Characters in this chapter:
Sollux was wandering through the remains of a scarred battlefield, when he suddenly heard a noise. He wondered if it was more drones coming to cull him because he stayed out too late or some other dumb law Crocker made up to subdue him because he happened to be the wrong species. The noise got louder and louder, he knew whatever it was, it wouldn't leave him alone. Sollux quickly dashed away, but soon got stopped by a rock, which he clumsily tripped on. In blind panic, Sollux threw a pebble towards the noise.
??? ???: Ow! Hey!
SOLLUX: wh0's there?
??? ???: RelAx I Ain't here t' hArm yA none! I'm just here lookin' for injured Trolls in need of AssistAnce.
??? ???: YA got A mighty shArp Arm on yA for a fellA with two pAtched up eyes.
??? ???: I don't think yA shouldA left the medicAl bAy in your condition.
SOLLUX: n0, i've been like this f0r a very l0ng time and d0n't need any medical assistance.
??? ???: YA hAve?! I'm surprised an oldA fellA such As yAself hAs survived this long under Crocker's regime without the usA eyes.
SOLLUX: y0u learn t0 live with it.
??? ???: YA sure Are A mighty strAnge fellA.
???: ???: Since YA cAn't exActly reAd mA nAme tAg it's SEAKOR.
SEAKOR: Guessin' yA-
Seakor stops mid-sentence as she notices the sign on Sollux's shirt. It's faded and barely visible, but she can just about make it out.
SOLLUX: guessing what?
SEAKOR: Well I'll be! SOLLUX?! YA know ghosts Ain't Allowed the leAve the bAse once A fight is over!
SOLLUX: i'm n0t a gh0st and h0w d0 y0u kn0w my name?
SEAKOR: It's AlwAys such A sAd sight seein' ghosts thAt don't believe they're Actually deAd
SEAKOR: Now come on fellA and tAke off thAt disguise And leArn to live with the fAct yA died A long time Ago.
SOLLUX: d0n’t talk d0wn to me and treat me like I’m an idi0t, and I already t0ld y0u i’m n0t a gh0st!
Sollux sighs and takes off his eye patches.
SEAKOR: W-who did this to yA?!
SOLLUX: multiple pe0ple did, but m0stly myself. d0n’t ask.
SEAKOR: I'm sorry for Accusin' yA of fAkin' yA won't believe how mAny ghosts pull off the fAke Adult Act!
SEAKOR: By the wAy YA cAn put them pAtches bAck on.
SOLLUX: n0, i'd rather n0t be reminded 0f th0se stupid pirate days again.
SEAKOR: Pirate... days?
SOLLUX: a dumb theme i was f0rced t0 take part in with s0me dead vriska and 0ther gh0sts.
SOLLUX: wearing th0se eyepatches f0r s0 l0ng wa-
Seakor’s headphones begin to ring and she strolls elsewhere to take the call.
SOLLUX: y0u still there?
SOLLUX: 0k I’m leaving n0w, thanks f0r ditching me.
Sollux starts to walk away, as he doesn't feel safe standing in one place for long. He also doesn’t feel like listening to anymore of Seakor’s chatter.
SEAKOR: Hey fellA where yA goin'?
SOLLUX: i th0ught y0u left and ST0P talking d0wn t0 me!
SOLLUX: I’m blind n0t stupid!
SEAKOR: Well fellA, I went to tAke A cAll.
SEAKOR: The person on the other side wAs very excited to heAr your nAme!
SOLLUX: they were? i th0ught there w0uld be n0thing t0 be excited ab0ut here.
SOLLUX: especially when they have t0 be subjected t0 y0ur ridicul0us prattle!
SEAKOR: YeAh in fAct, they wAnt to see yA At the bAse!
Sollux is about to decline, but instead gets distracted by a metal clanging noise.
SOLLUX: what are y0u d0ing?
SEAKOR: I'm just Addin' An extrA seAt to mA ride.
SEAKOR: We're An Awful long distAnce Away from the bAse And if we hurry we cAn mAke it for curfew.
SOLLUX: 0k, but i d0n't exactly want t0 c0me with y0u 0r meet wh0ever was at the 0ther end 0f y0ur c0nversati0n!
SEAKOR: But whyevA not?
SOLLUX: because i'm d0ne with being dragged ar0nd by 0ther pe0ple and i'm assuming this "base" y0u were speaking 0f has s0mething t0 d0 with the war.
SEAKOR: Yes it does, but it's sAfer t' come with me An' spend A night over At the bAse thAn get culled by Crocker's drones!
SOLLUX: i'd rather take my chances with the dr0nes than spend an0ther m0ment with y0u.
SEAKOR: P-pleAse Sollux sir! I beg'A yA! Mum KAnAyA wAs lookin' forwArd tA seein' yA AgAin!
