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Phoenix Pact Into The Marvel Universe (Satire)

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[Sparky: Where are we?]
[Arctic: Gyro? Are you okay?]

*Gyro opened her eyes and slowly peered around her surroundings. She was on a beach in the midst of a small park that had a path leading into the nearby suburbs. She then looked up at Sparky and Arctic who were looking over her. They both helped her up as Heat walked up toward them*

Heat: Okay, we're all up and far away from Twilight Valley.
Sparky: Very far away, it seems.
Gyro: Does anyone else have a huge headache?
Arctic: I couldn't tell if that was because of my helmet.
Sparky: Or for that matter does anyone remember anything that happened, other than us being in our base and some huge light?
Heat: No...

*Arctic and Gyro shook their heads as they all gazed around to see that they were close to a small resting area. They all began to walk toward the bench in the resting area as Gyro rubbed her head*

Sparky: So I'm guessing we got teleported...I think?
Arctic: Anyone missing a kidney?

*Gyro with wide eyes quickly padded down her kidneys as she then blew a sigh of relief*

Gyro: Not yet.
Heat: And there's no one here.

*The park itself seemed empty of people as Heat sat on a bench at the resting area sighing and holding her head*

Heat: So...all right we're here, now what? And how are we going to get back to Twilight Valley?
Sparky: I got that covered, we just need to get to an ATM and get a map.
Heat: Are you going to hack another ATM again? What if we get in trouble this time?
Sparky: We run-
Heat: Sparky, we can't just be siphoning off money like that. We'll figure something out...legally.

*Sparky nodded to her as he looked disappointed*

Sparky: All right, we'll do it your way Heat.





*They were walking through a small suburban town as Heat looked at a pizza store that just opened*

Heat: Come on, let's go inside.

*Sparky at first glanced then stared down an alley as he slowly stopped himself. He slowly stepped toward something in the alley while the others had already gone inside the pizza store. Heat went up to the register while a young goth cashier stared at them and then quickly rolled her eyes*

Female Goth Cashier: So, what can I get for you?
Heat: All right ugh, where are we?
Female Goth Cashier: Pizza Cove, did you not see the sign?
Heat: I mean where are we like...Madarid? Are we close to Twilight Valley?
Female Goth Cashier: What are you talking about?
Gyro: Are we in the country of Madarid or what?

*The female cashier quickly popped in a piece of gum as she slowly looked over to Arctic*

Female Goth Cashier: What are you a bunch of Avengers? Mutants? Some outer space people? Or maybe all of those three?
Arctic: Ugh, no.

*The three seemed confused with the goth chick smirking at them all*

Female Goth Cashier: Well you're in United States of Stamford, Connecticut.
Heat: What!?
Arctic: United States of America?
Gyro: We're really far away from home, aren't we?
Heat: Ugh, how about the country of Reveran or Novac? They have to be close by.
Female Goth Cashier: Nope, those places don't exist here but if I were you...

*The goth cashier got out her phone as she typed in something*

Female Goth Cashier: I would start looking at this map.

*She showed them her phone as it displayed to them the map of the earth*

Gyro: What the sh*t!? Heat, this isn't our world! We're not at all on Earth!
Female Goth Cashier: Well, this planet is called Earth.

*Gyro glared at her as the goth cashier seemed unfazed*

Gyro: Whatever smart ass.
Heat: Look I- uh we need a way to get back to our Earth. Do you know how?
Female Goth Cashier: I'm just a cashier, why would you think I know that?
Gyro: Look, we didn't order a side of b**ch with our cardboard pizza or whatever the f*ck you sell here. We want answers!

*The goth chick casually put another gum in her mouth as she then leaned on the counter*

Female Goth Cashier: Well, I don't have them.

*Gyro scoffed shaking her head at her as Heat slowly scanned around. She then noticed that Arctic was missing as Gyro then looked behind herself*

Gyro: Wait where's Arctic? And Sparky?
Heat: And uh...are you hiring?





*Arctic peeked down an alleyway watching Sparky hastily stuff a stack of hundred dollar bills in a plastic bag in front of a blue screen ATM. Arctic stepped toward him as Sparky looked over to him*

Arctic: Okay, bad news, so we're not on earth. Well, our earth.
Sparky: Wait...really?

*Sparky appeared surprised while he slowly tied the bag*

Arctic: For real dude, so we're stuck on some different-ish planet.
Sparky: Well I'm glad I did this then. At least the good news for us is that, whatever earth-like planet this is, a lot of their machines are still powered by electricity-
Heat: Sparky!!!

*Sparky quickly hid the bag behind himself as Heat was seen marching down the alley in a furious rage. Arctic and Sparky watched Heat as she turned all her attention to Sparky*

Arctic: Wait, let's hear him out.

