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Who overcomes
By force, hath overcome but half his foe.” 
― John Milton, Paradise lost

 

 

Let's face it, at that time I was a broke ass student who was juggling various jobs at the same time, not to mention attending classes on a regular basis. 

Living in London was extremely expensive and I truly believed I was going to die from exhaustion at the age of twenty-two.

I found my saving grace - literally- in a Soho bookshop owned by a man named Aziraphale. The place looked like it had been standing for at least two centuries and some of the editions were true rarities.

"Hello there, may I help you...?" The white-haired owner of the shop asked me with a kind smile.

"Oh I was just admiring these incredibly rare to find editions that you have, I don't even think the library on campus has these...!" 

"Ah, you must be a student , are you fond of literature...?"

"Yes, I'm quite close to majoring in English, just having a hard time balancing study hours with working to pay for rent...but everybody ends up in debt so who cares right?"  I laughed a little even though I was dying inside.

Then I don't know why, maybe because he felt sorry for me or just because angels are inherently good, he made me the offer that would change my life forever.

"Why not work here then? it would be nice and quiet, there's not much to do and you can study in back office. But I expect that you handle these books with care , since you realize how valuable they are..."

"Are you serious ...?!" I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "That would be amazing! Thank you so much,...?"

"Aziraphale, and you're very welcome...?"

"Y/n, it's nice to meet you."

_____

I spent the next few months helping Zira sort out the place, since he had lots of books that he did not want to sell to the public stacked right next to the ones he was (still not so willingly) going to sell. As he started trusting me a little more he showed me some of his secret editions that I didn't even believe were real.

The trouble started when Zira's friend started to show up. 

His name was Crowley, always wore all black, had copper red hair and was all around gorgeous. I was immediately a goner for him, particularly drawn in by the fact that he never ever, rain or shine, took off his designer sunglasses.  

I definitely became a lot more clumsy and distracted as soon as I heard his voice whenever he entered the shop. I don't know what it was, the tone of it, the sarcasm, the way he teased Aziraphale, or the general aura of mysteriousness surrounding the man.

But alas, just my luck, he seemed to hate my guts. From the hard stare he gave me through those sunglasses the first time I had met him, to the way he seemed to go completely quiet as soon as I entered the room.

I had attempted to make some small talk, since he was a regular at the shop, but he barely spoke a word to me and said he had to leave.

And honestly, I was living just fine with it. I didn't need to have everybody like me, if he had a problem it was his-not mine.

The next phase of his behavior towards me was even stranger.  He seemed to burn holes in the back of the heads of some of the male customers who liked to flirt with me a little, and soon enough even though they had been regular customers until that point, they never came back to the shop.

The final straw came when I overheard him talk to Zira about me.

"Crowley you are saying a load of nonsense, Y/n has done nothing but good for this shop, I certainly will not fire her." 

"I'm telling you Aziraphale, there's something wrong with her- I shouldn't be feeling this way about a human- she must be a succubus, she's dangerous to have around, you shouldn't trust her--"

I barged into the back room, interrupting their conversation. 

"Right I think I've heard enough! If I am such a bane to your existence Crowley- even though I have tried everything I could to stay out of your way- I quit, you will never see me again!"

"No Y/n, please wait--" Aziraphale tried to make me reason.

"Thanks Zira for everything, I really do appreciate what you did for me. But I can't  and won't be treated like this."  I grabbed my things and looked at Crowley as I left. "A succubus? Really? Only in your wildest fucking dreams."

___

Quitting my job felt good for about two seconds. Existential dread soon took over me. 

I remembered that one of my roommates said I should  have tried working at the same bar she did. The major issue was that it was an adult night club and I wouldn't be pouring drinks as much as dancing for strangers.

For a while I did everything I could to look for better options, I was afraid of even talking to people I didn't know let alone taking my clothes off in front of them, but rent was almost due and I had nothing left in my fridge.

It seemed like I had no other option left.

___

As entered the loud night club, surrounded by fluorescent lights and sweaty people dancing with each other, I immediately regretted my decision, wanting to be back at the bookshop which I was starting to miss more and more every second.

Even among the crowd I felt a pair of eyes on me throughout the entire night, the feeling only got worse once I was actually on stage in front of people.

It was hell and I was glad when it was over, trying to figure out if it was actually that much worse than starvation. 

I didn't get much time to think to myself as I noticed two men follow me out of the club. I tried to make run for my car, but they caught up with me almost out of nowhere.

I struggled as one of them pushed me against a brick wall, I called out for help but my breath hitched in my throat as soon as I saw that their eyes were completely black.

"Where are you going, pretty little thing? Leaving so soon by yourself?"

I slammed my head against the one that was holding me in an attempt to get free, but he kept holding he with inhumane strength. 

"Feisty little one, isn't she?" His friend said.

"You black-eyed freaks better get your filthy hands off me...!" I screamed still fighting to get away. 

"Or what...?~" The smug bastard holding me asked.

"...Or there will be consequences." I heard a voice behind us say. I turned around and I was relieved to see Crowley. The two men seemed to know him and started to loosen their grip on me. 

"But Master Crowley, what do you care about this human...?" 

"I just want her, don't I? Now hand her over." He almost growled. 

I was in tears, he wasn't there to help me. He was just like them. I tried to run away when they handed me over but he grabbed me by the arm and held me with his death grip.

"Now piss off you low lives, I don't want to see you around here anymore."

They nodded and scrambled away from him and he started taking me towards his car.

