Actions

Work Header

Yes, this is another Newsies Group Chat AU

Chapter Text

New Chat

September 4th 3:52 pm

 

Disaster_Gay added Disaster_Bi, Disaster_Pan, One, Functional_Bi, Functional_Gay, Each, Sunshine, MomFriend, ThatGayOverThere, DontBlink, Of, Disaster_Lesbian, StraightWhiteBoi, Distinguished_Bi, and Functional_Lesbian to a new chat

 

Disaster_Gay renamed the chat Hot Guy Send Help

 

Disaster_Gay sent an image

 

Disaster_Gay: GUYS HELP!!! 

 

Disaster_Gay: THERES A HOT GUY IN MY DANCE CLASS

 

Disaster_Gay: HELP ME!!!!

 

Distinguished_Bi: Talk to him

 

Disaster_Gay: I DID

 

Disaster_Gay: HES SUPER NICE

 

Disaster_Gay: AND HOT

 

Disaster_Gay: I CANT

 

One: Sometimes I just can’t remember why Race’s username is “disaster gay”

 

Disaster_Bi: Its a real mystery

 

MomFriend: Jack, you have no room to talk

 

Disaster_Pan: He is hot

 

Disaster_Pan: Just ask him out

 

Functional_Gay: You have no room to talk either, Ro

 

Disaster_Gay sent five images

 

Disaster_Gay: Hes so hot I could die

 

Functional_Lesbian renamed the chat Race Is THIRSTY

 

One: True that

 

Disaster_Gay: Doesnt anyone care about MY problems?

 

Distinguished_Bi: Race, darling, if you don’t ask this boy out then there’s nothing that we can do

 

Disaster_Gay: I cant just ask him out!!!!

 

Sunshine: Then be thirsty forever bitch

 

Disaster_Bi: Sassy Crutchie gives me life <3 <3

 

Sunshine: Love you too babe!!!❤️

 

MomFriend: What about me?

 

Disaster_Bi: I love Davey Jacobs!

 

Sunshine: Love you Davey ❤️❤️

 

MomFriend: I love you guys!!

 

Disaster_Gay: Ew go away

 

Disaster_Gay: Were talking about me rn

 

Functional_Lesbian: If you’re gonna be a bitch, Race, then you should at least ask the boy out

 

Distinguished_Bi: I love Sarah Jacobs!!

 

Functional_Lesbian: 💜💜💜

 

Disaster_Pan: Hi I love Specs thanks!

 

Functional_Gay: I love Romeo!

 

One: @Of, Each we’re not being left out of this so I love you bitches

 

Each: I ain’t gonna never stop loving you bitches

 

Of: Uh same I guess

 

Each: You GUESS!?

 

One: Dammit Henry this is why we can’t have nice things

 

Of: Sorry sorry but that vine has only two lines

 

Of: Of course I love you both

 

Functional_Bi: Ew love

 

Disaster_Lesbian: ^^

 

StraightWhiteBoi: ^^

 

Disaster_Gay: ^^

Chapter Text

Race Is THIRSTY

September 5th 3:51 pm

 

Disaster_Gay sent an image

 

Disaster_Gay: Day 2 and hes still so pretty

 

Functional_Bi: Day 2 and Race is still a thirsty bitch

 

Disaster_Gay: How come no one is on my side here

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Ask him out

 

Disaster_Gay: Mom! Everyones bullying me

 

MomFriend: Ask him out

 

Disaster_Gay: ☹️

 

Race Is THIRSTY

September 5th 5:42 pm

 

Disaster_Bi: Yo @Disaster_Pan, Disaster_Lesbian, Disaster_Gay it’s the first Wednesday of the month

 

Disaster_Gay: YEET!

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Shut up Race

 

Disaster_Gay: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine

 

Disaster_Gay: @Disaster_Bi the usual jack?

 

Disaster_Bi: Yep

 

Disaster_Pan: YAY PANCAKES!

 

MomFriend: What?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: None of your business Davey

 

Disaster_Gay: Yeah dave fuk off

 

Functional_Gay: ???

 

Disaster_Pan: Don’t worry about it babe

 

Of: If you're not gonna tell us what you're doing then why don’t you have your own chat?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Cuz that takes effort

 

Disaster_Bi: It’s “Disasters’ Night Out” which basically means we’re gonna hangout at ihop until they kick us out

 

Disaster_Pan: You know like disasters do

 

Sunshine: I like pancakes 🥞

 

Disaster_Gay: Get ur own pancakes ur not invited

 

Sunshine: ☹️

 

Disaster_Bi: Sorry Crutch disasters only

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Pan-cakes

 

Disaster_Pan: Pan-Cakes

 

Disaster_Bi: PAN-Cakes

 

Disaster_Gay: PAN-CAKES

 

Functional_Lesbian: … oooookay

 

Functional_Lesbian: Hey @Functional_Bi, Functional_Gay you guys wanna get dinner together

 

Functional_Bi: Hell yeah! Functionals unite!

 

Functional_Gay: Sure!

 

Distinguished_Bi: Hey there’s no other distinguished people here

 

Distinguished_Bi: Fine then @Everyone else if you guys wanna get dinner it’s on me

 

Each: Yay Kath!

 

Sunshine: Thanks Katherine!!

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Sugar momma!

 

Distinguished_Bi: Mike has been uninvited

 

StraightWhiteBoi: That’s fair 😕

 

New Chat

September 5th 8:03

 

Disaster_Lesbian added Disaster_Bi, Disaster_Pan, and Disaster_Gay to a new chat

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Where are you guys?

 

Disaster_Gay: Keep ur shirt on were almost there

 

Disaster_Pan: Pancakes!!! 🥞🥞🥞

 

Disaster_Lesbian remaned the chat Disaster Pancakes

 

Chapter Text

Race is THIRSTY

September 7th 11:29 am

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Guess who’s got a date tonight!!

 

Functional_Lesbian: Not Race

 

Disaster_Gay: r00d

 

Sunshine: Congrats Smalls

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Thnx Crutch

 

Disaster_Bi: Nice

 

Disaster_Bi: Who with?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: A cute girl from my psych class

 

Disaster_Bi: Add her

 

Disaster_Lesbian: No

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I really like her and we haven’t even been on a date yet

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I’m not introducing her to you freaks until she’s more attached to me

 

Functional_Bi: That’s so fair

 

StraightWhiteBoi: That’s so valid

 

Functional_Lesbian: You know who could have a date if he grew a pair?

 

Functional_Lesbian: And by “a pair” I mean ovaries

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Yeah Race woman up

 

Disaster_Gay: Help im being attacked by lesbians

 

Sunshine: I’ll attack you too if that will make you feel better

 

Disaster_Gay: ☹️

 

Disaster_Gay: Mooooooom! Ur bf is mean to me

 

Disaster_Gay: But like in a very nice way

 

MomFriend: It’s because you’re a bitch.

 

Disaster_Gay: O_o

 

Functional_Bi: :0

 

StraightWhiteBoi: 0:

 

Disaster_Lesbian: ...

 

Functional_Lesbian: Wow 

 

Sunshine: Are you getting enough sleep babe?

 

Sunshine: You stressed out?

 

Sunshine: Need me and Jack to come cuddle with you?

 

MomFriend: Yes, please. 

 

Sunshine: @Disaster_Bi, we’re needed

 

Disaster_Bi: On my way! 

 

MomFriend: Thanks, guys.

 

Sunshine: ❤️❤️❤️

 

Disaster Pancakes

September 8th 1:34 am

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Am I still a disaster if I had a successful date that comes with the promise of another?

 

Disaster_Pan: Finding a girl who isn’t a disaster doesn’t make you any less of a disaster

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Hey!

 

Disaster_Gay: Hes rite u know just look at jack hes got TWO boyfriends and hes still a complete disaster

 

Disaster_Bi: Hey!

 

Disaster_Bi: I mean hes right but still

 

Disaster_Pan: I have a boyfriend too!

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Yeah and I’d say that’s even more impressive since Jack can at least seduce people with his art

 

Disaster_Pan: HEY!

 

Disaster_Bi: Aww Smalls thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me

 

Disaster_Pan: I’m charming!!!

 

Disaster_Gay: Suuuure

 

Disaster_Pan: I am! Specs thinks I’m charming

 

Disaster_Bi: Obviously

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Still not sure why though

 

Disaster_Pan: You guys suck

 

Disaster_Gay: XP

 

Disaster_Bi: Go to bed. -Davey

 

Disaster_Pan: *sigh* yes mom

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Yes mom

 

Disaster_Gay: Ur not the boss of me

 

Disaster_Bi: Antonio Higgins! Don't make me come down there! -Davey

 

Disaster_Gay: Sorry mom ill go 2 bed now

 

Disaster_Bi: Goodnight everyone. -Davey

 

 

New Chat

September 8th 1:54 am

 

 

Disaster_Gay added Disaster_Pan and Disaster_Lesbian to a new chat

 

Disaster_Gay: R u guys really going to bed?

 

Disaster_Pan: Davey will know if we don't

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Yeah I'm not having Davey yell at me

 

Disaster_Gay: U guys r no fun 😒

Chapter Text

Dad’s Fettuccine

September 13th 11:06 pm

 

Disaster_Bi added spot_conlon to the chat

 

Disaster_Bi: Guys

 

Disaster_Bi: Brooklyns here

 

spot_conlon: no

 

spot_conlon has left the chat

 

Disaster_Bi added spot_conlon to the chat

 

spot_conlon: fuck you jack

 

Disaster_Bi: Love you too Spotty

 

Disaster_Gay: Hey jack y did u add my ex to the chat I made to complain about a hot guy

 

Disaster_Bi: Because Spot is part of our group and this is our main chat now

 

spot_conlon: i dont want to be here

 

Disaster_Bi: Too bad

 

spot_conlon has left the chat

 

Disaster_Bi added spot_conlon to the chat

 

spot_conlon changed their name to let_me_leave

 

let_me_leave: please

 

Disaster_Bi: No

 

Disaster_Gay: Jaaaaack

 

Disaster_Bi: You guys broke up like 3 years ago

 

Disaster_Bi: Get over it

 

Chapter Text

 

Dad’s Fettuccine

September 14th 6:45 am


let_me_leave has left the chat

 

Chapter Text

Dad’s Fettuccine

September 14th 12:01 pm

 

Disaster_Bi added let_me_leave to the chat

 

Disaster_Bi: Dont think you can escape just because I was asleep Spotty

 

let_me_leave has changed their name to let_me_leave_please

 

let_me_leave_please: i hate you

 

MomFriend: Jack, are you JUST waking up?

 

Disaster_Bi: Hey davey shut up

 

Disaster_Bi: Jk love you babe

 

Distinguished_Bi: But you are just waking up

 

Disaster_Bi: Well yeah duh

 

Sunshine: Jack’s not just a disaster bi, he’s a disaster human too

 

Disaster_Bi: :(

 

Sunshine: Love you babe!

 

Disaster_Bi: <3

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Ew happiness

 

Chapter Text

Dad’s Fettuccine

September 14th 1:27 pm

 

Disaster_Pan: Smalls just took my apple and threw it across the room for no reason

 

Disaster_Lesbian: In this world, Ro, it’s yeet Or be yeeted

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Today you were yeeted

 

Disaster_Pan: But my apple 😭

 

Disaster_Lesbian: YEET OR BE YEETED RO SUCK IT UP

 

Disaster_Gay renamed the chat Yeet Or Be Yeeted

 

Disaster_Pan: 😢

 

Disaster_Gay: Sux 2 suck ro

 

Functional_Gay: I’m sorry about your apple, babe, I’ll get you another one later

 

Disaster_Pan: :D

 

Disaster_Pan: Specs is the BEST boyfriend!!!!

 

One: Ok but consider this

 

One sent an image

It’s Henry carrying a plate of sandwiches

 

Each: 😍😍😍

 

MomFriend: Alright, but consider this:

 

MomFriend sent an image

It’s Jack and Crutchie cuddling on their couch

 

Disaster_Bi: consider this though

 

Disaster_Bi sent an image

It’s Davey reading a book

 

Functional_Bi: OK BUT CONSIDER THIS

 

Functional_Bi sent an image

It’s a cardboard cutout of Benedict Cumberbatch

 

Disaster_Gay: Ok but consider this

 

Disaster_Gay sent an image

It’s a bowl of spaghetti

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok Race but consider this

 

Disaster_Bi sent an image

It’s an image of the boy that Race has been pining after that Race has sent the previous day

 

Disaster_Gay: Ok jack but consider this

 

Disaster_Gay: Fuk u

 

Functional_Lesbian: Is Buttons the only girl in this chat who has a boyfriend?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Well considering you’re a lesbian and I’m a lesbian and Kath is dating you and Buttons is the only other girl

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I’m just not sure why you’re shocked by this

 

Functional_Lesbian: We need more girl friends

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Rt

 

Each: Rt

 

Distinguished_Bi: Rt


New Chat

September 14th 1:58 pm

 

StraightWhiteBoi added Functional_Bi, Disaster_Gay, and let_me_leave_please to a new chat

 

Functional_Bi renamed the chat Singles Squad

 

let_me_leave_please: no

 

let_me_leave_please has left the chat

 

Disaster_Gay: Sorry guys but im not staying in a chat thats just u guys that actually sounds like a nightmare

 

Disaster_Gay has left the chat

 

StraightWhiteBoi: D:

 

Functional_Bi: r00d


New Chat

September 14th 2:09 pm

 

Distinguished_Bi added Functional_Lesbian, Each, and Disaster_Lesbian to a new chat

 

Distinguished_Bi renamed the chat Girls Only

 

Functional_Lesbian: Greetings ladies

 

Each: There’s only 4 of us and there’s like 50 guys and Jojo in our main chat

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I’ll add my sorta gf if you guys promise not to scare her off

 

Each: Aww you trust us

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Well there’s only three of you and you are three of the better ones

 

Distinguished_Lesbian: Yes, please add her Smalls.

 

Disaster_Lesbian added Crossfire to the chat

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Sniper these are some of my friends

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Girls this is Sniper

 

Crossfire: Hello!

 

Distinguished_Bi: Hello, Sniper! I’m Katherine!

 

Functional_Lesbian: I’m her girlfriend Sarah

 

Each: Hi I’m Buttons!

 

Functional_Lesbian: We should have girls night some time

 

Each: Hell yeah

 

Crossfire: I’m down

 

Functional_Lesbian: Yay! We get to meet Smalls’s girlfriend!!

 

Crossfire: GIRLFRIEND?!?!

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Hey Sarah we haven’t had that conversation yet

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I told you not to scare her off

 

Crossfire: I’m not scared off I just think that one full date and getting lunch together twice in six days isn’t enough to go for the labels yet

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I didn’t call you my girlfriend, I said sorta girlfriend

 

Crossfire: I mean it’s not that I don’t want to be your girlfriend, I just think we should test the waters with each other a little more before we start going deeper, and I do feel like saying girlfriends is deeper than we are currently

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I totally agree

 

Each: Wow Sarah, Sniper’s coming for your “functional lesbian” title

 

Distinguished_Bi: We don’t know that she’s a lesbian

 

Crossfire: I’m lesbian

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I thought you were American

 

Functional_Lesbian: I welcome another functional lesbian to our group, especially since Kath and Smalls are disasters

 

Crossfire: Where does Buttons fall?

 

Each: I am an ethereal being who transcends your worldly labels

 

Distinguished_Bi: Buttons is a functional disaster

 

Each: 🖕

 

Chapter Text

Yeet Or Be Yeeted

September 20th 3:53 pm

 

Disaster_Gay: Can we just take a moment to appreciate Albert’s hair

 

Disaster_Gay: I mean

 

Disaster_Gay sent four images

 

Disaster_Gay: Its just so red

 

Disaster_Gay: And fluffy

 

Disaster_Gay: I want to touch it

 

Functional_Lesbian: There’s no way his hair is natural

 

Distinguished_Bi: It’s literally impossible

 

Disaster_Gay: I have never seen his roots be anything but red

 

Disaster_Gay: And trust me I stare at his hair a lot

 

Disaster_Gay: As well as the rest of him 😏

 

Disaster_Bi: If you asked him out you could probably stare at him more

 

Disaster_Pan: Naked 😏😏

 

Disaster_Lesbian: On the one hand: ew

 

Disaster_Lesbian: On the other hand: that’s so true

 

Disaster_Gay: Does anyone who isn’t a disaster have anything to say

 

MomFriend: Statistically speaking, you have a higher chance of seeing him naked if you ask him out than you do if you don’t ask him out.

 

Disaster_Bi: Math doesnt lie

 

Functional_Bi: Davey has spoken

 

StraightWhiteBoi: And he speaks the truth

 

Disaster_Gay: I h8 u guys

 

Chapter Text

Yeet Or Be Yeeted

September 25th 3:54 pm

 

Disaster_Gay sent an image

 

Disaster_Gay: I love him 😍

 

One: Race, what do you actually know about this boy

 

Disaster_Gay: A lot

 

Of: Such as?

 

Disaster_Gay: His name is Albert

 

StraightWhiteBoi: …

 

Functional_Bi: Is that all?

 

Disaster_Gay: No

 

Disaster_Gay: Purple is his favorite color but it doesnt go well with his hair so he usually wears blue

 

Disaster_Gay: Hes super into science but his passion is dancing

 

Disaster_Gay: As much as he loves science he hates math

 

Disaster_Gay: He was super close to his mom but she died of cancer a few years back

 

One: Ok then

 

Disaster_Gay: When he was little he wanted to be an astronaut

 

Disaster_Gay: When he cant sleep he goes to the roof of his building to look at the stars

 

Disaster_Gay: He wants to be a dancer in a broadway musical

 

Disaster_Gay: He also wants to teach dance to kids

 

Disaster_Gay: He takes in every stray He comes across because he cant the thought of it dying in the streets

 

Disaster_Gay: Hes a terrible singer but that doesnt stop him

 

Disaster_Gay: His spirit animal is an armadillo

 

One: …

 

One: Ok so Race knows a lot about this boy

 

Of: … I

 

MomFriend: Ask him out Race, you clearly care a lot about him.

 

let_me_leave_please: ask him out

 

Functional_Gay: ^^^

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Wow even Spot thinks you should ask him out

 

Functional_Bi: That means you have to

 

Disaster_Bi: Racer, in all seriousness, you need to ask this boy out. It’s clearly more than a crush, and we all want you to be happy.

 

Functional_Bi: You know it’s serious when Jack uses punctuation

 

Disaster_Gay: Ok but I really like him and I dont want 2 make things awkward between us ya know

 

Disaster_Gay: I mean i know that i was hardcore thirsting in the beginning but now we have like a legit friendship but its definately not strong enough to withstand unrequited feelings

 

MomFriend: Your feelings might not be unrequited though.

 

Disaster_Gay: I know but i cant risk it yet


World’s Best Boyfriends

September 25th 4:49 pm

 

MomFriend: I know that you want to get involved, Jackie, but I don’t think Race would appreciate it very much at this point in time.

