Work Header

Trigger Happy

Work Text:

"Tony... Tony!“

Tony's head snapped up abruptly, slamming into something hard. “Ow! Fucking – wha?”

Someone grunted in pain right above him, but Tony's vision swam too much to make out anything. He tried to wiggle around, panicking a little when he couldn't move at all. “Wai – Whas goin' on?”

“Calm down, you're gonna hurt yourself.”

Tony squeezed his eyes shut again as pain throbbed through his temples. He gingerly tried to move his arms but found that they were stuck behind his back. Someone was breathing on his shoulder and – yup, he was naked. Great. And judging by those abs he was squished against – “Cap?”

“Yeah, it's me.”

Double fucking great.

Tony tried blinking his eyes open more cautiously now, squinting at the black lines crossing Steve's skin where he – oh, that was tape. Tony was fucking duct taped to Captain America. Wonderful.

He sighed wearily. “How did we get here?”

“I'm not sure,” Steve said and Tony wrinkled his nose when Steve's breath rustled his hair. Wow, that felt weird with the headache. “We got ambushed after the gala. I saw Nat get away though, she should've called backup by now.”

“Well, at least there's that.”

“Yeah,” Steve said curtly. Now that Tony's brain was a little less foggy he noticed that Steve's voice sounded a bit strained. Which probably had to do with the fact that his genitals were getting pretty up close and personal with Tony's. Yahoo.

“So,” Tony said after a short silence in which he seriously wondered if this was just an elaborate wet dream or not. “This is awkward.”

“That's one way of putting it,” Steve said flatly and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Just making conversation.”

“I'd rather you didn't,” Steve said and he sounded uncomfortable enough that Tony decided to listen to him for once.

His vision had cleared enough to make out their surroundings. A white room, no windows, one door at Steve's back with an electronic lock. That would be great if Tony had any chance of detaching himself from Steve enough to reach it which didn't seem very likely at this point. Also the soft weight of Steve's cock on his thigh was becoming very distracting. Damn, Steve was packing some serious heat. That serum hadn't skipped any part of him.

“Thanks, dad,” Tony mumbled.



Tony looked around the room, hoping to find something, a tool, a sharp edge even – but there was nothing. He sighed. So much for his escape plan. “We need to get this tape off.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Steve deadpanned and Tony rolled his eyes, shifting his hips to find a more comfortable position.

“Look, maybe if you lean forward I can –“


Tony's brain did a full stop. “Um. Steve?”

“Sorry,” Steve gritted out and Tony frowned in confusion for a second before he felt it. He whistled on reflex.

“Well hello there, soldier.”

Steve made an embarrassed noise and Tony couldn't help it. He chuckled. “Say, is that a gun in your pocket or are you –“

“Finish that sentence and I will bite you,” Steve ground out and Tony smirked.

“Careful, I might like that.”

Steve took a deliberately measured breath, his body so tense against Tony's that it had to be uncomfortable. “This isn't funny, Stark.”

“Maybe not,” Tony conceded, shrugging as best he could. “But hey, you're young, I'm hot, this isn't a big deal. I'll take it as a compliment.”

Steve groaned, letting his head fall heavily against Tony's shoulder. “Why do you always – stop squirming!”

“I'm trying to help!” Tony said, wiggling so he could try and twist enough to take the closest strip of tape on Steve's shoulder into his mouth. He made a frustrated noise when he couldn't quite reach it. “Our hands are useless, but if I bite it –“

“Stop,” Steve repeated, much more forcefully as he started trying to push Tony away only to freeze abruptly. “Oh.”

Tony's eyes narrowed. “What?” He tried to go back to his task, but the pained noise Steve made stilled him. “Steve?”

“Please stop moving,” Steve said, sounding choked. What was he – oh.

“Sorry, forgot,” Tony mumbled, trying to shift away, but Steve hooked his chin over his shoulder to keep him from completing the motion.

“Stop! You're making it worse, just – stop!”

“Okay, okay,” Tony said quickly, holding as still as he possibly could as Steve breathed heavily into his shoulder. Too heavily. “Uh, Steve?”

