“C’mon, do it, you monster-“
4 years later...
A loud gasp of air cuts through the dead silence of the room.
Izaya Orihara is awake.
Confused, I look around the room I woke up in. I’m surrounded by... bodies.
Am... am I in the fucking morgue?!
I grab the sides of my face, when my fingers brush something metal. I touch it more forcefully, poking it and hearing a weird, almost hollow sound.
I have a metal plate on my head.
I do remember being shot, so I suppose it makes sense.
Voices, heading this way. I panic for a few heart wrenching seconds, before flopping back down in my bed, pretending to sleep.
“Alright man, its $100 for twenty minutes, cash only. This here’s my best one, ass tighter than you’d believe.”
“Heh heh heh.” I hear two men, and the sound of dollar bills shuffling.
“Now, a few ground rules: no punching, no hickeys, don’t leave a mark of any kind or this whole operation is blown up. Now, he’s a spitter, it’s a motor reflex thing, so no hitting. And you cant just shove it in him, the nurses will notice any blood or tears. Sound good?”
“Heh, yeah man.”
Movement, one of the men is leaving.
“Oh, I almost forgot; here’s some Vaseline , help loosen him up. I’ll be back in twenty.”
The door swings shut, and I’m left with a fowl- smelling man, who won’t stop chuckling to himself.
“Heh heh heh, ain’t you a pretty boy...” the man begins to climb on top of me, and yes, his smell gets worse the closer he gets.
He tries kissing me, so I latch my teeth onto his tongue, and bite down with all my strength.
Ugh, that was fowl... his blood on my face and neck, I shove him to the floor.
A glass of water is nearby, so I splash it in my mouth and on my neck.
I get up, only to immediately crash to the floor.
My legs? Shit, I can’t move them!
Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, “Yo stud, you finished up in there? I’m coming in.”
Shit shit shit. I grab the pocket knife I find on the dead guys’ belt, and crawl right up to the door.
“Hey man- whoa...” the other man walks in, finding blood and carnage.
Before he has a chance to move, I slice his Achilles, clean through.
Now that he’s at my level, I can ask him-
“WHERE’S SHIZUO?” And I SLAM his head with the door.
SLAM, “WHERE’S SHIZUO?”
“I-I don’t know who that i-is-“
I look down at the man, seeing if he has anything I can use.
His finger tattoos catch my eye: “Buck/Fuck”.
It triggers a memory I didn’t know I had...
“My name is Buck, and I came here to fuck...”
Fury swirls through me, tinting my vision red. “Your name is Buck, right?”
The guy’s eyes widen.
“And you came here to fuck, right?”
He begins to panic, “Oh no one-“
His body flops around uselessly, as I lean on him, to gather myself. I need to get out of here.
I search the man’s pocket, finding his car keys.
Rolling my eyes, SLAM! “Fucker.”
I find a wheelchair, and I wheel out to the parking garage.
C’mon, c’mon c’mon- My brakes squeak. I’ve found the Pussy Wagon.
Of course it’s a giant-ass truck, painted bright yellow. Not like I wanted to stay under the radar or anything.
Wheeling up to the backseat, I begin the arduous task of pulling myself up, and into the truck. It’s no easy feat, all I have to rely on is my upper body strength, which isn’t at it’s best after being in a god damn coma.
I manage to get myself in, shutting the door to the truck. I sit along the back seat, catching my breath. I stare at my feet.
“...Wiggle your big toe...” I repeat this to myself, mouth barely moving, trying to will my legs back to life.
As I do this, I’m reminded of the people who did this to me. Vorona, Shizuo.
Vorona, a young Russian woman, an assassin, and now, one of the Asuki Groups biggest executives.
Her story began as a child, her father was an assassin, and always away on jobs. Young Vorona busied herself, by reading and teaching herself everything from her father’s library.
One night, she’s home by herself, when another assassin is sent to kill her father. She finds the assassin, and ultimately finds a way to electrocute him. She makes her first kill at age eight.
She begins training daily, to become a stronger person, and to become an assassin. She wants her father’s approval.
At the age of twenty, she is one of the most renowned assassin’s in the world, and this is where our paths cross.
She arrives in Ikebukuro, different jobs calling for her attention. One of them being my request.
She ends up falling in with Shizuo, possibly falling for him.
She shot me in the head.
Now, how does a Russian woman become one of Tokyo’s feared crime bosses?
Her heritage was only brought up once, at a peace meeting between Asuki factions.
“Satome-San, please. Speak your mind.”
The man destined to ruin the evening speaks, “I love this organization, my father, and his father before him all served faithfully. I love this organization more than my own children, more than my own life. But I cannot stand to see this travesty occur upon it.”
“And what is this travesty!”
“This travesty, which shames our forefathers... of SOME RUSSIAN BITCH INVITING HERSELF INTO OUR SECT!”
Vorona leaps onto the table, and with one swipe of her katana, she slices Satome-san’s head clean off.
“Now, as your leader, I encourage you to come to me with any questions or concerns you may have! I assure you I can show you the best way forward! No topic is off- limits, except for the one just discussed.” Vorona speaks sweetly, despite being covered in blood.
“Now, IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY... good.”
”Wiggle. Your. Big. Toe”
The toe on my left foot begins wiggling.
“Good. Now, let’s get these other piggies wiggling.
13 hours later
“I step out of the backseat, and immediately hop into the front, starting the Pussy Wagon, and peeling off.
One plane ride later, I find myself in Okinawa, in a restaurant I’ve only heard rumors of.
I approach the bar, “Hi, may I sit?”
“Oh of course! I’ll have some tea out shortly... OI!! Get your lazy ass out here!”