"Let me go, Crowley...! How could you...! Please...!"

He opened the door of his 1926 Bentley and threw me in the passenger seat.

I tried to open the door an escape but it was already locked somehow. 

I watched  as he sat in the driver's seat and awaited for the worst. 

"So..." he said in his usual neutral voice. "Where am I taking you to...?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "W-what do you mean...?"

"I mean, where do you live? You have  an apartment don't you?"

"S-so you're... you're not not going to..."

I looked at me, trying to understand what I was going to say and suddenly went. "No! No, I--- could never do that. Absolutely not...! Those things that I said, I only said them to make sure those men were not going to follow you..."

I looked at my own hands. "Thank you..." I felt tears run down my face and quickly gave him the address to my home. "... S-sorry I'm just a bit shook up..."

"Please don't, don't apologize to me or even thank me..." He started squeezing the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white as he drove. "All of this is my fault, if  I hadn't said those things... you would be dancing on tables for a living... those assholes would never have--"

"How do you know I was dancing on tables...?" I asked him but he remained quiet. "Wait--- have you been following me...?"

"I---I-I, um..."

"Seriously, you don't want around and leave, but now... you're following me...?"

"I wanted to make sure you were safe..."

"What...? I'm sorry could you repeat that...?" I started laughing. "Last time I checked you hated me."

"No, y/n I ... I wish I could hate you but that's... far from the truth..." 

"Oh so you regularly try to get people fired and call them a succubus, then..?"

We came to a sudden abrupt stop in front of my apartment. "No! For Christ sake, I just don't understand how it so happens that I have feelings for you...!"

___

 

 

 

Chapter Text

"Abashed the devil stood and felt how awful goodness is and saw Virtue in her shape how lovely: and pined his loss" 
― John Milton, Paradise lost 

 

 

I stared at Crowley in disbelief, had he just confessed his feelings for me?

I was feeling lightheaded and confused, still trying to process everything that had happened to me that night.

Since I was still trying to find a way to answer him, he sighed and said:

"Look y/n, just forget it...Go home and tomorrow please come back to the bookshop... for Aziraphale's sake. I promise you, I'll stay out of your way--"

I slapped him across the face. "That was for being rude to me and giving me the biggest scare of my life..."

"Oi!" He held up a hand to his cheek. "That really hurt---!"

I leaned over and kissed the same cheek, quickly looking away.

He seemed to be even more take back, looking at me through his sunglasses, even though it was night time. 

"And... what was that for...?" He asked with barely any voice.

"I could give you the chance to find out... it's up to you to take it." I got all of my things and opened the car door. "Goodnight Crowley, and... thank you."

It was now his turn to stare silently as I walked into my apartment.

____

Two days afterwards I managed to show my face inside the bookshop again, much to 'Zira's delight.

Things slowly went back to normal but Crowley never did show up.

I tried asking Aziraphale  about it.

"Ah my dear, Crowley is just like that. Without a moment's notice he could skip town and not come back for months... even years

"Y-years...?" Meaning he was just going to be out of my life like that?

"Why are you so worried y/n...? Forgive me, but he did act foolishly and upset you. My impression was that you wished never to see him."

"Yeah, I guess..."

"What's wrong...?" I looked at me worriedly.

"I don't know... I think I... may have feelings for him..."

He was completely shook up by my statement. "W-what..? F-feelings...?! But this is.. this is highly irregular...!"

"What do you mean, 'irregular'...? Am I not good enough for him...?"

"Well of course not my dear, in fact I would say it's the other way around..."

"The other way around...?"

"Crowley is... well, there's no easy way of saying this..." he sighed. "You should ask him yourself when he comes back, if he comes back..."

___

 

For the few months Crowley did not show, but I did have the impression I was being followed.

I was at the bookshop when I heard Aziraphale on the phone.

"Instead of hiding, why don't you come here and at least explain yourself to her...? You're unbelievable, do you know that...? If you wanna talk, then come to the shop... Good day to you, Crowley."

Were they going to meet up?

Even if they were, it was none of my business and I really needed to stop listening into their conversations.

If Crowley had decided that I wasn't worth the trouble then it wasn't my place to chase him down.

After work I said goodbye to Aziraphale and spent the final hours of the afternoon reading on a bench at St. James' Park.

I was slowly making my way through Milton's Paradise lost, mainly because it was really complex, but I had always been fascinated by angels and demons, the fall of Lucifer, the garden of Eden even though I didn't think of myself as a believer.

"Why are you reading that nonsense...?" I suddenly became aware of Crowley's presence next to me on the bench, I could have sworn he had materialized out of nowhere.

"How did you get here and where the hell have you been...?" I asked shocked (and relieved) to see him. "And this is not nonsense, it's probably one of the greatest epic poems ever written. Not that you would know anything bout it."

He smirked, obviously very amused by my last statement. "Oh I wouldn't, would I...?~"

"No."

"And how is that exactly?"

"Aziraphale said you don't care for books."

"Oh right, books. Is that all you two ever think about?"

No, I also think about you. A lot.

I sighed. "Why are you here Crowley? I thought I scared you off, you've been gone for months."

"I had to take care of some things..."

"What things...?"

"I can't tell you..."

"Ugh, then why even talk to me then? "

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it looks like you still need to make up in your mind whether I'm worth spending time with or not, and I wish you would just figure it out."

