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You'll be My Dragon Slayer Wife

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Majima was fucked. And not the good kind of fucked where you can’t move for three or four days, just straight fucked.

It started with a phone call on Monday. Majima was stepped out of the bathroom when his cell phone went off, it’s little speakers playing ‘Get To The Top.”



It was Daigo.

“Hey Shithead great to hear from ya!”

Daigo sighed on the other end.

“Right. Have you got a date planned for Kiryu’s birthday party yet?”


What the fuck was he on about? It was May, there was no need to get ready this early!

“Majima. Kiryu’s birthday is next week.”


What. Majima pulled the phone from his ear and looked at his phone. It was 9 in the morning. The morning of June 10th.Which was a week from the 17th.


What the hell happened to those weeks in May? Someone had to pay for this shit. He was going to kick Father Time’s ass. Daigo’s compressed voice came from the tiny speaker.

“So I’m assuming no.”

Majima came back on the phone.

“Look, I’ll make it happen just come on the 17th and we’ll fucking scare him!”

“Are you sure? By the sound of it, it seems you don’t even have a gift yet.”

“I’ll handle it Daigo! Have I ever lead you astray?”

The line was silent.

“Daigo? You were supposed to respond.”

“I know.”

Little shit. Majima placed ‘Kick Daigo’s ass’ on his mental to-do list right after Kiryu’s Birthday and kicking Father Time’s ass.

“Fuck you! I’ll handle it! You better fucking come alright!”

Daigo’s ‘alright’ was cut off by Majima abruptly hanging up. Ha. Take that.

Then Majima started to freak the fuck out. Daigo was right, he had nothing for a gift. Usually Majima had a big idea planned for Kiryu’s birthday. One year he popped out of a cake, another year was a paintball ambush custody of the Majima Family, and another year had Majima break out almost every costume he had for a Scavenger Hunt Extravaganza (capitalization necessary).

This year? Nothing. Damn domestic life making him soft.

Not that he was complaining. Waking up to see Kiryu and his two kids as always put a smile on his face.

But now he had to get a gift. How the fuck was he supposed to know what Kiryu wanted? Kiryu never was the materialistic kinda guy, and usually he would just outright tell Majima what he wanted.  But that wasn’t the case this year, so Detective Majima was on the case to find out what Kiryu wanted.

Now. Where to start...

If anyone knew what Kiryu wanted it was the kids.

“Haruka! Yu! Get down here!”

Haruka was Kiryu’s kid first. She was a cute little kid and she always seemed to have her dad in mind. She also scared the hell out of Majima more than her beast of a dad. She had her dad’s eyes, that burning determination and fiery passion.

Then there was Yu. Majima always had a soft spot for the teen, after taking him up from his shitty parents almost six years ago. Yu was what Majima wanted to be as a kid. Level-headed, smart, and a good kid. Majima was so proud of him. It filled the loneliness that Kiryu had left when he went to jail, and Majima couldn’t ask for a better kid. If Haruka had Kiryu’s strength then Yu had Majima’s soft side.

The two kids made their way downstairs, Haruka on Yu’s shoulders. Majima cooed at the site of their presence. So adorable. Yu placed Haruka on the nearby couch and took a seat next to her. Majima cleared his throat.

“Now! You know why I called you down here right?”

The two kids shook their heads.

“Well! Dad Two’s birthday is next week as you both are aware.”

“Yeah,” Haruka gestured to herself and Yu, “we got him a gift with our allowance money!”

She was smiling. But Majima knew better. That smile knew why Majima called the two down here.

“Right. Well. Here’s the problem.”

A beat of silence. Majima sighs.

“I need to get him a gift.”

Haruka and Yu looked at each other. Then back at him.


“You forgot to get Dad a gift?”

“Yes I did! Listen when you get old you lose track of the days okay!”

Lame excuse but it was the only thing Majima could reasonably think of for blacking out the latter half of May like that.

“I need help deciding what to get for him.”

“Aren’t you dating him?”

Damn. Kid was good at backtalk. He couldn’t be mad about that, he was secretly proud that he rubbed off on Yu.

“Yes but that doesn’t mean shit! Dad Two is hard to get gifts for!”

“We got him a gift dad,” Haruka started to giggle as Yu continued, “so it can’t be too hard.”

Little. Fucking. Shit. Two could play at that game.

“Well I guess you two aren’t invited to Kiryu’s birthday.”

“Dad would let us in though.”

Let him have his moments kid. Majima sat in between them and let out a sigh.

“What am I going to do?”

“You could get him something you think will make him happy! That’s what me and bro did!”

Just something simple to make him happy. That’s Kiryu alright. He always enjoyed be surrounded by friends and family over a new appliance or anything like that. Something from the heart he recalled Kiryu saying.

“Yeah. I guess that’s a start.”

Majima patted them on the both of their heads, and messed up their hairs.

“You little shits are the best!”

“Curse word!”

Haruka hopped up from the couch and pointed at Majima.

“Now we’re never going to tell you what we got him!”

Haruka made her way back upstairs. Yu was about to follow her when-


Majima grabbed Yu’s sleeve.

