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am I more than you bargained for yet?

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When Patrick said he needed to take things slow, it was with the full knowledge that “slow” was relative and on a constantly sliding scale. That he knew this, and knew the million microadjustments he made to that scale daily, with every interaction and every touch between him and David, was pretty much his only upper hand over David, until now.

He had needed to go slow, starting out, knew he needed to have that one play in his pocket, just to be sure whatever this was between them didn’t burn too hot too fast, consume him. Patrick didn’t want to lose himself in David, he wanted to find himself there.

“Slow” lost meaning every time they were interrupted, and “soon” rose in value.

Every time the doorbell jingled as Patrick was just getting to know the thick lines of muscle that ran up David’s thighs.

The first time Ray barged in just as Patrick’s hand was closing in on David’s crotch, to the second time (surely he will have picked up the hint by now, they both thought) Ray barged in when his hand had finally made it, damn it.

Every interrupted hickey that Patrick griped about and rolled his eyes, then spent hours staring in the mirror later because it was right there for him to see that David wanted to make him his, too.

Every long mundane day at the store and every quick lunch and every stupid joke passed between them that let them see each other a little more, every stolen kiss that made David’s eyes sparkle and made Patrick quiver, had moved the needle in the gauge to where it was now, which was Patrick, somewhat shocked, definitely amused, and honestly a little aroused at this turn of events, as David explained for the third time what happened with him, and Stevie, and Jake.

Patrick had felt a sickening punch in his gut the moment he saw Jake moving in to kiss David, surprising even himself, felt everything tightening, coiling around the place he had made for David thus far, the word mine mine mine flickering a searing path through his brain like hot neon.

Patrick breathed through it, sipped his whiskey, made a quip or two to keep David on his toes and buy himself just a little more time. He breathed and waited as that jealousy cautiously unfurled and laid bare the want and need he had carried safely inside him to this moment.

*

But.” This, Patrick thinks, kissing him for the first and the thousandth time again.

“Lock it up,” they laugh and agree, kissing through it and pushing onward. This, and then only forward.

David teases him, one last silly barb, “you know what, we didn’t even get into your history yet…” and that’s it. Patrick softly shakes his head, turning to stop David from going any further down that road with another kiss, because he’s about to find out just how little that history matters.

“Lock it up, David,” he says with a slow grin, taking David’s neck in his hand and pulling him in where he wants him, David laughing against his mouth and letting himself be pulled.

David feels good. David feels solid and David feels good. Patrick stands and takes both their glasses to set them down, breaking contact as little as possible, turns back to David and pushes his left knee up, maneuvering one thigh and then the other over David’s to straddle him.

“Oh,” David says, a dazed look on his face and a bit of surprise in his voice. “I can, um...let me scoot back,” David begins but Patrick is already on him, pushing him onto his back and crowding over him on the bed. Patrick’s jeans are tight but he’ll deal with that in a minute. He presses David back, one palm on his chest, one behind his neck cradling his head and rubbing wildly at his skull, at the edges of his ears and jaw, at anything he can touch. He wants to touch every single thing.

“Can I..” Patrick half asks, already bringing his hand down between David’s legs, grabbing at a handful of thick fabric and squeezing up, up, up until he knows he’s feeling David in his hand and sighs, not nearly content.

“You can, yeah,” David says, flexing his thighs and shifting back under Patrick’s hands. “Do you want, oh,” David starts to ask but Patrick is already figuring out seams and hems, sliding strong fingers under David’s pants and pulling them down and off.

He wastes no time from there getting right on his knees and getting his face level with David’s black boxers. He rubs his cheeks, his mouth over David, lips working out the shape of him through the soft fabric as David makes soft little sounds. Patrick moans, happy to hear him respond like that, and slips his hands up the insides of David’s thighs, feeling the coarse hair that gradually grows softer as he works his way up.

David sits up, maybe trying to help but Patrick is already moving on, getting a hold of the top of David’s boxers and trying to work them over David’s hips, “off off off,” all he can say and David can’t do much better.

“Yeah...ok, yeah, are you...oh wow,” he mutters as Patrick sits back on his heels and finally takes in the sight of David’s thick cock curving up against his belly. He’s hard and leaking, the head of his cock exposed and petal pink, a faint ridge like a crown where David was circumcised, which Patrick hadn’t really thought about until just now and he hasn’t seen that many that look like his but it’s beautiful. It’s David’s, fuck.

