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honestly what did you expect? (voltron textfic)

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lance has added keith, shiro, allura, pidge, hunk, coran and matt to 'lady gaga is a lesbian'

 

labce: y hello there

 

labce: ive gathered you all here today

 

shirio: lance what is this

 

labce: to say that lady gaga is a lesbian

 

labce: damnit shiro you ruined it

 

shirio: 1. language and 2. sorry

 

sunboy: see now u upset shiro

 

shirio: im not upset

 

sunboy: he may never forgive us

 

labce: oh no what have i done

 

alluba: Lance!!!!!!! did!!!!! you!!!!!! make!!!!!!! my!!!!!!!! husband!!!!!!!! sad!?!??!??!?!?!?!!??

 

mbitch: i heard sad shirt

 

mbitch: wai

 

labce: shirt

 

sunboy: shirt

 

alluba: shirt

 

shirio: shirt

 

greendye: shirt and why are you texting us in a group called lady gaga is a lesbian

 

keith: wh

 

labce has changed 'keith' to 'xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx'

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: i

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: ,,,,, okay so i hate this already and ive only been here for like less than a minute

 

labce: its my job to make everyone as miserable as possible in the shortest amount of time

 

sunboy: as his best friend of 14 years i can 100% confirm this statement

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: wait plesae say pidge is here i dont wanna suffer alone

 

greendye: its me, ya gender neutral friend, uhh, skinny penis

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: oh thank fuck

 

alluba: i love that hes not complaining about his name

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: its a they/them day i beg

 

alluba: oop ok

 

alluba: sos

 

shirio: keith?

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: ohgodohfuck

 

labce: ?

 

shirio: see, last night i noticed a /dent/ in the ice cream

 

shirio: can you see where im going with this?

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: im sorry shiro also can someone /plesae/ change my name?

 

greendye: i got u 

 

greendye has changed 'xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx' to 'keitheth'

 

keitheth: yknow what

 

keitheth: sure

 

labce: SO ANYWAYS

 

sunboy: oh no here we go again

 

labce: WHAT I REALLY GATHERED YOU ALL HERE TO SAY IS

 

sunboy: ignore him

 

labce: HUNKY BOY HERE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!

 

sunboy: wait for it

 

labce: AND I DO TOO?!!?!?

 

greendye: uh cool but you forget im aroace and have no idea why youre so hyped over this

 

shirio: ignore them, congrats to you lutendant garr-clain

 

mbitch: was that a 

 

mbitch: whatever and yeah congrats boys

 

alluba: about time you stop complaining to me about being lonely

 

labce: al L   U R    a

 

shirio: uh keith?

 

shirio: you alive over there bud?

 

keitheth: yeah, yeah i was finishing stuff

 

greendye: what 'stuff'

 

keitheth: pidge. 

 

greendye: whoops gotta blast-

 

labce: 

 

labce: wokay

 

 

 

 

greendye > keitheth

 

greendye: hey you okay?

 

keitheth: mhm

 

keitheth: peachy

 

greendye: call?

 

keitheth:

 

keitheth: please

 

 

call ended (3:56:23)

 

greendye: please take care of yourself i hate seeing you so shriveled and sad

 

keitheth: ughbhgbh but it takes so much EFFORT! 

 

greendye: i know keith

 

greendye: i know

 

 

Chapter Text

shirio > lady gaga is a lesbian

 

shirio: so

 

mbitch: oh no dont bring the kids into this

 

shirio: who here thinks the earth is a star?

 

keitheth: 

 

keitheth: context please? (also its he/him pls and ty)

 

alluba: i personally think its a planet, not a star. (ok beith)

 

labce: planet

 

sunboy: sorry man but i think its a planet

 

greendye: star 

 

mbitch: SEE

 

shirio: so we all think (except for keith who didnt answer, pidge, and matt) that earth is a planet?

 

labce: if my math isnt wrong, ye

 

keitheth: i think its a planet but im open to all opinions

 

sunboy: keith = a saint

 

shirio: so, matt, please, tell the children what /you/ think the earth is

 

mbitch: ............................................

 

mbitch: a star

 

greendye: let me jsut get google real fast

 

greendye: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

 

keitheth: ??

 

mbitch: IM DIVORCING GOOGLE THANKS

 

keitheth: /????????????????????????/

 

alluba: im going back to sleep

 

keitheth: same allura

 

sunboy: its??? 1pm???

