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Camelot Geeks and the Knights of the Oblong Table

Chapter Text

Knights of the Oblong Table:

PanDragon: Okay
PanDragon: Its official guys
PanDragon: We now have conclusive proof that morgana is evil

Sir Lance: I am almost afraid to ask.

tankthetop: yeah I don’t see how she could possibly top the x-box incident

gin-n-tonic: im genuinely scared

Leon: Uh oh…
Leon: Please tell me she didn’t


Leon: NO!
Leon: Well… Sorta?
Leon: I might have seen her Amazon basket. 

PanDragon: LEON!!!
PanDragon: I am going to KILL YOU!

Sir Lance: Guys

PanDragon: I am going to kill you and frame her

Sir Lance: What did she do?



Sir Lance: 

gin-n-tonic: i was right to be scared

Leon: Its worse than I thought

PanDragon: Its everywhere.
PanDragon: My jersey is covered in glitter
PanDragon: Im gonna look like a bloody disco ball tomorrow!

tankthetop: is the word play intentional?
tankthetop: because if it is…


gin-n-tonic: what about your underwear

PanDragon: FUCK!
PanDragon: THAT TOO!
PanDragon: That bitch is dead!

Sir Lance: I thought Leon was dead

Leon: Thx Lance

Sir Lance: Always at your service ;)

PanDragon: Staged murder-suicide
PanDragon: Obviously
PanDragon: You know i bet i could get morgana to actually kill leon

gin-n-tonic: true
gin-n-tonic: but shed get away with it

PanDragon: Yeah youre right…

Leon: Okay I am afraid for my life rn

tankthetop: there was glitter involved and you kept quiet
tankthetop: you did this to yourself
tankthetop: seriously tho. the world play?

PanDragon: … its in my hair
PanDragon: And she’s LAUGHING AT ME!

tankthetop: answer the question

PanDragon: What? Idk
PanDragon: Wait lemme ask

Leon: Even if so ive seen the them do more insensitive things to each other

PanDragon: Im not exactly in the closet percy. I mean look at my name.
PanDragon: She says it was a funny bonus
PanDragon: I think she just fell on the floor laughing
PanDragon: Besides im plotting to frame her for murder rn so…


tankthetop: so youre not offended?
tankthetop: id be offended

gin-n-tonic: yea but its you
gin-n-tonic: nobodyd do that after the whole debacle, cmon
gin-n-tonic:  besides youd snap them like a twig if someone did.

L-nyan: Whoaaaaa…

Sir Lance: Hey, Elyan

L-nyan: Sorry I missed all the excitement

PanDragon: Dont you dare
PanDragon: I know guinevere must have told you about this

L-nyan: Maybe…

PanDragon: Double murder suicide

L-nyan: I can make it up to you

PanDragon: You most CERTAINLY CANNOT!

L-nyan: Give her a hug
L-nyan: That way she’d be all glittery too
L-nyan: And Leon!

PanDragon: K i forgive you
PanDragon: Brb

Leon: I hate all of you

Sir Lance: I mean you could just not snog arthurs technically-sister

tankthetop: true

Leon: Shut up, Lance!

Sir Lance: <3 

Ouija Board Bitches:

scream my name: HAHAHA
scream my name: I am the QUEEN OF REVENGE!!!

pointyWizardry: You did it?!

Queenevere: Oh my god
Queenevere: How was it

scream my name: Ah, my darling Guinevere…
scream my name: It was… Now, how shall I put it?

pointyWizardry: Punctuation. Mustve been good

scream my name: Good?
scream my name: It was amazing.
scream my name: It was beautiful!
scream my name: It was the most breathtakingly sparkling, supremely evil thing in revenge history with just a whisper of gay to spice it up.

pointyWizardry: Well even so we’re all going to be cleaning glitter out of our asses until we graduate from uni.

scream my name: And it was WORTH IT!
scream my name: Crap gotta go

Queenevere: Damn i hadnt even thought of that
Queenevere: You know arthurs gonna retaliate
Queenevere: The odds of not getting caught up in the middle is about -2

pointyWizardry: Yeap
pointyWizardry: We’re fucked

Queenevere: Cheers…

Chapter Text

Ouja Board Bitches:

scream my name: Stop whatever youre doing and listen up because im about to blow your minds!

Queenevere: This should be good

pointyWizardry: Have you noticed you always start like that when you have something excruciating planned?

scream my name: We're going to freya muridens party!

pointyWizardry: No were not

scream my name: Yes we are

pointyWizardry: No, we most certainly are not.

scream my name: Yes, we absolutely are.

pointyWizardry: You'd need to get me at gunpoint, Le Fay.

scream my name: Don’t think I won’t, Emrys!

Queenevere: Ill go

scream my name: YES! Gwen I love you!

pointyWizardry: Im still not going

scream my name: Why the hell not?!

pointyWizardry: Because im an antisocial weirdo
pointyWizardry: Antisocial weirdos do not go to parties on saturday nights
pointyWizardry: Antisocial weirdos sit at home binge reading that one fic that hasnt updated in like two years because maybe this time it'll come back.
pointyWizardry: Antisocial weirdos listen to game music as they try to make consistent world guides to inconsistent worlds of bbc dramas.
pointyWizardry: Oh and antisocial weirdos play dnd with their friends.
pointyWizardry: Remember? 

scream my name: I know, but it's House Avalon and Freya Muriden!

Queenevere: Come on merlin you never go out with us
 We could play on sunday

scream my name: Yeah!
scream my name: And maybe we'll meet someone who wants to join?

pointyWizardry: At a party in house avalon?

Queenevere: Well were gonna be there
Queenevere: Other geeks might be too
Queenevere: Like elyan hes gonna be there

pointyWizardry: You can go! Ill just do the other antisocial weirdo things.

Queenevere: But it will be so much more fun with you there

scream my name: Come on, Merlin. 
scream my name: Think of how many idiots we'll get to make fun of.

pointyWizardry: You make an excelent point
pointyWizardry: Do I have your word we'll play on sunday?

scream my name: Yes! Plus Uthers going out of town on sunday

Queenevere: Im slightly concerned that that is what convinces you

pointyWizardry: You should change your name to Cinnamonroll

Knights of the Oblong Table:

Sir Lance: So everyones coming to the party right?

tankthetop: yes

Leon: Yeah

gin-n-tonic: ye

L-nyan: yes

PanDragon: Yeah yeah
PanDragon: Leon is your bog witch of a girlfriend gonna be there?

Leon: ...Yes?

PanDragon: Excellent

Leon: Arthur dont
Leon: I want to spend time with girlfriend without your nonsense for once in my life

tankthetop: youre the one dating a bog witch

gin-n-tonic: arent your parents away? take her to your place
gin-n-tonic: you can have all kinds of fun.

Direct Message (@L-nyan)

Sir Lance: Here we go again...

L-nyan: XD
L-nyan: i literally made popcorn

Sir Lance: What? Really?

L-nyan: made it for the movie but this is more entertaining
L-nyan: gwens giving me weird looks tho

Sir Lance: I feel like I should have a drink I could obscenly sip from with a straw

L-nyan: hahahahahaha 

Leon: Do you want me to hurt you? 

PanDragon: Okay the next time i see you im punching you in the throat

gin-n-tonic: get your minds out of the gutter
gin-n-tonic: i was just offering a solution
gin-n-tonic: princess is not going to leave our fave bog witch alone otherwise
gin-n-tonic: and leons gonna ditch us anyway

tankthetop: whoa whoa whoa
tankthetop: you better not be ditching us for a bog witch

Leon: -.- 
Leon: Calling her a bog witch is not the way to convince me otherwise

PanDragon: Okokokokokokok
PanDragon: I'll back off until sunday if you hang with us

Leon: Im not ditching my girlfriend for you arthur!
Leon: How about you dont ruin our night and i dont tell her youre planning something on sunday

L-nyan: selling out your gf for a night of snogging?
L-nyan: my my... what has happened to our sweet leon?

PanDragon: How about I back off saturday and you tell her im planning something on sunday

Leon: ... But why?

PanDragon: Thats my price

Leon: No. I can keep my mouth shut but i draw the line at setting her up. 
Leon: How about a trade
Leon: A bottle of jack daniels for a night of peace

PanDragon: Two

Leon: Done 

Sir Lance: I wonder how fast morgana would break up with you if she ever saw this chat.

Direct Message (@scream my name)

Leon: Ok 
Leon: I got arthur to back off for the party

scream my name: You didnt have to do that i can handle him

Leon: I cant

scream my name: :')
scream my name: Howd you do it

Leon: Promised him alcohol

scream my name: Hahaha sounds about right
scream my name: Btw gwens coming
scream my name: And merlin!

Leon: Really? Great!

scream my name: You dont mind hanging out with them a little right?

Leon: Of course not
Leon: I can give them a ride too :)

scream my name: I love you

Leon: I love you too

Chapter Text

Knights of the Oblong Table:

PanDragon: [image: Leon's car driving away with Morgana in the front seat]
PanDragon: BOOOO!
PanDragon: Traitor!

gin-n-tonic: what happened to the knights honour leon? our solidarity!
gin-n-tonic: was our brotherhood worth so little?!

tankthetip: how could you abandon us for a bog witch!

L-nyan: we love you too leon you don’t need her!

Sir Lace: We'll love you better than her!

PanDragon: I'm not touching what the bog witch has touched

Leon: Thanks lance im good

gin-n-tonic: dont text n drive leon
gin-n-tonic: its irresponsible
gin-n-tonic: i expected better from you

Leon: Im pulled over you styrofoam head 

PanDragon: What why?

Leon: Because it's rude to expect people to apparate into a moving car.

tankthetop: who are you picking up?

Leon: Merlin then Gwen

L-nyan: wait.
L-nyan: hes coming? i thought gwen was kidding

PanDragon: Ill believe it when i see it
PanDragon: That guys a hermit
PanDragon: Im surprised he even shows up to school

Direct message (@pointyWizardry):

scream my name: Get you butt down here emrys

pointyWizardry: Promise me you wont abandon me with the hoomuns
pointyWizardry: Hoomuns are very annoying and I might punch one

scream my name: I promise for the ninth fucking time now GET DOWN HERE!!!!

pointyWizardry: If I punch one it'll be on your head

scream my name: OKAY! 

pointyWizardry: Ok im coming down

scream my name: You got dressed right?

pointyWizardry: See for yourself ;)

Leon: [image: Merlin in the back seat, wearing tight white t-shirt, a distressed denim jacket and tight jeans, flipping off the camera]

tankthetop: he cleans up good

gin-n-tonic: told ya he was hot
gin-n-tonic: none of you listened to me

tankthetop: not when he wears geek shirts thatd be too big on me

gin-n-tonic: whats it matter how he dresses he looks the same naked
gin-n-tonic: also he wears anime merch

L-nyan: he has this one death note one thats really cool
L-nyan: actually they all are

tankthetop: dont stink up the chat with geek

PanDragon: Hate to agree with percys bashing of death note but...
PanDragon: Are we seriously talking about what that idiot wears

gin-n-tonic: yea
gin-n-tonic: we should talk about what he looks like out of them

PanDragon: Not what i meant

tankthetop: he looks like hes toned now that his clothes arent consuming him

Sir Lance: I can confirm that he is

tankthetop: how the fuck can you confirm that

Sir Lance: Kick box

gin-n-tonic: AND YOU TELL THIS NOW?!
gin-n-tonic: Im signing up

L-nyan: Also...
L-nyan: [image: Merlin Gwen and Elyan selfie at the beach.]

tankthetop: *whistle*

gin-n-tonic: holly mother of GOD

tankthetop: it should be illegal for him to wear shirts

PanDragon: Ok enough with the merlin thirst

gin-n-tonic: how can you not find that hot?

