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if i only had a brain

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It all really starts in the same way all bad things in Keith’s life do.

By doing something stupid.

“Hey.” Lance said, nudging Keith slightly in the gut. “You wanna fuck me real quick?”

“Yes.” He immediately answered.

They’re both locked into a frozen ride buggy, surrounded by little cutouts of animatronic knee-high aliens mining and singing a song about coming out of the ground once a year.

Honestly, this probably won’t be the lowest thing Keith’s ever done for the sake of his dick.


It’s only really afterwards that Keith thinks-

‘Okay maybe this wasn’t such a genius idea.’

Of course that’s mostly because both Lance and Keith are stripped down to their waists from their uniforms (and still hard) with the ride moving too fast for them to be able to zip their suits back up. Which is how a crowd of aliens has the fortunate luck of spotting Keith trying to frantically slot Lance’s breastplate back on while also trying to shove his hands back through his sleeves (all while still hard).

It’s because of the Voltron show that they all recognize Lance and immediately begin murmuring to each other. There’s even more Swathian Meerakeets eyeing them with something that looks like blatant disapproval. Then again given the fact that a lot of them still feel fucked over from Voltron no-showing at the last Clear Day they probably would’ve looked at them like that anyway.

Keith is flushed red down to his neck (and hard), trying to jump over the protective railing all while fumbling for Lance’s hand to tug him out behind him.  Lance is tripping and cursing and Keith is just seconds away from just picking him up and bolting when both Allura and Iverson turn the corner and stumble onto the scene.

Keith’s foot catches on the railing and he trips.

He falls loses his grip on Lance’s hand (and his boner).


Keith gets walked back to the ATLAS by Shiro while Coran escorts Lance-both of them having stepped in at just the right time to prevent Allura from shanking them both in broad daylight. 

Honestly, Keith doesn’t know which fate he would’ve preferred given that Shiro kept glancing over at him with a disapproving look in his eye. The walk back is silent for the most part.

Something Keith is grateful for.

“Keith.” Shiro began.

He spoke too soon.

“When I told you to loosen up and try to have fun-”

Oh god.

“-This wasn’t what I meant.”

Oh fuck- Keith has gotten reprimands like this before (Of course Keith has gotten every kind of reprimand before but the point stands).

Silently, he started hoping this didn’t mean Shiro and Allura were going to call his mom.


Allura chews him out- of course she does. Keith couldn’t imagine not getting reprimanded for practically flashing an entire crowd of carnival goers.

Keith is first though because he and Lance are taking turns like they’re at the principal’s office and also because apparently two years on a space whale meant he should’ve ‘matured’ and he couldn't ‘do these sorts of things anymore’ and ‘the Swathian Meerakeets are threatening to take away Shiro’s arm wrestling trophy’.

Probably the one thing Keith felt slightly regretful about but given that his options at the time were sitting in a frozen buggy and listening to the Clear Day song on a loop until he went insane or feeling up Lance.

He feels like anyone would’ve made the choice he did had they been in his shoes.

“For the next cycle.” Allura continues, Keith not having realized his mind drifted away. “Neither of your genital regions are to engage one another!”

Keith feels his jaw fall open.

“Wait, what?”

He was lost, he hadn’t been listening. 

From the look in Allura’s eye it looked like she suspected that exact thing too.

“If I catch either of you violating your punishment or each other. ” She continued. “You will both be scrubbing cryopods until the Yurgmak sleeps!”

There Allura went again with her weird Altean threats. Krolia tried teaching him some Galra ones when they’d been stranded together but Keith couldn’t get his vocal cords to resonate the way hers did. 


If one good thing came out of this entire situation it was that at least she wasn’t present to see any of this.

“-Shiro and I will also be contacting you mother-”



“You don’t think they meant it do you?” Lance asks while they’re weaving past a snickering group of Garrison personnel all slowly funneling in from Clear Day. 

Keith feels like he’s back on the Castle of Lions and he’s walking back to his room after spending the night in Lance’s, only this time he’s surrounded by several copies of Hunk and Pidge watching him do the walk of shame from their doorways.

“No.” Keith says instead. “Allura’s just embarrassed that we got embarrassed and Shiro’s worried about his trophy- we’ll be fine.”