 

Disaster_Bi: But Daaaavey its loooooove

 

Sunshine: Yeah Davey, I’ve never seen Race like this before

 

MomFriend: Exactly! Think about it, Race really genuinely likes this boy for more than just because he’s attractive. If you meddle, and it ends badly, Race may never forgive you.

 

Sunshine: That’s a good point! I wouldn’t say never though, cuz Jackie and Racer have been friends since forever, but he would be pissed if Jack scared Albert away

 

Disaster_Bi: Name one person Ive scared away

 

Sunshine: York

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok but I didnt want him to date you

 

MomFriend: Myron

 

Disaster_Bi: Once again I didnt want him to date you

 

Sunshine: Ace

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok well

 

MomFriend: Price

 

Sunshine: Skittery

 

MomFriend: Vince

 

Disaster_Bi: Fine I get it Im not good at helping are you happy now

 

Sunshine: I’d be happier if you picked up Thai on the way home

 

Disaster_Bi: Fine

 

Sunshine: ❤️❤️❤️

 

Disaster_Bi: <3 <3

 

MomFriend: ❤️

 

Chapter Text

Yeet Or Be Yeeted

September 28th 11:55 pm

 

Disaster_Gay renamed the chat Choc-LIT Milk

 

Disaster_Gay: Am i rite or am i rite


Choc-LIT Milk

September 29th 1:47 am

 

Disaster_Gay: Do y gusy thinjs planets have fellifns

 

Disaster_Gay: I amen thay r alive rit eso does thats nebs thay have feldjfn

 

MomFriend: Race, how high are you?

 

Disaster_Gay: Dvaud its hi how r u

 

MomFriend: Go to bed.

 

Disaster_Gay: oooOOoo will u b theee

 

Disaster_Bi: Stay away from my boyfriend and go. To. SLEEP

 

Disaster_Gay: Boo

 

Disaster_Gay: Fine


Choc-LIT Milk

September 29th 3:08 am

 

Disaster_Gay: MOTHMAN

 

Disaster_Bi: Race

 

Disaster_Gay: Theres no need to feel down

 

Disaster_Gay: I said

 

Disaster_Bi: Shut up

 

Disaster_Gay: MOTHMAN

 

Disaster_Gay: Pick that guy off the ground

 

Disaster_Gay: I said

 

Disaster_Bi renamed the chat Shut Up Race

 

Disaster_Gay: MOTHMAN

 

Disaster_Gay: Swing ur new friend around

 

let_me_leave_please: if you dont shut up i swear

 

Disaster_Gay: Cuz its fun

 

Disaster_Gay: To

 

Disaster_Gay: Swing

 

Disaster_Gay: A

 

Disaster_Gay: Hu

 

let_me_leave_please removed Disaster_Gay from the chat

 

Disaster_Bi: The ultimate power move

 

let_me_leave_please: one more message out of you and ill remove you too


Shut Up Race

September 29th 10:02 am

 

Distinguished_Bi: THE Spot Conlon removes Racetrack Higgins from his own group chat

 

Each: I stan one (1) legend

 

DontBlink: Legendary Hero Spot Conlon Removes Legendary Dumbass Antonio “Racetrack” Higgins Mid-Word

 

Distinguished_Bi: A cryptid!

 

Each: CRYPTID

 

One: A Cryptid

 

Disaster_Bi: CRyptid!!

 

Disaster_Pan: OMG I forgot that Blink was here 😂😂

 

Chapter Text

Shut Up Race

September 30th 1:09 pm

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Can I add my girlfriend?

 

Disaster_Bi: Your girlfriend wants to watch Race pine?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: I thought this was our official group chat?

 

Disaster_Bi: I mean it is but Race is here so hes going to pine

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Is Race here? Cuz I thought that no one added him back in

 

Disaster_Bi: Oh shit

 

Disaster_Bi added Disaster_Gay to the chat

 

Disaster_Gay: Well its about damn time

 

Disaster_Pan: Lol I thought this chat was quiet

 

Functional_Lesbian: Add her, Smalls, we need more girls in this chat

 

Each: Amen sister

 

Disaster_Lesbian added Crossfire to the chat

 

Crossfire: Where am I?

 

Disaster_Pan: Hell

 

Crossfire: Ok edgelord

 

Each: Get owned Romeo

 

Crossfire: Is your name really Romeo?

 

Disaster_Pan: It is indeed

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Everyone introduce yourself to my girlfriend

 

Disaster_Pan: Romeo he/him

 

Disaster_Bi: Jack he/him

 

Functional_Bi: Mike he/him

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Ike he/him

 

Functional_Lesbian: Don’t listen to them, Ike is the bi one, and Mike is the straight one

 

One: Jojo, they/them

 

Sunshine: Crutchie he/him

 

Crossfire: How come most of you have your sexuality in your nicknames?

 

Disaster_Pan: It was Jack’s idea

 

Disaster_Gay: Race(track) he/him

 

let_me_leave_please: spot he him

 

Functional_Gay: Specs, he/him

 

MomFriend: I’m David, he/him

 

Of: Henry he/him

 

DontBlink: Blink he/him

 

Disaster_Bi: CRYPTID

 

Of: Cryptid

 

StraightWhiteBoi: cRYPTID

 

Disaster_Lesbian: CRyptid

 

One changed DontBlink to ResidentCryptid

 

ResidentCryptid: I hate you guys

 

Crossfire: OK well I’m Sniper, she/her, nice to meet you guys

 

Crossfire: Even the cryptid

 

Disaster_Pan: How come none of the girls introduced themselves

 

Functional_Lesbian: Because we’ve already met Sniper.

 

Of: WHAT!!

 

Each: ;P

 

Each: Smalls trusts us

 

Disaster_Gay: r00d


Singles Squad

September 30th 1:42 pm

 

Functional_Bi added Disaster_Gay, let_me_leave_please, and ResidentCryptid to the chat

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Let's try this again

 

ResidentCryptid: I’m not single

 

ResidentCryptid has left the chat

 

Disaster_Gay: Wait wut?

 

Disaster_Gay added ResidentCryptid to the chat

 

Functional_Bi: SINCE WHEN??

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Spill. The. TEA!!

 

ResidentCryptid: Yeah I’ve been in an official relationship since July

 

Disaster_Gay: Y DIDNT U TELL US???

 

ResidentCryptid: *shrugs*

 

Functional_Bi: We are so telling the others

 

ResidentCryptid: No wait!

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Hmm not so nonchalant now

 

ResidentCryptid: I’m just not ready to tell everyone yet ok

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Hmm

 

Functional_Bi: Ok

 

Disaster_Gay: I love knowing secrets 😈

 

ResidentCryptid: I already regret saying anything


Crossfire to ThatGayOverThere

September 30th 1:43 pm

 

Crossfire: My rates just doubled

 

ThatGayOverThere: You drive a hard bargain

 

ThatGayOverThere: But we have a deal

 

Chapter Text

CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

October 2nd 3:56 pm

 

Disaster_Gay: RED ALERT

 

Disaster_Gay: HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF IN CLASS

 

Disaster_Gay sent two images

 

Sunshine: THOSE ABS THOUGH

 

Disaster_Gay: I KNOW RITE

 

Functional_Lesbian: I’m not even straight, but daaaaamn son

 

Each: Yeah but look at Jojo and Henry

 

Each sent an image

 

Functional_Bi: Nice

 

Disaster_Pan: Ok but look at Specs

 

Disaster_Pan sent an image

 

Distinguished_Bi: Specs!!! Where were you when I tried dating guys???

 

Functional_Gay: Off being my normal Gay self 😉

 

Distinguished_Bi: Fair 😕

 

Crossfire sent an image

 

Distinguished_Bi: Smalls!!!

 

Functional_Lesbian: Wow I’m so gay!

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Ok, but Snipes definitely is stronger than me

 

Disaster_Lesbian sent an image

 

Functional_Lesbian: Hey Kath, I think Smalls and Sniper are a different kind of lesbian than us.

 

Distinguished_Bi: You mean the kind that actually works out?

 

Functional_Lesbian: Yep

 

Sunshine: Ok but look at Jack and Spot

 

Sunshine sent an image

 

Of: Wow

 

StraightWhiteBoi: The brothers who lift together get RIPPED together

 

One: Jack and Spot? More like Jacked and…

 

One: And...

 

One: Fuck

 

Each: It’s ok Jo

 

Each: You tried

 

Disaster_Pan: How is Spot still single???

 

Functional_Bi: Because he has a terrible personality

 

let_me_leave_please: you want to die ike?

 

Functional_Bi: 0_0 no please

 

let_me_leave_please: thats what i thought

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok but we’re missing the best abs of them all

 

Functional_Lesbian: Come on, Jack we all know that David doesn’t have abs

 

Disaster_Bi sent an image

 

Functional_Lesbian: 🤯

 

StraightWhiteBoi: HOT DAMN

 

Disaster_Gay: Uve killed my poor gay heart

 

Disaster_Pan: My sweet sunshine boy??

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Be careful who you call a cinnamon roll in middle school because they can actually fucking kill you

 

Sunshine: I would never kill anyone

 

Sunshine: Unless they were mean to my boyfriends

 

Sunshine: Then shits gonna go down

 

Functional_Gay: Crutchie how are you so shredded

 

Sunshine: Everyday is arms day for me 💪

 

One: Crutch, I will pay you so much money to ditch Davey and Jack and join Henry Buttons and I instead

 

Of: ^^

 

Sunshine: Sorry Jojo, but I’m rather attached to my idiot boyfriends

 

Disaster_Gay: Not 2 mention crutchie would never get it up 4 buttons

 

One: Then I think I speak for all of us when I say we will forever be pining after you

 

Of: ^^

 

Each: ^^

 

Functional_Bi: ^^

 

Disaster_Pan: ^^

 

Distinguished_Bi: ^^

 

StraightWhiteBoi: ^^

 

Disaster_Bi: Mike youre not gay

 

StraightWhiteBoi: And yet I will forever pine after Crutchie

 

Sunshine: 😉


World’s Best Boyfriends

October 2nd 4:42 pm

 

MomFriend: Hey, Crutchie, why do you have a picture of both Jack and Spot without shirts on?

 

Sunshine: I like to go to the gym with them

 

MomFriend: Why though?

 

Sunshine: Did you not see the pic Dave? I think it’s pretty obvious why

 

Disaster_Bi: ;)

 

Disaster_Bi: You should come with us to the gym Davey

 

MomFriend: As much I do drool over your body, Jack, the gym gives me anxiety, so I’m going to have to pass on that offer.

 

Sunshine: Oh sorry babe. What about the gym gives you anxiety?

 

MomFriend: Just the people, and the atmosphere, and the thought of working out. It’s fine, I can see Jack without a shirt on at home instead.

 

Disaster_Bi: ;)


One Of Each

October 2nd 4:57 pm

 

Each: We should all go to the gym together sometime

 

Of: Somehow I think that you just want to watch me and Jojo workout 🤔

 

Each: WHAT!

 

Each: I would never!

 

Each: I have nothing but the desire to get into shape while spending time with my two favoritest people in the entire world!

 

Each: How dare you question my most purest of intentions!

 

Of: Mhmm 🤨

 

Of: Sure

 

One: I’d love to go to the gym with you guys!!

 

Each: See Jojo gets it!

 

One: 💚

 

Of: Mhmm 

 

Of: Sure I’ll go to the gym with you guys

 

Each: YAY!!

 

One: 😃

 

Of: I still don’t trust you though


Functional_Bi to let_me_leave_please

October 2nd 5:21 pm

 

Functional_Bi: Hey Spot

 

Functional_Bi: Can you show me and mike how to use the equipment at the gym sometime?

 

Functional_Bi: We don’t know how and we’re afraid to ask

 

let_me_leave_please: you dont know how the equipment works?

 

Functional_Bi: Just like some of the strength training stuff

 

Functional_Bi: We know how like treadmills and stuff work

 

let_me_leave_please: fine

 

Functional_Bi: Thanks Spot!!!

 

Functional_Bi: I’m sorry I said you had a bad personality

 

Functional_Bi: I’m sure you’re a really great guy to date

 

let_me_leave_please: stop talking before I decide not to help you after all

 

Functional_Bi: Sorry I’ll shut up now

 

Chapter Text

CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

October 3rd 7:12 pm

 

Disaster_Bi: We should have a movie night

 

Functional_Gay: Yes

 

Disaster_Pan: Hell Yeah

 

Sunshine: Or

 

Sunshine: LotR marathon 

 

Distinguished_Bi: ^^

 

Functional_Bi: Why stop there

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Middle earth marathon

 

let_me_leave_please: the hobbit movies suck

 

Disaster_Pan: Wow

 

Disaster_Pan: THE Spot Conlon doesn’t like the action packed Hobbit movies

 

let_me_leave_please: the movies are nothing like the book they were just trying to recreate lotr thats why they added the whole being chased by orcs thing

 

let_me_leave_please: not to mention the whole romance between whats her name and kili that they contrived because they wanted a romance in what should have been more of a buddy cop type movie

 

let_me_leave_please: and i get that also they added whats her name so that it had any women but they didnt need legolas he wasnt in the book

 

let_me_leave_please: i just cant stand those movies

 

StraightWhiteBoi: …

 

Functional_Gay: …

 

Functional_Lesbian: …

 

Each: ...

 

Disaster_Pan: Wow

 

Functional_Bi: I think that’s the most I’ve ever seen Spot communicate at one time

 

Disaster_Bi: Who woulda thought that The Spot Conlon is a closeted nerd

 

let_me_leave_please: dont make me hurt you

 

Distinguished_Bi: I like the Hobbit movies.

 

Distinguished_Bi: They’re not true to the book, but I still enjoy them.

 

Distinguished_Bi: The beginning of An Unexpected Journey give me LIFE!

 

Sunshine: ^^

 

Sunshine: The whole good morning thing, and the dwarves showing up, and the SONG!!!

 

Distinguished_Bi: “I’m going on an adventure!”

 

let_me_leave_please: i dont mind the beginning

 

MomFriend: So Saturday will be a LotR marathon at our place. We’ll start at noon with Fellowship and keep going until we’re done. Everyone is welcome to come and go as needed.

 

One: YAAAASSS

 

Chapter Text

CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

October 6th 4:44 pm

 

Disaster_Gay: Im bored entertain me

 

let_me_leave_please: no


CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

October 6th 5:19 pm

 

Disaster_Gay: Booooooooored

 

Disaster_Bi: Want to play MASH

 

Disaster_Gay  Over txt?

 

Disaster_Bi: Yeah

 

Disaster_Gay: Ok

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok so spouses

 

Disaster_Gay: Chris Evans

 

Functional_Gay: Benedict Cumberbatch

 

Functional_Bi: Excuse me but Ben is MINE

 

Sunshine: Albert

 

StraightWhiteBoi: ^^

 

Functional_Lesbian: Ike

 

Functional_Bi: Sarah

 

Crossfire: The dean

 

Disaster_Pan: Spot

 

Functional_Bi: Mike

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok occupation

 

Each: Professional dumbass

 

Disaster_Gay: r00d

 

Disaster_Gay: Broadway dancer🕺

 

Of: Lion tamer 🦁

 

Sunshine: Horse jockey 🏇🏻

 

Disaster_Pan: Stripper

 

Functional_Gay: Billionaire playboy philanthropist

 

Disaster_Gay: Isnt it genius billionaire playboy philanthropist?

 

Functional_Lesbian: That’s unrealistic

 

Each: Indentured servant

 

One: Waiter

 

Disaster_Bi: Number of kids

 

Disaster_Gay: 1

 

MomFriend: Zero (Race should not have kids)

 

Disaster_Gay: I didnt realize we were playing the attack race game

 

Sunshine: 19

 

Disaster_Gay: O_O

 

Distinguished_Bi: 4

 

StraightWhiteBoi: 2

 

Disaster_Bi: Pet

 

Sunshine: Doggo! 🐶

 

One: Horse 🐎

 

Functional_Bi: Romeo 🌹

 

Disaster_Pan: Hey!

 

Distinguished_Bi: Turtle 🐢

 

Functional_Gay: Ants 🐜

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Jaguar! 

 

Crossfire: A dik dik

 

Of: ^^

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok transportation

 

Disaster_Pan: Ike

 

Disaster_Gay: Sports car 🚗

 

MomFriend: Bike 🚲

 

Functional_Lesbian: Race horse 🏇🏻

 

Crossfire: Magic carpet 

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Gondola 🚠

 

Distinguished_Bi: Roller skates 

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok now tell me when to stop

 

MomFriend: Stop

 

Disaster_Bi: 9

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok give me a minute


Disaster_Bi: Ok so Race will live in a shack with Albert, 1 kid, and a pet dik dik. He’ll be an indentured servant and ride around on a magic carpet

 

Disaster_Pan: RIP Race have fun being a servant

 

Each: Who lives in a shack

 

Disaster_Gay: I dont belive that u actually did that rite

 

Disaster_Gay: U just chose what u wanted

 

Disaster_Bi: You think I wanted you to have 1 kid and a flying carpet?

 

Disaster_Bi: I really did do it

 

Disaster_Bi: This is just what you get

 

Disaster_Bi: Deal with it

 

Disaster_Gay: 🤨



World’s Best Boyfriends

October 6th 6:31 pm

 

Sunshine: Hey Jack, did you really play fair?

 

Disaster_Bi: Mostly

 

Disaster_Bi: I didnt make him an indentured servant on purpose but Im pretty glad it worked out that way

 

MomFriend: Mostly?

 

Disaster_Bi: I might have made him marry Albert but I didnt mess with anything else

 

MomFriend: Jack I told you not to meddle.

 

Disaster_Bi: ITS A GAME OF MASH DAVEY IT DOESNT COUNT

 

MomFriend: If it doesn’t count then why did you do it?

 

Disaster_Bi: Cuz I wanted to Dave

 

Sunshine: Wow this looks like a heated discussion about something that doesn’t matter

 

MomFriend: He’s meddling!

 

Disaster_Bi: It doesnt matter!

 

Sunshine: ...ok so I’m gonna watch Big Hero Six, if you guys ever want to stop

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok see you in a few <3

 

MomFriend: I love you guys

 

Sunshine: 😘


CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

October 6th 6:53 on

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Ok but the real question is WHY is Race an indentured servant?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: He probably lost a bet tbh

 

Functional_Bi: Ok accurate

 

Disaster_Gay: Excuse u i never lose a bet

 

Functional_Lesbian: That’s probably why you bet your personal freedom.

 

Of: But who did he make a bet with?

 

One: I’m guessing either Katherine or Davey

 

StraightWhiteBoi: I’m guessing Crutchie

 

Each: My money’s on Sniper

 

Functional_Bi: I’m gonna go with Spot

 

MomFriend: I would never let Race raise a child in a shack.

 

One: But is that your only qualm here?

 

MomFriend: Pretty much

 

Sunshine: I would never let Race own a flying carpet

 

Crossfire: I wouldn’t let him have a dik dik

 

let_me_leave_please: i dont want him

 

Disaster_Bi: So that settles it Race is Kath’s servant

 

Distinguished_Bi: Race, do my laundry

 

Disaster_Gay: Ill clean all ur whites with a red sock in hot water

 

Distinguished_Bi: You wouldn’t

 

Disaster_Gay: Watch me

 

Chapter Text

CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE

October 9th 3:53 pm

 

Disaster_Gay sent an image

 

Disaster_Gay: 😭😭😭 y is he so beautiful?