"Well you know what princess? The problem is that I have made up my mind, and no matter what I can't seem to keep my mind off you! And not only is that theoretically impossible but it puts the both of us in danger because I can't be in a relationship. Me being here with you right now just to see you is a demonstration of how selfish I am, so you tell me whether or not I think you're worth my time."

"So you've never been in a serious relationship and you're afraid of commitment, I don't care. And by danger you mean those guys from the club? Are you part of a gang or something?"

He seemed to be amused once again by my assumptions. "Oh I wish it were that simple , love. Unfortunately there are far bigger things at stake,  things I don't want you to get involved in."

"What if I want to be involved? Do I not get to choose for myself?"

He looked away from me, not saying anything.

"Crowley if you're gonna keep doing this, showing up whenever you want and declaring yourself to me, you better start telling me the whole truth or stay away from me for good. I don't like false hope."

After a moment of silence, he looked at me once again.

"I'll make you a deal." He said. "Tonight I'll take you out and tell you everything. I guarantee you'll decide never to see me after that."

"And what if I decide to stay?"

"You won't."

___

I didn't exactly own elegant evening gowns, since I absolutely could not afford them, so I decided to wear a simple light grey dress that hugged my curves perfectly and came up just above my knee.

I put on the only pair of heels I had, black pumps that I already knew were going to kill me, and put a lot of effort in doing my make up to distract from my hair which I was going to wear long like I usually did, because both curling irons and electricity bills were expensive.

By the time I was finished I felt like I looked basic and overdone it at the same time. I was just about to do it all over again when my doorbell rang.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I grabbed everything I could find, throwing it in my purse. 

I turned off all the lights and went to open the door: there he was, smartly dressed and incredibly handsome as always. Still wearing his sunglasses.

"Hey..." I was all I managed to say. I swear I am so lame sometimes.

It took him a while to respond. "You look... different."

"Is it ... a good kind of different...?~" I asked, stepping towards him.

"Well... y-yes." I could have sworn he was blushing.

I grinned. "I'll take it as a compliment then...~" I side-stepped him and walked towards the car. "Are we going or what...?~"

___

I was feeling pretty confident until I realized that Crowley had brought me to one of the fanciest restaurants in London.

"The Ritz! Crowley I am so under-dressed for this place, not to mention it's incredibly expensive!"

"You look perfect and money is not an issue for me." He tried  to reassure me.

"But I wanted us to split the bill."

He was trying not to laugh at all of my worrying."You drive me insane, do you know that...?~" 

"Clearly it's one of the many reasons why you're obsessed with me...~"

"Oh touché, madame...~ Now will you please go inside, I'm sure no one is going to realize that you're a broke undergrad who clearly doesn't belong there...~"

"Oi...!~" I slapped his shoulder lightly.

___

Over dinner the conversation was kept on the light and fun side of things since whatever it was Crowley needed to tell me couldn't be said in public.

He mainly asked me questions about me and my life, happily listening and steering away from most of my questions about him. We had a great time and he constantly made me laugh, so my attempt to be a cold mysterious femme fatale only lasted two seconds.

But by the time we left the restaurant I still had the need to know more, since I had barely found out anything about him.

"How about youuu.... come to my place for a drink and you can tell me everything you still haven't told me?~ I swear there are no spies or secret cameras in my apartment...~" 

"Are you inviting me to your apartment for drinks on the first date...?~ Good girls don't do that...~" He teased, clearly trying to avoid my question.

"Oh get your mind out of the gutter...!~" I looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. "Crowley we made a deal and you promised me..."

He sighed. "Come on then..."

We got out of the car and I let him inside my apartment.

"It's small and crappy, I know..." I took of my jacket and shoes. "Jeez those were killing me... oh you can take of your shoes if you want and put them wherever..." I looked up at him and realized I was again much shorter than him.

"I prefer to keep them on so I can leave quickly when you decide to kick me out."

"Oh wow, it's really that bad uh?" 

He nodded.

"Well whatever, what do you want to drink?"

"Y/n I would rather just talk and ... get it out straight away." 

I nodded in understanding and took us to my couch in my small living room which was the same room as the kitchen and oh my god my living space was embarrassing compared to  his obviously wealthy life style.

"I..." He started out but took a moment to think over what he was going to say. "You're not going to believe me, and that's  fine, but I want you to know I would never lie or make fun of you-- everything I'm going to say is the honest truth..."

I put my hand over his. "Okay, I trust you..."

A small smile made its way over his lips but he quickly tried to cover it.

"I think the best way... is to show you. Amazingly enough, you've never asked about my sunglasses..."

"I figured you had some form of dis-figuration that you felt self-conscious about... I totally don't mind, I just didn't want to pry..."

"I guess you could call it that... I haven't always looked like this..." I he slowly took of the sunglasses but his eyes were still closed.

When he finally opened them, I was met with the eyes of a snake.

 

Chapter Text

From his lips

Not words alone pleased her.

--John Milton, Paradise lost

 

I stared back into his golden-yellow eyes, the pupils of which were slit much like a snake's.

"Are they... are they real...?" I tried to see if they were contacts, but they clearly weren't.

"Yes..." he looked down, ashamed of showing his true nature.

I gently took his face in my hands, turning him towards me once again. "What does this mean, Crowley...?"

"Remember today when you were reading Paradise lost...?"

"Yeah..."

"Well... I'm a demon... not only that, I am the serpent of Eden..."

While I was still processing the information, to prove his statement he transformed into an enormous snake.

I stared at him in shock but after a while I attempted to touch him, hoping that he wouldn't react negatively.

