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shall i give up?

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“See?” Donghyuck jutted his lips out, holding out the phone in front of Mark’s face. Mark scrutinized it carefully (although there was nothing to be look into exactly), fixing his glasses on his nose bridge.


“Wow, that’s a nice dick.” Mark exclaimed, inching backwards and fell slack against his chair. Donghyuck took another glance of the picture, before locking his phone and kept it buried in his pockets.


“Right?” Donghyuck blew an air, with tickled his bags as his eyes fell on mark. Mark seemed absent-minded, as the files in front of him remained forgotten under the peeping sun-rays. Mark stared fixedly outside, as if there there was something more interesting than the one sitting right across of him. It gave Lee Donghyuck another reason to compile under his note of “Why I dumped Mark Lee”.


“So,” Mark spoke, pulling Lee Donghyuck back from tearing more threads of his distressed pants, “are you going to hook up with him?”


“Well, he has a nice dick.” Donghyuck plainly stated, sprawling his arms over the small table, “and he kisses good so I don’t see why I should not.”


“Cool.” Mark nodded, and collected the files under his grip. “I’m leaving. Tell me how it goes for you later”


“Wait.” Donghyuck hands shot to grip Mark’s palms, “Don’t leave yet. I didn’t order room service yet.”


Mark shrugged off Donghyuck’s hands as of there were some kind of thing he didn’t care for anymore. Donghyuck chest fell as Mark’s chair screeched against the floor, and he stood up. Donghyuck couldn’t believe with his eyes that Mark was the one that he last dated months ago. Or that Mark was the one who begged him, to remain friends after the break up.


The door was shut, and Mark was gone from his sight. Those blue-headphones he gifted stayed behind as a painful reminder of what was, or what had been. Donghyuck, then again, added another reason to his list of “Why you should never return being friends with your ex” and it was pretty self-explanatory why he regretted every bit of his past-decisions.


Donghyuck’s pinky toe peeped out from his sandal as he noticed his disgustingly long nails. He deemed it would be better if would cut his nails, before the show because his nail might be broken under the pressure of the boots. Donghyuck was about to fetch his nail-cutter from his convenient kit, but was paused from a ring from his phone.


The heavy expensive phone was recovered frantically from the pile of interview and cue sheets, as his eyes fell upon the lock screen. He groaned in frustration as the sender had then again sent something totally uncalled for and that too in bright daylight.


A freaking dick pic.


There was that urge on the tip of Donghyuck’s fingers to chide the latter from sending him such raunchy unsolicited pictures over something they both knew was not going to happen. Donghyuck cursed himself for being so foolish and lending the other his personal number on that cursed one-night stand.


But Donghyuck didn’t type back anything, but locked the screen off simply. There was a small itch on the back of his mind, that he needed to go back in the outer world, hook up (even if it was with a stranger he only met once) and not wait for someone who didn’t give a damn about him. Donghyuck unconsciously went ahead, to unlock the phone, ignoring the piles of messages clogging up his screen to tap the gallery. He silently swiped through the pictures of Mark, them both while they were still in a well-going relationship. He stopped at one picture, admiring it with a smile. It was their last date, he remembered. Mark was still wearing the designer white bucket hat Donghyuck got him for his birthday while Donghyuck wore a plain white tee. Mark had his nose scrunched while Donghyuck daringly kissed him on his cheek.


It was good while it lasted, Donghyuck thought. But probably, it was time for him to let it go. His finger quivered as he tapped on the delete button, and hesitatingly pressed “yes”. In his mind, he calmed himself saying that there would be a copy of the same picture in Mark’s mobile or that he could retrieve it back by the help of some app. But break-ups didn’t work like that and Donghyuck knew it horribly.


Break-ups were daunting, scathing to your heart even though you were the one that called for it.


That afternoon, Donghyuck didn’t stand up from his chair, but held his phone against his chest as he wailed audibly. He couldn’t bear to the thought of wanting Mark back, because it hurt. It hurt so much.