 

ResidentCryptid: Why are you so goddamn thirsty

 

Disaster_Pan: Cryptid!

 

Sunshine: CRYPTID

 

Functional_Gay: CRYPTIF

 

Disaster_Bi: CRYPTID

 

ResidentCryptid: 🖕

 

ResidentCryptid: I don’t see why I’m the cryptid when @ThatGayOverThere has been in this chat the whole time and has never. Said. Anything.

 

Disaster_Bi: Wait

 

Disaster_Bi: Who is that?

 

Disaster_Pan: Idk

 

Functional_Gay: Idk

 

Sunshine: Idk

 

Of: No idea

 

One: I noticed the username when Race started this chat but Gay was in the name so I figured it was someone we knew and then I just kinda forgot

 

Functional_Lesbian: Race who tf did you put in this chat?

 

Disaster_Gay: Wait

 

Disaster_Gay: Shit

 

Disaster_Gay: Who is that

 

StraightWhiteBoi: YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW?

 

Disaster_Bi: Wtf Race

 

ThatGayOverThere: Lol sup bitches

 

One: Who are you!?!?

 

ThatGayOverThere: I could tell you but honestly i’m having too much fun

 

let_me_leave_please: we could just delete you from the chat

 

ThatGayOverThere: D:

 

ThatGayOverThere: Ok fine

 

ThatGayOverThere: How about this, you guys can ask me 20 yes/no questions and if you can guess who I am then I will tell you, if you can’t then I will leave and you’ll never know who I am

 

Disaster_Bi: Seems fair to me

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Fun game I guess

 

Disaster_Gay: Ur on

 

ThatGayOverThere: Game on then

 

ThatGayOverThere: 20 questions go

 

Disaster_Gay: Do I know u?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yes

 

Distinguished_Bi: Do the rest of us know you?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Sorta

 

Disaster_Pan: Sorta?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yep

 

Functional_Lesbian: Would we recognize you if we saw you in person?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Probably

 

Sunshine: Probably?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Some of you probably aren’t that good with faces

 

Functional_Gay: Fair

 

let_me_leave_please: are you a serial killer

 

ThatGayOverThere: Nah

 

let_me_leave_please: hmm

 

Disaster_Bi: Are you a college student?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yep

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Do you go to our school?

 

Disaster_Pan: Are you from NYC?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yes and yes

 

Functional_Gay: Do we know your name?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yeah

 

One: Are you friends with anyone in this chat?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yes

 

Disaster_Bi: Other than Race?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yep

 

Functional_Gay: Do they know who they are?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yes

 

StraightWhiteBoi: Is your friend one of the guys?

 

ThatGayOverThere: They’re not going to rat me out if that’s what you’re thinking

 

ThatGayOverThere: I paid good money for their silence

 

let_me_leave_please: hmm

 

MomFriend: Are you a male?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yes

 

Distinguished_Bi: How many questions do we have left?

 

ThatGayOverThere: 8 because I’m nice and not counting clarification questions

 

Distinguished_Bi: Ok so far we know that Race knows him, someone else is friends with him, the rest of us could at least recognize him, he’s from NYC and goes to our school, and he (probably) isn’t a serial killer.

 

ThatGayOverThere: I’m not a serial killer

 

ResidentCryptid: Is your hair brown?

 

ThatGayOverThere: No

 

Sunshine: Blond?

 

ThatGayOverThere: No

 

One: Red

 

ThatGayOverThere: Yes

 

ResidentCryptid: Wait wait wait

 

ResidentCryptid: Oh my god Race you dumbass

 

ThatGayOverThere: By jove I think he’s got it

 

StraightWhiteBoi: What?

 

Distinguished_Bi: No way

 

Disaster_Gay: I dont get it

 

Distinguished_Bi: Race, think for a moment. A ginger male that you know.

 

Disaster_Gay: Um…

 

ResidentCryptid: And the rest of us would recognize

 

Distinguished_Bi: Possibly because you talk about him all. The. Time.

 

ResidentCryptid: And send us pics of him like everyday

 

Disaster_Gay: !!!

 

Disaster_Gay: Oh god no

 

Disaster_Gay: Plz tell me I didn’t

 

One: Oh

 

Of: My

 

Each: GAWD

 

MomFriend: Racetrack Higgins

 

MomFriend: Please tell me that you did not start a group chat so that you could thirst after a boy,

 

MomFriend: And then add said boy to said chat.

 

Disaster_Bi: Omfg Racer

 

Crossfire: Lol

 

Functional_Lesbian: I guess there’s a reason why he’s the disaster gay.

 

Disaster_Gay: Plz kill me

 

ThatGayOverThere: Say it

 

Disaster_Gay: Albert

 

ThatGayOverThere sent a photo

It’s a selfie that shows Albert and Sniper both sticking their tongues out at the camera

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Wait Sniper!?

 

Crossfire: Lol yeah

 

Crossfire: Did I not mention that Al and I are friends?

 

Disaster_Gay: Excuse me as I go die of shame

 

Crossfire: Well if it makes you feel better, Albert was also pining hard

 

Crossfire sent five images

 

_____________

Need Me Some Vitamin D

September 5th 4:08 pm

ThatGayOverThere: So there was this really cute dude in my dance class and we exchanged numbers and I added myself to some of his socials and he accidentally added me to a group chat

iwannaflyaway: How do you know it was an accident?

ThatGayOverThere: Cuz he started out by sending a pic of me and complaining to his friends that I was hot

iwannaflyaway: Thirsty

Crossfire: Ask him out 

_____________

Need Me Some Vitamin D

September 20th 4:03 pm

ThatGayOverThere sent a video

that’s clearly Race in a dance studio about to start a dance

ThatGayOverThere: He is literally an angel I am SOFT

I_will_eat_you: GAy

IliketheCRONCH: gay

iwannaflyaway: GAAAAAAAAY

Crossfire: Gay

_____________

Need Me Some Vitamin D

October 2nd 4:27 pm

ThatGayOverThere: GUYS!!!

ThatGayOverThere: HE THINKS I’M HOT

iwannaflyaway: We know this yes

ThatGayOverThere: I DID A SOLO TODAY WITHOUT A SHIRT ON AND HE TOOK PICS!!!

StuckOnYou: So stop wearing a shirt

iwannaflyaway: ^^^

iwannaflyaway: Yes shirtless Al forever please

Crossfire: You? Have a boyfriend?

_______________

Need Me Some Vitamin D

I_will_eat_you: Who would also like to see Al shirtless please

StuckOnYou: Gay

Crossfire: Gay

IliketheCRONCH: gay

IliketheCRONCH: but also super relatable send PICS!!!

ThatGayOverThere sent a photo

It’s a photo that Race had taken of Albert in dance class without a shirt on

_______________

Need Me Some Vitamin D

ThatGayOverThere sent a photo

iwannaflyaway: YEEEESSSSSSS

IliketheCRONCH: I stan those ABS

I_will_eat_you: Petition to steal all of Al’s shirts

StuckOnYou: Aye

IliketheCRONCH: aye

iwannaflyaway: Aye

Crossfire: Gay

_________________

 

Functional_Lesbian renamed the chat That’s So Gay

 

Distinguished_Bi: They’re made for each other

 

Each: I Ship it

 

Disaster_Bi: Y’all better go out now

 

Chapter Text

That’s So Gay

October 10th 11:21 am

 

Crossfire: I’m adding the rest of my friends to this chat

 

Functional_Lesbian: The one’s from the screenshots?

 

Crossfire: Yea

 

Each: Do it

 

Crossfire added IliketheCRONCH, I_will_eat_you, StuckOnYou, and iwannaflyaway to the chat

 

iwannaflyaway: Is this where the thirsty boi is?

 

Crossfire: Yea

 

iwannaflyaway: Where is he

 

Disaster_Bi: @Disaster_Gay, theyre looking for you 

 

ThatGayOverThere: Race says “fuck off”

 

Each: He’s with you!?!?

 

StuckOnYou: oooOOOooo

 

IliketheCRONCH: gay

 

ThatGayOverThere sent an image

The image is of Race on the other side of a McDonald's booth, with his head on the table and covered by his arms

 

I_will_eat_you: GAy

 

iwannaflyaway: Gay

 

Disaster_Bi: GAY

 

IliketheCRONCH: GET IT ALIBOO!!!

 

ThatGayOverThere: 🖕

 

 

let_me_leave_please: as this chat started with race being thirsty i would now like to thirst as well

 

Distinguished_Bi: Go ahead, Spot

 

let_me_leave_please sent an image

The image is a boy with dark curly hair who’s looking down at his phone standing towards the  edge of a hallway

 

let_me_leave_please: hes cute and i just

 

iwannaflyaway: OMFG!!!! 😂😂😂

 

Crossfire: Why is this chat such a disaster?🤦🏽‍♀️

 

IliketheCRONCH: I’m sensing a theme here

 

ThatGayOverThere: LOLOLOLOL

 

Disaster_Bi: What?

 

StuckOnYou: That’s

 

StuckOnYou: That’s me!!!!!!!??!

 

let_me_leave_please: …

 

let_me_leave_please has left the chat

 

StuckOnYou: WAIT NO!!!!

 

StuckOnYou: Who was that?

 

Disaster_Bi: Lol that was my brother Spot

 

StuckOnYou: IS HE CUTE?!?!?

 

Disaster_Bi sent an image 

 

StuckOnYou: !!!!!!!

 

StuckOnYou: Cute boy!!!!!!

 

StuckOnYou: Bring him back!!!!!

 

Disaster_Bi added let_me_leave_please to the chat

 

StuckOnYou: CUTE BOY!!!!!

 

StuckOnYou: DATE ME!!!!!

 

iwannaflyaway: Gay

 

IliketheCRONCH: calm down El

 

ResidentCryptid: Wait is that my boyfriend?

 

IliketheCRONCH: Blinky!!!!! 💙💙💙

 

ResidentCryptid: Mushy!!💖

 

ThatGayOverThere: Gay

 

Disaster_Pan: Since when does Blink have a bf!?!?

 

let_me_leave_please: why cant you all just let me die in peace

 

StuckOnYou: DON'T DIE!!!!

 

ResidentCryptid: A while I just didn’t feel like telling you

 

StuckOnYou: GO ON A DATE WITH ME!!!!

 

let_me_leave_please: ok

 

StuckOnYou: :DDD

 

I_will_eat_you: GAy

 

Distinguished_Bi: Shut up, it’s LOVE

 

Disaster_Pan: Is not one else bothered that Blink had a bf and just didn’t feel like telling us

 

Functional_Lesbian: What did you expect? He’s the Cryptid 

 

Disaster_Pan: :/

 

That’s So Gay

October 10th 2:31 pm

 

iwannaflyaway: Wait who all is dating?

 

Disaster_Bi: Me (Jack) Davey (MomFriend) and Crutchie (Sunshine)

 

Disaster_Bi: And we’re all male

 

Functional_Lesbian: Katherine (Distinguished_Bi) and I (Sarah), we’re female, obviously

 

Crossfire: Smalls (Disaster_lesbian) and me

 

IliketheCRONCH: me and Blink (ResidentCryptid)

 

Each: Me (Buttons, female), Jojo (One, NB) and Henry (Of, male)

 

Of: Because we’re one of each 😝

 

Disaster_Pan: Me (Romeo) and Specs (Functional_Gay)

 

Disaster_Bi: I think thats it

 

iwannaflyaway: Cool

 

iwannaflyaway: I’m Finch (male) and I’m dating Tommy Boy (I_will_eat_you)

 

iwannaflyaway: StuckOnYou is Elmer (male)

 

StraightWhiteBoi: I’m Mike (the token straight person), my twin brother Ike (Functional_Bi) is also here

 

Functional_Bi: We’re both single

 

Disaster_Bi: How are Race and Albert doing?

 

Disaster_Gay sent an image

The image is a selfie of Race smiling at the camera while Albert kisses him on the cheek

 

Disaster_Pan: GET IT RACE!!!!!

 

Each: OMG!!!

 

iwannaflyaway: THATS!! SO!! GAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

 

Functional_Lesbian: My skin has cleared

 

IliketheCRONCH: my crops are flourishing

 

Of: My grades are up

 

Disaster_Lesbian: My depression is cured

 

Chapter Text

Need Me Some Vitamin D

October 10th 7:09 pm

 

StuckOnYou: Hey so I was reading back through That’s So Gay and I have a question

 

iwannaflyaway: What is it El?

 

StuckOnYou: How much did Albert pay Sniper for her to not say anything?

 

ThatGayOverThere: A lot

 

ThatGayOverThere: Taking Race to McDonalds depleted the rest of my funds 

 

ThatGayOverThere: I can’t afford to do laundry

 

ThatGayOverThere: I have no dinner

 

ThatGayOverThere: But it was totally #worthit

 

StuckOnYou: Was it though?

 

ThatGayOverThere: I got the boy

 

iwannaflyaway: You could have gotten the boi if you had just asked him out

 

Crossfire: That’s what I told him, but hey I got money out of it

 

Crossfire: So I’m cool

 

ThatGayOverThere: Shut up

 

IliketheCRONCH: hey Albo I got a shit ton of ramen in my closet if you want to, you know, EAT

 

ThatGayOverThere: Ew the closet

 

I_will_eat_you: How come you didn’t have to pay Mush?

 

ThatGayOverThere: I didn’t know his boyfriend was in the chat

 

IliketheCRONCH: yeah I didn’t know he was either

 

Crossfire: Oh RIP Mush you coulda made bank off of Albert

 

IliketheCRONCH: damn

 

iwannaflyaway: But if you’d taken all of Al’s money then he couldn’t have gone out with the boi

 

IliketheCRONCH: that’s true

 

IliketheCRONCH: you’re welcome Albo

 

ThatGayOverThere: 🙄

 

I_will_eat_you: Changing the subject let’s talk about Spot 

 

iwannaflyaway: Oh yeah! What do we know about him

 

Crossfire: He hates the Hobbit movies

 

IliketheCRONCH: he’s Jack’s brother 

 

ThatGayOverThere: He’s Race’s ex

 

iwannaflyaway: Oof

 

StuckOnYou: Oh no! Is that going to be awkward???

 

ThatGayOverThere: Well Jack said they broke up like three years ago 

 

Crossfire: And they seem fine in the chat and when I’ve seen them in person

 

iwannaflyaway: If only we had an inside source

 

IliketheCRONCH: we do

 

IliketheCRONCH added ResidentCryptid to the chat

 

iwannaflyaway: Oh smart!

 

ResidentCryptid: Why am I here Mush?

 

IliketheCRONCH: we have questions about your friends and you’re just the guy to answer them

 

ResidentCryptid: Why me though? Why not Smalls 

 

Crossfire: You guys have been going out longer

 

ThatGayOverThere: You have the same vibe as us

 

ResidentCryptid: Fine what do you guys want?

 

StuckOnYou: Spot and Race use to date?

 

ResidentCryptid: I guess? I didn’t know them then though

 

iwannaflyaway: But you know them now

 

ResidentCryptid: Yeah and?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Do they act like exes?

 

IliketheCRONCH: are they weird around each other

 

I_will_eat_you: Is it going to be weird for them that El and Al are best friends?

 

ResidentCryptid: Uh 

 

ResidentCryptid: Nah I don't think so

 

ResidentCryptid: I mean Spot’s a little… you know

 

ResidentCryptid: But he's like that with everyone sooo

 

ResidentCryptid: I think you guys should be good

 

ThatGayOverThere: Nice

 

StuckOnYou: Thanks Blink!

 

IliketheCRONCH: love you babe!

 

ResidentCryptid: Yeah yeah, did you guys want anything else?

 

Crossfire: Is Katherine rich?

 

ThatGayOverThere: Are Sarah and Davey related?

 

ResidentCryptid: Yes and yes

 

ResidentCryptid: Sarah and Davey are twins

 

ResidentCryptid: I’m not sure that Jack knows that though

 

I_will_eat_you: Jack who is dating Davey?

 

StuckOnYou: You think Jack doesn’t know his own boyfriend has a twin?

 

Crossfire: A twin that he is friends with?

 

ResidentCryptid: This is unconfirmed, but Jack IS a dumbass so who knows

 

Crossfire: Did Jack and Katherine use to date?

 

ResidentCryptid: I think maybe they did in high school? 

 

ResidentCryptid: Idk a lot of them went to high school together

 

ResidentCryptid: Like I think it’s just me, Sarah, Davey, Buttons, Smalls, and Specs who didn’t go to high school with everyone else

 

ResidentCryptid: Though it’s my thought that someone botched summoning a demon and got Mike and Ike on accident

 

iwannaflyaway: So were Jojo and Henry dating before they met Buttons?

 

ResidentCryptid: No actually I got to see those three get together

 

ResidentCryptid: It was awkward

 

ResidentCryptid: Like when two guys who clearly like each other keep saying “no homo” after everything

 

ThatGayOverThere: 👀

 

StuckOnYou: *cough cough* TB and Finch

 

iwannaflyaway: We were NOT that bad

 

Crossfire: “Wow Tommy, you got a nice ass no homo though” -Finch Cortes, December 13 2017

 

iwannaflyaway: I plead the 5th

 

Crossfire: That’s what I thought

 

I_will_eat_you: Aw babe you had a crush on me?

 

iwannaflyaway: No homo though 

 

I_will_eat_you: But full bromo right bro

 

iwannaflyaway: Of course bro! I love you bro no homo

 

I_will_eat_you: Aw bro! No homo bro

 

IliketheCRONCH: i hate you guys 

 

ResidentCryptid: Yeah you guys are gonna fit in just fine

 

Crossfire: I just pm-ed Jack and asked if Davey had any siblings and his response was “I am NOT falling for THAT again”

 

ThatGayOverThere: So he didn’t know before but he knows now

 

IliketheCRONCH: or he thinks that they’re not related and people are trying to prank him

 

ResidentCryptid: Could be either tbh

 

iwannaflyaway: Is that better or worse than the whole Taylor thing?

 

StuckOnYou: WE DONT HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE TAYLOR THING

 

Crossfire: ooOo tea!

 

I_will_eat_you: What's the Taylor thing

 

ThatGayOverThere: Well you see 

 

StuckOnYou: I hate you guys

 

iwannaflyaway: In high school Elmer has this crush on this girl who was a grade above us

 

ThatGayOverThere: But He also had a crush on a boy a grade above us

 

iwannaflyaway: He was very conflicted

 

ThatGayOverThere: Until one day

 

iwannaflyaway: He asked the girl out

 

StuckOnYou: Can’t we just end the story here?

