Actions

Work Header

Always Be You

Work Text:

Jimin was happy, Jeongguk was happy, they were happy and good people so why did this have to happen to them? What have they ever done so wrong to deserve this.

Jeongguk still remembers the night when Jimin told him about his illness, the way tears rushed to his eyes then slowly trail down his cheeks when he realised what it meant. They have been dating for almost two years at that time. Jimin never felt the need to tell him about it because he never thought they would even stay together for as long as they did, but when Jeongguk started talking about how Jimin was the man he wanted to marry he knew he had to tell him.

Jimin was sure that Jeongguk would break up with him, if not because of the illness then because he kept such a huge secret from him. There was a moment of silence when Jeongguk didn't say anything but just stared at him with tears escaping his wide eyes.

Jimin told himself that this was it Jeongguk was going to leave him. However, he only received support from his boyfriend and fell asleep in his arms that night, feeling loved and protected.

The young couple became even closer after that night, they promised to never keep anything from each other, to share their burdens with one another like how they share their triumphs. Jeongguk would accompany Jimin to the hospital for check ups and pick up medicine whenever he ran out of them. Jeongguk never wanted to leave his side not even for a single second.

Jimin tried to enjoy every moment he had with him free of worries just focusing on the present, but he could never get rid of the ache in his heart knowing he doesn't have much time left.

 


 

It was a cool starry night when Jimin suddenly started coughing violently in his bed, to the point where he felt like passing out wheezing heavily as he tried desperately to get oxygen to his lungs. 

It was 4am when Jeongguk got woken up by his phone going off, ringing noisily on his nightstand.

It was 4:20am when he finally reached the hospital where Jimin was rushed to. 

Time ticks to 4:23am when Jeongguk came face to face with Jimin's parents, heart dropping seeing the same downcast expression on their faces.

Jeongguk kept his head up as he hugged Jimin's mum who was always like a second mother to him ever since he started dating her son; nodding to Mr Park noticing the faint tear streaks on his cheeks. 

Jimin was awake when Jeongguk entered the room. He was staring out of the window right beside his bed, he requested this layout, he wanted to watch the stars on his last night.

Jeongguk stood in the middle of the room, stopping to look at his lover who looked just like an angel; his angel

Jeongguk held the older's soft and small hand in his, relieved that he at least managed to get his hands to stop shaking. He didn't dare to look up at Jimin's face not wanting to see how deathly pale he is, or the pain in his eyes.

Jimin though had other ideas. He tilted Jeongguk's chin up locking eyes with him fire burning bright behind his own, a small smile on his lips as he squeezes his boyfriend's hand silently telling him that it's going to be ok.

But it wasn't going to be ok, not at all.

Jimin was and is Jeongguk's world, everything he did was for the boy with the crescent eye smile that he fell in love with. Jeongguk couldn't imagine a life without Jimin and it terrified him. Just like he was the rock in Jimin's life, Jimin was the rock in his.

Who will calm down his nerves before an exam, who will tell him he's the best when he feels defeated, who will take care of him when he's sick, who will give him the love he always craved for, who will be his Jimin.

4:40am Jeongguk couldn't stop himself and started to silently sob, head bowed down into their intertwined hands droplets of tears dropping onto them.

Jimin felt tears pricking his eyes threatening to fall but he didn't let them, he told himself he wouldn't cry. He thread his hand through Jeongguk's hair like he always did when comforting the other, but it didn't soothe his cries only made it worse. 

"I-I don't w-want you to go Minie, please please don't leave me please?"

Jimin exhaled shakily, chest physically hurting not from having trouble breathing this time but from hearing the heartbroken voice of Jeongguk. 

"I want to but seems like I overstayed my stay," Jeongguk shook his head at that refusing to accept the reality, mind spinning begging for this to be a nightmare and he'll wake up with Jimin being completely healthy. 