“What did you get him. You can tell me.”

“Haruka said I couldn’t tell you.”

“What but I’m your favorite dad!”

“Yeah but. Haruka told me not to.”

Damn. Girl was tougher than any patriarch Majima’s ever met. He let Yu go and decided where to go to next.


“What? After all I’ve done for you?”

Date looked at him.

“What’s that look for.”

“You know exactly what that look is for.”

Majima groaned and threw himself over the bar counter. He went to one of Kiryu’s good friends Date, who was currently chilling in New Serena. Date looked like he wanted nothing to do with Majima at the moment. He couldn’t blame him after all, he caused a lot of problems for him and Kiryu back in the day. Majima took himself off the bar counter and looked at Date with pleading eyes.

“I just need help with a birthday gift. Pleeeeease?”

“Majima-san. Just ask him what he wants.”

Majima slammed his hand on the counter.

“This isn’t how this shit works! I can’t just ask him!”

“I did.”

Date took another sip of his drink. Majima looked at him in disbelief.


“So I don’t have to throw a tantrum a couple days before his birthday.”


Date poured another drink for himself, then he poured the same drink into another glass. He passed it over to Majima, and Majima murmured a ‘thanks’.

“He wanted something from you, you know.”


“He talks about all the time Majima. He really adores you.”

Majima felt heat on his cheeks. He may be drinking but that flush was not from the alcohol.

“He does. Doesn’t he?”

“Hmm. You need to get him something that reminds him of you.”


Something that reminded Kiryu of him? That was pretty cheesy Date. But, he’s right. Kiryu was constantly doting over him, reminding him how loved he was, and always showing little displays of love like making breakfast in bed or a surprise date. Majima reciprocated, but Kiryu returned it in tenfold. It was just one of the many things he loved about Kiryu.

“Majima-san? You there?”

“Date, you’re better at this detective shit than I am.”

“I am one of those, yes.”

Majima chugged the rest of his drink, threw a couple a yen on the counter, and made his way to the exit before stopping.

“What did you get him.”

“Haruka would kill me if I told you.”

Damn! That girl had eyes everywhere didn’t she! He needed to step up his spying game.


“Hand me the yarn please.”

Majima handed Saejima a bundle of orange yarn. This was his last stop of “people he knew well enough and also kiryu knew well enough”. Who better to help than his beautiful kyodai who loved him-

“You’re an idiot for waiting this long, bro.”

-piece of shit asshole who Majima regrets meeting. Fuck him. How dare Saejima insult him What happened to being there for each other? Clearly, he was unloved.

“You’re supposed to be on my side Saejima.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you.”

Damn Saejima and his morals.

“You should! It saves my feeling from being hurt.”

“You have tough skin, you’ll be fine.”

Majima huffed. Saejima kept on knitting.

“I just love him, bro.”

“I know.”

“And I want him to be happy!”

“I know that too.”

Majima watched Saejima as he knit. He looked so peaceful, and that put a smile on Majima’s face. After the time Saejima spent in jail, he deserved the world. Majima would give him the world if he could, (not yet at least) so he settled for just buying anything to make his bro happy. Turns out a couple of cats, some yarn, and a nice place was all he needed. Majima teased him for growing soft sure, but it was so nice to see his bro happy and home.

“I actually have an idea of what you can get him.”


Saejima nodded.



“You need to bake Kiryu’s cake with me.”

“Done! And I’ll only lick the icing sometimes.”

“That’s your-nevermind. Fine.”

“Okay so give me the deets already!”

Saejima sighed. He should’ve known Majima was not one for patience.

“If you want to get something that Kiryu will like.”

Saejima put down his knitting needles and patted his chest.

“You need to get something from here bro.”

Majima stared at Saejima’s chest.

“My tit? I don’t know about that bro, my B cups are nothing compared to Kiryu’s H-”

“I could not have been more clearly talking about your heart.”

His heart. Right. Affection made Kiryu (and Majima but he would never admit that) melt.

“Cheesy, but it seems like a Kiryu thing.”

Majima got up from the chair and stretched his legs.

“I got everything I need! Gotta actually by the gift I think.”

“You think.”

Majima shot him a look.

“Carefully I’ll eat all the icing.”

“Alright, don’t forget now.”

“Pinky promise!”

Majima wiggled his pinky in front of Saejima’s face. Then, he made his way to the door, before stopping.

“Your gift.”

“What about it?”

“Can you-”

Saejima shook his head, and Majima groaned in response.

“Lemme guess. Haruka.”



After a family night together, with the kids and Kiryu asleep, Majima was sitting in the living room, mulling over a present idea.

Kiryu loved him to bits already so he knew making him happy wouldn’t be hard. He treasured even joke gifts from Majima, so getting something sentimental wouldn’t be too hard either.

But something from the heart. That was the toughie. Majima hated thinking with his heart. He wasn’t used to this affection shit. Usually Kiryu did the loving and he just reciprocated.

And that was it wasn’t it? Majima could be vulnerable around Kiryu. He was allowed to let down the mask around Kiryu and be himself for once. Kiryu was the reason he had a family. The reason he could wake up in the morning smiling.

