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Alone

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Katsuki looked down at his phone, pulling up a playlist and shoving his headphones in. He decided to walk home today and he didn’t really notice until he was halfway home that nearly everyone walking in the same direction as him, was with someone. A friend or a lover or whatever these people considered themselves. Then they all split off from his path and suddenly he was completely alone. He never really thought about it before, but he was always alone.

Izuku had given up on him a long time ago and no one ever approached him in class after what he did to Eijiro, so he was just alone. He walked through the gates to his house and looked around the garden, a sigh escaping his lips as he walked inside. No one was home yet, one of the biggest reason’s he’d decided to walk. Both his parents were going to be out for a majority of the evening on business and Katsuki didn’t really have anyone to give him a ride. Once again reminding him of how alone he was.

He sat down on the couch and pulled out his homework, though most of it was already done since he did it during his free periods at school and lunch. So, by the time it was finished he was left alone with his thoughts. Alone.

Katsuki remembers being followed around and doted on in middle school by the weaker kids who thought his quirk was amazing. But now everyone was strong and moving forward with their quirks so he wasn’t so impressive anymore. No one had to dote on him or put up with his attitude. If they wanted friends they could get someone a million times better. Like Izuku.

At this point, Katsuki is just counting down the days until they finish school. When he can join an agency and forget about all these kids. Start new. Fresh. Right. It’s like a brief walk in the morning right before your big run. You have to get through this walk Katsuki. You’re almost there.

He laid back on the couch and rolled over to face the backrest, hating how quiet it was but not in the mood to watch tv or turn his music back on. So instead he just ran his fingers along the back of the couch and traced out shapes until he grew bored of that too.

Sometimes Katsuki wishes that Izuku would call him one more time. Give him one more chance to be better. After all, it’s been two years and he’s learned a lot. But not enough. He pulled his phone out and opened his contacts to scroll through them. A lot of them were old, people he would never speak to again, so he deleted them.

“Haruma” Katsuki read the name out loud and sighed. “Girrafe boy. Why did I even have your fucking phone number” he grumbled, deleting the number.

“God, why did I even have half these phone numbers” He scrolled through, deleting number after number until only three remained in his phone.

Mom, Dad, Deku

There was a pause as he looked over the numbers before shaking his head and opening Izuku’s contact number. His thumb hovered there over the delete button for five maybe even ten minutes before he finally moved it away and pressed the edit key instead.

Mom, Dad, Izuku

“Not that you’ll ever know nerd...but I’d like to talk to you” he muttered, setting his phone on the table and rolling back over to look at the back of the couch again. He wasn’t sure how long he stared at the couch before the tears started to build up in his eyes. He curled in on himself and let out a choked sob before breaking down fully into tears.


“Kacchan!” Izuku ran towards the fallen boy and held out a hand. “Are you okay?”

“Don’t fucking touch me Deku! I don’t need your help!” Katsuki pushed Izuku’s hand away and stood up, dusting himself off and wincing at the pain in his knee from the fall.

“Kacchan you’re bleeding” Izuku’s voice sounded worried but his expression showed his determination to help and it made Katsuki groan as he sat down on a nearby rock.

“And what are you going to do about it, Deku”

“Let me help you Kacchan please”


Katsuki’s head shot up as he heard a knock on the door and he looked over, a sigh on his lips as he stood up. He must have fallen asleep. He walked over and pulled the door open, surprised to see Inko standing on his doorstep.

“Katsuki I just got off the phone with your mother she is worried sick about you. She’s been calling and calling” Inko seemed out of breath like she’d ran here instead of just driving the block.

Katsuki looked over at the table and picked up his phone. 12 missed calls from mom and dad. Nothing from Izuku. He sighed and nodded. “Yeah I must have fallen asleep” He muttered. “Is she okay?”

“Yes she’s fine she was calling the first time to let you know they won’t be home tonight. They have to finish this business proposal and she gave me a lot of details I’m sure you don’t care to here”

“I mean...I don’t really mind” Katsuki sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “The more she told him the longer she was here and the less alone he felt. “Sorry to worry you Mrs Midoriya”

Inko almost looked hurt when he spoke. “Katsuki since when did you stop calling me Auntie?” She asked, looking over his face. “Are you okay?”

“I mean it’s been three years since we’ve seen each other. Izuku doesn’t talk to me anymore so I...it’s not important. Sorry to have worried you I’ll call my mom and let her know I’m fine” He closed the door and stepped away, sitting back down on the couch and grumbling as he heard more knocking. He stood back up and opened the door again.

