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Kill Me, Love Me

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A Gangsta AU/Original Character fanfiction

Ah, an S/2.

I blinked and stared at a man standing a few meters away from me. He would be the perfect plan, the perfect reason for my death. A high-ranked Twilight killing another low-ranked Twilight was not unheard of. It was common, even. Anyway, I won't be able to win against him in a fight. If I can taunt him, I wouldn't have a problem with my plan.

I picked up a pebble from the street. The jagged end felt so rough against my dirty, scaly skin. I aimed and measured our distance. With one swing of a hand, I  hit him on the arm. He immediately tensed up, ready to fight. He didn’t look around--weird, he should be able to deflect it easily if he truly was an S/2 ranked twilight. Unless he’s blind, that is.

“Oi, monster, you wanna fight?” I shouted.

I could see his eyes glancing in my direction. I hurled another insult, all kind of insult I have endured and stomached throughout my life. I threw another pebble. This time he dodged it perfectly. I saw him looking at me, but his eyes were unfocused. Was he really blind? Then, I have no other option but to come closer and make as much noise as possible. That way he could ‘see’ me, and he could kill me. I pulled a short knife and charged to him.

I did not know how did I do it, honestly. But, the next second I know, I was brawling against him. He yanked me and threw me to the ground like I was a ragdoll. Pain caught me from the back and I cried. It’s fine, it’s gonna be over soon. I got up and tried to punch him, but he caught me by my neck. It hurt. Everything hurt, but that’s alright. It will be over soon. Maybe in the next ten minutes, I will be free.

I gasped for air. I held his hand, but not on his wrist to push him away, but around his fingers to help him crush my airway. That’s nice, that’s nice. It will be over soon. I must have been all smile now.

The grip suddenly loosened. I tried to keep it in place, but he was way stronger than me. I gasped and coughed as the air entered my lung once again.

“You aren’t a twilight,” he said.

“I am just untagged.” my voice was all hoarse. I was still holding to his hand, “if you are worried about the three laws, I am a twilight.”

He looked at me with an unreadable expression. His brows were knotted for sure, but his eyes were so unfocused, I could not read them. It didn’t matter, anyway. What mattered was that my plan is on the verge of getting ruined.

“If you want an order from a human, I am somewhat a human. I want you to kill me. I am a twilight, you are allowed to kill a twilight.” I started to get desperate. I reached for my knife and tried to have him hold it. He slapped it away. Goddammit, at least stab me and leave me to die, that’s fine too. Why are you showing me mercy? Are not twilights supposed to be cruel, monstrous, and merciless? Aren't they supposed to be someone born to kill?

“Nii-san, what’s the matter?” a younger boy came to see us.

“Daisuke, give me a downer.”

“No!” I panicked and tried to prevent him from receiving the medicine but he pushed me down and hold me by my wrists. Tears started streaming down my cheek. I tried kicking but he held my feet down too. I gasped in pain when the man stabbed me on the thigh with the injection.

“No, just kill me, kill me. End me.” I begged as he slowly let go. I pulled his hand and placed it on my throat. Beads of tears traced my cheeks and I couldn’t even speak coherently. “Even if it hurts, it’s okay. Why--why do you waste such an expensive thing on a street rat like me?”

I could feel my consciousness fading away. Their face had started to blur out, and everything else started to darken. I could no longer hold his hand in place.

“Please just let me go. End me, end this pain, I beg you,” I muttered. Then, I lost my consciousness.

It must have been the longest and the most peaceful sleep I’ve had for my entire life. It was dreamless. I was so used to be plagued with nightmares that I had come to hate sleep. Hell, sleep was never a place to escape for me. I could still see my bruises and heard all the yell and insults in my dream. I still felt pain in my dream. That day, though, I saw nothing. I simply floated in complete darkness.

When I stirred awake, the first time I see was my left hand. It was completely wrapped in bandages. My fingers were clean, and I could see something damp and shimmer on my bruises. They smelt like those herbal ointments sold in markets.

Suddenly, the fear caught me on my heart and lungs. I jerked up and looked around. I scrambled to look for the time-- what time was it? Why hadn’t I head anyone yelled at me? Why had nobody dragged me down from the bed yet?

For a second I froze. Ah, right. I was about to kill myself but was too scared to do it on my own. I tried to get another twilight to kill me, but even he took pity on this dirty, filthy street rat. Silly me, stupid me. I should have picked up the remaining courage I have scattered and shattered on the floor to do it myself. Why would he save me, anyway? Nobody would come looking for me even if I died drowning on this city stagnant sewer. Saving me had no merit at all.

I scoffed and looked around. This is definitely not a room I knew of. I was lying down on a sofa, wrapped in a warm blanket. A pillow was nearby, its surface still had the denture on which I must have laid my head. On the table next to me was a glass of water and a piece of bread wrapped in paper. I wanted to drink the water as my throat was so damn dry, but I have learned to not touch anything at all unless it was directly given to me.