Being with Kiryu made him happy. Made him feel loved.

It was all so clear. He knew exactly what to get for Kiryu.

It was time. Kiryu had come home to the party the group had set up.

“Happy Birthday!”

Kiryu smiled.

“Aw, guys. You didn’t need too.”

They settled for some cake that Majima and Saejima made.

“You helped make this?”, Kiryu took another bite of the cake, it was chocolate. His favorite.

“Yep! Made with the Goro Touch!”

Majima took some icing hanging off Kiryu’s plate and licked it off his finger. Kiryu chuckled as he took another bite.

“No wonder this cake tastes so good.”

What a charmer. But we’ll see who has the last laugh Kiryu, because it’s presents time.

Majima insisted on going last. Kiryu wouldn’t know what hit him.

Kiryu sat down on the couch, gifts neatly stacked on the table.

Yu and Haruka got him a cat. Majima had no idea how they snuck him in the house. After some pets and kisses on the head, Kiryu decides to name him Hannyan. Majima almost started crying right there and then.

Date got something Kiryu’s wanted for a long time. It was the one of those pocket circuit cars Kiryu liked, but this was one was an anniversary edition. Very limited run on those shits, and Date just so happened to have one.  Last time Majima checked that shit costed an arm and a leg. He knew Date had connections but damn. Who’s dick did he have to suck to get that? He’s betting on the Florist.

Saejima made Kiryu’s gift. Apparently, Kiryu and Saejima were in cahoots with one another and they had these little knitting sessions like old ladies. Saejima had made a dragon plushie, which Kiryu looked super excited about. Proud of Saejima’s improvement no doubt, and Majima had to admit the thing looked cute.

More presents came and went after those. All very nice gifts. Majima’s gift was in his jacket pocket, hidden from Kiryu.


It was his turn.

“Right. My gift’s outside, let’s go.”

Kiryu followed Majima’s lead outside to the front porch. Thankfully, everyone else stayed inside.

“So, 51 huh?”

“Yes, I think I’m growing old Majima-san.”

“Eh, you’ll get used to it.”

Majima shrugged.

“Being old sucks dick.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Mmhm, but enough of this old coot rambling. Yer gift!”

Before Majima could pull his gift out, Kiryu cut him off.

“I don’t need a gift from you Majima.”


Kiryu took Majima’s hands into his.

“I. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me over the years.”

Kiryu gripped his hand.

“You’re my gift everyday.”

Hook line and sinker. Majima couldn’t respond to that. He took the bait and Kiryu trapped him in his web of love.

“Whatever! I still have a gift anyway!”

Majima was blushing bright red. He snatched his hands away from Kiryu’s, a small muffled laugh escaping Kiryu’s lips. He removed his gift from his jacket, without Kiryu noticing, into his hands.

“I had a tough time getting you a gift ya know.”


“Yeah. I really wanted to knock it out of the park this year. Something that means a lot to you. Something you’ll keep forever.”

Majima was shaking. He was clutching the box in his hand. He was afraid of it breaking but that didn’t stop him gripping it tighter.

“Uh. Well.”


Damn was it that obvious he was nervous? Come on Majima just ask him already!

“You see. I think the perfect gift for you is.”

Majima got on his knee. He opened the box in his hand. It was a ring. It was a snake wrapped around a pearl.

“Me. I want to get married.”

Kiryu let out a gasp. The ring Majima had chose was special. He chose a snake so Kiryu would always have apart of him. The pearl (Kiryu’s birthstone) was so Kiryu always knew Majima would protect him until they were both dust. He wanted Kiryu to wake up every morning like he did. Lucky to be loved. He wanted Kiryu to always feel the way Majima did around Kiryu: protected. Majima looked closer at Kiryu.

Kiryu was crying. Majima realizes this is probably the first time he’s seen Kiryu cry.


“Sorry if it looks kinda plain, I, uh rus-”

In a flash Kiryu’s arms were around him. He was sobbing hard now. Majima felt tears come from his eye.

“It’s perfect,” he choked between the sobs, “Thank you so much.”

The two sat there, wrapped around one another, crying. Who cares if the others saw them, they just had each other tight now. After a good solid cry, the two reluctantly pulled apart and Majima put Kiryu’s ring on his ring finger. Perfect fit.

“Looks pretty.”

“Thanks, it’s supposed to me me protecting you. I know, my symbolism knows no bounds.”

Kiryu kissed him on the cheek.

“I know sweetie.”

Majima then looked over Kiryu’s shoulder.

“We have a visitor.”


Kiryu whipped his head around to see his pride and joy: Haruka. She was smiling.

“Can I be the flower girl?”

Kiryu got up first, tugging Majima along with him.

“Of course, who else would be the perfect flower girl?”

Haruka let out a ‘yay!’ before heading back inside. Kiryu kissed Majima again.

“Let’s go show everyone my new fiancee.”

“O-oh. Yeah lead the way.”

Yeah. Best birthday present ever. He was finally with the one he loved forever.

Now. Where would he find a snakeskin wedding dress?