Keith had the highest marks in all his classes. This pissed Lance off, not because Keith was smart, but was smart with no effort. Lance studied twice as hard, but only got half the marks. Lance tried so hard to finesse Keith, but with no result. That wasn’t the worst part, though. Lance was obviously obsessed with Keith, but Keith had no idea who he was.
Lance knew there had to be something, anything, that could do better than Keith. It seemed impossible for a man to be so perfect. So gorgeous. So damn sexy. With that awesome mullet and his impossibly smooth voice...where was Lance? Oh yeah, Keith sucked.
Lance saw Keith walking in the halls of Garrison. Garrison was the most prestigious academy for future soldiers. It was nothing short of a miracle when Lance was accepted despite his dismal grades. ‘Keith must have been accepted immediately,’ Lance thought to himself. As lance watched Keith, he didn’t realize that Keith was walking up to a girl. Not just any girl, it was Megan Hoben, the most desirable girl in school.
Somehow, it a matter of seconds, Keith had managed to walk directly into poor Megan and caused both of their binders to fly everywhere. One minute the hall was calm and quiet, the next…BOOM paper Hiroshima unleased into the halls. Lance had never seen Keith so red, he looked like a beautiful fusion between a ruby and a tomato. And Megan…poor Megan. She had built (the now destroyed) perfect replica of the White House for her History project.
“Oh my god…” Keith mumbled. “I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do?” Keith had a genuinely sorry look on his face.
“Are you kidding me!? Is there anything I can do?” She barked mockingly. “I spent three days on this thing! There’s nothing I can do now…” Megan started to cry.
Keith tried to console Megan, but he was so flustered no comprehensible words were exiting his mouth. It was impossible to look away, it was like watching car crash. And judging by the amount of paper debris, it could’ve been mistaken for one.
In the end it all got cleaned up. Keith picked up his papers. Megan picked up the remains of her project. To the average person, it would seem like a regular case of bad-coordination-itis. To Lance however, it was the birth of a realization. Lance realized that Keith was the most awkward man in the universe. This realization was the start to something beautiful.
Lance is ready to bully Keith about what he did, but a random twists changes both of their fates.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Lance had dreamed of this day (not really, but exaggeration proves points). He could finally show that he WAS better than Keith at something. He decided the best thing to do was corner Keith after school and confront him. Confront him about what exactly? Lance wasn’t sure either, but he was too caught up in his feeling to really think about it.
Lance walked to the side door where he knew Keith would be exiting from in approximately 5 minutes. In the meantime, he sat on the steps in front of the exit figuring out his best cool kid pose. He got so distracted by his planning that he didn’t hear the footsteps coming up from behind him.
“Lance, what are you doing?” Keith asked. Wait shit, Keith!? Now!?
“Ohhh hey, umm nothing much” Lance instinctively replied. He quickly remembered he was here for a reason.
“I know the truth about, you know?”
Keith had a puzzled look on his face “What truth?”
“That you’re...” Lance realized he had to figure a kind way to tell Keith he was a little bitch. “That you’re socially awkward!”
“Yeah I thought that was obvious...” Keith had a distant look in his eyes. Lance could hear his voice quavering a bit.
Lance was immediately struck with a pang of pity. There’s no way he could gloat now.
“Umm I could...I could help you out with that!”
“With what? Being socially awkward?”
Lance sighed.” No, dumbass, I could help you be better at talking with people! I do it all the time!”
“Yeah, I know. Mr. Iverson yells at you all the time for it.”
Lance felt inexplicably happy; he had no idea Keith even acknowledged his existence.
“...But would you really do that for me?”
“Yeah, of course!” Lance chuckled the chuckle of a man who was making a promise he felt he would regret.
“Oh. Thanks. But I can’t just ask you do that for me for free.”
“Yeah, no I think you can.” Keith shook his head, the paused for a bit. I could feel him thinking. “Dude, how about I tutor you and we can call it even?”
Lance was shocked, Keith wanted to spend time with him!? Whack. All Lance could do was stupidly nod at Keith.
Keith nodded back at him, waved goodbye and walked away.
Lance felt different now that he was gone. He realized that he had acted like a total doorknob around him. All his self-awareness came rushing at him like a giant wave of shame. If he was going to help Keith, he would to learn how to not be an weirdo around him first.