PanDragon: Objectively sure
PanDragon: But its hard to find anyone associated with Morgana attractive

Sir Lance: Gwen is your ex girlfriend.

PanDragon: Why do you feel the need to do that?

Chapter Text

Ouija Board Bitches:

pointyWizardry: SOS
pointyWizardry: EDWINS BACK!

Queenevere: ... Ew gross

pointyWizardry: IM TRAPPED IN THE BATHROOM!!!!

Queenevere: What does that have to do with edwin?

pointyWizardry: I HAVE TO PASS HIM TO LEAVE!!!
pointyWizardry: HELP ME!!!

Queenevere: Im on it

pointyWizardry: Its not even break what is he doing here?
pointyWizardry: I never should have come
pointyWizardry: Im going home

scream my name: Youre going to let him ruin your night?
scream my name: You said you were having a good time 

pointyWizardry: Oh you caught that did you

scream my name: Yes
scream my name: Come on youre merlin emrys
scream my name: Youre the only person I know how has the balls to flip off Uther

pointyWizardry: Im going to be on edge all night. I want to leave

scream my name: Why do you even care?

pointyWizardry: Don't.
pointyWizardry: I don't have the energy to defend myself to you.
pointyWizardry: Not everyone has exes like elena

scream my name: Ok ok youre right im sorry
scream my name: You want me to call you a cab?

pointyWizardry: Yeah. Thanks.

scream my name: Ill see you tomorrow right?

pointyWizardry: Yeah yeah im fine. I just dont want to be near him. Ever.

Direct Message (@pointyWizardry):

Leon: You ok?
Leon: You left really suddenly

pointyWizardry: Yeah
pointyWizardry: Just tired
pointyWizardry: Too much socialising for one night
pointyWizardry: Thanks for asking tho

Leon: Did you have fun at least?
Leon: I know the girls kinda dragged you along

pointyWizardry: Well tonight was the first time i saw morgana giggle so thats a definite yes
pointyWizardry: You should hang out with the group more

Leon: Yeah totally

pointyWizardry: :)

Direct Message (@Strawberry-Rose):

pointyWizardry: Hey its merlin

Strawberry-Rose: Hi!

pointyWizardry: It was great talking to you again. 

Strawberry-Rose: Yeah, it was.
Strawberry-Rose: Sorry about Edwin again. If I'd known you were coming I would have told him to get lost.

pointyWizardry: If i had known he was back in town i wouldnt have been there
pointyWizardry: I'd just rather avoid his entire existance
pointyWizardry: And that whole time

Strawberry-Rose: I understand.

pointyWizardry: ... 
pointyWizardry: Im acting like a total twat
pointyWizardry: Im sorry i just... Idk what he told you but from my end it was Bad.
pointyWizardry: I hadnt meant to cut you out too but...
pointyWizardry: I mean hes your brother and it just happened...

Strawberry-Rose: I wasn't trying to accuse you
Strawberry-Rose: I really do understand- Or at least enough to know why you did it. I know my brother too well.

pointyWizardry: Youre the only part of the break up I regret. I never should have let us grow apart.
pointyWizardry: I really miss you

Strawberry-Rose: I miss you too.
Strawberry-Rose: Me and Edwin have never really been the same after what he did to you.
Strawberry-Rose: Just never really could look him the same way.

pointyWizardry: I'm sorry.

Strawberry-Rose: Please don't apologise. It wasn't your fault and it never will be. It's his own damn fault for being an asshole.

pointyWizardry: You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that.
pointyWizardry: Or... you know, read

Strawberry-Rose: Wish I had said it two years ago.

pointyWizardry: Never too late
pointyWizardry: Actually speaking of not being too late. You still like dnd?

Strawberry-Rose: Yeah. Why?

pointyWizardry: We're starting a new campaign tomorrow at morganas. You wanna join?

Strawberry-Rose: Oh my god, yes!
Strawberry-Rose: Nobody asks me to do fun stuff at school.

pointyWizardry: It's the popular girl signal. They assume you're boring.

Strawberry-Rose: I just like being nice...

pointyWizardry: Yeah. Youre a lot like gwen. You need someone like Morgana to balance that out.
pointyWizardry: Chaotic Mischief.
pointyWizardry: Or ya know just wear merch. Haha

Strawberry-Rose: I can never find anything good :/

pointyWizardry: I'll help you look online tomorrow

Strawberry-Rose: Great! 

Chapter Text

Knights of the Oblong Table:

PanDragon: Anyone up?

tankthetop: me
tankthetop: how the hell are YOU up?

PanDragon: Have you met my father?

tankthetop: never mind 
tankthetop: whats up

PanDragon: Ok
PanDragon: What would you say if i told you freya muriden was in my living room rn

tankthetop: bullshit

PanDragon: Freya Muriden is in my living room.

tankthetop: bullshit

PanDragon: Siting on the big couch.

tankthetop: bullshit

PanDragon: Giggling and draped over merlin.

tankthetop: ...
tankthetop: say wut

L-nyan: ????

PanDragon: Yeah

L-nyan: draped over how?

PanDragon: Tf kind of a question is that? Im not gonna write smut for you!

L-nyan: dfjkdfkjdfkjdfkj

tankthetop: really arthur?
tankthetop: how'd you get from 'too close on the couch' to 'smut'

PanDragon: Whatever

L-nyan: is he doing it back?
L-nyan: do they look like they're dating?

PanDragon: Idk but he doesnt do this with morgna thats for sure... 

tankthetop: Isnt he gay?

PanDragon: Bi

L-nyan: hjdfhdjfdhjdfhj

tankthetop: we're gonna have to listen to you mope for a week arent we

PanDragon: You could never have her anyway
PanDragon: ... Although neither could merlin
PanDragon: Wtf is happening to the world?

tankthetop: well i mean he has nicer abs than you so...

PanDragon: Take that back!

tankthetop: i will do no such thing

PanDragon: He is not hotter than me

tankthetop: he is tho

L-nyan: OMG WHO CARES?! 
L-nyan: you really think they're dating?

PanDragon: He has his arm around her shoulders.

L-nyan: doesnt mean theyre dating... 

PanDragon: The only person ive seen him hug was morgana and only because he didnt like it and shes a witch

tankthetop: hate to break it to you buddy but i saw them together at the party too
tankthetop: they hugged real long and he got into a cab

L-nyan: T-T

Sir Lance: Theyre old friends
Sir Lance: Like since birth

PanDragon: I havent seen them speak to each other ONCE

Sir Lance: They had a falling out because of a break up
Sir Lance: Not sure if it was theirs
Sir Lance: Merlins pretty tight lipped about it

PanDragon: They are practically cuddling

L-nyan: Could it be her brother?

PanDragon: Probably not. Isnt he like old?

tankthetop: three years isnt that unthinkable

PanDragon: But two years ago?

Sir Lance: More than. He'd be in 8th grade

L-nyan: k probably not
L-nyan: can you ask morgana

PanDragon: Youre the infatuated one. Ask gwen

Sir Lance: You really want them to know were gossiping about him? 

L-nyan: yea
L-nyan: you have probable cause
L-nyan: theres no reason for me to ask something like that

PanDragon: I guess we'll never know then

tankthetop: well whadya know
tankthetop: merlin emrys is interesing

Sir Lance: You only say that because you think hes hot now

tankthetop: its cuz of all the mystery

Sir Lance: Riiiiight

tankthetop: hey! im not that shallow!

Sir Lance: If you hadnt seen that photo, you wouldnt care
Sir Lance: Youd be sending barf emojis by now

tankthetop: why are you suddenly picking on me?

PanDragon: I dont like the guy but hes never been average.
PanDragon: Youd have to be pretty selective in your perception to not see that.
PanDragon: You noticing him NOW is pretty suspect

Sir Lance: Exactly
Sir Lance: Im being protective 

tankthetop: so im not good enough for your precious geek?

Sir Lance: You have as much a shot with him as elyan does with freya

tankthetop: i dont want merlin!

PanDragon: Now that is bullshit   

          ...few hours later

Leon: Cant believe this is why i had to wake up enough to mute my phone 

PanDragon: How drunk did you get last night?

Leon: Im not hung over
Leon: I hit my head really hard

tankthetop: that's what you get for abandoning us

Leon: Hmm
Leon: Just out of curiosity how long did you hang around before you found some sophomore to have your way with?

Sir Lance: 20 minutes

Leon: Real loyal
Leon: Btw you have no shot with merlin

tankthetop: i could have him if i wanted to

gin-n-tonic: yeah... no. youre not his type

tankthetop: as opposed to who? you?

gin-n-tonic: yes

tankthetop: oh please
tankthetop: youve been drooling after him since he was a freshman
tankthetop: if it hast happened yet, it ait gonna happen

gin-n-tonic: i never said it didnt happen

PanDragon: Come again?

Leon: Cant you read?

PanDragon: Shut up leon
PanDragon: You dated merlin?

gin-n-tonic: no?
gin-n-tonic: he doesn't date
gin-n-tonic: why do you think i havent asked him out in the last two fucking years 

L-nyan: so you dont think hes dating freya?

gin-n-tonic: i know hes not

L-nyan: YES!

tankthetop: you still dont have a shot

L-nyan: i know just let me dream... 

Leon: Why have you never told us?

gin-n-tonic: i dont kiss and tell

L-nyan: yeah but its merlin...

gin-n-tonic: he doesnt like me back end of story
gin-n-tonic: anything else is only our business

PanDragon: And yet you yap about how hot he is

gin-n-tonic: he is!

Sir Lance: Wtf even I dont know this.
Sir Lance: When?

gin-n-tonic: im not telling

tankthetop: youre so full of shit
tankthetop: you hadnt seen him shirtless before last night

gin-n-tonic: why would we be shirtless? its a waste of time

Sir Lance: Where did this even happen?
Sir Lance: Merlin never goes out

L-nyan: did it happen at school?

gin-n-tonic: im not telling!