“It's –“ Steve broke off with a quiet whine, swallowed, whined again. “Oh God, I – sorry –“

Tony wanted to ask what for, but before he could there was a wet warmth in the crook of his hip and – holy shit, he could actually feel Steve's cock twitching, what the fuck –

It only lasted a few seconds. Tony's brain was filled with static, refusing to comprehend what just happened even as the evidence of it slowly dripped down his thigh. Steve must've held his breath because as soon as the tension in his body released he started gasping for air. His neck felt almost unbearably hot against Tony's cheek.

“Uh... Cap?”

Tony could feel Steve's jaw work against his shoulder, but the soldier remained stubbornly silent, his skin burning hot to the touch. Tony was at a loss. What did you do in a situation like this?

“Okay, so I'd totally give you some breathing space right now, but it seems like I'm stuck here,” Tony joked – really brain, that's what we're doing? – and tugged at the tape for emphasis. Steve sucked in a sharp breath and Tony gulped. “Um, you okay?”

“It's gonna happen again,” Steve said miserably, his cheek burning where he'd pressed it into Tony's shoulder. “I'm so sorry.”

“Don't sweat it,” Tony said hoarsely, eyes wide and unblinking as he felt Steve's dick harden against his thigh so fast it was probably painful. “What the –”

“God,” Steve moaned and his hips rutted forward like he couldn't help it, jostling Tony's entire body with the force of it. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I –“

He keened when his cock pulsed, coming again just like that and Tony couldn't even feel his face he was so fucking numb with shock. What the fuck was happening?

Steve's body slumped as soon as he was done, but the tension remained, buzzing so obviously under his skin that even Tony could feel it.

“Did they –“ Tony cleared his throat when his voice came out as a rasp. “Did they spray you with something? Injections? Maybe –“

“No,” Steve sighed wearily, still trying to catch his breath after coming twice in under a minute, what the actual fuck? “I – this is – the serum, it made me... like this.”

“Oh,” Tony breathed, head reeling as he tried very hard not to concentrate on the way Steve's come was getting sticky on his skin. Nope, not thinking about that. “So it, what. Turned your dick into a machine gun? Hairpin trigger?”

Tony could feel Steve's jaw flex against his shoulder. “That's not funny, Stark.”

“Never said it was.” His eyes widened when Steve's cock jumped, already back to half-mast. “Whoa. What the fuck?”

“I can't help it,” Steve gritted out, obviously straining to keep himself in check, but it didn't help, he was only getting harder against Tony's thigh. “I just – I – fuck.”

Steve thrust forward again and the miserable curve of his spine as he tried to hold back made Tony's heart twinge.

“Look, you.... you're obviously in pain, so just – do what you need to do, okay? Just – whoa!”

It seemed like permission was all Steve had been waiting for because he started thrusting right away, lifting Tony off the ground with only his hips and – yeah, okay, that was kind of hot, what the hell –

“Steve,” Tony said more on reflex than anything else and Steve moaned, long and loud and a little pained and fuck, what the fuck –

Tony sucked in a breath when Steve's thrusts somehow brought them even closer together so that Steve was now grinding directly against Tony's crotch instead of his thigh. And while a part of him was still screaming internally a much bigger part was very much on board with this.

They both moaned when they were suddenly perfectly aligned, so good, Steve's come from before easing the slide –

“God,” Steve gasped out and Tony could only agree, muffling his panting breaths against Steve's shoulder and shivering at the way he could feel Steve's muscles working under all of that smooth skin. “Tony –“

“Yeah,” Tony breathed, pressing his face into Steve's collarbone, just to feel his skin. God, he was burning up. “Fuck, Steve –“

Steve's hips stuttered as he came with a loud whine, his head pressed into the crook of Tony's neck. It lasted even longer this time, Steve's body twitching uncontrollably with the aftershocks. Tony swallowed heavily.

“Uh, so. How many times do you think you'll –“

“I'm so sorry,” Steve gasped into his shoulder, his body faintly trembling now. “God, it's – It's too much.”