 

IliketheCRONCH: No way El, I need to hear this 

 

ThatGayOverThere: But the boy showed up to the date

 

iwannaflyaway: So Elmer gets super embarrassed and thinks that they’re both trying to make fun of him

 

ThatGayOverThere: So he confronts the boy about it

 

iwannaflyaway: But it turns out the boy and the girl are the same genderfluid person

 

ThatGayOverThere: And they thought Elmer knew that

 

iwannaflyaway: And so Elmer DIED of embarrassment

 

ThatGayOverThere: The end

 

StuckOnYou: I truly hate you guys

 

ThatGayOverThere: Awww Ellyyyyyyyy

 

Crossfire: I can’t breath

 

ResidentCryptid: I think that might be worse than Jack

 

I_will_eat_you: Hey Blink, Spot is just a guy right? Nothing to confuse Elmer with

 

ResidentCryptid: Yep I think Elmer will recognize Spot as being the same person 100% of the time

 

StuckOnYou: Maybe the big chat will have people who are better friends to me

 

ThatGayOverThere: ❤️❤️❤️

Chapter Text

That’s So Gay

October 13th 3:59 pm

 

Disaster_Bi: @Sunshine, MomFriend, iwannaflyaway, IliketheCRONCH, One, Of, Each, ThatGayOverThere, ResidentCryptid, I_will_eat_you, Crossfire, let_me_leave_please, StuckOnYou, StraightWhiteBoi

 

Disaster_Bi: Y’all need better nicknames

 

I_will_eat_you: exCUSE ME?

 

MomFriend: Not this again, Jack.

 

StuckOnYou: Not what again?

 

Sunshine: Jack wants everyone to have their username be that alignment chart (you know the one)

 

Disaster_Bi: Actually Crutchie, this time I’m thinking the Edgy/Depressed/Dumbass X Bitch/Thot/Bastard alignment chart

 

Crossfire: @StuckOnYou is a Dumbass Thot

 

StuckOnYou: Well you’re an Edgy Bitch

 

Crossfire: Thank you

 

Crossfire changed their name to Edgy_Bitch

 

Edgy_Bitch changed StuckOnYou to Dumbass_Thot

 

Dumbass_Thot: Fuck you Snipes!

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Excuse me that’s my job

 

One changed their name to Edgy_Thot

 

Edgy_Thot changed Of to Depressed_Bastard

 

Edgy_Thot changed Each to Dumbass_Bitch

 

Dumbass_Bitch: I love it Jojo

 

IliketheCRONCH changed their name to Dumbass_Bastard

 

I_will_eat_you changed their name to Depressed_Thot

 

MomFriend: Hey Jack, you know this alignment chart only has nine options, and you tagged fourteen people as needing to change their names?

 

Disaster_Bi: Lawful/Neutral/Chaotic X Tired/Stupid/Nerd

 

Functional_Lesbian changed MomFriend to Lawful_Nerd

 

Disaster_Bi changed let_me_leave_please to Edgy_Bastard

 

Edgy_Bastard: no

 

Edgy_Bastard changed their name to spot_conlon

 

Disaster_Gay changed spot_conlon to edgy_bastard

 

Disaster_Gay: Respect his #aesthetic Jack

 

edgy_bastard: 🖕

 

Sunshine changed their name to Neutral_Tired

 

ThatGayOverThere changed Disaster_Gay to Chaotic_Stupid

 

Chaotic_Stupid: U wanna fight Albie

 

Chaotic_Stupid changed ThatGayOverThere to Lawful_Stupid

 

iwannaflyaway changed Dumbass_Thot to Neutral_Stupid

 

Neutral_Stupid: Well I like that better but why are you guys bullying me

 

edgy_bastard: dont worry elmer youre a cute stupid

 

Neutral_Stupid: :D

 

Neutral_Stupid: Wait

 

iwannaflyaway changed their name to Dumbass_Thot

 

Neutral_Stupid: You changed my name because you wanted it?

 

Dumbass_Thot: I want to match Tommy

 

Edgy_Bitch: Thot behaviour

 

StraightWhiteBoi changed their name to Chaotic_Tired

 

Functional_Bi changed their name to Lawful_Tired

 

Disaster_Bi: That just leaves Blink

 

Dumbass_Bastard changed ResidentCryptid to Chaotic_Nerd

 

Chapter Text

This Is HALLOWEEN

October 20th 2:58 am

 

Chaotic_Stupid: MOTHMAN

 

Disaster_Bi: Not again

 

Lawful_Stupid: There’s no need to feel down

 

Chaotic_Stupid: I said

 

Disaster_Bi: Shit theres two of them

 

Neutral_Stupid: MOTHMAN

 

Disaster_Bi: No Elmer not you too

 

Lawful_Stupid: Pick that man off the ground

 

Chaotic_Stupid: I said

 

Lawful_Stupid: MOTHMAN

 

Neutral_Stupid: Swing your new friend around

 

Disaster_Bi: I hate all three of you

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Cuz it fun 

 

Lawful_Stupid: To

 

Neutral_Stupid: Swing 

 

Chaotic_Stupid: A

 

Neutral_Stupid: Hu

 

edgy_bastard: man

 

Chaotic_Stupid: !!!

 

Disaster_Bi: BETRAYED

 

edgy_bastard: what can i say i have to support my neutral stupid boyfriend

 

Neutral_Stupid: 💖💖💖

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Awww Spottie has feelings

 

edgy_bastard: i will hurt you

 

Lawful_Stupid: Most of those feelings are anger


This Is HALLOWEEN

October 20th 3:14 pm

 

Disaster_Bi: I currently have seven empty sketchbooks and no clue what to put in them

 

Disaster_Bi: Any suggestions?

 

Lawful_Stupid: Put spaghetti in it

 

Disaster_Bi: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except for you

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Put spaghetti in it

 

Disaster_Bi: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except for you two

 

Neutral_Stupid: Put spaghetti in it

 

Disaster_Bi: I am no longer taking suggestions

 

edgy_bastard: i dont know why youre asking for suggestions we all know that youre going to sketch a lot of davey a lot of crutchie a little bit of katherine and at least one of the rest of us to make yourself seem less sad and piney

 

Disaster_Bi: I am NOT pining

 

Functional_Lesbian: Jack’s pining after Kath?

 

edgy_bastard: no he just seems like he is because he likes to draw her

 

Disaster_Bi: SHES GOT REALLY NICE FACIAL FEATURES NO HETERO

 

Distinguished_Bi: Why thank you, Jack. My father paid good money for this face.

 

Chaotic_Tired: 0:

 

Lawful_Tired: :0

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Really?

 

Distinguished_Bi: No. It was a joke. I am all natural

 

Functional_Lesbian: 😘


This Is HALLOWEEN

October 20th 6:23 pm

 

Disaster_Bi: What should I eat for dinner?

 

Neutral_Stupid: Eat the spaghetti from your sketchbook

 

Disaster_Bi removed Neutral_Stupid from the chat

 

Disaster_Bi: Anyone else?

 

Lawful_Stupid: Hmm

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Um…

 

Disaster_Bi: Yes?

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Eat the spaghetti

 

Disaster_Bi removed Chaotic_Stupid from the chat

 

Lawful_Stupid: From your sketchbook

 

Disaster_Bi removed Lawful_Stupid from the chat 

 

Chapter Text

This Is HALLOWEEN

October 21st 8:24 am

 

edgy_bastard added Neutral_Stupid to the chat

 

edgy_bastard added Lawful_Stupid to the chat


This Is HALLOWEEN

October 21st 10:56 am

 

Lawful_Stupid added Chaotic_Stupid to the chat

 

Chaotic_Stupid : The best part of having a boyfriend is having someone remember to add me back to the chat

 

Lawful_Stupid: 💜💜💜

 

Chaotic_Stupid: 😘😘😘

 

Lawful_Stupid: 💕💕💕

 

Depressed_Thot: Gay

 

Chapter Text

This Is HALLOWEEN

October 29th 12:28 pm

 

Dumbass_Thot: So what is everyone doing for Halloween?

 

Lawful_Nerd: Halloween is on Wednesday.

 

Dumbass_Thot: Thanks Davey I had no idea

 

Lawful_Nerd: I just mean that we can’t just spend all night partying, we have school on Thursday.

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Who cares

 

Dumbass_Thot: Who cares?

 

Lawful_Stupid: wHo CaReS

 

Lawful_Tired: wHO CARES???

 

Disaster_Pan: No one

 

Disaster_Pan: No one cares Davey 

 

Disaster_Bi: Y’all wanna have a party?

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Y’all 

 

Distinguished_Bi: y’all 

 

Neutral_Tired: Y’all 

 

Depressed_Thot: Y’all

 

Disaster_Bi: Ok Ok I get it Can we move on

 

Dumbass_Bastard: no

 

Disaster_Bi: Fine then y’all’re officially uninvited to my Halloween party

 

Disaster_Pan: Y’all’re

 

Functional_Lesbian: Y’all’re

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Y’all’re

 

Neutral_Stupid: Y’all’re

 

Disaster_Bi has left the chat

 

edgy_bastard: good

 

Neutral_Tired: Babe no!

 

Neutral_Tired added Disaster_Bi to the chat

 

Edgy_Thot: So party on Wednesday?

 

Lawful_Nerd: It’s a school night

 

Dumbass_Bastard: we already decided that we don’t care

 

Functional_Lesbian: Yeah David, keep up!

 

Functional_Gay: It’s only one night Davey, it’ll be fine

 

Lawful_Stupid: Unless you have a test the next day

 

Lawful_Nerd: DO YOU HAVE A TEST THE NEXT DAY??

 

Lawful_Stupid: No, Davey chill

 

Chaotic_Tired: We should watch Halloween movies

 

Depressed_Bastard: Or we could just watch LotR again

 

Chaotic_Stupid: No we should watch horror movies

 

Neutral_Stupid: CHARLIE BROWN

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Nightmare Before Christmas duh

 

Depressed_Bastard: Isn’t that a Christmas movie?

 

Lawful_Stupid: Watch it on Thanksgiving because most of it takes place BETWEEN Halloween and Christmas

 

Functional_Lesbian: Ah yes, the perfect Thanksgiving movie

 

Edgy_Thot: If your costume game is not on point then we can’t be friends anymore

 

Edgy_Thot: Sorry I don't make the rules

 

Chaotic_Stupid: My costume will b the scariest thing I can think of 

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Smalls’s face

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Time to throw down!

 

Disaster_Lesbian: 5pm behind the PAC

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Bring a spoon

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Ur on

 

Dumbass_Bastard: what's the spoon for?

 

Disaster_Pan: For a spoon fight Mush gawd

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Yeah keep up would u

 

Functional_Lesbian: If anyone receives a University Alert about a spoon fight you’ll know what’s up

 

Disaster_Pan: I can see it now ‘Campus police are currently searching for two suspects believed to have been having a spoon fight behind the PAC @ 5pm. The suspects are reported to be a twenty-foot-tall blond man estimated early twenties, and a two-inch-tall woman with dark hair late teens to early twenties. If you have any information about the suspects please contact University Police. Thank you’

 

Disaster_Lesbian: …

 

Disaster_Lebian: Did you really just write up an official looking University Alert just to make fun of my height???

 

Chaotic_Stupid: And mine???

 

Dumbass_Thot: Dedication to the BURN

 

Disaster_Bi: If Smalls is 2 inches tall then how tall is Spot?

 

edgy_bastard: tall enough to punch you in the dick

 

Distinguished_Bi: Guys gals and non-binary pals we have, as usual, gotten off topic and dangerously close to murder

 

Neutral_Tired: What's the topic?

 

Functional_Gay: What movies are we going to watch on Halloween

 

Chaotic_Nerd: Can I make a suggestion without being called a cryptid

 

Distinguished_Bi: No

 

Disaster_Bi: CRyptid!

 

Depressed_Bastard: CRYPTID!!

 

Edgy_Thot: cRYPTID!!!!

 

Distinguished_Bi: Ok now you may continue

 

Chaotic_Nerd: Thank

 

Chaotic_Nerd: My suggestion is we put all the movie options in a hat and draw randomly

 

Disaster_Pan: Oh that’s actually a good idea

 

Chaotic_Nerd: Thank

 

Functional_Lesbian: How many movies are we watching?

 

Lawful_Stupid: As many as we can 

 

Chaotic_Stupid: All night no sleep

 

Lawful_Nerd: We have class the next day!

 

Dumbass_Bastard: Davey we don’t c a r e

 

Disaster_Lesbian: A l l  n i g h t  n o  s l e e p

 

Functional_Gay: It’s just one night Davey

 

Neutral_Tired: It’ll be fine Dave ❤️

 

Neutral_Tired: You can go to bed whenever you want and the rest of us will just suffer the next day

 

Lawful_Nerd: Fine. 

 

Disaster_Bi: Eh! Party!

 

Chapter Text

This Is HALLOWEEN

October 31st 11:25 am

 

Edgy_Thot: More people need to wear Halloween costumes to class

 

Chaotic_Tired: EXACTLY!! It’s Halloween people! Where’s your ghostly spirit???

 

Neutral_Stupid: Get spoopy people!

 

Neutral_Tired: My costume is a homicidal maniac

 

Lawful_Nerd: How is that a homicidal maniac?

 

Neutral_Tired: They look just like everyone else Davey

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Hey when does the party start?

 

Depressed_Bastard: Also where is it?

 

Distinguished_Bi: I thought we already went over that the party is at Jack, Crutchie, and Davey’s place

 

Depressed_Bastard: Oh that was a definite decision?

 

Neutral_Tired: Yeah, this way Davey can get his 8 hours of sleep, Jack and I have a bed to go to when we’re tired, and the rest of you can die on the floor where you belong 😁

 

Lawful_Tired: Sometimes Crutchie says really dark things and it creeps me out

 

Chaotic_Tired: Maybe the homicidal maniac isn’t a costume at all

 

Neutral_Tired: 😁

 

Disaster_Pan: Crutchie is ready to commit Homie-cide


This Is HALLOWEEN

October 31st 2:46 pm

 

Dumbass_Bitch: No one ever answered my question

 

Edgy_Bitch: What question?

 

Dumbass_Bitch: When’s the party???

 

Neutral_Tired: Well I’m done with classes already so we can start now if you want 

 

Dumbass_Bitch: My class ends in a minute, then I’ll make my way over

 

Disaster_Pan: Wait for me Buttons! I’m almost done

 

Edgy_Bitch: Same

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Ok I’ll meet you guys in front of the library

 

Neutral_Tired: Everyone else can come over whenever they want


This Is HALLOWEEN

October 31st 4:08 pm

 

Dumbass_Thot: Hey where do Jack Davey and Crutchie live?

 

Lawful_Stupid: I know where

 

Dumbass_Bastard: no he really doesn’t 

 

Lawful_Stupid: I KNOW WHERE WERE GOING MUSH

 

Dumbass_Bastard: nO YOU FUCKING DONT

 

Disaster_Bi: Are you guys lost?

 

Lawful_Stupid: NO

 

Dumbass_Bastard: yES

 

edgy_bastard: where are you guys ill come get you 

 

Dumbass_Bastard: thank you

 

Lawful_Stupid: I KNOW WHERE WERE GOING

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Is that y u guys arent here yet

 

Dumbass_Bastard: oh wait never mind Spot, we’re here

 

Lawful_Stupid: I told you I knew where we were going

 

Dumbass_Thot: None of this helps me

 

Lawful_Stupid: Eleven up and one over you simple bitch

 

Dumbass_Thot: ...is it actually???

 

Edgy_Bitch: Shit it really is

 

Neutral_Stupid: It’s a grid system mothafucka

 

Edgy_Thot: Wow

 

Edgy_Thot: Convenient 

 

Dumbass_Thot: Are Tommy and I the only ones not there yet?

 

Disaster_Bi: We’re still waiting on Kath and Sarah who are bringing the candy and Mike and Ike who are bringing the pizzas

 

Chaotic_Tired: The perks of having a family owned pizza shop

 

Neutral_Tired: Get here soon. The next movie is Addams Family Values

 

Functional_Gay: I was on the Telephone with Blockbuster Video

 

Disaster_Lesbian: Which is a very old fashioned thing to say

 

Functional_Lesbian: DO NOT START ADDAMS FAMILY WITHOUT US!!!!

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Wednesday’s at that age when she only has one thing on her mind

 

Depressed_Bastard: Boys?

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Homicide

 

Edgy_Bitch: Bitch me too

 

Neutral_Tired: That’s such a mood ☺️

 

Chaotic_Tired: 😧

 

Dumbass_Thot: A child dressed as Captain America ran up to us and asked for candy and Tommy yelled “be gone thot!”

 

Disaster_Pan: Bold words coming from someone whose username calls him a thot

 

Functional_Gay: Why did he call a child a thot

 

Depressed_Thot: She startled me

 

Dumbass_Thot: We could clearly see her approaching us. He pointed her out because she was dressed as Captain America

 

Depressed_Thot: Children freak me out ok

 

Dumbass_Thot: The girl responded “whatever dick” and kicked him in the shin

 

Lawful_Stupid: Classic

 

Disaster_Bi: @Distinguished_Bi, Functional_Lesbian, Dumbass_Thot, Depressed_Thot are you guys almost here? Mike and Ike just got here with the pizzas

 

Depressed_Thot: We’re a block away

 

Functional_Lesbian: We just parked

 

Distinguished_Bi: Can you guys help us with the candy

 

Dumbass_Thot: No prob

 

Depressed_Thot: Well shit I hope you guys like cavities O_O

 

Neutral_Tired: Kath’s rich

 

Chaotic_Stupid: She buys us the good good

 

Lawful_Nerd: No

 

Chaotic_Stupid: That dank grass

 

Lawful_Nerd: Stop

 

Chaotic_Stupid: The old Mary Jane

 

Dumbass_Bastard: Katherine brought weed?

 

Functional_Gay: No, Race is just trying to annoy Davey

 

Chaotic_Stupid: I dont need kath to bring me weed I already have some on me

 

Lawful_Nerd: Racetrack Higgins if you even THINK about smoking in my apartment

 

Lawful_Stupid: Chill Davey, we’re gonna smoke on your fire escape

 

Lawful_Nerd: Bold of you to assume I won’t lock you out there. 

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Bold of U to assume that we WONT shout bloody murder for all of ur neighbors to hear if you lock us out there

 

Lawful_Nerd: ...touché 


This Is HALLOWEEN

November 1st 6:31 am

 

Lawful_Nerd: Good morning everyone in my living room. I hope you all had a good time last night because there are still classes today, and if anyone is still here when I get back from mine then they will learn just how much I don’t care about their hangover that I warned them about.

 

Distinguished_Bi: 🖕🖕🖕

 

Distinguished_Bi renamed the chat All Hallows Hangover

 

Chapter Text

All Hallows Hangover

November 2nd 5:02 pm

 

Disaster_Bi: So when should we have another party?

 

Neutral_Tired: Tomorrow

 

Disaster_Pan: Today

 

Edgy_Thot: Right now

 

Disaster_Lesbian: 15 minutes ago

 

Dumbass_Thot: I’m actually pulling up to your building right now

 

Lawful_Stupid: I’m actually in your apartment right now

 

edgy_bastard: im already drunk

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Im already hungover 

 

Disaster_Bi: Ha ha ha

 

Disaster_Bi: We’ll go with Crutchies suggestion and have a party tomorrow 

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Ok but ur out of booze rn

 

Disaster_Bi: No we’re not I just bought some yesterday

 

Neutral_Tired: Jack just screamed 

 

Lawful_Nerd: He left the bedroom to check how much alcohol we have, and then he screamed.

