If there were an award for “World’s Worst Liar”, Leonard would bet on Sheldon winning it every year from its inception until the judges finally gave up in disgust. Sheldon’s face twitches, or he comes up with elaborate crap that unravels far too easily, or he just plain sounds like he’s spinning bullshit. It’s impossible not to tell when he’s lying.
So when Sheldon suggests they sit in a booth instead of at their regular table at the Cheesecake Factory because he’s got a little lower back pain due to his ageing computer chair finally coming apart, Leonard doesn’t suspect a damn thing.
They settle in side by side, across from Howard and Raj. Bernadette comes to take their order and make kissy-faces at Howard. Penny swings by to bring their regular drinks and make kissy-faces at Raj just to see him blush. Sheldon’s hand settles onto Leonard’s knee under the table. All in all it’s a normal Tuesday night.
Leonard’s feeling a little worn out; after work he had to drive Sheldon to Plummer’s to pick out a new chair, stand around for half an hour while Sheldon test-sat all of them, get the box into the car, and then put the damn thing together when they got home again. He leans his head back against the booth wall and closes his eyes.
It takes all the willpower he possesses to keep his eyes shut when Sheldon’s hand slips up from his knee into his lap. His instinct wants him to open his eyes and go, “What the hell?”; his cock tells his instinct to shut up and sit down. Sheldon’s blathering on about the ergonomics of his new chair as he flicks the button of Leonard’s pants open.
“Hey, dude, you okay?” Raj asks.
Leonard opens his eyes. “I’m fine,” he says as normally as possible. “Guess who was the one who actually put the chair together?”
Raj just rolls his eyes. “You are so whipped, dude.”
“That’s unfair,” Sheldon says, tugging Leonard’s zipper open with one easy movement. Leonard has never been so glad he forgot to wear a belt, even if he’s been hitching his pants up all day. “Leonard’s merely more skilled with a hex key than I am.”
“Face it, Sheldon,” Howard says, “you’ve got him under your thumb just like Bernadette’s got me under hers.” He gazes fondly across the room at his fiancée. Sheldon’s thumb strokes Leonard, base to tip, through his boxer shorts and Leonard picks up his iced tea to take a sip to hide his gasp. The ice cubes rattle in the glass.
Sheldon makes some remark in return that Leonard completely misses, and slips his fingers inside Leonard’s underwear to wrap around him. He’s sticking with small movements of his wrist and fingers to avoid drawing attention, but nonetheless they’re working quite adequately. His fingers are warm, and the slow strokes that they make send heat flashing through Leonard’s body.
“I agree,” Raj says in response to whatever Sheldon said. Leonard puts his elbows on the table and leans forward to prop his head on his hands because if he doesn’t brace himself somehow he’s going to slither right off the leather-covered seat. “Relationships should always be balanced between giving and taking.”
“Well, of course,” Howard says with a nervous laugh. Sheldon teases at the head of Leonard’s cock with his thumb, smearing drops of pre-come over the sensitive skin and moving so slowly that Leonard can practically feel every whorl and arch of his fingerprint. “I just meant that sometimes the power dynamic can be a little unbalanced.”
“Dude, you’re a little unbalanced.”
“I think Raj overuses the word ‘dude’,” Leonard remarks, and just like that the conversation is off on another tangent about Raj’s attempt to fit in with American culture that somehow ends up with Raj singing “I wish they all could be California giiiirls...” at Bernadette when she comes over with their food. Sheldon’s hand moves a little faster as Howard’s attention focuses on Raj. It’s funny how (ohgod) those two still seem to (godohgod) have some sort of weird (sheldon you crazy bastard) pseudo-relationship going on even though (ohfuck) Howard and Bernadette are engaged.
Leonard expects Sheldon to stop when his food arrives but Bernadette doesn’t even glance down, which is good, because Leonard’s balls are drawn up so tight he thinks they’re going to explode if he doesn’t get to come. Sheldon picks up one of his fries with his free hand and feeds it to Leonard even as his other hand moves inexorably over Leonard’s cock. He’s making little sweeping movements up over the head with his thumb while his fingers squeeze and release, squeeze and release, squeeze and release. Leonard obediently opens his mouth for the offered fry and hears Howard snicker.
“Don’t laugh at them, Howard, it’s sweet,” Bernadette admonishes him, because clearly she can only see what’s going on above the table or she’d be using a term other than “sweet”.
“You’re just as bad.”
“True,” Howard concedes, attempting to pull her into his lap; she squeals and submits. Sheldon’s fingers tighten around Leonard. He picks up another fry and presses it to Leonard’s lips and makes a couple of suddenly quick, economical movements, and Leonard opens his mouth and bites the fry in half to keep from moaning as he pulses and comes under Sheldon’s relentless touch.
“Will you guys quit it?” Raj complains as Sheldon pulls his hand free. “Feeding each other, cuddles at the table... it’s not fair.”
“You’ll find someone,” Leonard says, proud of how he doesn’t sound breathless.
“I’ve been trying to tell myself that for years. Sheldon, you have mayo on your thumb.”
Leonard can’t offer any more words of support to Raj; his breath’s taken away by the sight of Sheldon slipping his thumb into his mouth to lick off the drops of what is most definitely not mayonnaise. The fact that Sheldon makes it a drawn-out production, his tongue swirling around his thumb before he sucks it completely clean, does not help in the slightest.
Finally he gets it together enough to “accidentally” drop his fork under the table and slither down to fetch it. Two seconds later, Sheldon “accidentally” drops a handful of napkins; Leonard wipes up in the confined space and does his pants back up, ruefully noticing the stain on the front of them. He’s going to have to spill his iced tea to cover that up.
Oh well. It was worth it, even if he now has to figure out how he’s going to get Sheldon off on Halo night without the others noticing.