“I'll say,” Tony mumbled, soothingly rubbing his cheek against Steve's because his hands were still taped behind his back. “So, I mean. I want to ask what the hell, but –“

“I –“ Steve licked his dry lips and cleared his throat. “I'm not sure how – Erskine said it was the increased hormone production. That once I – I mean, when I start I just... it keeps coming back. And when I – finish, my body doesn't need a break, so it's – I mean, he said it's because the aftermath of an orgasm is enough stimulation for me to produce another erection, so basically my body's in a loop.”

Tony swallowed down his slightly hysterical laughter at how absurd that sounded, but the evidence spoke for itself. What the actual fuck kind of a doctor was Erskine anyway? “Okay, so... How do we break it?”

Steve shook his head miserably. “I, um. I usually just take a cold shower when I – can't. Anymore.”

“Ah.” Tony nodded. “Yeah, that sounds... reasonable.” Steve's breathing hitched and Tony shifted as he became acutely aware of Steve's erection pressed against his ass. “Again?”

Steve groaned miserably. “I'm so sorry.”

“Don't sweat it, really,” Tony said, mostly over the shock now and leaning towards curious. “So, how do you deal? Can you just ignore all of it or – Wait, what happens when you get turned on in public?”

Steve grunted into his neck, hips already grinding against Tony's again which –

“Shit,” Tony groaned quietly. Oh yeah, he was still hard, he almost forgot.

“I can't think about it,” Steve gasped. “If I... When I do, I – I can't stop it from happening.”

“So has that happened before?” Tony asked, his voice hitching with Steve's thrusts. “You got turned on in public and had to get away?”

Steve laughed humorlessly. “What do you think?”

“How'd you deal with it?”

“Not well,” Steve panted, speeding up again. His neck was glistening with sweat. “Had to – ngh, go jerk off in a restroom and when it didn't stop I bit my arm until it went away.”

“Holy shit,” Tony said, eyes wide. “How long did that take?”

“Had to bite it bloody.” Steve groaned heartily, burying his face in Tony's shoulder again. Tony could feel his gasping breaths as he came again, muscles straining against the bonds. When he was done he deflated with a sigh. “Sorry.”

“Seriously, stop apologizing,” Tony said. “It's not like you can help it.” Steve moaned miserably and Tony snickered. “Just be glad you're not here with Clint or Natasha. They could kill you with their pinkies even if you were taped together.”

Steve suddenly stiffened against him. Tony frowned, trying to get a look at his face. “Steve?”

“This wouldn't have happened with Clint or Natasha,” Steve said and he sounded both hesitant and strangely determined. It was weird.

Also, what?

“What do you mean?” Tony asked suspiciously and Steve's shoulders tensed even more.

“I'm saying this isn't just a reaction to a naked body,” Steve admitted haltingly and his neck was bright red now. “I mean, I can control it better than this. Usually.”

Tony's face went absolutely blank. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed. “Oh.”

So Steve was turned on because of Tony. Specifically Tony. Without him even doing anything. Out of all the things Tony had expected to hear today this would've definitely made the bottom of the list.

Don't get him wrong, Tony knew exactly how hot he was. If he tried he could charm the pants off of just about anyone. But Steve? The man who'd taken one look at him and known that Tony was full of shit, the one who had taken months to warm up to the idea of moving into Tony's tower, the beacon of honesty and righteousness and everything Tony wasn't? That Steve?

What the hell was happening?

“So you...” Tony swallowed heavily. “You think I'm attractive? That's a thing?”

He could practically hear the eye roll in Steve's voice. “You're a very attractive man, yes.”

“Okay,” Tony said, trying and still failing to wrap his head around it. “That's – okay.”

Steve sighed. “I'm sorry. I don't want to... I mean, I guess it's too late to not make you uncomfortable but – Shit.” The unexpected curse shook Tony from his stupor. “I'm sorry, I'm messing this all up, I just – you don't have to say anything is what I mean.”

“That's okay,” Tony said, trying not to sound as stumped as he felt. He purposely let his breath hit Steve's neck to test the waters and Steve shuddered so hard Tony could feel it all the way down his chest. Wow. “Again?”

“I'm sorry,” Steve moaned, sounding pained, but he was already grinding up into Tony again. “I know it's disgusting.”