*Heat slowly turned her head to Arctic as she pointed at Sparky while Gyro casually strolled into the alleyway*

Heat: What!? Arctic, he stole-
Sparky: I wasn't stealing...just uh...borrowing.
Heat: Borrowing!?

*Heat sighed looking at the ground, shaking her head, as she glared at Sparky*

Sparky: We need this money, don't we? How else are we supposed to get around?
Heat: We work an odd job, we live honest lives and we figure out a-
Sparky: It's just taking money from an ATM.
Heat: And what's next, sneaking money out of a store? Or robbing a bank? Oh, I can imagine it now. "Don't worry Heat, because no one is getting hurt as long as they stay on the ground." Well, what if they don't stay on the ground Sparky? We have to send a message, right?

*Sparky seemed baffled, glancing over to Arctic as Gyro folded her arms and looked at Heat with a smirk on her face*

Gyro: You speaking from experience there, Heat?
Heat: Maybe.
Sparky: Heat, I've done this before.
Arctic: How about this we use the money to get on our feet, but the rest is money from a job.
Gyro: See everybody wins, just let it slide for at least this one time Heat.
Sparky: It'll just be the one time.

*Heat sighed as she looked away and nodded her head in submission*

Heat: Well, let's see where this takes us.
Arctic: To a land of honesty...and hopefully yachts.

*Sparky peeked into the bag as he nodded*

Sparky: Just around.
Heat: Alright so first we find a place to live, then a job...then figure a way to get out of this planet while we continue to live out our normal lives.





*An Hour Later*

Man: And here are the keys.

*Gyro and Heat seemed happy as they all looked at their new house. It was a moderately one story sized house as the man, who seemed to be the owner of the house, happily walked away with the bag filled with cash*

Sparky: Wait, don't we have to sign some legal documents or something?
Man (In Distance): Just keep on entertaining the audience!

*Sparky seemed confused by his comment as Arctic shook his head and slowly turned to Sparky*

Arctic: Wow that was both the most convenient and weirdest house tour I've ever experience.
Sparky: Well at least we got a home out of it...and now we just have to get a job?
Heat: The cashier chick told me further up the road is a sub shop in a plaza looking for new people. In fact, they're doing a walk-in-interview.

*Heat seemed excited as Gyro inspected herself and then gawked at Heat's dirty hero clothes*

Gyro: Ugh? Do we even look professional?

*Heat firmly nodded to Gyro and then sternly put her hands on her hips*

Heat: We just need charm, that's all.
Gyro: We are so going to f*ck this up.





*Inside a cramped back office of a store*

*Heat cleared her throat and then smiled*

Heat: My name is Sarah Jesslin.

*Heat cheerfully looked at the interviewer as he looked at her dirty clothes*

Male Interviewer: So...what are your strengths?
Heat: I'm hardworking, honest, and uh...loyal.
Male Interviewer: That's good...


*During Sparky's Interview*

Male Interviewer: So Dennis, what would you do if you saw an employee stealing products?
Ugh, turn them into you?

*The interviewer glared intensely into Sparky's eyes as Sparky kept glancing away*

Sparky: So question, right?


*During Arctic's Interview*

Male Interviewer: So what are your hobbies?
Arctic: Video games, hero work and...ugh professional internet surfer.


*During Gyro's Interview*

Male Interviewer: Funny, your friend had said the same thing.
Gyro: Ya, but I'm better at video games than him.

*Arctic barged into the room as he pointed to Gyro*

Arctic: That is a lie!
Male Interviewer: Jack, get out of this room!
Arctic: She started it.

*Arctic closed the door as Gyro scoffed*

Gyro (To Herself): Scrub.
Male Interviewer: Sorry about that, you ready to move on Carrie?

*Gyro cheerfully smiled at him as she politely nodded*

Gyro: Yes, certainly.
Male Interviewer: So...


*During Heat's Interview*

Male Interviewer: You're hired.
Heat: Yes! I won't let you down!


*During Gyro's Interview*

Male Interviewer: You're hired.
Gyro: Cool.


*During Arctic's Interview*

Male Interviewer: We'll call you back soon.
Arctic: Oh, I thought I botched this interview.
Male Interviewer: You did.
Arctic: Oh...damn it.


*During Sparky's Interview*

Male Interviewer: And Dennis you...what are you doing?

*Sparky made the lights flicker as his pointer finger was going up and down in the air*

Sparky: Oh sorry.

*The lights stop flickering as the interviewer seemed shocked*

Male Interviewer: That was you!?
Sparky: Yep.
Interviewer Man: Please leave.

*Sparky smirked as he got up and flickered the light switch*

Male Interviewer: Stop that!