Or at least Keith hopes so. 

Because a cycle is a month in Earth time and he’s been making up for lost time ever since he managed to make it back to the castle after rescuing Romelle. 

Something that Lance was particularly eager about mostly because he was doing some weird comparison experiment about whether or not Keith’s dick got any bigger during his time in the Quantum Abyss.

So far the results are inconclusive and in need of more testing.

Lance makes a considering expression, his nose scrunching up slightly like he’s trying to think. Keith can already take a guess at what his next words are going to be before the other boy even opens his mouth.

“In that case wanna pick up where we left off?”

God, Keith loves it when he’s right.


The thing about having been in the Quantum Abyss for so long was that Keith’s sense of smell had become shot. 

Where before he could easily track Lance down by his scent, his omega musk practically guiding Keith’s nose to him- now it took a bit more effort to be able to scent him.

And by that Keith meant that he had to have his nose buried into Lance’s neck and mouthing at his glands just to get the bare edge of a wisp.

Keith’s mouth was slotted over an old omega bite, their deep, flesh tearing fangs having left soft grooves in the junction of Lance’s neck.

How Lance could’ve withstood that Keith would never know. Lance had only bitten Keith about a handful of times (and not nearly as roughly as Lance’s ex-lover had) and each one felt like it’d hurt more than the last- but the sight of Lance’s mouth, bloodied and smelling thickly of Keith had sent him beyond the physical plane of existence.

Or maybe Keith was just an outlier and the horniness that invaded his brain since getting a boyfriend overruled any logic previously present (if there, indeed, had been any there in the first place).

Experience said no but Keith’s cock said yes.

Rutting against one another, their clothes long gone, Keith felt his cock slot up against the cleft of Lance’s ass, his slick already beginning to coat a thin film onto his dick. Lance’s thighs trembled from where Keith was holding them, spread open so he could better press down against him as he mouthed at his neck. 

“K-Keith.” Lance huffed, warm breath ghosting over Keith’s ear, his fingers digging into Keith’s waist and trying to hold him still to thrust up against him. 

Keith hummed in acknowledgement, letting his hips maneuver closer so Lance didn’t have to thrust up as hard. Lance huffed out a breathless thanks, kiss bruised lips inching down to press against the sensitive tips of Keith’s ear. His hips gyrated against Keith’s cock, filling the room with an almost inaudible ‘squelch’ , his own dick pressing against Keith’s stomach with every upward stroke.

Keith continued kissing at Lance’s neck, his canine’s slowly expanding longer and filling up his mouth, forcing him into keeping it half open as he brushed their tips all up and down Lance’s throat. Keith felt the beat of Lance’s pulse whenever he pressed his fangs slightly down on his throat.

When he closed his eyes and strained he could make out the words Lance was babbling into his ear as his thrusts started growing frantic. His voice fucked out and soft, letting out little whispers of ‘hnng yes-’ ‘hhahhh please...’ ‘please-please-please-’ .

Lance was getting impatient, Keith knew if he dragged it out for much longer Lance would flip them over and take Keith until he cried from overstimulation. (Something that had happened multiple times before and also something Keith may or may not have been aiming for after the first time).

Just as Keith is weighing whether or not to let that happen, Lance’s scent filled his nose. Logically, he knew his nose was getting better and scenting was getting easier- but the smell of Lance’s omega pheromones filling up his olfactory receptors for the first time in months ( years for him) was enough to push him over the edge.

Keith let his canines sink into Lance’s scent gland, it’s flavor filling Keith’s mouth and coating his tongue. Lance flinched, letting out a startled whine of surprise as Keith dug deeper , removing one of his hands from propping open Lance’s thigh and gripping onto his length.

Steadily, Keith guided the head of his cock into Lance’s sloppy slit, rubbing it through the sluggishly dripping slick to thoroughly coat it. Lance’s breath skipped as Keith pressed in, his walls weakly clenching at Keith’s length as he gently opened him up. Still slightly loose from the morning, Keith pushed in just enough to feel Lance’s walls stretch around him, his slick making the slide easier on the omega. 

“Ahh..ahh...Keith-” Lance breathed, words stuttered as Keith slowly inched forward, stopping for a moment whenever Lance’s body jolted to let him adjust. 

