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To Be A Family

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“Hey, Geek! Are you down here?!” I call out as I enter the “sub-basement of solitude”. “Yeah, I’m over here!” Geek calls from over by a large computer. “You been busy!” I compliment as I look around, Geek has made a lot of progress turning this moist cave into a lab. “Yeah, I just wrapped up getting central air in here, now it’s warm during the winter and cold during the summer.” Geek says as they turn in their chair. “So, how can I help you, Max?” Geek asks. “It’s about Sam…” I start. Geek frowns. “Is everything OK?” They ask in a worried voice. “At the moment, yes. Everything is fine. And probably will be for a long time.” I reassure. Geek crosses their arms and raises a brow. “...But- and this is going to sound crazy…” I continue.

 Geek rolls their eyes. “Please, Max. At this point I have come to realize that with you two, nothing is impossible.” Geek states. “OK, so a while back during one of our many adventures, Sam and I did some time traveling and met our future selves.” I explain. “Yep, that sounds like something that you guys did.” Geek nods as they give me their undivided attention. “And when we tried to talk to future Sam he was… not all there.” I finish. Geek frowns. “So that means that Sam get’s…” Geek starts. “Old timers, all timers? What was the name again?” I try to think of the name of the disease that might take Sam away from me. “Alzheimers. A form of dementia.” Geek fills in. 

“Yeah, that. So I was wondering… is there anything you can do about it?” I ask. Geek puts there finger to their lips in thought. “Well… I’ll look into it. But I’m no doctor... yet.” Geek offers with a shrug. I hug Geek. “Thank you.” Geek pats me on the back. “No problem. I don’t want you or Sam to go through that either.” They say as they continue to pat me on the back. “Is Sam aware that this has been bothering you?” Geek asks. “No, and he was pretty unfazed by the whole thing, actually.” I answer as I think back to his nonchalant reaction to his future selves condition. Geek puts their hand to their mouth in thought. “So this is going to sound strange but did you guys see any pictures of me while there?” Geek questions.

 I think for a moment. “No?” I answer. All I remember seeing are the photos that already existed of Sam and I. No Geek in sight. “Then I think the future has already been changed.” I tilt my head at them. “What did we do? I know what I saw.” I ask, confused at how I could have changed the future. “You saw and experienced A future, Max. A very real possibility. But you didn’t see and experience THE future. “ Geek explains. “So that means…?” I urge them to explain more. Geek rolls their eyes at me. “The universe is a chaotic place full of rules that don’t fully make sense and can change depending on the situation. Or in short, thanks to seeing the future, you changed it by simply knowing about it.” Geek explains. 

“So, Sam will be fine?” I ask, feeling a lot better. “Maybe, but from what data we do have we can guess that, one, in that timeline you guys probably never adopted me.” I frown at the idea of not having Geek in our lives. They have been our kid for like three weeks now and I definitely would die for them… and also kill for them but I would kill for a lot of things. “Two, you two may never got together romantically.” I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of never telling Sam how I really felt. No tight Sam hugs, no sweet Sam kisses, no cuddling with Sam whenever I want. No I love yous. I shiver at the last one. “And finally, three, they didn’t develop a cure for Alzheimers yet.” Geek finishes as they turn around in their chair. “So what does that mean for the future?” I ask, not really understanding the meaning of the list. “That means that things are different, and we can change the future, or die trying! And I’m not in the mood for being dead!” Geek exclaims as they begin to type away on the large computer. Pride swells in my heart as Geek speaks. What a little spitfire!

 “So I’ll leave you to it?” I ask as I plan on bringing something tasty down here for Geek. “You got it, Dad!” Geek exclaims without realizing what they just said. I hold back a happy sob as I back away and watch my kid go to town on the computer. “So, I’ll bring you lunch?” I say as I turn to head back upstairs. “Make sure it’s viable for human consumption this time!” Geek calls. “Don’t count on it, buckeroo!” I call back as I make my way up the steps. Yeah, maybe I should avoid going to Stinky’s if Geek wants edible food. But before I do that I have to see Sam and tell him what Geek just called me, also to give his stupid face a big ol’ kiss for no particular reason. “Oh! Hey, little buddy! I was just looking for you!” Sam says as he comes down the stairs. I climb up Sam’s tie and give him a huge kiss on the lips. “Max? Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, but what’s got you so…?” Sam asks as I nuzzle into the crook in his neck. “Geek, called me dad.” I half explain. “Ohhh! Gotcha! Did they say it on purpose?” Sam asks. “Nah, they were focused on something else when they said it.” I explain. Sam kisses my cheek. “How does it feel to join the “ Geek has called me dad club”?” Sam asks softly. I smile. “Pretty good.”

Chapter Text

“This sucks! This is stupid!” Geek yells as they walk in through the entrance way. “How was school, Geek?” I ask Geek like an idiot. “It sucked eggs! That’s how it was!” They fumed. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that, Geek.” I try and comfort. “Stupid school was still upset about the science fair fiasco! That was like a month ago! And it’s not like I didn’t do volunteer work to make up for it!” They ranted. “That’s awful. Tell me, what did the school do exactly to make you this upset?” I ask as I begin to pat their back. “ Oh, I’ll tell you, Sam! The school took me out of science class to force me to apologize, again! And they called me by the name that shall not be spoken, then they have the nerve to force me to be in the school play! They won’t even let me skip any grades due to “school policy” !” They finish with a huff. 

“Hey, Sam do we have any- huh? Is Geek alright?” Max asks with concern. “They had a horrible day at school.” I answer. “Who made you upset? I’ll kill them. I can make it look like an accident!” Max comforts in his own special way. “I thank you for your generous offer, Max. I really do, but don’t kill anyone, please. I just needed to rant.” Geek explains. “Are you sure? Because if they made my kid cry then I swear to god, I’m gonna raise hell!” Max continues. I better change the subject before Max brings Armageddon upon the world because Geek had a bad day at school. “So what’s this about you being forced to be in a play?” I attempt to change the topic.

 That seemed to have caught Max’s interest. “Your gonna be in a play?” Asks Max who has seems to have forgotten about the parental rage he was about to unleash upon the world just moments ago. “Yeah, I have to be in the play that the school is putting on or else I might get suspended or worse, expelled.” Geek confirms. I should really head down to the school one day and give them a piece of my mind. Nobody blackmails my kid and gets away with it! “Aw! I can’t wait to see our little Geek on stage!” Max gushes like one of the fire hydrates I ran over this morning. 

“You guys do realize that thanks to this stupid play I won’t be able to do intern stuff for a little while?” Geek asks as they cross their arms. “Yeah, it’s gonna be so worth it!” Max says. Max seems to be in his own little world right now. And I have to admit, it’s kinda infectious. Move over black plague, we got a new widespread infection in town! “We should see if we got a video camera, I know that your phone can take videos, Max. But I want the true blue experience of videotaping the entire performance and skipping through the entire video just to get to Geek’s parts.” I say as I try to remember if we have a video camera or not. “I love the way you think.” Max says in a dreamy tone. Max perks up. “Oh! And we need to get flowers to chuck at Geek.” He says as he grabs a notepad from who knows where and beings to make a list, he must be serious if he pulled a notepad out.

“I think you guys are missing the point here. I have to stay after school to practice for this thing.” Geek says. “Geek, once the play is done and over with I’ll have a word with your school about how blackmailing my kid is a fatal mistake that they will pay for dearly. But for now, Max and I are going to be embarrassingly excited over our precious little Geek’s big show!” I tell them. Geek lets out a sigh of defeat. “Fine, but I demand a restock of soda in the labs fridge for this!” Geek exclaims. “Oh! We should also have a chat with the school about not letting you skip a grade or two.” I add in. Geek gets a smile on their face. “Now you're talking my language!” Geek says, now in a better mood. “Oh right! I was mad about how your school has been treating you badly!” Max remembers with a giggle. Then Max stops giggling and get’s a serious look on his face. “I think your school could use just a bit more fire.” He plots. “Max, no.” I warn. “Max, yes.” He counters expertly. “Please don’t burn the school down… yet.” Geek tries.