“Whoa, hey, what? No!” Tony pulled back as much as he could to give Steve an incredulous look. “This isn't disgusting, Steve, what the hell?”

Steve stubbornly refused to look at him, flushed with embarrassment, and no, just no. Tony was not having it.

“Steve, this isn't – Look, I don't think you realize how fucking amazing this is. Hell, I feel flattered as fuck right now.”

“It's not normal,” Steve said reproachfully as if daring Tony to disagree.

“Of course not,” Tony said. “But that's not a bad thing. Anyone would be lucky to be with someone like you. I know I would.” Whoops, bit too honest there, Stark.

“You'd – want this?” Steve asked, incredulity clear in his voice. “Me? Even if –“

“Listen, in the interest of full disclosure I'm just gonna say that this is the hottest thing that's ever happened to me,” Tony said. “And trust me, I've seen some things. So many things, Steve, but this – I mean, shit, do you even know how hot it is that you're so hungry for it?”

Steve flushed with embarrassment but there was wonder in his eyes, too. “You – you like it?”

“Like it? Love it!” Tony emphasized his words with a slow grind against Steve's still hard cock that made Steve gasp. “Honestly I'd love to get you in a bed and have my way with you properly over and over and over –“

“Tony,” Steve groaned long and loud and it only took a couple thrusts before he was coming again, just like that, Jesus Christ. This was such a boost for Tony's ego. Pepper would disapprove.

Also, Steve moaning his name like that? Went straight to the spank bank.

“You okay?” Tony asked when Steve kept convulsing against him a full minute after his orgasm. “You seem a little... twitchy?”

“It – fuck.” Tony's eyes widened when Steve cursed. Twice in one day, this had to be some sort of record. “It kinda... hurts. A little.”

“Hurts?” Tony asked in alarm. “Wait, really? Are you –“

“I never let it go on this long,” Steve said, groaning as his cock started to fill out again. Tony could feel him grimace when he pressed his face into Tony's shoulder. “It's not... unpleasant yet, but it – feels tight.”

Tony frowned. “You came five times in a row, of course it's gonna hurt at some point.”

Steve chuckled weakly. “You counting?"

“It's something to do. Can't risk getting bored,” Tony said sarcastically and Steve actually laughed a little before he choked out a gasp, whole body jerking against Tony. He incidentally ground right up against Tony's cock and the feeling caught Tony so off guard that he accidentally moaned. Very loudly.


“Tony?” Steve asked quietly. Tony couldn't place the tone in his voice but it didn't sound good. “Are you –“

“There's literally no way you've missed that until now,” Tony joked, trying to downplay his sudden discomfort. “I think we've established that I'm kind of into this.”

Steve stayed frozen long enough that Tony seriously considered chewing his own arm off to get out of this when Steve suddenly shifted so Tony slipped down another inch into Steve's lap.

“Whoa, what are you – oh!” Tony groaned at the friction on his dick as Steve started a downright brutal pace. “Oh shit, that's – fuck –“

Steve grunted with what looked like a lot of effort, the muscles in his shoulders straining enough that Tony could see them flex. Tony could only hold on for the ride, suddenly aware just how revved up he was from this whole thing, already so close –

“Fuck,” he moaned and Steve jolted like he'd been electrocuted. “Steve –“

“I can't –“ Steve groaned desperately, grinding his forehead so hard into Tony's shoulder that it almost hurt. “Fuck, sorry, I can't hold – fuck!”

Steve spilled between them with a drawn out whine and Tony breathed out harshly, trying to ignore his still throbbing cock. His thighs were so sticky by now that it was getting a little uncomfortable. They were probably sitting in a puddle.

“I'm sorry,” Steve whispered and – was he crying? Tony could feel panic creep up in him at the way Steve's shoulders were shaking.

“Hey, no, you're fine,” he babbled, rubbing his calves against Steve's back in an attempt to comfort him. Fuck, he didn't know how to do this. “I know it's a lot, don't worry, we'll get out of here soon.”

“I wanted – you didn't –“ Steve stammered breathlessly and suddenly Tony understood, shaking his head in amusement even as he made soothing noises.