"Remember when you confessed to me after class that day? You were so nervous," Jimin chuckles turning from the window to look at Jeongguk, eyes shining with unshed tears and bitter humour.

"Yeah, I was afraid you'll reject me."

"How could I? I've liked you for so long, I really admired you," Jeongguk knew this he used to tease the older about it, only to get teased back considering how he had a crush on Jimin before he even spoke to him. 

"Gukkie remember the first time I said that I love you? I genuinely thought you were going to explode with happiness."

"I did too. The person who meant the most to me, the person who I love more than anyone else loves me back I was really happy. Jiminie you make me really happy."

Jeongguk gently pushes Jimin's bangs back revealing the beautiful hooded eyes he loved so much and soon he would never be able to see them again. Jimin starts to sing softly, Jeongguk recognises it as Chariot their song. How ironic it was that they were singing that song at this exact time, Jimin was going to meet his chariot without Jeongguk. 

Baby you know that I won't mind

Continue to bother me everyday, blow up my phone I would never mind. I just want to be with you every second of everyday.

If we get no rest, till the sunrise

I'll stay up all night with you, I'll listen to your endless stories about your cat, tell me everything about your day it makes me smile to see the faraway look in your eyes when you talk about something you're passionate about.

Until you make me fall in love again, as light shows your face, I could never be the same

No one can replace you in my heart.

I plan to love you all my life

This kind of love, I'll never be able to feel it again for anyone else. 

Until you meet your chariot

I'll be here to see you off my love, right by your side.

5:11am. The sun rose, painting the sky with pretty shades of red and orange. The light hits Jimin's face turning his eyes golden brown, he smiles taking in a breath suddenly feeling incredibly light like he's not sick at all. Jeongguk smiles too biting his lip not trusting his voice, taking in the picture imprinting it in his memory.

Their hands with promise rings on their ring finger shines brightly under the sunlight pouring in, hearts beating in unison, they shared a final kiss as tears fell free from both boys. 

"I love you."

"I will always love you."

5:12am. Jeongguk's world stopped together with the sound of Jimin's heartbeat. 

 


 

Days, weeks, months, years passed. Jeongguk still couldn't stand looking at Jimin's picture without breaking down. He never went to sleep without tear stained cheeks. He felt like he was dying.

Miraculously he managed to graduate University with the help of his family and friends, but was unable to keep a proper job.

A whole four years after Jimin's death Taehyung and Yoongi finally managed to convince him to attend therapy sessions seeing as how he wasn't getting better, they were tired of watching him throw away his life.

A couple of times he even tried to pick a fight with them, saying they don't understand how he feels because they still have each other; together and well. It especially hurt Taehyung to hear that since Jimin was his best friend since they were toddlers, Jeongguk broke down right after he realised what he said and gotten a beating from Yoongi. 

Jeongguk knew Jimin wouldn't want him to be like this, he would have wanted him to make something of himself to be the artist they've always talked about at night. 

The first day was tough, thankfully Taehyung agreed to go with him at least he wasn't alone. He found comfort in sharing his story with others and hearing their stories too, and so a little after going to private therapy he started going to group therapy. That's where he met Haewon.

Jeongguk had just finished his session and was walking out of the centre when he saw her crying sitting on the steps in front of the building. They sat there all night talking about their late partners, empathising with one another understanding the pain all too well.

Perhaps that's what brought them together, they found comfort in each other they felt a little glimpse of how it was when their significant other was still alive and they didn't want to lose that.

A close friendship bloomed beautifully into a relationship. Haewon couldn't care less that Jeongguk's previous partner was male, she liked him for who he was just as he liked her. Their relationship was built on their mutual respect and understanding for the other. They knew that no one would be able to replace the person who lives in their hearts, they understood that but they also knew that in order to move forward they'll have to move on. That's exactly what they did.

Jeongguk always dreamt of getting married and having a family of his own, he wanted to be a husband and a father. Up to the day he lost Jimin he had always thought without a doubt that he would be the one he does all those things with one day. Haewon was already engaged when the accident happened which took her fiancé away. 