“Donghyuck?” Donghyuck groggily walked to the front door, rubbing one of his eyes. He didn’t realize when he fell asleep on the sturdy chair. The phone was dropped on the floor and severed some cracks on the screen. Donghyuck thought, he should probably but another one when he would get the chance to go back to Japan.


“Yes…” He croaked, as his eyes adjusted to the hazy silhouette of the person standing on the doorway.


“You are late! Come on...the concert starts in 3 hours!” He was pulled despite his whines of how much he needed to sleep. The one leading him through the crowd of staffs was his manger Lee Taeyong, who contained as much stubbornness as Donghyuck did. Lee Taeyong was only older by him by 4 years, yet consisted of similar childish ministrations but had marvelous and vast knowledge of discipline and clothing.


Donghyuck was pushed on to his seat, in front of a huge mirror, with spotlights gleaming over it. The reflection of his seemed like a totally different person, with shallow dark circles, sagged skin with blemishes adorning it and dried tears that made look like the heartbroken person he was inside. But, it wouldn’t take much for stylists or the makeup artists to paint him an image that he grew old of. It was somewhat his alter ego, who always seemed handsome, sarcastic human being with a drizzle of arrogance


Lee Haechan, as everyone called him. The famous vocal rockstar, for whom every teenage girls of multiple countries lost their shit for, for whom their walls were decorated with his dark posters and for whom their diaries were decorated with disturbing heartbroken lyrics of his own songs. Donghyuck never seemed to own to his alter ego, when he was just him, among the wallows of his own hotel room drinking champagne after champagne, crying in loneliness. Or he never introduced himself as lee Haechan, when he was just a boy in love with his best friend, Mark Lee.


But he, hatefully, wore his suit of total foolishness and impassiveness, when he broke up with Mark Lee on the phone, because he couldn’t keep the relationship because of the clogging tours, interviews and that time never seemed to pay up for them.


The brush caressed his skin, his eyes rims were drawn in dark kohl as glittering eye-shadows piled over one another. Lee Taeyong, hollered behind his back for the staff to bring his outfit for the night. There were 4-5 girls busy on Donghyuck, just curling his hair strands, powdering his face and touching up his skin, to successfully transform him to the person everyone knew and was fond of.



“God…you look absolutely impeccable. I knew this Chanel jacket was made for you.” Donghyuck looked at the stretched mirror, and judged his own reflection. The sequined jacket laid heavily on his shoulder, as the inner shirt had it collars run dangerously low up to his upper abdomen, hinting the tanned skin. Lee Taeyong stopped on his knees, as he fixed the lower hems of his suit,, with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Donghyuck squirmed on his feet, as he knitted his hand open and close behind him.


“Something on your mind?” Lee Taeyong didn’t look up from fixing the artificial glinting stone on his lower button.


“Kind of.” Donghyuck mulled over how to phrase what he was about to ask.


“Did you pass the invite over to Mark? For the post-party, I mean.” The question earned a small tug on the jacket, casing Donghyuck's shoulder to cower a bit. Donghyuck was well-aware on how Taeyong despised Mark and his antics. If he could had, he would have celebrated with a party on the topic of their “break-up” since he was so overjoyed by the whole ordeal.


However, Lee Taeyong was the same person who offered him his utmost support when Donghyuck had found out that Mark was cheating on him with another guy, who was just a normal civilian with no glam or tabloids following them.



“Donghyuck…”Taeyong sighed, as he sewed the stone back to its place. He was till on his haunches, as he inspected Donghyuck’s boots for the nth time. He was pretty much the perfectionist. “I know how much you miss him. But you have to stop this whole sappy matter. You need to be over him and inviting him to your hotels or party isn’t going to help you with it.”


“But did you send the invite?”


“Yes, I did.” Taeyong stood up, and then he had his hands over Donghyuck’s collars folding it and rubbing onto he creases that seemed to curl up.


“Donghyuck, Mark is a very dodgy person and…I don’t care if it sound too protective or bossy of me but I don’t want you hurting over him, okay?” Donghyuck nodded understandingly. Taeyong grabbed his biceps, slightly squeezing it comfortingly, while he fixated his eyes over Donghyuck's softened ones.