He turned back into his previous form. "I turn into a deadly snake and the first thing you try to do is pet me...?~"

"Yeah, so...?~"

He grinned. "You are so weird...~"

"Says the guy with yellow eyes...!~"

"So... you're not freaked out...?"

"Of course I am, honestly I just hope that I haven't been drugged... but Crowley I still like you and if you're not going to devour me while I'm sleeping then I don't see the problem...."

"The problem is those guys I saved you from that night... they are also demons and if they found out I had even been kind to a human, let alone have feelings for one, they would do everything in their power to reprimand me..."

I took his hand on instinct, squeezing it lightly. "Would they hurt you...?"

He noticed the gesture, deciding whether or not he was comfortable with the phisical contact, and I was just about to pull away my hand when he squeezed it back.

"They would hurt me by doing unspeakable things to you..."

I fell silent. I was no match for the demons even when I had been just a random girl to them, I couldn't even imagine what they would do to me if they were going to harm me to get at Crowley.

"This is why I left, if we ever get caught in public holding hands or doing romantic things by one of them, you're on their list... and I can't ask you to keep a relationship in the dark, it's not fair to you..."

"But if we did keep it secret, would that mean I can't even be seen with you in public...?"

"I guess if they did notice me hanging around you, they might assume that I'm trying to acquire your soul or that I've chosen you as some sort of plaything of mine, like I told them that night to get you away... if I am making you sin then they're okay with it, but anything like a normal relationship is unheard of, even my friendship with Aziraphale..."

I nodded sadly. Yes, it would have sucked to run and hide, I was going to have to keep my guard up every single second... but I was willing to try if he was.

Crowley looked miserable, I understood then how lonely he must have been, having to keep up appearances to make sure the people he cared about were safe.

I leaned closer to him, pressing my lips to his softly, and closed my eyes.

He didn't kiss back immediately, but as I was going pull away he put a hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer and kissing me deeply.

I couldn't help but sigh softly as his tongue entered my mouth, playing with mine. I put my arms around his neck and he pulled me into his lap, as I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands as I pleased.

He responded by biting my lip and I looked up at him in surprise as he pulled away.

"You are playing with fire here... this, us... you still don't understand how dangerous it is..." He seemed to be out of breath.

"I gather you liked the kiss then...?~" I asked, grinning up at him.

"Y/n..." he looked away embarassed, avoiding my question. "I'm serious..."

"So am I... I've made my decision... and you have to respect it..."

"I just... I didn't think..."

"You didn't think I was gonna stay..."

He didn't answer me and I hid my face into the crook of his neck.

I felt him stroke my back and I soon drifted to sleep.

___

The next morning I woke up on the couch with a blanket over me and definetely no sign of Crowley.

I looked for him, just to see if maybe he had stayed over but he wasn't there. I decided to take a shower to relax and go over everything that had happened, trying to figure out if hadn't actually all been a dream.

Whatever it had been,I knew that my feelings for Crowley were real and I wanted to be with him.

I had breakfast and got dressed.

I spent my morning attending classes and after lunchtime I headed over the the bookshop for my shift.

"Hey Zira...!" I waved at him.

"Y/n...! Such good news, Crowley told me everything...!" He was so giddy I could have laughed.

"Lower your voice...!" I whisper yelled.

"Oh don't worry, Crowley is the only demon I let in the shop..." He reassured me.

"So, you can scare off demons...?"

"Well yes, you see... I'm an angel..."

"What...?!"

There were angels as well...?

A few people turned to look at me.

"Come my dear, you must tell me everything..." He took me to the back room.

"Everything? I thought you and Crowley already giggled about it on the phone like a couple of school girls...~"

"Well yes but now I want to gossip with you about him..."

"Only if you tell me why on Earth an angel and a demon are best friends...~"

"Deal."

___

I spent the day gossiping about Crowley and asking Aziraphale about their lives. I learned that they met in the garden of Eden and they were both 6000 years old.

That's a hell of an age difference.

Currently Aziraphale was telling me of Crowley's various hair style phases.

"Really...?~ I wish I could have seen him, I'm sure he looks really hot with long hair ...~"

I felt someone hug me from behind. "Who looks hot...?~"

I leaned into Crowley. "No one...~"

"Aziraphale, you wouldn't lie to me. Who were you two talking about?~"

"I'm sorry Crowley, but my loyalties lie with y/n..."

I grinned at the demon. "Yeah, Zira's my friend now...~"

"You're dispicable..." he kissed me. "Taking away my friends from me..."

I pulled him down, deepening the kiss. "I'll be taking your car next...~"

"You wouldn't dare...~" He bit my neck and I pulled away.

"I'll have you know that I am working...~" I went over to the cash register.

"I wouldn't call obsessing over my haircuts with Aziraphale 'working'...~" he leaned against a bookcase, looking at me through his sunglasses.

"We were working, weren't we Zira...?~"

"Oh yes, I almost sold a book today...~" He said,  genuinely proud of his efforts.

"See...?~ I stuck my tongue out at Crowley.

"When you two finish whatever it is you are doing, how about we go out for a drink...?"

"I don't know Zira, should we go out with this loser...?~"

"Well I think we must y/n, he is simply hopeless without us..."

I grinned. "True...~"

___

After an amazing night out with the boys, Crowley drove me home as I was feeling a bit tipsy.

"Wooooo this car goes so fast...!~"

Okay, maybe I was completely drunk. Crowley seemed to be as well at first but somehow he had managed to sober up.

