“You’ll be lost without me!”
Alysi thought back to that one sentence. That one sentence drove him nearly insane. He truly knew that Kriso was bad for him. He knew Kriso was bad in general, but he still felt, well, lost.
Alysi was strong, and he knew that, but he also thought that perhaps he had been stronger by Kriso’s side.
Kriso was a horrible person; Alysi couldn’t refute that, but what if Kriso had been right in some aspects? What if he had been right that Alysi truly was nothing without him? He surely felt like he was nothing. People to him for answers, but he needed someone to look to for himself. He had no one.
How was he supposed to lead a rebellion against the person who had once made him feel so alive?
Alysi was alone. Sure, he had people around him, but he trusted none of them. He cared for none of them more than just people under his charge. Maybe his heart had hardened. Maybe he wasn’t even really a person anymore. Maybe Kriso took that away from him too.
No. He refused to believe that. He refused to let Kriso take his humanity. The bastard had taken so much from Alysi, but he couldn’t lose his humanity.
If he wasn’t even human anymore, then what even was the point of survival? Why worry about death when you’re no one worth saving?
Was he worried about death? Alysi honestly couldn’t tell anymore. He didn’t want to kill himself, but he supposed he never thought twice about risks either. He tried to justify it to himself by saying that it was all for the people, but truthfully? He was selfish.
He pushed himself too hard to keep the thoughts at bay, to keep the memories at bay. He fought and led the main rebellion for himself, not for anyone else. He didn’t have anyone to fight for.