“Do you want to come over tonight Katsuki”

“I’m fine I really appreciate the alone time please” His voice was telling of the lie on his tongue but Inko didn’t want to push him so she just simply nodded and waved goodbye before finally leaving.

Katsuki closed the door again and looked at the couch, giving up on sitting there and deciding to just go to bed. He walked up to his room after making sure the door was locked and laid down. He set his morning alarm as always and curled into his bed to sleep.


“Kacchan?”

“What do you want, nerd”

“Do you think it will get better someday”

Katsuki was confused by the question and he laughed to hide that. “Of course it will for me. I’m going to be a pro-hero. Can’t say much for your quirkless self though”

“Kacchan”

“What? It’s true. How can you possibly wish for something better when you are so useless”

There were tears in Izuku’s eyes as he stood up to run out of the room they were sitting in. Katsuki hated making him cry like that but at the same time, there was some sick part of him that found it funny. He hated that too.


 

The blaring alarm woke him in the morning and Katsuki sat up, wiping the apparent tears from his eyes and looking at the time. He never actually needed his alarm to wake up. He sighed swung his legs over the bed, standing up and heading down the stairs to make himself breakfast. He ate it quickly, got dressed, and began the walk to school.

He sat in his seat, as usual, watching the teachers as he always did. But for some reason, his focus wasn’t there. He wasn’t able to take his notes or get anything out of this. So by the time lunch rolled around, Katsuki felt like he hadn’t learned anything. He grumbled and left the classroom to go to lunch, looking around at all the groups that usually sat there and deciding he didn’t feel like being alone in a group of people today. He went up to the roof and sat on one of the benches.

He appreciated how UA had put a small garden on the roof for students to enjoy during lunch or after school. It was calming to sit under when Katsuki needed a moment to himself. Not that every moment nowadays wasn’t to himself.

This time though the flowers didn’t help him feel any better. He didn’t eat or drink anything, just sat with the flowers, looking over the edge of the school and feeling the wind in his hair. Something was pulling him closer to the edge. A strange feeling telling him to just look. He’d never jump. He may be depressed and lonely but he wanted to be a hero more than anything and he would never be able to jump but he looked over the railing and took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and imagining what it might be like if all the pain and fear just went away.

He never heard a school bell to end lunch but it must have rung at some point because half an hour into class he was no longer the only one on the roof. He turned around at his name and his eyes widened at what he saw.

“Kacchan”

Katsuki’s body trembled at the nickname he never thought he’d hear again.

“You never miss class. Mom told me you seemed really upset last night and then you missed class and you’re acting so weird and quiet lately. Are you okay?”

“I...Izuku” The name felt foreign on his lips but he liked it. “I...No...No I’m not okay” He responded, tears building up in his eyes. “Nothing can make up for all the things I’ve done. How can I call myself a hero Izuku. I don’t have any friends. Everyone hates me for the things I’ve done and I deserve that. How could I ever think I deserved friends or to be a hero or to be standing here on the roof of my dream school months away from graduation?”

“Kacchan”

“I don’t deserve that either Izuku don’t you see? I’ve ruined everything all because I was so afraid to show who I was that I wanted to make everyone else hurt like I was and now I just hurt so much because of it and I never deserved to have any friends or parents like I do and I took it all for granted and now I have nothing”

“Katsuki, please. Stop talking”

Katsuki looked at Izuku, shocked that he used his proper name despite being told to. He slid his mouth shut and looked at the boy before him, body trembling as he tried to keep some form of composure.

“Katsuki why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“I didn’t think you deserved to have my burdens on your shoulder so I kept them on my own.”

“You didn’t have to say something to me. To someone. You can’t let yourself get to a point where you are genuinely considering jumping off this roof.”

“I wasn’t going to do it”

“Oh please, I have been in this same situation. I’ve looked over the railing like you just were. You can tell yourself you weren’t thinking about it but you were. You were thinking about how it would feel to finally be better because none of the problems you have would follow you. But you’d create a whole new branch of problems, Katsuki. Problems for your mom, problems for you dad, for me, Katsuki.”

“I...I know..I just…”

“It’s okay to be lost Katsuki, to feel alone. But you don’t have to be. Come downstairs with me. We’ll start all over okay? No worries about the past and what we’ve said to each other. Just you, me, and a safe distance from the ground.”

Katuski looked at Izuku as if he was lying, sceptical of this idea, but he nodded and moved closer to the door before finally walking alongside Izuku down to the bottom floor.

“I’m sorry”

“Me too”