"Y/n you're completely off of your face...~" he helped me out of the car, walking me to my apartment.

"And you're cute... but in the morning I shall be sober...!~" I announced triumphantly.

"I don't think that's how it goes, love...~" He unlocked the door for me with my keys.

I pouted as we walked inside. "It's not...?~"

He shook his head kissing me and I tried to pull him closer but he resisted me.

"Go to sleep love, you're very drunk...~" he put a strand of hair behind my ear.

"What...?~ you're not even gonna make sure I reach my bed...?~ I could trip over something and die...~"

He smirked. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing... it's not gonna happen....~"

I stood on the tip of my toes, biting his bottom lip. "What's not gonna happen...?~"  I asked innocently.

"I am so going to get back at you for all this teasing..." He whispered in a low voice and shiver ran down my spine.

I took off his sunglasses to look into his eyes. "Is that a threat...?~"

"It's a promise..."

I jumped up into his arms, even more keen on teasing him. "Can you at least carry me...?~ I'm tired...~"

"Of course love..." he said, carrying me to my room.

I took the opportunity to kiss and bite his neck like he'd done to me in the bookshop.

His grip on me seemed to become tighter, but other than that he didn't seemed bothered by my actions.

"Mhh I like your tattoo so much...~" I said tracing it with my finger. "Did you get it because you're a snek boi..?~"

He looked at me with an amused look on his face. "Sorry, I'm a what...?~"

"A snek boi...~"

He put me on the bed. "Go to sleep, you're in for a rough morning with the way you've been drinking...~"

"Wait are you leaving..?" I tugged on his arm.

"Yes love, I'll see you tomorrow..." he caressed my cheek.

"Mhh okay...~" I yawned, getting comfortable on the bed. "Goodnight...~" I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Chapter Text

What hath night to do with sleep?

___John Milton, Paradise lost

 

It turned out Crowley and I were pretty good at sneaking around. Our relationship didn't seem to be threatened by having to hide our affection as much as his constant leaving out of the blue for reasons unexplained.

"Y/n you know he's a demon... there's things he needs to do, especially now to keep up appearances, that I'm sure he's ashamed of telling you." Aziraphale tried to defend his best friend's actions.

"But he doesn't even warn me before he leaves ... or tell me how long he's going to be gone for..."

"Have you tried talking to him about it...?"

"He just gets ticked off and leaves...!"

"Hmmm, then I will try--"

"No Zira, he needs to start listening to me as well... t just has to be somewhere he feels comfortable and he can't walk away from me..."

___

A couple of days later I tried going to Crowley's apartment to see if he was back since he was completely ignoring mine and Aziraphale's calls.

He'd been gone for weeks and we were both incredibly worried.

I knocked on his door for what felt almost like an hour, standing like a loser outside his door until I decided he was either not home or ignoring me. 

I went back down the stairs of the apartment complex, tears swelling in my eyes as I tried to wipe them away.

I bumped into somebody who was walking up the stairs.

"S-sorry ..." I said dumbly, desperately trying to get back to my car where I could cry my eyes out.

I felt the person grab onto my wrist and I looked up to see the man I'd been worried sick over.

After I got the shock out of my system, I angrily pulled my wrist out of his grip.

"Where the hell have you been...?!"

"Please love---"

"Don't you 'please love' me...!" 

"Can I at least explain inside my apartment...? I don't want to alarm the neighbors..."

I hadn't even realized how loud my outburst had been, I was shaking.

I nodded following him to his place, feeling embarrassed not only about my actions-- God knows I must have looked a mess. 

I looked around Crowley's perfect looking flat, standing awkwardly.

"I was just looking for you at the bookshop... Aziraphale said you were here..."

"I wanted to see if you were back... if you were okay..." I managed to say. He didn't answer me. "All I want is a warning before you vanish in thin air or at least a way of knowing  that you're all right... is that too much to ask?"

"There's are some things that I can't explain to  you..." He said almost angrily.

"And why the hell  not...?" I asked in the same tone of voice.

"Because in such a short amount of time I've gone from not having a care in the world to being unable to go throughout a single day without seeing your face, I have all these feelings I've never experienced in six thousand years that I don't know what to do with, and I need to know I can distance myself from you because I've been cast away before and I don't think I can go through it again...!" He was shaking now, much like I'd been before. 

It sounded like he'd once been through an intense relationship that had resulted into a messy break-up.

I stepped closer to him, taking his hand gently. "I'm sorry Crowley, whatever your ex did to you, I could never put you through any pain... but at least now I know about your anxieties and I promise to never break your trust... all I ask is that you trust me as well..."

He shook his head and smiled, clearly I'd once again made the wrong assumption.

"When I said I was cast away, I meant from heaven... I'm a fallen angel..."

I once again stood dumbfounded, taking in more important details about his life that he'd long been neglecting to tell me.

"So... " I said. "Your trust issues are real bad, uh...?" 

He chuckled "You could say that..." 

"And when you leave, it's just... your own way of feeling like you're in control...?"

He nodded. "I know it's a dick move and I make you worry... it's just an impulsive thing that happens whenever we've had an amazing evening together or when you drive me particularly insane... my feelings for you become so intense that it scares me and I just run before I fuck something up."

I smiled up at him. "Could it be that I just need to show you how to act out on your feelings...?~"

"What do you mean...?"He gave me a confused look and I rolled my eyes a little.

