Pat Gill follows Brian David Gilbert on twitter.
“I literally can’t cope with this,” Brian whines to Laura for at least the tenth time in the past five minutes since he got the notification. “Like, I’m incapable.” Pat Gill. Pat fucking Gill. Pat Gill. Of Polygon! Like, what the fuck. “What the fuck,” he says out loud, too, for good measure.
Not only has Pat Gill followed Brian on twitter, but he’s liked several of his tweets. Brian’s tweets! It’s incredible. “This better not awaken anything in you,” Jonah jokes from across the room, because they communicate almost exclusively in memes.
“Oh, baby, I’ve been awakened alright,” Brian responds, and then goes back to scrolling through Pat Gill’s twitter.
(So, Pat Gill is--he’s just. He’s Pat Gill! And Brian is in love with him. Brian had stumbled upon Polygon much by accident at a particularly rough time in his life, and it’s sort of been Content Goals of his ever since. And when he’d watched his first ever Pat Video™, it had been love at first sight.
Dude kinda looks like a frog, but, like, in the best way possible. A kind frog. A gentle frog. A frog who looks like he’d maybe be a little shy at first, but if Brian was enough of a brat he’d open up and do a really good job of dicking him down--and Brian can be a brat when he wants to be. He just needs to figure out how to get Pat Gill to talk to him first.)
The message really seems to come out of nowhere.
Hey, dude, it says, and then, loved your most recent video! Just wanted to let you know i think you’re fuckin hilarious. The message is from Pat Gill. Brian briefly entertains the possibility that he has died, or is maybe in a coma.
Um, hi! I think you’re hilarious too! Love your videos, my man, is what Brian sends back, because he thinks it probably wouldn’t be socially acceptable to say i’m in love with you or do you wanna be my long distance internet boyfriend or can i send you a video of me fingering myself while watching you stream dark souls.
Oh man thanks! Pat responds. Pat Gill you are so welcome, Brian thinks, but doesn’t reply with as much, because Pat sends another message before he can do so. Sorry if it’s, like, weird for me to reach out out of nowhere. I may or may not have just totally binged all of your content and just couldn’t stop myself.
Super duper not weird! Brian says. Feel free to talk to me whenever, you’re funny as fuck and seem to have exclusively good takes. And there it is; Pat Gill’s face in the Twitter window. Long hair and patchy beard and hipster glasses and, unfortunately, Brian’s fucking type to a tee. Does he say it? Does he go there? “Do I say it?” He asks his roommates, unfortunate enough to have to hear every single detail of Brian’s Pat Gill Saga. “Do I go there?”
Laura looks up from Mario Kart just long enough to say, “Get your dick, bro,” which is, really, all the encouragement Brian needs. You’re pretty cute, too, so I DEFFO don’t mind ;) And there it fucking is. Brian really considers flushing his phone down the toilet.
It seems that he won’t need to, though, because Pat almost immediately responds with, Oh, uh! Thanks! There’s a brief pause, and then he also sends, You’re pretty cute, too, haha, and, Do you uh. Have discord?
Of course Brian has discord, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to use it or even has the app downloaded on his phone. He says yes anyway, though, and rushes to install the app so he can add Pat Gill (Pat Gill!) while announcing to the living room and all its occupants, “I’m totally gonna marry this man.”
“I call maid of honor,” Jonah says, and Laura runs him off of Rainbow Road.
So, Pat Gill and Brian… talk. They talk pretty frequently! Sometimes holding long conversations actively and sometimes sending each other stupid little messages throughout the day. It starts with conversations about things they enjoy, recommending shows and movies and games and music to each other, and now, a few months in, they’ve progressed to just talking about their day. Pat always sends Brian a good morning text and Brian always sends Pat a good night text, and at this point they’re basically married.
“So, like, we’re basically married,” Brian had explained to Laura at one point, to which Laura had rolled her eyes and brought up the fact that they had never even talked face to face--which, you know, hadn’t been wrong. So Brian’s gonna fix it!