“Oh, fuck, David...fuck,” and he’s not even one for using that word very often but he thinks he’s going to need it, racing through his mind as he settles in, gets closer. He presses his palms against David’s skin, looking at the contrast of his hands on David’s pale thighs and shaking his head softly in awe before he leans in and presses his lips to David’s dick.

David gasps, “oh god, Patrick,” and tries to lurch forward but Patrick just holds him there, darting out his tongue now to just taste, a lick and a flutter of his lips against the delicate skin all he can manage before he has to stop, take a moment to gather himself, and rest his forehead in David’s lap.

“Are you...it’s ok if you want to slow -”

“I’m just. I’m really going to need some time here, David,” Patrick breathes against David’s thigh.

“I know, it’s...what we’ve been doing is fine and you can have all the time you -”

Patrick shakes his head, looks up to meet David’s eyes with his, heavy under fluttering lashes. He licks his lips. “No, David. I’m going to need some time. Here. To do all the things I’ve been imagining doing to you.”

David’s face shifts somewhat in alarm and Patrick spares him just the most minute hint of a smile at one corner of his lips before dropping back down and taking David wholly in his mouth. He feels David tense underneath him, terrified to move and Patrick wants to say it’s ok, you can but his mouth is finally, finally full of David’s cock and he doesn’t have the words. So he just goes to it, does what he thinks, no what he knows, he is supposed to do.

He works his lips and tongue around the shaft, getting everything nice and wet, sliding up and down to give him pressure, friction. He leans back for a breath, working the soft head with his lips and flicking his tongue against David’s slit to see if he likes it.

“Patrick...what…” David whines and twitches under him, fidgets his hands around Patrick’s shoulders, digging his fingers into Patrick’s neck muscles almost painfully until Patrick takes one of those hands and places it on his head, pressing David’s fingertips firmly into his scalp. He wants David to pull, to grab, to take. He’s wanted this for so long and he wants to make it as good for David as he’s ever had.

“Just...yeah, David. You can. If you want. God, I want you to do everything you want,” he finally pulls off to say, raspy and breathy and wiping a bit of spit off his chin before he starts to go right back in for more. He glances up to gauge whether he’s freaking David out but he can’t really help himself, and David’s expression of wonderment and wrecked lust and maybe a hint of concern doesn’t really discourage him.

David bites his lip and nods, digs his fingertips a little harder into Patrick’s skull and angles them back together. “Yeah babe, ok. Suck me. You’re doing so great, just...take it,” David whispers, teeth gritted, and Patrick feels a shudder through his whole body at the way those words make him feel, the way David can already make him feel.

He opens his mouth again, takes him down.

He groans around David, around the feel of the warm flesh invading the back of his throat, around the vague sense of choking but knowing with certainty that David won’t hurt him, that he can go as far as he wants.

David grips, tugs at Patrick’s short hair and starts to make these sounds, these low, growly sounds that rumble from his chest through his whole body until his hips start fucking, just lightly at first but then a little more boldly, holding Patrick’s head where he wants it and fucking up into his mouth and Patrick’s eyes start to water and he loves it, wants to find out every possible way David can make him feel like this.

“Ahhhhhhh,” David breathes out urgently and stills his hips, leaving Patrick gaping for a moment and wondering, until he feels David’s hand on his, stopping him between his thighs where Patrick’s fingers were eagerly slipping between David’s cheeks.

Patrick looks up, confused.

“You’re gonna make me come...” David says, slowing them down. When he’s sure he has Patrick’s attention he takes that hand by the wrist, pulls one fingertip between his lips and sucks it in. Patrick wants to die.

“That’s kind of what I’m trying for,” he replies, bewildered, feeling his skin flush hot as David licks and sucks around his finger, getting it wet and keeping steady eye contact the whole time. David drags the finger from his cheek and mouth, between his lips with a soft pop and Patrick actually whimpers.

David draws Patrick’s finger back down his body, nestles it deep between his thighs and under his balls. “You want that?” David quirks an eyebrow at him and smirks, the asshole.

Of course he wants that. He wants everything. Patrick presses his fingertip just slightly and he knows from the hitch in David’s breath that he’s at his actual entrance and fuck.