 

Lawful_Stupid: Oh yeah, that’s cuz he didn’t believe me when I said I was in your apartment

 

Lawful_Nerd: WHAT!?

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Yeah the party is now bitch

 

Neutral_Tired: Just to get everyone up to date, Albert, Race, Spot, and Elmer are all in my apartment right now

 

Distinguished_Bi: How did they get in your apartment without you knowing?

 

Edgy_Bitch: Albert has a key

 

Lawful_Stupid: I have a key

 

Functional_Gay: How do you have a key??

 

Dumbass_Thot: Albert has keys to everyone’s place

 

Dumbass_Bastard: he’s a chaotic good entity

 

Dumbass_Thot: Just accept it and let it happen

 

Neutral_Stupid: I once woke up one morning to find that he had baked cookies in my apartment

 

Neutral_Stupid: He used my own ingredients, but he left me the cookies

 

edgy_bastard: wtf al

 

Lawful_Stupid: Couldn’t sleep. Was bored. Didn’t have my own ingredients. Went to El’s

 

Disaster_Bi: Someone is knocking on the door and if its Finch Im gonna fucking scream

 

Chaotic_Stupid: y tf r u screaming Jack I told u that I have a hangover 

 

Dumbass_Bitch: What is going on

 

Lawful_Nerd: Albert, Race, Spot, Elmer, Finch, and Tommy Boy are all in our apartment now, so I guess we’re having a party now. Can someone please bring alcohol, Spot and Race already drank all of ours?

 

Disaster_Pan: PARTY TIME

 

Edgy_Thot: I told you that we should have a party now

 

Functional_Lesbian: We’ll be there soon, David. Katherine will buy some booze

 

Lawful_Nerd: Thank you.

 

Depressed_Bastard: Thanks Kath

 

Lawful_Tired: Mike and I will bring some pizzas

 

Lawful_Tired: And I’m bringing my boyfriend. Ok see you guys soon. Bye

 

Disaster_Pan: Wait wut?

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Ike has a boyfriend???

 

Chaotic_Stupid: SINCE WHEN!?!?

 

Edgy_Bitch: Smalls and I will bring obscene amounts of discount Halloween candy

 

Neutral_Tired: Ok Sniper but can we focus on Ike

 

Chaotic_Tired: We’ll be over soon just chill out

 

Chaotic_Tired: Also don’t we still have a lot of the candy Kath bought for Halloween??? Do we really need more???

 

Disaster_Lesbian: We do at these prices

 

Chaotic_Stupid: CaN wE FocUs oN IKe tHoUgH

 

Chaotic_Tired: How come no one ever wants to focus on me

 

Depressed_Bastard: Do you have a girlfriend?

 

Chaotic_Tired: No

 

Dumbass_Bitch: Do you have any major life events that you want to talk about?

 

Chaotic_Tired: ...no

 

Edgy_Thot: Good talk Mike. Now let’s discuss Ike

 

Chaotic_Tired: Nah

 

Chaotic_Stupid: Bitch

 

All Hallows Hangover

November 2nd 6:39 pm

 

Lawful_Tired added KenKen to the chat

 

KenKen: Sup beeches

 

Lawful_Tired renamed the chat Mike Is Single XP

 

Chaotic_Tired: 🖕

 

Chapter Text

Mike Is Single XP

November 4th 3:21 pm

 

Functional_Lesbian: I’m tired of this

 

Functional_Lesbian changed their name to WhoIsShe

 

Distinguished_Bi changed their name to A_Goddess

 

WhoIsShe: Nice

 

A_Goddess: 😘

 

Disaster_Bi: Aw but the alignment charts

 

Neutral_Tired: Sorry Jack

 

Neutral_Tired changed their name to Crutch_This

 

Crutch_This changed Disaster_Bi to BestBi

 

BestBi: Aw thanks babe

 

Dumbass_Thot changed their name to TweetyBirb

 

A_Goddess: I thought I was the best bi???

 

Crutch_This: You changed your name to A Goddess… I think you can let my boyfriend have this

 

A_Goddess: You’re right Crutch. Jack you can be the best bi

 

Chaotic_Stupid changed their name to GreasedLightning

 

edgy_bastard changed their name to spot_conlon

 

GreasedLightning changed spot_conlon to the_ spot_conlon

 

the_spot_conlon: why cant you ever let me be

 

GreasedLightning: 😜

 

Disaster_Pan changed their name to HO-meo

 

BestBi changed Lawful_Nerd to WalkingMouth

 

WalkingMouth: I had really thought we had moved on from this

 

the_spot_conlon: never mouth

 

Edgy_Bitch changed their name to BitchUThought

 

Dumbass_Bastard changed their name to MonsterMush

 

WhoIsShe: I started a trend 😁

 

Crutch_This: Monster Mush?

 

MonsterMush: 🎶they did the Mush. they did the Monster Mush. the Monster Mush!🎶

 

Crutch_This: OOoo nice! I like it

 

Chaotic_Nerd changed their name to BlinkityBlink

 

BestBi: CRYPTID

 

WhoIsShe: Cryptid!

 

GreasedLightning: cRyPtId!!1!

 

MonsterMush: oMG a cryptid

 

BlinkityBlink: We’re breaking up

 

MonsterMush: 😧

 

BlinkityBlink: Nah you’re too cute

 

MonsterMush: 😄

 

Functional_Gay changed their name to Just_Specs-ulations

 

Chaotic_Tired changed their name to Ben

 

Lawful_Tired changed their name to Jerry

 

Dumbass_Bitch changed their name to ButtonsUpBitches

 

Depressed_Bastard changed their name to Pastrami_On_Rye

 

Edgy_Thot changed their name to SpellMyNameIDareU

 

Ben: I wouldn’t take that dare

 

GreasedLightning: Joey Jorge

 

SpellMyNameIDareU removed GreasedLightning from the chat

 

Lawful_Stupid added GreasedLightning to the chat

 

GreasedLightning: Thnx Albie!!

 

Lawful_Stupid changed their name to AlbieQuiet

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: Is it a pun on “I’ll be quiet” or “Al be quiet”?

 

AlbieQuiet: Yes

 

Disaster_Lesbian changed their name to smolbean

 

KenKen: I’m just gonna keep my name

 

Just_Specs-ulations: That’s fair

 

Neutral_Stupid changed their name to UseTape

 

Depressed_Thot changed their name to Thomas_Man

 

Thomas_Man: Why did we all just change our names?

 

HO-meo: Cuz Sarah was tired of her name and we’re all just a bunch of codependent lemmings

 

WalkingMouth: It’s true.

 

AlbieQuiet: Who’s in charge here???

 

GreasedLightning: Usually just whoever yells the loudest!!!

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: *Screams to establish dominance*

 

BitchUThought: *Screams back*

 

Crutch_This: *Everyone starts making dramatic velociraptor noises because we’re all just lemmings*

 

WhoIsShe: *Velociraptor noises*

 

smolbean: *Velociraptor noises*

 

MonsterMush: *Velociraptor noises*

 

ButtonsUpBitches: *Velociraptor noises*

 

A_Goddess: *Velociraptor noises*

 

TweetyBirb: *Velociraptor noises*

 

Jerry: *Velociraptor noises*

 

UseTape: *Velociraptor noises*

 

the_spot_conlon: jack just made actual velociraptor noises and mama told him to shut the fuck up

 

Crutch_This: Can confirm that he did in fact start screeching in Medda’s living room and she did in fact yell at him

 

A_Goddess: Oh Jack

 

BestBi: I WAS EXCITED

 

Chapter Text

Mike Is Single XP

November 10th 9:35 am

 

WhoIsShe : GUYS SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY APARTMENT LAST NIGHT!!!!

 

KenKen : Oh shit are you alright??

 

WhoIsShe : Yeah I’m fine other than my emotional distress

 

KenKen : How can you tell that someone broke in?

 

WhoIsShe : Everything is in a different place than it was when I went to bed

 

WhoIsShe : Guys I’m crying someone was in my apartment while I was asleep

 

the_spot_conlon : im coming over

 

WhoIsShe : Thank you Spot

 

BestBi : Were coming over too Sarah its ok

 

Crutch_This : Where’s Kath?

 

WhoIsShe : She spend the night at her parent’s house. I’m alone

 

WakingMouth : Ok Sarah, do you think that someone is still in your apartment?

 

WhoIsShe : I don’t know, but I haven’t heard anything move

 

WhoIsShe : OH MY GOD WHAT IF SOMEONES IN MY APARTMENT

 

the_spot_conlon : buzz me in sarah im outside

 

WhoIsShe : Thank god

 

WalkingMouth : We just got here, Sarah. Buzz us in.

 

ButtonsUpBitches : OMG Sarah are you Ok???

 

KenKen : Is anything missing?

 

Just_Specs-ulations : If no one responds soon I’m going to have to assume that someone killed Sarah Spot Jack Crutchie and Davey

 

WhoIsShe : We’re fine

 

WhoIsShe : Spot and Jack have searched the entire apartment and no one else is here

 

Crutch_This : Weve also looked through the apartment and nothing valuable is missing

 

BestBi : And less valuable things are also here

 

WhoIsShe : On a side note, Jack is really good at remembering small details

 

WalkingMouth : It’s the artist in him. 

 

ButtonsUpBitches : So nothing’s missing?

 

the_spot_conlon : no nothing missing

 

ButtonsUpBitches : So how can you tell someone was there

 

WhoIsShe : Everything is cleaner than it was last night

 

WhoIsShe : I left all my dinner dishes sitting around, and now they’ve been cleaned and put away 

 

Just_Specs-ulations : So someone came into your apartment, cleaned it, took nothing, and left?

 

BestBi : Thats what it looks like

 

A_Goddess : I just woke up, are you ok Sarah?

 

WhoIsShe : I think I’ve lost ten years from my life, but I’m ok Kath

 

A_Goddess : I’m on my way, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there last night!

 

WhoIsShe : No it’s cool

 

WhoIsShe : You didn’t know someone would break in

 

A_Goddess : Is anything broken?

 

the_spot_conlon : no and theres no evidence to suggest the lock was picked

 

TweetyBirb : Hey sorry for being like an hour late to the party but I think I know what happened and I’d just like to apologize for your distress

 

TweetyBirb : I didn’t do anything but I’m apologizing anyway

 

A_Goddess : What do you mean, Finch?

 

TweetyBirb : Is there anything missing from your fridge?

 

WalkingMouth : Does this seem like the time for being vague, Finch?

 

TweetyBirb : I just want to make sure before I say anything

 

TweetyBirb : Now is there anything missing from the fridge? Like some leftovers or sandwich fixins or something like that?

 

WhoIsShe : I think we had some leftover Pad Thai that’s gone now

 

TweetyBirb : Ok so remember when we said that Albert is a chaotic good entity that has keys to everyone’s apartment?

 

BestBi : Are you telling us that Albert came into Kath and Sarahs apartment in the middle of the night, cleaned it, ate their leftovers, and left???

 

TweetyBirb : It definitely fits his MO

 

TweetyBirb : Hang on I’ll try to wake him up 

 

A_Goddess : How does Albert even know where we live!?!?

 

WhoIsShe : Even though it makes me feel better knowing who was in my apartment I’m still not ok with him just letting himself in

 

A_Goddess : Ditto

 

TweetyBirb : K he’s not answering so I’m gonna try Mush

 

MonsterMush : don’t bother I’m not home

 

UseTape : He’s asleep on my couch I’ll go wake him up

 

AlbieQuiet : I’m here

 

WhoIsShe : WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME INTO MY APARTMENT

 

WhoIsShe : If you ever do that again I’ll fucking kill you

 

AlbieQuiet : Sorry I didn’t think to ask if it was ok

 

A_Goddess : Well you should! It’s rude and creepy to enter someone’s apartment without telling them while they’re asleep!!

 

AlbieQuiet : I won’t do it again I swear

 

the_spot_conlon : why did you even go to sarah and kaths

 

AlbieQuiet : Couldn’t sleep. Was bored. Was in the neighborhood.

 

AlbieQuiet : I won’t do it again

 

AlbieQuiet : How about we just go over who doesn’t want me to ever let myself into their place right now

 

A_Goddess : We’re not ok with you letting yourself in

 

the_spot_conlon : if you are ever in my house in the middle of the night i will actually kill you

 

AlbieQuiet : Gotcha

 

KenKen : Man if you clean in the middle of the night like an elf then you’re always welcome to come to my place

 

KenKen : I’m sure my roommates won’t mind

 

AlbieQuiet : 👉👉

 

MonsterMush : He only cleans if your place is dirty. If it’s clean then he usually bakes

 

UseTape : It’s like trick-or-treating

 

UseTape : If your place is dirty then he’ll clean it and if it’s clean he bakes

 

UseTape : Those are the treats

 

UseTape : If your place is clean, but you have no ingredients for baking then he’ll set up some dumb elaborate prank

 

TweetyBirb : PSA if you let him in your apartment always have stuff for baking

 

TweetyBirb : You do NOT want one of his pranks

 

BitchUThought : I can still hear the sound of a thousand Rick Astleys

 

AlbieQuiet : That was a good one 

 

Crutch_This : What did he do?

 

BitchUThought : It’s still too soon

 

TweetyBirb : Suffice to say he was never gonna give her up

 

MonsterMush : this is why I live with him. He won’t prank me he’ll just go to someone else’s place

 

UseTape : This is why I always keep and excess of baking supplies

 

Thomas_Man : Two kinds of people

 

GreasedLightning : Just throw dirt everywhere before you go to bed at night

 

SpellMyNameIDareU : Three kinds

 

Chapter Text

Mike Is Single XP

November 13th 11:06 am

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Are we having Friendsgiving this year?

 

WhoIsShe: Oh yeah! I forgot about that

 

BestBi: When do we want to have it?

 

HO-meo: I have a show on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday work for me

 

WalkingMouth: I have to work on Sunday, but Saturday works for me

 

GreasedLightning: Albie and I have a show on saturday

 

KenKen: Do you guys really think you can find one day that will work for 23 people???

 

A_Goddess: We all got together for Halloween. What makes Friendsgiving any different?

 

Crutch_This: So If this weekend doesn’t work what about next weekend

 

WalkingMouth: Next weekend is Thanksgiving. 

 

ButtonsUpBitches: I’ll be out of town next weekend

 

GreasedLightning: Same

 

A_Goddess: Same

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: I won’t be out of town, but my family will all be over all weekend

 

Ben: So Thanksgiving weekend is bad

 

Thomas_Man: I have a question

 

Crutch_This: About what?

 

Thomas_Man: What's Friendsgiving?

 

GreasedLightning: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHATS FRIENDSGIVING???

 

HO-meo: Haven't you ever seen FRIENDS???

 

Jerry: What do you guys usually do for thanksgiving?

 

TweetyBirb: I assume you’re not asking what we do with our families

 

smolbean: They don’t celebrate Friendsgiving 

 

AlbieQuiet: I feel like we’re being judged

 

GreasedLightning: Only a little bit babe

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: Friendsgiving is a magical time where we all get together and have dinner together

 

Thomas_Man: We’ve done that before. We did it like two weeks ago

 

BestBi: Not like that! Friendsgiving is more like a formal dinner where you pretend to be functioning adults even though you aren’t 

 

WhoIsShe: It’s a potluck though, everyone brings what they can

 

AlbieQuiet: Sounds like a lot of work

 

A_Goddess: It’s fun though

 

Just_Specs-ulations: we still need a date

 

Ben: What about the weekend after Thanksgiving?

 

A_Goddess: In free that entire weekend

 

BestBi: Same

 

GreasedLightning: Same

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: Same

 

HO-meo: So Friday November 30th for Friendsgiving then?

 

ButtonsUpBitches: Yep

 

Thomas_Man: Ok I guess

 

WalkingMouth: Ok, according to the chart this year is Hogwarts themed so what is everyone’s Hogwarts house?

 

TweetyBirb: There’s a THEME???

 

AlbieQuiet: This Friendsgiving thing sounds complicated

 

WhoIsShe: We like to do themes, I don’t think other people really do though

 

UseTape: IM A HUFFLEPUFF 

 

Crutch_This: Same

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: Same

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: Same

 

MonsterMush: same

 

KenKen: I’m afraid of ghosts

 

HO-meo: And sheets with holes in them 

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: And regular sheets

 

AlbieQuiet: What?

 

Crutch_This: Have you never seen that video???

 

AlbieQuiet: No

 

KenKen: If you google “I’m a Hufflepuff” it’s the first thing to pop up

 

GreasedLightning: I think ur a hufflepuff Albie

 

AlbieQuiet: Ok?

 

GreasedLightning: What do you think?

 

AlbieQuiet: I dunno I’m not really that into Harry Potter

 

HO-meo: BLASPHEMY!!!

 

WhoIsShe: We’ll fix that

 

WhoIsShe: I’m a Ravenclaw 🦅

 

WalkingMouth: Ravenclaw. 

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Ravenclaw

 

BestBi: GRYFFINDOR 

 

GreasedLightning: ^^🦁

 

ButtonsUpBitches: ^^🦁

 

Ben: ^^🦁

 

smolbean: ^^🦁

 

Thomas_Man: My sister says I’m a Gryffindor so I guess I’ll just go with that

 

A_Goddess: I’m a Slytherin, obviously

 

BitchUThought: Same

 

TweetyBirb: I think I’m a Slytherin

 

Jerry: Hiss hiss muddafuka 🐍

 

WalkingMouth: We’re still missing Spot and Blink. 

 

the_spot_conlon: i was gonna say gryffindor but i dont want to be in the same house as jack

 

BestBi: Rude!

 

BeatBi: I thought we were brothers :(

 

MonsterMush: Blink is either a Slytherin or a Ravenclaw

 

WalkingMouth: I’ll mark him as Ravenclaw since they have the least people

 

A_Goddess: Great! Hogwarts themed Friendsgiving on November 30th!

 

HO-meo: Is there not a Hufflepuff emoji?

 

UseTape: There’s a badger emoji, but it’s ugly

 

Chapter Text

Mike Is Single

November 26th 9:12 am

 

BestBi: I thought of something last night

 

GreasedLightning: Is that what that smell was?

 

BestBi: Rude

 

BestBi: Anyway

 

BestBi: So you know that John Mulaney bit where he talks about crazy people saying stuff 

 

WhoIsShe: Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs?

 

BestBi: No the duck one

 

HO-meo: Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet 🦆

 

BestBi: Yeah that one 

 

BestBi: Anyway so the guy who said that I think John said his name was mr finch

 

the_spot_conlon: is there a point here

 

BestBi: Finch 

 

UseTape: @TweetyBirb 👀

 

TweetyBirb: Are you asking me if I’m an old eccentric rich man who was once John Mulaney’s boss???

 

WhoIsShe: 👀

 

UseTape: 👀

 

HO-meo: 👀

 

BestBi: 👀

 

GreasedLightning: Wow jack finally learned how to use emojis

 

BestBi: 🖕


Mike Is Single XP

November 16th 1:30 pm

 

KenKen: Whenever I see a post about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete their joke

 

GreasedLightning: Ok but whats updog?

