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Teenage Rampage™

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Peter Parker was debating with Groot whether self deprecating humour was common in their generation all across the universe. Groot was certain it was, while Peter said some planet somewhere most have some none fucked up people. 

 

Nebula drew the line when Groot told Peter that he was an idiot spork, so decided to interrupt, "Why do we not get another opinion?" Groot grunted, while Peter shrugged. 

 

"There's no one else here that's around our age." Peter whined to her.

 

A vicious smirk spread across her lips. "Someone arrived last night." She explained. "But we'd have to sneak in." A playful glint in her eyes.

 

"I am Groot?" Groot questioned her suspiciously.

 

"Only if we get caught." She retorted, leading the way out the door.

 

"If we get caught I'm committing not alive." Peter groaned as he and Groot followed Nebula.

 

"At least do it with style." Nebula instructed him, not even looking back.

 

The trio had been sneaking down halls Peter didn't even know existed for god knows how long. "Nebula." He poked his sister in the back. "Where are we?"

 

"Quiet." She hissed in return, the mettle on her body gleaming in the low lights. "We're almost there." 

 

And they were. Within moments they turned three corner and finally ended up in a small room. It had no windows, one door, and a chair in the centre. It was who sat in the chair that shocked Peter.

 

"Loki?" He hissed at his sister, who in return gave a shrug. "The guy who destroyed New York? He's our age?!"

 

"Technically I'm closer to her age than your own." Loki said with a sharp smile.

 

"How old would you be if you were human?" Peter squinted at him.

 

Loki sneered for a moment before declaring, "18."

 

Peter stared in silence for a moment. Loki glanced at Nebula in question. In return the blue teen held up three fingers and began to count down. When she got to one it was like Peter exploded.

 

"You're 18? That's like a year younger than Nebula! Were you 18 during 2012? Or younger? Obviously you weren't older? Was it just some teenage rebellion then? Because if so, mood, dude, big mood. What's your stance on self deprecating humour? Oh! If you're 18 how old is Thor? And-" Peter cut himself off at Loki's startled look and Nebula and Groot's shared look of amusement. "Sorry." He muttered, a wry smile on his face as he sheepishly rubbed his neck.

 

"2012 would have been my father's fault." Nebula answered one of Peter's question.

 

"Pretty sure it wasn't Mr Stark''s fault." Peter replied in confusion.

 

"Not him." Nebula tutted darkly, "Thanos."

 

"Who's Thanos?" Peter asked the solemn looking trio.

 

" I am Groot. " Groot spat out maliciously.

 

"The world destroyer." Nebula explained. "He was a terrible man." She wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders. "You don't need to worry about him."

 

Peter went to argue but Loki spoke over him. "Yes, Thor and Valkyrie killed him once they discovered what he did." A dark, broken look shadowed Loki for a moment before his usual pleasant facade returned. "In answer to your other questions: yes I was 18 then, it is the only humour, and Thor would be 25 in you Midgardian years."

 

"Thors a millennial ?" Peter laughed out. "That actually makes so much sense." Nebula cracked a smile at that, and Groot chuckled humorously. 

 

"I am Groot." Groot shot at Peter, his tone filled with snark.

 

"Yeah, yeah. Fine . Maybe our generation is fucked all across the universe. You were right. Whatever." Peter grumbled, a small pout on his lips. Laughter filled the group again.

 

" What are doing in here, kiddies?" The voice of Tony Stark cut through their joy. Peter jumped so bad that he landed on the ceiling. Tony sent him a glare, so the teenage boy quickly got down. 

 

Along with Tony stood Thor, Steve and Natasha. Thor was the only one with a smile one his face.

 

" Well ?" Tony pressed, giving his two a harsher look than what he gave Groot. "I don't like waiting."

 

"H-hey Mr Stark." Peter said nervously. "Did you know if he were human Loki would be 18? And Thor's a millennial? Also I'm pretty sure Loki was tortured and that's why 2012 occured. At least I think that's what him and La were alluding to. Also Thor killed some guy named Thanos. Pretty sure he did the torturing. Anyway, how are you? Busy day? How's-" Peter trailed off at the sight of Tony's glare. 

 

"Loki's 18?" Steve Rogers asked incredulously.

 

"Thor's a millennial." Natasha smirked, the corner of her lip tugging up. "That makes so much sense."

 

Tony turned to Thor, "Explain." He ordered.

 

"Your son has explained very well already!" Thor clapped with grin. Tony raised his eyebrows at that. Thor soon became serious. "Thanos abducted my brother and tortured him until he agreed to come to Midgard, get the tesseract, and then destroy the world. Thanos is now dead. The Valkyrie and I went and avenged my brother."

 

Tony took a deep breath for patience, "And now you want him to live here? Earth?" 

 

"Yes." Thor nodded happily like a cute labrador puppy.

 

Tony, Steve and Natasha shared a look. "Fine." Tony agreed. "But you," he pointed at Thor's chest, "Have to make sure he doesn't break the world. Again."

 

And that was how Loki joined the dysfunctional family.