Chapter 1: Body Electric
Steve was circling his finger around his mark. His bond with Bucky has gone through decades worth of trauma but now, they're relatively comfortable. Enough to maybe, just maybe..
Steve whined as his heat woke up from his post-coital rest. He had been so caught up with his thought of wanting a pup that he didn't even realize it was time again. He looked around but couldn't find his Alpha. He needed Bucky.
"Buck..." Steve whined louder.
His heat seemed stronger than normal. Was it because he didn't realize it was coming? Was it because Bucky wasn't in their bed? or maybe it was because he's been thinking of pups lately? Steve was aggressively groping his crotch as he thought of it. Bucky fucking him hard and rough during his whole heat, knotting him over and over. Steve finding out he's pregnant with their pup once the heat is over. Bucky running his hands down Steve's swollen belly, kissing and talking to their unborn child. Watching Bucky's eyes brighten with joy and happiness as he holds their child for the first time.
Bucky was rinsing his face off. He had another nightmare but didn't want to wake Steve again. His nightmares have been appearing more often. He thought he was over this. He got better. He spent the whole night just punching bags left and right in the gym. He needed to let some stress out. He didn't fall victim to the trigger words anymore. He had his memories back. He worked on his self-loathing. He wasn't completely okay but he was better. He hated this. He put Steve through so much grief. The worst of it was when Bucky reappeared and not only didn't know who "Bucky" was but didn't recognize his own omega. But all of that was in the past.
The thing that bothered Bucky was that this nightmare was new. It wasn't about Hydra or what he did over those seventy years or even all the broken pieces of when Steve chased after him. It was about a baby. Bucky grind his teeth. He remembers. They tried once. A long time ago. But like most things in Bucky's and Steve's life, it didn't work out. Steve got sicker when he got pregnant but he was so sick back then. He didn't stay pregnant long and it destroyed him. Bucky was there but he had to be strong for Steve but he was just as broken on the inside. This new nightmare was a thing of the past long gone. It would start out nice. Steve and him happy with their baby. A little girl with brunette hair and beautiful blue eyes. Then he blinks and sees a crib with a baby that is forever silent and his metal hand around his omega's throat, gasping for air.
Bucky stops. The thoughts need to go way. He suddenly has the urge to cuddle with his beloved omega. He wants to feel safe. Secure. He finally leaves the gym and head back to their home. He's been away too long and Steve must be awake by now.
Bucky walks in their home and he nearly falls back from the aroma. He slams the door shut and practically runs to Steve. His heat came. Bucky thought there was more time but his nightmares have been preoccupying his mind lately. He bursts into their bedroom and sees Steve whining and gasping for his alpha.
"Alpha.." Steve cries out. "Please, Alpha!"
"I'm here, Stevie." Bucky soothes him with a gentle kiss.
"Make love to me."
"I'm here, babydoll."
Steve is already beautifully naked and rolling his hips. Bucky practically rips his clothes off and kisses all of Steve. He grabs some lube and wets his fingers to prepare his lovely omega. Steve begs for Bucky to get inside of him. Steve always wants Bucky but his heats make him so much more needy. Bucky is so hard. He wants to be inside of Steve too but he never wants to hurt Steve. Never again.
"Alpha." Steve groans as he thrusts against Bucky's fingers.
"So ready for me." Bucky sighs into Steve's neck.
Bucky pulls his fingers away and lines his cock at Steve's hole.
"Say it." Bucky teases.
"Please Alpha." Steve pants.
"Anything for you, Omega."
Steve's heat finally settled down after three days of non-stop love making. He wakes up in a sleeping Bucky's arms. His heat is over but he still feels his desires. He still wants it. Thankfully, the pair are still naked. Steve is still stretched out and Bucky is half hard. He slowly climbs over his sleeping mate and gently sinks himself onto his cock. Steve gasps as he slowly started to bounce on his mate's cock, making it harder. Bucky always used condoms when they made love but this time, Steve made sure Bucky didn't have one. It's been a long time since they did it raw. Ever since...
"Oh god!" Bucky gasped as he suddenly grabbed Steve's hips. Hard.
"You're so big..Alpha." Steve threw his head back as he bounced harder.
"You feel so good."
"You always fuck me just right."
Bucky began thrusting into Steve, going deeper. Steve grabbed the headboard so hard his knuckles turned white. Steve could feel it. Bucky was close. Just a little longer and then..
"Steve." Bucky groaned. "Are we going..raw?"
"Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I love feeling all of you." Steve slammed himself on Bucky's cock. "You're so good."
"Give me a baby, Buck. I want your pups."
Bucky started to sob. No, he thought, God no.
"COLD." Bucky shrieked at the top of his lungs.
Steve was in such a euphoric state that he didn't react and Bucky had to push him off. "Buck?"
Bucky jumped off their bed and locked himself in their bathroom.
"Bucky!" Steve shouted, trying to follow him. "Bucky, talk to me."
"I- Just give me a moment." Bucky shakily say, holding himself in the bathroom. "I'm okay, Stevie. I'm okay."
Steve sat on the edge of their bed and waited. He knew Bucky wasn't alright.
Chapter 2: I'm Not Okay
Bucky tries to put a mask on after his scare but Steve wants to talk about it.