“Today, at the party, I will try to introduce you to someone new. His name is Lucas. He is one of my friends’ cousin, born in Hog Kong but is completing his studies here, in Korea. He is funny, interesting and I am sure you will find him amazing. This is not…”


“This is a set-up.”


Taeyong chucked but continued, “Okay, this is a set-up but I, sincerely, want you to throw yourself to the world and not sit here, attached to something that doesn’t even care for you. You understand me, right?”



Donghyuck beamed, and patted Taeyong’s chest. Taeyong left him alone, in front of the mirrors, to look at his pathetic reflection. He must follow Taeyong’s advice, because probably he knew best. Donghyuck was just stupid, tripping over blunders he caused himself while Taeyong was mature, helpful and just a sweet human being that wanted the best for him


Donghyuck took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. It was time, to tear himself from his usual image and embrace his alter-ego. He cleared his throat, as he trembled his vocal cords, belting on the perfect notes, holding the itch higher, as Lee Haechan slowly unfurled himself onto him.




“Where is Taeyong?” Haechan asked, as one of the staff taped the the mic on his cheek and inserted the wire through the gap of his suit and along his back, closing it on to the receiver.


“The security had done a crummy job on handling those raging fans so some of the girls passed the bars without tickets and hopped seat or what not. Taeyong is there, you know, on the look out. They are taking care of it so don’t worry.” The staff carefully aligned his suit on his shoulder, pressing the belt gingerly on his abdomen and tightened it. Haechan warmed his vocals, thrusting his ear-piece against his ear cartilage and curled the wire along his ears.


“Could you call Taeyong here for a bit?” Lee Haechan tried to shelve his nervousness by rustling his fingers on the air, hopping on his soles and stretched his stiff calves. Taeyong was no where to be found, and he found himself drowned in the heft of the crowd while his breath hitched on his throat. He tried to gulp, as he tried to keep his panic clandestine under his feigned smile, notifying that it was alright.


It wasn’t. Nothing was on par of being alright. The crowd cheered louder, and it ricocheted off the walls of the backstage as he pulled among the hard shoulders, nudged elbows and hazy visages of people he didn’t even recognize. Taeyong was gone and he found that he was all alone. Those days in that four-walled expanse of his own breath, his cries and his own reflection looking back at him pitifully, surged back as a mirage in front of him. The lime lights blinded him, the grip on his arm felt tighter as he found himself standing on a lift to the stage.


He wanted Mark to come back. He couldn’t fathom the sensation of the cold metal metal on his palm, as it perspired in sweat. The salient faces of young girls was more visible as the stage was lifted up slowly, as his heart felt broken up to pieces he couldn’t gather.


“Haechan, best of luck!” Taeyong’s voice echoed behind him, as Haechan trained his eyes over his shoulder to shoot a last glance. He broke into a smile, feeling the chain around his heart drop, crackling on the ground.


The grayed skies hovered above Haechan, when he pressed the shell of the mic against his lips. The crowds hollered, boards of supports impeded his sight and flashes of camera surrounded him all around. His voice flowed freely, as his potency of holding out the augment, sharps smoothly grew on to he crowd. They remained swayed by the embody of modern music, that was Lee Haechan.


“Thank you.” Haechan announced on to the mic, and he was replied with multiple of whistles and screeches. Haechan’s pursed lips didn’t teeter, but his eyes was stoic while his posture emitted the enigma of his personality.


“I…” Haechan breathed, almost overwhelmed by everyone’s eyes on him, “The next song “Where we are” is one of my favorites. I think you all know it well. Today, I want to dedicate it to someone.” There were more cheers from the crowd, and crouched on his vinyl seat.


“It is though just a random name in my head. I remember my manger speaking about it some while ago.” He cleared his throat before announcing the name as the crowd edged in anticipation.




It must had been just Haechan, but he swore he could a ear-deafening scream among the people. He couldn't tell who it was although, because of the pitch-black darkness.


The concert ended on a successful note, and Haechan found himself swarmed in compliment in the backstage. Taeyong came hopping by, and engulfed the latter in a cinching hug. Donghyuck released himself with a smile, while Taeyong ruffled his hair.



