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The Four Horsemen and Their Seven Little Shits

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It was still early morning when Tony opened his eyes slowly and let out a tiny groan. He moved to stretch before attempting to untangle himself from the mess of limbs on the bed. Being in a polyamorous relationship had its benefits. Lots of cuddles, tons of kisses, massive amounts of sex etc. But waking up the morning after wasn't always pleasant, especially when two of the three people you share a bed with cling to anything tight enough to bruise sometimes.

After trying for a solid ten minutes to get up without waking anyone else he huffed and simply shoved his way through the limbs and bodies of his lovers, scurrying to the bathroom as soon as he was free. Loki, being the light sleeper he is, woke up instantly and let out a loud sound of annoyance. He was never a morning person and he most certainly hated being woken up any time before 10am.
Tony shuffled back into the room and was instantly greeted by a pillow hitting him in the face, courtesy of Loki.
“Sorry for waking you sweet cheeks, but if I waited any longer I think I would have burst.” Loki just huffed in annoyance and laid back down, snuggling closer to Natasha who was still dead asleep. “Since you’re up already, you take care of the breakfast.” Tony whined and folded his arms “It’s Bucky Bear’s turn, I made breakfast yesterday” “Good luck trying to get him to make anything remotely edible.
He didn’t come to bed until 4 this morning.”
Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair, glancing over at Bucky who had his face hidden under a couple pillows; but you could still hear his snoring clear as day. “Will you at least help me?” “I could but that would mean I'd have to leave the comfort of this bed, and I wasn’t planning on doing that anytime soon.”

Tony rolled his eyes in response and shuffled his way quietly out of the room. He yawned and dragged himself down the halls, which were dimly lit by a few rays of sun that started to peek through the curtains. He took note of his second youngest, Clint, who was on the couch fast asleep, with his head faced down in the cushions. Worrying that he might not be able to breathe, Tony went to roll him over but stopped at the sound of rustling and soft footsteps coming from the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes and went to investigate, making sure his footsteps remained silent. He peeked slowly into the kitchen and let out a huge sigh at the sight of his second oldest, Thor who was in the middle of making an unnecessarily large bowl of cereal along with a sandwich, two pop tarts, and a couple fruits.
Thor froze at the sound of his father and quickly turned to face him, with a sheepish smile on his face and a light pink tint on his cheeks. “Morning dad” “Why am I not surprised? How long have you been up?” Thor took a generous bite of the peach he was holding in his hand and shrugged “About half an hour?” Tony folded his arms and kept an unimpressed look on his face “We’ve talked about this.” “I know! But- you guys take ages to wake up and by that time I'm starving!”
“I know for a fact that you sneak into the kitchen after midnight just to eat Nutella by the spoonful, among other things. That should at least be able to tide you over until one of us gets up to make breakfast.” Tony knew his son did this because he was tired of getting up in the morning and seeing that all the damn Nutella was gone. The younger boy took another bite while mumbling “I sleep better with a full stomach.” “Loki’s gonna have to go to the store again at this rate.” The sound of eggos popping up out of the toaster could be heard and Tony couldn’t help but sigh again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Breakfast was almost ready by the time everyone else started shuffling into the kitchen. Clint came in first with his eyes still closed, followed by Shuri and Hela. “Morning” Tony greeted. Both girls grumbled in response and took their seats at the dinner table. After that came Natasha, who was carrying their youngest child, Bruce in her arms. He was only half awake, but Tony could see that he was anything but happy to be.
Peter came next, sporting some pretty wild looking bedhead and remnants of drool on his chin. By this time, breakfast was ready and Wade, Loki and Bucky still hadn’t woken up yet. Tony preferred to eat meals as a family so he went to wake everybody else up, entrusting Shuri, Peter and Natasha to make sure that Thor didn’t try to start eating before everyone was at the table. Tony decided to wake Wade first. He walked into the room that he shared with Peter and Thor and smiled softly at the sight of his oldest, still fast asleep.

His smile only widened when he picked up a pillow and smacked him on the head with it. “Rise and Shine my boy, breakfast is ready” Wade groaned and sunk deeper into his covers. “Piss off, I ain’t hungry yet old man” Tony chose to ignore his statement and continued pelting the poor boy with his pillows mercilessly. It wasn’t long before Wade pitched up and swung one of his pillows back, smiling triumphantly when it caused his father to stumble backwards.
Tony chuckled and tossed his pillows back on the bed “Get up, or I'll feed your breakfast to Thor” “He’s probably eaten it already” Wade stretched and stood up, with his blanket wrapped around his body, making him look like a nun. “We’d hear Shuri, Tasha and Peter grilling him about it if he did.” He patted his son on the back and pushed him gently toward the dining table before turning to head toward his bedroom.