“Keithhh…” Lance drew out, quivering slightly as Keith moved his hands from Lance’s thighs, letting them wrap around his waist. Keith, leaned down, resting his weight on his elbows as he pressed his chest to Lance’s, trapping the other paladin’s cock between their stomachs.

“Lance-” Keith groaned, burying his face into Lance’s neck as his thighs finally pressed to Lance’s cheeks, holding still for a moment to catch his breath. Keith’s eyes were closed, his brows furrowed in concentration as he focused on the feeling of Lance’s walls seizing and clenching around his length. His lips mouthed at Lance’s raised and scarred over mating marks. 

Letting his tongue graze them, Keith could make out the flat indentation of beta marks along with the occasional canine puncture of his and other alpha’s. Keith’s favorite by far were the omega ones. Their shark teeth, when out, leaving behind raised scars that felt agonizing against Keith’s lips. He manages to find one at Lance’s collar bone and slots his mouth over it, pulling his hips back and starting short, fast thrusts into Lance’s slit.

Lance lets out a choked gasp, his hands scrambling onto Keith’s back and stroking down the length of it with shaky fingers. 

Keith pressed deeper with each thrust, grinding against Lance whenever he felt his walls tremble against his length, the scent of slick steadily filling up the room. Keith felt his eyelids flutter when a particularly good thrust sent sparks up his spine.

Lance huffed against his ear, breathy sounds leaving him everytime Keith sped up. 

Keith pressed his lips harder against the omega mark, imagining what Lance must’ve felt, being bitten by another omega. His mind crafts the image as Lance tightens his hold around his waist.

Lance was needy, he probably would’ve been the one to take charge between them. He and the faceless omega rutting against each other, the omega’s hips frantic and fast every time they pressed into Lance, both of them chasing their own pleasure until-

“Keith!” Lance cried, one of his hands having crept down from Keith’s back in favor of stroking himself. 

Keith felt his own release, just on the edge- thrusts increasing in pace and depth as he tried helping Lance ride out his orgasm. The grip the other boy had on him tightened, his hips rising up to meet Keith’s thrusts as his legs gripped Keith’s hips in a vice.

“Keith.” Lance moaned, croon drawn out in a throaty sound as Keith felt wetness begin to coat his stomach. “Keith,Keith,Keith-”

Lance’s murmuring and soft purring has Keith digging his fists into the sheets under them, hips quickening their pace until he’s hammering into Lance as hard he can, the velvet walls stroking him to completion, the flesh at the base of his dick beginning to expand-

Stuttering to a stop, Keith hears himself gasp for air in short breaths as Lance whines under him, fingers digging into his back in demand for him to stop crushing him. Keith raises up slightly, apology already on his lips.

He pushes himself up on his hands, cock hot and sensitive as Lance trembles under him, muscles loose and shaky from release. White coats both their stomachs and Keith’s cum is being pushed out of Lance from around his cock as his knot settles, binding them together until the inflamed tissue went down.

Lance’s eyes are glassy, his mouth and lips coated in drool as he began making grabby hands at Keith to lean back down. 

Keith easily obliges, mouth slipping into a smile as Lance began pressing butterfly kisses to his closed eyes, tongue licking at Keith’s mouth to get him to open his lips. Easily, the two slip into one another, mouths sliding against each other as Lance ran his fingers through Keith’s sweat soaked hair.

Lance pulls away with a soft ‘smeck’ , shooting Keith a half-lidded look.

“Ya know.” He begins. “I think your dick has gotten bigger.”

Keith’s brows raised in question.


Lance shrugged slightly, eyes glittering like Christmas.

“I don’t know- maybe we need more trial runs.”

Keith felt his expression mirror Lance’s and caught his bubbling laughter in another kiss.


In the morning Keith opens the door, about to make his way to the commissary for some drinks and portable oats for him and Lance. Instead, he nearly trips over two buckets with towels and healing pod scrubbers.

A small note is taped to it that’s gray, like it’s from Shiro’s personal stationery. Keith opens it and finds that it is .

A single emote is printed on it in blue pen.

:/ ‘.

The realization hits Keith a second later.

Ohhh, that’s right. 

Shiro’s room was next door.