"Je-sus Christ." You cried, practically pulling the sheets from your king size mattress.
Thor smiled, "Darling, I'd appreciate it quite kindly if you didn't name mythical men during sex."
"Sshh shh." You grab his head forcing his mouth back onto your pussy to which he replied in muffled moans.
"FuUuck meee." You panted as he sucked on your clit, teasing it with flicks of his tongue as he began fingering you. Your clit throbbing against his tongue, was Thor's favorite part of giving head. A sonnet of whines exited you as he pulled out to instead rub your clit with his wet fingers. The thick sap coating his tongue, an indication that you were getting close.
"You taste like you're close, darling. Am I right? Do you wanna cum in my mouth?"
You sat up, nodding energetically, legs beginning to tremble unsteadily, he pinned a thick bicep atop each thigh in preparation, spreading you til you felt a delicious burn.
"Yeees--yeahyeahyeahyeah." You panted.
He groaned flattening his tongue as he dragged across your clit and your whole body felt like it was on fire.
"Fuc--fuck-fuck fuck." You cried, toes curling, nails digging into your headboard, resisting the urge to close your legs around his face, he pinned your hips under his weight as he rode you through your orgasm.
Restlessly you fought, panted, thrust your hips as sensitivity threatened to overtake you, you gasped sharply as he mouthed your clit, "Sto--Thor--" You tugged on his long wavy locks before he got the message.
"Whoops, got a bit carried away there, didn't I?" He chuckled.
"I missed that mouth." You sighed.
"As did I." He kissed your inner thighs before climbing up to meet your kiss, his nose, lips, mustache, and beard evenly doused with your cum.
A cool breeze from the window above your bed chilled your skin with goosebumps as Thor worked your tang into your mouth.
"Would you like to try that thing we discussed earlier?"
"...Oh! You mean--"
"Yes, that thing."
You consented, and he smiled before sitting up and pulling his shirt off.
"I see you still have that body I love so much."
"Ah, yes. I've grown quite fond of my extra body fat. I believe you humans would call me a bear?"
He kicked off his gray sweatpants, then his fitted boxer briefs. Erection fighting against gravity as it tugged at the waistband.
A gusting wind and a slow downpour soon followed and the room felt as if it was electric with tension.
"I love a good thunderstorm."
He pumped his cock which looked to be noticeably larger as a surge of passionate energy consumed him.
You yelped as he crawled to the bed, flipping you on your stomach and grabbing the tops of your thighs, dragging you smacking into him. He spit on his fingers before rubbing across your pussy, gently fingering your hole, adding two fingers, then three.
"Ah, that hurts Daddy." You teased.
"Too bad." He replied gruffly, sheathing himself in a condom, proceeding to slide inside of you.
A bolt of thunder rocked the nearby skies.
You arched into his touch as he leaned over you, his one hand groping roughly over your breasts before resting around your neck.
"I like it when you call me Daddy--"
Suddenly there was a sharp knock at the front door.
Without needing to be said, you both knew exactly who it was and you didn't hesitate to throw a blanket on as fast as possible to answer before she quite literally busted it down.
You cracked open the front door to find an unamused Valkyrie wet with the all consuming rain.
"Queen Brunnhilde, it's an honor--"
"Why are you not dressed?"
"Uhhh, I was about to get in the shower."
She squinted sternly, "You wouldn't happen to be harboring a man in your quarters would you?"
You swallowed hard, "But… men are allowed in Valkyrie quarters."
Brunnhilde tilted her head, arching her brows.
She shoved open the door letting herself into your lovely abode. Nonchalantly, she looked around, inspecting the main room as if looking for something.
"Oh, I have a rug where you can, um... if you could wipe your fee--"
"Thor!" She roared throughout the home, causing you to jump.
She stomped into your kitchen, opening your cabinets, invading your fridge for any sight of the god's poor taste in mortal food.
"THOR!" She shrieked, slamming the fridge door before making a beeline for your bedroom.
O shite you were fucked.
You followed loosely behind her, stopping in the doorway as she flung the pillows from your bed then the bed sheet, tossing your belongings all throughout the room.
"Show yourself! I know you're in here you coward! THOR!!"
At this point, you had truly no clue where Thor could be. Similarly, she stomped out of the room, eyeing you disdainfully.
"Uch, I swear I can smell him on you."
There was a crack of thunder, and in the light of the flash it was revealed to the both you that the blanket you had believed to have wrapped around yourself was in fact Thor's crimson red cape.
The squeak of the shower handle could be heard from outside the door and she looked toward the bathroom, a malicious grimace on her face.
"By the powers vested in me, Brunnhilde, Queen of New Asgard, I hereby summon you Thor Odinson to come and take this ass whooping like a-- "
The door to the bathroom swung open in front of her and there stood Thor, purple towel tied under his stomach, a toothbrush in one hand and a Hulk rubber ducky in the other.
"Brunnhilde! How kind of you to stop by, I see you've met my girlfriend. If you need me, I'll be taking a shower now--"
Grabbing hold of his beard, she yanked him down to make complete eye contact with her.
"Listen to me clearly, your festivities are interrupting my fishing economy. Either drop your theatrical light show, or leave my Queendom at once."
He mumbled a bit deflated, "...It's hard to get in the mood if I don't have some sort or background noise--"
"--Look at you. You haven't seen a pair of clippers in months." She spat.
"You think so? I quite like it. I've been using a locally sourced beard oil."
He looked to you and winked, to which you fervently shook your head, to which she realized and quickly released him.
On the verge of hyperventilation, she backed away, "I despise you."
She swiftly exited your house but not before slamming your front door, threatening to rattle your gallery wall.
"It appears her leadership has made her a softer person. Did you notice she didn't threaten my life?" Thor smiled.
Horrified, your home in shambles, you massaged your temples.
"I swear to God I'm going to get evicted."