“Inside you? Yes, fuck, can I?” Patrick shifts in his crouched position, realizes he can’t feel his feet or his knees and his dick is positively throbbing in his jeans.

David shifts back on the bed like he’s trying to find them a more advantageous body arrangement. “I can’t believe I’m the one saying this but. We don’t have to do everything all at once, you know?” He pulls Patrick up off his feet and toward him on the bed.

“Yeah, but you won’t be mad if we try, right?” Patrick snaps back, grinning through his teeth determinedly, reaching down to finally yank off his shoes. He gets his socks and sweater mostly off before he’s distracted again and kneeling back over David, hands pushing his thighs apart to get himself in between them. He wants to be inside, wants David inside, wants it all. They waited so long for this, they both deserve a fucking medal. They definitely deserve to fuck.

“I didn’t even bring lube,” David fakes a protest, shrugging his shoulders and holding his empty hands up, then falling back on his elbows, smiling up at Patrick, teasing.

“Oh, I did.” Patrick hops up, grinning like a Boy Scout. David’s jaw drops open and stays there, Patrick never breaking their gaze as he moves to grab his overnight bag, sets it on the bed.

“Ok what the actual fuck?” David pushes up on his arms, looks flabbergasted and impressed, then settles into an expectant, easy grin.

“I didn’t know what...what might happen. If anything would happen. Maybe I overprepared?” Patrick suggests, his face the picture of innocence when really he’s thinking about how he should get his tongue into David’s ass before he gets it all lube-y.

“Ok, that’s not really possible. I just kind of pictured this with a lot more, like, tender touches and hand-holding. Mostly on my part. For you,” David offers, arching his eyebrows and waiting for a response.

Patrick looks up from the bag he has unzipped. “Disappointed?” He asks, voice betraying him and pitching up a bit with nerves, though he doesn’t believe he needs to be worried about the answer.

David is bare-assed on the bedcovers and still wearing a heavy black and white abstract splattered sweater that comes almost down to his hips and probably cost half as much as Patrick’s car. He smirks up out of one side of his mouth. “Not in the slightest. Get over here.”

Patrick grabs a fistful of items from his bag and shoves the rest of it onto the floor. He crawls up alongside David’s long, broad body, sets the lube and a probably overly-ambitious number of condoms on the bedside table. David reels him in by the undershirt, runs his hands up Patrick’s back and pulls him almost on top of him, Patrick getting his hips astride one of David’s legs and settling in to kiss him, deep and heavy. David moans into his mouth and bends his knee, bringing his thigh up to rub against Patrick’s crotch, making Patrick instinctively grind against it.

David’s hands slide down his back to the top of his jeans, slip down the inside to palm at Patrick’s ass. “You have to get these off. Like now.” David grins as he breaks the kiss.

“You gonna take this off?” Patrick asks, nuzzling his face down at the neck of David’s sweater, looking for more skin. He sits up anyway, pulls his t-shirt over his head and starts fiddling with the button of his jeans, realizing belatedly that the constriction of the heavy denim might have been the only thing keeping him from coming way too soon.

He squeezes over the swell in his boxer briefs as he wrestles with the jeans and kicks them free, getting a satisfyingly sharp inhalation of breath and an “oh, fuck,” from David. He likes that, Patrick thinks, smiling to himself and keeping hold of his dick through the cotton as he gets back down on the bed.

“You really liked having my cock in your mouth,” David says, low and dirty, pulling Patrick close and breathing in Patrick’s ear. Patrick groans and bites down into his neck, cursing the sweater that’s again in his way, rucking his hands around David’s midsection until he can start to push it up off his body.

Patrick wants to get it off and explore every inch of him, but somehow suspects the sweater will be the sticking point. “Do you want to take this off?”

“Um, yes and no,” David says vaguely, cocking his head to one side and Patrick knows that look and how to counter it.

“I mean, I can fuck you with it on.”

“Oh my god.” David’s eyes are wide with shock but crinkle with delight at the corners. Patrick wants to take him apart.

“I just want all of you, David. I love your cock, I love your ass. I just want all of it. I think I might be really gay?” Patrick rambles, laughing and mouthing along David’s neck, twirling his fingers around one of David’s nipples, sweater be damned.

“Ok, ok, for that answer, yes, I will take it off. I just...I get chilly, and it’s...drafty in here,” David sort of trails off in his explanation but then he’s lifting the huge bulky sweater over his head, finally, and Patrick is going to make him forget every person that ever made him feel insecure about his body.

