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honestly what did you expect? (voltron textfic)

Chapter Text

lance has added keith, shiro, allura, pidge, hunk, coran and matt to 'lady gaga is a lesbian'


labce: y hello there


labce: ive gathered you all here today


shirio: lance what is this


labce: to say that lady gaga is a lesbian


labce: damnit shiro you ruined it


shirio: 1. language and 2. sorry


sunboy: see now u upset shiro


shirio: im not upset


sunboy: he may never forgive us


labce: oh no what have i done


alluba: Lance!!!!!!! did!!!!! you!!!!!! make!!!!!!! my!!!!!!!! husband!!!!!!!! sad!?!??!??!?!?!?!!??


mbitch: i heard sad shirt


mbitch: wai


labce: shirt


sunboy: shirt


alluba: shirt


shirio: shirt


greendye: shirt and why are you texting us in a group called lady gaga is a lesbian


keith: wh


labce has changed 'keith' to 'xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx'


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: i


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: ,,,,, okay so i hate this already and ive only been here for like less than a minute


labce: its my job to make everyone as miserable as possible in the shortest amount of time


sunboy: as his best friend of 14 years i can 100% confirm this statement


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: wait plesae say pidge is here i dont wanna suffer alone


greendye: its me, ya gender neutral friend, uhh, skinny penis


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: oh thank fuck


alluba: i love that hes not complaining about his name


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: its a they/them day i beg


alluba: oop ok


alluba: sos


shirio: keith?


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: ohgodohfuck


labce: ?


shirio: see, last night i noticed a /dent/ in the ice cream


shirio: can you see where im going with this?


xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: im sorry shiro also can someone /plesae/ change my name?


greendye: i got u 


greendye has changed 'xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx' to 'keitheth'


keitheth: yknow what


keitheth: sure




sunboy: oh no here we go again




sunboy: ignore him




sunboy: wait for it


labce: AND I DO TOO?!!?!?


greendye: uh cool but you forget im aroace and have no idea why youre so hyped over this


shirio: ignore them, congrats to you lutendant garr-clain


mbitch: was that a 


mbitch: whatever and yeah congrats boys


alluba: about time you stop complaining to me about being lonely


labce: al L   U R    a


shirio: uh keith?


shirio: you alive over there bud?


keitheth: yeah, yeah i was finishing stuff


greendye: what 'stuff'


keitheth: pidge. 


greendye: whoops gotta blast-




labce: wokay





greendye > keitheth


greendye: hey you okay?


keitheth: mhm


keitheth: peachy


greendye: call?




keitheth: please



call ended (3:56:23)


greendye: please take care of yourself i hate seeing you so shriveled and sad


keitheth: ughbhgbh but it takes so much EFFORT! 


greendye: i know keith


greendye: i know



Chapter Text

shirio > lady gaga is a lesbian


shirio: so


mbitch: oh no dont bring the kids into this


shirio: who here thinks the earth is a star?




keitheth: context please? (also its he/him pls and ty)


alluba: i personally think its a planet, not a star. (ok beith)


labce: planet


sunboy: sorry man but i think its a planet


greendye: star 


mbitch: SEE


shirio: so we all think (except for keith who didnt answer, pidge, and matt) that earth is a planet?


labce: if my math isnt wrong, ye


keitheth: i think its a planet but im open to all opinions


sunboy: keith = a saint


shirio: so, matt, please, tell the children what /you/ think the earth is


mbitch: ............................................


mbitch: a star


greendye: let me jsut get google real fast




keitheth: ??




keitheth: /????????????????????????/


alluba: im going back to sleep


keitheth: same allura


sunboy: its??? 1pm???


keitheth: do you think that matters to us?


alluba: ^^^


greendye: ^^^^


labce: ^^^^^^^^^^




sunboy: no....


shirio: hunk do you wanna go out nd get some wendys while these utter idiots sleep their lives away?


sunboy: sounds festive im in


keitheth: shiroo :( can u bring me a salad with strawberries and pecans?


shirio: you have to come with us


shirio: no exceptions


keitheth: ...........


keitheth: are yyou taking the minivan or the 300?


shirio: minivan cause im also taking matt


keitheth: im taking the whole back row and keep the windows tinted 


labce: keith is spoiled and its amazing


alluba: he is. i would know.


alluba: but we love him, sadly


sunboy: /sadly/


keitheth: im


keitheth: offended




shirio > keitheth


shirio: why are you actually coming with?


keitheth: i wanted my salad


shirio: /keith/




keitheth: fine


keitheth: i wanted to hang out with you


shirio: bud 


shirio: we couldve hung out anyways! i can always make time for you, youre my little brother!


keitheth is typing


shirio: keith i know what youre gonna say dont even try 


keitheth: not by bloo




shirio: scale it 1-10


keitheth: 7


shirio: you can stay in bed and when i get back we can watch wall-e, how does that sound?