 

keitheth: do you think that matters to us?

 

alluba: ^^^

 

greendye: ^^^^

 

labce: ^^^^^^^^^^

 

sunboy:

 

sunboy: no....

 

shirio: hunk do you wanna go out nd get some wendys while these utter idiots sleep their lives away?

 

sunboy: sounds festive im in

 

keitheth: shiroo :( can u bring me a salad with strawberries and pecans?

 

shirio: you have to come with us

 

shirio: no exceptions

 

keitheth: ...........

 

keitheth: are yyou taking the minivan or the 300?

 

shirio: minivan cause im also taking matt

 

keitheth: im taking the whole back row and keep the windows tinted 

 

labce: keith is spoiled and its amazing

 

alluba: he is. i would know.

 

alluba: but we love him, sadly

 

sunboy: /sadly/

 

keitheth: im

 

keitheth: offended

 

 

 

shirio > keitheth

 

shirio: why are you actually coming with?

 

keitheth: i wanted my salad

 

shirio: /keith/

 

keitheth:

 

keitheth: fine

 

keitheth: i wanted to hang out with you

 

shirio: bud 

 

shirio: we couldve hung out anyways! i can always make time for you, youre my little brother!

 

keitheth is typing

 

shirio: keith i know what youre gonna say dont even try 

 

keitheth: not by bloo

 

keitheth: 

 

shirio: scale it 1-10

 

keitheth: 7

 

shirio: you can stay in bed and when i get back we can watch wall-e, how does that sound?

 

keitheth: good

 

shirio: sprite?

 

keitheth: sprite

 

 

 

mbitch > lady gaga is a lesbian

 

mbitch: "no exeptions" my ass

 

shirio: matt, 7, wall-e, sprite

 

mbitch: sir yes sir

 

labce: can we ask?

 

alluba: keith is sad, on a scale of 1/10 is a 7, wall-e is a 'struggle movie' as they phrase it, and same thing with sprite except its a drink

 

sunboy: i- wo

 

labce: you guys 

 

labce: give the boy love

 

greemdye: @keitheth HEY WE LOVE YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

labce: see, thats not how you show love pidgey

 

greendye: its how i do it

 

labce: its like this; keith we love you a lot ok and i know we dont exactly radiate a loving energy in this god forsaken chat but we really do live you and eachother <3 

 

shirio: keith i have your salad

 

keitheth: thank you shiro and i guess i love you guys too

 

sunboy: see, i would be offended if you were anyone else

 

labce: see i would be offended if you w

 

labce: holy shit

 

greendye: it really yabba dabba do be like that

 

 

 

 

 

alluba > lady gaga is a lesbian (lmao like 2 hours later)

 

alluba: [keith_cuddling_shiro]

 

 

alluba: [hes_a_baby_what_the_fuck]

 

alluba: [i_cant_believe_anyone_could_even_think_of_hurting_him]

 

labce: hes soft im

 

sunboy: see thats the loml right there

 

greendye: see he comes off as all tough n shit but hes fucking dainty and we love him

 

mbitch: when i was in there with them, keith was sprawled out over me and shiro and guys

 

mbitch: he PURRS

 

greendye: thats the first time uve heard him purr?//

 

mbitch: yeah??

 

greendye: hes purrs a ton over at our house

 

greendye: when we're stimming or watching buzzfeed unsolved, or when i scratch his scalp

 

greendye: he can get really soft. im surprised this is the first time hes done it around you guys

 

shirio: i finally pried my phone from under him without him waking 

 

shirio: uh i shouldnt explain the purring situation here

 

shirio: i knew he purred already

 

shirio: but its not my place to tell why he doesnt do it a lot :/

 

sunboy: space dad uses emojis im screaminf

 

 

Chapter Text

labce > lady gaga is a lesbian

 

labce: GUYS!!!!!!!!

 

sunboy: hm?

 

shirio: thats a concerning amount of '!'s

 

shirio: so please explain before i come to your home and check to see if marco has stolen your phone

 

alluba: do tell, lance!

 

greendye: its 2:30 why did you wake me up

 

shirio: pidge... no....

 

greendye: pidge yes

 

alluba: ?? lonce???

 

mbitch: oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 

keitheth: i- im alive wh

 

shirio: sadly

 

keitheth: bitch

 

labce: aa sorry i had to wrestle my phone from kendra

 

labce: BUT!!!!!!