The door creaked open and I tensed up. I began clutching on my blanket. I kept my head straight, but my eyes were frantically trying to see who-- what was coming. It was the same Twilight—the blind S/2 ranked twilight who had taken pity on me. His tag swayed around his chest, the metal plate reflected the golden light streaming in from the dim lamp nearby. The light danced on the edges, but I was too busy biting my lips and clenching on my blanket to appreciate the performance.

He walked up next to my makeshift bed. As his figure grew nearer, thousands of possible scenarios flooded my head. He must be mad, he must be mad. I am gonna be a skewered meat. I am going to be screamed at. He raised his hand. At that very second, I cowered and raised my arms to shield myself. I tried apologizing, but they poured out my mouth in muddled mumbles—dammit, stop shaking!

But the yell never came. I peeked from between my arms. The Twilight simply stood next to the sofa, looking in my direction. He didn’t make any eye contact with me. He didn't seem mad. Even as I stared into him, he gave no reaction.

“I heard you, so I came in to check,” he said. “There’s bread and water. Eat up.”

“I…” ah, now he reacted. It seemed like he was really blind. I asked him, “why didn’t you kill me?”

“I have no reason to,” the man said.

Something stung in my chest. I stared at him, then away. I curled up and buried my face in between my knees. Tears had started streaming down my face, dripping off my chin. I sniffled, and it soon grew into a quiet sobbing. I heard him placing something on the table and left the room.

I cried and cried for at least ten minutes. My chest hurt, my nose hurt. I didn't know what to feel. I was chased out by my own family for being a burden, for being a half-twilight, but someone else I did not even know—someone I tried to agitate into killing me now gave me bread and water. I couldn't understand. Why?

I rubbed my tears away and reached for the water. As it traveled down my throat, it tasted so sweet and so refreshing. I looked at the bread. It looked so tantalizing and sweet, but I didn't feel like eating. I could barf if I eat now, and I didn't want to cause more trouble. So I tore my sights away from the bread and looked around the room I was in instead.

"I must leave," I muttered. They would chase me out again anyway. I must leave. I didn't want to be dumped out again, so I must leave. I stepped down and winced when my bare feet touched the cold wood floor. I tried my best to fold the blanket and made the bed. My arms hurt, my back too.

I decided to take the bread and wrapped it in the hem of my shirt. Maybe it would be my last supper. At least, at the very least, it would be the last good memory I can cling to before I returned to dust.

The man did not come to see, nor he tried to stop me as I pulled their front door open to greet the cold, windy weather outside. I saw his shadow lurking around the corner of the room. He knew.

"Thank you," I said before leaving. At least I could show him some manner.

I went to stand at the edge of the city's bridge, looking down on the valley dropping in the center of Ergastulum. The city was quiet and empty. It was probably midnight. I could jump, I thought. I could jump and broke my head and nobody would even come to look for my remains. In this world, I was alone and I was unwanted.

But, I looked down and I saw my hands. One of them was still holding the bread I stole from that blind Twilight and his brother's place, another one was holding on the railing. All the cuts and bruises had been treated. They went through all the trouble to clean me up too—I had never been this fragrant before in my life. Just imagining that made me want to cry again. Was I worthy of all that nice treatment? I wanted to go back there and asked if they would allow me to work there, maybe they would allow me to do just as much. Yet I feared getting kicked out again. I feared that it was just an illusion.

I dropped to sit on the feet of the bridge's railing. I tried eating the bread. It was sweet and tangy, and a little bit salty because I had started crying again. Suddenly I felt like I could go on living. Suddenly I remembered someone once asked me to consider their feelings, to stop being so selfish—and I thought about that. The brothers brought me and treated me. They saved my life. By rights, my life at this moment was given to me, I should not and must not throw it away, right?

I put down the half-eaten bread on my lap and hugged my knee. Ah, I want to see him again. That blind Twilight, I want to see him. He had a really nice black hair and straight jawline. But, am I—am a street rat like I, even allowed to wish for such a nice thing?

I fell asleep sitting down. I guess I was tired of all those fights with my own head.

When I woke up, someone had covered me with a piece of cloth. I raised my head and watched the brown fabric slid down my shoulder. It was somewhat thin, but guess what, it must have prevented me from dying out of the cold.

I sat still in silence. I took a bite of the remaining bread, trying to enjoy each and every bit of it even though my mouth tasted so bland. I thought about everything that had happened within the course of a day. I had decided to die yesterday, but the universe seemed to had conspired against it.

I wrapped myself with the fabric. I covered my head to hide my face. I rose, the half-eaten bread on one hand. Dear stranger, I did not know who you are but, thank you. It was the very thing that made me decided to go on living. I said I wanted to see that blind Twilight again, and I do, but now I wanted to see him and return the favor. It may take years, but one day, I will. One day I will stand next to him and we will be equal.

Now let's see. They say the guild and the Cristiano takes care of stray Twilights, right?