For the record, this is the second story I've written that involves babies. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE BABY FEVER. I do work at a daycare though...>_>
I just like stories that involves baby making, love making, pregnancy and TRAGEDY.
Bucky spends some time in the bathroom, trying to calm himself. All he can think about is the nightmare. The silent baby. His metal hand on Steve's throat. He thought he was over all of this but it still haunts him. Everything still haunts him. He eventually calms down enough to be able to walk out of the bathroom. Steve is sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting in silence. He doesn't lift his head when he hears Bucky walk towards him. His omega instincts are getting to him. He thinks he disappointed Bucky. He thinks he did something wrong. Bucky rubs his face with his hands. He knows what Steve is doing. They're both still naked. Steve is still a mess.
"Steve." Bucky spoke his name.
Steve didn't move. He wouldn't budge. He disappointed his Alpha.
"Steve." Bucky growls.
That time, Steve flinched. But he kept his head down. He waited.
"Omega." Bucky showed teeth this time.
He cups Steve's face roughly and forced his blue eyes to look into his dark ones.
"Alpha." Steve whines.
"You look at me when I am speaking to you." Bucky said in a low voice.
"I'm sorry, Alpha. I'm so sorry."
"Why wouldn't you look at me?"
"I disappointed you. I made you angry."
"You could never, Stevie."
"I can make it up to you."
"Steve, just stop. I ruined everything for us."
Bucky pulled away and Steve stood up and grabbed Bucky's metal arm.
"Was it me?" Steve whimpered. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I didn't mean to."
"Stevie.." Bucky puts his flesh hand on Steve's face. "It wasn't you. It's me."
"It was another nightmare, wasn't it?"
"That wasn't nothing, Buck. You used our safeword. You never use the safeword. And I ignored it."
"I mean you were pretty fucked, Steve. I'm surprised you were able to even move your hips still."
"Bucky, tell me. Why did you safeword?"
Bucky bit his lip. He hated that he was still this way. After all this time.
"I had a nightmare." Bucky leaned his head against Steve's neck.
"Was it Hydra again?" Steve embraced Bucky. "It's okay."
"It wasn't any of the usual nightmares. It was a new one."
Steve pulled Bucky to bed and sat next to him on the edge.
"What was the nightmare?" Steve was worried, never letting go of Bucky's hand.
"We had a pup." Bucky's voice almost cracked. "A little girl with dark hair and bright blue eyes. She looked like you except for my hair. We were happy. It was nice."
"Then, I blinked and she wasn't saying anything. She was in her crib, completely silent. And my metal hand was around your throat, Stevie. And I was killing you. After I had killed our pup."
Steve hugged Bucky tight. Tears fell down Bucky's face as he held onto Steve as tight as he could.
"It's okay, Bucky." Steve soothed him. "It was just a dream."
"It's more than that." Bucky pulled away.
"Bucky, you're doing just fine."
"I know you want a pup but I can't."
"Buck, I'm not who I used to be. I can handle it this time. We can do this."
"Steve, just stop. I'm not okay."
Chapter 3: House Of Memories
Bucky takes some time to himself and thinks about the baby that died before he and Steve ever got to meet her.
He left Steve alone in their home and went on a walk. He hated leaving Steve like that but he needed time. He sat on a bench in a park and heard a sound that shattered his heart. He looked over and saw two fathers with their daughter. Laughing. Playing. Smiling.
"Buck?" Steve whispered.
"Hmm?" Bucky slouched on the couch after a day at the docks.
Steve held his small frame. He looked smaller than normal. Bucky was exhausted but he forced himself to sit up.
"Stevie, what's wrong?" Bucky pushed. "Are you hurting?"
"Not exactly." Steve whimpered.
"What is it?"
Bucky's heart stopped. He looked at Steve's fragile stomach. A pup. Inside of Steve. HIS pup. Bucky kneel on his knees and crawled to Steve, pressing his ear against Steve's stomach. He didn't hear anything but he needed to be close. Close to his omega and his pup.
"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve's voice cracked. "I didn't mean it."
"What?" Bucky looked up to crying blue eyes.
"I know you don't want pups. It wasn't on purpose though, I swear."
Bucky stood up and placed his hands on Steve's face. He gave him the longest breath taking kiss he ever has.
"I only want pups with you." Bucky breathed. I never said I didn't want pups. I just don't want you to suffer because of me."
"I'll suffer for you. And this pup." Steve sighed into his mouth.
If only Bucky knew how much Steve would come to suffer, he would have stopped it. Or at least try to. The following weeks were hard. Harder than they've ever been used to. Steve was a weakly thing. He rarely even got heats but when he did, they were like knives. Sex was just as rare. Steve was so sick all the time. He had many problems. While Steve was happy, he had a fear and Bucky knew the fear. If Steve made it through the pregnancy, there was no telling if he would give birth to a baby just like himself. Bucky kissed those thoughts away. They'd be fine, he would tell Steve. The cruelest thing about it all was they got to know the gender then their world burned.
Steve was four months pregnant when they finally got to know. A baby girl. He looked so weak. Like a ghost. The pregnancy was hard. Bucky was scared of losing the baby or Steve. Or both. But he kept it together for Steve. He worked extra shifts for them.
"A girl." Steve croaked. "A little girl."
"Yeah." Bucky smiled. "She's gonna be a beaut."