SEAKOR: An’-An’ we’re Awful low on men An I know yA’ll mAke a greAt Addition!
SEAKOR: Since yA know mr. VAntAs so well, I bet he’ll put yA in chArge of a mighty big operation!
SEAKOR: Like mAybe yA could be th’ one t’ continue droppin’ bombs Around the stAtues of liberty!
SOLLUX: the what 0f what?
SEAKOR: Missus HArley An’ Mr. Strider did that until he up An’ turned into A row boAt.
SOLLUX: y0u mean r0b0t!
SEAKOR: Don’t be silly fellA, robots cAn’t floAt.
SOLLUX: this is what I deserve f0r staying behind isn’t it.
SEAKOR: AnywAy, pleAse come with me, pleAse!
SOLLUX: 0K FINE, BUT 0NLY IF Y0U ST0P TALKING!
Seakor breathes a sigh of relief.
SEAKOR: Well git up there fellA!
SOLLUX: up where?
SEAKOR: The walking eye.
SOLLUX: why the FUCK w0uld i ever want t0 ride 0n a walking eye?
SOLLUX: let al0ne ever t0uch 0ne!
SEAKOR: Well they're good At trAnsmittin' dAtA to th' generAl and sure As heck more sleAk An' stylish thAn A scuttlebuggy.
SOLLUX: why did i even ask?
SOLLUX: and st0p talking, I’m getting a massive headache!
SEAKOR lifts Sollux into his seat on top of the walking eye and buckles him in.
SEAKOR: YA comfortAble there fellA? Don't wAnt yA tA fAll off while she gets movin'.
SOLLUX: as c0mf0rtable as i can be in this very unc0mf0rtable situati0n.
SOLLUX: AND H0W MANY TIMES D0 I NEED T0 TELL Y0U T0 ST0P TALKING D0WN T0 ME?!
SEAKOR: Wow, yA sure get grumpy mighty fAst!
SEAKOR: Don't worry it'll only tAke two And A hAlf hours t' get bAck t' the bAse.
SOLLUX: 0h lucky me.
Seakor starts up the engine of the walking eye and begins directing it back to the base.
SEAKOR: So how long hAve yA been wonderin' round these here pArts?
SOLLUX: i d0n't kn0w.
SEAKOR: Surprised yA didn't get cAught up in the huge brAwl between Crocker and mr. VAntAs.
SEAKOR: ThAt thAr wAs An Awful terrible spAt.
SEAKOR: Luckily i wAs still a recruit so i never got to see the bAttlefield until a couplA weeks lAter.
SOLLUX: g00d f0r y0u.
SEAKOR: YA seem to be An Awful lucky fellA escApin' th' wAr like thAt.
SEAKOR: No doubt someone like yA must be Light or even Life bound.
SEAKOR: Then AgAin I never wAs too good At ClAsspectin' Studies.
SOLLUX: i w0uld never even 0nce c0nsider myself as "lucky".
SOLLUX: by the way didn’t i tell y0u t0 ST0P TALKING?!
SEAKOR: Well whAtevAr it mAy be, yA sure do hAve A lot of it.
SEAKOR: Say, what kindA music yA into?
SOLLUX: anything that isn’t the ann0ying c0untry bumpkin channel!
SEAKOR: FasinAtin'! Ain't the sunset AmAzin' At this time of yeAr?
SEAKOR: WhAt's your fAvourite color?
SEAKOR: Mine is th’ pink yA see in th’ clouds And I Also like them green streAks too!
SOLLUX: i d0n't like any c0l0rs 0r even remember what they l00k like!
SEAKOR: Now, no need t’ stArt yellin’
SOLLUX: START?! HAVE Y0U BEEN LISTENING T0 ANYTHING I’VE BEEN SAYING?!
SEAKOR: I AlwAys did enjoy th’ feel of a good dAy’s work!
SOLLUX: that literally has n0thing t0 d0 with anything!
After hours of almost non-stop dialogue from Seakor, Sollux grumbled angrily the rest of the way.
SEAKOR: Well, we're Almost At th' bAse frAid this will be fArewell, As my room is in A different entrAnce t' the mAin one. MA colleAgue will show yA the rest of the wAy.
Seakor unbuckles Sollux's seatbelt and he slides right off of the eye onto the ground.
SEAKOR: ThAt first step's A doozy!
SOLLUX: n0! d0n’t help me up 0r anything!
SEAKOR: Oh here she comes now, I'll be on mA wAy now, don't wAnt tA be cAught by th' drones!
Seakor quickly walks off, leaving Sollux on the ground.
SOLLUX: Y0u fucking ditched me again, didn’t y0u?!
Sollux stands up, dusts himself off and hopes that the next person he speaks to won't be anywhere near as unbelievably insufferable as Seakor.