“It's alright, hey, don't worry about it, okay? This is about you.”

“But you didn't –“ Steve choked out and he sounded so upset that it almost made Tony laugh. Trust Captain America to care about equality in bed.

“Look, even if I don't come at all that's fine.” Steve tried to protest but Tony shushed him. “It's probably better if I don't anyway. I can't go twice in a row and if I come it's just gonna be uncomfortable for me when you keep going. So don't feel obligated, okay? This is about what you need.”

Steve sniffled but he seemed to accept the logic behind Tony's reasoning. “I just want you to feel good, too.”

God, Tony shouldn't want to coo at a grown man, but... “I'm feeling plenty good, trust me, big guy.”

“Okay,” Steve said, apparently too far gone to keep arguing with Tony if his jerky hip movements were any indication. “Ngh...”

“You good, Steve?” Tony asked, trying to get a better look at Steve's face but the soldier was back to hiding in the crook of Tony's neck. “Hey, look at me. Are you okay?”

Steve pulled back just enough to look at him and Tony sucked in a breath at how fucking wrecked Steve looked, his eyes a little unfocused and his skin flushed an almost unhealthy red.

“Jesus, Steve...”

“I – mh...” Steve moaned and it sounded almost pitiful with how overwhelmed he looked. “It's back, it's –“

“Yeah. You know what to do Steve, just –“ Tony breathing hitched when Steve undulated against him, his entire body rolling with the motion. “Yeah, like that, take what you need.”

And Steve did, his thrusts becoming sharper and sharper as his breathing sped up. Tony could feel Steve's heart hammering where their chests were pressed together.

“Bite me,” Steve gasped, looking at Tony deliriously. “You gotta – I told you –“

Right, yeah, breaking the cycle, Tony remembered. He nodded sharply. “Okay, should I go for the shoulder or –“

“Do it,” Steve snapped, the tendons in his neck standing out in stark relief. Tony shook his head, fitting his mouth over Steve's shoulder and biting down fiercely.

He wasn't prepared for the way Steve's hips bucked up hard enough to make the tape binding them together creak under the strain. Steve came with a howl, thrusting up against Tony so hard that he pushed them several inches across the floor.

“Well, that didn't work,” Tony said slightly hysterically and Steve's hands seized on Tony's hips. Shit.

“I can't,” Steve moaned weakly, shudders wracking his body. His face was so flushed that Tony was honestly worried about his blood pressure. “Oh god, please...”

“You're gonna be fine,” Tony said urgently, feeling guilty as hell when Steve's cock hardened once again, not giving him a break. “The team's coming. They'll get us out of here and then we'll break this cycle, Steve, I swear!”

Steve didn't respond at all, too busy humping Tony mindlessly, muffling panting moans in the crook of his neck. It took longer this time but when he finally came he did it with a shout that turned into sobbing breaths halfway through. He sounded miserable.

“Shh, hey,” Tony said soothingly, rubbing his cheek against Steve's when the soldier slumped down against him. He wanted to punch something when he felt Steve's chest hitch with barely suppressed sobs. “I know, I'm sorry, you're gonna be fine, I promise.”

“It hurts,” Steve whimpered and Tony's heart squeezed painfully. “Make it stop.”

“I can't,” Tony whispered and the way Steve's face crumpled physically hurt somewhere in his chest. “I'm so sorry, Steve, you're gonna have to keep doing it.”

“No,” Steve moaned, but his hips were already moving, instinctively trying to get more friction. “No more, please, please –“

He kept pleading under his breath and Tony tried to reassure him, stroking Steve's back with what little leverage he had, leaving tiny kisses on Steve's shoulder. Steve probably wouldn't remember this anyway and it seemed to ease some of his tension. He wasn't sure Steve could even hear him over his desperate panting but Tony talked to him anyway. “You'll get through this, I promise, Steve, and then we'll go home and it'll all be over –“

Steve sped up even further and the noises he made were more pain than pleasure, working so desperately hard for his release. He didn't make a sound when he came that time and honestly this whole thing was starting to scare the crap out of Tony.