The man running the bar is very friendly, if a bit abrasive when he yells to his employee.
“So, what brings you to Okinawa, are you by yourself?”
“Yes, I came to see a man.”
He grins “Ohoho, I see, I see! Haha, young love...”
I smile, he gives me too much credit. He goes back and forth with his employee, throwing a knife at one point. It’s funny, might be the first laugh I’ve had.
“Alright, alright so. Tell me what is your man’s name ah?”
I drop my smile, “Hatori Hanzo.”
He freezes, slowly looking up into my eyes, re-examining me. “What business.”
“I need a sword, I have vermin to kill.”
“Huh, they must be pretty big if you need a Hatori Hanzo sword.”
He takes me up into the attic, where all his swords reside. They’re beautiful.
I draw one, swinging it a few times.
“I want this one...”
He shakes his head. “No, if I am to give you a sword, I will create it new. You may stay here and train.”
His ceremony of granting me a sword, is oddly mesmerizing.
“Should you meet God on your journey, I fear he will be cut by this blade. Now, go forth, warrior.”
I bow and grasp the sword, a katana made just for me.
I’m on my home turf, Tokyo, Japan. I choose to remain hidden, by wearing a biker suit, and riding a motorbike. I kinda look like Celty, though my helmet is black.
A car sits next to me at the stoplight. Namie in the drivers seat, talking on her phone.
I know she’s with Vorona now, she never swore any allegiance to me anyway, but i still feel fury and betrayal seep through me.
The light changes and I zoom ahead. I know where she’s heading.
They’ve really upgraded, they have a second floor and everything. Twice as many employees. I slip in unnoticed. It’s crowded.
Vorona will be here soon, with her Asuki goons.
They walk in, the younger employees practically groveling at her feet. They get a private room upstairs. Time to investigate.
I don’t hear much through the sliding doors, except her boys’ loud nonsense. So I almost am killed by a kunai she launches from her sleeve. I slip away, just as her favored bodyguard runs out to check. It’s Haruna Niekawa.
I walk down the short hall to the bathrooms, when a familiar ringtone reaches my ears.
“Yes hello? This is Namie...”
I cant hear anymore of her conversation over the blood rushing in my ears.
“VORONA! YOU AND I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS!”
I have Namie by the neck.
Asuki boys run from the room, followed by Vorona herself. She freezes when she sees me.
Seeing her causes my temper to boil and explode. I cut Namie’s arm off.
Her Asuki boys run down a few at a time. I cut them all down, blood already covering my clothes. Namie is still screaming and moaning.
“TEAR THE BITCH APART!” Vorona orders her men.
Thirty or forty men in suits come running at me at once. I meet them halfway, cutting three off at the knees.
What follows is a blur of screams and blood splattering; patrons and employees having run away long ago.
Soon enough, only one faces me; Haruna.
“Haruna, I beg you, do not do this, I’d rather not have to kill a child.”
Her insane giggles ring out, “Hehehe, you call that begging?” And she begins swinging her mace.
I lunge, dodging her chains. I go to cut, when she pulls the chain back taut. It hits me in the chest, blood immediately filling my mouth.
Coughing, I jump back as she presses forward, mad grin on her face. “Come on Izaya, is that all you got?”
She hits my chest again, knocking my sword away from me, as we jump table to table.
I swirl around to dodge, but it backfires as she gets her chain tightly wrapped around my throat, choking me.
My vision is dimming, tears brimming. My hand scrambles for something, anything, and it lands on a table leg, with nails jutting out.
I swing my arm up with all my force, striking her in the head, nails embedded. She slumps to the ground at my feet.
I look up at my true target, about to advance, when I hear her main force of goons pulling up.
“You didn’t think it would be that easy did you?”
“Actually, for a second there, I kinda did.”
Twice as many men as before swarm the room, all lunging for me at once. Again, a blur of blood and carnage surrounds me, darkening my vision to nothing but my objective, who turns her back and walks out, as if I’m beneath her.
I go more brutal, cutting limbs, twisting my blade, whirling on my back and severing tendons, i even rip an eyeball out.
I make it upstairs into a dark room cutting everyone down, until one remains.
It’s fucking Mikado.
I strip his blade, and he drops the handle. This kid...
I shove him down, hitting him with the flat of my blade, “this! Is what! You get! For hanging out! With! The yakuza!”
I shove him away, “Now go home to your mother!” Maybe now he’ll quit meddling where he shouldn’t be.
It’s deathly quiet, as I walk out onto the back garden. Vorona sits on a bench.
“That is quite the blade you have, who made it?”
“Hatori Hanzo.” I do not want to talk with her.
“No!” She doesn’t believe me, I flip my weapon to show his insignia. “Well, you must be lucky.”
She stands, and we rush each other.
I’m exhausted, but I cannot fail. I have to-
“AH!” She sliced my back open, bringing me to my knees. She’s taunting me.
“Silly boy likes to play samurai.”
Fury pulls me back up, meeting her blade with more speed than before. I land a deep cut in her leg.
“I-I apologize for mocking you.”
“...Good. Are you ready?”
She nods, and we clash once more, injuries making us sloppy. I find my opening.
“Agh!” I don’t even know if my hit landed, until she speaks.
“Th-that truly... was a Hanzo katana...” The top of her head sliced clean off into her brain. She falls. I’ve won my first battle.
“Alright, Namie. I’ve got a job for you. I will only say this once: Iam letting you live./ I want him to know I survived. I want him to know I am coming. I want him to know that I know he knows I’m coming. I want him ready for me. Think you can handle that?”
Ikebukuro is in an uproar. Izaya Orihara has returned. And he has a list of people he will cut down. Shizuo Heiwajima at the top of this list.