“You looked fantastic on the stage. Totally gorgeous!” Taeyong lead himself to his own designated room, where heaps of snacks and food rested on a long table, with fluffy red couches aligned against the wall.


“Go ahead. The food is all yours.”


“I am pretty sure all of these would be vanished from here to your stomach. So help yourself out.” Donghyuck quipped, and plopped on one of the sofas, with his leg tangled over the other. Taeyong chuckled and pinched Donghyuck’s cheeks before owning to the space beside him on the couch.


“When you announced that you are going to address one of your songs to someone, I panicked really. I thought it was for that useless bloke, Mark. But I was relieved when you said it was Lucas. He is going to be ecstatic, I am sure.”


“Was he here today?” Lee Donghyuck snuggled to the crevice of Taeyong neck, taking the warm the crawling to his heavy conscience.


“Lucas?” Donghyuck nodded, rubbing his nose against Taeyong expensive designer jacket. It smelled of fresh laundry with a hint of cologne attaching itself to the end of the trail. “Yeah, of course! He attends every one of your shows. He also got in to your one of your early post-concert parties.”


“Oh. I kind of want to see him.” Donghyuck scrunched his nose, and itched the tickle on the tip of his nose with his nails.


“Lucas is coming to your party to night so rest assured. And speaking of rest, I think you can help yourself with a nap now.”


“Right.” Donghyuck stifled a yawn with the back of his palm, as the spitefulness of the concert seemed to lull down with the soothing massage of Taeyong’s fingers carding among his hair strands. He found himself asleep in no time, as the sturdy yet soft thighs of Taeyong’s offered him a comfortable head-rest.


When Donghyuck’s heavy eyelids fluttered open, he was welcomed with the sight of Taeyong working on laptop, serious and delving into his computer screen. Donghyuck cleared his throat, signaling Taeyong subtly that he was awake. Taeyong craned his neck towards him, the corner of his lips upwards and pointing, as he swiveled his chair to the right. He stood up, carrying a jug full of toppling water, and inched a glass towards Donghyuck.


Donghyuck sat upright, taking in the water, and gulping it through without breath. His throat was rough, almost stinging as his vocal cords dried up, without a space to speak.


“The party starts in 30. You wanna go or just…You seem awful.” Taeyong spoke, letting his words to be integrated by Donghyuck’s sleepy subspace. Donghyuck could feel his dark-circles pressing deeper, cinching his nosebridge or how his eyelids begged to close even though Donghyuck tried hard to clip it open against his forehead. Donghyuck lent the glass back to Taeyong’s hands, shaking his head disapprovingly.


Donghyuck still had the director from the record label coming up, to discuss about the new album. He couldn't bail on them for just a night worth of a healthy sleep. Donghyuck convinced himself that he could survive on the thinning nap he had gotten, which could or could not dissipate under the heaviness of drinks he had to consume later.


Donghyuck patted Taeyong’s thighs comfortingly as he noticed how his face fell for how he strong he was pretending to be.




“Yes, they will be here in an hour or so. You can gladly busy yourself in signing autograph for whoever  asks for it.”


“I am not going to drink?” Donghyuck turned his head towards Taeyong, who had his eyes straight ahead on the road.


“You can, but not as much that you will be flushed and tired. Just enough for the fun, okay?”   Taeyong steered his car through the marshal of vehicles on the either side. Donghyuck didn’t answer but stayed tight-lipped, as he wandered his eyes over the dim-lit streets. It was honestly a wonder how he hadn't seen the outside world in years, as he hung on the loop of commuting back and fro through airports, hotels and cars. It was depressing and discursive, the roads he walked on as he regretted if he would had even want to be a rockstar if he could travel back in time.


“Are there plenty of fans or just enough that I can hide from them?”


“I wouldn’t say plenty. If you aren’t informed we are marketing the sell of your albums by choosing 10 fans who bought the most of it…If you 10 is enough for you to take off on your heels than its just enough, I will say.”


The car rumbled under Donghyuck’s boots, as he stared at it harder. He looked at Taeyong, who seemed emotionless as usual as his right eyebrow convulsed under the hit of the fluorescent of the car lights.