Time passed quickly and though it never got easier, it helped that they had someone there. Jeongguk no longer spent his day wallowing in sorrow going through the things that Jimin left at his house and going to sleep alone in his cold bed. He doesn't quietly break down on his own and hold back his cries of anger and sadness. Jeongguk was being heard and felt loved again.

After being together for three years, Jeongguk and Haewon decided to keep their dreams alive and got engaged. 

 


 

Today is the day Jeongguk had been waiting for since he witnessed his aunt and uncle getting married when he was eight. 

They wanted it to be small, just family and close friends, in the church where Haewon was going to get married in years ago. To say Jeongguk is nervous was an understatement, he dreamt of Jimin the night before; he was smiling he was happy.

It made him confused but also relieved, he feels that maybe it was Jimin telling him that he has his blessing. 

"Guk are you ready?"

Jeongguk tears his gaze away from the mirror in front of him and faces his brother's worried gaze. 

"Yeah I'm ready," he's not but he will be.

Jeongguk's brother, Junseo leads him out to the front of the aisle where his parents are, his mother softly telling her husband her worries looking around anxiously. Jeongguk suddenly stops walking, he could feel the promise ring Jimin gave him burning in his pocket. 

Is he making a mistake?

He feels his chest start to tighten and tears forming in his eyes the more he thought about it, the more he thought about him.

Noticing that his brother is no longer walking by his side, Junseo stops in his tracks too turning around throwing Jeongguk a questioning look. Out of the corner of his eye Jeongguk catches a glimpse of what looks like Jimin staring right at him, but as soon as he saw it, it disappeared.

Coincidentally just as he readjusted his focus back to the altar in front of him a voice popped up in his head, Jimin's voice. 

"It's ok."

Jeongguk closes his eyes trying to hold back his tears, heart still relentlessly pounding hard against his chest. He has thought about this for a long time, he wouldn't be going through with it if he didn't want to do it but he can't help feeling like he's betraying Jimin. 

"Jeongguk?" his parents turns around upon hearing their other son's voice calling him.

The second his mum's eyes met his Jeongguk felt a sense of comfort and understanding, she was by his side through that morning and at the funeral she knows how hard this is for him regardless of the fact that he has in a way learned to let go of Jimin. 

Jeongguk's mum slowly walked towards her son, gently taking his trembling hands in her warm ones thumb caressing the upper side of his hand just like how Jimin used to. Jeongguk knits his brows together trying to push these thoughts away from him. 

"You don't have to do this if you're not ready baby, Haewon will understand," Jeongguk snaps out of the internal battle he was having with himself as his mum tries to console him.

It's been 10 years since he had lost Jimin, 10 years since he experienced the worst heartbreak of his life, 10 years since death literally made them part. It is time to move on, Jimin would want him to, Jeongguk wants to. He lost and he mourned, he can't let what happened stop him from creating a better future. 

 


 

Jimin sits beside his parents who ended up accepting the Jeon's invitation to the wedding and were seated next to them. Jeongguk looks handsome, he has always looked good in a tux.

This isn't the first time Jimin have been in his presence since he passed away that morning, no he has always been by his side. Jimin was there when Jeongguk broke down outside the hospital room, he was there at his funeral, he was sitting right in front of him when Jeongguk started sobbing on his bed that first night without him. 

Jeongguk couldn't move on and so Jimin couldn't either. 

Jimin never wanted Jeongguk to be held on him for the rest of his life, he wanted him to let him go to find someone else who would make him happy. It took many many years of watching silently in sorrow before he saw a little bit of hope, the day when Jeongguk and Haewon met. The day the new pair agreed to get married was the day Jeongguk and Jimin genuinely smiled in ages. 

Jeongguk stands at the top of the aisle head in a mess but one thing is clear, today is the day he'll finally start a new life. 