Sorry this sucked so bad, it's exam season! will try posting again when i can.
Screw you if you want a summary. This bitch is already short enough, read it!
Lance walked all the way back to the boy's dorm and flopped onto the nearest couch. He just lied there, staring up at the flecks of chipping paint on the ceiling.
“Wow,” Lance thought aloud. “For a school so modern, you think the paint job would be better.”
“Fair enough.” A higher pitched voice said from behind him.
“Pidge?” Lance sat up from the couch to give Pidge some sitting room. “Hey! Is Hunk coming?”
“I sure am, man!”
“Aw man, hey guys, what’s going on?”
Pidge and Hunk were Lance’s best friends in the whole wide world. No matter what, they were always there for him, and vice versa. Pidge was a nerdy smart-aleck while Hunk was gentle giant.
“Eh nothing much, me and Hunk are just about ready to prank the shit out Mr. Garrison.”
Did I mention they were both pranksters?
Well, it’s more Pidge than Hunk, but pranking is pranking.
“I would go over the details but...you’ll find out during class. Oh man this is going to be awesome!”
“Haha, yeah.” Hunk scratched the back of head nervously. “So long as we don’t get caught...”
“Umm anyways, what’s up with you Lance?”
Oof. Lance did not want to tell about his, umm, tutoring sessions with Keith. He barely knew what he was doing and couldn’t be bothered to explain it to them. God why was everything with Keith so weird. Can’t Keith just be a horrible human being? It would be so much easier to ignore him that way...
Pidge waved his fingers in Lance’s face “Hellooo, Earth to Lance?”
Lance quickly refocused on the conversation at hand.
“Umm...nothing really happened today.”
“Really?” Hunk questioned. “You look like you saw an angler fish.”
“Well I mean...Wait angler fish? Don't most people go with ghost?”
“Are you kidding?! Angler fish are way scarier than ghosts! Those godless creatures are real...Anyways, what’s wrong?”
Hunk flashed his big ol’ puppy eyes, and after nudging Pidge, he flashed 'em as well.
“Fine, fine, fine. I guess I HAVE to tell guys then...” Lance let out a deep sigh. “Keith is tutoring me now, which is new. And in return I’ll teaching him how to socialize...? Not exactly sure what this means, but I can figure it out.”
“WHAT!?” Pidge and Hunk both exclaimed.
“That’s err, interesting...? I guess. I’m not sure what to say man...”
Hunk looked very confused. “I had no idea you even talked to him...?”
“That’s because we don’t! We don’t talk! I didn’t even know HE knew I existed until today!”
“Damn, Lance chill the fuck out,” Pidge lightly slapped Lance’s back in an effort to console him. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s not like it’ll kill you.”
“Yeah, Pidge’s right! Keith isn’t a psychopath or anything, And besides.” Hunk had a smug look on his face.” aren’t you’re the coooooolest sharpshooooooter?”
Lance rolled his eyes at Hunk’s sarcasm. “Screw you, I AM the coolest sharpshooter!”
Pidge and Hunk started laughing. And since laughing is contagious, Lance started to laugh as well. They laughed their way into a comfortable silence until Pidge got the urge to probe him again.
“So like, when are you going to start these ‘tutoring’ sessions?”
Uh oh. Lance was so taken aback by Keith's offer that he forgot to hash out any of the details.
“Whenever Keith get back to me? I didn’t ask for a time, or a place, or...”
Oh wow. Lance really had no idea what he got himself into... What subject was Keith going to tutor him in, ALL of them?
“Eh, whatever, you’ll see each other in math class, won’t you?”
Oh yeah, that’s probably what Keith was thinking, after all, it’s the only class they have together.
“Yeah your probably right! And we have a quiz coming up! I’ll have the perfect excuse to talk to Keith.”
“Umm, you know what I mean.” Lance awkwardly shrugged.
Hunk had rejoined the conversation to add that dinner was going to start soon and ‘we should get there fast!’ because ‘It’s SLOPPY JOE Jthursday!’
Pidge shook his head “I still have no idea why they called 'Jthursday'...”
