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The Bean Juice Saga

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Wild hated the Bean Juice.

He’d discovered it on accident during his own adventure, and it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever tasted. He’d been making a pot of nice lavender tea with courser bee honey, and the dang things had fallen into the boiling water and made something terrible. He’d taken a few of the beans with him, just in case he needed to drive some Moblins away with the smell, or something, and continued on his way.

That’s why he made it for Legend. The other hero was annoying him, so when Wild remembered the terrible beans he threw those into the pot instead of the chamomile he’d been about to make. It filled the camp with an awful smell, and Wild wrinkled his nose. It was almost more trouble than it deserved, but hopefully Legend’s reaction would be worth it.

Wild hoped the others would forgive him, because he didn’t really have a way to get just Legend to drink the bean juice. Who knew, maybe one of them would like the horrid stuff.

He wasn’t expecting all of them to.

“What in Hylia’s name is this stuff?” Warriors demanded, slamming his empty mug down. “Why haven’t you been making this the entire time?”

Wild blinked. “The gross bean stuff?”

“Gross?” Said Four blankly, looking dumbfounded. “This stuff is amazing! My Hyrule doesn’t have anything like this, what do you call it?” Legend, sat beside him, was staring into space wearing an expression that Wild could only call epiphanic.

Wild panicked. Everyone was looking at him either reverently, expectantly, or both, and he’d never thought of a name for the bean tea. It was terrible! It didn’t deserve a name!

“Um…” Wild trailed off. Hyrule coughed, and he latched onto that like a lifeline. “Cough!” He blurted out. “Uh, cough…y. Coughy.” That sounded like a horrible name for a drink, which in all fairness the beverage deserved. “Spelled like, um, coffee.” Yeah. That sounded okay.

Sky and Twilight had politely set down their cups after a few sips, but a whisper of “coffee…” rippled through the rest of the group. Even Time had finished his bean water, and was looking around for more.

“Sweet Hylia,” breathed the eldest hero. “Can you make that again?”

Wild cast a nervous look around. Legend had apparently broken out of his stupor and was staring, eyes wide, into the dregs of his cup. Wind’s pupils were worryingly dilated, and the youngest hero was… vibrating?

“Yes, give us more of this strange energy liquid!” Demanded Legend suddenly, eyes narrowed with a surprising intensity as he stood abruptly, sending his empty mug to the ground with a clatter.

Wild shook his head in disbelief. The bean j- the coffee , it was terrible! Were these people mad? “Yeah, I can. I need the beans, though. They only grow in my Hyrule.”

It had felt like an innocent thing to say, at the time. They were in his Hyrule, though, and by the next morning Wild was saddled with more of the cursed beans than he’d ever wanted to see.

“It’s like a stamina potion,” said Hyrule mildly. He wasn’t as obsessed with the stuff as the others were, but he still took a mug whenever Wild was forced to make it. “But it tastes much better.”

“I thought it was more like one of Wild’s hasty elixirs,” said Wind wistfully. He’d been banned from the drink after the second day. “It made everything go faster.”  

Wild made it again. And again. He was making several smelly pots of the stuff a day, now. He didn’t really get it, but at least it came with perks.

“I’ll make the bad hot juice if someone brings me some raw gourmet meat for our dinner.” And six of the heroes would bolt into the woods just like that. It was great for if he needed some peace and quiet, or if he wanted to talk to just Twilight or Sky. He learned quickly that actually withholding the terrible bean liquid would make the others irritable, but if he just threatened it...

And then he started to worry.

Time started asking Wild to take the watch right before his, and make the coffee so that he could have some as soon as he woke up. The older hero seemed more sluggish before he had the drink, and Wild wondered with some alarm if it was actually hurting his companions. Every time Legend had a mug of the stuff he would stare into it contemplatively between sips, otherwise dead to the world. Wild had to watch the cook pot like a hawk whenever it was full of coffee, because Wind’s plots to acquire it were getting more and more intricate.

Time seemed to think something was wrong, too, because after a week and a half he finally called the groups attention. He seemed to struggle with what he was about to say, holding his mug of bean juice close.

“This is a dangerous potion,” he said finally, heavily. “I’m confiscating what is left, and Wild won’t be making it again.”

Wild heaved a sigh of relief as the majority of his companions burst into argument. He was free at last of the stinky bean-

“Except when I ask.”

No! He was so close! “But, Time-”

“Don’t ask questions.”

Late that night, Wild awoke to Legend gently shaking him. He rolled over groggily. Was it time for his watch already? He thought he was supposed to be after Hyrule…

“Wild,” hissed Legend, voice low and urgent, and Wild was awake immediately, hand reaching for his weapon until Legend shook his head. “Wild, I need you to make me the bean juice.”

Well, at least he called it what Wild thought it deserved to be called. “Time said no,” he managed, trying to wrap his sleepy mind around the situation. He didn't want to make the bean juice.

Legend glared at him. “Secret bean juice. And don’t tell Time.”

Legend practically dragged Wild to the fire pit he’d set up, in a clearing far enough from camp that Time wouldn’t be woken up by the smell. Wild frowned. This was a planned, premeditated solicitation of the bean juice.

“I’ve been experimenting,” Legend said, while Wild stirred the beans into the already boiling water and tried not to look too disgusted by the smell. Wild didn’t ask him to elaborate, but Legend pulled out a bottle of milk from seemingly nowhere. “Twilight puts milk in his tea and says it makes it better. I tried it the other day with the bean juice, and it was good, but I need secrecy to figure out how to get it just right.”

...Okay, then. Wild had a bad feeling about this. He didn’t want to be woken up every night before his watch to be forced into brewing more of this stuff. “Could I just teach you, and you can do it yourself?”

Legend turned towards him, eyes wide with exaggerated surprise like that had never occurred to him. If that’s what he had wanted, all he had to do was ask… Wild waved him over to the cook pot and showed him what to do.

He didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of the end.