Jimin watches with sad eyes looking back and forth from Jeongguk to Haewon who's walking down the aisle in time with the same song he thought he would be walking down the aisle to, getting married to the love of his life. He is happy for Jeongguk, he really is but of course he loves him and wishes it was him he was getting married to. 

Haewon has a beautiful smile on her face, eyes crinkling up causing them to form crescent like shapes similarly to Jimin's own eye smile. Cheeks naturally rosy pink, heart shaped face, high cheek bones, full lips with a little tint of pink, long flowy hair ending mid back a simple yet elegant hairstyle, minimal make up just like Jeongguk likes it. Frankly, she looks a lot like Jimin. 

Everything was going well up till the vows, the two decided to say their own vows wanting it to be as personal as possible. 

"I was broken, and was trying to desperately fix myself when we met. I was in pieces and lost in grief. When I first locked eyes with you, for the first time in years I felt like maybe everything was going to be alright. You understand me, not only because you had lost someone too but also because we went through the process of healing together. We cried and laughed together, we learned how to live without our other half together and I will always be grateful for that." 

Jimin doesn't shift his focus from the soon to be wed couple, he doesn't look away when he starts to cry, he looks and listens at the same time as his heart breaks all over again. 

"Jimin...he was my life, he was my whole universe. I would never forget him and the love we shared, I would like to think that he knows that and he's watching me right now. Him and I both know that I would never completely stop loving him," Haewon breaks eye contact with Jeongguk for a second to wipe the falling tears from her eyes before smiling slightly at him, urging him to continue.

"but this is a new chapter in my life, a start to something new and uncertain but also exciting. I am relieved to be taking this step together with you, Haewon. I promise to take care of you, to be here every step of the way, through thick and thin I'll be here supporting you just like you have supported me. I hope we'll be able to fulfil each other's dreams and have a brighter future together."

 


 

Jimin doesn't stay after hearing the vows, he bid goodbye to his parents and his best friends before leaving. He knew he would see Jeongguk here, they always came here when they were either happy or upset.

Just as he had predicted not too long later Jimin heard familiar footsteps walking towards where he sat. Jeongguk sits beside Jimin on the bench which overlooks the whole city of Busan. It was silent, both boys just admiring the view ahead with millions of thoughts running through their minds.

Two hearts still combined as one but can't ever be together again. How did they get here? Two ordinary boys just living their lives in bliss finding love and joy in each other, only to have it snatched away from them in a second.

"Minie do you see me? Are you hearing me?" Jeongguk starts, "It's Jeongguk...baby I miss you."

Jimin ghosts a hand over his lovers, a strangled sound escaping his throat when he couldn't feel the warmth Jeongguk's hand always brought. 

Baby I'm here, I'm here.

"I got married today, were you there?"

I was there.

"Jimin I really m-miss you. So much, every single day I miss you. I want to see you again, I want to hear your voice again."

Jeongguk starts to cry, not to usual silent cry that he would put himself through at night but loud heartbreaking sobs that echoed through the empty space. Every sharp intake of breath he took pierced Jimin's heart deeper than the previous, he just wanted to comfort him and it pains him knowing he's not able to. Jimin looks down at his hands on his lap helpless and hurt. 

"I hope you're doing well and is happy wherever you are, that's all I've ever wanted. I hope you're ok." 

Jimin sees Jeongguk slowly sit up straighter, wipe his tears and stand up with a strong aura surrounding him. Jimin too follows him and stands next to him feeling like this really will be the last time he'll get this close to Jeongguk. 

"You'll always be in the middle of my heart. No one can replace you, in life or death it'll always be you. Park Jimin I will always love you."

But I have to move on. I'm sorry.

Jeongguk didn't have to say the words, Jimin knew. 

You have nothing to be sorry about. 

"Jeon Jeongguk I love you. Goodbye."

Jeongguk hears a whisper and turns to his side but with a gentle breeze Jimin was gone.