keitheth: good


shirio: sprite?


keitheth: sprite




mbitch > lady gaga is a lesbian


mbitch: "no exeptions" my ass


shirio: matt, 7, wall-e, sprite


mbitch: sir yes sir


labce: can we ask?


alluba: keith is sad, on a scale of 1/10 is a 7, wall-e is a 'struggle movie' as they phrase it, and same thing with sprite except its a drink


sunboy: i- wo


labce: you guys 


labce: give the boy love


greemdye: @keitheth HEY WE LOVE YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT


labce: see, thats not how you show love pidgey


greendye: its how i do it


labce: its like this; keith we love you a lot ok and i know we dont exactly radiate a loving energy in this god forsaken chat but we really do live you and eachother <3 


shirio: keith i have your salad


keitheth: thank you shiro and i guess i love you guys too


sunboy: see, i would be offended if you were anyone else


labce: see i would be offended if you w


labce: holy shit


greendye: it really yabba dabba do be like that






alluba > lady gaga is a lesbian (lmao like 2 hours later)


alluba: [keith_cuddling_shiro]



alluba: [hes_a_baby_what_the_fuck]


alluba: [i_cant_believe_anyone_could_even_think_of_hurting_him]


labce: hes soft im


sunboy: see thats the loml right there


greendye: see he comes off as all tough n shit but hes fucking dainty and we love him


mbitch: when i was in there with them, keith was sprawled out over me and shiro and guys


mbitch: he PURRS


greendye: thats the first time uve heard him purr?//


mbitch: yeah??


greendye: hes purrs a ton over at our house


greendye: when we're stimming or watching buzzfeed unsolved, or when i scratch his scalp


greendye: he can get really soft. im surprised this is the first time hes done it around you guys


shirio: i finally pried my phone from under him without him waking 


shirio: uh i shouldnt explain the purring situation here


shirio: i knew he purred already


shirio: but its not my place to tell why he doesnt do it a lot :/


sunboy: space dad uses emojis im screaminf



Chapter Text

labce > lady gaga is a lesbian


labce: GUYS!!!!!!!!


sunboy: hm?


shirio: thats a concerning amount of '!'s


shirio: so please explain before i come to your home and check to see if marco has stolen your phone


alluba: do tell, lance!


greendye: its 2:30 why did you wake me up


shirio: pidge... no....


greendye: pidge yes


alluba: ?? lonce???


mbitch: oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead


keitheth: i- im alive wh


shirio: sadly


keitheth: bitch


labce: aa sorry i had to wrestle my phone from kendra


labce: BUT!!!!!!


labce: for my news!!!!!


greendye: [cracks knuckles] its party time bitches


labce: 1


labce: 2


labce: 3!!


labce has added RolloingDownTheStreet


??RolloingDownTheStreet: sup fuckers


sunboy: why do you have my phone?!


??RolloingDownTheStreet: fuck you Thats why!!


alluba: hello!!


shirio: okay Boys lets introduce ourselves.


shirio: shiro, gay, astrologist, dating allura and matt, he/him


keitheth: keith, also gay, studying astrology in college, single hoe, he/they


alluba: allura, pansexual, still deciding, refer to shiro's message, she/her


labce: the names lance ;), bisexual, studying marine biology, dating nyma, he/him


mbitch: matt, bi, a nurse at the hospital down altea strt, refer to shiros msg, he/him


greendye: pidge, aroace, highschooler, single duh, they/them


sunboy: hunk, panromantic heterosexual, studying cuisine, dating shay, he/him


RolloingDownTheStreet: i


RolloingDownTheStreet: wow


RolloingDownTheStreet: okay


RolloingDownTheStreet: so im rolo, bisexual, studying mechanics, single, he/him


keitheth: wait


shirio: rolo?


mbitch: rolo?


alluba: like, rolo? rolo?


keitheth: holy siht


RolloingDownTheStreet: wait keith?


labce: whaaat??


sunboy: whats going on


greendye: wait


greendye: shit holy shit lance get rolo out of here


labce: why??


greendye: lance NOW


RolloingDownTheStreet: i believe we got off on the wrong foot.


labce has removed 'RolloingDownTheStreet' from 'lady gaga is a lesbian'!


sunboy: what was that??


keitheth: bkock hin


labce: woah woah woah


labce: are you okay??


labce: keith??


shirio: lance please give him a minute


shirio: ill explain everything if he gives me the okay


greendye: can i dm him?


shirio: he said yeah pidge, and i can explain


shirio: so a few months ago, keith dated rolo. they were doing good, in a happy, healthy relationship until rolo wanted to take it further. you all know keith is ace, and demi, correct? well, he didnt want anything like that, but rolo, being a selfish asshole forced him to, well, have sex. rape, if you will. 