 

Crutch_This: Updog is a sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, onion, and/or relish

 

smolbean: No that’s a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released

 

HO-meo: You’re thinking of an update. Updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: No that’s uptalk. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden

 

MonsterMush: surely that’s Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter

 

Just_Specs-ulations: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs

 

WalkingMouth: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

 

AlbieQuiet: No that’s an updraft. Updog isn't a noun at all, it’s a verb. It basically means to chew someone out or harshly lecture them

 

UseTape: No that’s upbraid. An updog is a small dog that likes cuddling in people’s laps

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: No that’s a puppy dog. An updog is when the Mets win

 

BitchUThought: No that’s an upset. An updog is the modern version of a henway

 

BestBi: Whats a henway?

 

Thomas_Man: Oh, about 5 pounds

 

TweetyBird: GOTTEM

 

ButtonsUpBitches: This chat pushed me down the stairs and stole my firstborn child

 

BestBi: You come into MY house

 

A_Goddess: I’m DYING


Blaze It

November 16th 4:20 pm

 

GreasedLightning: Blaze it

 

HO-meo: Blaze it

 

AlbieQuiet: Blaze it

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: Blaze it

 

TweetyBirb: Blaze it

 

HO-meo: Good job boys

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: 😒

 

HO-meo: Good job my home skillets

 

GreasedLightning: Ur the only skillet here

 

HO-meo: Elaborate? 

 

GreasedLightning: Pan

 

HO-meo: I guess I just walked into that one

 

Chapter Text

Mike Is Single

November 19th 1:21 pm

 

ButtonsUpBitches: 👁

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: ❤️

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: 🐑

 

ButtonsUpBitches: 🥰

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: 😘

 

HO-meo: 🤮

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: 🖕

 

HO-meo: 👻

 

Just_Specs-ulations: ❤️🌹

 

HO-meo: 😍❣️

 

GreasedLightning: 👬🤭

 

AlbieQuiet: 😘😘😘

 

GreasedLightning: 🥰🥰🥰

 

AlbieQuiet: 💜💜💜

 

GreasedLightning: 💖💖💖

 

Crutch_This: 👁❤️🤠➕🤓

 

BestBi: 🆒

 

Crutch_This: 🤨

 

BestBi: ❤️

 

Crutch_This: ❤️

 

WalkingMouth: 🤓❓❓

 

Crutch_This: 🐑

 

WalkingMouth: ❓

 

BestBi: 📖❓

 

Crutch_This: 👨🏻‍💼❓

 

WalkingMouth: 👨🏻‍💼✔️

 

GreasedLightning: 🙋🏼‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️🤦🏻☝️

 

BestBi: 🤡☝️

 

GreasedLightning: 👈🤴🏼

 

the_spot_conlon: 💩☝️

 

GreasedLightning: 👋🔴

 

the_spot_conlon: 🔪

 

GreasedLightning: 😮

 

A_Goddess: 👈👩🏻‍🦰

 

WhoIsShe: 👈💃🏻

 

Crutch_This: 👈🔆

 

AlbieQuiet: 👈👨🏼‍🦰

 

ButtonsUpBitches: 👈🧕🏼

 

TweetyBirb: 👈🐦

 

smolbean: 👈🦄

 

MonsterMush: 👈🧟

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: 👈🥪

 

UseTape: 👈❓

 

MonsterMush: ☝️🧸

 

UseTape: 😁

 

KenKen: 👈🙊

 

Jerry: 👈🙉

 

Ben: 👈🙈

 

HO-meo: 👈🌹

 

BitchUThought: 👈🎯

 

Just_Specs-ulations: 👈🤓

 

Thomas_Man: 👈🕴🏻

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: 👈🐳

 

BlinkityBlink: 👈🧚🏼‍♂️

 

BestBi: 😮‼️

 

HO-meo: 😮‼️

 

TweetyBirb: 😮‼️

 

A_Goddess: 😮‼️

 

BlinkityBlink: 😑

 

Just_Specs-ulations: 🎟🎥🕠❓

 

AlbieQuiet: 🙋‍♂️

 

GreasedLightning: 😎

 

HO-meo: 👍

 

Crutch_This: 🙋🏼‍♂️

 

smolbean: 🤷‍♀️

 

Jerry:  🍴❓

 

HO-meo: 🥪

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: 😰

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: 🍝

 

GreasedLightning: 🍆😏

 

Jerry: 🤨

 

WalkingMouth: 🥗

 

ButtonsUpBitches: ☝️👵🏻

 

WhoIsShe: 🥯

 

Thomas_Man: 🍺

 

Jerry: 🍺😎

 

GreasedLightning: 🏳️‍🌈

 

Crutch_This: 🏴‍☠️

 

GreasedLightning: 🗡

 

Crutch_This: ⚔️

 

GreasedLightning: 😵

 

UseTape: 🏥🚑

 

GreasedLightning: ☠️

 

AlbieQuiet: 😭😭

 

Just_Specs-ulations: 🎟🎥🕠🤓➕🌹➕💩➕👨🏼‍🦰➕🔆➕🦄❓

 

HO-meo: 👍

 

BestBi: 🙋🏽‍♂️

 

Just_Specs-ulations: ➕🤠👍

 

A_Goddess: Alright good talk everyone!

 

Chapter Text

TURKEY TIME

November 21st 11:11 pm

 

HO-meo: 11:11 MAKE A WISH

 

AlbieQuiet: I wish I didn’t have to have dinner with my family tomorrow night

 

ButtonsUpBitches: What’s wrong with having dinner with your family?

 

AlbieQuiet: Let’s just say none of us really like each other all that much

 

HO-meo: Oof I’m sorry

 

AlbieQuiet: Nah it’s fine we mostly just sit in silence for like two hours then we all leave

 

A_Goddess: Mood

 

WhoIsShe: Why do you sit in silence

 

AlbieQuiet: Cuz the alternative is to argue non stop

 

BestBi: Yikes

 

AlbieQuiet: Yeah none of us really approve of each other's life choices

 

BestBi: You can come celebrate at my house with everyone who cant go home 

 

AlbieQuiet: Thanks Jack but I gotta go it’s one of the two times a year my family gets together

 

BestBi: Well feel free to come over after if you want its gonna be me Spot Medda Crutchie Elmer Specs and Jojo and the Jacobs and Katherine are gonna stop by later

 

AlbieQuiet: Thanks Jack I’ll consider it

 

GreasedLightning: Sorry im out of town babe or i would go w/ u 4 backup

 

AlbieQuiet: Aw babe thanks for the sentiment but that would go horribly

 

AlbieQuiet: My dad and oldest brother are homophobes

 

AlbieQuiet: My sexuality is one of the things we avoid talking about at thanksgiving

 

A_Goddess: Yikes

 

AlbieQuiet: 🙃

 

TweetyBirb: Don’t worry Al, I’ll call you at six with an ‘emergency’ 

 

AlbieQuiet: I can always count on you Fi

 

TweetyBirb: 😘

 

GreasedLightning: Y does he call u at 6?

 

AlbieQuiet: It gives me an excuse to leave early


GreasedLightning to AlbieQuiet

November 21st 11:48 pm

 

GreasedLightning: Hey Albie i know weve only been dating for a few weeks so u dont have 2 tell me if u dont want to but can i ask about ur family?

 

GreasedLightning: Like i know that ur mom died from cancer but wut about the rest of ur family? I dont even know who all u have in ur family

 

AlbieQuiet: It’s fine Race

 

AlbieQuiet: My family is now me, my dad, my oldest brother Lucas, and my younger older brother Marco

 

AlbieQuiet: After my mom died we kinda stopped being a real family, we’re kinda all just a bunch of strangers now

 

AlbieQuiet: I mean we’re not strangers but we’re not really a family anymore, you know?

 

GreasedLightning: Im sorry babe that must b hard

 

AlbieQuiet: Yeah I mean it hard cuz we don’t really communicate very well and none of us really like each other so we either eat in silence or we fight non stop and it just feels so draining to have to go see them twice a year

 

GreasedLightning: Y dont u just not go?

 

AlbieQuiet: They’re my family Race. My mom would be so disappointed if she knew we didn’t still see each other after she died

 

GreasedLightning: Ok

 

GreasedLightning: So dont get mad at me cuz im only trying to make sure that ur ok but… your family doesnt like abuse you do they?

 

AlbieQuiet: I’m not mad. And no, not in the sense that there’s a power imbalance at least

 

AlbieQuiet: Like we’ve never had a physical fight that wasn’t like normal wrestling that brothers do, and we verbally fight a lot but everyone is on equal ground when we do (unless they gang up on you, but they’re just as likely to all pick on me as they are to all pick on Marco or Lucas or my dad)

 

AlbieQuiet: We pick on my dad for being unable to hold a solid job, or Lucas for tattoo choices, or Marco for his long “hippie” hair, or me for my dancing

 

AlbieQuiet: We tactfully avoid discussing my dad’s drinking problem, or Lucas’s gambling addiction, or Marco’s depression, or my sexuality which I think shows that we don’t HATE each other

 

GreasedLightning: Albert, that doesnt sound like a healthy relationship

 

AlbieQuiet: I know, but it’s only twice a year and I don’t let their comments get to me for long

 

AlbieQuiet: They’re my family Race and I want to try to have a relationship with them

 

AlbieQuiet: I promise that if it’s getting to be too much then I’ll leave

 

GreasedLightning: Alright Albie i trust u ❤️

 

AlbieQuiet: 💜

 

Chapter Text

TURKEY TIME

November 22nd 5:03 pm

 

AlbieQuiet: Thanksgiving just got worse

 

UseTape: Omg no why?

 

AlbieQuiet: My dad has a girlfriend 🙂 and he didn’t tell us 🙃 and my brother Marco isn’t here yet

 

HO-meo: Oh no

 

Thomas_Man: What’s his girlfriend like?

 

AlbieQuiet: Slightly older than me, definitely goes to tanning salons too much, is completely high out of her mind rn

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: Oof

 

HO-meo: Fun times


AlbieQuiet: THANKSGIVING JUST GOT WORSE

 

AlbieQuiet: MARCO IS HERE AND HE ALSO HAS A GIRLFRIEND THAT HE DIDNT TELL ANYONE ABOUT

 

AlbieQuiet: AND SHE IS SO SO PREGNANT

 

AlbieQuiet: LIKE SHE COULD GIVE BIRTH AT ANY SECOND PREGNANT

 

TweetyBirb: Well shit

 

TweetyBirb: Do you need me to call you early?

 

AlbieQuiet: My dad has made it clear to me that he is on to us and that that will not work this year 🙃

 

TweetyBirb: Shit I’m sorry

 

AlbieQuiet: 🙃🙃🙃

 

AlbieQuiet: I hope you are all having a better thanksgiving than me

 

BestBi: No offense but I dont think thats hard

 

A_Goddess: Even I’m having a better thanksgiving, and I have to be with MY family.


AlbieQuiet: I JUST SAW MY BROTHER LUCAS AND MY DADS GIRLFRIEND MAKING OUT ON THE FIRE ESCAPE

 

HO-meo: 0_o

 

UseTape: Why were you near the fire escape? Isn’t that outside your dad’s room?

 

AlbieQuiet: I WAS TRYING TO ESCAPE

 

AlbieQuiet: BUT THEYRE BLOCKING THE WAY

 

BitchUThought: Jesus I’m sorry Albert

 

AlbieQuiet: On the bright side no ones gonna pay attention to me this year and my gay dancer ass can just cruise through dinner


AlbieQuiet: All I had to do was not open my mouth at all and I would have made it out of tonight just fine 

 

AlbieQuiet: But I did open my mouth

 

AlbieQuiet: And thanksgiving has gotten so much worse

 

BestBi: Whadija do?

 

AlbieQuiet: I don’t quite remember how we got there in the conversation but I said “at least I can’t knock up a girl”

 

AlbieQuiet: And Marco immediately sold me out and yelled “Albert’s gay!”

 

AlbieQuiet: There are no allies in the DaSilva household

 

AlbieQuiet: There are only enemies and scapegoats

 

the_spot_conlon: your family didnt know you were gay?

 

AlbieQuiet: Not explicitly but they probably suspected

 

AlbieQuiet: Communication is not our strong suit

 

UseTape: I’m sorry Albert

 

AlbieQuiet: The best part of all of this is that tomorrow I’m gonna be embarrassed about how much I’ve shared with you all today

 

Crutch_This: Don’t be embarrassed we all have struggles in life and having a healthy support system is good. And the fact that you’ve shared this with us means that you feel comfortable with us. We’re here for you Albert and you can tell us anything we want to help you ❤️❤️

 

BestBi: ^^

 

BestBi: We’re family here and family support each other in times of need

 

A_Goddess: Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb.

 

the_spot_conlon: do you need us to come beat people up for you?

 

BitchUThought: I second Spot’s sentiment, I can be at your dad’s place within minutes

 

UseTape: I love you so much Al, you never need to be embarrassed about talking to us

 

AlbieQuiet: You guys are the BEST I’m crying so much

 

AlbieQuiet: No need to beat anyone up though because I’ve already climbed out the window and down the fire escape. I’ll be at Jack’s in a few minutes

 

BestBi: Do you want us to save any food for you?

 

AlbieQuiet: 😭 yes please! My dad’s girlfriend is a vegan and like extreme dieting or whatever so there was no good food

 

UseTape: We’ll make sure to save a little of everything for you

 

AlbieQuiet: 😭😭😭 I love you guys so much!!!


GreasedLightning to AlbieQuiet

November 22nd 10:33 pm

 

GreasedLightning: OMG I was busy w/ my fam

 

GreasedLightning: R u ok Albie?

 

AlbieQuiet: I’m ok now Race

 

AlbieQuiet: Even better now that you're here

 

GreasedLightning: 💖💖💖

 

GreasedLightning: Im sorry im not in town to support you in person but im glad you felt comfortable telling the others about your problems and going to jack’s when you left

 

AlbieQuiet: Aw Race you don’t have to feel bad that you spent the holiday with your family, I’m ok and if I wasn’t comfortable with Jack then I would have gone to Finch’s or Sniper’s

 

AlbieQuiet: Also Medda Larkin is a saint and her cooking is so GOOD

 

GreasedLightning: I know ❤️ so wat r u doing now?

 

AlbieQuiet: Well after all the dishes were washed Jack yelled “It’s christmas time baby!” so we’re all in the living room watching christmas movies

 

GreasedLightning: Nice

 

GreasedLightning: Well im actually gonna go to bed now cuz my family is EXHAUSTING

 

AlbieQuiet: Night Race ilu

 

GreasedLightning: ilu2 Albie 💖💖

 

Chapter Text

GreasedLightning to the_spot_conlon

November 23rd 8:20 am

 

GreasedLightning: I need ur help

 

the_spot_conlon: why do you need MY help? and what makes you think im gonna help YOU?

 

GreasedLightning: r00d

 

GreasedLightning: R we not friends Spotty?

 

the_spot_conlon: no were not were exes

 

GreasedLightning: WE BROKE UP 3 YEARS AGO

 

GreasedLightning: Not only did we break up 3 years ago but were also both now in relationships and let me just say that i think elmer is way better 4 u than i ever was

 

GreasedLightning: We use to b bffs Spotty and now were just gonna let a dumb hs fling ruin that?

 

the_spot_conlon: what did you need my help with

 

GreasedLightning: Ok so last night i was txting Albert after the whole thing w/ his fam and he txted me “ilu” so I txted it back but like is it too soon for us to say the L word? And does “ilu” even count as saying the L word?

 

GreasedLightning: Like is using it in an abbreviation less intense than saying the whole word?

 

GreasedLightning: And we didnt even say it we txted it so does that hold the same amount of weight as saying it?

 

the_spot_conlon: what makes you think i can help you with any of this?

 

GreasedLightning: Idk i thought maybe ur stoic-ness was born of wisdom

 

the_spot_conlon: well its not

 

the_spot_conlon: can i ask you something now?

 

GreasedLightning: Of course

 

the_spot_conlon: you said you think elmer is better for me than you were?

 

GreasedLightning: Yeah

 

GreasedLightning: I mean like i think we complemented each other well in hs but in real life were both just too stubborn for a long term relationship

 

GreasedLightning: Like neither of us were willing to compromise for the other and if we got into an argument then we would both just keep getting angrier and angrier with each other and it wasnt healthy

 

GreasedLightning: I liked u a lot but we didnt balance each other we amplified each other which is great for the good parts but like I said if we got angry neither of us were good at taking a step back and calming down 

 

GreasedLightning: But elmer is much more calm than I will ever b so i think that when ur angry he can resist getting angry rite back

 

GreasedLightning: U can compromise with him because he will compromise with u

 

GreasedLightning: Ur negative traits wont feed off each other but instead will inspire the better traits in both of u and i think thats really nice

 

the_spot_conlon: thanks racer

 

GreasedLightning: Does this mean we can b friends again?

 

the_spot_conlon: yeah it does

 

the_spot_conlon: and i think that if you do really love albert then you shouldnt be ashamed to say it

 

GreasedLightning: But is it 2 soon?

 

the_spot_conlon: i dont think there is a too soon if you really mean it

 

the_spot_conlon: besides he said it first right? if that didnt make you uncomfortable then i dont think you need to over analyze this

 

GreasedLightning: U so rite Spotty

 

GreasedLightning: But im still gonna ask jack 4 his opinion

 

the_spot_conlon: you understand that jack went by disaster bi for like four months right? theres a reason for that

 

GreasedLightning: Fine then ill ask kathy

 

the_spot_conlon: the only reason kathy didnt have disaster in her name was because jack did

 

GreasedLightning: Then who do u think i should talk 2?

 

the_spot_conlon: id say dave crutchie sarah specs or blink

 

the_spot_conlon: id recommend sniper finch or mush but theyre all close to albert so you might get more death threats than advise

 

GreasedLightning: Thanks Spotty u the BEST ❤️❤️

 

the_spot_conlon: whatever


GreasedLightning to BestBi

November 23rd 9:11 am

 

GreasedLightning: Heyy Jackie

 

BestBi: Go away

 

GreasedLightning: ☹️

 

BestBi: Too early


GreasedLightning to Crutch_This

November 23rd 9:13 am

 

GreasedLightning: Heyy Crutchie


BestBi to GreasedLightning

November 23rd 9:13 am

 

BestBi: Hes asleep too Race go away


GreasedLightning to Just_Specs-ulations

November 23rd 9:14 am

 

GreasedLightning: Hey Specs u awake?

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Yeah, whats up?

 

GreasedLightning: When is a good time to say the L word?

 

Just_Specs-ulations: When you really mean it

 

GreasedLightning: Ok but is it 2 soon?

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Do you mean it?

 

GreasedLightning: I think so

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Do you think he feels the same?