*Moments Later*

*The four were walking away from the sub shop as Gyro looked at Arctic*

Gyro: Don't worry Arctic. The guy seems like a weirdo, anyway.
Heat: And the good news is that Gyro and I got the job.
Sparky: Whatever, I wasn't even trying.
Arctic: I was, and I still didn't get it.
Sparky: Well, the food industry may not be for us Arctic, maybe there's some work for heroes...the real job creators.
Heat: And how are superheroes job creators exactly?
Arctic: Well, who do you think cleans up the mess we leave behind? Janitors, contractors, morticians-
Sparky: And don't forget, we bring the people to local businesses.

*Arctic and Sparky started to walked toward a nearby gas station*

Arctic: Snack time?
Sparky: Snack time.
Heat: We'll meet you two back at the house.
Sparky: Gotcha.

*Gyro and Heat left the area while Sparky and Arctic walked into the gas station convenience store. Sparky gazed around the small store as he began to wander through the nearby candy isle*

Male Cashier: Oh snap! Are you two Avengers!?

*Sparky and Arctic both quickly turned to the clerk as their presence excited him*

Sparky: Uh no.
Arctic: Just regular superheroes.
Male Cashier: Gnarly man, local types, I like that.

*Arctic went to the cashier as Sparky took a few bars of candy*

Arctic: Ya I'm Arctic and that other guy is Sparky?
Sparky: Hey.
Arctic: We're actually kind of...

*Arctic looked as he saw two masked men run toward the store. Arctic quickly dived into one of the isles as he got out one of his pistol BB guns*

Arctic: Act natural.

*The masked men quickly barged in and pointed their guns at the cashier. The cashier slowly backed away and quickly raised his hands in the air*

Masked Male: Give me the money in the register!!!

*The other masked man scanned around the nearby isles as nobody seemed to be in them. The lights suddenly shut off as both masked men looked up to the ceiling lights. Arctic shot the hand of the masked man wielding the gun as his hand was  instantly frozen in place*

Masked Man: Damn! What the f*ck!?

*He dropped the gun as a short ice beam strike that masked man's hand, freezing his whole arm*

Masked Man: Sh*t!

*Sparky put on his shock gloves as he ran up on both masked men and punched them in the face. The gloves delivered a high voltage shock to both the masked men as the blow sent them both to the floor. Both masked men were completely incapacitated as the cashier appeared completely enthralled*

Male Cashier: That was fricking amazing dude! How can I repay you guys? Anything! Like did you want free food or a free fill-up?
Arctic: Actually, uh...are you hiring?





*Early Evening*

*Gyro was gazing around the empty shelves and pantry in their kitchen as Heat was in their backyard pondering to herself. Gyro slowly sighed and went outside as Heat looked at her with a veneer of gloom on her face*

Gyro: Hey, you okay?

*Heat nodded to her as she gazed up at the cloudy sky*

Heat: Be blunt with long do you think we're really going to be here for?
Gyro: I don't know? It could be a few more days...a week...a month...all of our lives.

*Heat slowly shook her head as she turned to Gyro*

Heat: All of it, gone...all those people. Imagery, Geo, Rosary...gone. When do you think that's really going to hit them?

*Heat sighed to herself in sorrow as she stared at the ground. Gyro quickly went beside her as she smiled to her with a cheerful face*

Gyro: Heat, you need to relax and stop being such a downer. Look, I'm sure we'll find our way back sooner than you think. Or maybe some of our friends will show up here just like we did.
Heat: I suppose...
Gyro: Let's just enjoy that all four of us made it here together.

*Heat smiled at her as she nodded*

Heat: Want to help me prepare for a classic campfire?

*Heat then gathered a bunch of nearby sticks in their yard as Gyro folded her arms*

Gyro: You know we should really wait for Sparky and Arctic.

*Heat tripped over a makeshift dirt mound causing all the sticks to fall to the ground. She looked at the dirt mound as she noticed something had appeared in the dirt. They both went to it and started to dig it out as it was a dead old dog with a collar on it saying "Sparky". Gyro looked shocked while Heat stepped back and covered her mouth*

Heat: Whoa, is that even possible? Is this Sparky's old dog!?
Gyro: Sparky, can't see this.
Heat: I know...we'll dig him out and uh...dump him in the cemetery.
Gyro: I'll get a bag.

*Gyro quickly went inside to the kitchen*

[Gyro (From the Kitchen): Sh*t, we don't have any bags!]

*Heat then slowly looked at the corpse in disgust*

Heat: Awe gross, that means we have to touch it now.





*Arctic and Sparky were walking down the neighborhood by the coast as Sparky tugged his gloves*

Sparky: You know everyone keeps on talking about these Avengers. They must be legends here.
Arctic: I don't know, it sounds like it could be the whole Heroes Guild thing with them. First, you sign up thinking you're going to protect the local people or just your nation. Next thing you know they're asking you to help enslave a country and that is where I cross the line; I mean, do they know how much work that is?

