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Regional Birthday Traditions

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Leonard woke up early and made French toast even though it was a cereal day.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes but he ate his breakfast without complaint. Leonard was fairly sure that as long as he didn't say the words, he would be okay.


At lunch, no one argued with Sheldon when he took a strong stance on the Flash vs. Superman in a footrace debate. Raj figuratively bit his tongue in that he remained silent. Howard literally bit his tongue when he tried to argue and got a violent kick under the table from Leonard. He spent the rest of lunch holding a napkin to his bloody tongue while Sheldon explained the physics behind his reasoning.


Leonard went to the comic book store and bought a new Green Lantern shirt. It was a long shirt that hung nearly to his knees but he ripped the tags off and tossed the receipt in the trash and made Stuart promise not to allow him to return the shirt.

He argued vociferously and Sheldon got his chicken chopped although the menu specified "shredded".

He bought the good mustard.

He feigned disapproval when Penny showed up with a cheesecake. He stood beside Sheldon and nodded while the man ranted about the hell of bouncy castles and conical hats. He did, however, slip Penny half the money for the cheesecake before she left and prompted Sheldon to say "thank you". He had nothing to do with the awkward hug that accompanied Sheldon's thank you. He was as shocked as Penny, who was in tears as she left.


Leonard sat on his side of the couch, not touching Sheldon at all as his roommate spoke to his mother on the phone.

"No mother, I'm not having a party. I don't like parties. I'm not having cake. Well, I'm having cheesecake because it was forced upon me by Penny. Yes, I said thank you. Yes, I said it sincerely and I gave her a hug. I hope you are still thrilled when I come down with some horrible Cheesecake Factory-borne virus. No, Leonard did not buy me a gift though he fortuitously happened to purchase a shirt far too long for him and was forced to give it to me. I assume that was pure coincidence. Sarcasm. Yes, I'm very pleased with my progress on that front as well."

Leonard enjoyed listening to Sheldon talk to his mother and imagining that he had a mother like Mrs. Cooper. Part of him wanted to tell Sheldon's mother the truth about the change in their relationship and give her a chance to embrace him as her, sort of, son-in-law. There was one small problem with that particular plan, Mrs. Cooper might hate Leonard forever for bringing her son into a life of sin and eternal damnation. While Leonard would be saddened to be scorned and possibly doused with holy water by Mrs. Cooper, it would crush Sheldon to face his mother's disapproval. Although she rarely understood Sheldon and he occasionally "creeped the bejeezus" out of her, her love had always been unconditional. Leonard wondered what that was like.


After Sheldon hung up the phone, he took a shower and warmed himself a cup of milk and prepared for bed.

"Leonard, I would like to thank you for refraining from indulging in overly sentimental behavior today. I know how much you enjoy attempting to heal your own psychological wounds by forcing sentimentality upon me."

"You're welcome, Sheldon."

"I like my new shirt."

"I'm glad I bought the wrong size. It worked out well."

"Goodnight, Leonard."

"Actually, there is a birthday tradition I would like to... to which I would like to adhere."

Sheldon smiled at his correct grammar, like it was part of the gift. "Which tradition?"

Leonard climbed off the couch and guided Sheldon into the bedroom.


Leonard untied the bathrobe, pulled up the pajama shirt and the tee-shirt underneath, pulled down the pajama bottoms and the standard white y-fronts. He had suggested Sheldon wear less clothing to bed. It was a mistake he didn't make twice.

He kissed Sheldon's stomach and thighs, enjoying the way his roommate tried so hard to stay still, determined to appear to be in control of his baser instincts. For months, he'd made love to Sheldon like he was disarming a bomb. Even though it had been Sheldon who initiated their physical relationship, Leonard had been perpetually afraid that one wrong move would lead to an explosion. The horrifying result of such an explosion would be inevitably be Sheldon finally remembering that he didn't like to be touched.

Months had gone by and Leonard had learned to relax. Sheldon loved him. He shared a bed with him. He was still afraid of getting a foot fungus from Leonard but he was willing to engage in even some of the most intimate and unhygienic of activities with his roommate. There was no point in trying to discuss or analyze it. Some variables can't be isolated, not on this plane of existence.

Leonard still had to sit on the far side of the couch to watch TV but he was allowed to suck at the sensitive flesh of Sheldon's inner thigh with impunity.

"Leonard, your actions are becoming frustrating."