After somehow convincing Max to not burn down Geek’s school for making them sad we decided to break for dinner. “I’ll cook!” Max hollers. “No, you will not.” I shoot down, I don’t want the house to burn down and the meal to be inedible. “I agree with Sam. I’ll never forget the day you tried to boil water.” Geek agrees, as they look off into nothing, likely having a traumatic flashback to when Max attempt to boil water, poor kid. “Fine. I guess I’ll just make flirtatious remarks at Sam while he cooks.” Max gives in. “Good boy.” I say as I pat Max’s head. “You know that’s what I’M supposed to call you, right?” Max asks in a flirty tone. “Ahem.” Geek passively reminds us that they are still here and dinner has yet to be made. “So, when am I going to meet your grandma again?” Geek asks. “Sometime this week, if I’m not mistaken, Geek.” I answer. “Did you ever end up contacting other family members about me?” They continue. Oh. “...Oops?” I shrug. Geek sighs. “I’ll do dinner. You tell people that you adopted a child a month ago.” They say as they get up from their seat. “Right. Oh no. Moms gonna be so mad!” I think about how upset she’s gonna be when she finds out I haven’t told her that she’s gonna be a grandmother. I shiver in fear. 

“Sam’s in trouble~!” Max teases. “Yes, yes I am.” I say as I wander out of the room to make several phone calls.

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“I hope to make a good impression.” I explain to Sam. “OK, but you realize that you don’t have polish all your science rewards to do that, right?” Sam gestures to all the awards I’ve been rewarded, polished and shiny, ready for visitors to be impressed. There are… quite a few of them. “Maybe you have a point.” I give. Sam gives me a sympathetic smile. “If it makes you feel any better, when Max first met my Grandma he was covered in mud and asked “why is there an old lady version of you here?”, Granny Ruth was on the ground in tears from “how cute” Max was.” Sam reminisces. “What’s with your side of the family thinking that Max is the cutest thing ever?” I ask. “Um? Have you seen him?” Sam gestures to a napping Max whose ears are flopped against his head. Max makes a little sleepy noise and rolls over in his sleep. “Touché.”

Sam crouches down beside me and pulls me into a half hug. “Hey, don’t worry about it, kiddo! Granny doesn’t bite!” Sam comforts, but then he gets a look on his face. “Well, other then that one guy… but he was asking for it!” I giggle at his response. “Okay, okay. I believe you. Lucky for me I have plenty of experience with animals that can bite.”  Sam get’s a confused look on his face. “I don’t think I count.” He points out. “I was talking about Max.” I say as Max starts yipping in his sleep. “Oh, never mind then!” Sam says as he ruffles my hair. 

“So, what is your granny like anyways, Sam?” I ask to carry on this heartwarming father-child pow wow. “She’s just your classic sweet old grandmother, that can also dead lift over one hundred and seventy five pounds without breaking a sweat.” Sam answers. “Wow.” I say, dumb founded at the fact that Sam’s grandmother never misses leg day, or any day for that matter. “She’s also quite material, she kinda treats the inmates on blood isle as children.” Sam further describes his grandmother. 


Knock knock


“Oh, that must be her!” Sam says as he gets up and heads over to the front door. “Meh? Whaz happen’?” Max asks as he wakes up from his nap. “Sam’s Grandmother is here.” I inform. Max rubs his eyes. “Oh, good. I was getting tired of waiting.” Max mumbles. “So tired that you needed to clonk out?” I ask. “Eh, it’s easier to write a two way conversion then a three way one.” Max explains. What could he ever mean by that?

“Granny! It’s so good to see you!” I hear Sam greet. “Ah! There’s my Sammy boy! Come here!” I hear an old woman say. “So? Where’s my great-grandchild?” I hear her ask. Oh boy, here we go. “Geeks right in the living room.” Sam answers. “Geek?” Grandma Ruth asks. “They prefer it.” Sam explains. 

“How have things been going with you and Max?” Grandma Ruth asks as she enters the living room with Sam. “Good. Max has been adjusting well to being a parent. Just last week he tired to feed Geek like a bird!” Sam tells. I shudder at the memory of the events of last Tuesday, the horror. “Hey! I’ll have you know that I only did that based off research so I show Geek that I could be all sciencey too!” Max defends. “While I appreciate the thought, Max. Please don’t try to regulated food into my mouth, please.” I joke, but not really. “At least I didn’t lick your hair!” Max exclaims. “That was one time and in a moment of parental weakness!” Sam defends. 


Grandma Ruth begins to laugh. “I’m glad to see that you have all become well adjusted to each other.” She cackles. I take a look at Grandma Ruth, the resemblance between her and Sam is kinda ridiculous to be honest. Like other then the clothes they are wearing, hair, and differences in sex, I probably wound’t be able to tell a difference between the two. Grandma Ruth begins to calm down. “Ah. And you must be Geek.” She greets. “How do you do, mam?” I greet in the most awkward and stiff way possible, nice. “No need to be so formal, dear!” She says as she pulls me into a hug. Oof! My bones! Sam wasn’t kidding about the dead lift thing!

“Um? Granny? I think Geek needs to breath?” Sam points out as I begin to asphyxiate. “Oh? Sorry dear! Sometimes I forget my own strength.” Granny apologizes as she lets me go. Sweet oxygen, how I missed thou. “Still alive, Geek?” Max whispers to me. “Maybe, check back in five.” I reply. “Oh! What are all these?” Grandma Ruth asks. I look to what she’s referring to, my many awards. “Those are various rewards I have been given for my contributions to the field of science and other related topics.” I answer. “Well, color me impressed! It seems like you racked up quite the collection!” She praises. Pride blooms in my chest at her words. “She takes after you quite a bit, doesn’t she, Sam?” Grandma Ruth off handily says. Sam gets a look like he just drank rancid milk, like borderline yogurt milk. What could be bothering him? “Um… you see Granny, Geek here is… wait, what is geek?” Oh! Yeah. Thinking about it, Sam and Max always referred to me with neutral identifiers. I mean, that’s not wrong. But also I don’t really know what I identify with, but it doesn’t bother me, I just don’t want people to call me “Darla”. “Feel free to call me anything, just know that Geek is my name.” I explain. 


Sam looks relieved. “Well alrighty, Geek. What do you say you tell me how you and your dads have met?” Grandma Ruth offers. “Sure, it was a average science fair and there were potato batteries and baking soda volcanoes galore…” I begin


Several stories that you most likely already read later…


“...And then I fell asleep. I don’t remember how we got home after that.” I finish. “That’s quite a story!” Grandma Ruth exclaims. “Yeah, you should have seen the black hole! Proud parent moment for sure!” Max exclaims. “We weren't Geek’s parents yet, Max.” Sam reminds. “Maybe not legally. But in my heart!” Max exclaims as he puts both hands on his chest. Grandma Ruth laughs and looks at the time. “Oh my! Is it that late already? Sorry, but I need to head back, can’t leave those rascals at the prison alone for too long!” She says as she gets up. “Aw! Well, it’s been nice to see you again!” Sam says as he also gets up. 

Max and I also get up too and follow them to the front door. “I’ll see you for sure at Christmas!” Grandma Ruth says as she opens the door. Is that a helicopter on the lawn? How did we not hear that coming earlier? Grandma Ruth gets in and begins to take off. “Bye Granny!” Sam yells. “See ya Ruth!” Max hollers. We continue to wave until she far away. “So… that gender thing…” Max starts. I shrug. “I don’t really know what I identify with. But it hardly matters.” I answer. “Why’s that, Geek?” Sam asks. “Because I got two dads that will love and support me, even if I never figure out the answer.” I explain. “Dawh!” Sam and Max say in unison as they group hug me. “Yeah, yeah. Family is the best, yadda yadda.” I joke as I fondly roll my eyes. “I love our kid!” Max exclaims. “You really need new martial, Max. I think I heard that one before.” I tease. “What do you want us to do as far as identifiers go?” Sam asks. “Eh, use a little bit of everything I guess? I don’t know, all I know is that I’m Geek and I’m smarter than gender.” I tell. “What an icon!” Max giggles.  Sam and I join him in the hysterics. Right now, with these two dorks, I feel like the luckiest kid in the world.

Chapter Text

“Look at us, Sam! Just two dads going to their kids school rehearsal!” Max says with parental excitement. “I know! I’m going to say so many nice things about Geeks role that they are gonna be so embarrassed yet flattered at the same time!” I gush. Geek coughs to get our attention. They point to the gym. “You guys go to your seats, I’ll see you after the show.” Geek says as they head backstage to get ready. Tonight’s the night that Geek’s school play is on and Max and I are elated to say the least. “Let’s hurry Sam! I don’t want some lame wine mom stealing my spot!” Max says as he tugs on my tie. “Sure thing! Let’s make sure we sit close enough to that I can record Geeks part!” I exclaimed as I pull out the video camera I bought for said purpose. 


