I’ve heard the saying “Home is not a place, it’s a person” many times, but I’ve always felt that I found my home in my art, until now. Until this moment as I’m lying in bed with the person I love and who has always been my home, I just didn’t know it.
As we are lying on her bed and I lay sweet kissed on her shoulder causing her to turn and we gaze straight into each others eyes, I see something in her’s that does not belong there right now. Hurt.
“You know what’s wrong.”
She doesn’t answer verbally, she doesn’t have to.
“Adena, you know how I feel about you, I don’t even have to tell you. But Tia was there for me when you were not. And I know you had you’re own issues to deal with, but it doesn’t change the way I felt. I was vulnerable and insecure and she made me feel secure in myself again. I learned to live a life without you” She says with a tear rolling down her face.
‘I learned to live a life without you’ Is probably the last words you want to hear from the person who has become the reason you’re heart beats, but I understood where it came from.
“Kat, I get it. She touched you too.” What Kat had yet to learn was that there would be many people who were going to touch her life, some imprints just weren’t meant to last.
“Yea, she did. But then there is you and I just can’t seem to let you go. My mind, My heart. You’re constantly everywhere within me. It’d physically painful how much I love you, how much my whole being loves you.”
As she spoke these words I could not help to notice how much she has grown. I’ve always known that she needed to discover more of herself but the level of growth in her that has taken place within such a short period of time, it was simply beautiful.
“Did you just say you love me… without making joke after it. Must mean you really meant it then.”
“You have no idea.” She didn’t have to say it again, I could feel it in her voice.
I take this moment just to take her in, take in everything I’ve missed over past weeks.
“Adena, you need to stop saying my name. You know what it does to me.” She says with a frustrated.
“Well, what am I suppose to call you?” I say with a smirk on my face.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, we’ll figure it out when I can finally call you mine.” I really hope I’ll be able to call her mine.
“Too soon. Way too soon.”
“But seriously, I need to tell you something.” She says nothing but leans in closer encouraging me to continue. “I love you. So much… Kat.”
I don’t think she minded the fact that I called her by her name because the next thing I knew was that she was straddling me and kissing me with so much passion. It could only be described as the love that she was trying to physically convey to me.
I knew that this was not the end of the Tia conversation but right now I just needed to be in this moment, irrespective of the future. I needed to feel her skin on mine. Her eyes in mine. Her hair in my fingers. Her lips on my lips.
I needed to be able to remember this moment forever, if I needed to.
The Next Morning
I wake up to Kat staring at me with the biggest smile on her face.
“What?” I ask with sleep still in my voice.
“I’m just embracing the beauty laying before me.”
“Ooh, look at you being all sappy as shit right now.”
“And to think I was almost going to kiss that potty mouth of yours.” She says teasingly.
“Well good thing I stopped you coz morning breath is not sexy.” I say as I try to make my way off the bed, only to be stopped by tug on my shirt.
“Kat! Wait! I need to brush my teeth first.”
“No. You. Don’t.” She says in between soft kissed. And that was was much restraint I had for Kat’s kisses within in. Have I ever mentioned what a good kisser she is? Well, she is.
With that I was sucked into an intense make out session until I heard the grumbling of a stomach.
“Sounds like someone is hungry.”
“I have everything I need right here.”
“Aww, aren’t you the sweetest thing. But seriously I haven’t eaten properly in a few days.
This was not a lie, the gallery show has consumed most of my time, not to mention this lovely love triangle I’ve found myself in. Nerves has got the best of me.
“Poor baby. Well I don’t think I have much but whatever I have it’s yours.” Simultaneously stated with a hint of humour and sincerity.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
And that was my my queue to get off this bed ASAP, even though I’d lay with her here forever if that’s what she wanted.
I get up and I raid Kat’s closet for a comfortable hoodie and shorts and I make my way to the kitchen.
She was not wrong, all I could find was wine, an empty tin of frozen yogurt, grapes and coffee.
“Kat, stop sleeping.” I nearly shout.
“Why!?!” She wines.
“Coz I want to have breakfast with you. Although we’ll probably have to eat each other coz you have nothing and don’t even… I was just joking.” But was I?
“Hahaha, Adena has jokes. That’s a first.” But she eventually makes her out of bed and sits on one of the chairs at her kitchen table.
“So today I will be serving you les raisins and cafè.”
“Ooh, sounds fancy.”
This was one of the things I missed about being with Kat. The fact that I could be myself unconditionally and not feel exposed or embarrassed. And her humour, while sometimes untimely, it always managed to put a smile on my face.
We sit across each other just taking each other in. How is it possible that she got more beautiful than she was before.
“We talked about the name thing.” She says after taking a swig of her coffee.
“I just wanted to tell you something.”
“Shoot, but this sentence has not been helpful in our relationship.”
“Shut up.” She wasn’t wrong through.
“Okay, I’m listening.” She says while leaning in.
“I missed you.” I couldn’t even say it without a croak in my words.
Before she could finish we heard a knock on the door.
“I should probably get that.” And she makes her way to the door.
“Hey babe, can I come in.”
Oh shit. Whatever happens next; someone was definitely going to get hurt.