He stood outside the house that held such painful memories. The last time he was here, he had been hurt deeply and emotionally. The man that has caused that still lived here, still haunted his mind and body day and night. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and sighed as the crisp, cold air entered his nose and the underlying scent of vanilla. He opened his eyes, and tears were gathered there. Vanilla had been the smell he used to love because it was the smell that he and the man used to have all around the house, it was a smell filled with bittersweet memories. He closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall as memories clouded his mind.
He felt a cold hand touch his cheek, calloused fingers gently dragging across his cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled at the slightly taller man that lay with him. The man smiled back, his eyes turning into half moons. He chuckled when the man leaned forward and kissed his forehead lovingly, leaving a tingling sensation behind.
“I love you.” He said softly gently running a hand through the man’s hair.
“I love you too”, the man said, his deep voice rumbling deep in his chest. He smiled and leaned forward, pressing his face against the man’s chest and hugging him tight. He breathed in the smell of him; deep rich scent of a man but with a soft undertone of vanilla. He grins, vanilla had always been their favorite scent, ever since they had met in that store, beside vanilla scented candles.
He looked up at the man he loved more than himself, the man that made his life worth living, the man who made him happier than anything else ever could. He chuckles when the man kisses his forehead again, he was the only one the man ever showed his soft side too, and he was beyond happy to have that honor. He grins wide, this man was his one and only.
He clenched his teeth, everything had been an act, a lie. The man had used him to get what he wanted, he had never loved him. He had loved that man wholeheartedly, but the man had not loved him at all. He could still feel the sting of the words spat at him the last day he had been here, could still feel every strike, every ounce of pain like it had happened yesterday. The man had kicked him out that day, had showed him the truth and that was worse than being burned alive.
The sunlight streamed through the window, casting light through the room. It was a beautiful day, no clouds, not too hot, not too cold, it was just perfect, but he just couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something was seriously wrong, that something bad was going to happen. The feeling had been there since he woke up, and has been with him throughout the day, steadily getting worse and worse, but everything had been normal. He sighed and looked outside, leaning against the counter and trying to get rid of that horrible feeling. He bit his lip softly and watched as birds flew by, singing their songs. He smiles softly.
He stood up straight when the front door opened and footsteps walked towards the kitchen. He smiles, knowing his boyfriend’s footsteps anywhere. He turned towards the doorway with a smile, but it soon faded when he saw the man. He was frowning deeply and his eyes were cold and hard. He was a little taken aback and worried, the man never looked at him that way, even when he was mad at him. He knew something was seriously wrong then.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” He took a step towards him, biting his lip. The man’s face changed to disgust at the pet name.
“I want you to leave, now. Don’t come back. I am sick and tired of you.” The man’s voice was hard and cold. He gasped and took a step back. He was shocked, the man had never used that tone of voice with him and had never spoken so harshly.
“What…? I… I don’t understand… What did I do?” His voice was shaking, tears threatening to fall.
“Of course you don’t understand, you don’t have the brain capacity to. You are just not worth my time anymore. I had my fun with you, I used you and now you can’t offer man anything. You’re dried up and useless now get the fuck out of my house or you will regret it.” The man’s voice was cold and hard, but he wasn’t shouting, he wasn’t spitting at him. He was calm and that is what made him believe the man was serious. He swallowed hard as pain and confusion ran through him, it felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest.
“B-Babe, can we talk about this? Please? I… I’m sorry for whatever I did to upset you..” A tear fell down his cheek and his voice was shaking.
“Are you stupid? Do you not know what I mean when I tell you to leave? That you are not worth my time anymore? It means I no longer wish to speak with you, I will not speak with you. If you do not leave, I will force you out myself.” The man was starting to get impatient. He swallowed and slowly walked towards the man.
“I… I loved you… You said that you loved me… You did so much for me… There is no way that everything you said… Everything you did was a lie…” More tears were falling down his face and he was trying not to sob.
“You really must be stupid, or blind. I never loved you. I never will love you. You are not worth my love, you are not worth anyone’s love. You are nothing more than a waste of space, a sorry excuse for a man, something that even your mother couldn't love.” The man’s voice was cold and harsh, nothing in it suggested that he was lying or messing around. A sob finally left him.
“B-... But…” He sobbed again. The man shook his head.
“I am done talking.” The man grabbed him by his shirt and started dragging him towards the door. He tried to stop him, begging and crying, saying he was sorry over and over again, he was doing everything for the man to let him stay, to just talk to him. The man finally stopped, right in front of the door and back handed him hard. He cried out in pain as he head snapped to the side. He sobbed as he held the side of his face, it was pulsing with pain and was already swelling. He looked at the man with wide eyes.
The man glared at him.
“Shut up. I am done hearing you speak.” The man practically growled. He sobbed hard and stared up at the man he loved, he knew that no matter what this man could or would do to him, he would still love him in the end.
“P-please…” His voice broke and he shook. The man narrows his eyes and grabs him by the throat and drags him to the door and slams him up against it.
“Look at you. Crying and begging. It’s sad really. I was expecting more from you. Too bad. Guess you were worth less than I thought you were.” The man punched him hard in the face, once, twice, three times then opened the door and threw him in the yard. “Don’t come back.” The man slammed the door hard. He lay there on the ground, his nose bleeding down his face, his lip busted and a hand print on his cheek and he sobbed hard.
He swallowed hard as he remembered what had happened that day. He lightly touched his cheek, and closed his eyes. If one of their friends hadn’t shown up, he didn’t know how long he would have laid there, on the ground, bleeding and crying. He had taken a long time to heal, mentally and physically, he had grown to hate how he didn’t fight back, how he didn’t call the police, how he didn’t scream for help. He had been so weak, so helpless, a prisoner to love that had cost him so much pain. He had gone to therapy, his friend has insisted he go, just to make sure he didn’t do anything rash. It was a good idea though, because many times he had considered things.
He bit his lip as he looked up at the house that loomed over him. The house he had once lived in and had felt safe in. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to come, but his friend had begged him to come, begged and begged until he finally gave in, now he was having second thoughts. His friend had told him that the man was sorry, that he wanted to tell him that, he didn’t believe that one bit, but his friend eventually convinced him to come and at least hear the man out.
He swallowed hard as he walked up to the door of the house, he hated house his footsteps echoed down the empty street and how the vanilla scent got stronger with each step he took. He clinched his hands into fists and when he got to the door, he stared at it a few minutes before he finally raised and hand and knocked. The door opened not even a minute later, like someone had been waiting there for him to arrive. He smiled softly when he saw his friend and the friend smiled back, but his smile faded when he heard a deep voice call his name.