"Just promise me you won't run away next time and you'll tell me what's going on..."

"I promise..."  I kissed him on the nose and made my way towards the door.

"You could stay... I mean, I haven't seen you in while and ... I missed you..."

___

Staying over at his place became a natural occurrence and I took it as a sign of trust on his part.

He also started telling me when he was leaving and for how long, but there were still some things that only he was to know.

For example what he was actually doing on these trips and whether or not he was alone.

The other thing he had been secretive about was his life as an angel, which I imagined must have pained him greatly to re-live.

He had given me a key to his apartment, and even though I would never have admitted it to him, I sometimes came over to sleep in his bed when he was away and I missed him.

One night I got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen and I found him sitting on his throne. What shocked me was that a pair of black wings had sprouted from his back.

"Crowley...?" I tried not startle him but he was obviously surprised by my presence.

"I thought you were sleeping love..."

"I needed to drink some water... " I reached out towards one of the wings. "Can I touch them...?"

He seemed conflicted. "They're not in their best shape... after years of them not being groomed they just hurt and I can't fly with them..."

"You can't groom them...?"

"There's some places I can't reach... I'm meant to have somebody do it for me but they are so sensitive I don't trust anyone... it's quite an intimate thing..."

"I could do it, I promise I won't hurt you... " I sat in his lap, putting my arms around his neck. "It's not fair that you don't get to fly ..."

He smiled. "I wanted to ask you, the only thing you need to know is... it gets me quite... riled up... when somebody touches my wings. I don't know whether you're gonna be comfortable with that yet ... " His features and body language became more and more insicure by the end of his sentance, even though he had me in his lap straddling him. I wanted to laugh.

"Crowley, don't you remember that night you brought me home and I clearly tried to seduce you...?~ How can you think I'd be bothered in any way...? "

He gave me a stern look. "You were incredibly drunk, it has nothing to do with consent."

"True..." I played with his hair. "Still... you must know how goodlooking you are and that I'm literally putty in your hands..." I took his glasses off and directed his averted gaze onto mine. "Especially when you look at me..."

"These are the eyes of a monster, the first monster..." He seethed through his teeth, the hatred he felt for his distinctive features was obvious.

"I would argue they are the eyes of the man who gave us free will..."

He was taken back by my answer.

"But in either case they are beautiful and they belong to my boyfriend, the rest means nothing to me..."

He leaned down to kiss me until I was completely out of breath.

"You... are a weird little human..."

"Is this your way of saying I'm right...?~" I bit his lip. "Stubborn old demon...~"

He hugged me close, wich was something he rarely did. I was glad his walls were gradually breaking down.

"So we agree from now on when we're in the apartment together, the glasses stay off..?"

"... yes... I guess that's reasonable..." I hid in his neck smiling. "And I can sort out your nasty ass wings in return...~"

"Oi..!~" He started tickling me.

"W-what..?~ y-you basically said they were... n-nasty...!~"

Chapter Text

Innocence, Once Lost,
Can Never Be Regained.
Darkness, Once Gazed Upon, 
Can Never Be Lost.

__John Milton, Paradise Lost

"Right so, talk me through this..." I gently ran my fingers across his feathers, making him shudder.

He was laying down on the bed with his back to me while I sat on him.

"See those broken feathers...? Please take them out they are driving me insane..."

"Awe, is it painful babe...?~" I kissed his nape, playing with his hair.

He groaned a little, ignoring my question. I knew he hated feeling vulnerable.

I gently started plucking some of his feathers out, immediately stopping when I felt him spasm and jolt.

"Oh my God, Crowley I'm so sorry...! Are you okay...?!"

He turned around slightly and I was surprised to see that he was slightly out of breath and red in the face.

"Did I hurt you? I-"

"Hey calm down..." He tried to reassure me. "You didn't hurt me. Like I said before, I'm not used to anyone touching my wings... it does things to me..."

I stopped panicking and went over his statement in my head. "Things...?~"

He grinned. "Don't start being smug...~"

"Me...?~ Smug...?~ Never...~" I went back to grooming the same wing. He seemed to gradually get used to my touches but he couldn't help but groan and grunt whenever I grazed a sensitive spot. I'm not going to lie, between those sounds and the way his back muscles were flexing, he was turning me on.

I decided to bring the situation to my own advantage as he was also clearly frustrated. After I made sure that his feathers were no less than perfect, I started massaging his back at the base of his wings and I watched as they flattered.

"T-that's enough... thank you..." he turned around and held me in his lap, making me pout.

"But I was just getting started...~" I leaned into his neck, trailing it with kisses and feeling his skin heat up under my touch. His rough hands squeezed my hips when I started giving him a hickey; as I would soon find out, Crowley had a thing for being marked and marking me back in return. I liked to cover his neck in little red bruises while he had a completely different approach: he would hold me down to the bed with a hand to my neck, biting and sucking at the same spot on my neck until it turned almost blue, making me cry out and pull at his hair, which only spurred him on more.

This was what I wanted to get out of him - his possessive side - and boy did he not disappoint. We all but tore the clothes off each other and I gave him an innocent look as his snake eyes roamed my naked form.

"Don't do that..." He said, his voice sounding rougher.

"Don't do what...?~" I grinned cheekily up at him.

"Don't pretend as if you don't know exactly what you're doing...~"

"Mhh, you love it...~"I climbed into his lap and bit his bottom lip playfully, earning a growl from him and a light spank that made me squeak. I blushed, embarrassed by my own noise but certainly interested in where he was going to take things.

