This surgery was hard. Not "you need to achieve the impossible" kind of hard. But "you didn't sleep in 25 hours, you feel like crap and there is still at least 2 hours to go". And the worst of it? The patient.
" He really fell of a roof" Amelia almost yelled. "On a skate. He tried to impressed a girl by doing a thing. On a roof. With the skate. What level of stupidity is that?"
She really was annoyed that instead of sleeping (and she really-really needed that sleep) she was spending time doing pretty boring stuff on a pretty stupid patient.
"Didn't we all do stupid things at this age?" Link was in a good mood like always. "I think you told me something about trip you took with a complete stranger at 17. Very stupid if you ask me".
Her teens was really not something Amelia liked to remember. Too many people consider their duty to remind her of all her mistakes. But somehow Link said it the way that didn't feel wrong, maybe because she knew he wasn't judging.
"I was high. What his excuse?" she responded jokingly.
"He's just an idiot" suddenly interfered Helm.
Amelia and Link looked at each other. Sometimes they genuinely forgot that it's not just them in the or. Their sex was really good. But it's not only physical stuff that made sex so good, it's their work together: insane surgeries, plans they worked on and risks they took together, their research that was interesting and inspiring, their trips to other Fox foundation hospitals where they perform mini miracles. And their talks during all of that helped them through sometimes intensity, sometimes (like today) boredom. And after that... Oh after that they had insanely good sex that took away all pressure pasted day had, celebrated their success or helped them through pain of loss. So even full OR felt like kind of intimate place, something like coach where couple talk and flirt before moving to bedroom or party where two people met and exchange looks, and it was strange to feel their conversation being interrupted. But today Amelia was not in a mood for brain sex anyway. She was in a mood to be alone in her room sleeping in so comfortable and not so sexy pajamas.
"I was into girl once. Sang her a song at the middle of the night under her windows. Thought it would be romantic but her father called the police. You should've seen my mother's face when she picked me up from police station at 2 am" Link saw that Amelia is not all right and tried to make her smile.
"A least you didn't end up with 8 fractures and spine injury" Amelia responded. Link's attempt to better her mood certainly didn't work.
She liked Link. Mer and Maggie thought it's just sex but she genuinely liked him. His softness, his open mind, the way he made her feel seen and accepted but there was one thing that annoyed the hell out of her. His desire to see only good and hope for the best. It was charming at first. Like why wouldn't we hope for new foundings instead of stressing out for no reason when Bailey is meeting with the bunch of people in suits? But then there were other situations... Like this one where a teenager, a kid practically, was laying on their table with his spine open, with broken bones, with severe pain he will be feeling in a couple hours. In the best case scenario he was looking for long recovery. 3 months at least. Probably 6.And if it's not best... She didn't even want to think about it. Amelia's hands was in his spine, her unfortunate move could paralyze him. "It's not the same as serenade, Link" she thought " it's really not the same". His mother, very nice woman who raise this boy alone is praying in a church right now. Freaking out. Afraid that her son wouldn't be able to walk again. And all of that could be avoided if a boy wouldn't have this insanely stupid Idea in his hormonal teenage head.
This things were scary for Amelia. Every kid on her table was scary for her. Especially today. There was no way to soften it and seeing Link trying to do it only gave her thought that maybe even guy as accepting as Link is will never be able to understand her.
"Can I close?" it was Helm again. Amelia was done with a spine. No nerve damage. Guy was lucky. Everything looked good.
"Please do" Link looked at Amelia to see if she has any objections. They both went to scrub room.
"See? It's not that bad. Bill will be dancing in 3 months. But I bet he got a girl" started Link again with his big smile on a pretty face.
Amelia rolled his eyes.
"God Atticus 15 years old kid almost die for no reason. There is nothing good here. Stop looking for it. Stop looking for rainbows and unicorns everywhere, sometimes it's just darkness and bats" she yelled with her eyes wide open.
Link stayed silent for a solid minute. He debated whether or not he should mention that he finds bats adorable but decided to keep it to himself. They scrubbed out. It's not the first time she yelled at him. He wasn't offended, he knew that she's overemotional and sometimes overdramatic. One day Amelia served whole angsty speech over the fact that he left his brush at her place. It really was accident but before Atticus had a chance to explain she already told him he's pushing too hard. But today it was different, like something was not right. It felt like she had a reason and wasn't overreacting.
"Amelia, I know it's not about me" he said when she was about to exit the room.
"We need to update his mother" she said coldly after done hesitation.
Mrs Dalmonm was scared. Link as always was kind and supportive, with his firm smile he tried to convince this woman that her son is off the woods. Mother tried not to cry, she wasn't convinced, she was still terrified. Amelia felt the need to step up.
"It's OK" she said. "Kids, they do it to us, right? They have no fear, they don't understand how scary it is for us, how dangerous it is for them" .
Mrs Dalmonm started crying. Amelia hugged her.
"This accident was awful. But he will be fine. It's over now, the scariest part is over. It will be difficult and painful. But he will be fine. You can see him now" .
Link enjoyed looking at Amelia in moments like this, something in him wanted to grab her and protect her from the world but what was the most attractive in her is that he knew she doesn't need his protection, she is just fine without him or Owen or any man. They went to the attending lounge in silent.
"Sometimes people don't give a crap about rainbows Link" Amelia said finally. Emotional as always. "Sometimes they just want someone to feel for them because stupid unexpected rain ruined their planes".
Link didn't say anything. He was pretty sure he acted like he always does but today with this kid Amelia was especially sensitive to everything he's saying.
"Amelia do you worry about Leo? Is what it is about? You afraid that he will be this guy who do something risky and stupid? " He really tried to understand why she was so not herself (or especially herself?) today. It wasn't just sleep, he knew. And she knew this as well. Should she say him? Now? Later? After she will know for sure?
She didn't respond.
" Do you want to eat? I have a tuna sandwich" he gave up trying and decided to change topic. "Jo mads it for me. Cooking is part of her routine. It's excellent".
He came closer to Amelia.
" Please try it".
"God go away" she suddenly became quiet rude and went to opposite part of a room.
"Amelia, it's getting ridiculous. What did I do? Can you use words to explain please".
Amelia looked at him. She open her mouth to say something, then changed her mind. She sat at sofa quietly.
"I feel..." she started after some hesitations.
"Scared? Amelia I get it you are practically Leo's mother,seeing someone's kid get hurt can be scary. Why are taking it out on me? ".
Link was confused.
"Atticus I feel nauseous. Don't get close to me with mouth full of fish please" she finally explained.
"Are you sick? Are you nervous after surgery?... Or...? "
Amelia took a deep breath.
" I don't know. I know that I am nauseous and..." She stopped for a second. "... and I am late. And it's exactly how it was last time I was pregnant".