"She's going to look like her handsome daddy."
"You think? I say she'll look like her beautiful ma."
Life is cruel like that. It has always been cruel to Steve and Bucky. It couldn't wait a week or even a day. It had to happen that same day. Bucky will never forget that bloodcurdling scream. The red liquid on their bed. But the thing that stayed with him the most was the news.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes." was all he heard from the doctor.
She died before they ever met her.
Bucky sighed into his hands. Hydra took a lot from him but he never forgot that night. He never forgot Steve's suffering. He never forgot Sarah Winnifred Barnes.
Chapter 4: Anything For You
Rejection is hard and Steve takes it very hard.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
The silence is deafening. Steve can't stand it. He holds his stomach. He feels like he was small again. He didn't think about it. He was so consumed with his desire for a pup that he never once considered that Bucky would be afraid. He used to be more considerate. Back then, when he was sick, he had been so afraid to tell Bucky at first. He knew a baby was impossible back then but when Bucky kissed him after sharing the news, he felt he could have survived it. But of course, life is never kind. His stomach felt twisted. God, he loved Bucky so much. He really did. He curled up on their bed, holding himself. Bucky was going to stop loving him. What if Bucky decided to sever the bond? Steve sobbed at the thought. He couldn't lose Bucky again.
Steve thinks about their unborn baby a lot. He remembers how Bucky used to always have his head on his stomach. How he used to always talk to Steve's stomach. When that baby became a reality, nothing was suddenly cruel to them. But that bliss only lasted four months. It wasn't fair. Steve didn't even get the chance to look moderately round. Just barely. They had just found out that Steve was going to give Bucky a baby girl. They dreamed of what she was going to look like. They even had a name picked out when his body killed her.
Steve remembers the crying. He cried so much he's surprised his lungs didn't collapse. Bucky never cried though. He spent all their time, comforting Steve. Telling him it wasn't his fault. But god, Steve knew it was his fault. How was he supposed to take care of their baby when he couldn't take care of his own fragile body? After he got the serum and they were reunited during the war. They made love that night Steve had rescued Bucky and those men. Steve had wanted Bucky to heal up but Bucky needed him. Bucky was his alpha and Steve would do anything for his alpha. They didn't have condoms at the time so Bucky would always pull out. Steve hated that. He hated the condoms. He hated Bucky's refusal at having another pup. At the time, during the war, it was understandable but they talked about after the war. Steve was going to keep Bucky safe. They were going to get a nice house in Brooklyn. Bucky wanted to keep being a soldier. Steve was going to keep being Captain America. Steve even wanted to marry Bucky. But all those dreams burned when Bucky fell from the train. His mark hurt for a long time after that. Alcohol couldn't numb it. It was only the second worse pain he ever felt.
The third pain he'd ever feel in his life was when he woke up in the future and found out he was pregnant with Bucky's pup for the second time.
But like the first time, it didn't last long. After he woke up, aliens invaded and he lost the pup when he had been blasted in the abdomen by a Chitauri during the invasion of New York. He knew right away but he had to keep fighting. He didn't tell anyone he was pregnant. When he finally found a moment of silence, he grieved. He lost everyone when he woke up in the future and for a moment, he wasn't alone but it was taken from him in a blink of an eye. It was like losing Bucky all over again. He moved on eventually. Then Bucky was revealed to be alive but Hydra had gotten a hold of him. Steve remembers the begging. The obsession for Bucky to remember they were mates. Bucky wasn't who he used to be. He's slowly trying now but back then, Hydra had ripped him apart. He remembers telling Bucky he loved him as Bucky just screamed at him and said Steve was his mission.
Steve shook his head. That's all in the past now. He never told Bucky about the second pregnancy. They were finally in a good place and Steve wanted to finally have a pup with the man he loved. He knew marriage may not be in the cards but he wanted to give Bucky a pup at least. Bucky's rejection broke him though. He knows Bucky is always going to struggle but he still pushed. Steve rubbed his mark. He was afraid Bucky wasn't going to love him anymore. He was afraid he was a bad Omega. Steve gripped onto his mark. He just loved Bucky so much. He had been in love with Bucky since they were kids. Back when they didn't even know what love was. Steve had loved Bucky before he even heard of love. Steve just kept holding himself. Why did Steve always hurt Bucky by loving him?
"Steve." Bucky's voice suddenly broke the silence.
"Buck?" Steve whimpered, never moving.
Bucky laid on the bed, curling up behind Steve. Steve turned around to face his beloved alpha. He needed to see Bucky's face.
"I'm sorry." Steve caressed Bucky's face.
"It's okay. I was in the wrong." Bucky kissed the palm of Steve's shaken hand.
"I should have known better."
"Steve, we're not who we used to be. And you know I'll never be completely fixed again."
"I know. I'm sorry."
Bucky pressed his lips against Steve's needy ones.
"Do you want a pup?" Steve whispered.
"I don't know how to answer that." Bucky sighed into Steve's neck. "But I love you more than anything."
"If you don't want a pup, it's okay."
"I know you want a pup, Steve."
"I've had time to myself. I shouldn't have pushed it. I'll suffer for you. I just want to make you happy."
I'll suffer for you. And this pup.