 

labce: for my news!!!!!

 

greendye: [cracks knuckles] its party time bitches

 

labce: 1

 

labce: 2

 

labce: 3!!

 

labce has added RolloingDownTheStreet

 

??RolloingDownTheStreet: sup fuckers

 

sunboy: why do you have my phone?!

 

??RolloingDownTheStreet: fuck you Thats why!!

 

alluba: hello!!

 

shirio: okay Boys lets introduce ourselves.

 

shirio: shiro, gay, astrologist, dating allura and matt, he/him

 

keitheth: keith, also gay, studying astrology in college, single hoe, he/they

 

alluba: allura, pansexual, still deciding, refer to shiro's message, she/her

 

labce: the names lance ;), bisexual, studying marine biology, dating nyma, he/him

 

mbitch: matt, bi, a nurse at the hospital down altea strt, refer to shiros msg, he/him

 

greendye: pidge, aroace, highschooler, single duh, they/them

 

sunboy: hunk, panromantic heterosexual, studying cuisine, dating shay, he/him

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: i

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: wow

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: okay

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: so im rolo, bisexual, studying mechanics, single, he/him

 

keitheth: wait

 

shirio: rolo?

 

mbitch: rolo?

 

alluba: like, rolo? rolo?

 

keitheth: holy siht

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: wait keith?

 

labce: whaaat??

 

sunboy: whats going on

 

greendye: wait

 

greendye: shit holy shit lance get rolo out of here

 

labce: why??

 

greendye: lance NOW

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: i believe we got off on the wrong foot.

 

labce has removed 'RolloingDownTheStreet' from 'lady gaga is a lesbian'!

 

sunboy: what was that??

 

keitheth: bkock hin

 

labce: woah woah woah

 

labce: are you okay??

 

labce: keith??

 

shirio: lance please give him a minute

 

shirio: ill explain everything if he gives me the okay

 

greendye: can i dm him?

 

shirio: he said yeah pidge, and i can explain

 

shirio: so a few months ago, keith dated rolo. they were doing good, in a happy, healthy relationship until rolo wanted to take it further. you all know keith is ace, and demi, correct? well, he didnt want anything like that, but rolo, being a selfish asshole forced him to, well, have sex. rape, if you will. 

 

shirio: and if youre wondering why he never told you, he really doesnt like talking about it, especially since rolo was a sadist. he was hurt and we ended up bringing him to the hospital because some wounds got infected.

 

shirio: afterwards, he came to me in the middle of a panic attack, and had a shutdown. thats when we really found out he was touch averse. 

 

shirio: about a week later he tried to kill himself.

 

labce: jesus christ

 

labce: wait is that why he always gets so defensive when i joke about him being single??

 

alluba: it took ages for him to trust people again, and seeing as it was only 9 months ago, hes come a long way in a very short amount of time.

 

mbitch: guys, it seems kinda bad so dont force him to talk to you, okay?

 

sunboy: im baking him a cake. you cant stop me

 

greendye: can i bring the stim toys over and hang out with him?

 

shirio: hunk, make sure to use soy or almond milk, pidge, yeah and bring the blanket too

 

labce: can i come over too? i can bring some movies?

 

shirio: you basically live here, all of you. so yeah you guys can all come if you want.

 

alluba: hunk, why dont you bring the ingredients and we bake together?

 

sunboy: im down! :)

 

shirio: keith is crying wh

 

shirio: this is keith and i love you ghusy so much alsdkahs

 

shirio: he snatched my phone sorry

 

shirio: but he really does love you guys, more than he lets on.

 

mbitch: he always raves about how you guys are cooalsjfa;lsdjigh

 

mbitch:

 

alluba: just

 

alluba: be gentle with him. he comes off as strong but hes a very delicate person when it comes down to it. 

 

greendye has changed 'lady gaga is a lesbian' to 'sunny k'

 

sunboy: is that a sunny d reference-

 

greendye: indeed it is, hink

 

greendye: HUNK*

 

sunboy: hink

 

labce: hink

 

alluba: hink

 

shirio: hink

 

mbitch: hink

 

keitheth: hink

 

sunboy: keith!!

 

keitheth: sorry about that, i didnt mean to ruin the fun :/

 

labce: Keith you're an idiot.

 

shirio: lANCE

 

labce: Let Me Finish.