“And we also need to sit close enough so we can chuck these at her!” Max says as he pulls out a bouquet of roses. “Where did you get those?” I ask. “Some chump left them in a graveyard!” Max giggles. “That’s very cost effective of you, Max.” I praise. “Tee hee, you know how to make your husband blush, Sam.” Max giggles while hiding said blush behind the roses. Max and I enter the gymnasium and head towards the front  for the best view and also easiest throwing distance. “Do you know what part Geek got?” Max asks. I shrug. “Not a single gosh darn patty wack give Sam a bone clue, little buddy.” I answer. Geeks been pretty hush hush about this, other then complaining about being forced to be in this, he has given us pretty much next to nothing in details, hell I don’t even know what story they are putting on, much less her role.


“So far all we know, they could be a tree?” Max asks. “Yep, but she’ll be the best goddamn tree this school district has ever seen!” I state. “The way the you said that made me all tingly.” Max replies. The lights begin to dim. “Shh! It’s starting!” I whisper yell as I get the camera ready. The spot lights come on and begin to circle around the curtains. The curtains raise and there's a boy on stage. “Hi, welcome to chilis.” He greets. “What a power move.” Max whispers. “This is a tale of romance, murder and the power of friendship.” He continues. Two kids, a boy and girl, come out on stage, but neither of them are Geek. “Oh, Balthazar! Why must our families fight so?” The girl asks. “Because they are terrible people, your parents named you Esty, for god sake. Mine named me Balthazar. Freakin’ Balthazar! We have these weird names in this holy year of 6969!” Balthazar exclaims. “Oh, right. Frick our parents and their bull crap names!” Esty yells. 


“Let us run off together. Start a beet farm, get a pet bear and watch nothing but Battlestar  Galactica!” Balthazar says to Esty. Esty expression softens. “I’d like that.” She says. “And in this Chilis, I swear to god… I’ll love you and hold you dear~” Balthazar begins to sing. “And in this Chilis I’ll hold you near~” Esty sings. “I feel god in this Chilis.” Max whispers. “What’s with the hyper fixation on Chilis?” I ask. “You’ll see, they’ll all see.” Max whispers to himself. Balthazar and Esty begin to lean in for a kiss mid cord. “STOP RIGHT THERE! HETERO SCUM!” Yells a very familiar voice. Geek jumps onto the stage wearing a visor and cape. “AH! There they are! Hi, Geek! Your so talented!” I yell. Geek does a little wave. “These are for you!” Max screams as he chucks the bouquet of roses onto the stage. 


Geeks snaps their head back to the couple on stage. “How dare you defile this Chilis with your heterosexual singing!” Geek yells. “Oh, yeah? What’cha gonna do about it?” Balthazar challenges. Geek glances down at the bouquet that Max chucked on stage. “I’ll challenge you to a sword duel!” Geeks answers as he picks up the bouquet. “But I warn you, while you where being heterosexual I was studying the blade!” Geeks says as they hold the bouquet like a sword. “This is the best stage performance I’ve ever seen in all my years of life.” I whisper to Max. Max nods in head in agreement as the sword fight begins on stage. 


One school play later…


“...And I learned to stop being heterophobic.” Geek says. “Now, what is the ultimate truth?” Says one of the characters on stage. “Maybe there is no ultimate truth. Maybe the truth is the friends we made along the way.” Esty offers. “My theory is the ultimate truth is maybe one should not be a teacher who's in charge of children if your going to be drunk and unable to give any sort of direction every time we get together to work on a play.” Balthazar says as everyone on stage begins to look at a man off stage who seems to be trying to make himself as small as possible. “Yeah, and maybe at least give said kids a script so they don’t have to make their own show, as fun as it was to scream “hetero scum” at school.” Geek agrees. “Oh, that’s why Geek didn’t tell us anything!” I whisper. I can hear the other parents, they sound confused and upset. “You little shits!” The man that the kids seemed to be referring to has stood up as is walking onto stage threateningly. “Sam, throw me.” Max says with an unusual amount of urgency. 

“What?” I say confused. I look back on stage and that guy as heading towards Geek. “SAM THROW ME!” Max exclaims. I get what he means now. I swiftly pick up Max and chuck him at the jerk wad. “BONSAI!” Max screeches as he makes contact with the man. Now Max is biting, scratching and who knows what else as the man screams for somebody to get him off. I rush out of my seat and head towards the stage. “Are you kids alright?” I ask. None of them seem hurt, maybe a little shaken up, but otherwise fine. “Nice aim as always, Sam.” Geek complements. “Thanks, and also that was a fantastic performance you kids had!” I say as I ruffle her hair. “Thanks. What’s gonna happen to…” Geeks says as they lean towards the cartoon like dust cloud. “Well, first he’s gonna have to deal with Max, then he’s going to lose his job, then he will either go to prison or rehab, maybe both.” I explain. 

“You are surprisingly calm about this? I thought you would be really angry at him for almost attacking me.” Geek points out. “Oh, no. I’m the most furious I’ve ever been. But my love and concern for you outshines that.” I say as I kiss them on their forehead. “Well, I got that asshole tied up, Sam. What should we-” “I’ll take it from here, little buddy.” I interrupt as I take off my hat and coat. “OK. MY BABY!” Max says as he takes Geeks face into his hands. “Are you alright?! Do you need anything?!” Max asks in parental worry. I turn to face the jerk wad that had the nerve to even think about hurting my kid. “Let’s go outside and wait for a ride for you. Outside, where nobody can hear you beg for mercy.” I say in a dark tone.

Chapter Text

“Geek, are you hungry?” Sam asks as him and I slide into the sub-basement of solitude. “You guys really will never take the stairs again, will you?” Geek asks. “What’s the point of building fun and cartoonishly long sides leading down here if we're not gonna use them?” I ask as I crash into a wall. “I have made decisions.” Geek says to themselves in a tone that sounds like regret. “So are you hungry? Max and I were about to get some delicious but very much unhealthy snacks and we are wondering if you’d like to join us.” Sam offers. “Nah, I’m in the middle of-” “Please, Geek? We wanna spend time with you! Plus, when was the last time you saw the sun?” I ask. Geek thinks to himself for a moment. “I’ll have you know that I had breakfast outside like an hour ago.” She says. 

“Geek, it’s one thirty in the afternoon.” Sam points out. Geek looks on their computer. “Huh, yeah. Maybe I should get out of the lab for a second.” They agree as they get up. “Good, it’s about time we had another family outing were Sam and I are going to cry about how much we love you anyway.” I say as I begin to head up the stairs.

 “So where are we heading anyways?” Geeks asks as we exit our building. “Right over here to Bosco’s Inconvenience!” Sam announces as we stop in front of said store. “Bosco?” Geek asks. “You sound as confused as an elderly person at a computer convention, Geek.” Sam points out. “It’s just odd, I kinda thought of a great inventor of the same name. Must be a coincidence.” She says with a head shake as we head into the store. “I’m gonna get some not’chos. You in, Sam?” I ask. “Nah, I’m gonna see if they have any half-melted Ice cream left.” Sam answers as he heads off in search of his beloved ice cream. “I guess I’ll find some stale chips?” Geek says as they head off in a random direction. Ah, classic family outing. Now, onto the not’chos so I can give myself stomach cramps! I leg my way over to where the not’chos- wait, where are the not’chos? I head to the counter to ask Bosco where the hell the not’chos are. “Hey, Bosco slash someone who definitely isn’t Bosco in a wig, where the hell are the not’chos.” I demand

“It’s just Bosco today. And I had to get rid of them, an inspector came by and said that they were no longer allowing me to sell them.” Bosco explains. “That sucks!” I exclaim. “Nah, the smell was getting unbearable anyways.” He waves off. “Yeah. So you still selling stuff for unreasonable prices?” I ask, trying to make conversion. “No, Mama explained that it was a “poor business practice” and got me to lower prices on stuff.” He explained. “How is Ms Bosco anyways?” Sam asks as he comes up behind me. “Pretty good. She’s been going through a “creative slump” as of lately however.” Bosco continues. “That’s too bad. I hope she comes out of it soon!” Sam says. “Found some old cola and Mentos. If you want we can blow them up, Max.” Geeks says returning from his journey to find some chips, which I guess changed to cola and mints. 