Bucky rolled on top of Steve and began to kiss him passionately. He didn't want to hear that. The last time he said that, he did suffer for him and the pup they lost. He didn't want to make Steve suffer anymore. All he ever did now was hurt Steve. God, Bucky loved Steve so much.
"You'll let me inside?" Bucky begged against Steve's lips.
"Anything for you, alpha." Steve panted.
Bucky opened their nightstand and pulled out a condom. Steve hid his disappointment and opened himself for his lover. Then they made love all night long.
I know subdrop tends to be from BDSM but because Alpha and Omegas have that strong bond, one could go through a similar thing should they ever be greatly rejected or abandoned.
JUST GO WITH IT.
I know I probably was bad at it BUT STEVE AND BUCKY ARE SO SAD.
Chapter 5: Heaven Knows
Bucky confides in Natasha and Steve tells Sam a secret.
BEAR WITH ME, PEOPLE.
The next morning, Bucky woke up in a cold bed. Steve left a message on his phone.
SS: Went on a jog with Sam.
Bucky rolled out of bed. He preferred sparring with Natasha. Other times, he'd sit with Natasha and just converse in Russian. She knew what Hydra did to him. The KGB was no kinder to her. He sent her a message and decided to meet her in the gym. He needed a workout after the "workout" from last night. He also needed to get stuff off his chest.
"A pup, huh?" Sam huffed after their jog.
"He's pulling all the stops to avoid knocking me up." Steve muttered. "Then he tells me about this nightmare."
"I think he's in the right to feel like this."
"I understand it too. I'm just lost on how to deal with it."
"Steve, look, he was under Hydra for seventy years. I mean I don't want to say it but is there a possibility that he may not be able to knock you up?"
"You think Hydra did something like...that?"
"I don't know. It would explain his bad reaction to you wanting a pup."
Steve went quiet for a long while. Bucky won't talk about Hydra most of the time. Sometimes he might mention something but he mostly keeps it to himself.
"Am I being selfish?" Steve asked.
"I won't say selfish but you guys aren't on the same chapter, ya know?" Sam reassured. "You gotta get on the same page. Then, you go from there."
"Then may I be honest?"
"You doing better, soldat?" Natasha asked.
Bucky punched the punching bag as hard as he could. Thank god for Stark for making the bags stronger. Bucky and Steve keep beating them off the hook and into the walls.
"Not really." Bucky muttered.
"Want to talk about it?" Natasha asked.
"Not really but I will."
"Go on, tell Mama Widow."
"What in the hell, Natalia?"
"Just tell me."
Bucky rolled his eyes but took the deepest breath he could.
"Steve wants a pup but I just can't do it." Bucky admitted. "I know he's not sick anymore but god, I can't help but think of our little Sarah."
"That's understandable. You lost a baby." Natasha soothed.
"But I'm a little...annoyed."
"Steve, god. He just keeps trying."
"He wants you to be happy."
"You know what he said?"
"I'll suffer for you."
Natasha crooked her head.
"When he was pregnant before, that's what he said. 'I'll suffer fro you. And this pup.' Let me tell you, if I could go back and stop it, I would have. Steve shouldn't suffer. He doesn't deserve it." Bucky sighed.
"And you feel like your nightmare will be a reality." Natasha nodded.
"I mean think about it. I still have these nightmares. I twitch in my sleep. I still hear their voices. I'm never going to be okay. One day, I might kill Steve and I don't know if I'd ever forgive myself if I hurt our pup. Don't get me wrong, T'Challa has done wonders but it's never going to go away."
"But you're better than you used to be. That has to count for something. And you'll never be alone. You and I both know what it felt like to be on your own. Even if we were controlled. You don't need to be afraid to feel. Steve will be there. He went to hell and back for you."
"I'm not saying giving him a pup is to repay him for all of it but I'm telling you to give him what he can get, you know?"
"I think I might be pregnant." Steve whimpered.
"I'd say congrats but something is stopping me from saying it." Sam frowned.
"What am I going to do? Buck may it clear he couldn't handle this."
"It was an accident, I swear. I wanted a pup with Bucky but God, not again."
"Steve, it'll be okay."
"God, maybe I'm being stupid. I can't go through this a third time."
Sam arched an eyebrow. "Third?"
Steve covered his mouth with his hand. He didn't mean it. God, he didn't mean it.
"Steve, what the hell are you talking about?" Sam pushed Steve to talk.
"When I came out of the ice, I found out I was a few weeks pregnant with Buck's pup." Steve admitted. "Then the invasion happened and I lost it."
"How did you..."
"Take a guess, Sam."
"Does Bucky know?"
"No, this was before I even knew he was alive. And after everything we've been through, what do you think this will do to him?"
"You gotta tell Bucky about this one at least."
"I know but I'm scared. What if he won't love me anymore? All I ever do is hurt Buck when I love him."
Sam didn't know what to say. He was a beta. He didn't know what it was like to have this tragic love that Bucky and Steve had. All he could do is be a friend and pat him on the back, telling him he's there no matter what. It wasn't much but it was enough for Steve to take a deep breath.
Chapter 6: Haunting
Steve tells Bucky and Bucky opens up to Steve.
So I realized this is gonna be longer than I thought. I just can't help but write this sad baby making story.
"You got to tell Bucky about this one at least."