“Right.”Donghyuck mumbled, as he realized how miserable he was. He wanted a plastic bag, heaving inside it, to find how much sir he had left inside. He wanted to sleep until everything died down. The lights, the fame , his voice and his ability to sing.


He wanted to be Lee Donghyuck, the one who could run on streets, spread his arms and scream on the top of his lungs. But the image of him being the rockstar who, could everyone name on the tip of the tongue seemed burdening, to crush his shoulders and drown him inside endless seams of water.


“Now, don’t get lost or just vanish off somewhere like you did last time.”


“I can’t have sex in public, Taeyong.” Donghyuck retorted.


“Okay, fine.” The latter rolled his eyes, knitting his fingers among the gaps of Donghyuck and gave it an assuring squeeze. “Just call me when it seems like you have to.”


“Even when you are shagging someone?”


“Even then.” Taeyong maneuvered his way through the crowd, leaving Donghyuck be the entrance. It was some extravagant club at one corner of the city, booked and closed for the limited guest for the rest of the night. The disco music grumbles in the background dimly, dizzying the faces whooshing in front of Donghyuck.


Donghyuck didn’t look for any one particular or in fact he did, but he wasn’t able to admit it. It was struggling how his mind was tugged close to the posture of a boy he knew so well; glasses hanging on his nose, black hair slicked tight and shirts tucked in his tight jeans. It was indeed despairing how his heart sung along the epithet of Mark Lee, even knowing how his heart, itself, was broken.


The singer took a swing of the pungent drink, coating his throat in bitterness contrasting how his mind actually earned for a sip of sweetness. The bartender did not glance him for the second he asked for a refill, even though, his Chanel jacket stood flamboyant as his tight trouser accentuated his toned thighs. Donghyuck was shrewdly asking for attention, because he was tired waiting for someone he knew would not come.



Donghyuck lead himself to the entrance, tipping on his toes to look for Mark. He thought if Taeyong had fooled him, saying that he had given out the invitation.


“Hey! Haechan!” The deep grumble jolted him out his reverie of anxiety when he twirled in search for that particular voice. The disco lights enlightened the impressively tall gentle man in chromatic hue. However, even the kaleidoscopic lights couldn’t restraint Donghyuck from reeling in the memory of the night alternately days before when he slept with that man. If he mulled on it, it might had been a few post-parties before.


“You? What are you doing here?” Donghyuck asked, abashed by his sudden presence. The accumulating “dick pics” stayed quiet, against any upbringing on the following topic because he was embarrassed by it.


“Ah…I was invited here. I am one of the lucky fans!” The man seemed quite different from what Donghyuck had recollected. But he couldn’t remember it immaculately given that he was muddled with spiked drinks, he didn’t remember drinking at all.


“Oh.” Donghyuck ignited down, continuing his verse of looking for Mark among the ever-growing crowd.


“Thank you for calling my name today. Thinking that you remembered made me slightly happy.”


That popped a nerve in Donghyuck’s forehead, thinking that he was the one and only “Lucas” that Taeyong talked so often about. Also that Lucas was the man he fucked, days before, and had foolishly given him the number and graced him with the opportunity of sending him “dick pics”. Moreover, he had a nice dick which didn’t remember putting inside him whatsoever.


“Okay…” Donghyuck trailed. He couldn’t quite decipher the rage that build inside him, when he saw the smirk glint among the darkness on Lucas’s face.


“So what do you say about the dick pics you have been sending? What, you thought you could score another night with me just you already did once?”


“What dick pics I’ve been sending?” Donghyuck almost spitted, looking at how innocent Lucas actually acted. And the fact, that he was pretty believable too.


“Oh my god!” Donghyuck exclaimed, chuckling darkly, “you are really good at this. How about I report you to someone, for invading my privacy?”


“I didn’t know that sending dick pics was invading someones pics privacy.” Lucas carelessly shrugged.

“On top of that, what is it that you are going to report, ‘oh police officer~’ he feigned a low-pitch voice, screeching uncomfortably, “’arrest him, he’s been sending me his dick pics everyday~”


Lucas huffed, as he took a sip of his own drink, staring down at the disgusted expression Donghyuck had been holding. He pursed his lips, and gurgled his throat.