 

GreasedLightning: I hope so

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Then I wouldn’t over think it so much

 

GreasedLightning: Thanks Specs

 

Just_Specs-ulations: Hey what are functional gays for if not for helping their disaster friends

 

Chapter Text

Need Me Some Vitamin D

November 25th 12:58 pm

 

Thomas_Man: Finch, Fuck Marry Kill

 

TweetyBirb: Ok

 

Thomas_Man: Elmer Albert Mush 

 

BitchUThought: Why are you like this

 

TweetyBirb: Fuck Albert, marry Elmer, kill Mush

 

MonsterMush: what did I do to you???

 

TweetyBirb: You borrowed my 3DS and never gave it back

 

MonsterMush: I gave it to Albert I thought he gave it back to you

 

TweetyBirb: Fine then fuck Mush and kill Albert

 

Thomas_Man: Mush, fmk Elmer Albert Sniper

 

BlinkityBlink: Are you gonna just keep circling through people on this chat?

 

TweetyBirb: I forgot we added Blink to our group 

 

Thomas_Man: Well what do you suggest?

 

BlinkityBlink: Katherine, Jack, Ike

 

MonsterMush: marry Katherine, fuck Jack, kill Ike 

 

TweetyBirb: Golddigger 

 

MonsterMush: obviously

 

MonsterMush: Sniper! Fmk Katherine, Sarah, Buttons

 

BitchUThough: Hmm

 

BitchUThought: Are we ignoring that Buttons doesn’t like girls

 

Thomas_Man: Yeah

 

BitchUThought: Marry Sarah for sure

 

TweetyBirb: Really?

 

TweetyBirb: So you don’t want Kath’s money

 

BitchUThought: Sarah’s much tidier

 

AlbieQuiet: As someone who has been in their apartment when they weren’t expecting guests, can confirm that Katherine has papers and stuff for her articles EVERYWHERE

 

BitchUThought: Exactly

 

BitchUThought: Anyway, fuck Buttons and kill Katherine

 

MonsterMush: kill the competition

 

BitchUThought: Tommy, fmk Race, Romeo, Spot

 

Thomas_Man: Fuck Romeo, marry Spot, kill Race

 

BlinkityBlink: That was fast

 

UseTape: Hey! Spot’s mine!

 

AlbieQuiet: Why are you killing my boyfriend!

 

Thomas_Man: Which offends you more, that I want to kill your boyfriend or that my boyfriend wants to kill you?

 

AlbieQuiet: You wanting to kill my boyfriend obviously

 

AlbieQuiet: I lost Finch’s 3DS so him wanting to kill me is not a surprise

 

TweetyBirb: YOU LOST MY DS???

 

AlbieQuiet: Chill Finch, it’s in my room somewhere

 

Thomas_Man: Blink, fmk Specs, Henry, Crutchie

 

BlinkityBlink: Kill Specs, fuck Henry, marry Crutchie 

 

Thomas_Man: Wow what did Specs ever do to you?

 

BlinkityBlink: He knows what he did

 

TweetyBirb: Anyway

 

TweetyBirb: Elmer fmk Smalls Mike Davey

 

UseTape: I don't want to kill anyone

 

BitchUThought: It’s theoretical El, you’re not gonna fuck or marry any of them either

 

UseTape: But theoretically I wouldn’t kill anyone

 

MonsterMush: Just answer the question 

 

UseTape: Fine, fuck Smalls marry Mike kill Davey 

 

BlinkityBlink: Why marry Mike?

 

UseTape: I don't know I just put them in the order given

 

BitchUThought: Ok so Elmer is bad at this

 

BitchUThought: Albert, fmk Crutchie, Jojo, Elmer

 

AlbieQuiet: Fuck Jojo, marry Elmer, kill Crutchie

 

Thomas_Man: You’d kill Crutchie?

 

AlbieQuiet: I don’t trust him, I don’t think he’s a sweet as he shows himself to be

 

TweetyBirb: Well today on Which Of My Friends I’d Kill, we kill Katherine, Albert, Crutchie, Ike, Specs, Race, and I guess Davey too

 

Thomas_Man: Thanks for playing everyone!

 

Chapter Text

It’s Christmas Time Baby

November 28th 4:55 pm

 

Crutch_This : Can we all just take a moment to shame Jack for eating moldy bread

 

A_Goddess : Jack!

 

WalkingMouth : That’s disgusting. 

 

BestBi : I cut off the moldy bits its fine

 

WalkingMouth : That’s not how mold works, Jack. 

 

HO-meo : What do you mean that's not how mold works???

 

KenKen : He cut the mold off, it’s fine

 

Pastrami_On_Rye : No guys, if any of the bread has visible mold on it then all of the bread has mold on it

 

Jerry : :0

 

Ben : 0:

 

KenKen : 😮

 

HO-meo : 😨

 

Pastrami_On_Rye : Is anyone else concerned that Mike and Ike work in a pizzeria but don’t know how mold works?

 

WalkingMouth: If any of the bread has fruiting mold then all of the bread has mold spores in it and you shouldn’t eat ANY of it.

 

BestBi : Shit am I gonna die???

 

A_Goddess : No Jack, you should be fine. Just don’t eat anymore moldy bread

 

GreasedLightning : The More You Know 🌈⭐️

 

the_spot_conlon : ah yes jacks diet of moldy bread and paint water

 

UseTape : Hey as long as we’re boyfriend shaming…

 

the_spot_conlon : no fuck you shut up

 

UseTape : You guys know how plastic fruits are a thing?

 

Crutch_This : The decoration things?

 

UseTape : Yeah

 

the_spot_conlon : el im begging you

 

UseTape : Spot tried to eat one cuz he thought it was real

 

BestBi : HAHAHA AT LEAST I ATE ACTUAL FOODS

 

the_spot_conlon : shut up jack they were very realistic 

 

WhoIsShe : Did he take a bite out of it?

 

WalkingMouth : He didn’t swallow any, did he?

 

UseTape : Yeah he took quite a chunk out of it

 

UseTape : No he spit it out

 

the_spot_conlon : last weekend elmer and i went to a bar and after a few drinks he asked if i had a boyfriend and then started crying when i told him that i did

 

TweetyBirb : Wow Elly

 

UseTape : He was just so cute and I wanted to go out with him

 

the_spot_conlon : we were literally on a date at the time

 

AlbieQuiet : So not only did Elmer forget he was dating Spot, he also totally forgot he was in any relationship

 

KenKen : Well as long as we’re shaming boyfriends

 

Jerry : You can’t shame me

 

Jerry : I have no shame

 

KenKen : He literally forgot whether he was my boyfriend or if his brother was

 

KenKen : It should be noted that he also forgot which one he was

 

Ben : Ha classic Mike

 

AlbieQuiet : Race was half asleep once and kept gushing to me about this super hot guy in his dance class that he had a secret crush on

 

GreasedLightning : When Albies stoned he pats my face and says “pretty” for like five minutes straight

 

GreasedLightning : Every time

 

AlbieQuiet : It’s important to me that you know how pretty you are

 

GreasedLightning : Aww babe

 

AlbieQuiet : 😘

 

Thomas_Man : When Finch is stoned he climbs a tree and insists that he needs to become one with his brethren

 

TweetyBirb : Tommy called a child a thot

 

Thomas_Man : Yeah Fi, we already discussed this

 

Thomas_Man : You can’t just double jeopardy me

 

WhoIsShe : I am HERE for these boys calling each other out

 

A_Goddess : I would spill dirt on Sarah but I can’t because she’s perfect 

 

WhoIsShe : Aww that’s sweet

 

WhoIsShe : I have dirt on you though 

 

WhoIsShe : Freshman year Katherine didn’t know how a microwave worked and she set off the fire alarm in our building five times in the first semester

 

A_Goddess : Sarah!!!

 

WhoIsShe : “I didn’t know it needed water!” -Katherine Pulitzer after putting dry ramen in the microwave

 

GreasedLightning : Ooo yass sarah spill that tea sister

 

WhoIsShe : She put a fork in the microwave

 

A_Goddess : THAT WAS ONE TIME

 

WhoIsShe : She didn’t know how long to put popcorn in for so she put it in for five minutes

 

A_Goddess : Can we go back to making fun of Jack please 

 

BestBi : When we were dating Katherine bought me a dog for our one month anniversary and thought it was a normal thing to do 

 

the_spot_conlon : he named the dog Santa Fe

 

Crutch_This : Fe is the goodest boy 

 

Crutch_This sent an image

It’s Jack cuddling a brown border collie that has a red bandana around its neck

 

AlbieQuiet : I love him!!! 😍😍😍

 

KenKen : Jack I will give you ALL of the money in exchange for your dog

 

BestBi : No

 

WhoIsShe : What the heck Kath never bought me a dog

 

A_Goddess : Well SOMEONE told me that it was a “normal thing to do”

 

WalkingMouth : Jack said that?

 

GreasedLightning : No jack tried to spare her feelings

 

GreasedLightning : I told her it was weird

 

BestBi : Kath also one told me to “dress casually” for a date then took me to a super fancy restaurant that made me look like a schlub 

 

A_Goddess : Jack and I once had a date and all he did was talk about how cute Crutchie was, and he didn’t seem to realize that that was not a platonic thing to do

 

BestBi : Ah yes back when I thought I was straight 

 

HO-meo : Oh oh! Specs once spent half an hour looking for his glasses

 

HO-meo : He was wearing them

 

Just_Specs-ulations : Romeo cries if you even say Old Yeller

 

HO-meo : ITS SO SAD 

 

KenKen : When Ike forgets which twin he is he sometimes cries about how he “doesn’t want to He the straight one”

 

Ben : Bitch me neither

 

Ben : But here I am

 

Ben : Just goes to show ya, sexuality isn’t a choice

 

GreasedLightning : What would you do if you were attracted to guys?

 

Ben : Get a tall bf to grab things off the top shelf for me

 

HO-meo : If that’s not the most relatable thing ever

 

AlbieQuiet : Rt

 

Crutch_This : Rt

 

Thomas_Man : Rt

 

KenKen : Most of you guys aren’t even that short

 

AlbieQuiet : Yeah but we have tall AF boyfriends

 

smolbean : When I want something off the top shelf I just climb the cabinets 

 

Crutch_This : I can’t climb the cabinets

 

smolbean : Well that’s what you have Davey for

 

BestBi : Hey I can think of a few couples who haven’t shown up to this S.O. roast

 

BlinkityBlink : Mush is perfect and I love him

 

MonsterMush : ❤️❤️

 

MonsterMush : Blink is a cryptid and I love him 

 

GreasedLightning : Ew

 

UseTape : Mush likes to roast Blink irl where it can’t be screenshotted

 

TweetyBirb : True

 

MonsterMush : 😉

 

BitchUThought : Smalls can’t swim

 

A_Goddess : I don't think that that counts as a roast

 

BitchUThought : It’s not

 

BitchUThought : I just thought you should know

 

smolbean : Sniper’s favorite color is pink

 

BitchUThought : Bitch

 

SpellMyNameIDareU : Henry, Buttons, and I are watching a movie and don’t have time for you mortals and your petty squabbles

 

WalkingMouth : Ok, well if this was a contest to see who had the dumbest S.O. then I think Crutchie and I win. Jack is throwing up because he chugged all his paint water. 

 

Crutch_This : To be fair, Race dared him to

 

the_spot_conlon : because that makes it better

 

BestBi : $20 baby!

 

WalkingMouth : 🤦🏻♂️

 

GreasedLightning : Jack drinking paint water, $20

 

GreasedLightning : The look on daveys face afterwards, priceless

 

Chapter Text

It’s Christmas Time Baby

December 2nd 10:39 am

 

A_Goddess : Happy Hanukkah everyone who celebrates!!

 

WhoIsShe : 🕎

 

WalkingMouth : 🕎

 

UseTape : 🕎

 

MonsterMush : are you Jewish, Katherine?

 

A_Goddess : My father is Jewish, my mother is Christian, we celebrate both sets of holidays

 

MonsterMush : Nice

 

UseTape renamed the chat Happy Chanukah

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Hanukah

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Chanuka

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Chanukkah

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Hanuka

 

WalkingMouth : Please stop.

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Channukah

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Chanukka

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Hanukka

 

WhoIsShe : Why

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Hannuka

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Hannukkah

 

A_Goddess : We get it, there’s a lot of ways to spell Hanukkah. Can you both stop now

 

GreasedLightning : Were almost done

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Channuka

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Xanuka

 

BestBi : I dont think that ones real

 

AlbieQuiet : You wish it wasn’t real

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Hannukka

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Channukkah

 

AlbieQuiet renamed the chat Happy Channukka

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Happy Chanuqa

 

GreasedLightning : Ok were done

 

Ben : There’s no way that those are all real

 

AlbieQuiet : According to the internet, there are 16 acceptable ways to spell Hanukkah. These are it

 

GreasedLightning : Most of them are just variations on the same thing, either it starts with an H or a C

 

AlbieQuiet : There’s either one N or two

 

GreasedLightning : Either one K or two

 

AlbieQuiet : And it either ends with an A or an H

 

WalkingMouth : Ok, thank you guys for the Hanukkah lesson, please don’t do that again.

 

A_Goddess renamed the chat Happy Holidays

 

A_Goddess : Please leave it like that

Chapter Text

Happy Holidays

December 3rd 3:01 am

 

GreasedLightning renamed the chat Chappy Chanukah

 

BestBi: Wtf Race?

 

GreasedLightning: I couldnt resist

 

BestBi: Why are you even awake

 

GreasedLightning: Ur awake 2

 

BestBi: My 1 class tomorrow got cancelled your turn 

 

GreasedLightning: Ive decided that getting more than 5 is excessive 

 

UseTape: Seriously? Sleep is for the weak, you don’t need more than an hour

 

AlbieQuiet: You guys still sleep???

 

AlbieQuiet: Insomnia is my bitch

 

BestBi: Are you guys ok?

 

GreasedLightning: No

 

UseTape: Nope

 

AlbieQuiet: Nah

 

Chappy Chanukah

December 3rd 10:12 am

 

A_Goddess: Who changed the chat name???

 

BestBi: Race @ 3am

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: Seriously guys?

 

ButtonsUpBitches: I dont know, Chenry, I think it’s clever

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: The fuck did you just call me???

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: Whats wrong Chenry?

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: That’s it we're breaking up

 

ButtonsUpBitches: No Chenry!!! Don’t leave us

 

Pastrami_On_Rye: 😑

 

Jerry: That’s so sad

 

Jerry: You guys use to be as tight as me and Kkeny

 

KenKen: Maybe Mike IS the one I’m dating

 

Jerry: :0

 

A_Goddess: I thought we agreed not to change the chat name again

 

WhoIsShe: Lighten up Kkatherinne, I think it’s funny

 

A_Goddess: Sara

 

WhoIsShe: Fuck

 

A_Goddess: Spelled S A R A with no H cuz H’s are EW!!!

 

WhoIsShe: I’m sorry Kath please stop

 

BestBi: I am not sorry Kkatch

 

A_Goddess: Jahckk

 

BestBi: Still not sorry

 

BestBi: @Crutch_This, WalkingMouth what do you guys think about my new name

 

Crutch_This: My new name is Cruthie!!

 

WalkingMouth: That just sounds like you’re trying to say “Crutchie” with a speech impediment. 

 

GreasedLightning: Now ur name is spelled as dumb as u r

 

BestBi: Anntonnio

 

GreasedLightning: Now my name is spelled as dumb as I am

 

TweetyBirb: Your name is Antonio?

 

GreasedLightning: Pahtrickk

 

TweetyBirb: WHO TOLD YOU???

 

Ben: Your name is Patrick?

 

TweetyBirb: ALBERT DASILVA!!! I will tell them your real name don’t think I won’t

 

AlbieQuiet: The fuck does that mean?

 

GreasedLightning: Ur real name isnt Albert???

 

AlbieQuiet: My real name IS Albert hence the “The fuck does that mean”

 

TweetyBirb: You know what it means

 

AlbieQuiet: I really really don’t 

 

AlbieQuiet: Also I didn’t tell him your name

 

TweetyBirb: THEN WHO DID

 

GreasedLightning: Why can’t I just be really good at guessing?

 

BestBi: Cuz youre not

 

BitchUThought: 😏

 

TweetyBirb: ANNASTASIAH

 

BitchUThought: Still not right, but I like your moxie

 

Crutch_This: ???

 

Thomas_Man: Finnh is trying to guess Snniper’s real name

 

AlbieQuiet: He’s very bad at it

 

WalkingMouth: Can we stop adding letters to people’s names, please?

 

the_spot_conlon: dahvid

 

BestBi: Seahn

 

MonsterMush: sEAN?!?

 

the_spot_conlon: time for murder

 

BeatBi: Fuk

 

smolbean: Whats Mush’s real name?

 

MonsterMush: it's not very exciting

 

Thomas_Man: His name is Micheal Meyers

 

AlbieQuiet: Miheahl

 

GreasedLightning: …

 

Crutch_This: …

 

Ben: 0:

 

Jerry: :0

 

WalkingMouth: Your parents named you after a fictional psychopath?

 

MonsterMush: eLMERS REAL NAME IS ELIAZ

 

UseTape: What did I do???

 

GreasedLightning: So in this chat we have: Kkatcherinne, Sahra, Jahckk, Cruthie, Dahvid, Chennry, Kkeny, Mikke, Ikke, Pahtrickk/Finnh, Snniper, Smahlls, Musch/Miheahl, Seahn, Eliahz, and Ahlbert

 

WhoIsShe: When white suburban moms name kids

 

GreasedLightning: Did I miss anyone

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: Ahnntonnio

 

Thomas_Man: Tchomahs Mahnn

 

AlbieQuiet: I think Tommy won

 

HO-meo: But the real winners are Me, Specs, Buttons, and Jojo for not having H A N or K in our names

 

Crutch_This: They have no Hanks

 

ButtonsUpBitches: Jorgelinno Josepchinno

 

UseTape: I understand the username now

 

A_Goddess: Is Jahckk is around?

 

WalkingMouth: Spot has probably found and murdered him by now, so no, probably not. 

 

smolbean: RIP Jahckk

 

Chapter Text

Chappy Chanukah

December 7th 1:29

 

WhoIsShe: Did anyone else see the university alert about that guy stealing someone’s MAGA hat?

 

smolbean: “Campus police are searching for a white college age male with short curly hair and a red sweatshirt after he approached a man near the library at around 11 a.m. this morning, and snatched a red ‘Make America Great Again’ baseball cap from the victim’s head and ran away in a southwards direction. If you have any information please alert campus police.”

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: Not all heroes wear capes

 

ButtonsUpBitches: We stan one (1) legend

 

WalkingMouth: Ok, but he still stole from someone who did nothing to him, it’s illegal. 

 

BestBi: If you had information would you give it to the police

 

WalkingMouth: DID YOU DO IT???

 

BestBi: No Dave theyre looking for a white guy I just wanna know

 

WalkingMouth: I guess I would not give information to the police. 

 

WalkingMouth: It’s illegal, but I similarly don’t think the perpetrator deserves to be punished just for stealing a hat. 

 

BestBi: Great!

 

BestBi sent an image

It’s Race in a red hoodie with three MAGA hats stacked on his head

 

WhoIsShe: WHAT?!

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: NICE!!!

 

smolbean: The alert implies you only stole 1 hat

 

GreasedLightning: Only 1 person reported it

 

WalkingMouth: The responsible human in me wants to report you. 