Steve paced back and forth. Sam is right. Bucky deserves to know about this one. But he's afraid. He's afraid about telling him he's pregnant and he's afraid of telling him about the second miscarriage. Maybe it won't hurt as much. He wasn't there when it happened. Hydra had him but maybe he was under ice at the time. Steve bit his lip. He was telling himself all sort of lies. He's tired of hurting Bucky.
"Steve?" Bucky's voice called his name.
"I'm in the bedroom." Steve whined.
Steve took a deep breath as Bucky walked into the bedroom. He always smelled so sweet to Steve. But after this conversation, Steve wasn't sure how Bucky was going to smell.
"I have to talk to you." Steve said in a small voice.
"What's going on?" Bucky got closer, worried.
Steve pushed Bucky on the edge of their bed and took a step back. Bucky's eyes watched Steve's every move. He was concerned for his mate. Steve acted distant. That was Bucky's biggest problem. His omega was never distant. Even when Bucky was the Winter Soldier.
"I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant." Steve whispered.
"But this isn't the second one." Steve whimpered.
"What do you mean, this isn't the second one?" Bucky almost growled.
"When I woke up from the ice, I found out I was pregnant a second time but I lost it too."
Bucky stood up and looked into Steve's eyes. He was enraged. He was now finding out that Steve lost a second pup. Steve kept looking away. Bucky hated when Steve did that. He grabs Steve's chin and forces him to look Bucky in the eyes.
"It was an accident, Buck." Steve begged. "I swear. I want a pup with you but I didn't mean to get pregnant on purpose."
"Steve." Bucky growled this time.
"Please don't make me get rid of this one. I can't go through it a third time. Let me finally give you a pup."
Bucky pulled away and rubbed his face in the palm of his hands. His hands were twitching again. He could hear Pierce's voice in his head. He could hear Zemo saying his trigger words. Steve reaches for him but Bucky pulls away. He doesn't trust himself to hold his omega. Not right now. He's not angry. He's not even heartbroken. He's just...nothing right now. He's lost two pups.
"Buck, say something." Steve begged.
"I love you, Steve." It's the only thing Bucky could say at this moment.
"I love you too."
"I thought about you a lot after Hydra fell. It took a while but I could only remember bits and parts for a long while. Two years and I only got a handful of memories. But I never forgot how much I loved you and I never forgot Sarah. I remembered the happy times but I remembered the bad times too. Like when you lost Sarah. Like when I fell from the train. Like when your ma died. God, I remember when your ma died. It killed you. You didn't want me to touch you for a while. You just wanted to mourn by yourself but I wouldn't let you and I let you hit me for a while. Your dad was gone and now your ma was gone."
Steve remembered. He was so destroyed when his mother died. Bucky already knew the loss but Steve felt lost for a while. Bucky kept trying to hold him close but he didn't want to be touched. Steve always screamed at Bucky to leave him alone but his mate refused. It finally came to a halt when Steve slapped Bucky but Bucky didn't budge. Bucky understood and loved Steve more than anything.
"I remember. You were always there." Steve cooed.
"I remember the first time I found out your dad hit your ma." Bucky continued. "You wouldn't admit it. But I know that's why you were scared to bond at first. But I have loved you all our lives and I would have kept loving you even if you never became my mate."
"You were so angry. I remember putting my arms up because I thought you were going to hit me. But you were angry because you felt I didn't trust you enough."
"When they used to wipe me, my last thought was always you. I hated it because it was the worst kind of pain but what made it hurt the most was the fact they were taking you from me over and over. You and Sarah. My mate and my pup that I never got to meet. Then you were there before my eyes and I didn't know you. I didn't know my own mate."
"That's over now, Buck. They won't hurt you anymore."
"They knew you were my mate. Rumlow used to taunt me about how close he got to you. How he'd mark you over our bond mark. Yet I couldn't get angry because I was the Winter Soldier. And they were always wiping me."
Steve caressed Bucky's face. He was talking about his life under Hydra. Steve knew this was big. Bucky put his hand over Steve's. He loved Steve so damn much.
"I'll try." Bucky whispered.
"Try what?" Steve asked.
"I'll try to get better. For you and the pup."
"We're going to finally have a pup."
Bucky leaned in and gave Steve the most passionate kiss he could.
Chapter 7: The Grey
Bucky talks to Sam and Steve gets a confirmation.
"So you're gonna do it?" Sam asked, eating a hamburger.
"Yeah." Bucky drank his coffee. "We had a talk. Things got said and I'm trying."
"You've been getting better though."
"I still have incidents and I get scared."
"So explain why you were so against it."
"I have a new nightmare."
The next few weeks went by and not much changed. Bucky was getting better. He still struggled. Steve knew he was always going to struggle. Sam has been a miracle worker though. Steve was still Captain America but he obsessed over his pregnancy. He wanted to make sure everything would be alright. He wanted to make sure he was going to carry to full term this time. He didn't want to lost another. He couldn't go through that pain again. He couldn't hurt Bucky like that again.
"Looking good, Captain Rogers." The doctor smiled.
"Yeah?" Steve glowed.
"You're a very healthy pregnant omega."
"And the pup?"
"I know you're worried about carrying to full term. I'm very confident. The Avenger business is a conversation that needs to be talked about."
"I understand, I really do."
"Other than that, they're very healthy."
