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Five Times Ianto Thought He'd Lost (And One Time He Refused To)

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Ianto had been a fairly normal kid until Year Nine at school. Ashley had joined that year and destroyed Ianto's world.

He did anything to be around Ashley; he skipped classes, started smoking, even stole beer from a shop so that Ashley would like him. He thought it was just because Ashley was cool, and Ianto wanted to be cool.

It all fell apart when, slightly tipsy, Ianto leaned in for a kiss. Ashley pushed him away, started yelling that he “ain't no bender” and ran off.

On Monday, Ashley wouldn't even look at him and everyone knew.



When he’d moved to London, Ianto had tried to leave everything behind him. Ashley, his family, his perverse thoughts and most of all his reputation.

He noticed Lisa in his first week. She was a goddess, beyond the likes of him, yet they were together within months. He planned to propose to her on their anniversary. He imagined her saying yes and fantasised about their future life together.

Then the Cybermen came.

He’d tried to protect her, to hide her, to distract them. He’d done everything he could but it wasn’t enough.

They took her away, and she was gone


Lisa Redux

If he was completely honest, flirting with Jack was the most difficult part of keeping Lisa safe. It was harder to keep the bad thoughts away when Jack offered himself up on a daily basis. But he’d coped; he’d kept calm and carried on. He was getting close to saving her, to bringing her back. He just needed to keep Torchwood in the dark for a little longer.

Then she’d killed Dr Tanizaki.

He’d tried to protect her, to hide her, to distract them. He’d done everything he could but it wasn’t enough.

They’d killed her and she was gone.


The Doctor

Any issues Ianto had had following the Ashley incident were completely obliterated when Jack decided he wanted sex.

Their…whatever it was had progressed quickly; they’d gone from flirting to fucking in a matter of days. It took a while to come to terms with, but Ianto had always been a quick student.

Re-gaining Jack’s trust had taken longer. Shooting Owen to stop him opening the Rift had helped, but only when Jack had kissed him in front of the whole team did he feel truly accepted.

Then Jack had vanished, chasing after The Doctor, and Ianto was once again alone.



Reviewing and editing CCTV tapes was Tosh’s job, but Ianto would occasionally do it for her. If Tosh knew that he chose when to offer assistance, she never said anything.

He first reviewed the bar footage and wasn’t surprised to see the kiss. He’d expected it, although that didn’t stop the punched feeling in his gut. But that was nothing compared to the next video.

He watched as Gwen announced her engagement. He saw Jack’s crushed expression, and he carefully noted the time stamp. He’d always suspected that Jack was settling.

He just hadn’t realised the competition was so close.



Deep down, Ianto had always suspected that it would end like this. That he’d lose everything just to be close to Jack. Jack who left him, who abandoned him, who’d killed the only other love of his life. Ianto bitterly wondered just how pathetic his life had become, even as the virus overwhelmed him.

Jack was cradling him in his arms, just as he had Tosh and Estelle before her. Just as he had who knew how many people in hundreds of years.

He could feel anger trying to boil up within him but the fight was lost. He took one last look at the man who had killed him. Jack was crying. At least he had meant that much to the Captain. His defiance crumbled and his last words were the truth.

“I love you.”