“Not going to let you get cold, David,” Patrick promises, moving to cover his body with his as David lays back down, chest to chest and hips to hips, and he can finally get his hands on David’s broad shoulders, the muscles in his arms, the groomed dark hair on his chest and belly.

His hands and mouth rove wild, everything he’s been wanting to know and to touch for so long, and David lets him, dropping the nervous chatter and basking in the attention Patrick has been desperate to give.

Patrick sucks his nipples, runs his hand up and down David from his ribs to his navel to the head of his dick, so so happy until David gets one hand in between them and tries to touch Patrick too and it kills Patrick but he has to stop him.

“If you even brush a finger against me I’m gonna come all over you right now and I really don’t want to do that yet,” Patrick apologizes, moving his hand away and refocusing on getting back down to where he had left off.

“Would that be so bad? We have lots of time. We can do everything...lots of times.” David says, sweetly, but Patrick shakes his head, pushes between David’s thighs again.

“I know. Just not yet,” he says, simply, taking David back in his mouth. David relents, and relaxes into it again, Patrick smiling around his cock as he feels it hardening fully, swelling in his mouth. He feels David’s hand on his head again and sucks enthusiastically, licking and curling his tongue as he goes all the way down on David, then pulls back up until just the head is between his lips. He kisses and licks it, reaching with his hand to hold the base, his other hand coming down to roll and gently massage David’s balls.

He pulls off for just a moment, “yep, I am definitely really, really gay,” and notices David’s other hand is tweaking his own nipple, pinching and plucking it as Patrick blows him. He sits up excitedly, noticing exactly how hard David plays with it, keeping one hand on David’s cock at all times as he reaches for the lube.

“Yeah, touch yourself...fuck that’s hot David.” Patrick’s voice cracks and he sinks his mouth back down over him, fiddling with the lube beside David on the bed.

“Here, I can…” David rummages on the bed for it and flips the cap open. “Where do you...here, yeah, ok.” Patrick holds up two fingers and David drips a good amount of slick lube down over them. It’s cool but warms quickly as Patrick rubs the fingers against his thumb, bringing his hand down behind David’s balls, still happily sucking and licking his way around David’s dick. He stops completely, just for a moment.

“Is it ok?” He looks up at David, carefully making eye contact, laying a soft kiss inside David’s knee as he watches for him to respond. David smiles with his whole face and nods with his whole body.

“It is very very ok,” and that’s all Patrick needs to hear before he covers David’s cock with his mouth again and gently presses his middle fingertip into David’s ass until it starts to slip inside. David groans and pushes his hips down, hard, at the sensation and Patrick’s finger jolts as he tenses a bit, but then relaxes and finds the correct angle, sliding into David.

Patrick swallows hard in an effort for breath and to control himself at the feel of his finger fucking in and out of him. “Oh my god, David,” all he can say, looking between his own hand and David’s face, wanting to see more of his reactions.

“The other finger too, you can...I need,” David flails a bit, trying to hump down harder onto Patrick’s hand to make his point but Patrick figures it out, circles his other fingertip around David’s rim first (and oh fuck he really wanted to lick him there first but he forgot - next time then) then works the second finger in alongside the first.

“Fuck, David, I’m inside you, fuck you feel so good,” Patrick babbles, working his fingers in and out of David’s ass, watching his fingers as they reappear and then disappear into his boyfriend (they haven’t even said that yet but oops there it is) because he’s fucking him with them and it’s absolutely amazing. He can’t believe he gets to do this. He wants to do it so right.

“Talk to me, tell me how you.... fuck, David.” David thrusts down with a needy groan, all the answer Patrick needs and he shuts himself up, takes David’s cock back in his mouth, trying to get the wet slide of his lips and his fingers into a rhythm, make it good for David.

David growls and works his hips, finds that rhythm Patrick figured out and it’s working for him, good. He seems to love getting fucked and he’s vulnerable and needy about it and Patrick already knows, he’s in this now. He’s ready for anything that lets him see David like this, really see him.