The last few weeks have been a roller coaster. Bucky still has his nightmares but they're not as violent. He still worries about being a father. He still worries he'll hurt Steve or the pup. He just still worries. But Sam has been a great support system. Who knew therapy actually worked? It's been getting easier to talk at least. He's even starting to be his old self with Steve. Like before the war. Before Sarah. But it's all still hard.
"You'll always struggle." Sam tells him. "But eventually, living won't be so hard anymore."
"I know." Bucky sighed. "I'm trying though."
"You've done good, man."
Bucky thinks hard for a moment. He's been thinking about this for a while.
"I've been thinking..." Bucky starts to say. He is a loss at words.
"What is it?" Sam listens.
"Back in my day-"
"Damn old man."
"Oh my god, you didn't."
"Damn it, let me talk."
"Okay, okay. Continue on, senior citizen."
Bucky just stared. He didn't know how Steve could deal with these damn jokes. They were fun but god, they got...old. Damn it.
"Back then, when Steve got pregnant with little Sarah, I was going to propose." Bucky suddenly was bashful.
"Oh yeah?" Sam smiled. "What stopped you?"
"Oh..I'm sorry. I-"
"It's fine. It's just with this new pup right now, I just started thinking of all the things we talked about when Sarah was growing in Steve."
"I love Steve, don't get me wrong."
"What is it, Barnes?"
"What if I try to propose and Steve miscarries again?"
Sam just stared at Bucky. He shook his head. Bucky and Steve had a lot to work though. Sam might as well change his Avenger name from Falcon to The Therapist.
"You think he lost Sarah because you wanted to get married?" Sam asked.
"I mean I know that's not true." Bucky explained. "I can rationalize shit but-"
"It's the fear. And then finding out you had a second pup that Steve also lost but you weren't even there yet."
"I know but the time where I was me, it just scares me."
Sam understood. It was like when he lost Riley. He knew what they were going through. Sam was a soldier who lost a mate. He knew loss and trauma. He knew fear.
"Keep it hidden for now." Sam goes on. "We still got stuff to go through."
"I know." Bucky agreed.
"For now, just embrace this. You're going to be a father, man. Drown yourself in that feeling. You and Steve are going to have a pup."
Bucky smiled. Genuinely smiled. Sam was right. There was a lot going on with Bucky still but for once, he was drowning in something good. It was finally going to happen. After over seven decades, they were finally going to have a pup.
"Bucky, can I talk to you?" Steve asked later that night.
Bucky shot up from their bed, staring at his mate. His stomach was in knots. Oh no, he thought.
"I went to the doctor today." Steve continued.
"And?" Bucky got close.
"Everything is good."
"Oh thank god. Don't scare me like that. What did you want to talk about then?"
Bucky's heart dropped. Two. As in two pups. Twins. Steve's blue eyes shined brighter at that very moment as Bucky embraced him, peppering him with passionate kisses.
Chapter 8: Elastic Heart
Steve remembers when they were fourteen. And the first time Bucky told him he loved him.
Bucky was asleep, his chest rising and dropping as he breathed. Steve couldn't stop looking at Bucky, probing himself on his elbow, caressing his stomach with his free hand. It was finally happening. He loved Bucky so much. He remembers being fourteen again.
They had been friends for almost a decade when Bucky kissed Steve for the first time when they were fourteen years old. Steve's father had just died. His mother was grieving. Steve was grieving. Bucky knew the pain of losing a father at a young age. He wanted to comfort Steve. He has loved Steve for years now and the only way he could think of was a kiss. They paused for a few seconds and Steve kissed back. They didn't stop kissing. They were in Steve's room. Bucky gently pushed Steve down on his bed and continued kissing. All he ever wanted to do was making Steve feel good. He always wanted to protect him. Before they could do any more, they heard Steve's mother come in and they pulled away.
The very next week, Steve presented as an Omega and Bucky presented as an Alpha. They had the funeral for Steve's father and they moved on. It took time for his mother to finally move on since it wasn't just a husband she lost; she lost her bonded mate. Steve missed his father but he was glad he presented after his death. God knows what would have happened if Joseph Rogers found out his son was an Omega. It was hard enough that Steve was sickly but an Omega too? Steve pushed it out of his mind. All he could think about was Bucky and his sweet kisses.
"You doing okay?" Bucky asked one day.
"Yeah." Steve muttered.
"How's your ma?"
"She's doing good."
"I'm doing good too."
Bucky leaned in close and lift Steve's chin to kiss him so sweet.
"Buck." Steve sighed.
Bucky kissed his mouth, his jaw, under his chin, his throat and finally, his..
Steve pulled away when Bucky started to kiss at his neck. He wanted Bucky but he didn't want that. God, he swore to himself that he'd never bond.
"Steve, I'm sorry." Bucky stumbled over his words.
"It's not you." Steve stopped him. "It's me."
"God, that has been used too many times."
"I'm sorry. I want to but it's just.."
"What is it?"
"I don't want to be in the same spot as my ma."
Steve has never been ashamed of being an omega. Just like his ma. But this was different.
"Okay" Bucky asked.
"Okay." Steve said.