“You really know how to make me proud, don’t you?” I ask as I begin to tear up. “Oh, whos…?” Bosco begins to ask. “This is our wonderful adopted kid, Geek.” Sam introduces. “Geek, this is Bosco.” He continues. “Nice to meet you.” Geek greets. “When did you guys get a kid?” Bosco asks. “Like a month ago, it all started with a black hole...” I start. “Did somebody say black hole?” Says a familiar voice. “Oh, hello. Momma Bosco!” Sam greets. “Momma Bosco has just enter the Building!” I chime in. “Nice to see you boys are doing well.” Momma Bosco greets. I hear a gasp and look over to Geek whose eyes are wide enough where it looks like her eyes are gonna pop out of their head! “No way… NO WAY!” They begin to yell. “Geek? What’s-?” Sam starts. “You guys know THE Momma Bosco?!” They yell. 

“Uh…? Yes?” Sam answers. “Why didn’t you tell me?! They are one of my personal idols! Oh gosh! I must look terrible! And I don’t have anything for them to sign! Oh geez!” He says all flustered. “I have never seen you like this before, Geek.” Sam points out. “It’s kind of strange and uncomfortable to be honest.” I add in. “Oh, who's this?” Momma Bosco asks. “Our kid.” I tell. “You two adopted a kid?” She asks. “Yep. Geek here-” Momma Bosco holds up her hand. “Hold up. Did you just call them, Geek?” She asks. “That’s what they prefer to be called-” “No, I mean you adopted THE Geek? Child prodigy that single handedly cured athletes foot and invented the world's first working artificial noise?” She asks with an excited tone. “You heard of me?” Geek asks in bewilderment. “Of course! My! It’s a real honor to meet you.” She says as she reaches her hand out. “No, the honor is all mine! I-it’s so cool to finally meet you!” Geek says as she reaches his hand out to shake Momma Bosco’s. 

I pull out my phone and take a picture of the two. “I got another one for your wallet, Sam.” I joke. “Good, I need more. People just aren't seeming to get that Geek is the greatest thing since soft served. I must perform my fatherly duties admirably, little buddy.” Sam replies. Sam really needs to chill with the showing off photo’s of Geek he has in his wallet shtick. But hey, at least it’s the cutest thing ever when it does happen. He gets all happy, hoppy and blushy, so kissable. “Actually, I was wondering if I could get your feedback on something?” Geek ask Momma Bosco. “Oh? What would you like to hear?” She asks. “You see, I’ve been trying to work out a cure for Alzheimers and other forms of dementia. I have been making progress but there are somethings…”  Geek explains to Momma Bosco. 

Oh, right. I asked geek about that awhile back. So they are still working on it huh? I look over to Sam who seems surprised at the news. “I didn’t know that Geek was working on something like that.” Sam says. “Yeah, our little Geeks doing big things, Sam.” I say. “Sounds like you knew?” Sam points out. I pause for a second. “Promise you won't get mad?” I ask. “Like I could ever stay mad at you for very long either way.” Sam points out. “I may of asked Geek if they could look into it.” I confess. Sam gives me a confused look. “Why?” He asks. “Do you remember the time  when we all that stuff in the time elevator thing?” I ask. “Yeah, I remember Momma Bosco wanting to jump your bones and trying to hold back both laughter and jealous rage.” He says. Oh, yeah. That also happened. “Yeah, well. Do you remember meeting our future selves?” I ask.

“Yeah?” Sam answers. “You remember how he was… not really there?” I ask. “Oh, Max. I didn’t realize that bothered you!” Sam exclaimed as he picks me up. I don’t say anything else. I just cuddle my head into Sam’s neck. “Hey… I didn’t see any pictures of Geek when we went?” Sam points out. “Futures been changed thanks to the power of Gay.” I answer. “Why do I feel like that’s only half true?” Sam asks as he kisses my forehead. “...And thanks to you I don’t have to deal with my son’s feet smelling like that ever again.” Momma Bosco finishes. “You wanna get out of here Geek?” Sam asks. “O-oh! Sure, so we'll be in touch?” Geek asks as Momma Bosco nods. 

After paying for the “food” we head behind the office to unwind. “I still can’t believe that I met THE Momma Bosco!” Geek exclaims as they ready the cola. “You were acting like a total dork!” I tease as I bring the Mentos near the open colas. “How could I not?!” Geek asks as they head next to Sam who is garbed in full yellow rain gear. He holds his matching umbrella in a way so Geek can get under it too. Why does Sam always have to have so many cute outfits. Then again… Sam cute when naked too. “You better hurry over when you drop those in, Max!” Sam calls. “Nah, I’m gonna have a nice surgery shower!” I say as I dump all the mints in at once. “You will be taking a normal shower after, FYI!” He replies. “Only if you join me!” I call. “That’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make.” He agrees. 

The soda explodes up in a beautiful display of something sciency that I’ll have Geek explain later. I begin to laugh like a madman as I run through it. Trilling and dancing as my family watches on, a simple memory that’s sure to last us till the day we all die, and then even after because this universe has an established afterlife. Which is hell. Hell yes.

Chapter Text

“Do you have everything?” Sam asks as Max as we all walk into the airport. “For the ninth time, yes! I have everything I need!” Max exclaims. “OK… do you have enough clothes?” Sam continues. Max looks down at himself. “Um… I don’t know how to tell you this but… I’m a nudist?” He says as he gestures to his body. “Right, right. Well… I guess you should catch your flight…” Sam says sadly. Max pulls on Sam’s tie and brings him down into a kiss. “It’s only for one week, Sam!” He reminds him. “I know, but I’ll miss you…” He says sadly. Max turns to me. “Look after Sam for me, Geek?” He asks. “Sure. No problem.” I agree. “Thanks. Well I’m off to see my family overseas for their “Burning Lagomorph” party.” Max says as he walks off, waving as he goes. “I LOVE YOU!” Sam yells. “I LOVE YOU MORE!” Max yells back. “YOU’RE WRONG THERE, LITTLE BUDDY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT VALENTINE'S DAY IS THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS A YEAR FOR ME!” Sam retorts loudly. “Um, Sam? I think you can stop-” “I LOVE YOU TIMES INFINITY!” Max interrupts. “I LOVE YOU TIMES INFINITY AND ONE!” Sam screams. I got a feeling we’re gonna watch Max board his flight at this point. 

One yelling match later…

“Are you alright?” I ask Sam as we drive away from the airport. “Yes.” Sam answers in a monotone voice. That can’t be good. Sam doesn’t usually give one word answers. “Do you wanna get some ice cream?” I ask, hoping ice cream will get him out of this funk. “No.” He replies. NO?! He must be really upset if he doesn’t want any ice cream. Come on Geek! Think of something to make him feel better. “Do…?” I start. I look at Sam’s face. He has a completely blank expression. Maybe I should wait until we get home, maybe he will feel better once he can relax? Maybe? 


“So, here we are…” I start, hoping Sam will finish my sentence with something long winded. But he doesn’t say anything. He just silently opens the car door and walks towards the house. I get out and follow him. I’ve never seen Sam so down before. “Sam, I know that you are not alright.” I say as Sam unlocks the front door. “I’m just tired.” He waves off. Well, maybe he will feel better after a nap? Sam wanders up stairs to his bedroom. Maybe I could make him lunch? Would that make him feel better? I head up the stairs to ask if Sam is hungry. “Sam are you-?” I start. But when I approach his bedroom I hear… crying? I peak into Sam and Max’s room, I see Sam on their bed crying in a ball. Poor Sam. He must already miss Max. What can I do to help him? It’s not like I can bring Max to him… wait! What if I…? That’s a great idea! To my room!

I swifty make my way over to my room and begin to get to work. Sam needs me, or should I say, he needs what I’m about to make him!

An hour or so later…

It’s compete! Now, I’m not much of a sewer but I have to admit that this turned out pretty good! A Max doll with ten plus lines of dialogue is sure to make Sam feel better! Now to give Sam his gift. I pick up the doll and head back to Sam and Max’s room. I knock. “Sam? I have something to show you.” I say as I open the door. It seems like Sam hasn't moved since I last checked on him. I climb onto the bed. “Sam?” I call out. “Hmm?” Sam responds as he rolls over to face me. Sam’s eyes are all puffy from crying and you can see were his tears were because his fur is all messed up from them rolling down his face. “I made you something.” I say as I pull out the Max doll from behind me. “I hope it makes you feel better…” I say as I hand it to him. Sam takes the Max doll and squeezes it. “Remeber to always punch a Nazi everyday!” The doll exclaims. It kinda convenient that Max volunteered to give me test audio for when I need to test my inventions that require use of audio. Sam giggles at the doll. “Thanks Geek. This makes me feel better.” Max- I mean, Sam thanks. 