David’s noises grow urgent, snapping Patrick back to himself, to his fingers, his mouth. “Yeah, just...bend them a little. Like that. Yes like...oh god, and suck, can you suck me,” David croons, and Patrick tries to keep up, gets his mouth around him and sucks him all the way down and swallows around him when David suddenly reaches to grab the base of his own cock and squeezes, Patrick groaning in frustration as it gets released unceremoniously from his mouth.

“Just...fuck. Fuck me, like that. I don’t want to come in your mouth...you might not like it and I don’t wanna...it’s kind of weird?” David says all in a rush, frantically gripping his cock and holding it away from his body.

Patrick nods, “ok, ok David,” and takes over, grabs a squirt of lube and wraps his other hand around David, palms up and down over that soft, soft cock head, stroking him inside and out until he’s writhing against him, gritting his teeth and tensing and it’s the best thing Patrick’s ever seen.

“Come on, I got you David. Come on me, come on my chest if you want,” because he doesn’t really know this one thing but he thinks they’ll figure it out for next time.

David scrunches up his face and Patrick curls his other fingers in a little deeper, feels where he thinks is the good spot and brushes his fingers over it until David jerks his head back and comes, some hitting Patrick on the collarbone, the chest, some running down his hand, and no, that’s the best thing Patrick’s ever seen.

He licks his lips and tries to catch his own breath, tries to watch David carefully and strokes him through it, warm come and lube mixing between their skin. Patrick can’t stop staring at it, at David, gone lax and soft where he is normally all edges and angles. Finally David kind of grimaces and Patrick stills both his hands, gently, so gently placing David’s half softened cock against his belly.

David says “Wow. Wow.” twice and is then quiet, just breathing and coming down. Patrick watches his chest rise and fall and feels completely...overwhelmed. He can’t wait to do this again. He can’t wait to come and he can’t figure out how. He needs to get his fingers out of David’s ass. Everything is harder than it should be in his dazed state.

“David...I’m gonna...I’ll go slow,” he tries but David shakes his head, struggling to sit up on his elbows.

“No just go quick. It’s better,” he says and hitches one leg up a little, maybe to make it less uncomfortable. Patrick nods once and focuses on just this, slips his fingers free. David lets out a heavy sigh and tucks his legs up to his chest.

“Come kiss me before you go wash your hands,” he says, almost bashful about asking, and that’s a lot. That’s different. Patrick goes with no hesitation, his hands held carefully at his sides, covered in lube and come.

David grips his arm, guides him down to his mouth and kisses him lazily, slow and deep, then sends him off with a slap on his ass. “Come right back.”

“I will, David. Promised I wouldn’t let you get cold,” Patrick says as he leaves, even though David is already untucking the rumpled bedspread and trying to burrow underneath it.

*

Patrick sneaks just a taste off his wrist before quickly scrubbing his hands clean in the bathroom sink. It makes him feel dirty how much he likes it. He likes everything and hopes he isn’t freaking David out. He suddenly wants to talk, and like, be there for David, but he needs to come and somehow even the backs of David’s thighs when he walks back into the room look like the most delicious idea.

David turns to look him up and down, slyly quirking his mouth to one side as he looks pointedly at Patrick still in his underwear. Patrick finally hooks his thumbs in the waistband and pulls them off, knowing there’s no way to do that and look remotely cool.

David shamelessly looks him over and nods approvingly, lifts the covers for Patrick to join him. “What do you want?” David asks as if there were one simple answer to that.

Patrick sighs and crawls into bed behind him, arms going around his hips and hard cock nudging in between those perfect, muscular thighs. He strokes his hands up and down David’s hamstrings, rounded muscle and soft black hair, that perfect spot where thighs meet the curve of the glutes, the skin there still shiny with light traces of lube.

“I don’t even...can I...I was honestly just looking at your thighs. God, David I can’t even properly explain...”

“You wanna fuck my thighs?” David turns his head to try to see Patrick and Patrick wraps them up close, twists his head until he can find David’s face and kiss him, weird angle and all. He nods into it, grinning at David’s mouth and shifts his hips back, then forward, just to see.

“Fuck, is this even a...a thing? It feels so good, jesus.”

David pushes his ass back against Patrick, adds to the angle and the friction he’s already getting, and talks into the pillow. “It is absolutely a thing. And you can do it and it’s great and very sexy and safe, but.” David pauses, takes a deep breath and steadies himself before spilling out all at once. “But. And I don’t want to mess with your big plan here but if you want to you can actually be inside me.”

