Work Header

The Most Hilarious Kidnapping (Or More Like A Fun Break From Mafia Life)

Work Text:

Victor woke up to the sound of a shrill alarm. Which was odd, because he didn't have an alarm.

He slowly opened his eyes. And this was weird. Because despite him being in a sleepy state, he was pretty sure this was not his room.

The room had a high ceiling, with long floor to ceiling windows that displayed a beautiful garden beyond. He was sitting on an uncomfortable wodden chair that faced the wall with a huge TV screen. The walls were plain white and the room was bare of any furniture, with only a fridge stowed in the corner, a microwave and large speakers. Every angle of the room was covered by CCTV cameras whose lights were blinking and Victor knew he was being watched.

But how on earth did he get here in the first place?

Then the memories came back. Last night. He'd been drinking champagne at his favourite bar, minding his own business until something hit him on his neck. He touched his neck and felt the point of a dart, most likely a tranquilizer. Before he could warn his bodyguards his head had slumped on the bar and his consciousness had faded.

And now he was... in a room. A room with a TV. Except he couldn't turn it on because his hands and legs were tied to the chair he was sitting on.
Who knew anyone would dare to kidnap the Russian Mafia boss.


Another voice came from the speakers, this one more timid. "Be quiet, what if he hears us?"

"Stop being such a killjoy, Killjoy, the mike's on."

The other person gasped."Why did you put the mike on? We aren't supposed to talk to him!"

"Chill Killjoy, life's no fun without a risk. You seriously are a killjoy. Who knew the nickname would suit you so well," The Patient cackled evilly. 

Despite being kidnapped, Victor chuckled upon hearing the hilarious conversation. It sounded like the two were good friends, but they had to be total geeks to have nicknames from MCR albums.

"So Mr. Nikiforov, now that you're awake would you like to have breakfast?" The Patient said.

"I'm alright," Victor replied.

"If you're getting bored," The Patient said, "I could turn on a movie!"

It occurred to Victor that his busy mafia life had left no time for him to spare, specially since they were in the middle of an expansion that could increase their profit by tenfold. The last time he had done something for the sake of fun or even gotten laid was months ago. Although he was kidnapped, it seemed like a nice and rare opportunity to watch a good movie or catch up on a T.V. show. It was clear from the behaviour of his captors that they weren't going to hurt him, atleast not yet. Most likely they would ransom him or make a deal with the mafia. And they were professionals who had secured his legs and wrists in such a way that there was no escape. Even his gun, tracker and other weapons had been taken away so he might as well play along with them now. It was for his own benefit after all.

"Phi- Patient really you can't turn on movies for the Russian mafia boss! I mean, come on!" said Killjoy.

"Yes I can Killjoy and I will," Patient said with an evil laugh, and Victor could hear typing from a keyboard.

Suddenly the room was filled with a booming sound and the TV screen was filled with colour as the opening credits of the movie began.

With an exasperated voice, Killjoy said, "What movie did you put on, Patient?" 

Victor could feel Patient's excitement as he said,"Your favourite one, Killjoy."

"Did you seriously just put on The Thieves?!?!!!" Killjoy said in a frantic tone. "We've seen that like ten times come on!"

"Jun Ji-Hyun is literally the best, okay dude, and her romance with Kim Soo-Hyun in this one is the real deal. Like, its My Love From Another Star but instead of fantasy its like crime and that, my friend, is freaking awesome." 

"Do you disagree with my taste, Mr. Russian Mafia Boss?" The Patient asked and Victor could hear from his voice that there was a grin on his face.

"Korean movies are always good," Victor replied, having seen his own fair share of them, "and anything with Jun Ji-Hyun is worth it."

"HAHA SEE YU- KILLJOY ITS TWO AGAINST ONE YOU LOSE!" The Patient shouted loudly. "We are watching this movie okay. It'll also give us time to reflect on our own sinful lives haha."

After watching The Thieves, they began watching My Love From Another Star, The Patient claiming he needed more of Kim Soo-Hyun and Jun Ji-Hyun's amazing romance. Meanwhile Killjoy protested, but always gave in in the end. After a marathon of the K-drama and a delicious lunch comprising of home-cooked Russian dishes, Victor felt more at peace than ever. By this time he'd also figured out much about the duo. While they couldn't reveal much, they were professionals working for the yakuza, martial artist and hacker. They both were hardcore MCR fans and also loved watching K-dramas. The Patient was a hopeless romantic, and lived for K-drama cliches, while Killjoy preferred a greater degree of action with the romance. The two best friends had warmed Victor's heart like never before, and he only wished they could have met another way but with mafia life, that's how it works.

A small stab of pain erupted from Victor's arm. He looked down to see a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his left arm. Before he could give a reaction, his arm went slack as his body responded to the drug.

2 minutes later two hooded figures emerged into the room via a trapdoor on the floor.

"Well, this is it," The Patient quietly said to Killjoy.

"I didn't expect him to be so... nice?" Killjoy said. "Open?"

"Hopefully we meet again," said Patient. "I wouldn't mind working for him."

The Patient took the blanket from Killjoy's hands and opened it to drape Victor in it.

"Goodbye Victor."

Three months later

"What happened about hiring new operatives?" said Victor, addressing the other mafia leaders.

"The yakuza loaned us two operatives. Ever since our alliance they've been keen to win our favour. The two operatives they've sent are some of the best in the underworld, they're an iconic duo. The yakuza claimed we won't need more."

"When are they arriving?"

"You have a meeting with them in an hour."

"Alright. Send me their files before that."


"I'm Victor Nikiforov."

"Pleased to meet you. We are the yakuza operatives sent to fill your ranks."

Victor could swear something was familiar about these two, although he'd never seen their faces before today. But his look of puzzlement was noticed by the darker haired boy and he grinned saying, "I don't think I made a proper introduction. I am The Patient, and this is Killjoy."

Victor was momentarily shocked, but suddenly it made sense. A smile appeared on his face as he said, "Pleased to meet you too. I hope we work well together."