“No problem. Max asked me to take care of you anyways!” I wave off. “Are you hungry? I’ll make you some dinner, Geek.” Sam offers as he gets up. “Sure, pancakes please.” I request. I notice that Sam’s taking the doll with him. “Um…? Sam? Are you going to cook while holding the doll?” I ask. “Yep. For some inexplicable reason I feel a lot safer and happy with it.” He explains as he heads down stairs. 

One pancake dinner later…

“Wanna watch a movie?” Sam asks. “Sure, what are we watching?” I ask. “Frankenstein's accountant.” He answers. I head into the living room and get seated on the couch and Sam comes in with a bowl of pop-corn, and the Max doll of course. “Death from above!” The Max doll exclaims. “I bet Max would love this. Though he would say that it needs to explode afterwards.” Sam points out. That’s a great idea actually. I’ll have to make one in the sub basement of solitude later. Sam pops in the movie and takes his spot on the couch. And snuggles up to the Max doll. It’s nice to see him back to normal. Well… at least as normal as it gets in this house, anyways.

Chapter Text

“And if you turn to page three forty four, you’ll see the difference between-.” Missus Crachowse says before being interrupted by an announcement over the PA speak. “Darla Gugenheek, please come to the office, Darla Gugenheek to the office, please.” The announcer calls. I sigh at the use of THAT name. Again? How many times are they gonna pull me out of science class to apologize for the gym? I already repaired it for them! “Um…” I mumble out as I raise my hand. “Yeah, see what they want, Geek.” Missus Crachowse sighs out. All my teachers are fed up with me getting pulled out as I am at this point. I take my leave and exit the classroom. “What are they gonna do this time?” I grumble to myself as I perform the walk of shame to the office. I pass by a bulletin board. I stop in front of it and check out anything interesting. Well, there isn’t anything of interest on here, I’m just don’t feel like going to the office that quickly. Besides, they didn’t say anything about going “immediately” so I’m probably fine to procrastinate a little bit. 

After checking out the bulletin board for a solid minute I continue my trudge to the office. I wonder if there’s a way to erase principles memories? Is that legal? Then again, is it legal to blackmail a child? As I try to think of a way to get out of my current situation I pass by a window. “Hm, nice day out there.” I say out loud as I take in the view. Huh, there’s a cop car here. Heh, it kinda looks like the De Soto. Heck, it’s even parked just… like… the… De… uh oh. I begin to walk briskly to the office. Please tell me I was just seeing things! Please tell me I just imagined it! I reach the office and open the door. “Um? Hello?” I announce my presence. “Ah. You made it.” The secretary notices. I can hear muffled yelling in the principal's office. “So, should I go in or…?” I ask. The secretary looks at the door and cringes. “Maybe you’d want to wait a minute. I been here the whole time and trust me, it’s not pretty.” The secretary recollects.

“I doubt it’s going to get better. And besides, I got to make sure that they don’t murder the guy in my honor.” I say as I take a deep breath and go through the door. What I see is a very ticked off Sam yelling something at the principal, Max who seems to be enjoying Sam’s outburst and the principle who is stuck in a yelling match between himself and Sam. “AHEM!” I fake cough to announce my presence. Everyone in office stops what they were doing and turns to face me. “You called?” I rhetorically ask as I enter the war zone- aka, the principal's office.  “Ah, yes. Please take a seat, Darla.” The principle gestures to an empty seat. “Please, call me Geek.” I say as I take a seat. “So your… guardians?” The principle starts. “Parents.” I correct. The principle grumbles. “Parents, have been called in today to discuss your education and behavior.”Oh, he called them? I kinda expected them to call the school to set up a meeting, or just barge in a demand one which is honestly more in character for Sam and Max. “Oh? Well, on my last report card it said that I’m exceeding expectations in most areas, with the exception of physical education, which is a solid C.” I point out.  

“Your grades are not the main concern of this meeting, Darla.” The principle says as he leans forward onto his desk. “Geek.” I correct. The principle rolls his eyes. Rude. “This meeting is about your behavior in the last month and a half.” He reveals. “Is this because of the black hole thing? Look, I’m sorry about destroying the science fair. But I already did all the repairs to the gym for you, free of charge, so can’t you let it go?” I ask. “That’s not the point! And the science fair isn’t the only thing that you ruined!” He screams. “You also ruined the play that was to be put on!” He exclaims as he slams a hand on his desk, accidentally bumping the PA announcer, and  points an accusing finger at me. “How did I ruin it?” I ask, keeping my voice steady. He hasn’t been this mad before. “You hijacked the show! And not to mention you got Mister Vahddka fired by the school board.” He blames. “Now just hold a second like a indecisive nitwit holding up a line at an ice cream truck on a blistering hot Sunday afternoon! Geek was almost attacked by this Vahddka character! Are you saying that you’d rather have one of your students attacked rather then getting rid of someone who clearly isn’t fit to teach?!” Sam growls. “IF IT’S DARLA THEN YES!” The principle screams as he bangs his fist on his desk. There is an awkward pause, suddenly I feel way less safe in this place. “ You wanna repeat that bub?” Sam asks in a tone that I've never heard before. “Oh shit.” Max says in a hushed, worried voice. 

“You…” I start. I feel so completely… shocked? Appalled? I just kinda thought he was… rude. Not this. I look at Max. “Hey, come here. Don’t cry, Geek.” He says in the gentlest voice I have ever heard him speak in. Wait? Cry? I’m not…? I feel my face, oh, those are tears alright. “Take Geek out of the room, Max.” Sam orders. “You got it.” Max agrees as he takes my hands and leads me out of the room. Once the door closes Max pulls me into a hug. “Are you going to be okay?” He asks. I take a shaky breath. “Y-yeah. It’s j-just that what h-he said was… bad.” I struggle out. “Um… I don’t mean to alarm you two but….” I turn around and see Missus Crachowse. “What are you-?” I begin to ask. “It seems as though the PA was accidentally turned on part way into the conversation.” Missus Crachowse says as she opens the office door. “I’m going to make you wish you never born.” I hear Sam’s voice over the PA. Missus Crachowse closes the door as the principle screams in fear. “I hope Sam remembers to save some for me.” Max says as he looks at the principal's door. I’m still kind of shaken up. “I feel stupid.” I mumble. Max whips his head and looks at me in horror. “What? Why?! You did nothing wrong, Geek!” Max says as he hugs me again, this time a bit tighter. “I don’t know, I feel like there is something that I could have done to prevent this?” I say with a exhausted shrug. “You did nothing wrong! Oh I swear to god I’m going to skin him alive for this! Nobody hurts my baby and gets away with it!” Max exclaims angrily. 

I take a seat on the bench outside the principal's office. “What a mess.” I sigh. Max joins me on the bench. He looks like he wants to say or do something. “I… don’t know what to do.” Max confesses. “That’s OK. Can I lean on you?” I ask. “Sure, kiddo.” Max nods. I lean on Max. “If it makes you feel any better…” Miss Crachowse starts, reminding us that she’s still here. “I’m pretty sure that he’s going to lose his job, the superintendent is here with a surprise guest.” She says as she points to the door where a man and somebody else are standing right outside. “Who’s the surprise guest?” I ask, hoping it’ll take my mind off my current situation. “An inventor named going by Momma Bosco.” Miss Crachowse answers. Great. Why am I always a mess when one of my personal idols are near? “Is this how you treat all of your students?” Momma Bosco asks as she walks in through the door. “N-no, I- um?” The superintendent stammers. “Very embarrassing.” Momma Bosco says as she walks through the room as if she owns the place. “Oh, hello Geek. It’s nice to see you again.” She greets. “Yeah…” I start. Sam then wonders out of the office. “Your turn, little buddy.” Sam says as he gestures at the door. “My pleasure.” Max says as he cracks his knuckles. 