Sir Lance: It so happened at school

tankthetop: i place my bet on car sex

gin-n-tonic: -.-
gin-n-tonic: im gonna ignore you now

Sir Lance: Wait. Did you have sex?
Sir Lance: Or was it just snogging or whatever

PanDragon: Can we stop talking about merlin
PanDragon: Its bad enough he is in my house like every other day eating my all my ice cream
PanDragon: I dont want to talk about his disgusting sex life

gin-n-tonic: hey!

Chapter Text

Ouija Board Bitches:

pointyWizardry: Ive got some news
pointyWizardry: Remember that friend i have?

Queenevere: Which one?

pointyWizardry: How many friends do i have outside of you two?

scream my name: Evidently a lot

pointyWizardry: ?

scream my name: Freya?

pointyWizardry: You knew about freya

scream my name: Still.
scream my name: What was with the whole octopus hugging?

pointyWizardry: Idk
pointyWizardry: Weve always been like that
pointyWizardry: It bothers you?

Queenevere: Shes jealous

pointyWizardry: What?
pointyWizardry: That ridiculous

Queenevere: No its not

scream my name: Are you dating her?

pointyWizardry: WTF NO?!
pointyWizardry: Are you actually jealous?

scream my name: YES!
scream my name: IM YOUR BEST FRIEND!
scream my name: Not some rich little floozy with a lake house from mithians clique

Queenevere: You have a pool

pointyWizardry: Which is worse than a lake
pointyWizardry: Its a waste of water
pointyWizardry: And freya is perfectly modest.

scream my name: Im still your best friend and you recoil at MY hugs fuck you!

Queenevere: What gives merlin?

pointyWizardry: I dunno

scream my name: Unless she is your gf

pointyWizardry: … are you actually mad?

scream my name: No im just…
scream my name: What the fuck, Emrys?

pointyWizardry: I grew up with her idk?
pointyWizardry: I used to be a touch feely hugs everything kinda kid
pointyWizardry: I knew her back then so its easier

Queenevere: Sure helps that freya is a hugger

pointyWizardry: Yeah
pointyWizardry: Didnt know it bothered you this much tho

scream my name: It doesnt
scream my name: I mean it does but whatever you can not like touching
scream my name: Just figured id be the exception if there was one

pointyWizardry: You are the exception.
pointyWizardry: I dont let people hug me but i let you and gwen
pointyWizardry: Also i dont recoil at your hugs
pointyWizardry: You hug my arms how tf am i supposed to hug you back when you hug my arms?

scream my name: I do?

pointyWizardry: Yes!
pointyWizardry: Or you jump on my back.
pointyWizardry: Like what am I supposed to do with that? Give you a piggyback ride?

scream my name: I mean i wouldnt say no

Queenevere: So if i hugged you wouldnt squirm away?

pointyWizardry: No
pointyWizardry: Hug me like a person tho?
pointyWizardry: Really morgana? A piggyback ride?

scream my name: K thats not what i intend. I just dont want you to run away.

Queenevere: Can you carry her?

pointyWizardry: Hey im strong!

Queenevere: Shes heavy tho

scream my name: I AM NOT

Queenevere: Humans are heavy things

scream my name: We are not hoomuns

pointyWizardry: Yeah. How dare you.

Queenevere: -.-
Queenevere: Guys please

pointyWizardry: ^-^

scream my name: <3
scream my name: So can i have piggyback rides?

pointyWizardry: If you ask nicely.

Queenevere: What about me?

pointyWizardry: Ok
pointyWizardry: Still dont see where the sudden interest came from

scream my name: You said it. That's where it came from.
scream my name: Btw merlin your news has to wait
scream my name: I just arrived home and i think we have artuhrs retaliation

pointyWizardry: What is it?

scream my name: Not sure... But it smells disgusting.
scream my name: I'm disappearing for a while.
scream my name: I shall return victorious

Queenevere: He's screwed.

pointyWizardry: I almost feel sorry for him...

Chapter Text

Ouija Board Bitches:

scream my name: So...

pointyWizardry: ?

Queenevere: Morgana?

pointyWizardry: You writing a novel?

scream my name: Uther just gave me the sex talk
scream my name: Well A "sex talk"
scream my name: It was weird.

pointyWizardry: That was not what i was expecting at all.

Queenevere: He gave you a sex talk at seventeen?
Queenevere: Isnt it a little late for that?

pointyWizardry: Gwen I reeeeeally dont thing thats the important bit here

scream my name: Its not

pointyWizardry: How did you even get there????
pointyWizardry: From kicking arthurs ass
pointyWizardry: To "sex talk" with uther?

scream my name: Well I had him pinned to the floor
scream my name: Might have been straddling him too
scream my name: Then uther walked in.

pointyWizardry: EW! 

scream my name: I was just trying to rub monokuma in his face

Queenevere: Honey that explains precisely nothing

pointyWizardry: Im assuming it had a large amount of Smelly Stuff?

scream my name: Yeah
scream my name: He poured after shave all over my bed and plushies. 
scream my name: Monokuma was SOAKED

pointyWizardry: ... Whats wrong with after shave?

Queenevere: Was it the axe one?

scream my name: YES!
scream my name: Glitter is no where near as bad as this!

Queenevere: That is revolting

scream my name: Yup

Queenevere: Didnt think arthur had it in him to be that evil

pointyWizardry: Ok what?

Queenevere: Back in middle school before you transferred
Queenevere: Kay brought this after shave to school
Queenevere: Vivian, Sophia and Lot were all dicking around being dicks

scream my name: And like they threw the bottle at the wall and it exploded
scream my name: On me. Right before class
scream my name: I didnt have a change and that bitch grunhilda wouldn't let me leave to find some
scream my name: I ran out in the middle of class to throw up
scream my name: Then she gave me fucking detention for running out.
scream my name: My father had to come to school and tell her to shove it before she backed off.

pointyWizardry: Think I heard that story
pointyWizardry: That was you?

scream my name: Yeah. 
scream my name: Its that scent too

pointyWizardry: That is way worse than the glitter bomb

scream my name: Well I made him eat it so I think I got him back

Queenevere: So "sex talk"?

scream my name: Yea that.
scream my name: So he thought he caught us in the act
scream my name: He got all
scream my name: I made a promise to your fathery you know like he does?

pointyWizardry: ... Lovely

scream my name: Oh gets lovelier
scream my name: Apparently big man uther doesnt allow me to have sex.
scream my name: Because thats up to him now?

Queenevere: I am affronted.

scream my name: Quite.

pointyWizardry: I'll say

Queenevere: Then what happened?

scream my name: "Oh shit. Wish you'd have told me before. I'm sort of already pregnant with Arthurs baby?"
scream my name: I swear he got a little green before realising I was messing with him.

Queenevere: To be fair that is a nauseating mental image. 

pointyWizardry: I think i got green just reading that.

scream my name: I wouldnt touch him with a lance pole even if he wasnt
scream my name: Oh FUCK!
scream my name: Merlin remeber the FMA volumes you left over here?

pointyWizardry: No!

scream my name: Yeah...
scream my name: One of them was under my comforter
scream my name: Its all... weird and wet. I'll leave it to dry...
scream my name: I'm sorry.

pointyWizardry: Ok
pointyWizardry: So, he's dead, yes?

scream my name: Oh yeah.
scream my name: Now Uther is fair game too. 

Queenevere: You and arthur just dont have any boundaries do you?

scream my name: No not really

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@scream my name):

PanDragon: Did you also have a weird talk with father

scream my name: The banned from sex talk?

PanDragon: That would be the one.
PanDragon: The fuck was that about

scream my name: Idfk
scream my name: Where even are you?

PanDragon: Lots
PanDragon: Project
PanDragon: Totally forgot -.-

scream my name: Better to get your ass kicked by a bog witch, i guess?

PanDragon: Yes, actually.
PanDragon: Wait you know about that?!?!?!

scream my name: Pff arthur please
scream my name: Fyi im colonising your room until you fix mine 

PanDragon: Witch

scream my name: Oh just you try to get rid of me
scream my name: This room is mine
scream my name: Unless you want a follow up the glitter bomb with vomit bomb

PanDragon: Vomit?

scream my name: YES
scream my name: Dont you remember?

PanDragon: OH!

scream my name: NOW the penny drops
scream my name: It was the same scent too
scream my name: Dick

PanDragon: Oops?

scream my name: And no joke be ware of merlin u destroyed his really nice FMA collection.

PanDragon: Scuse me?

scream my name: One of them was under my bedding
scream my name: Hes never lending me anything again.

PanDragon: ...shit
PanDragon: Wow this is like three extra angles of evil than i intended

scream my name: Youre such a disaster 

PanDragon: Ill pay him back obviously

scream my name: Dont think itll help
scream my name: He is out for blood

PanDragon: Tell your pet weirdo to calm down I dont have time to deal with you two TOGETHER

scream my name: Arthur Pendragon, are you backing down from a fight?

PanDragon: Im just busy. Too much shit to do with shit groups

scream my name: You failed the chemistry paper didn't you
scream my name: Youre doing that remedial presentation thingy
scream my name: Thats what youre doing with lot 

PanDragon: ... Maybe

scream my name: Again.
scream my name: Disaster.

PanDragon: Morgana.

scream my name: Fine ill tell him were on a truce till winter break but itll cost you

PanDragon: Oooof course
PanDragon: What does the bog witch want?

scream my name: We are teaming up against uther

PanDragon: No

scream my name: Fine then itll be me and merlin against you
scream my name: After today ive got a lot to make up for
scream my name: And amo to do it with

PanDragon: You wouldn't

scream my name: Try me
scream my name: Trust me giving in is easier.

PanDragon: Fine ill do it

scream my name: Muuhuhhahahahaha

PanDragon: Witch.

scream my name: Shut. Up.
scream my name: You deserve it

PanDragon: My unintentional over reciprocation doesnt make you any less witch

scream my name: So im evil and youre a disaster?

PanDragon: Precisely 

Knights of the Oblong Table:

Leon: Who had pinned down with a face full of plushie?

tankthetop: meeeeeeeeeeeee

L-nyan: damn! i had pillow!

PanDragon: I hate all of you.

Sir Lance: </3

tankthetop: <3

Leon: <3

L-nyan: </3

gin-n-tonic: <3

Ouija Board Bitches:

scream my name: Merlin a favour?

pointyWizardry: Sure

scream my name: Arthur and i are joining forces against uther
scream my name: Also he says hes sorry and will pay you back
scream my name: So i wanna buy some time for him

Queenevere: Same talk?

scream my name: Yeah

pointyWizardry: K
pointyWizardry: I was gonna bide my time anyway

scream my name: Great

pointyWizardry: I need to get back at all the knights for ogling me so...
pointyWizardry: Whats with people and abs tho?

Queenevere: Its not abs 
Queenevere: Its your abs specifically
Queenevere: They are very nice.

pointyWizardry: I dont care.
pointyWizardry: They shouldnt be talking about it.
pointyWizardry: And they need to pay. 

Queenevere: Ive got some ideas about that

scream my name: Wellcome to the dark side, my sweet Guinevere. 