Hunk pushed himself off the couch to ready him for Doing the Dashtm . He took the lunch specials very seriously. Maybe a little too seriously in Lance’s opinion.
“Dude it’s just sloppy joes. They’re not going to run out or anything...”
“Yeah but they’ll be cold. COLD Lance. Who wants a cold Joe? Not me...No way Joe-se.”
Pidge tolerated a lot from Lance and Hunk, but shitty puns were not one of them.
“Dude just get in line. We’ll meet up with you at the table of YOUR choice.”
This appealed to Hunk because he liked a very specific table near southeast side of the cafeteria. Very few teachers came by, making it much easier to plan with Pidge. “Kay, see you soon,” He said before he galloped into the distance, never to be seen again.
Pidge sighed. “What a goof, you both are, really.”
“Am not,” Lance whined. “Yeah, you are. You’re usually so confident and prepared. Totally calm. But suddenly when Keith is involved with anything, you go insane. I don’t get it. Just be yourself, please? The other you sucks waaay more.”
“Alright, fine. I'll try my best. Now let’s get in line for dinner before the Sloppy Joe’s get Sloppy COLD.”
“I have no good friends...”
"Blah blah, science. Blah, blah, chemistry. Blah, Blah, I'm a boring man teaching a boring subject. Blah, blah, blah." said Mr. Garrison, the world's worst chemistry teacher. Well, maybe that wasn't what he actually said just now, but Lance didn't care. Mr. Garrison had the charisma and the teaching ability of a rock. Like, a super ugly, boring rock. It was understatement to say Lance didn't like chem because of Mr. Garrison. The only joy of this class was the fact that Pidge and Hunk were in it with him.
Pidge reached over to tap Lance's shoulder from his desk. "Hey Lance, try not to fall asleep because it's about to happen.''
Lance gave Pidge a confused look. "What's it?
Lance backed away from Pidge slightly and turned to the other side to face Hunk. "What's IT, Hunk? I've gotta know."
"You'll figure it out soon, just watch."
Mr. Garrison turned towards the group. "Anything you'd like to share boys?
Pidge took one for the team and spoke on our behalf. "No sir, but what's on your table over there?"
Mr. Garrison turned to look at his desk to see a boombox around the size of Texas sitting there.
"What the...what is the meaning of this!? Pidge, you bet-"
Before Mr. Garrison could continue, Toxic by Britney Spears started blasting in the class. As it continued to play, confetti bursted from packets in the corners of the classroom and landed everywhere. It was glorious. This is what God envisioned when he created the human.
Mr Garrison didn't seem as impressed, "Who's responsible for this?!?! Was it you, Hunk!? You're looking awfully suspicious!"
If Hunk was trying not to look suspicious, he was doing a terrible job. He was sweating profusely and practically shaking in his seat, all while maintaining a jigsaw smile in an attempt to be nonchalant.
Pidge stood up from his desk, ready to defend his homie, "No! It was me!"
Pidge was being a real bro today. Taking the blame for your best friend? True courage.
"Down to the office now! And the rest of you can clean up this all up, courtesy of Pidge."
Pidge quickly shuffled out of class to avoid being yelled at
Lance would've been upset with Pidge because now he has to clean stuff up, but he was more upset with Hunk for letting Pidge kamikaze himself.
"Wow, Hunk, I'm so disappointed in you...Letting Pidge take the fall for both you? DISGOSTANG!"
Hunk put his finger to his lips, "Dude shut up or Mr. Garrison will hear! And I did it because Pidge and I have a system. If we both get in trouble for ALL the pranks we do, we'll eventually get expelled. But if one of us takes the blame for half of the pranks we do together, we can't get in too much trouble. Besides, most of the time we don't get caught so.."
"Ohhh, my bad."
"Dude, we've been doing this for like, forever. How do you not know this?"
Lance shrugged and started to wipe confetti off of his desk to sweep later. This was going to be a long period...
One eternity later, after they cleaned up all the confetti. Mr. Garrison made them sit at their desks quietly as punishment, despite not doing anything. Thankfully the bell rang immediately, so Lance didn't have to stay quiet for long. Lance and Hunk said their goodbyes and headed towards their respective classes. As Lance walked to class, he quickly realized that Keith was going to be in that class too. Dammit, I don't know what I'm going to do...