 

GreasedLightning: Snitches get stitches davey

 

BestBi: You said you wouldnt report

 

WalkingMouth: I thought it was a hypothetical!

 

ButtonsUpBitches: Don’t report him, Davey, Race would die in prison 

 

Ben: Would he go to prison?

 

A_Goddess: The penalty for a strong-armed robbery (which the campus police said this is) in New York is up to seven years in prison

 

A_Goddess: Looks like 2 ⅔ years minimum

 

GreasedLightning: Shit please don’t report me Davey!

 

WalkingMouth: I’m definitely not going to report you for stealing some hats, that isn’t worth prison time. 

 

GreasedLightning: Thanks Davey!!!

 

BestBi: Thank you babe!

 

WalkingMouth: Next time just don’t tell me when you’ve committed a crime. 

 

BestBi: You got it

 

Crutch_This: Ah yes, plausible deniability, my old friend

 

GreasedLightning: Bitch shut up ur usually just as guilty as us 

 

Crutch_This: You can prove nothing

 

BestBi: This is true

 

AlbieQuiet: So what you’re saying is that Crutchie isn’t as innocent as he seems?

 

GreasedLightning: Yep

 

AlbieQuiet: I knew it

 

Crutch_This: 😉

 

WalkingMouth: Do I even want to know what you guys get up to when I’m gone?

 

BestBi: Not if you want to keep your plausible deniability

 

WalkingMouth: *sigh* Just don’t get arrested, alright?

 

Crutch_This: 😉

 

TweetyBirb: Have any of you ever been arrested?

 

the_spot_conlon: yes

 

BestBi: Once but it wasnt my fault

 

Ben: I got taken to the station once, but I wasn’t really being arrested

 

Jerry: Where was I?

 

Ben: Hiding in a dumpster

 

Jerry: Oh yeah I remember now

 

ButtonsUpBitches: Are you guys gonna explain that?

 

Ben: Um

 

Jerry: No

 

KenKen: How old were you???

 

Jerry: 10

 

Ben: That’s why I wasn’t really arrested

 

GreasedLightning: I once got chased by a mall cop 

 

AlbieQuiet: OMG same!!!

 

GreasedLightning: Omg soulmates!!!

 

BitchUThought: My dad is a cop

 

the_spot_conlon: i think i met him

 

UseTape: What did you do to get arrested?

 

the_spot_conlon: it was jacks fault

 

BestBi: IT WAS NOT

 

WhoIsShe: Ok but what did you guys do

 

BestBi: Nuh uh

 

the_spot_conlon: we made a blood oath to never talk about it again


World’s Best Boyfriends

December 7th 2:09 pm

 

Crutch_This: What did you do?

 

BestBi: You already know

 

WalkingMouth: Don't tell me, I don't think my anxiety could take it. 

 

BestBi: Its not like it was a major crime Dave Im not in jail now am I?

 

WalkingMouth: Don’t tell me anyway. 


Chappy Chanukah

December 7th 2:10 pm

 

Thomas_Man: I got arrested for throwing a water balloon at a cop car

 

WhoIsShe: Why did you do that?

 

Thomas_Man: I wasn’t aiming for the cop

 

MonsterMush: Everytime a police car passes Elmer says that they’re coming for him

 

AlbieQuiet: Elmer who has never done anything wrong. In. His. Life. 

 

UseTape: You never know when someone might have framed you for a murder 

 

A_Goddess: Elmer, let me be the first to say: what the actual fuck?

 

GreasedLightning: Thats so tru

 

Chapter Text

Girls Only

December 9th 12:34 pm

 

smolbean: Ladies

 

smolbean: I have a confession to make

 

WhoIsShe: Yes, Smalls?

 

smolbean: I’m not like other girls

 

ButtonsUpBitches: ???

 

A_Goddess: What is that supposed to mean?

 

smolbean: I am actually twenty ducks in a trench coat

 

smolbean : 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🧥

 

BitchUThought: Twenty sounds like an overestimate

 

BitchUThought: You’re more like twelve ducks

 

BitchUThought: Thirteen tops

 

ButtonsUpBitches: 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🧥

 

smolbean: Thanks

 

WhoIsShe: This went in a way better direction than I thought it would 


GreasedLightning to HO-meo

December 9th 1:52 pm

 

GreasedLightning: Heyy Ro!

 

HO-meo: This can’t be good

 

GreasedLightning: Want 2 go on a man-date w/ me

 

HO-meo: Bro that’s gay

 

GreasedLightning: Nah bro

 

GreasedLightning: No homo bro

 

HO-meo: Ok but why do you want to go on a man date?

 

GreasedLightning: Theres this new restaurant I wanna try but Albert wont go with me because he says it looks like “food poisoning covered in butter”

 

HO-meo: You has me at heyy

 

GreasedLightning: Then Why did you say this can’t be good???

 

HO-meo: That’s just my inner Specs talking

 

GreasedLightning: Ew I dont wanna hear about that

 

HO-meo: Not like that you perv

 

GreasedLightning: U love me

 

HO-meo: I’d love you more if you paid for my buttered food poisoning

 

GreasedLightning: Fine

 

HO-meo: 😘

 

GreasedLightning: 😘


Singles Squad

December 9th 2:21 pm

 

Ben removed GreasedLightning from the chat

 

Ben removed the_spot_conlon from the chat

 

Ben removed BlinkityBlink from the chat

 

Ben removed Jerry from the chat

 

Ben: All by myself

 

Ben: Don't wanna be all by myself


Bros and Hoes

December 9th 2:25 pm

 

Jerry: Why did you remove me from Singles Squad

 

Ben: Cuz you’re not single bitch

 

Jerry: Well Blink wasn’t single but we kept him around

 

Ben: Bro we can talk here

 

Jerry: But Kenny’s here

 

KenKen: What would you talk about if I wasn’t here?

 

Jerry: The same stuff we talk about when you are here

 

Ben: Yeah we have no problems talking about people where they can see us

 

KenKen: I’ve never seen you guys talk about me

 

Ben: OMG Ike! How’s your bf?

 

Jerry: OMG he’s good

 

Ben: OMG awesome

 

Jerry: Yeah I think I might love him 

 

KenKen: What???

 

Jerry: What

 

Ben: ...awkward 


Singles Squad

December 9th 2:39 pm

 

Ben: Don't wanna be 

 

Ben: ALL BY MYSELF

 

Chapter Text

Chappy Chanukah

December 13th 12:13 am

 

TweetyBirb renamed the chat Chappy Cholidays


Chappy Cholidays

December 13th 3:42 pm

 

UseTape: Hey did you guys know that Spot had friends other than us???

 

GreasedLightning: WHAT???

 

Jerry: Other people LIKE Spot?

 

the_spot_conlon: dont you all have other friends

 

BestBi: Other friends?

 

Crutch_This: Who’s she?

 

HO-meo: I don't know her

 

A_Goddess: Everytime any of us make new friends we add them here

 

GreasedLightning: Yeah Spottie! Sharing=caring

 

the_spot_conlon: its really not that big a deal

 

BestBi: Then add them

 

the_spot_conlon: no

 

Ben: Why not???

 

Jerry: We’re cool!!!

 

the_spot_conlon: they dont go to our school

 

the_spot_conlon: theyre old Brooklyn friends

 

Crutch_This: We want to meet your Brooklyn friends

 

the_spot_conlon: no

 

UseTape: Please

 

the_spot_conlon: no

 

UseTape: 🥺

 

the_spot_conlon: youre adorable but its still a no 

 

A_Goddess: What if I bribe you?

 

the_spot_conlon: $2 million

 

A_Goddess: Never mind

 

AlbieQuiet: Can I bribe you with baked goods?

 

the_spot_conlon: if its $2 million worth

 

BestBi: Why 2 million?

 

the_spot_conlon: cuz none of you can pay it

 

BlinkityBlink: As fun as watching people try to convince Spot to add his friends is

 

BlinkityBlink added BrooklynQueen, RogerThat, Thot_Hot, FirstBase, and Coolbeans to the chat

 

the_spot_conlon: fuck I forgot about blink

 

Coolbeans: There’s like 30 people in this chat wtf?

 

Thot_Hot left the chat

 

BlinkityBlink added Thot_Hot to the chat

 

Thot_Hot left the chat

 

BrooklynQueen added Thot_Hot to the chat

 

BrooklynQueen: Stay

 

Thot_Hot: ur not the boss of me

 

Thot_Hot left the chat

 

BlinkityBlink added Thot_Hot to the chat

 

the_spot_conlon: just stay hot shot theyre not gonna stop adding you

 

Thot_Hot: fine

 

GreasedLightning: Wow moodier Spot Conlon

 

Thot_Hot: bitch

 

WhoIsShe: Introductions?

 

FirstBase: Nah, confusions more fun

 

AlbieQuiet: What a mood

 

BrooklynQueen: I’m Rafaela, she/her, bisexual, the only one with any brains in this operation

 

RogerThat: I have SOME brains

 

Coolbeans: My brain is just a bunch of coffee beans

 

RogerThat: Wow self burn

 

Coolbeans: ;)

 

FirstBase: I’m Swing, he/him, Pan, tired af

 

RogerThat: Oh right, I’m Roger, he/him, gay

 

Coolbeans: Coffee Bean, they/them, ace

 

Thot_Hot: fuk all of u

 

BrooklynQueen: That’s Hot Shot, he says he’s straight, just ignore him

 

Thot_Hot: i am straight

 

Coolbeans: I think he’s actually just rage 

 

the_spot_conlon: im sorry you guys got sucked into this hell

 

BlinkityBlink: I’m NOT sorry that I sucked you guys into this hell 

 

A_Goddess: Hi I’m Katherine, she/her, bi

 

BestBi: Im Jack, he/him, bi obviously

 

RogerThat: Jack Kelly?

 

BestBi: Yeah… why

 

Coolbeans: You’re Spot’s brother! He talks about you a lot

 

the_spot_conlon: NO I DONT

 

BrooklynQueen: He says you’re a really good artist

 

the_spot_conlon: I HAVE NEVER SAID A NOCE RHING ABOUT JACK IN KY LIFE

 

BlinkityBlink: Yes he has

 

BestBi: Aww Spottie!!! ❤️❤️❤️

 

smolbean: Spot is a secret softy confirmed

 

Coolbeans: Another bean!

 

smolbean: I’m Smalls! She/her, lesbian

 

Coolbeans: We’re best friends now

 

smolbean: Obviously 

 

BitchUThought: I’m her girlfriend Sniper

 

UseTape: Hi guys I’m Elmer! Spot’s boyfriend

 

BrooklynQueen: Yeah Spot never stops talking about you

 

Coolbeans: It’s cute

 

the_spot_conlon: im NOT cute

 

UseTape: You’re the cutest!

 

the_spot_conlon: fine

 

UseTape: 💖

 

FirstBase: Adorable

 

the_spot_conlon: shut it

 

GreasedLightning: This is the best Christmas gift EVER!!!

 

GreasedLightning: Im Race!

 

RogerThat: You’re Spot’s ex

 

Coolbeans: He says you’re annoying

 

AlbieQuiet: He is

 

AlbieQuiet: I’m Race’s boyfriend Albert

 

MonsterMush: i’m Blink’s boyfriend Mush!

 

RogerThat: Blink has a boyfriend?

 

Coolbeans: Blink actually talks to people?

 

BlinkityBlink: Shut up

 

WhoIsShe: Wow Blink’s always a cryptid

 

WhoIsShe: Hi I’m Sarah! I’m Katherine’s girlfriend

 

Just_Specs-ulations: I’m Specs, he/him, gay

 

HO-meo: I’m his boyfriend Romeo!

 

SpellMyNameIDareU: I’m Jojo, they/them, Pan

 

ButtonsUpBitches: I’m their girlfriend Buttons!!! And our boyfriend Henry is busy right now, but he’s here too!

 

Crutch_This: I’m Jack’s boyfriend Crutchie!

 

WalkingMouth: And I’m their other boyfriend, David

 

Jerry: I’m Mike

 

Ben: I’m Mike

 

KenKen: I’m Ike’s boyfriend Kenny!

 

Coolbeans: There’s two Mikes?

 

RogerThat: Who’s Ike?

 

Crutch_This: Jerry is Ike, Ben is Mike, don’t trust a thing they say

 

Ben: We’re trustable!!!

 

Jerry: No we’re not

 

TweetyBirb: Moving on

 

TweetyBirb: I’m Finch, he/him, dating Tommy Boy, you’ll know him when you see him

 

BestBi: I think thats everyone

 

Coolbeans: Cool beans

 

RogerThat: Stop doing that

 

Coolbeans: COOL BEANS

 

the_spot_conlon: why cant i have separate friend groups

 

GreasedLightning: Shut up spottie were a delight

 

BestBi: I just cant believe Spot loves me

 

the_spot_conlon: alright just shut up about it would ya

 

BestBi: ❤️❤️❤️

 

Chapter Text

Singles Squad

December 14th 11:21 am 

 

Ben added Coolbeans, FirstBase, Thot_Hot, BrooklynQueen, and RogerThat to the chat

 

Ben: Welcome singles

 

Ben: If you’re not single then leave

 

Ben: None of you said you were dating anyone yesterday so I just assumed that you weren’t 

 

Thot_Hot: no 

 

Thot_Hot left the chat

 

Ben: Wow that’s exactly what Spot did 

 

RogerThat: Just think of Hot Shot as a much taller Spot Conlon

 

Ben: How much taller?

 

FirstBase: Like a foot taller

 

Ben: Wow

 

RogerThat: Yeah 

 

Coolbeans: Why were you the only person in this chat?

 

Ben: Well Race Spot Blink and Ike use to be here but they all have boyfriends now soooo

 

Coolbeans: Wait

 

Coolbeans: EVERYONE in that chat is dating someone?

 

BrooklynQueen: Didn’t you pay attention when they were introducing themselves?

 

Coolbeans: There’s like 30 of them!!!

 

Coolbeans: I don’t remember most of them

 

Coolbeans: I think the one in here has a twin?

 

Ben: Yeah I do

 

Coolbeans: Cool beans

 

RogerThat: Stop it

 

Coolbeans: COOL BEANS

 

RogerThat: NO

 

FirstBase: You can cut the sexual tension with a knife I swear

 

Coolbeans: IM ACE!!!!

 

RogerThat: Aw Swing, I’d rather get in your bed

 

FirstBase: No get away from me

 

RogerThat: But baaaaaaaabe

 

FirstBase: I’d rather have Coffee Bean

 

Coolbeans: Both of you better stay the hell away from me

 

BrooklynQueen: Alright, gentlemen, beverages, let’s cool it

 

Coolbeans: I’m not a BEVERAGE I’m a SEED

 

FirstBase: Give me your seed

 

RogerThat: That’s what she said

 

Coolbeans: Ew no

 

Ben: I think I love you guys

 

RogerThat: Eh you’re alright

 

Coolbeans: I like your twin better

 

RogerThat: You didn’t even remember if he had a twin earlier

 

Coolbeans: It's a JOKE Roger

 

RogerThat: It wasn’t FUNNY Coffee

 

FirstBase: Get a ROOM

 

BrooklynQueen: As fun as your circular arguments are

 

Coolbeans: I like my men like I like my coffee

 

Coolbeans: I don’t like coffee *finger guns*

 

Ben: But your name is “COFFEE Bean”

 

Coolbeans: Do I come into YOUR house and tell you how to live YOUR life?

 

RogerThat: I like MY men how I like my coffee

 

RogerThat: Hot and made of ground up beans

 

Coolbeans: I feel like that’s a threat???

 

FirstBase: People aren’t made of beans

 

RogerThat: Did I say men? I meant coffee

 

RogerThat: I really want coffee

 

RogerThat: Like real coffee

 

Ben: Saaaame

 

FirstBase: I like my date partners of any gender like I like my coffee

 

FirstBase: Made of mostly water

 

BrooklynQueen: I like my men like I like my women 

 

Ben: I like my men like I like my tea

 

Ben: I don’t


Girls Only

December 14th 2:12 am

 

WhoIsShe: Do you ever just

 

WhoIsShe: Wish you boobs were smaller

 

BitchUThought: Me on the daily

 

BlinkityBlink added BrooklynQueen to the chat

 

WhoIsShe: WHY IS BLINK HERE?!?!?

 

BitchUThought: I didn’t add him

 

smolbean: Me neither 

 

ButtonsUpBitches: Not me

 

A_Goddess: WTF

 

A_Goddess removed BlinkityBlink from the chat

 

BrooklynQueen: Oh thank god, other girls

 

ButtonsUpBitches: That’s what we're here for


Chappy Cholidays

December 14th 6:47 pm

 

Jerry: Who wants to get drunk and chase squirrels in the park later

 

WalkingMouth: There’s class tomorrow. 

 

ButtonsUpBitches: Yeah that was the problem with that plan

 

Ben: I ONLY DID THAT ONE TIME AND YOU WERE THERE TOO

 

GreasedLightning: Im down to yell at squirrels 

 

Jerry: It was a joke Race

 

AlbieQuiet: Hell yeah! Fuck squirrels

 

WalkingMouth: Race, Albert, no. 

 

HO-meo: Race and Albert YES

 

GreasedLightning: Hell yeah!!

 

Coolbeans: I definitely would, but I feel like whatever park you’re thinking of is too far away so I guess I’ll pass

 

GreasedLightning: Give me your # and well drunkenly chase squirrels in central park and you can drunkenly chase squirrels in prospect park and well facetime

 

Coolbeans: Cool beans!!

 

WalkingMouth: Guys no. 

 

Coolbeans: Guys YES

 

GreasedLightning: Hell yeah

 

AlbieQuiet: Hella yeahs

 

HO-meo: Hells to the yeah

 

ButtonsUpBitches: I want to videotape all of this

 

WalkingMouth: Next week is finals week guys, can’t you be responsible until finals are over

 

BestBi: I see what youre saying Dave but the way I see it is that we have until Sunday night to be completely irresponsible 

 

WalkingMouth: Jackson Francis Kelly

 

BeatBi: Hey I wasnt the one going to go chase squirrels in the park 

 

WhoIsShe: Francis?

 

BestBi: KATHERINES MIDDLE NAME IS ETHEL

 

A_Goddess: I didn’t even say anything!

 

BestBi: I dont know Sarahs middle name

 

A_Goddess: It’s Ester

 

WhoIsShe: KATHERINE!!!

 

GreasesLightning: Ah yes Ester and Ethel americas new power couple

 

A_Goddess: Antonio Spaghetti Higgins!!!

 

WhoIsShe: Antonio Ravioli Higgins!!!

 

AlbieQuiet: aNtOnIo fEtTuCcInE HiGgInS

 

BestBi: Anthony O'reilly Higgins

 

HO-meo: Damn Kelly, breaking out the Irish 

 

RogerThat: Are you Italian or Irish?

 

GreasedLightning: I’m gay

 

AlbieQuiet: IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD???

 

Crutch_This: I leave for half an hour and I come back to THIS???

 

Coolbeans: I’m ready to catch the squirrels

 

HO-meo: Hell yeah