"Too far...?~" He smirked at me like the smug asshole he was.

"I don't know..." I put my arms around his neck and started grinding myself onto his member. "Is this too far...?" I sighed sweetly against his chest, feeling myself getting wetter at the sensation and I could have sworn in that moment I had actually heard him hiss.

One of his hands trailed down to my slit and I felt one of his fingers play with my folds. Meanwhile he had taken an interest in marking up my breasts, littering them with red bites, to which I responded by raking my nails across his skin whenever he was particularly rough, leaving lines and gashes across his neck, back, shoulders and chest.

I gasped, holding him close when he decided to stop playing and finally enter a finger inside me, instead of poking around like a most clueless men did, he pushed it in as far as he could and started rubbing it against my walls.

I moaned, trying to bury myself against his chest as I started rutting back against his hand. He gave me a second finger and a third when he deemed me slick enough, enjoying the show I was putting on.

"C-Crowley... you can... " I couldn't even find the words at that point. "We can..." I was cut off mid sentence when he changed angle and grazed a spot inside me that I never even knew existed. "Fuck...!"

"You were saying...?~" He enjoyed toying with me way too much.

My capability to speak was long gone, so I tried to get my point across by taking his dick into my hand, pumping him and feeling how slick he was from my juices and his own precome.

He bit and kissed my neck, whispering to me in a low hypnotizing voice "Patiance love... you will only take what I give you, do I make myself clear...?"

I nodded obidiently, feeling like I would do anything to please that voice, to serve him, my master...

He chuckled lowly in my hear. "I quite like the sound of that...~"

I suddenly felt red hot all over, had I just said that out loud...?
I whined in frustration and maybe also at the unfamiliar feeling that was starting to brew in the pit of my stomach.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a virgin, but until that moment I'd never experienced and orgasm before. Sex for me had always been just... pleasent, okay... a way of feeling closer to somebody and always ending with the other person's satisfaction.

That's why as Crowley edged me closer I was both excited and terrified, losing it completely after one point.

I kept touching and rubbing my own clit against against him, which made him growl and finger bang my sweet spot at an unforgiving pace.

My vision started going black and I could feel my brain fuzzing. All I could do was rut myself onto him desperately as the room was filled with screames that I didn't even recognise. Was that really my voice...?

Since when did I sound so wanton and not even on purpose...?

Oh who cares, this feels so good...

"S-so good to me... " I sobbed into his neck, once again having no control over my words.

I could tell he wanted to give me another snark remark but the way his eyebrows were knit and his forehead was starting to sweat, I could tell he was also far gone.

"You're doing... so well, love..." He managed between his heavy breathing. "Can you manage to squirt all over me like a good girl...?"

That was the last thing I heard before it hit me. Hard. A flash of heat that went up my spine all the way to my brain, as I coated his fingers with my slick and I held onto him for dear life.

I soon lost the feeling in my limbs and Crowley had to hold me close, as I looked completely disoriented.

"Hey, are you in there...?" He lightly shook me, and I came back to reality, still feeling like putty in his hands.

"Mhh...? Yes, never better...~" I smiled up at him and he chuckled.

"Talk about an afterglow...~" He grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "That was quite a show you put on...~"

"It's your fault...!" I fake protested. "I wanted us to do it, you're the one who decided to tease me like there's no tomorrow ..." I mumbled in his neck, still blushing as I went over it in my head.

"And I can't say I regret it, love...~" He kissed my forehead.

"But wait..!" I suddenly remembered, feeling dread come over me. "What about you..? Oh my god, I'm such a terrible person, I was so caught in the moment--"

He shut me up with a kiss. "What about me...?"

"Well I didn't do anything for you, and--"

"You didn't ...?~"

"You came...? I didn't even realize..."

"Like I said, you put on quite a show and you were pretty out of it for a few seconds...~"

I laughed nervously. "Yeah..."

"What's wrong ...?" His brows furrowed.

"Nothing, we should get washed up..." I managed to walk two steps from the bed before I was losing the feeling in my legs again and Crowley had to catch me before I tumbled over.

"Right, you're telling me what's going on, now..." I knew he was just being concerned, but I loved it when he gave me orders.

"Nothing, really, I'm just not used to it..."

"Not used to what...?"

I huffed, really hating the fact that I had to tell him. "I've never had an orgasm, okay?" I snapped. "Not that's any of your business, but I always thought that maybe there was something wrong with me and now I guess my body is just trying to process--"

I was suddenly picked up and pushed against the wall, Crowley taking my breath away as he kissed me hungrily and pulled me so close there was no air between us.

"You say or even think, that there is anything wrong with you ever again, and I just might have to discipline you into getting the notion out of your head..." he bit my lip hard almost drawing blood. "Do you understand me...?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yes..."

"Yes, what...?"

I literally had no air left in my lungs. "Yes, sir..."

Pleased with my answer he took me to the bathroom were a warm shower was already running. I played with his hair and kissed him sweetly as he carried me, already wanting to rile him up again.

It was going to be a long night.

 

Chapter Text

So forcible within my heart I feel
The bond of nature draw me to my own,
My own in thee, for what thou art is mine;
Our state cannot be severed, we are one,
One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself.

__ John Milton, Paradise Lost.

Crowley's P.O.V

It had been a while since I'd woken up next to someone, and I'd certainly never brought anyone back to my flat. It was my haven, my lair: cool, stylish and cut off from the rest of world.