“I heard some of what that nasty man said over the PA. Kinda brings me back to when I was your age, Geek.” Momma Bosco says with a voice of slight nostalgia. “Really?” I ask. “Oh yes! I too have made some miscalculations and while I didn’t suck away a science fair, I did burn down one or two science labs in my day.” She laughs. I feel a bit better at her words. “You did something that I only wished I could have done in my time, however.” Momma Bosco continues. “What?” I press. “Getting a bad teacher fired. I only wish I could see the show that ended it all…” She says wistfully. “Actually, I recorded the entire incident on video.” Sam reveals. “I should come over and watch it sometime then.” Momma Bosco mentions offhandedly. “We could make it a party! We can invite Sybil, Bosco, Flint, Superball. Heck, I’ll see if Granny’s schedule has time!” Sam lists off. “Ugh! Sam, please, I beg of you, don’t invite everyone over just to watch my school play!” I beg. “Fine, I won’t invite everyone I know over just to watch your school play.” He relents. I sigh out a relieved breath. “I’ll invite everyone over for a barbecue and if we just so happen to watch your school play then so be it.” He says with a shrug of his shoulders. 

I let out the most defeated sigh a child has ever let out in the history of mankind. “I’m supposed to do an assembly at this school, wanna join me?” Momma Bosco offers. “It would be an honor.” I agree. But wait! What about-? “Have fun, Geek! Max n’ I will be there after we finished having our “chat” with your soon to be ex-principal.” He says with a wave. “Alright, see you later then.” As I turn to leave I remember I have something to say. “Don’t kill him.” I order. “I can’t promise that with Max around.” Sam points out. “True. Well, bye. I love you.” I say as I follow Momma Bosco out the door and to the gym. I could have sworn I heard a weird noise as we left the room. Almost like a sob.  Eh, might just be my imagination.

Chapter Text

“What’s this thing?” Max asks as he pulls said thing off the self to examine it. “A volatile mix that needs to be handled with the utmost caution.” I say casually as I work on fixing Max’s broken alarm clock, it got smashed up, somehow. “Ohhh. Pretty…” I hear Max coo. “Huh? What’s this?” I hear Sam ask. I turn to see what he’s referring to. “Oh that? That’s a prototype flying scooter I’ve been working on. I haven’t got all the bugs kinked out yet.” I answer as reinforce the structure of the alarm clock, I’m pretty sure it’s in vain however; Max can and will find a way to pulverize it again. Maybe an auto-repair function might be the way to go? It would save me some time from having to repair Max’s alarm clock every time he smashes it, which is becoming a daily occurrence. But I left the tools I need for that kind of job up in the office, I needed them to repair the phone after one of the scuffles to answer the phone ended up with the phone getting wrecked. 

“I’m going to head upstairs for a minute.” I announce as I stand up. “Sure, sure. Go ahead. Max and I will await your return like a sailors wife waiting for her dead husband.” Sam says with as wave. “Ok, but just don’t touch anything!” I warn as I head up the stairs. Those two are going to touch something. I can just feel it. I run up the stairs, well, run might be a strong word, more like power climbed. I really need a better way to get up to the office. I already have several ways down, after all. 

After climbing all the way up to the office and taking several minutes to find the tools that I left up here, I pounder which way I should take down to the lab. “The poles are quicker, but the slide is a lot more fun.” I debate with myself. “Hey, Max. What way should I-?” I begin to ask. Oh wait. They’re not here, they are in the lab. In the lab without my supervision. “The pole it is then.” I say as I take my tools and jump on. As I rush down the pole I think of all the ways that those two might have messed up the lab, destroyed the lab, set fire to the lab, and worse of all, hurt themselves. I land in the lab. “Guys, I’m back. Is everything alright?” I call out. But I receive no answer. I look around the lab, nothing seems out of place. Well, expect for the spot were there seems to have been a minor explosion and the crashed prototype scooter. “Sam? Max?” I try again. Maybe they left on a mission? Or went to grab a bite at…? What’s that place called again? Smelly’s? No, Stinky's I think. I feel myself calm down at the idea that they just went to get something to eat. But they would have asked you if you wanted to come along. My mind supplies, not at all comforting. 

I look around again. I notice that one of the machines I’ve been working on has been destroyed. This one was an attempt at reversing the damage Alztimers does to the brain, I even got Momma Bosco's input and help on it. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work properly, given all our sample runs ended up with the brains shrinking, thus rendering this machine a failure, but it’s just one failure towards success. Wait! What if this thing fell on them? “Sam?! Max?! Are you guys here?!” I yell, worried for their safety. 

“Um…?” I hear a small voice. “Hello?” I call out. I see a small dog kid peak his head out from behind the ruble. “W-who are you?” He asks in a shy voice. Who’s this kid? And why do I have the urge to raise him? I’m just a kid myself! “I’m Geek.” I greet politely. “And you are?” I ask. “My name’s Sam.” He answers, still hiding behind the ruble. What did this kid just call himself?! “You’re name’s Sam?” I ask, hoping I heard him wrong. “Sam” steps out from his hiding place and nods. I can’t deny it, he looks a lot like Sam. Heck, his shirt even has a picture of Max on it! Wait, Max. Where’s Max?! “Is there anyone else here with you?” I ask, already knowing the answer, sort of. Sam seems to light up at the question. “Yeah! Max is here too! He’s my best little pal in the whole wide world! He’s better than ice cream on a blistering Saturday morning!” Sam lights up. Sam looks around, and looks crestfallen when he doesn’t see Max right away. “W-where is he?” He begins to stammer. “Hey, don’t worry we’ll find him!” I comfort. 

“B-but I don’t know w-where we a-are and what i-if I lose h-him forever?” Sam asks as he begins to cry. “You guys are in my lab, so I know all the best hiding spots, we’ll find him, Sam.” I say as he give him my hand. “Okay…” He agrees as we begin our search for Max. 

The search doesn’t take long because we find Max playing with the remains of the machine, well, playing might be a weird way of putting it. More like building a miniature city and then having your own miniature rampage through it. Max barely looks any different from his adult self. His ears are just a bit shorter and he’s just a tad more round. I think he might also be a little bit shorter over all. “Max!” Sam yells as he runs towards Max. Max turns around and gets a huge grin on his face. “Sam!” Max yells back. They sprint towards each other like the other the only thing they have ever wanted. Max then tackles Sam to the ground. “Where were you? I was getting so bored without you!” Max exclaimed as he gets off Sam. “I was wondering the same thing, little buddy!” Sam says as he tries to hug Max. Max stops him and points a finger at me. “And who’s this nerd?” He asks in a tone that almost sounds jealous. 

“This is Geek. They helped me find you!” Sam explains to Max. Max glares at me and gives me a look down. “Yeah, they sure look like a Geek.” He sneers. Huh, kid Max does not like me.Which is the complete opposite of adult Max. “Nice to meet you.” I greet. Max says nothing as he pulls Sam towards himself, and quite possessively at that might I add. Is Max… worried that I’m going to steal Sam away from him? “Geek’s really cool, Max! This whole cool cave thing is their lab! Just like Chiroptera-Guy!” Sam exclaims. Max glares harder at me. Yep, he’s jealous. “So how did we get here anyways?” Max asks me aggressively. What should I tell them? They both clearly don’t know who I am, or that they are supposed to be adults. So should I explain that they are in fact my fathers and risk them freaking out or not believing me? “Well, somebody messed with my stuff when I warned them countless times not to and well… here we are.” I answer. It’s not a lie technically. “So did it why did it teleport Sam and I here then?” Max challenges. Crap, he’s good. “Umm…?” I try to think of some sort of excuse but I can think of any. “It didn’t exactly teleport you guys…per se.” I start.

“Then what DID it do then?” Max asks, clearly losing his patience with me. “What year do you guys think it is?” I ask. “That’s easy it’s… nineteen something?” Max half answers. “Yeah, I think it’s also nineteen something too!” Sam all answers. “Well, it’s actually twenty… something.” I answer. I really should know the exact year, shouldn’t I? “So your telling us that we are in the future?” Sam asks. “Basically.” I answer. “Come on, Sam! Let’s go play futuristic video games at a future arcade!” Max calls as he sprints to the exit. If Sam and Max run off I might lose them both forever! “Wait!” I call. “For what?” Max asks as he reaches the exit. “Arcades are a dying business and as far as I know there are none in walking distance around here. If you want to play video games, I have some here!” I offer. “Really? Aw man! I can’t believe that arcades are dying out!” Sam exclaims, disappointed. I reach into my desk and pull out my Switcheroo and hand it to Sam. “This is both a portable device and it plays on the TV.” I explain hoping it makes him feel better. 