They didn't bring it up again for a few months. Bucky continued to pursue Steve and Steve continued to melt in their kissing. Steve had loved Bucky before they knew what it was but he has been in love with Bucky since that first kiss. They were fourteen. People say that's too young to know love but Steve knew. Maybe it was the Omega in him wanting to bond with the Alpha in Bucky. Maybe it was just Steven Grant Rogers loving James Buchanan Barnes. Or maybe it was just Stevie being a punk and Bucky being a jerk.
Steve had invited Bucky to spend the night at his house one night. It was one of those nights where his ma would be working all night. Bucky agreed. He was in love with Steve. He's loved Steve for a long time but he knew he was in love when he kissed Steve for the first time.
"Will you let me?" Bucky breathed into Steve's mouth as they kissed.
"Anything." Steve gasped. "I'll let you do anything."
They were going to lose their virginities to each other. Steve presented himself to Bucky. Spreading his hole to Bucky. Arching his thing back. Pressing his face against the pillow. Bucky had convinced one of the neighborhood kids to lend him a few condoms. He was nervous. He was going to fuck Steve finally. He prepared Steve and awkwardly pushed his cock into Steve. He froze when he heard Steve screamed. He tried to stop but Steve's begging was music to his ears. He gently held Steve's hips as he began to slowly thrust. Steve threw his head back as Bucky sped up. Bucky pressed his body against Steve's back. He could smell Steve's sweet aroma. He mouthed the back of Steve's neck as he began to go deeper. Steve tensed when he felt Bucky's mouth on his neck. Bucky didn't notice. He was so devoured by pleasure. He was drowning in how good Steve felt and smelled. Steve felt his teeth and...
"NO!" Steve screamed, pulling away from Bucky.
Bucky pulled out of Steve and Steve curled into a fetal position. He felt Bucky's teeth on his neck. He didn't want that.
"Stevie, did I hurt you?" Bucky rushed to his side. "God, did I hurt you?"
"No." Steve held himself.
"You were going to bite me."
"I don't want to bond. Especially if you turn into my dad."
"I know, Steve but what does your dad have anything to do with this?"
Bucky didn't understand.
"Steve, what's wrong?" Bucky pushed.
"Don't hurt me." Steve cried.
It clicked. And god, Bucky was angry. Steve looked up and saw the rage. Without thinking, Steve raised his arms to protect himself, making Bucky even angrier.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Bucky asked, trying to keep calm.
"I-I-" Steve was sobbing now.
"Don't you trust me?"
"Then why didn't you tell me your dad beat you and your ma?"
"How do you talk about that?"
Bucky gently grabbed Steve's hands and pulled his arms away from his face. Bucky was angry still but he was looking more gentle. God..
"I love you, Steve." Bucky said.
"Do you?" Steve's eyes widened.
"You don't need to say it back and I know we're fourteen but god, I love you so much. I have for years. But I've been in love with you since the day I decided to kiss you."
"I loved you for a long time and I've been in love since you kissed me."
Bucky kissed Steve.
"We don't have to bond." Bucky sighed.
"I know you want to. I can smell it." Steve whispered.
"As long as you'll love me, it doesn't matter."
It was a while but eventually, they finally bonded. On Bucky's fifteenth birthday. Steve opened himself to Bucky and let Bucky do whatever he wanted. When Bucky was going to release inside of him, Steve presented his neck and begged. Bucky was uncertain at first but finally dug his teeth into the back of Steve's neck, making them both come hard. He hated himself for letting his father ruin the thought of bonding. Because it's been a dream ever since.
"Steve?" Bucky yawned.
"Hey." Steve laid his head on Bucky's chest. "Go to sleep."
"Why are you awake? Is it the pups?"
"I'm not that far along, Buck."
"You have the morning sickness though."
"I'm fine. Just thinking."
"When we were fourteen. And then your fifteenth birthday."
Bucky smiled. He remembered. He shifted and hovered over Steve.
"How about you remind me?" Bucky smirked. "I seemed to have forgotten."
"Lucky for you, I still remember." Steve smiled big.
Chapter 9: Where Do We Go?
Bucky makes a decision.
"I'm going to do it." Bucky announced one day.
"Do what?" Sam said, mouth full of a sub.
"I'm going to propose."
"Thank god. You know how hard it is to keep that specific secret from Steve?"
"I can imagine, fanboy."
Sam frowned then rolled his eyes. Bucky had been wanting to propose to Steve for decades. But life always got in the way. First, it was being young, stupid and in the twenties. Then, it was trying to make ends meet. Then Sarah happened. Then the war and the serum and Azzano. The fall. Hydra. And so on. But maybe now, Bucky can do it. They're going to have two pups together. Bucky wasn't a mindless assassin or under Hydra anymore. He was an Avenger now. He'd follow Steve to Hell and back. He has done it their whole lives and now, he's able to do it again.
"Bucky!" Sam called out.
"Jesus Christ, what?" Bucky jolted.
"I called your name like ten times, fool."
"What do you want? I'm trying to eat."
"I asked how you were going to propose."
Bucky thought. He wanted to do it the way he was going to when Steve was pregnant with Sarah. Although, thinking about it now, proposing during sex seems like a young, stupid kid's dream. Also, Steve may not appreciate it.
"I will have to think more on it." Bucky cleared his throat.
"You were going to do it during sex, weren't you?" Sam arched an eyebrow.
"Who the hell does that?"
"We were young and it seemed like a good idea at the time!"
"I mean we were kinda young when Steve got pregnant with Sarah."
