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What's a Size Queen?

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"Well I've had enough food to go for a while, or an hour... at least." Badgerclops stretched his arms over his head, yawning as he looked back at the receding logo of the bar. It had been a quick stop where they could refuel and such before they'd be on their merry way again. Looking down, he stopped and blinked. "Hey when did you get a sash and crown?"

Mao mao stopped as well, looking back at Badgerclops for a moment before pointing at his head. "This?"

"Yes that, a crown."

Removing it, he looked at the gems and glitter that covered most of the original base, whatever color it might have been. "Oh well, the kind kind people at the pub gave this to me as a symbol of my abilities or what not. At least that's what they said."

He tilted his head and walked around Mao mao, taking a closer look at the sash and crown.

"Mao Mao this says 'Best Size Queen'."

"Yes, an honor that mustn't be taken lightly, I heard that only the greatest have the honor of such a title!" Badgerclops' shoulders shook and he looked almost pained, he wondered why.

"...okay and how exactly did this go down bro?"

"Well, it was right after we walked into the pub-" the other nods "-and you went to go get food while I asked around for any noticeable 'legendary' places we could explore next when the barkeeper, who'd seen us walk in, motioned me over and told me

'that feller yee came in here with sure be something else, and yet you be so small!'."


"Shut up! Anyways where was i- oh of course...

'Sir I can assure you that I am not small, in fact I'm very average for my size, my friend is the one who is indeed quite large! So I understand why I'd look small in comparison to him, especially with your first impression of us being from a distance and all.'

'Well I'll be! You ought to contest the best size queen title I reckon.' He pointed to a person with a crown. "Just let that fellow know everything you just told me and heck! They'll probably hand over their crown on the spot!'

'Well um thank you I will definitely do that then.' And then I walked over to the other person and said the same thing to them-"

"God the further this story goes, the more pain I'm in."

"Shhh stop exaggerating!"

"Sorry sorry, go on."

"-they were suddenly stricken with an expression of horror, which I cannot image why that was the case, and they looked over to you and then to me and then to you again- for a few times before immediately dropping down on one knee and presenting me the crown and sash. And that's how I won these."

Badgerclops' hand made a smacking sound across his own face and rolled his eye, motioning to the sash. "Do you even know what a size queen is bro?"s

"Not particularly, but that's just something I can add to my many many roles as a hero, adventurer, and now size queen!" Mao mao bristled as a cold metallic hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close to the other as word were whispered into his ear.

Suddenly the previous guy who had owned the crown made more sense having made such an expression when he'd told them that... 

"Oh mother of god," he looked at Badgerclops and at himself for a couple of moments before shaking his head furiously. "We're not even dating! Let alone- that would probably kill me oh my god!

"Now who's exaggerating?

"I'm serious! I'd be dead I ever attempt that!"

"I'm not even that big!"

"Now now Badgerclops, it is no time to be discussing phallus size. We will have to return these unfortunately, it is not honest of me to have them when I've never so much as... anyways..."

"What ever dude if that's what you want."

Badgerclops turned around and started walking back to the pub.

"Wait I-" he stopped himself with his hand, staring at the ground as his face burned.

"Mao Mao?"

"I had a thought but- n-no it's stupid..."

"Hey man, I'm sure whatever it is, its probably not stupid."

"Well... what if.... I did earn it..."

This drew confusion from the other, his face tilting to the side. "Earn what?"

Mao Mao's hand pulled on the sash, wrinkling the words on it to whom which where still visible. "You know..." his eyes darted downward and back off into the side, it was was quiet for a moment.

Then Badgerclops blinked, and blinked again, smacking the side of his head with a thwap.

"Haha, sorry dude I think I heard you wrong, come again?"

"No- you heard me."



"I um, this feels kinda sudden dude I don't know..."

"It's just that-! It would only seem fair and all, and we wouldn't have to return these but, well you seem to know more about this-" he waves his hand between them, unsure of what he was really motioning at.

He looked at Mao Mao and then at the flashing neon lights of the pub, pursing his lips before scratching the back of his head.

"I mean, if you're cool with it, okay."


"Yeah, okay- yes sure!" He coughed.

Another moment of silence passed before they embraced, hiding their faces away from the other as they took a moment to breathe. 

"Badgerclops...Can I ask you something else?"


"You'll go slow right? I don't want to die because of-

"Oh don't worry dude I'll be careful."

Mao Mao sighed in relief, dropping his head.

"Thank goodness."