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Make everything alright

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'I promise, I'll make it up to you.' Lister had said. 'I'll make everything alright.'

Lister had thought that by agreeing to not, in fact, hand over Rimmer, but instead to hand over a spoon, he would have already made it up to him. But as he worked his way through the hundreds of pages of paperwork (which had blurred together, so that he was no longer sure what sheets belonged to 'Fire', 'Airlock Accident', 'Airlock Safety' or 'Airlock Accident 2') he could see that Rimmer was... Well, not that happy, to say the least.

'Look, man, I'm sorry about what happened to Professor Edgington.'

'No you're not.'

'Yes, I am. I could see you liked each other.'

'Oh, and you care what I think, do you?' said Rimmer, picking up one of the sheets. 'Is that why you haven't even begun to work on- What even is an "Electric Boogaloo"?' Rimmer shoved the piece of paper in front of Lister's nose.

'Oh, that... "Airlock Accident 2: Electric Boogaloo". It's an old film.' Lister shrugged. 'As for what one is, I don't think anyone knows. I just thought it was funny.'

'Of course you did.' Rimmer sank down onto the chair opposite Lister. 'You think everything's funny, don't you?'

'Well, no, not everything.' Lister responded.

'Messing around with airlocks, playing with people's feelings... Poker.'

Lister looked up from trying to decide which box he should tick on one of the many forms. 'This isn't still about that poker game, is it? I said I was sorry!'

'Yet it's quite clear, isn't it?'

'What is?'

'Come on, I'm not stupid, I know you know what I'm talking about.'

'No I don't?' Lister shook his head.

'Come on. You know you know.'

'I don't know. Rimmer, I don't know.'

'You don't know?'

'No. What are you talking about.'

'Why did I think you'd ever care. You don't even see me as a person, to you, I'm just a thing. A thing. To be lost. In a game of poker.'

'That's not true! I see you as a person. A person who's being very annoying.'

'Oh, yes, because who cares how I feel, so long as I keep you sane, Mr Last-Of-His-Kind!'

'That's not true and you know it.'

'Oh, really? May I remind you why there's a form in front of you called "Airlock Accident 2"?'

'It was called "Airlock Accident 2". Now it's "Airlock Accident 2: Electric Boogaloo".' Lister pointed to the two words he had scrawled next to the title.

'Someone, Lister, put the rest of the forms down in front of the airlock.'

'I know.'

'And a certain professor tripped over them, into the airlock.'

'I'm sorry.' Lister stood up.

'And pressed the release, meaning, Lister, that-'

'I'll make it up to you.' Lister interrupted, walking over to where Rimmer was sat.

'Instead of being available for a date, with me, she instead ended up being-' Rimmer broke off. He suddenly had a second tongue in his mouth, which made it hard to finish the sentence he was saying.

A few seconds later he stared at Lister, who had now withdrawn his tongue, in shock.

'Lister what the smeg?'

'I don't know, man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. You're a person. You deserve to be treated like one. It was what Professor Edgington would have done.' Lister sighed. 'But I guess I just made it-'

This time it was Lister's turn to be interrupted by a second tongue in his mouth.

'Wait... Does this mean you forgive me?'

'No, it means that I'll think about it. You've still got a load of forms to fill out and the words "Electric Boogaloo" to Tipp-Ex over.' Rimmer stood up as Lister sank back into his chair, groaning at the prospect of filling out hundreds of pages. 'And next time, don't eat a vindaloo before you stick your tongue down my throat.'