“Believe me, it sounds more kinky than normal.”


Donghyuck fidget his fingers inside his pocket, looking for his phone. Swiping across the screen, successfully ignoring one message that Mark had sent, he pushed well lit screen towards Lucas’s face. It was a quite a reach, so Donghyuck hissed as he tip-toed on his boots.


“Oh, this isn’t my number.” Lucas peered closer, squinting at the number, “Oh.”


Lucas laughed, shaking his shoulders as he did so. Donghyuck embarrassingly retracted his hand, and buried his phone into his pocket.


“I might have or not shared your number with my friend. Sorry.” He sheepishly rubbed his nape, and looked anywhere but Donghyuck’s face. Donghyuck only rolled his eyes for emphasis, and sighed. That was exactly he meant, when he said he regretted giving his number to anyone.


“So all this time I have been looking at your friend’s dick?”


“Afraid so.”


“God.” Donghyuck palmed his face, exhausted, as his mind was rained in pebbles of sheer embarrassment.


“Come on, “ Lucas cheered as he bent to match Donghyuck’s height, “It’s not that bad. You might have seen a stranger’s dick but as a matter of fact, it is extremely a good dick.”


“Shut up!” Donghyuck lightly punched Lucas on his jaw, causing the latter to mutter a groan of pain. Donghyuck frantically scrambled his hand to hold his face, since he thought the punch was really strong unconsciously or that the latter was extremely weak. But Lucas only guffawed uncontrollably, while the Donghyuck caught his waist and looked at him with a dead-panned stare.


“Now, it did hurt a little. You have a mighty fist!” Lucas raised his hands and punched the air with a unwavering grin, “Help me fix it?”


Donghyuck nodded, and followed Lucas to the bar and ordered another round of drinks.


“I must say though,” Lucas pushed took the drink in a shot before continuing, “You looked really solemn today. At the show and now too. If it’s too prodding , don’t answer but is there something up?”


Donghyuck noted how talkative Lucas was, comparing to Mark and it seemed timidly different. He affirmed the question with a “yes” to which Lucas swiped another glass over the marble table-top.


“I broke up with someone a few weeks ago. We lasted quite some days, actually.”


“So you are still not over him? Miss him?” The voice that Lucas had used warmed Donghyuck’s innards, he couldn’t quite understand why. Lucas, all in all, was a stranger but the way how he twisted the heart string tugging his weight down, made him ponder on Lucas for a while.


“I guess I miss him. I mean, we broke up on a pretty bad note. I found him cheating on me with some other guy so more like ‘had’ to end the relationship. We are weirdly hanging on this friendship or something.” Donghyuck sipped on drink, and proceeded to bite the straw. It was a ingrained habit of his, to bite on straws, and falling helplessly for strangers offering you a drink. He had to be careful not to to hop over that fence called, “politeness” but how Lucas looked at him with his wide eyed curiousness made him feel fidgety inside. Perhaps, he was just vulnerable to whatever affection people showed him.


“I don’t know you, Haechan. As mean as that sounds, but I can assure you that I have felt that feeling once. The feeling on being sucked in a pointless void, where you don’t even know where you are heading.” Lucas pulled the tall glass from Donghyuck’s mouth, for him to bite on to nothing. The latter laughed, and told him not to bite on to straws like that.


“It’s not easy but you must learn how to make it easy, okay? From first…” He inched his hand towards Donghyuck and pointed at the telltale on his jacket, where his phone was hidden. Donghyuck pulled the phone out, and the last message was highlighted on the screen. His heart felt like breaking into pieces, as he flickered his eyes over the green row.


“Sorry, Hyuck! Can’t come today.”


Donghyuck wondered that how many of those same robotic messages was needed to show him his place. He felt embarrassed, as Lucas bent down to inspect his expression hidden under his curtained bangs.


Donghyuck, spitefully, pressed the phone off and pushed it back to his pocket. Lucas, thinned his lips to a straight line, and nudged Donghyuck with a poke on his palm. Donghyuck looked up to welcomed with a wide grin, and a small nod.