Queenevere: I can feel the slow peck on the cheek from here

scream my name: A fine recruit indeed. 

Chapter Text

Ouija Board Bitches:

pointyWizardry: So do i finally get to tell you about my news?
pointyWizardry: Or is there another random nonsense thats going to interrupt

Queenevere: This is text merlin
Queenevere: You can type away
Queenevere: We can read it later

pointyWizardry: No it shall be read now

scream my name: Just about to ask 
scream my name: Tell us about this yet another new friend

pointyWizardry: I only have one friend you dont know!!
pointyWizardry: Remember that guy i met online
pointyWizardry: We met a few times

Queenevere: Yeah the one in balor

pointyWizardry: Yes
pointyWizardry: Hes moving here!!!

Queenevere: What?

pointyWizardry: We are adopting him to our friend group

scream my name: We are?

pointyWizardry: Damn right we are.
pointyWizardry: And you two shall protect him like he is my non-blood-related brother

scream my name: Haha ok well see

Queenevere: Im sure we will love him
Queenevere: Hes your friend after all

pointyWizardry: Freyas my friend and you dont like her

scream my name: We like her well enough
scream my name: She just unfairly hogging all the hugs

pointyWizardry: Oh for fuck sakes

scream my name: Im SALTY

pointyWizardry: Yeah no shit
pointyWizardry: I said you can have piggy back rides
pointyWizardry: What more do you want from me??!

Queenevere: I dont like her that much
Queenevere: I mean shes ok but...
Queenevere: A bit ditzy?

pointyWizardry: What? No?

Queenevere: Maybe not ditzy but shas a very
Queenevere: Watery personality

pointyWizardry: Watery

scream my name: She means shes a push over.

pointyWizardry: >:|

Queenevere: So whens he coming?

pointyWizardry: Hes already here
pointyWizardry: Told me he was moving here by showing up at my door and going HI NEIGHBOUR! 
pointyWizardry: Asshole

scream my name: Hahahaha
scream my name: Thats actually kinda cute.
scream my name: Im still not promising anything until i meet him tho

pointyWizardry: Hell be at school tomorrw so you guys can meet him them 

          ... the next morning

scream my name: I love him
scream my name: Add him here
scream my name: Add him right now

pointyWizardry: Told ya

Queenevere: Go ahead gloat.

        [@pointyWizardry added @ikilledtheking]

Queenevere: I killed the king?
Queenevere: Should I even ask?

pointyWizardry: Best not >:)

ikilledtheking: 😈

scream my name: Well this is gonna be fun :P

pointyWizardry: I still have my reservations about you in the chat tho
pointyWizardry: My true level of weird bullshit might traumatise you

ikilledtheking: Merlin, we have six hour long phone calls about random shit on a regular basis.
ikilledtheking: I know exactly how strange you are.
ikilledtheking: And I love you for it.

Queenevere: I ship it

pointyWizardry: No.
pointyWizardry: @ikilledtheking Well sure.
pointyWizardry: On the weekends when im fed slept and had my coffee

scream my name: Yeah try talking him down from his rampages at 4 am on a Wednesday

ikilledtheking: You assume I will not also be indignant about this thing that has sent Emrys into a rampage.

scream my name: True

ikilledtheking: @Queenevere— Do you want to know who I ship Merlin with?

pointyWizardry: NO!

ikilledtheking: I wasn't asking you, Merlin. 😬

scream my name: Please tell me its gwaine

ikilledtheking: It is.

pointyWizardry: Fuck you, Camlann.
pointyWizardry: Im leaving this chat

ikilledtheking: Now, that's just a lie.
ikilledtheking: Besides, I might have gotten into the team. 
ikilledtheking: So I have insider information.
They talk about you three a lot. It's slightly concerning.

scream my name: Are you offering to be a spy?

ikilledtheking: My loyalty has always been to Emrys.

scream my name: Merdred.

pointyWizardry: No

Queenevere: Ok you cant say shit like that and expect us to not ship it

pointyWizardry: Yes i can

ikilledtheking: We work better as liege and minion rather that king and consort.
ikilledtheking: Gwaine would work much better. 

pointyWizardry: I dunno what i was worried about
pointyWizardry: Youre such an asshole
pointyWizardry: Get traumatised i dont even care

ikilledtheking: 💙


Chapter Text

Knights of the Oblong Table:

PanDragon: The bog witch just walked up to her pet tapped him on the shoulder and said pleeeeeeeease
PanDragon: He is now carrying her to class on his back
PanDragon: What the ACUTAL FUCK did i just witness?!

tankthetop: holly shit i just saw them too

gin-n-tonic: ?

Leon: If youre next to them
Leon: Why not just ask?

PanDragon: Would you ask?

Leon: Yeah no thats probably not a good idea

Sir Lance: You dont seem to be very shocked by your girlfriend riding another man

Leon: I resent that phrasing
Leon: She texted me last night at like 3 going
Leon: Why dont you ever give me piggyback rides??????????????

tankthetop: why DONT you give her piggyback rides

gin-n-tonic: shame on you

Sir Lance: At least she knows what riding merlin is like

tankthetop: perhaps hes jealous she stole his spot.

gin-n-tonic: no
gin-n-tonic: just no

tankthetop: so you were on top?

gin-n-tonic: percival i swear to god

Leon: Tell us about the weird conversation you had with your father

tankthetop: your threats do not scare me peasant

PanDragon: Percival.

tankthetop: k fine
tankthetop: what strange exchange is this arthur?
tankthetop: do tell

Sir Lance: I can just imagine those last two in your falsetto voice

tankthetop: as you should

PanDragon: He doesnt want me touching morgana.
PanDragon: Exact words.

Sir Lance: Thats just cringy

PanDragon: His full sentences were worse. This is all i can tolerate without throwing up

tankthetop: why would that even need to be said tho

PanDragon: I dont know
PanDragon: We werent doing anything out of the ordinary
PanDragon: But it was the first time he saw us physically fighting
PanDragon: Still who says that?!

L-nyan: oh did he walked in on the monokuma incident?

PanDragon: Yeah

tankthetop: why do you know which it is?

L-nyan: gwen
L-nyan: apparently he also damaged merlins things?

PanDragon: I went a little over the line
PanDragon: Completely by accident

gin-n-tonic: you two have a line?

PanDragon: Yeah
PanDragon: We both definitely know where it is
PanDragon: But its hard to explain to other people

Leon: Mostly because its waaaaaay father that normal siblings

PanDragon: We're not normal siblings tho
PanDragon: Or normal people

gin-n-tonic: maybe thats why
gin-n-tonic: uther has a stick up his ass
gin-n-tonic: dont think hed find it funny that you two are worse than prepubescent brothers

PanDragon: Please dont ever put that image in my head again

gin-n-tonic: sorry

Sir Lance: I think he has a point tho
Sir Lance: You two might not be actually related but in his eyes youre both his children

tankthetop: you two do look alike...

PanDragon: That suggestion is a lot more wrong than you are intending it to be and i suggest you back track right now
PanDragon: Im gonna listen to class i cant fail another thing
PanDragon: Bye

gin-n-tonic: that was weird

Leon: Just shut up and pay attention.

Direct Message (@PanDragon):

tankthetop: im sorry

PanDragon: Its alright

tankthetop: i didnt mean to make you angry

PanDragon: Im not angry
PanDragon: In context that sounds so so SO wrong and you dont have that context
PanDragon: Just dont say that again

tankthetop: ok
tankthetop: are we ok tho?

PanDragon: Yeah

tankthetop: youre late to practice btw

PanDragon: Fuck!
PanDragon: I'll be right there

Direct Message (@sceram my name):

Leon: I think you should talk to arthur about what uther said

scream my name: I did

Leon: No i mean like what he actually said

scream my name: ...
scream my name: Ok?
scream my name: Why is it so important?
scream my name: Hes a piece of shit. What else is there to say?

Leon: Hes also shady as fuck
Leon: Just talk to arthur ok?

scream my name: You want me to go back home then?

Leon: What?

scream my name: Youre looking the wrong way

Leon: Seriously?

scream my name: His room also smells and i refuse to sleep on the couch
scream my name: Also might smell there too in all honestly
scream my name: I can go to gwens or merlins if you want

Leon: No you can stay with me
Leon: Hold on ill buzz you up

scream my name: <3<3<3

Leon: <3

Chapter Text

Ouja Board Bitches:

pointyWizardry: Im dead
pointyWizardry: I have dies

Queenevere: What happened? 

ikilledtheking: He has dies.
ikilledtheking: As in multiple units of singular die.
ikilledtheking: Im assuming, many dice extending to the fourth dimension and occupying the same coordinates within our usual three. 

pointyWizardry: It’s a typo.

ikilledtheking: You mean you haven't discovered the fourth dimension?
ikilledtheking: Why would you get me excited over nothing?!

pointyWizardry: Mordred i WILL wip your ass like egg whites. Do NOT sass me

scream my name: How the fuck are you going to do that exactly?
scream my name: Like how does one egg-white-wip ones ass?

Queenevere: Which btw is officially a thing from this point on

scream my name: Yes

pointyWizardry: Oh my GOD! I die and this is what you care about?

ikilledtheking: So you have discovered the fourth dimension!
ikilledtheking: Is that where all the dead people go?
ikilledtheking: The roaming charges would be through the roof, wouldn't it?

pointyWizardry: MORDRED!!

scream my name: I am with him rn and he literally cant breathe because hes laughing

Queenevere: Maybe hell meet merlin in the fourth dimention 

pointyWizardry: Ok when exactly did this chat become about making fun of me?!!

scream my name: About two seconds after mordred joined
scream my name: Update: mordred has tears in his eyes

pointyWizardry: SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

scream my name: Ok ok were sorry

Queenevere: Were done
Queenevere: Tell us why youre dead

pointyWizardry: I want his phone confiscated
pointyWizardry: He can red over morganas shoulder

scream my name: Done

pointyWizardry: You all still ruined what i was gonna say but whatever serves you right

Queenevere: Just tell us

pointyWizardry: I saw gwaine in his underwear

Queenevere: ...

scream my name: I have a multitude of questions
scream my name: First of all WHERE

pointyWizardry: He showed up at the gym

Queenevere: In his underwear?

pointyWizardry: I assume no but its gwaine so who tf knows
pointyWizardry: I saw him in the changing room presumably changing

Queenevere: Not to sound like an obscene phone call 
Queenevere: But what were you wearing?

scream my name: That does sound a lot like an obscene phone call

pointyWizardry: A towel

Direct Message (@gin-n-tonic):

Sir Lance: So how was kickbox?

gin-n-tonic: ...