Brian is fixing it, right now. Soon after that enlightening conversation with Laura, he had made plans with Pat to do a video call. That had been a few days ago, and now here he is, seven PM on a Friday night, waiting for Pat to log in to discord so they can video call (for the first time!!! A momentous occasion!!!).
Brian has changed clothes no less than five times, he’s wearing his sexiest underwear (not that Pat’s gonna see it, probably, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared), and he’s spent the past five minutes figuring out the perfect position to be sitting in when they start the call. You ready? Pat sends him, and he presses the call button in lieu of a response. For the three seconds it takes for Pat to pick up, Brian fucks around with his hair in the little window till it is artfully splayed across his forehead. The top few buttons of his shirt are undone, and he looks totally fuckable, which is good because he's about to get himself a goddamn man.
Pat answers the call, and the first thing Brian notices is how hot he is--really just absolute boyfriend material--all red flannel and vaguely greasy hair and scruff. He has a very brief but very interesting thought about beard burn, before noticing the second thing, which is that Pat Gill is definitely listening to My Chemical Romance in the background.
Brian can’t help himself; instead of being a normal person and saying something like hello, he bursts out with, “Is that MCR?” Never having felt more excited in his life. Pat looks positively stricken.
“Um,” Pat says, like he’s about to try to give some bullshit excuse, and Brian does not want that (it has always been this gay boy’s dream to have an emo boyfriend), so, since this is one of the My Chemical Romance songs he actually knows the words to, he just starts singing along.
“Well I’m not okay, I’m not o-fuckin’-kay--Very angsty choice in music, Pat Gill. I support it wholeheartedly.”
“Uh, thanks,” Pat says, looking equally relieved and embarrassed. “Do you--listen to them?”
“Not really? Or, like, not as much as I probably totally should, but all of their stuff that I know is really good. The lead singer is hot as fuck, too.”
Pat, inexplicably, blushes at this. “Yeah, he, uh, is,” he says, and looks for all the world like he has a lot fucking more to say on the matter.
“Anyway!” Brian says, maybe a little too excited, but he figured if Pat can’t vibe with the real him then this long distance emo boyfriend thing is never gonna work out. “Hi! How are you? My sister didn’t believe that I was gonna be facetiming a cute guy who lives in New York, tonight.” Pat blushes again at Brian calling him cute. It is absolutely the most adorable thing Brian has ever seen.
“I’m, uh. Good! I didn’t really have anyone to tell about tonight, but if I had, they probably wouldn’t have believed me either. Also, this isn’t facetime? Also also, uh. How are you?”
“Shut up,” Brian laughs. “It’s, like, a general term for the act of video calling at this point.” And, now, here is his moment. He lays it on thick, twirling some hair in his finger, smiling at Pat real nice. “And I’m great, now that I get to see your face and hear your voice.” Pat looks, for all the world, like he is about to keel over and die at this. He’s totally gonna be in love with Brian by the end of the night.
(So, they video call, now. Pretty frequently, even. They go from doing it maybe once every few weeks, to once a week, to a few times a week if they can, to whenever they can possibly make time for it. One time, Pat even shows up on the call shirtless. It is easily the best night of Brian’s entire goddamn life.)
Strategically liking your internet crush’s tweets so they’ll notice you is fine. Instant messaging your internet crush once they follow you back is fine. Video calling your internet crush is fine, but--what Brian is about to do might be a mistake.
It’s a Saturday, and they’re about to get on call. Brian is typically the one who presses the initial call button, and the few seconds before Pat picks up are agonizing. Once he does, he begins to say, “Hey, Bri--” but isn’t able to finish before Brian starts in, ukulele in hand, delivering the emo serenade of the century (Pat deserves nothing less, after all).
“Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes,” he starts, and Pat looks absolutely shocked. Maybe it’s not the most traditionally romantic song to use to serenade the man you’re about to ask to be your all exclusive internet boyfriend, but Pat has really worked hard on educating Brian on the wonders which are My Chemical Romance as a concept, and this is one of Brian’s favorite songs of theirs for sure. The concept, while horrific, is also so sweet, in such a weird way. He also knows that Pat loves it, and there’s the added benefit that it, as a song, is probably one of the only ones of theirs that wouldn’t absolutely shred his delicate musical theatre voice. He has to improvise with some of the more shouty parts, but by the end of the song Pat looks like he’s going to swoon into a faint, so Brian considers it a success.
“Anyway, um,” he starts, once he’s finished, after a few moments of extremely loaded silence. “So. Uh. Sorry if that was totally weird, but. I? Kinda? Like you? Like. Am into you. Romantically. And also I think you’re hot. And I know it’s like maybe a little weird and I know that we live, like, four hours apart and I totally get if that’s too weird of a concept for you but like for me personally, I mean I like basically have no time right now for any sort of traditional dating so it’s something I’m comfortable with but if you’re not, that’s understandable, but, just, yeah. I just, uh, figured it’s been long enough and I should go ahead and shoot my shot. So. This is me. Shooting my shot. Sorry if this ruins our bromance, I guess, but. Do you wanna be my all exclusive emo internet boyfriend?”
There is silence for a few long, loaded moments, and Brian is really about to end the call and jump out the window when Pat, blushing red hot, says, “Um. Yeah, I. Like you, too. I have for, uh, a while. So. Yeah! Let’s be all exclusive emo internet boyfriends. Totally. For sure. As long as you promise not to get bitten by a zombie and force me to kill you and live the rest of my life in isolated agony.”
“I can make no such promises, Pat Gill, but I will try,” Brian says, and then barely manages not to tack on something like now do you wanna see my cock, because it might kill Pat for real.
(He gets drunk with Laura and Jonah later in celebration, and spends an entire hour googling long distance sex toys when Jonah makes a joke about how they’re exactly gonna manage to fuck. And then maybe he drunk messages Pat a few times, all, pat gill i sure like you a whole lot, and, did u know they make sex toys for people in long distance relationships.
He’s sure to pass out before he sees Pat’s response, though, as a self preservation tactic, so it’s a sweet little surprise the next day when he wakes up to Pat’s responses (I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, and, I like you a whole lot too, brian david gilbert).)
Things are good. Things are great. Brian has the emo internet boyfriend of his dreams, he’s happy as hell, his online focused career is going about as well as it can be, he has the emo internet boyfriend of his dreams--
The thing is. The thing is! Brian is, like, a pretty fucking horny person. Just, in general. Extreme horny energy, at all times. Brian really knows no other way to be! And he’s never even seen Pat’s dick. He’s never even sent Pat nudes. And they’ve certainly never sexted or had phone sex or sex over video call or anything.
Brian doesn’t really understand it, because, like, a long call which hadn’t concluded itself until four in the fucking morning once had resulted in Pat confessing to Brian that one of his favorite songs is You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison, which is--it’s like MCR’s horniest fucking song! So Pat has to be horny. There’s no way he’s not. He’s just… never really showed it.
It’s been, like, three whole months, though. Brian is getting a little impatient. And then Pat (his emo internet boyfriend!) posts a really good picture to Twitter, and Brian can’t take anymore.
Hello pat my absolute flower, Brian texts him one night, prepared to lay it all out there once and for all, damn the consequences. He’s also, like, maybe a few minutes into a really chill jerk off session, but that’s neither here nor there.
If anyone is a flower in this relationship its you bri, Pat responds. Brian really hopes it’s meant to be a joke about Brian bottoming. Like, how flowers are pollinated? And, like, the thought of Pat topping him along with the word pollinating should not be that hot, but he can’t help the way his breath hitches a bit, running his fingers softly along the length of his dick.