He opened the door and was greeted to the sight of Loki on top of Bucky, giving him soft lazy kisses.

Tony took note of Loki’s more feminine features as he walked over to the two. “I get up at the asscrack of dawn, cook breakfast for everybody and here you two are shacking it up without me?” Loki rolled his eyes “You woke up at 8am. Don’t be so dramatic” Bucky chuckled softly while looking at him “I’ll make it up to you by destroying you tonight. Would you like that doll?” Tony opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Natasha who came in after him, with a frown on her face. “Fury wants to see us tomorrow morning and Tony can’t afford to be out of commission” Tony and Loki scoffed in unison “The fuck does he want now?”

“He didn’t tell me. He just called, told me we had a meeting tomorrow and then hung up before I could even say ‘good morning’.” Natasha huffed. Bucky groaned loudly and Loki sighed while sliding off his lap “It’s probably about the humans, I've noticed that tensions have been rising again and they might be on the verge of another war.” Loki sighed once more and Bucky lit up at the thought of orchestrating another world war.
“If that was the case then he’d only ask to see you two, there’d be no reason for Tony and I to come.” Natasha stated while flopping down onto the bed. “What else could it be then?” Loki questioned and she just shrugged in response “Fuck if I know” Bucky mumbled. “We’ll need to see if Jarvis will be able to watch the kids.” Tony stated. “I already called. He can’t. But he said that there was someone else he knew that could. His name is Scott” Natasha sighed ''The kids don’t like new faces, hell, they barely like each other.” “What other options do we have Bucky Bear?”

Everyone’s head snapped up at the sound of Bruce screaming,muffled yelling and a loud crash. Loki was the first one out of the room, with Tony following close behind. As they got closer to the kitchen, more yelling could be heard.

“Can’t you manage not to stuff your face for a few minutes Thor!? The rest of those eggs were MINE” Shuri screeched

“Actually Shuri, those were MY eggs” Wade stated

“You already have some!! Why do you need more?!” Peter whined

“Because I’M the oldest, so I automatically get more. I’m a growing boy.”

“That’s a load of shit and you know it!!!” Shuri cried

“And? Even if it is, I’m the oldest so what I say goes”


Thor continued eating the pile of eggs on his plate, not giving a single shit about anyone.

Hela was sleepily leaning on Clint, who was faced down on the table snoring softly, despite all the screaming around him. Bruce was instantly set off with all the yelling and pushed his plate onto the ground, joining the cup that had been pushed already. He then began to throw a tantrum, thrashing around in his chair. The rest of his siblings ignored him and continued screaming at each other.

Before any of the adults could step in to stop the yelling, Shuri reached over the table and shoved Thor’s plate onto the ground, resulting in bits of eggs, bacon, and broken glass being spread all over the floor.

The room fell silent, but that only lasted for about three seconds.

Thor snarled loudly at her and got up, murder clearly in his eyes. Shuri folded her arms, smug expression on her face; Wade was laughing hysterically while Peter was just looking at the wasted food on the floor in dismay. Thor moved lightning fast over to her side of the table with his fists balled up but before he could pounce on her Bucky caught him and held the boy back. “That’s enough guys.” Natasha picked Bruce up, trying to console him but he just continued thrashing violently in her arms; she eventually took him to his room to calm him down.

Wade’s laughing died down to snickering while Loki was making Shuri clean up the mess she made. “Honestly, we leave you all alone for a but a few minutes and you almost kill each other. Why is getting along always such a challenge?” “Everything would have been fine if Thor wasn’t such a greedy oaf” Shuri mumbled while glaring over at him. Loki sighed and turned to Wade. “Clean up the mess Bruce made please.” Wade’s snickering instantly stopped and he groaned loudly at his mother. “Whyyy? I wasn’t even the one that made the mess!!” “You’re the oldest aren’t you?” Peter snickered this time and Wade grumbled loudly while getting up.

Tony sighed running a hand through his hair while looking around. Bruce could still be heard screaming and crying all the way from his room, there was broken glass everywhere and to top it all off, there weren’t even anymore eggs. It was waaay too early for all this. It wasn’t even 11 yet and two of his children were already on the verge of killing each other.

God help this Scott guy tomorrow when he comes to babysit.

Hopefully he survives.