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The Future Is X-Rated

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“Stupid Dib-pig…” Zim grumbled to himself while he made some final adjustments to his latest device. “Finished!” he declared in triumph. “Now, let’s see the carnage Zim has unleashed upon this filthy planet!”

Setting the coordinates on the time machine to Dib’s house, two years in the future, Zim expected to see destruction. He eagerly pressed the button and when he showed up in the future, everything looked completely… normal? “How can this be?! The Dib-beast is still alive?” Zim wandered about the house until he heard strange sounds coming from upstairs, sounds he’s never heard before. The curious alien crept up the steps and paused beside the half-open door. “Ahh… Zim…” That was Dib’s voice! Zim cautiously peeked into the bedroom and saw something terrible. Underneath Dib was a green alien with black antennae and ruby eyes.

Zim gasped loudly before slapping his hands over his mouth to keep himself quiet. He frantically pressed the ‘return’ button on his time machine, only to hear it say “Recharge complete in two minutes.” Future Zim’s eyes glanced toward the door. “Did you hear that?” No! Oh, Almighty Tallest, that’s my voice! It’s really me in there! Zim’s mind raced with terror. Future Dib looked at the doorway, squinting without his glasses on. “Uh, no…”

Zim breathed a sigh of relief. Then future Dib spoke again.

“But what I do wanna hear is you screaming…”

“Ah! Dib!” Zim’s future self moaned, the bed creaking with each movement. Zim had heard enough. He ran down the stairs with his pak’s spiderlegs and shut the front door behind him, disgusted and more confused than he’d ever been in his life.

“Charging complete,” the time travel device announced. Zim pressed the button and ended up back in his base, in the present. Gir was playing with a stuffed moose doll when Zim appeared in the lab. “Master! Do I get the moooon?!” Gir ran around excitedly. “No, Gir! No Earth, no moon!” Zim snapped, and the little robot plopped onto the floor with a frown. The disturbed Irken paced back and forth. “The future was just terrible! I can’t even believe what I saw!”

“Were there flyin’ monkeys n’ stuff!?” Gir laughed insanely. Zim facepalmed. “No! It was much worse! The Dib-human and Zim were-- in bed together!” Zim cringed in disgust at the mental image.

“You must’ve been reeeeal sleepy!”

“We weren’t sleeping, Gir!”

Gir tilted his head in confusion. “We were… mating,” Zim shuddered at the thought of being that close to Dib. “Ooooooh…” Gir stared blankly before running around in a circle yelling “IMMA MAKE SAMMICHES!” and bolting out of sight, leaving Zim to stew in his disgusted feelings. “I cannot let that happen…”