Sir Lance: ?

gin-n-tonic: i saw him in a towel
gin-n-tonic: and his face was flushed from the hot water
gin-n-tonic: i was unprepared
gin-n-tonic: i was very much not prepared

Sir Lance: I thought you didnt kiss and tell

gin-n-tonic: there was no kissing
gin-n-tonic: if there were to be any kissing i wouldnt have the CAPACITY to tell
gin-n-tonic: theres smoke coming out of my ears my brains so overloaded 
gin-n-tonic: i need to process this

Sir Lance: Possibly with a long shower?

gin-n-tonic: lkfjsdlkfjklsdfjsl
gin-n-tonic: CAN YOU FUCKING NOT?!
gin-n-tonic: youre worse than percival

Sir Lance: Its too funny

gin-n-tonic: ok you see gwen flushed and in a towel lets wee how YOU handle that!

Sir Lance: Ok fair but what do you expect me to do about this?

gin-n-tonic: i don fuckin kno man
gin-n-tonic: my brain is fried
gin-n-tonic: i just wanted to spend time with him and now ive seen him in a TOWEL

Sir Lance: Its the changing room. It happens. Its not like you planned to see him naked
Sir Lance: Ive seen him like that before. He looks nice

gin-n-tonic: i know thats why im telling this to you
gin-n-tonic: youve seen merlin like that so it wont be like invading his privacy
gin-n-tonic: also nice does not cut it
gin-n-tonic: hot doest cut it either
gin-n-tonic: he is Attractive with a capital A

Sir Lance: I think thats more to do with you being head over heels in love with him rather than how he looks...

gin-n-tonic: GEE
gin-n-tonic: YOU THINK?!!!

Sir Lance: Tell me what exactly happened

Queenevere: dfkahdfjhafkjfdh

scream my name: Hhahahahahahahhaha

pointyWizardry: I saw him in his BRIEFS!!!!!
pointyWizardry: Im never gonna unsee that!

Queenevere: To be fair 
Queenevere: Do you want to?

pointyWizardry: Yes!

scream my name: Now, that is just not true. 

pointyWizardry:  … Yeah no its not. 
pointyWizardry: And the smug bastard knows it!

Queenevere: Gwaine or morgana

pointyWizardry: Both 
pointyWizardry: Ya both are smug bastards

scream my name: Obviously

pointyWizardry: And then he went
pointyWizardry: Ah! Merlin! How are you?
pointyWizardry: Like he wasnt almost naked

gin-n-tonic: i said how are you like a absolute idiot
gin-n-tonic: and then he got this weird look and just like left?

Sir Lance: What? He didnt say anything?

gin-n-tonic: he might have my ears were ringing 

scream my name: Mordreds asking of he can have his phone back
scream my name: Hes about to have a fit have some pity

pointyWizardry: Fine

ikilledtheking: That was unnecessary.

pointyWizardry: I beg to differ

ikilledtheking: Whatever.
ikilledtheking: I think you guys are missing an important detail here.
ikilledtheking: You might have seen him in his underwear, but he saw you fresh from the shower.
ikilledtheking: Based on what I've seen of him, the way he copes is refusing to acknowledge things and excessive eye rolls.
ikilledtheking: He is probably freaking out about it as we speak.


Sir Lance: Because he saw you in your underwear?
Sir Lance: Id think hed actually like that.

gin-n-tonic: i saw him in a towel.
gin-n-tonic: like he was 97% naked
gin-n-tonic: he was 97% naked and i was 82% naked
gin-n-tonic: thats like 90% naked on average 

Sir Lance: 89.5%

gin-n-tonic: and i said how are you
gin-n-tonic: he just looked so uncomfortable...
gin-n-tonic: i made him uncomfortable and saw him naked 
gin-n-tonic: those two things should not be going hand in hand!

Sir Lance: I doubt the first thing that comes to his mind will be you lurking in the changing room to see him in a towel
Sir Lance: The situation itself is awkward 

gin-n-tonic: i know
gin-n-tonic: but like im not going to be able to stop myself thinking about him looking like that
gin-n-tonic: and then whenever i do think of it im going to remember he didnt want me to see him like that

Sir Lance: Youre overreacting.

gin-n-tonic: i. know. that.

Sir Lance: I didnt know you cared this much
Sir Lance: About anything really

gin-n-tonic: its not just anything tho
gin-n-tonic: its merlin
gin-n-tonic: and i dont know how to not suck at this
gin-n-tonic: i dont know how to give fucks
gin-n-tonic: except i do give all the fucks about merlin

pointyWizardry: Ive never seen gwaine to give a shit about anything
pointyWizardry: I mean i know he likes me and i like him
pointyWizardry: I freak out because i freak out about everything
pointyWizardry: Why would HE freak out?

scream my name: Merlin, he doesnt just like you. 
scream my name: He is in love with you. 

ikilledtheking: I don't think you realise how much he cares about you.
ikilledtheking: He never talks about what happened between you. 
ikilledtheking: He never plays along with the teasing, like Leon does.
ikilledtheking: I think it actually bothers him, the way they talk about you, but the Knights are idiots so they don't realise.
ikilledtheking: He asked me about you once. We were alone and he just asked of you were okay when you weren't at school.

pointyWizardry: ...
pointyWizardry: Huh?

ikilledtheking: Just listen, ok?

Sir Lance: Does merlin know you feel this way about him?

gin-n-tonic: of course not
gin-n-tonic: he doesnt like dating and i know why 
gin-n-tonic: sort of. and its actually a good reason
gin-n-tonic: im not going to tell you

Sir Lance: I wasnt going to ask

gin-n-tonic: they are my feelings and he made it very clear any feeling of the like can come to anything
gin-n-tonic: fine whatever its his choice and i get why he made it not that that matters.
gin-n-tonic: we know where we stand
gin-n-tonic: the rest is irrelevant 
gin-n-tonic: i can keep my feelings in check and like not breach his privacy and what not
gin-n-tonic: except lately thats all ive been doing... and now this and i just CANT

Sir Lance: What are you talking about?

gin-n-tonic: YOU?!!! 
gin-n-tonic: like do any of you actually realise how fucking demeaning you are?!
gin-n-tonic: it was fine when it was just me and you guys didnt really care what i said
gin-n-tonic: i had a stupid crush on the weird spindly kid haha now who ate arthurs ice cream again?
gin-n-tonic: but then elyan sent the photo 
gin-n-tonic: and bloody percival started being all percivaly about it
gin-n-tonic: and i tried to play it off but hes percival and i just wanted to shut him up 
gin-n-tonic: so it slipped out that we did something and then it all got out of hand
gin-n-tonic: i kept trying to brush it off and wait for you to get bored but you never did!
gin-n-tonic: and now weve come to a point where you literally discuss what sex positions we might have been in 
gin-n-tonic: mean while im just ificouldjustdiehereandstaywithyouforever in love with him 
gin-n-tonic: but at the same time im the reason you are talking about him like that
gin-n-tonic: and i know merlin hates people talking about him like that

Sir Lance: You talked about him like that!

gin-n-tonic: no i didnt! i said he was hot! thats it!
gin-n-tonic: thats all i EVER SAID!!
gin-n-tonic: because he is hot and i call him hot all the time like i say it to his face and hes fine with that
gin-n-tonic: he laughs when i flirt with him so i do it all the fucking time
gin-n-tonic: what he definitely isnt fine with is the sex positions and all that other shit you do!

gin-n-tonic: im done now

gin-n-tonic: lance youre supposed to say stuff
gin-n-tonic: like you say stuff after someone rants at you

Sir Lance: Yeah
Sir Lance: I know
Sir Lance: Im just reevaluating the last two years
Sir Lance: And feeling like we might be human garbage

gin-n-tonic: thats true you guys are awful.

Sir Lance: We didnt know this!
Sir Lance: How were we even supposed to figure this out?

gin-n-tonic: ive been very obvious about the fact that you guys need to shut the fuck up

Sir Lance: I feel terrible

gin-n-tonic: you should.

Sir Lance: Ive never seen you this angry

gin-n-tonic: yeah.... didnt expect to be
gin-n-tonic: apparently i am. or was idk
gin-n-tonic: didnt expect to say any of that either
gin-n-tonic: shit

Sir Lance: I wont tell anyone
Sir Lance: And ill get the others to stop about merlin

gin-n-tonic: gee thanks lance

Sir Lance: I do feel terrible
Sir Lance: I'm really sorry.

gin-n-tonic: again you should feel terrible
gin-n-tonic: percival especially should feel terrible
gin-n-tonic: but he wont without knowing this and he will not know this got it?

Sir Lance: Give me some credit i can manage that

gin-n-tonic: first do the deed then brag about it lance?

Sir Lance: Will do.

Direct Message (@gin-n-tonic):

pointyWizardry: Can we talk?

gin-n-tonic: why?

pointyWizardry: Because i want to talk

gin-n-tonic: thats not ominous at all

pointyWizardry: Not supposed to be
pointyWizardry: Can i call you on the phone?
pointyWizardry: Are you available now?

gin-n-tonic: yeah ok

Merlin Emrys

incoming call      59 minutes


Chapter Text

Direct Message (@ikilledtheking):

pointyWizardry: Hello

ikilledtheking: Hi.
ikilledtheking: Did you talk to Gwaine?

pointyWizardry: Yea
pointyWizardry: Im a terrible person

ikilledtheking: No, you're not.

pointyWizardry: Yes i am
pointyWizardry: I am a terrible very very horrible person

ikilledtheking: I feel like you are referring to more than him being in love an you being oblivious to it.
ikilledtheking: I can still guarantee that you are not a terrible person.
ikilledtheking: What happened?

pointyWizardry: I slept with him

ikilledtheking: ...
ikilledtheking: You what?

pointyWizardry: Im the worse person alive

ikilledtheking: No, you're not.

pointyWizardry: Hes in love with me and im not in love with him and i slept with him 
pointyWizardry: Im a terrible person

ikilledtheking: Stop saying that.
ikilledtheking: He knows you're not in love with him, doesn't he?

pointyWizardry: Yes.

ikilledtheking: So, you're not a terrible person.

pointyWizardry: Hes in love with me

ikilledtheking: You are just repeating yourself right now.

pointyWizardry: What have i done

ikilledtheking: If you want my insight, you realise you need to actually tell me that, right?
ikilledtheking: Or am I going to coax it out of you.

pointyWizardry: We talked on the phone for an hour then like another two at my house and then we slept together
pointyWizardry: Fdhjjdfjjdhdjfhjhdf 
pointyWizardry: Help me!

ikilledtheking: Don't worry. I will.
ikilledtheking: How did he end up there?

pointyWizardry: His phone was dying and i cant leave the house because my mom took my keys.
pointyWizardry: And then found hers in her bag later. At work
pointyWizardry: As you do.

ikilledtheking: You must have reached some sort of conclusion, if you talked for so long.

pointyWizardry: If you count sleeping together, yes. 

ikilledtheking: Then what the fuck did you talk about for all that time?!

pointyWizardry: Thats not helpful

ikilledtheking: You're being difficult!

pointyWizardry: Why are you yelling at me?!

ikilledtheking: I'm sorry.
ikilledtheking: It hasn't been the best night. 