Sorry this chapter is short, will write the rest soon~!
Lance plopped himself down into his seat. He scanned the class looking for Keith, and when he couldn't find him, he sigh a breath of relief. Despite knowing that he was, in fact, awesome, he couldn't help but feel nervous. There was this strange sense of uneasiness he got thinking about talking about Keith. Is this how socially awkward people feel? Is this how Keith feels? The idea that Keith may be in the same boat with Lance made him feel a bit better.
Lance jumped when he heard a slam coming from the front of classroom. When he turned towards the sound, he saw a slightly disheveled Keith standing at the doorway. The school wasn't even that big. Where'd he come from, outer space?
Keith shot his arm out in front of Mr. Iverson, the world's greatest math teacher, and presented him with a his late slip.
"Sorry I'm late..," he mumbled before he took his seat at his desk...At the other side of the class.
"Fuck." He forgot that Keith didn't sit near him. Great. Now how was he going to talk to him?
"Excuse me, Lance?" Mr Iverson said faux sternly. He looked more amused than offended.
Lance knew he had to recover somehow.
"Oh sorry sir. It's just that I have a French test tomorrow and I was trying to remember the French word for seal so..."
There. That should be good enough. It did help that he actually did have French and actually did have a French exam tomorrow.
"Kay...Just don't study out loud while I'm trying to teach."
Mr. Iverson had the incredible ability to say bitchy things while sounding relatively kind and understanding.
Mr. Iverson started to talk about math stuff. (#Justtrigonometrythings). As he began to write stuff on the board, Lance quickly pulled out his notebook and started writing what was on board. He focused on what the teacher was saying. Desperate to understand what was going. He couldn't. At least his notes were vaguely coherent.
Thwack. Lance saw a crumpled paper ball land on his desk. He uncrumpled it to see a note written inside. He looked to see where Mr. Iverson before reading.
Oh, he's still writing notes I guess. Lance thought to himself. He was surprised that Mr. Iverson didn't hear that massive sound, but somehow heard Lance swear.
Lance began to focus his eyes on the messy writing scrawled on the paper.
Hey, get Jason. M to switch spots with you
Lance was no detective, but he put two and two together and realized Keith wanted Lance in close proximity.
Lance looked around to see who would be worth trading spots for in Jason's eyes. Kim...? No, he got over her last week. Ashley??...No, not his type. Lance pondered almost everyone until his eyes landed on a very special girl diagonal to him. Priya!
Lance quickly ripped a page from his notebook a scribbled up an offer no man could resist.
Jason, could you trade spots with me please? I sit across from Priya ;- )
Lance gently tapped the shoulder of the girl next to him and asked her to pass the note. In no time, he got the note back. It was the same page, but now the words 'kay' could be found at the bottom of the page.
Mr. Iverson's voice came back into focus. He was saying something about working on some worksheets in pairs. Perfect, now Keith and I can just talk..
Lance grabbed his notebook and binder and practically sprinted over to Jason's seat. Jason wa already gone, though. All that remained in the corner of this classroom was him, Keith and a whole lot of math.
"Hey," mumbled Keith. "Good job getting Jason to trade seats with you...That guy is usually so argumentative."
"Yeah, I just used my epic powers of persuasion!"
Keith let out a surprisingly adorable laugh. Lance almost felt the urge to blush before realizing how gay that was.
"So, like, are you busy after class?"
"No!" Lance said a little too quickly. "I mean, I'm not busy then."
"Cool, because, I'll be honest, I have no idea what exactly the deal between us is.."
"Dude, how'd you say a question mark out loud?"
"That's something I can teach you after class if you help me understand what to do. Deal?"
"Deal.." Keith sighed. " Okay pretty much we start out this equation by..."
Lance couldn't pinpoint exactly what about Keith made him such a good instructor, but he was really good. Maybe it was logical explanations, him taking time to create good analogies or that raspy, rugged voice. Anyways, whatever magic he casted on lance helped get math a little bit more.
Before they knew it, the bell had rang. They tucked in their chairs, waved goodbye to Mr.Iverson and started walking together.
"Soo..where should we go?" asked Keith.
"Cool, follow me then." Keith grabbed Lance's hand and led the way.
Lance smiled, and followed behind