*Sparky chuckled as he nudged Arctic*

Sparky: I'm going to do some research on them before we contact them.

*(Distant) Crackle*
*(Distant) Boom*

*Sparky and Arctic looked toward Manhattan, which was on the other side of the large body of water, as lightning struck from the mostly clear sky*

Sparky: Ugh...lightening? Was that a meta-human?
Arctic: Of course we get teleported in the most least interesting place.
Sparky: Wait! Look!

*They looked as Iron Man flew from the direction of where the lightning had struck as he was now flying far above the nearby coast of the beach. He was headed towards their general direction as Sparky and Arctic looked at him from below*

Sparky: Wait, I can control that thing.

*Sparky held out his hand as Iron Man's suit had completely turned off. Iron Man started to flail around in the air as Sparky quickly turned his suit back on. They both dashed behind a fence as Iron Man began to scan around while coming toward the residential area*

Arctic: Why did you do that?
Sparky: I thought that was a robot, wait...isn't that a robot?

*Sparky and Arctic peeked over the fence as they looked at Iron Man who continued to look around the area. Iron Man then landed on the ground close to a house while Sparky began to observe him*

Sparky (To Arctic): The inside is hollow...hollow enough to put a person inside of it.
Arctic (To Sparky): So that's a dude?
Sparky (To Arctic): Or a chick.
Arctic (To Sparky): Want to bet if the person has the word "man" or "woman" for their super name?
Sparky (To Arctic): Oh, come on, no one really does that anymore.

*Iron Man started to march closer to their position. They quickly went down as Sparky seemed scared*

Sparky (To Arctic): Do you think he's evil?
Arctic (To Sparky): It's a person inside a robot suit, that just feels evil.
Iron Man: Anyone here?

*Sparky looked over at a kid who ran out of a nearby house to Iron Man*

Boy: Iron Man! It's really him!

*Arctic then peeked over as they both caught of glimpse of Iron Man walking up to the boy*

Iron Man: Glad to see my biggest fan.

*Iron Man began to kneel to the boy when he came up to him. Iron Man then quickly snapped his attention to an attractive older woman who walked out of the house the boy came out of*

Iron Man: And I hope I'm your mom's biggest fan too.

*Arctic began to peek over even more as Sparky was looking at him*

Sparky (To Arctic): Arctic, let's go...Arctic.

*Arctic looked to Sparky as he firmly shook his head*

Arctic (To Sparky): I'll meet you at the house.
Sparky (To Arctic): Arctic, come on. You know I'm not leaving you.

*The boy went back inside the house as Arctic then jumped over the fence and walked toward Iron Man. Iron Man swiftly looked at him as Sparky was slightly peeking over*

Sparky (To Himself): Arctic, what are you doing?
Iron Man: And who are you?
Arctic: Arctic, and you?
Iron Man: Iron Man, I'm guessing you don't read the news a lot. I mean, how can you not know about me? I'm the best part of the Avengers.
Arctic: Well, you can say I'm new to the area.
Iron Man: You weren't playing with my suit earlier, were you?
Arctic: Not with a name like Arctic.
Iron Man: Maybe you know someone named EMP then? If you are harboring a fugitive, you'll go to jail too.
Arctic: Look I'm here to introduce myself to you only because I saw you're an inspiration to these people. To when I was their age.
Iron Man: And do I pass your hero test?
Arctic: I don't know, because I've talked to a lot of fake heroes-
Iron Man: Are you calling me a fake hero?
Arctic: Only if you actually are.
Iron Man: And what about yourself Arctic? How many people have you saved? How many times have you done a courageous act, huh? How many times have you risked your life for little kids like him?
Arctic: Sounds like every time I'm out taking a stroll down a city, but how many people have you personally lost!? How many people have-

*Pfff* *PSHEW*

*Iron Man's rocket boots jetted him up in the air as Arctic watched him rocket away into the sky*

Sparky: Arctic, what was that?

*Arctic looked at Sparky who just walked up to him*

Arctic: That guy felt like a sleaze bag. Like he puts on the suit and uses it to get free discounts.
Sparky: It could be true or it could be false...I told you we'll be looking into these people soon, we can't be chatting them up yet...or arguing with them on their merits.
Arctic: Bet he's some snooty d*ck with a yacht club, where he owns all the yachts.
Sparky: Or maybe he's a blood donor who works at soup kitchens and gives most of his fortunes to charity? Arctic, seriously though, no needless confrontations right now.
Arctic: Alright, you're's just...
Sparky: And ya he seemed like a total blowhard.
Arctic: Who hits on some kid's mom in front of a kid anyway...

*The two left the area while the sky grew darker*


*In a white blank room a  floating flat screen TV was showing Arctic and Sparky leaving the area*

[Man: And...cut!]