 

labce: you shouldnt be saying sorry for reacting the way you did. you were forced into something you didnt want, of course when the person who did it comes back into your life after such a short amount of time youre gonna freak out! so stop. saying. sorry. for your emotions.

 

keitheth: akjdsfgdsfhgdskjf

 

mbitch: hes crying again

 

mbitch: [keith_loves_you_guys.png]

 

greendye: unlock the door allura

 

labce: i picked all of them up so we're all here and pidge has an ominous red and green box

 

labce: [The_Box_TM.png]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

keitheth > 'sunny k' (a few hours later)

 

 

 

 

keitheth: i love you guys. i dont say it enough but i do.

 

keitheth: good night

 

 

Chapter Text

yoo so i uh---

 

uh-

 

basically im taking a hiatus 😳😳😳😳😳

yea

im not tired of the vld fandom (im still v here, dont worry) and i still love this book,, but

like

 

me having and keeping motivation is like eating soup with a fork ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so
uh
yeah

dont think im leaving u gays okay? ily and i love reading your comments uwu

 

i
uh

 

okay byE-

Chapter Text

keitheth has changed their name to stardust!

 

stardust: im feelin a fancy today 

 

stardust: *tips hat* yoohoo men

 

pinacutelada: /what/

 

 

shirio: hes high off of allergy meds

 

stardust: i do.nt tidfh

 

stardust: i don/t/ th*inbk i

 

stardust: i .dot

 

bibibabyblue: take ur time

 

stardust: i dont think yourte udsing that prhase correctingly

 

bibibabyblue: there u go

 

greendye: i feel bad,,,,, for laughin,,g, but this is him releasing all his crackhead energy that hes pent up 

 

matata: shiro

 

matata: shiro

 

shirio: yes honey?

 

matata: how many allergy pills did you give him?

 

shirio: ...

 

shirio: 5...

 

matata: sHIROHJDN

 

matata: no wonder hes tripping balls rn

 

alluragingpansexual: i woke up to keith sscreaming the stupid reeces cup cereal song

 

stardust:  im a  fucing GOF

 

stardust: GOD

 

stardust: its colf

 

bibibabyblue: its the same temp as always??'

 

stardust: oh wormj

 

greendye: HAHASHDAHSNDAKS

 

stardust: anywayd i tnink selena gomes is sa whore

 

matata: SJKHAHDASDHASHDH

 

alluragingpansexual: KEITHAHSASJDN

 

stardust: FAVE IT SHES  A SLKUT

 

shirio: GUYS HE GOT HIS WEIRD ALIEN KNIFE AJSDHA

 

shirio: WAIT

 

shirio: HAHEHASD HE HAS A CORKBOARD FULL OF SELENA GOMEZ THEORIESAHSDHASDHASHDAH

 

shirio: [picture_of_keiths_board.png]

 

pinacutelada: JSDADJASDHASHDAHHAHHAHAHAHA KEITHDNFJ

 

bibibabyblue: IM SOBBIGNDN GJSN

 

matata: [video_of_keith_aggressively_pointing_his_knife_at_the_board_and_ranting_about_selena_having_afairs_with_the_illuminati.mov]

 

greendye: IM ACTRUAKKY ABOT TO PISS MYSLEAHSHADHASHDASHDAHSDASHDAHAHAHA

 

shirio: "THATS HOW SHE GOT VAGINAL CANCER" HSAABSFTR78NUVSSYDRNGFsdfhsdgDHFBAKSDGFADFAHUN

 

shirio: iM SDRMAW

 

matata: [keith_falling_into_lances_arms_after_proving_his_point.mov]

 

matata: [flUSTERED_LANCEY_KADASDA.png]

 

greendye: im so glad i could witness that holy shit

 

shirio: lancguagne 

 

greendye: lancguagne

 

pinacutelada: lancguagne

 

matata: lancguagne

 

alluragingpansexual: lancguagne

 

shirio: i can t believe this

 

pinacutelada: i guess lance and keith are having a bonding moment?

 

greendye: HASDHASHDAHSNNJF

 

matata: keith is /still/ mad about that

 

matata: like he'll message me at 2 am like

 

matata: mAtT wE hAd A bOndInG mOmENt aND hE dIdNT rEmemBER

 

shirio: im....

 

shirio: im related to him..........

 

alluragingpansexual: sadly

 

shirio: RUDE-

 

greendye: lancguagne

 

shirio: PUDGE

 

shirio: WAIT NO