“WHOA!” Sam exclaims in amazement. I hear Max scoff from across the room. “Whatever… Geeks dumb.” I hear him grumble. How can I convince this gay baby that I’m not trying to steal Sam, who is my dad, away from him, who is my other dad. Oh, I got it! “Yeah, my DADS got it for me.” I say in reference to the gaming device. I side eye Max who seems to have caught what I just said. “Did just say dads as in plural?” Sam asks. Oh, and I guess Sam noticed too. “Yep, my dads are married and adopted me awhile back-” “I CAN MARRY SAM IN THE FUTURE?!” Max screams in excitement. “You already did?” I say thoughtlessly. Oops. Didn’t mean to reveal that. “How do you know that?” Max asks. I look at Sam to see if he’s just as curious. Sam is now red as a tomato. “Geek. How. Did. You. Know. That?” Max demands. I guess the jigs up. “Promise you guys won’t freak out?” I ask. “I won’t, but I think Sam’s already halfway there.” Max says as he gestures to Sam who seems to be having some sort of emotional breakdown. 

“So, I kinda didn’t tell you guys how you’re here. I think the machine that you guys accidentally decimated de-aged back to your childhood forms. Which also explains why all tests of the machine shrunk brains rather than fixing them.” I explain. “So we are supposed to be grown ups?” Max asks. “Yep, and my dads. So you can stop worrying about me trying to steal Sam away from you.” I tease. Max looks like he's going to deny my statement, but before he can Sam stands back up. “Oh, done being weird, Sam? Good now you can-” Sam interrupts Max by kissing him. Max seems dazed when Sam ends the kiss. Sam has a completely blank expression on his face. “Sam? Are you OK?” I ask. Sam then goes red. “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH!” He exclaims as he hides his face behind his hands. What is my life?


One freak out later…


“So are you guys feeling better?” I ask after I give Sam and max time to calm down. “Yeah. So we are supposed to be grown ups?” Sam asks. “Yep, and my dads.” I conform. “So we’re the boss of you?” Max asks with clear excitement in his voice. “No at the moment.” I shoot down. “Can you turn us back?” Sam asks. “Sam! I don’t wanna be a stinky grown up!” Max whines. “You and Sam sleep in the same bed as adults.” I tell. “OK, let’s do this.” Max agrees. That was fast. “Sure. All I have to do is repair the machine and change it so it ages you guys up.” I shrug. “That sounds more difficult then attempting to have Max sit still for more than five minutes.” Sam points out. “Then I better get to work.” I say as I get up. “Can we help?” Sam asks. “I don’t wanna help!” Max whines. “Sure, hand me that number three wrench, please.”


Several hours later…


“And… it’s done!” I say as I tighten the last bolt on the machine. “So… is this goodbye?” Sam asks. “Not really. We are family after all.” I point out. “Let’s be grown ups, I’m getting sick of this cave.” Max says as he wanders over to the machine. “Actually, let’s take a picture.” I say as I crab a camera. “No everyday a kid gets to experience meeting their parents child selves.” Max rolls his eyes. “Fine, just make it quick.” Max says as Sam brings him over for the picture. “Okay, say cheese!” I say as I turn to the camera to face all of us. And with a flash, the picture is taken. “You know, I think I am reconsidering this adult thing.” Max says. “Nope.” I deny as I push both him and Sam into the machine and quickly press the button. 

The machine vibrates and jumps around as it does it’s work. The machine dings and the door opens with steam coming out. There is no movement for a moment. Did it work? Did I just delete Sam and Max?! “Ugh…” I hear Max groan. Never mind. “Guys! Are you guys alright?!” I call into the machine. Out wanders Sam and Max, fully adult. Well. In body anyways. “So…?” I start. “What is it Geek?” Asks Sam. “What have we learned?” I ask as I cross my arms. “Don’t touch anything in the lab unless your here.” Sam and Max both say in monotone. “So what happened anyways? I’m kinda fuzzy on what happened.” Sam asks. “You guys got turned into kids.” I answer. “So you had to deal with kid max? How did you do it?” Sam asks. “Hey! I’ll have you know that I'm a pleasure to be around!” Max says as he gets defensive. “He was easily made jealous.” I recall.  

“I hope kid me wasn’t a bother.” Sam says. “Nah, he was kinda awestruck by me.” I shrug. “So no different from adult Sam?” Max asks in a teasing voice. “Quiet, bonehead.” I pull out the camera I used. “I took a group photo of us.” I say as I hand the camera to Sam. “Dawh. Look at little Max being all grumpy.” Sam coos. Max climbs onto Sam’s shoulder to get a look. “Look at widdle Sam being all shy and cute.” Max baby talks. “And look at your kid, wanting to get home and get some shut eye.” I speak up. “Wow! Is it that late already?” Sam asks as he looks to a clock on the wall. “Yeah, time really files when you get de-aged and then aged back up.” Max chimes in. Sam scoops me up in his arms. “Back home we go!” He announces as we start to leave the lab. “Don’t forget your alarm clock, Max.” I remind. “Eh. I got Sam who can do that for me.” Max waves off. I want to ask why he has me repair his alarm clock then. Or why does he have one in the first place. But I'm tired and want nothing more then for Sam to tuck me in, despite the fact that I am old enough to do myself. Not that I mind in the slightest.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Geek.” I greet as I place myself on Geeks table. Geek slides their headphones off and gives me an exasperated look. “What did you break this time?” She asks. “I haven’t broken anything… yet. But that’s not why I’m here.” I clarify. “The cure for Alzheimers is coming along smoothly. Momma Bosco and I are so close that if we stopped here and released our research to the public you could expect that a cure will come within the next decade or so.” Geek updates. “That's not what I'm here for, but thank you.” Geek seems to be trying to think of any other reasons for why I came down here. “Sam’s been talkin’ about putting up some ads so we can get more missions. I have an idea but I want it to be a surprise.” I tell. Geek leans back in their chair. “What did you have in mind?” He asks. “I was thinking you build a robotic version of me that goes around and beats up random scum and announces the commissioners phone number and flies off, or maybe it explodes? Whichever one is cooler. Maybe both at the same time?” I explain. Geek hums. “Whiles it’s not a BAD idea, per se. I think the robots exploding and beating people up can go wrong really quickly.” Geek explains. 


I frown. Man, I wanted to see that happen! “How about this? I build a big rotating sign in your image and have a phone number that people can call under it? We can even put it on the roof.” Geek offers. That doesn’t sound half bad! I bet Sam will think the signs the cutest thing. Because he thinks I’m the cutest thing. “Let’s do it!” I exclaim.  But Sam will hear the noise coming from the roof if we do this. “Do you think we can pull this off without Sam hearing us?” I ask. Geek smirks. “It’ll be like taking ice cream from a puppy.” Geek says as they rise from the chair they were sitting in. “One time someone tried to take ice cream from Sam when we were kids. He cried and the kid laughed at him. So I did the reasonable thing and set that kids house on fire.” I say as I think about that day. “What’s with people wanting to pick on Sam when you guys were kids? When I met the kid version of him all I wanted to do is to protect him at all costs.” Geek asks. I shrug. “You get that from me probably.”




“Now that we have everything that we will need on the roof… I just need you to one thing for me, Max.” Geek says as they open up a tool box. “What’s that?” I ask. “I need you to distract Sam to the best of your abilities.” Geek says as he pulls out some tools. “Distracting Sam is my specialty! You know how many times I nearly had him crash the car because he couldn't look away from me? Like, at least twelve.” I proudly proclaim. “Sure, sure. Just get going. And make sure he doesn’t come up here or go outside and look at the roof.” They warn. 