Maybe not with impunity but he was allowed to do it. He was allowed to mouth Sheldon's testicles, one at a time, until his roommate lost his ability to speak coherently.

"Leonard, please, more. Soon."

He could push Sheldon's legs up so he could kiss the back of his thighs until Sheldon took "matters" into his own hands. Even at this distance, Sheldon's hand working his own erection was a blur without his glasses.

"You shouldn't be so impatient, Sheldon."

"It's my birthday, I believe some impolite behavior is allowed."

He stilled Sheldon's hand, kissing the fingers that remained wrapped around his stiff member. Sheldon gently moved his hand to Leonard's hair and out of Leonard's way.

He liked to start with teasing licks. It was a good way to get the shaft nicely lubricated with added benefit of driving his partner crazy. Because it was the man's birthday, he didn't tease him for long. Sheldon's cock began twitching as soon as Leonard wrapped his mouth around the head and he felt a rush of heat through his own body at Sheldon's strong reaction. He would never cease to be amazed by how strongly Sheldon reacted to his touch. He'd always considered himself a "tries hard" type of lover more than "skilled" but Sheldon made him feel like love god. When (if, if, if) Sheldon ended their relationship, Leonard doubted he would ever feel this good again. There couldn't be another person with whom he would be so physically in-tune. It was always amazing. The first time, the quickies, the 3AM post nightmare sessions... all amazing.

Sucking Sheldon's dick without touching himself was amazing. Sheldon would fall asleep immediately afterward and Leonard would spend roughly two minutes taking care of himself, Sheldon's moans ringing in his ears, and he would feel amazing.

Sheldon's breathing became ragged as Leonard took his entire length and began to move his mouth quickly. His roommate's long legs were twitching with anticipation. He slowed his pace to enjoy the signs of his friend's eagerness and was rewarded with a plaintive moan.

Fussy, bossy, demanding Sheldon.

"Leonard, please."

Charming, adorable, quirky Shelly.

He wrapped his hand around the base of Sheldon's cock and worked it slightly out of sync with the movements of his mouth. Years of gaming finally coming into play as he deftly brought his roommate to the brink. He watched the slim body tense and he knew those long fingered hands were twisting into the sheets, wrinkling the fabric. If Penny saw Leonard on the way to the laundry tomorrow, she'd give him a friendly slug in the arm.

He kept his pace quick as Sheldon swelled and pulsed in his mouth and he felt like a stud when Sheldon growled, "Oh, hell" as he came.

He ran his hands gently over Sheldon's thighs as the taller man twitched with the after shocks of what was apparently one hell of a birthday blow-job. Leonard was painfully hard but he felt satisfied and maybe a little smug. He didn't dare kiss Sheldon anywhere near his mouth before brushing his teeth first so he settled for kissing his pale belly.

"Happy birthday, Shelly."

Sheldon grabbed his wrist when he tried to climb off the bed and head to the bathroom to "take care" of himself.

His roommate rolled onto his side and positioned Leonard into a "spooning" position. Sheldon often tolerated cuddling but he'd never before initiated it. Leonard was confused but happy as Sheldon's hand slid down his chest. His roommate was stultifyingly predictable in so many ways but when he decided to go off-script, he was full of surprises.

Leonard was further pleasantly surprised when Sheldon's hand slid into his boxers and grasped his erection. If Sheldon managed to stay awake post-oral sex AND post-warm milk, Leonard was getting some reciprocal loving.

"I was not aware of the tradition of giving oral sex as a birthday gift."

"It might... guh, be a regional thing." He was almost there and Sheldon had barely touched him.

"So when it's your birthday..."

The thought alone almost sent Leonard over the edge. Sheldon's mouth...

"I don't expect... oh wow... what was I saying? Oh... I know how you feel about..." he'd have to finish the sentence later. There was too little blood in his brain for complete sentences.

"I'd like to try."

Leonard came so suddenly that Sheldon was unable to spare the sheets. He could feel Sheldon's frown even with his eyes closed but Leonard was happy.

"You honestly don't have to, Shelly. Not if you don't want to."

Sheldon shooed him off the bed, forcing him to stand on his wobbly legs while he stripped the bed.

"I want to. Perhaps it's an artifact of our repeated sexual interactions but the idea seems less and less repulsive to me as our relationship continues."

He was exhausted and his jaw ached and he thought it was very typical of a Hofstadter that the best birthday of his life was not, in fact, his birthday.