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To The Ninth

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To Park Jimin.

this isnt me asking for forgiveness, because i know you would give it, and it isnt something i could get myself to take. i dont want it. this is me saying im sorry. im sorry for never letting someone love you correctly. im sorry for never stepping down and letting someone come and swoop you off your feet. im sorry for never pusing you away and letting you heal; letting you move on. im sorry for the times i sat and watched you cry, as if your soul hadnt been ripped apart and left to die. im sorry for keeping this going for so long. nothing should have been this way jimin.

but i want you to know that im done. im done ruining you. im done because theres so much i should have said and so much i should have never done. i can't bring myself to face you anymore. theres far too much i have to say but none of me deserves to tell you Park Jimin.

i feel guity questioning what we could have been. how happy and lovely we could have grown to be if i hadnt been this much of a monster. i got off on putting you through pain, and i dont think i have the words to desribe what went through my head. what still does. i think theres something wrong with me.

im sorry this took me so long. that it came to this for me to finally do this. that it took me 17 years and 9 times of breaking you to finally apologize. so if you've made it this far, i have something to say, thought i know i dont deserve to:

i hope the thorns bursting from your hands and petals that sprout from your lungs heal without scars to remind you of me. i hope you forget me, though i can't say the same about you. your love is not unrequited Jimin, i just can't get myself to take yours. i cant. i know its selfish, so i hope youll forgive me just this once. i never have and never could deserve someone with a heart like yours. but someone will come along that will. i promise. and theyll make you feel beautiful.

Goodbye Park Jimin. im sorry.

Min Yoongi