pointyWizardry: Whats wrong

ikilledtheking: Don't change the subject.
ikilledtheking: What does Gwaine say about this?
ikilledtheking: If he's hoping for you to eventually fall for him, thats a problem

pointyWizardry: No no thats not what hes doing
pointyWizardry: He says hes fine with anything i want 

ikilledtheking: What do you want, then?

pointyWizardry: I dont know

ikilledtheking: Are you actually considering being in a relationship with him?

pointyWizardry: I dont know 
pointyWizardry: Maybe. Yes?
pointyWizardry: Sdkfjhsdflh
pointyWizardry: Im not sure im ready for all that... 

ikilledtheking: You don't have to do "all that". 
ikilledtheking: "All that" is a lie.
ikilledtheking: You can do whatever you want. 
ikilledtheking: You have to figure out what you want before considering anything else.
ikilledtheking: So what do you want?

pointyWizardry: We talked about just hanging out more.
pointyWizardry: Thats what we were supposed to be doing..........

ikilledtheking: And then you had sex

pointyWizardry: And then we had sex

ikilledtheking: Why not just do that?

pointyWizardry: We tried to just hang out and it doesnt work
pointyWizardry: Keep up mordred

ikilledtheking: No. Hang out and sleep together.

pointyWizardry: That sounds all well and good till you get to the him being in love with me part.
pointyWizardry: I dont want to hurt him

ikilledtheking: Well, you would have to tell him that's what you're doing, now, wouldn't you? 
ikilledtheking: He isn't trying to get a relationship out of you. He just wants to be with you.
ikilledtheking: In whatever way you want. 

pointyWizardry: Thats taking advantage isnt it?
pointyWizardry: Its like im using him for my 'needs' or something

ikilledtheking: Would you still want this if he wanted to remove the sex from it?

pointyWizardry: What do you mean

ikilledtheking: If he didn’t want to have sex, or if there was a limit of how far he would go in all that. Like you with romance but with sex.

pointyWizardry: Yeah
pointyWizardry: I like him
pointyWizardry: I want to be with him

ikilledtheking: Just like him with you.
ikilledtheking: Seems pretty even to me.

pointyWizardry: But it’s not, is it? 
pointyWizardry: He wants to do whatever IIII want.
pointyWizardry: And its just all very klsdffdsfdjklfdskljfsdklj

ikilledtheking: Because he's open to everything and you're only open to some. Whatever you want is the overlap.
ikilledtheking: Yes, if he is just desperate for any piece of you and views this as settling for 'less' then that is a very big problem.
ikilledtheking: Is that what you're worried about?

pointyWizardry: You know for once id like to put something to words before you

ikilledtheking: Keep dreaming, Emrys.

pointyWizardry: Fffffffff
pointyWizardry: But yes. That is what im worried about

ikilledtheking: That's what you have to talk to him about.
ikilledtheking: But if not, then so what if he feels more deeply for you than you for him. 
ikilledtheking: You still don't want romance in a relationship anyway, do you?

pointyWizardry: I might. A little bit?
pointyWizardry: WAY in the future. Way beyond any realistic scope of this relationship.
pointyWizardry: Hes leaving next fall 
pointyWizardry: So no i dont want romance involved with sex. It just doesnt mesh

ikilledtheking: Does he know that?

pointyWizardry: Yea

ikilledtheking: And he's ok with it?

pointyWizardry: Yeah?

ikilledtheking: Then?
ikilledtheking: Why are you making this so difficult for yourself?

pointyWizardry: Becasue hes in love with me!
pointyWizardry: I dont think in love is carrying what i mean across.
pointyWizardry: The point is I hold all the cards.
pointyWizardry: Its too much!

ikilledtheking: This is what you want but without him being in love with you?

pointyWizardry: Yes.

ikilledtheking: Except that if he wasn't in love with you, you wouldn't be considering any sort of relationship with him at all.
ikilledtheking: You called him after Morgana and I told you.
ikilledtheking: If he hadn't already proved he only wanted you for you and nothing else, would you have slept with him at all?

pointyWizardry: ...

ikilledtheking: If you're going to try to be close to someone this way again I think you need to have them all.

pointyWizardry: My head hurts.
pointyWizardry: I have to talk to him again

ikilledtheking: Obviously. 

pointyWizardry: Thank you.

ikilledtheking: However would you cope without me?

pointyWizardry: Hyperventilate?

ikilledtheking: Just go talk to him.

pointyWizardry: Okay
pointyWizardry: But when I get back we're talking about you 
pointyWizardry: And dont even think about dodging it like before.

Chapter Text

Ouija Board Bitches:

ikilledtheking: I need a distraction.
ikilledtheking: Anything dumb happening around you guys?

Queenevere: I want to kill my brother

ikilledtheking: Ok, that works.
ikilledtheking: Why?

Queenevere: He is addicted to sims 4
Queenevere: He doesnt have the sims 4
Queenevere: I have the sims 4.
Queenevere: And he is hogging my computer.

scream my name: Oooff

ikilledtheking: That's rough.

Queenevere: Thats not all
Queenevere: If im playing it he just pulls up a chair
Queenevere: And gets all judgy about my storylines 
Queenevere: Like excuse me i only bought the game and the packs and built the houses and made the sims
Queenevere: You know that weird commentary thing he does when hes trying to start a conversation but starts by insulting the thing youre doing? 

ikilledtheking: Yes! He does that all the time!
ikilledtheking: It's very annoying.

Queenevere: And I know he only does that because he is an awkward potato.
Queenevere: But can you not insult my children for fuck sake?!

scream my name: I do think that is a capital offence and should be punished accordingly
scream my name: I, Morgana le Fey, Chieftess of the Fae Folk of Camelot and a daughter of Morrigen,
scream my name: Adjudge Elyan Smith the Awkward Potato guilty of speaking treason against my sister Guinevere Smith, the Cinnamon Queen and her subjects.
scream my name: In accordance of the laws of the Ouija Board Council and the Code of Sibling,
scream my name: He shall be put to death in a manner Her Majesty sees fit.

Queenevere: He shall be offered to the White Goddess at Cauldron of Arianrhod.

scream my name: Most fitting.

ikilledtheking: Can I be a little mad at Merlin for not introducing me to you two until I moved?

scream my name: You should be very mad.

ikilledtheking: 😄
ikilledtheking: Where's Arianrhod?

scream my name: You know that weird pond in the woods between our school and Ealdor Academy?

ikilledtheking: I love that place!

Queenevere: Creepy serenity is you aesthetic

ikilledtheking: Also why is everyone here obsessed with murder jokes?
ikilledtheking: Is this a Camelot thing?

Queenevere: Hahaha no
Queenevere: Its a people around morgana and arthur thing

scream my name: What are you talking about?

Queenevere: You and arthur always make jokes about killing each other
Queenevere: After years of knowing you two now I do it all the time.
Queenevere: Morris pointed out to me last year

ikilledtheking: Yeah. Merlin does that too. 
ikilledtheking: So do the team... But I guess it's only the Knights now that I think about it.

scream my name: We have infected you all oh my god

ikilledtheking: Ok, then why are you two obsessed with murder jokes?

scream my name: We just are

ikilledtheking: There is a story there...

scream my name: A long one
scream my name: Not the best if youre looking for dumb distractions

Queenevere: Yeah why btw?

ikilledtheking: Oh, it's nothing. 
ikilledtheking: My ex called me.
ikilledtheking: It was unpleasant.

pointyWizardry: Kara called you?
pointyWizardry: Why?

scream my name: Wait what?

pointyWizardry: What did that three day old salad want this time?

ikilledtheking: Evidently she found out I'm ace.
ikilledtheking: And had Things to say about it.
ikilledtheking: I should not have answered.

scream my name: ????

pointyWizardry: Are you ok?

ikilledtheking: No.
ikilledtheking: Not in the slightest.
ikilledtheking: Why am I even talking about this?
ikilledtheking: I need distractions!

pointyWizardry: For fuck sake... 
pointyWizardry: Why did you let me go on and on about my stupid problems?!

ikilledtheking: Because they weren't stupid and I care about you.

scream my name: What problems?

pointyWizardry: They could have waited.

ikilledtheking: I didn't want to talk about it.
ikilledtheking: I don't want to now!

pointyWizardry: But you just started talking about it

ikilledtheking: Yes.
ikilledtheking: As it turns out, it was a bad idea.
ikilledtheking: Please, just distract me for now?

pointyWizardry: For now?

ikilledtheking: Yes. 

pointyWizardry: Ok ive got something
pointyWizardry: My mom knows about it now

ikilledtheking: What? How?

scream my name: WILL YOU TWO EXPLAIN YOURSELVES?!?!?!?!

pointyWizardry: Kara is an awful person and and gwaine and i are a thing now

Queenevere: Come again?

scream my name: OMG what kinda thing???

pointyWizardry: Yeah... We're like... a Thing.
pointyWizardry: But not dating. Like dating but we replace romance with platonic. 
pointyWizardry: Its weird dont question it.

ikilledtheking: It's not weird.

pointyWizardry: Okay mordred fine whatever

ikilledtheking: Not whatever. Stop being mean to yourself.

pointyWizardry: But you can ignore your own well being?

ikilledtheking: I'm delaying.

pointyWizardry: That's not better.

ikilledtheking: Merlin!

pointyWizardry: Fine.
pointyWizardry: Ok, so i sorta slept with gwaine?
pointyWizardry: Except we actually did fall asleep...
pointyWizardry: When we woke up my mom was already home and cooking something in the kitchen
pointyWizardry: It was fine. The door was closed even though I didn't remember actually closing it.

Queenevere: Oh no...

pointyWizardry: Oh yes.
pointyWizardry: So i had this plan to sneak him out. Since she totally had no idea that i had a guy in my room. 
pointyWizardry: And it was a magnificent plan i dont care what gwaine says about it
pointyWizardry: So I go out to the kitchen to execute my Magnificent Plan. 
pointyWizardry: Im all hi mother how was your day? It sucks you had to work this weekend. Blah blah blah
pointyWizardry: And mom, cool as a cucumber, plays along asks how my day went 
pointyWizardry: And then, with probably the best poker face i have ever seen goes
pointyWizardry: I made some extra for your friend. Is he staying for dinner? 
pointyWizardry: And I die for the second time today.

scream my name: That is beautiful

ikilledtheking: I love your mom.

pointyWizardry: I don't.
pointyWizardry: Thats a lie.
pointyWizardry: Shes the best.
pointyWizardry: And then she says: I closed the door so I wouldn't wake you two.
pointyWizardry: Which is a blatant lie. She was using the blender

ikilledtheking: Again, I love your mom so much.

pointyWizardry: And like we were both naked when she closed the door.
pointyWizardry: Thank FUCK under the covers!