Patrick freezes, runs a hand over David’s hip and tries to get closer, tucking his chin over David’s shoulder to see him better. “Now? After you just...wait you think I had a plan?”

“It’s actually perfect. I’m already ready. I like it, um, right after…and you seem very determined, so. If not an actual plan definitely a...a rough outline.” David’s face is partially hidden in the pillow but Patrick can still make out the smug smirk perfectly.

“My plan was out the window like an hour ago. Fuck, David I’m gonna last like five seconds.”

David stretches dramatically across the bed, flails around by the bedside, then turns back to Patrick triumphantly holding out a condom. He kisses him and drags the crinkly foil wrapper down Patrick’s chest. “So make them the best five seconds.” David fucking winks.

“Oh my god...ok...uh, how do you...no, wait, turn over. Face me, yeah, come here. Kiss me. Kiss me,” Patrick murmurs, feeling like he’s losing his cool upper hand more by the second, if he ever had it. He’s got plenty of experience opening condoms though, so at least that part is smoothly handled, even with David pawing at his chest and looking up at him expectantly.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. I’m very sure.”

“Do you need more…” Patrick offers, reaching back to see how slick he still is but David just shakes his head.

“No. Don’t need anything. Just you. Ok I might need a pillow.”

“Here. Like this?” Patrick says, helpfully choosing a sort of square one to slide under David’s hips.

“Yes. Perfect. Now…” David takes Patrick’s sheathed cock in his hand, thoughtfully thumbing over Patrick’s foreskin through the latex and humming to himself. Patrick grunts ungracefully as David hitches one leg up again, wrapping it around Patrick’s back and guiding his cock inside him.

It’s awkward at first and feels like a lot of pressure, maybe too much pressure, and Patrick is maybe close to panicking when the swollen head of his cock pushes past David’s tight, tight ring of muscle and he’s in him. Only part of the way but Patrick is in him.

“Ohhhh fuck, are you kidding me,” Patrick exhales, breathing hard through gritted teeth and dropping his forehead to rest on David’s shoulder.

“What? Are you ok?” David stills and asks in alarm.

“That’s what you feel like? David I’m gonna fucking die,” Patrick explains nonsensically, laughing into David’s chest to break the tension because he feels ridiculous. He pushes up on his arms to try to steady himself, try to get some leverage. He pushes in a little further, has to close his eyes against the sensation again.

“Patrick, look at me.” Patrick opens his eyes and looks up from both of their bodies, where they’re figuring out how to fit together. He looks at David’s face, and he feels wild for him, feels the stupidest grin spreading across his face, he can’t help it. He sees David’s eyes smiling up at him and he knows he’s so fucked.

David licks his lips. “Hi. You’re doing great. You’re also very, very cute right now, and I would love it if you could fuck me.”

Patrick lets out another long slow breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He nods his head, bending in to kiss David, messy and hard and he fucks him, fucks up into David until his whole cock is inside him and he gasps into David’s mouth, David breaking their kiss with a groan and biting his lip, head thrown back into the pillows.

Patrick braces himself, pulls back as much as he can without messing up their angle, their connection, and thrusts back into David, giving him everything he can because he knows he has about two more thrusts in him, tops.

David holds on tight, wraps his legs around Patrick’s back and grips his shoulders, keeps talking Patrick through it which is both helping and not helping at all but Patrick doesn’t care anymore.

“Love your cock...want it again later, ok? Want it all the time,” David says, babbling and biting his cheek and Patrick fucks up into him once more.

“It’s yours...fuck, David...fuck,” Patrick looks up at him, his eyes glittering and Patrick just has to kiss him, his tongue in David’s mouth and their teeth knocking together kind of awkwardly, and yes, Patrick has one more thrust exactly and he makes it good, David clenching around him and almost yelling, “Come, now. Come in me.” And Patrick does, body seizing up and his face probably contorting horribly but he finally comes, inside the condom yes but inside David, more importantly.

His arms give out and he has to lie on David’s chest, just for a second, he tells himself. He can feel David’s hands sweeping up and down his back, can feel David making soft sounds under him that rumble in his ribs.

He has to get himself together and then he has to deal with the condom but he just wants to stay right here in this moment, this moment where he just fucked David for the first time and he knows, he gets it now: this wasn’t the end of waiting for one thing. This was the beginning of everything.