“Steve?” he asked tentatively when Steve's whole body slumped against him. “You okay there, buddy?”

Tony's heart started hammering in panic when Steve didn't respond at all but after a second he realized how Steve's breathing had slowly evened out against his shoulder. The poor bastard must've passed out. Which sucked of course but it was probably for the best. Steve hadn't seemed like he would've been able to take much more of this abuse.

Tony didn't know how long he sat there, just keeping track of Steve's vitals as best he could, but it was probably only half an hour before he heard shouting and banging sounds from somewhere beyond the wall.

“In here!” he shouted hoarsely, relief flooding him when someone jiggled the lock and the door sprung open. Tony could've cried at the sight of Clint's ugly mug. “Never thought I'd say this but man am I glad to see you.”

“Jesus Christ,” Clint said, pinching his nose. “What the fuck happened here?” He took in the sight of them, obviously torn between laughter and disgust. “Are you naked? What's wrong with Cap?"

Tony snorted. “That weirdo's asleep. They got him pretty good.” He hadn't meant for that note of genuine concern to slip in, but it seemed to be enough to spur Clint into action.

“Alright then,” Clint said, slipping his bow over his shoulder as he pulled a knife from some hidden pouch in his uniform and started cutting away at the bonds.

Tony could see the exact moment Clint noticed the dried streaks of come decorating most of Tony's lower body. His eyes widened but before he could say anything Tony cleared his throat and gave him the fiercest glare he could muster. Clint thankfully seemed shocked enough that he actually kept his mouth shut, cutting them free with a few jerky movements.

“Take this,” he said tersely, taking off his vest and throwing it down in Tony's lap. Then he wrinkled his nose. “Burn it after.”

“With pleasure,” Tony replied just as stiffly, wiping up the worst of the mess before he even tried to untangle his and Steve's limbs, wincing when the tape ripped at his skin. “This is so fucking dumb.”

“Effective though,” Natasha suddenly said from the doorway and Tony was doubly glad that Steve wasn't awake to be a part of this. He might've just died from embarrassment. “We gotta go. Someone tipped them off that we're here.”

“Fantastic,” Tony sighed, stretching his sore body as he rose to his feet, shivering a little in the cold air now that he couldn't rely on Steve's body heat anymore. “We'll need to find my armor.”

“You mean this thing?” Natasha asked, dropping the suitcase at his feet. Tony could've wept with joy. “Get dressed, we need to hurry.”

It was a piece of cake to carry Steve to the quinjet in the armor and before he knew it Tony was wrapping the good Captain in a blanket, trying to arrange him more comfortably on one of the jet's benches. He'd hoped against hope that the spy twins would leave well enough alone but of course he wasn't so lucky.

“So what happened there?” Natasha asked from the co-pilot's seat. “Did they give him something?”

“No, he passed out from exhaustion,” Tony said unthinkingly, only realizing his mistake when Natasha gave him a weird look.

“Exhaustion from what exactly?”

Tony opened his mouth but couldn't think of a suitable lie. Instead he shrugged.

Natasha narrowed her eyes. “Spill it, Stark.”

“Classified,” he blurted, wincing when she raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Trust me, if he wants you to know he'll tell you himself.”

She only looked more intrigued but surprisingly Clint butted in. “Drop it, Tasha. He has his reasons.”

Natasha gave Clint a piercing look but the archer only shrugged, putting on a casual front. Her eyes darted back over to Steve and Tony for a second before her lips twitched into an amused smile. For some reason Tony got the feeling that she'd probably figured it out already. Great.

Tony sighed, dropping into the seat next to Steve and putting up the face plate. He couldn't resist pulling the blanket tighter around Steve and when he looked up Natasha was giving him an annoyingly knowing look. Tony narrowed his eyes at her but she only smiled, turning back to the front window. Whatever. Let her draw her conclusions, Tony was way too exhausted to care.

He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. It seemed like only a second had passed but it must've been longer because when he woke up again he had tilted to the side enough to rest his head on something soft and squishy in his sleep. Tony grumbled under his breath, burrowing deeper into the warm surface, but something dug into his shoulder, making him hiss and startle awake. He looked up only to find Steve looking down at him with something like panic in his eyes which – Oh. Shit.