“Can I ask for a hug? I sound really stupid, don’t I? I only met you today and…” Before he could continue he was snuggled into Lucas’s warmth, brushing his cheekbones against the roughness of his shirt. Lucas buried his nose inside the tousled blonde hair of Donghyuck's, pressing a small kiss on his crown.


Donghyuck took a deep inhale, as he slowly wrapped himself from the embrace, and averted his eyes on to his boots. Lucas shifted on his position, and turned straight ahead to the array of drinks decorated on the shelves.


“You are really nice, Haechan. You have the nicest voice, prettiest looks and the most expensive clothing. It doesn’t really show how hollow you are inside for the people who actually see you. How lonely you are, and that’s…”Lucas cleared his throat while tear drops decorated his skin like pearls. He hurriedly brushed the edge of his sleeves against his eyelashes.


“I think I am going to go.” Donghyuck blurted and stood up abruptly from the vinyl seat. The bartender looked at then, as he took away the drinks from their possession.


“Where?” Lucas twisted his neck, his face painted in impatience. It was as if he had something to say, but he couldn’t form the words with his lips. The smell of burnt cinnamon wafted under his nose, as Donghyuck took an inhale.


“I have an interview in a few minutes.” It was a lie, he still had hours to drag by. “The drinks are on my tab, so you don’t need to pay for these. I will send an autographed album by tomorrow and my manager will gift you directly. Thank you for listening to me, but I’ll appreciate it if you forget these by today.”


Lee Haechan was someone Donghyuck hated, despised to his bones. But sometimes, it was so easy to be him. Like when he had broken up with Mark over a phone call, or how he had rejected Lucas. But the burdens that followed it, would be pitifully carried by Donghyuck. Therefore, he sometimes wished, he never had to be Donghyuck ever.


“I’ll wait for you.” But that wish was left unheard, as Donghyuck climbed the stairs to the VIP room. The room, as usual to his life, was empty of souls except Donghyuck’s own breath ricocheting back to him.


It was a good 2 hour after that, when men in suits entered the extravagant room with their suitcases and what not. They discussed and argued about Donghyuck’s next album, and pushed their opinions forcefully on Donghyuck, as if his didn’t even matter. But Donghyuck didn’t cry, didn’t smile but only accepted what was given to him. He didn’t want to lose anything anymore.


Taeyong informed Donghyuck to go ahead downstairs, and that he would be come by in a minute. Taeyong still had concepts to negotiate about with them, even serve them drinks, shamelessly lick up to them since that could only help Donghyuck hold the spot where he was, had been and would be. When he said that he owed to Taeyong a lot, he wasn’t kidding. He owed him everything.


“Hey.” The club was empty, and Donghyuck eyes fell on the tall man leaning against the staircase. Lucas waited for him, and he didn’t know why it felt like butterflies fluttered inside him. If Donghyuck tried, he wouldn’t be lonely like that. If only he could look for the right people, he wouldn’t be miserable like that. Perhaps, it was his fault.


“Why did you wait?”


“I wanted you to sign my album by yourself. In front of my eyes.”


“Why ?Did you think I was a fraud?” Donghyuck smiled lazily, as he caught the cardboard cover on his rip. Lucas handed him a pen, to scribble with. Donghyuck scratched the surface on the corner, with his initials, “D.L” Just because.


“Thank you!” Lucas was unusually chirpy which made Donghyuck furrow his brows, at his surged excitement. That time, maybe, he could afford for a one-night stand and give him his number after. Perhaps, it wasn’t a one-night stand anymore.


“Do you like room service?”


“Y-yeah, I do.”


“I could arrange some for you at my room.” But his bottom lips was soon conquered with Lucas’s soft one, as he continued unlocking it with sot ministrations. Donghyuck had his arms wrapped around Lucas’s neck, pulling him closer, kissing his breath.


“Thank you.” Lucas pinched Donghyuck’s cheeks softly, and pressed a fleeting kiss on the tip of his nose.


“Your welcome, Donghyuck.”