Then why did it feel so right to have y/n snuggled up into my chest? Why did I never want her to leave?

I ran my fingers through her hair as she slept soundly. Since when was I this caring? For a human none the less...

Why did it hurt to know that her life was just a fleeting moment against the eternity I had to face?

Alone.

Without her.

Y/n stirred next to me and her big e/c eyes looked up at me sleepily. "mornin' ...." She stretched as our limbs were still tangled.

"Good morning ..." I pulled her in my lap kissing her and she giggled, weakly pushing me away.

"Stop...!~ I'm all gross in the mornings, let me brush my teeth at least...~" Y/n tried to get out of bed but I immediately caught her from behind, hugging her against my chest.

"Now y/n, you know I don't like it when you knock yourself down ..." I kissed her neck. "... saying things that... simply aren't true... and make me very... very angry..." 

"Mhh sorry...~ I didn't know you felt so strongly about it...~"She sighed sweetly leaning into me and I smirked on her skin.

"It's alright love...~ Now, can I tempt you to stay in bed with me a little longer...?" I whispered even though we were completely alone. She nodded and turned around to kiss me. I kissed her back so hungrily, it must have looked like I wanted to take all the air out of her lungs. I kept my hands firmly on her hips, holding her still, with her back to my chest.

Maybe it was because I had a very different concept of time from hers, but  I tended to enjoy things to the fullest, draw them out for hours, kiss her until her lips were raw, tease her until her thighs were wet and dripping onto mine, onto the sheets, make her scream until her vocal cords hurt and her eyes watered---or maybe, just maybe, I was a frustrating little shit and I loved having this effect on her way too much.

"Crowley...!~" She whined and managed to give me a look that was only half pissed-off. 

"Yes, love...?~" I licked a stripe up her cunt, which made her pull at the strands of my hair.

"Y-you... shit...!~ ...you better stop... t-teasing and...just... fuck me..." She said the last part quietly, almost as if she wasn't used to her own words.

Who was I to refuse such a remarkable creature? One that clearly had nothing to do neither with hell nor heaven, but was so incredibly human for all of the right reasons. She represented everything I loved the most about this world, almost as if she was made for me. Or maybe it was me that had been made for her.

On the other hand, I was tainted. An unforgivable creature of hell who deserved nothing but misery and whose job description was to destroy those around him.

I didn't deserve her and I didn't understand why it mattered to me.

Y/n 's P.O.V.

Crowley was having his fun with me, and by that I meant that his fingers were making me see starts at that point.

But I wanted more. I wanted him.

He seemed to have a very intense look in his eyes, like he was debating something with himself

"Hey..." I grabbed his face in my hands. "I want you... that's the only thing that matters right now... " I kissed him and reached down between us, holding his member as I sank down on him slowly.

I felt his nails drag across my back as I moaned and clenched around him. 
He twitched inside me but gave me all the time that I needed to adjust to his size, stroking the small of my back absentmindedly.

"Take... all the time you need love..." his voice was rough, and I loved it. I loved doing this to him.

I was in complete bliss, the feeling of being filled by him was driving me insane.

I started grinding onto him in circular motions, trying to keep as much of him inside me as I could. I also did everything I could to bite back my sounds, but I soon felt the tip of Crowley's thumb nail press into my clit and I gave out a yelp.

"You be a good girl for me now and let me hear those pretty sounds, yeah...?" I could hear the hiss in his words and once again I wanted to do nothing but succumb to his charms.

"Y-yes..." I nodded like a good girl(His good girl) and whined, still girating my hips against his.

"Yes master Crowley ..."

The moment those words left my lips, I suddendly found myself empty and pushed onto the bed on my stomach. He thrust himself inside me all at once and I cried out, as his whole body envoloped mine from behind and he took me against the bed.

"What is it you just called me, love...?" He growled into my ear and I blushed as I felt myself getting wetter around him. His pace was unforgiving, yet I still moaned and rutted myself back onto him, sinking my nails into the sheets.

"Say it ...!" He snaked an arm around me and started teasing my clit with his fingers. "Say it, or I won't let you come..."

So he can control orgasms... ? Sneaky fuck...

I was completely lost in the pleasure he was giving me and I barely managed to say the word.

"M-master..."

He snapped his hips sharply a few more times and I clenched around him, screaming and letting the feeling of bliss wash over me. Crowley soon followed, releasing himself inside me and riding out his high.

A few moments passed and then he picked me up in his arms again.

"I'm afraid we can't cuddle all day, babe..." I kissed his forehead. "I have class soon and I need to get ready... we'll see each other at the bookshop, yeah...?~"

____

When I went to the bathroom to get washed I looked at myself in the mirror and realized the number of hickeys that Crowley had given me and how obvious they were. I couldn't go out like that.

I grabbed my foundation from the my make-up bag that I now left at Crowley's place and managed to cover them up as much as I could.

"Hey... what are you doing...?" He looked quite hurt that I was covering his marks. "I thought you liked them..."

"I do babe, it's just... I'm going to get a lot of attention ... for all the wrong reasons..."

A look of realization passed through his face. "Oh of course, I'm sorry... I'm so selfish, I don't even think about these things. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable..."

I took his face in my hands gently. "Thanks for understanding... I swear love them and I want you to always mark me..." I kissed him sweetly and I felt him liven up instantly,  pride was practicly radiating off him.

"Now I really have to go, so you later...~" I kissed his nose and ran out of the apartment.