Tony moved his face off Steve's crotch as quickly as possible but by the look on Steve's face it was already too late. Double shit.

“I gotta –“ Steve choked out before he jumped up from his seat, speed walking over to the tiny bathroom and practically slamming the door shut. Tony could feel Natasha's eyes on him like a brand but tried not to appear fazed at all, straightening as he let the armor melt from his body and back into a suitcase again. He rotated his aching joints with a grimace, trying to rub the discomfort away. Yeah, falling asleep in the armor? Never fun.

“We'll be home in ten minutes,” Clint said from the pilot's seat, nodding in the direction of the bathroom. “Why don't you check up on your boy, Stark?”

Tony bristled. “He's not my –“

“Please,” Natasha interrupted him, rolling her eyes. “No need to insult our intelligence.”

“Not that there's much to –“ Tony cut himself off at Natasha's glare, raising his hands. “Alright, I'm going, I'm going.”

“Use protection!”

Tony flipped Clint the bird before he made the short trip to the bathroom door. He glanced at Natasha and Clint but they were both busy pretending not to eavesdrop. Tony sighed, knocking on the door. “Steve?”

“Go away!”

Great. “Can we talk about this?”

“There's nothing to talk about!”

“Really? Because I can think of a few things.” Tony looked at the spy twins one more time before he sighed and said goodbye to his dignity. “Look, can you just let me make sure you're alright? Because honestly you really worried me when you passed out back there and I want to apologize for not being very helpful earlier and you know I'll just keep blabbing until you open the door Steve, you wanna hear some knock knock jokes? I can do knock knock jokes, you don't even have to play along. Knock knock, who's there, old lady, old lady who –“

The lock turned and strong hands pulled him inside. Steve immediately slammed the door shut again and Tony noticed a large wet patch on his pants. Must've cooled off in the sink.

“That's twice now, Captain Trigger Happy,” Tony said, putting his hands on his hips with an amused smirk. “Something you wanna tell me?”

“Go to dinner with me.”

Tony blinked. “Huh?”

“I want to take you to dinner,” Steve said, his face slowly getting red. “And maybe a movie. I'll treat you.”

Tony would've loved to respond but he was too busy gaping, taking a moment to let his brain reboot. Sorry, what?

By the time he'd convinced himself that this was, in fact, reality and not some fucked up fever dream Steve looked extremely uncomfortable.

“It's alright if you don't want to,” Steve said and he was obviously trying to look nonchalant but the subtle disappointment in his eyes made Tony's heart clench painfully. “I understand. Don't worry, I'll get over –“

“Don't!” Tony blurted, hands flailing to make Steve stop talking. “Stop. I'd love to go to dinner with you.”

Steve paused, face visibly brightening. “You do?”

“Totally, yeah, dinner and a movie, maybe ice cream and walks on the beach, the whole nine yards.” What the hell was he saying? “Anyway, yeah, I'd love to do just about anything with you, never thought it was an option but hello what a fucking option it is, I mean I'd drop to my knees right now and service America if you –“

“How about dinner first?” Steve cut in, sounding slightly panicked, and Tony wanted to punch himself in the mouth. Where was the smooth playboy part of him the one time he actually needed it? “Maybe tomorrow? I could pick you up at eight?”

“Definitely,” Tony said with an enthusiastic nod. “Please do. You know where I live. I mean, it's where you live.”

“Right,” Steve said and now he was smiling. Tony loved that smile. It was a great smile. Jesus Christ, Stark, focus. “Tomorrow then.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, slowly inching back out the door. “I'll – leave you to it then?”

Steve looked down at his pants, grimacing a little self-consciously. “Yeah, I'll just – dry this off I guess.”

“Don't have too much fun without me,” Tony said before he practically floated out of the bathroom, feeling lighter than air. Dinner. With Steve.

“Had a good time?” Clint asked as Tony drifted back to his seat. Tony's grin probably looked way goofy. He couldn't care less.

“I will. Tomorrow.”

Natasha clucked her tongue and held out her hand towards Clint.

“Pay up, птичка.”