"When you're young, you do lots of stupid stuff that sounds like a good idea."
"I imagine even back then, Steve would not have been amused."
"How would you do it then, Wilson?"
Sam thought for a moment. Then he smiled.
"His birthday is coming up, isn't it?" Sam smirked.
Bucky's eyes widened. "Yes, it is."
Chapter 10: I've Seen That Look In Your Eyes
Sorry for disappearing. Stuff has been happening and today is my birthday!
Almost forgot lol.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Bucky knew what he was going to do. They were going to all spend the Fourth of July together. They were all going to spend Steve's birthday together. And when everyone calmed down and all the gifts had gotten presented, Bucky would reveal his gift.
At least, that had been the plan.
Instead, they were woken up in the early hours of Steve's birthday by a piercing scream.
Bucky jumped up and scanned the room. He noticed a wetness. He followed it back to Steve.
"Oh fuck." Bucky thought.
Steve's water broke.
Sam was not expecting to be woken up by a panicked Winter Soldier and Captain America screaming bloody murder in the background. After calming them and telling them to rush to the damn medic bay, he announced it to the rest of the Avengers. Bruce was the only person they could get to help Steve with the delivery despite the fact he "wasn't that kind of doctor".
"Too bad." Tony said. "You're the best we got at the moment."
"You mean, it's because I happen to be right here." Bruce grimaced.
"Pretty much." Natasha nodded.
"Fine." Bruce gave in.
"Good trooper." Tony smiled, patting him on the back.
Bucky walked back and forth. He never took a bathroom break, ate anything or even stood still on his feet. Sam tried to get him to eat. Thor tried to give Bucky's mind some ease. Clint tried to tell him that it wouldn't be as bad, seeming that Laura was his Omega and had given him three pups.
"It seems nerve wrecking now but trust me, it'll be worth it." Clint patted his shoulder. "All the pain you have endured now will be a distant dream when you hold your pup for the first time."
Bucky tried to smile but he was too worried. Sam knew his fears. He was scared that Steve would lose them again. He was afraid Steve might get hurt or even die. He was afraid he would hurt Steve or the twins. He was just scared. Sam decided to stand with him while Clint chattered away. They both were helping. Only a little. Clint knew Bucky's anxiety. He has felt it three times. Sam knew Bucky's fears and standing on his left made him feel...secure. At least, for a moment.
Hours passed. Everyone grew impatient. Bucky grew irate. He was just going insane. Until the door opened.
"Brucie!" Tony jumped up. "What's the news?"
"It was a success." Bruce smiled warmly.
"Where are they?" Sam asked.
"They're getting cleaned up and they're going to be put to rest for now. Steve needs to rest and wanted to see them when he was better with Bucky." Bruce explained.
"Can I see him?" Bucky asked, trying to stop his Alpha within from showing.
"For a moment." Bruce nodded. "He needs his rest. Those pups are a handful already."
Bucky held his breath. He hadn't realized he was doing it. Steve is well and alive. His pups are healthy and not dead. He felt so small when he walked into Steve's room. He was resting. He was exhausted. He kneel next to the bed and took his Omega's hand.
"Buck?" Steve opened his eyes and smiled.
"Hey punk." Bucky's voice choked for a moment.
"Did you see them?"
"No. Bruce said you wanted both of us to see them together when you got better. Plus, those pups probably need their rest."
"Did he tell you the genders?"
"I want to tell you."
"Tell me, Omega."
Steve whined and begged to be touched. Bucky caressed his hand against Steve's beautiful, tired face.
"Tell your Alpha." Bucky purred.
Steve leaned forward and whispered into Bucky's ear. His heart dropped and his smile shined bigger than it has in decades. He gently kissed Steve and said it.
"Stevie, will you marry me?"
"I've been waiting over 70 years to hear those words."
I know emotions got a little rushed but Bucky and Steve really love each other.
FIGHT ME, BRAH.
Chapter 11: Love
I'M SO SORRY IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE POSTED. I PROMISE I DIDN'T ABANDON ANYTHING.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Bucky's chest tightened as he waited for Steve to tell him. What his pups were. He could go see for himself but he wanted to hear from his Omega himself.
"Tell me." Bucky begged once more.
The first few nights were harder than Bucky had thought. A healing Omega and two newborn pups.
"What was I thinking?" Bucky sighed to himself.
Nevertheless, he has no regrets. He worked hard to get to this point in his life. The 40s, the war, the fall, Hydra, the Accords and everything else. Two miscarriages and fixing his broken person. He still goes to Sam for therapy. He still has the nightmares but they're tamed now. He'd do anything for his pups. Just like he has always done anything for Steve.
Motherhood, on the other hand, came naturally to Steve. But he did carry them for nine months so of course, Steve had his instincts. Nevertheless, this is what he has always wanted since the day Bucky first kissed him. He watched with so much bliss in his heart as his Alpha, son and daughter sleep together. He smiles big at his twins.
James Buchanan and Sarah Winnifred Barnes.
"Stevie?" Bucky yawned.
"Yes?" Steve leaned closer.
"I love you."
"I love you too..Husband."
With a smile, they kissed as they hovered over their pups.
I apologize that the final chapter is really short.
The comments I got about the kids' reveal were mostly brother-sister so there it is!