Queenevere: That is horrifying.

pointyWizardry: So gwaine stayed for dinner and the three of us played some cards 
pointyWizardry: She likes him.
pointyWizardry: When he left she told me next time i decide to sneak someone in to make sure they leave before she came home.
pointyWizardry: Or she would do something much more mortifying 
pointyWizardry: And i, because i am a very very stupid boy, asked what could be worse than this?

scream my name: Oh merlin
scream my name: What did she say

pointyWizardry: I will ask you two how it was.

Queenevere: Hunith Emrys is secretly a terrifying woman.

ikilledtheking: We should start a new religion worshipping her.

scream my name: I am 100% behind this idea

pointyWizardry: Meanwhile im dead thrice over... 
pointyWizardry: Also this makes me suspect she knows a lot more about the whole edwin thing than she lets on.
pointyWizardry: Which is not something i ever want to think about ever again

ikilledtheking: ... Yeah, no, that is a very unpleasant train of thought all around.

Knights of the Oblong Table:

Leon: Gwaine are you coming over or not?!

gin-n-tonic: shit
gin-n-tonic: no i was at a friends sorry

tankthetop: what friends

gin-n-tonic: a human friend

L-nyan: tell us more about this "friend"

gin-n-tonic: no

tankthetop: why not?

gin-n-tonic: because fuck you, thats why

tankthetop: is it because you dont kiss and tell?

Leon: You ditched me for a hook up i cant believe this

PanDragon: You ditched us for the bog witch before
PanDragon: Also you invited her wtf

Leon: Shes my girlfriend arthur

gin-n-tonic: i didnt ditch you for a hook up
gin-n-tonic: im not percival

tankthetop: ok do you have a problem?

Leon: You have a boyfriend

gin-n-tonic: no
gin-n-tonic: something came up with a friend
gin-n-tonic: why is this so hard to believe

tankthetop: because its a lie

PanDragon: And just like that we are talking about gwaines sex life again.
PanDragon: Can somebody please change the subject?

Sir Lance: Did mordred seem okay to you today?

L-nyan: he seemed a bit off yeah...

Leon: He and morgana were laughing their asses off when they arrived at first
Leon: Something about the fourth dimension
Leon: Apparently they were making fun of merlin

PanDragon: How did those two get so close so fast anyway?

gin-n-tonic: mordred knew merlin from before

PanDragon: Why does merlin have so many friends?

gin-n-tonic: everyone likes merlin
gin-n-tonic: you and percival are the only two with a problem with him

tankthetop: i dont have a problem with merlin

PanDragon: Hes weird and he eats my ice cream
PanDragon: He ate all my drak chocolate ice cream the other day!

gin-n-tonic: hate to tell you but i ate that.

PanDragon: It was 600g what the actual fuck?!?

gin-n-tonic: yea
gin-n-tonic: it was good too

PanDragon: Of course it was!
PanDragon: Thats why i bought it!!!!

Sir Lance: I think we found out why merlin likes to eat your ice cream 

gin-n-tonic: there is nothing like pissing off arthur is there?

Leon: Hahaha

PanDragon: Oh go die in a hole

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@ikilledtheking): Direct Message (@ikilledtheking):  Direct Message (@ikilledtheking): 
pointyWizardry: Ok what the hell did she want? scream my name: Whos this girl now? Queenevere: Do you feel like talking now?
ikilledtheking: Go to OBB ikilledtheking: Go to OBB. ikilledtheking: Go to OBB.

Ouija Board Bitches:

ikilledtheking: At the same time? Really?  

pointyWizardry: Yes. 

ikilledtheking: 🙄

scream my name: Who is she?

Queenevere: Dont pressure him

ikilledtheking: Kara is a very self-centred person I dated from summer before 9th grade to mid-late 10th
ikilledtheking: Back when I had no idea. 
ikilledtheking: There were issues.
ikilledtheking: So many issues. Just ugh... 

scream my name: She called you?

ikilledtheking: Yes.
ikilledtheking: And I answered. 
ikilledtheking: Because I'm stupid.

pointyWizardry: You should take your own advice sometimes

ikilledtheking: Answering this call was objectively stupid.
ikilledtheking: And then to continue being on the call...
ikilledtheking: What is wrong with me?!

pointyWizardry: Do you want me to come over?

Queenevere: Its 1 am

pointyWizardry: Shit
pointyWizardry: Its ok my mom likes you

ikilledtheking: Don't tell your mom!
ikilledtheking: It's fine. 
ikilledtheking: This is fine.

pointyWizardry: Are you sure?

ikilledtheking: Yes.

scream my name: So this Kara girl just called you?

ikilledtheking: I don't even understand how she could have found out.
ikilledtheking: I'm not out to anyone in Balor.

pointyWizardry: Maybe cerdan said something?

ikilledtheking: Why?
ikilledtheking: To who?
ikilledtheking: How would that even make it to Kara?

Queenevere: Is her full name Karalina Dowling?
Queenevere: Strawberry blonde blue eyes
Queenevere: Kinda looks like dove cameron

ikilledtheking: Yeah. How did you know?

Queenevere: Shes sefas friend

ikilledtheking: Sefa?
ikilledtheking: Sefa Aras? 

pointyWizardry: Yeah she a 9th grader
pointyWizardry: She moved here a year ago from turkey i think
pointyWizardry: Who is she

ikilledtheking: Her cousin from Izmir.

pointyWizardry: Fun.

scream my name: So what if youre ace
scream my name: Why is she calling you and giving you shit for that

pointyWizardry: Because she is garbage.

ikilledtheking: She called me sick.

Queenevere: ...

scream my name: ...

ikilledtheking: Why are people so obsessed with what we are supposed to be?
ikilledtheking: Why is this a thing? 
ikilledtheking: It's not oh wow it was so obvious how did we not see?
ikilledtheking: It's oh so I was right, there really was something wrong with you.

scream my name: That is a horrible thing to say to someone

ikilledtheking: And it's not even that.
ikilledtheking: She's using this to make me the bad guy again.
ikilledtheking: To say it was all my fault because I didn't tell her that I was ace.
ikilledtheking: To say that I never really loved her or cared about her.
ikilledtheking: She used to put so much pressure on me with that...
ikilledtheking: If I didn't want to do something it was because I didn't actually love her.
ikilledtheking: And it wasn't that and I couldn't explain it to her and it'd feel like I was the one who kept hurting her and messing up!

pointyWizardry: Im coming over.

ikilledtheking: Yes, please...

Queenevere: How are those two related?
Queenevere: If someones not into it theyre not end of discussion

ikilledtheking: She had her own issues.

pointyWizardry: Fuck her issues.

scream my name: There is no excuse for pressuring someone into things they dont want
scream my name: And she is calling you up for this?
scream my name: Thats beyond 'issues'

Queenevere: Thats just nasty.

pointyWizardry: Apt way to describe her honestly

ikilledtheking: Merlin physically hates her.

pointyWizardry: Of course i hate her
pointyWizardry: I hate her with every fibre of my existence

scream my name: Cant say im far off... 

ikilledtheking: I was 15 and stupid and I was just... 
It wasn't my fault...

scream my name: Of course not

ikilledtheking: Why is a part of me still defending her?
ikilledtheking: Just why?
ikilledtheking: I should be angry!
ikilledtheking: I moved to a different city. I haven't thought about her in months!
ikilledtheking: And she's calling me and bringing it all back?
ikilledtheking: Why am I even answering? I should have just hung up in her face.

Queenevere: But you forgot you could and just took it?

ikilledtheking: Yes. Because I'm stupid.

Queenevere: Youre not stupid

ikilledtheking: I didn't even say anything.
ikilledtheking: Words just stopped existing.
ikilledtheking: Merlin, how long does it take you to walk the two fucking meters between our places?

pointyWizardry: I am literally outside your room
pointyWizardry: Take off your headphones and unlock the door?

scream my name: Is he hugging you?
scream my name: You better be.

pointyWizardry: Of course i am.
pointyWizardry: Whats wrong with you?
pointyWizardry: He says he wants an octo tomorrow
pointyWizardry: Whats that?

scream my name: Octoh
scream my name: An octopus hug.
scream my name: Obviously.

pointyWizardry: You guys have a name for it now?

scream my name: Yeah
scream my name: Jealous?

pointyWizardry: Little bit?

ikilledtheking: I'd just like to go on record to say I'm going to punish him for that comment by making him cuddle me to sleep.
ikilledtheking: Merlin wants it on the record that that's why he's even here.
ikilledtheking: Listen, guys, we're gonna watch Knights of the Round Table. We'll meet at Morgana's tomorrow?

Queenevere: Ok.
Queenevere: Are you feeling better?

ikilledtheking: Much.
ikilledtheking: Thanks for listening. 
ikilledtheking: Good night.

scream my name: See you tomorrow

ikilledtheking: 💙

Chapter Text

Knights of the Oblong Table:

PanDragon: I dont think im ever going to get used to freya muriden showing up at my house

L-nyan: dnd?

PanDragon: I think so
PanDragon: I just let her in
PanDragon: This is very weird.

Leon: Morganas not even there

PanDragon: What?

Leon: Well be heading there soon tho

PanDragon: Fucking hell...
PanDragon: She couldn't let me know when shes leaving?

Sir Lance: How inattentive are your parents?

Leon: They know shes here.
Leon: My mom invited her over for breakfast when they bumped into each other at the grocery store

tankthetop: you two are so domestic its disgusting

PanDragon: You have no idea 
PanDragon: They are basically married
PanDragon: His nephew calls her aunt morgana

Sir Lance: I stan.

L-nyan: i think we all stan

tankthetop: first barf
tankthetop: and second i call best man

Sir Lance: Shouldnt it be arthur?

Leon: Nobodys getting married

PanDragon: Aunt.
PanDragon: Morgana.

Leon: Says a three year old

tankthetop: honestly if you two eloped on her birthday it wouldnt surprise me

Leon: What would be the point of doing that?

gin-n-tonic: wait
gin-n-tonic: THAT is your point against eloping?

tankthetop: i will buy you a new laptop if you can honestly say you arent snuggled up on the couch right now

Leon: Fuck off.
Leon: How are those two even the same thing?

Sir Lance: Is he right tho?

Leon: ...Yes

L-nyan: oh my god.

PanDragon: Its not hard to guess that

tankthetop: yea thats how they study in the seniors lounge

gin-n-tonic: can confirm

Leon: And you make barf noises
Leon: Ever singe time.

tankthetop: because its disgusting

Leon: Morgana says shes going to pinch your cheeks

tankthetop: yeah well tell her to get fucked

Sir Lance: Just to be safe
Sir Lance: She isnt looking at this right?

Leon: I just told her percy was calling us disgusting again

gin-n-tonic: he does that a lot
gin-n-tonic: even in the middle of class

L-nyan: seriously?

Leon: Yeah
Leon: Doest bother me tho

tankthetop: nothing bothers you
tankthetop: really have you ever had a fight?

PanDragon: Nope

Leon: There was that big fight in 10th grade
Leon: Aside from that not really

PanDragon: That doest count

Sir Lance: What fight? 

gin-n-tonic: what was it about?

Leon: Merlin

Sir Lance: Merlin?!