Maybe so!!! Anyway i have a p important question for u, babe. And, well, when Pat responds with a simple shoot, Brian can’t not go for it. Do u wanna see my cock
So, maybe this, like, hadn’t been a good idea! Maybe Pat’s not ready! Too fucking late now. Do you wanna see my COCK, bro. I’m sorry i’m just like a really horny person i figured you probably would have keyed into that by now but i’ve never even sent you NUDES and i’m going into HOE WITHDRAWAL
I. Pat doesn’t send anything else for a few moments, but there’s a symbol like he’s typing the entire time. Eventually, he just sends, yeah, uh. I would. Kinda like that
K cool, Brian says, and sends the image he had prepared earlier; button up shirt undone with his nipples just barely peeking out, boxer briefs shoved down to mid thigh, cock hard and red against his belly. His mouth is open and wet, lips looking swollen and sloppy, and he’d had to suck on his own damn dildo for, like, five whole minutes to get them like that, so Pat better appreciate it.
I, Pat sends back, and then, can i call you?
Go for it big boy, Brian responds, and then he’s getting a discord video call request. He’s considering this endeavor a success.
“Hey, daddy,” Brian says, voice a little wrecked from the stint with the dildo earlier.
“Christ, Bri.” Pat’s voice is deep, sounding absolutely shredded, and it makes Brian’s breath hitch as he can’t help but start jerking off for real, being sure to get the motions of his hand on his wet cock in the frame of the video.
“Sorry if this is--ah--out of nowhere,” Brian breathes. “I tried to be patient. I tried to be good! But I just couldn’t help myself.” If there’s one thing Brian David Gilbert knows how to do, it’s be an absolute brat. There’s a distinct sound of a belt being undone, pants unzipped, and then it’s obvious to Brian that Pat his hand down his pants as he listens to all of Brian’s little pants and moans.
“You--” Pat starts, but then pauses to swallow and gather his thoughts, dark eyes taking in the image on his screen. “You were good, baby. You were real good. I just--needed to make sure it was something you wanted, first.” Brian can’t help himself; he giggles delightedly at the notion. God, what a gentleman.
“Oh, I’ve wanted it, baby. I’ve wanted it for months. Used to, uh. Used to watch videos and streams of yours and finger myself, pretend it was you.”
“Fuck,” Pat swears, and Brian can hear the sound of friction coming from his end of his call as he strokes his cock faster. “Would fuckin’ love to see that, honey.”
“Yeah?” Brian asks, a little breathlessly. “You wanna?” He weighs the thought in his head for a moment; There’s no way he can finger himself and jerk off and keep his grip on his cellphone. It’ll take longer to come, but he can totally still come just from prostate stimulation. He’s done it before. And it would probably be totally worth it for the look on Pat’s face.
Mind made up, he doesn’t say anything else on the matter, just brings the hand he’d been fisting his cock with up to his mouth to suck on his fingers a bit, making sure to put on a bit of a show. Spit as lube isn’t ideal, but it’ll do for now. He watches Pat’s face as Pat watches him move his hand down slowly between his spread legs, circling his hole with one finger before pressing in, slowly to make up for lack of adequate lube.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Pat says, voice rough and scratchy. “I’m fucking keeping you.” Brian giggles delightedly again before sighing at the feeling of being filled.
“Yeah. Yeah, Pat Gill, I want you to,” he says in response, and then doesn’t say much more of actual substance for a while.
(When they meet for the first time, Brian driving the four hours in one trip, it’s amazing. Sharing meals with Pat, walking around New York with Pat, cuddling with Pat, getting pounded into the mattress by Pat--it’s everything he’s ever hoped for and more. So is the second time, and the third, and the fourth. When he gets the job offer from Polygon, it’s basically a no brainer. And when he tells Pat officially and Pat says, “Okay, but if the zombie apocalypse does happen and we have to barricade ourselves in a mall, I’m the one who gets to get bitten by a zombie.” Brian even agrees. He's gonna fuckin’ marry this man. For sure.)