shirio: and if youre wondering why he never told you, he really doesnt like talking about it, especially since rolo was a sadist. he was hurt and we ended up bringing him to the hospital because some wounds got infected.


shirio: afterwards, he came to me in the middle of a panic attack, and had a shutdown. thats when we really found out he was touch averse. 


shirio: about a week later he tried to kill himself.


labce: jesus christ


labce: wait is that why he always gets so defensive when i joke about him being single??


alluba: it took ages for him to trust people again, and seeing as it was only 9 months ago, hes come a long way in a very short amount of time.


mbitch: guys, it seems kinda bad so dont force him to talk to you, okay?


sunboy: im baking him a cake. you cant stop me


greendye: can i bring the stim toys over and hang out with him?


shirio: hunk, make sure to use soy or almond milk, pidge, yeah and bring the blanket too


labce: can i come over too? i can bring some movies?


shirio: you basically live here, all of you. so yeah you guys can all come if you want.


alluba: hunk, why dont you bring the ingredients and we bake together?


sunboy: im down! :)


shirio: keith is crying wh


shirio: this is keith and i love you ghusy so much alsdkahs


shirio: he snatched my phone sorry


shirio: but he really does love you guys, more than he lets on.


mbitch: he always raves about how you guys are cooalsjfa;lsdjigh




alluba: just


alluba: be gentle with him. he comes off as strong but hes a very delicate person when it comes down to it. 


greendye has changed 'lady gaga is a lesbian' to 'sunny k'


sunboy: is that a sunny d reference-


greendye: indeed it is, hink


greendye: HUNK*


sunboy: hink


labce: hink


alluba: hink


shirio: hink


mbitch: hink


keitheth: hink


sunboy: keith!!


keitheth: sorry about that, i didnt mean to ruin the fun :/


labce: Keith you're an idiot.


shirio: lANCE


labce: Let Me Finish.


labce: you shouldnt be saying sorry for reacting the way you did. you were forced into something you didnt want, of course when the person who did it comes back into your life after such a short amount of time youre gonna freak out! so stop. saying. sorry. for your emotions.


keitheth: akjdsfgdsfhgdskjf


mbitch: hes crying again


mbitch: [keith_loves_you_guys.png]


greendye: unlock the door allura


labce: i picked all of them up so we're all here and pidge has an ominous red and green box


labce: [The_Box_TM.png]








keitheth > 'sunny k' (a few hours later)





keitheth: i love you guys. i dont say it enough but i do.


keitheth: good night



Chapter Text

yoo so i uh---




basically im taking a hiatus 😳😳😳😳😳


im not tired of the vld fandom (im still v here, dont worry) and i still love this book,, but



me having and keeping motivation is like eating soup with a fork ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


dont think im leaving u gays okay? ily and i love reading your comments uwu




okay byE-

Chapter Text

keitheth has changed their name to stardust!


stardust: im feelin a fancy today 


stardust: *tips hat* yoohoo men


pinacutelada: /what/



shirio: hes high off of allergy meds


stardust: i do.nt tidfh


stardust: i don/t/ th*inbk i


stardust: i .dot


bibibabyblue: take ur time


stardust: i dont think yourte udsing that prhase correctingly


bibibabyblue: there u go


greendye: i feel bad,,,,, for laughin,,g, but this is him releasing all his crackhead energy that hes pent up 


matata: shiro


matata: shiro


shirio: yes honey?


matata: how many allergy pills did you give him?


shirio: ...


shirio: 5...


matata: sHIROHJDN


matata: no wonder hes tripping balls rn


alluragingpansexual: i woke up to keith sscreaming the stupid reeces cup cereal song


stardust:  im a  fucing GOF


stardust: GOD


stardust: its colf


bibibabyblue: its the same temp as always??'


stardust: oh wormj




stardust: anywayd i tnink selena gomes is sa whore




alluragingpansexual: KEITHAHSASJDN






shirio: WAIT




shirio: [picture_of_keiths_board.png]




bibibabyblue: IM SOBBIGNDN GJSN


matata: []






shirio: iM SDRMAW


matata: []




greendye: im so glad i could witness that holy shit


shirio: lancguagne 


greendye: lancguagne


pinacutelada: lancguagne


matata: lancguagne


alluragingpansexual: lancguagne


shirio: i can t believe this


pinacutelada: i guess lance and keith are having a bonding moment?




matata: keith is /still/ mad about that


matata: like he'll message me at 2 am like


matata: mAtT wE hAd A bOndInG mOmENt aND hE dIdNT rEmemBER


shirio: im....


shirio: im related to him..........


alluragingpansexual: sadly


shirio: RUDE-


greendye: lancguagne


shirio: PUDGE


shirio: WAIT NO