Leon: I was slightly jealous

tankthetop: ...slightly

Leon: Very jealous

PanDragon: And grumpy

Leon: In my defence we were together all summer and then suddenly she was fawning over some freshman and ignoring me

Sir Lance: Its understandable
Sir Lance: Hes her best friend
Sir Lance: He chewed my ear off at camp that summer

Leon: Sure it made sense afterwards once we talked and everything.
Leon: But it went from spending all free time together to just common classes the day school started
Leon: And I didnt know him back then

gin-n-tonic: you asked her to stop spending time with merlin?

L-nyan: thats bold

Leon: I just wanted her to stop ignoring me

PanDragon: If you had actually said that there wouldnt have been a fight
PanDragon: You just came off as weirdly possessive
PanDragon: And she got weirdly defensive

Leon: It was 10th grade give us a break

PanDragon: Yet i could still tell you two were being really stupid despite being even younger

Sir Lance: Why wouldnt this count as a fight tho?

PanDragon: Because they made up in five sentences.
PanDragon: And two of them were 'oh'
PanDragon: The fact that it took them over a day to stop huffing is besides the point

tankthetop: so you arent even a little jealous of him still?
tankthetop: i find that hard to believe

Leon: Not jealous 
Leon: Envious maybe
Leon: Of how close they are

PanDragon: Nobody can compete with merlin on that
PanDragon: Except maybe gwen

gin-n-tonic: and you

L-nyan: and after this just no fights 

Leon: We get along
Leon: Idk what else to tell you

L-nyan: your relationship is just pure fluff isnt it

Leon: Sounds accurate

Direct Message (@PanDragon):

scream my name: Why are you sulking in your room?
scream my name: Come and play cards against humanity with us

PanDragon: Not sulking

scream my name: What are you doing then

PanDragon: Homework

scream my name: What homework

PanDragon: Chemistry

scream my name: Bullshit
scream my name: Youve been sulking all day 

PanDragon: Because i have a lot of homework im too stupid for

scream my name: You really expect gaius to explain anything properly?

PanDragon: Nobody else seems to be having a problem

scream my name: Who cares?
scream my name: He sucks.
scream my name: Come downstairs
scream my name: Ill help you with your homework later

PanDragon: Im not a child i can do it by myself

scream my name: Ok one thats not how needing help works
scream my name: And two if youre so grown up what did you have for breakfast this morning?

PanDragon: >:(

scream my name: Im kidding
scream my name: Youre not a child
scream my name: But i do have all my worksheets from last year

PanDragon: Thats cheating

scream my name: Homework is for completion it doesnt matter
scream my name: Write the answers wrong if youd like

PanDragon: Still cheating

scream my name: None of those questions are going to help you understand and if you did understand they would only be tedious
scream my name: That homework is meaningless
scream my name: And knowing gauis way too much to finish in one day

PanDragon: I started yesterday

scream my name: No you didnt

PanDragon: >:(

scream my name: Just come downstairs
scream my name: Mordred brought a custom round table deck
scream my name: Which he has.
scream my name: Somehow.

PanDragon: Isnt 7 people is a bit too many

scream my name: I dont think so...
scream my name: But we can be a team! 
scream my name: 6 is fine
scream my name: Also leon might need some back up agaist us weirdos

PanDragon: You are a terrible influence

scream my name: Please?????

PanDragon: Fine

scream my name: <3 <3 <3

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@gin-n-tonic):

pointyWizardry: Do you know knights of the round table?

gin-n-tonic: the bbc show?
gin-n-tonic: not as much as arthur or elyan but yes
gin-n-tonic: why

pointyWizardry: Ok so...
pointyWizardry: I am 99.9% sure that mordred and morgana are reincarnations of katie and alexander

gin-n-tonic: ... holly shit
gin-n-tonic: they even look like them!

pointyWizardry: They act so much like katie and alexander that its creepy

gin-n-tonic: you say that like you three werent basically series 1 katie colin and angel before

pointyWizardry: Oh i am an immortal warlock thats for sure except i would never poison my friend because a dragon said so.
pointyWizardry: But that just means they are going to destroy everything i care about
pointyWizardry: You should watch your back around those two

gin-n-tonic: i just stubbed my toe and its entirely your fault
gin-n-tonic: im pretty sure mordred wont run me through
gin-n-tonic: i could see morgana torturing me to death

pointyWizardry: Are you telling me you ship eoin and colin?

gin-n-tonic: yes.

pointyWizardry: I approve.
pointyWizardry: And like they both call gwen your majesty now
pointyWizardry: Its like a thing about elyan and the sims?

gin-n-tonic: hahahhahah

pointyWizardry: Morgana just said mordred her proudest warrior 
pointyWizardry: Im going to cry

gin-n-tonic: what could possibly be the context for that comment?

pointyWizardry: Leon and arthur dared him to drink this evil concoction
pointyWizardry: It has like hot sauce and sprite and cheeto dust and i think whipped cram and some other things

gin-n-tonic: ... excuse me?

pointyWizardry: I dont have an explanation

gin-n-tonic: please tell me they have been drinking
gin-n-tonic: otherwise i dont think i can go on living

pointyWizardry: Oh definitely

gin-n-tonic: also off topic i just realised your name is a round table reference

pointyWizardry: Ahaha
pointyWizardry: I mean it is a pretty stupid reference

gin-n-tonic: worse than knights of the OBLONG table?

pointyWizardry: At least that one makes sense
pointyWizardry: But how did you get Percival ihateallthingsfandom Kelchglas to agree to that?

gin-n-tonic: he doesnt know

pointyWizardry: What?!
pointyWizardry: How is that even possible?!

gin-n-tonic: yeah i dont know
gin-n-tonic: weve been waitng for a year and a half for him to figure it out 
gin-n-tonic: we're all low key scared of whats gonna happen...

pointyWizardry: Thats some alexander level betrayal right there

gin-n-tonic: i mean... james sorta had it coming

pointyWizardry: Because percy doesnt?

gin-n-tonic: cant argue there haha
gin-n-tonic: what are you drunk idiots doing now?

pointyWizardry: Im not drunk
pointyWizardry: But morganas climbing on leons back
pointyWizardry: Leon is trying not to topple over 
pointyWizardry: He is just so wasted wow...
pointyWizardry: Arthur and mordred are in the process of dying from laughter
pointyWizardry: Gwen and freya are watching bernatte banner which is weird on so many levels. 

gin-n-tonic: you all need some adult supervision :P

pointyWizardry: We have leon
pointyWizardry: Hes 18. It counts

gin-n-tonic: no it doesnt 

pointyWizardry: Dont be a buzz kill
pointyWizardry: As if youre so responsible
pointyWizardry: What are you doing right now

gin-n-tonic: actually im looking at unis with my dad 

pointyWizardry: Ok i take that back

gin-n-tonic: ye no dont hes forcing me

pointyWizardry: Shoudve known

gin-n-tonic: he reaaaaly wants me to go to the uk
gin-n-tonic: which is dumb and way too much work

pointyWizardry: He probably wants you closer

gin-n-tonic: its cheaper to go back to canada

pointyWizardry: Why dont you stay here then?
pointyWizardry: Isnt that even cheaper?

gin-n-tonic: not as a rule
gin-n-tonic: plus theres the language barrier here
gin-n-tonic: thats why he wants me to go to the uk

pointyWizardry: You speak fine. 
pointyWizardry: You just have an accent

gin-n-tonic: day to day conversation yeah but you dont see me in class
gin-n-tonic: academic language is something different entirely 
gin-n-tonic: sometimes in class i just short circuit while trying to translate
gin-n-tonic: and i have read really slow to understand any of it

pointyWizardry: I guess...
pointyWizardry: But lance doesnt get like that

gin-n-tonic: hes lived here almost half his life
gin-n-tonic: ...actually so have i now that i count 
gin-n-tonic: but like 3+6+6+2 is not 8+8

pointyWizardry: Its obviously not too bad
pointyWizardry: Why do you wanna go so far away

gin-n-tonic: im only applying to schools in ontario
gin-n-tonic: so its not THAT far

pointyWizardry: Literally nine hours by plane

gin-n-tonic: thats nothing. we go between van and camelot every other year
connecting flight takes around 15-18 hrs
gin-n-tonic: 9hrs to torronto 5hrs to vancouver plus layover

pointyWizardry: Five hours for a domestic flight? 
pointyWizardry: No way
pointyWizardry: That cant be true!
pointyWizardry: Ok it is true what the actual fuck?!
pointyWizardry: Canada is too big!

gin-n-tonic: hahahahaha

pointyWizardry: That is too FUCKING big!
pointyWizardry: Five hours?! 
pointyWizardry: You can DRIVE to balor and BACK in that time! 

gin-n-tonic: stop making me laugh my dads gonna get mad at me

pointyWizardry: STOP BREAKING MY BRAIN!!!

gin-n-tonic: im not breaking anything
gin-n-tonic: its europes fault for being so tiny
gin-n-tonic: seriously everything is like shrunk to 0.8 size over here!

pointyWizardry: We are the correct size
pointyWizardry: Excuse you.

gin-n-tonic: :P

pointyWizardry: And now morganas raging about north american bathroom stalls
pointyWizardry: Send help
pointyWizardry: And freyas agreeing???
pointyWizardry: What do they even mean? What gap?

gin-n-tonic: oh that?
 theres like a gap between the door and where its hinged
gin-n-tonic: and the doors are higher off the ground and about as tall as percival

pointyWizardry: A gap around the door?

gin-n-tonic: yes

pointyWizardry: Like you can see the other side?

gin-n-tonic: yes. 
gin-n-tonic: google american bathroom stall gap youll see

pointyWizardry: Ok...
pointyWizardry: WHY?!

gin-n-tonic: just the way it is idk
gin-n-tonic: why do people keep asking me
gin-n-tonic: its not like i made the stalls that way

pointyWizardry: Good point
pointyWizardry: Now gwen is throughly horrified oh my god

gin-n-tonic: sorry im missing all the fun

pointyWizardry: Id invite you but gwen banned boyfriend tagalongs

gin-n-tonic: but im not your boyfriend ;)

pointyWizardry: Yes but then she pointed her finger at me and said "and no gwaine either i will cut you with that knife"
pointyWizardry: There was a knife

gin-n-tonic: but why me?
gin-n-tonic: all id do is make an inappropriate joke

pointyWizardry: You would invite gwen to bed with us.

gin-n-tonic: yea
gin-n-tonic: as a joke

pointyWizardry: Why are we friends again?

gin-n-tonic: because im hilarious

pointyWizardry: :P

gin-n-tonic: hey i kinda have to go
gin-n-tonic: my dads saying im not paying enough attention

pointyWizardry: Will you pay enough attention if youre not texting?

gin-n-tonic: no but he doesnt know that
gin-n-tonic: talk later?

pointyWizardry: Yeah sure
pointyWizardry: Bye

gin-n-tonic: bye