“Yeah, yeah. Just work fast.” I wave off as I head down stairs. Now what can I do to distract Sam for the amount of time needed? Ice cream could work, but knowing Sam, he would probably eat it in no time flat. Maybe I could be lucky and the commissioner could call, but that’s relying on him actually having a case. Sloppy make out? Yeah. Sloppy make out could work, but let’s save that for a last resort or after party situation. I reach up to the knob and open the door to the office. “There you are, little buddy. Where did you go?” Sam asks as he plays with a paddle ball racket. “Just checked on Geek to make sure our kid remembered to eat.” I lie. “That’s good. Geek forgets to eat when they’re working  just like you forget to shower by yourself.” Sam points out. “Bathing is no fun without you, Sam.” I flirt. “While I agree with the sentiment that any form of bathroom related activity is more enjoyable with you present, Max. I have to admit that it’s difficult to wash when you are trying to leave hickeys all over my body.” Sam states. “The noises you make when I’m leaving ‘em sure sounds like you're not complaining, Sam.” I point out as I approach Sam’s desk. My phone goes off and I check it as I leaned against my better half's desk. Im going to have to make some noises in lyk 30 secs so find a way to make noise to cover it up! Reads the message from Geek. “Hey, Sam. Can you play your banjo real quick?” I ask. Sam looks incredibly excited at my request. “Really?! But I thought you HATED my banjo and folk songs.” He points out. I shrug. “I wanna hear how high your voice can get. I saw someone break glass with their voice and I wanna see if you can do the same.” I say as an excuse. I hope Sam can actually do that, because that gives me like, thirty date ideas. 

“Well if you want me to put on a show, then I will!” Sam exclaims as he pulls out his banjo with the brightest smile on his face. “You could also strip to give it some extra flair!” I chime in. “Maybe later.” Sam says before starting. Now, it’s not like Sam’s bad at singing. He’s actually really good at it. He could probably make me melt with his voice. I just can't stand country for the life of me. Something about it just grates on my nerves. As Sam sings I try to hold my cool as he sings higher and higher notes, which makes the already annoying country babble more unbearable. I would love to hear Sam sing something filthy and low right into my ear. But these are sacrifices one must make in love or some jazz like that. And as Sam reaches the last note he actually manages to make a stray glass cup explode, which is totally worth the pain to be honest. “What do you know! I do have perfect pitch!” Sam exclaims. “Yep, and it only cost the hearing in my right ear.” I say as I stick my finger inside said ear and wiggle around. I hear (barley, thanks to Sam’s singing) my phone go off again. 

I need lyk 5 more mins! Final stretch! Geek message reads. “I hope Geek’s doing Ok. I’m gonna go-” “Let’s make out.” I interrupt. “Maybe later, Max. I’m going to go check on Geek.” Sam says as he gets up. “NO! I need you right now!” I scream as I run and jump on his desk. I grab Sam’s coat and launch my mouth at his. “Max… no, not here. Someone could walk in!” Sam reasonably points out. “That’s part of the fun.” I say as I begin to kiss his neck. “Max, please.” Sam asks. I stop. “Fine, you’re right. You’re always…” I start. Time to pull out the big guns. Sam get’s a worried look in his eyes, he knows I know his one weakness. “... such a good boy. ” I finish. Sam glows red. Gotcha. “M-maybe a little kissing and cuddling… b-but that’s it!” Sam says with tears in his eyes as he brings me close and cuddles me. Well, this took a wholesome turn that I wasn’t expecting. “Good boys need their good cuddles, I guess.” I state. I feel Sam grow warmer when I call him a good boy again. We stay like this for a little while, just enjoying this moment. Then my phone goes off again. My magnum opus is now compete!!!1!! You guys can come up now! I type back a “k”. “Hey, Sam. Let’s go onto the roof.” I state. “Hm? Why?” He asks. “For the romantic view of the city?” I try. “Sure. Let’s go.” Sam agrees as he puts me down and heads towards the door.

“You know, you’ve been acting strangely all day, little buddy. Is something the matter?” Sam asks. I shake my head. “Nah. You’ll see why in a sec.” I answer as I follow Sam up the stairs. “But what could be up here that has you so…?” Sam starts. Sam opens the door to the roof. Geek really did a great job on the sign, it even spins! Not to mention it’s just as handsome as i am so there's that too. “Aww, Max. Did you have Geek build this sign because I mentioned wanted to put up ads for our services, but you wanted to keep it a secret so you had Geek build it while you distracted me with various methods?” Sam asks. “Yeah, basically.” I conform. “Ahem.” Geek clears their throat. “And thank you Geek for the sign, very cute and well made, kinda sticks out in this area like a baby hippopotamus at robotics convention.” Sam thanks. “Which is the point.” Geek nods. “Love my little family!” Sam says as he pulls Geek and I into a tight hug. Gotta love that feeling of being crushed by the ones you love, it's the best kind of vice!

Chapter Text

“And… done!” I announce to nobody as I finish the book I've been reading. I don’t think I have ever gotten through a book as quickly as this one. I wonder why? It’s not all that short and I have only been reading it at night. So what could be the reason? “Hey, Max?” I ask. I look to where Max should be doing something like sewing or sleeping but I am instead met with nothing but an empty space. I frown. Max hasn’t been going to bed at the same time as me lately. It’s not a big deal, but he also has been waking up earlier then me as well. Which in itself very strange given the Max loves to sleep in. So I haven’t been getting cuddled good night or good morning. And Max isn’t here to interrupt my reading which also explains how quickly I got through the book. Maybe I should go check on Max. I get up from the bed and put on my bunny slippers that Max insists I wear. 

I head down the stairs and I notice that the living room light is still on. “Max?” I ask as I poke my head into the room. I don’t see Max, but I do see Geek. “Geek? Your up late. What are you doing at this hour?” I ask. “I’m waiting on a reply from Momma Bosco about the research that I sent to her.” Geek says as they rub their eyes. “Geek, it’s late. I’m sure Momma Bosco will get back to you in the morning.” I say as I approach Geek. “Even if she doesn’t get back to me in the morning. There is still a ton I have to do in the meantime I-.” Geek tries to explain but is cut off by their own yawn. I look at Geeks features a bit more closely and I notice that they have dark rings under her eyes. “Geek, when was the last time you slept?” I ask. “I may have missed a night of sleep on the thirteenth.” They confess. I’m not happy with that answer. “What day of the month do you think it is, Geek?” I ask. “The fourteenth?” He tries. “Yeah, nice try. Go take a shower and change into your PJ’s.” I say as I put my hands on my hips to show I mean serious business. 

“But, Sam!” Geek whines. “Now, young genius.” I say, putting my foot down. Geek grumbles and heads up stairs. Good. They will thank me in the morning when they have a clear mind. Now, where is that husband of mine? I hear a crash from the kitchen. Speak of the cute devil. I scuffle over to the kitchen and see Max trying to pour himself a cup of coffee. “Max. What are you doing?” I ask. Max jumps, spilling coffee on himself. “Making chocolate pudding?” He answers. “That’s coffee, Max.” I point out. Max rolls his eyes at me, which have the same dark circles under them that Geek has. “Yeah, Sam. I know that. I was going to make chocolate pudding after I drank coffee.” Max says as he holds up the coffee pot and waves it a little. Actually, that’s not waving, that’s juddering. Max in shaking. “When was the last time you slept?” I ask. “Like, five days ago.” Max shrugs. I cross my arms. Max’s ears fall when I do so. “Uh, oh.” He mumbles. “Uh, oh is right. Why did you think this was a good idea?!” I exclaim. Max shrugs shakily. “I don’t know?” Max says as he begins to cry. 

A tired Max is a sensitive Max. “Max, don’t cry. Here, let’s wash you up and get you to bed.” I say as I pick him up and bring him over to the kitchen sink. Normally, Max would hate for me to wash him in the sink. “I’m not a baby, Sam!” He out scream as he would try and struggle out of the situation. But he’s so exhausted that he won’t even complain. I put the plug in the sink and begin to fill it with warm water. “Are you mad at me?” Max asks. “Nah, I just really miss cuddling you.” I answer. I gentle place Max in the sink and gently massage the coffee out of his fur. I reach under the sink and pull out an emergency bottle of shampoo. I squirt some shampoo on my hand and apply it to Max’s fur. Max seems to be relaxed as I continue to clean him. 

Once finished I grab a towel from the laundry room and dry Max off. Max’s fur is all puffy and soft now. “Feeling better?” I ask. Max nods as he reaches out for me. I scoop Max back up and take him upstairs. Just as I reach the top of the stairs. Geek gets out of the bathroom. “Happy?” She asks as gestures to their PJ’s. “Very.” I say as I scoop up Geek as well. “Hey?! Where are you taking me?!” Geek exclaims. “I don’t trust that you won’t sneak back down stairs. So you are having a impromptu sleep over with Max and I.” I explain as I reach the sleeping quarters of Sam and Max. I put Geek on one side of the bed and head around the bed. I climb in and put a very quiet Max down beside me. “Good night, everyone.” I announce as I flick off the lights. I bring both Geek and Max closer to me. Finally, the cuddles I’ve been so wrongly denied.