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Tim Drake’s Adventures In Customer Service

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He did it! He fucking did it! After six months of tracking them down and two separate trips Japan he's finally in possession of life-sized Eren Yaeger and Levi Ackerman statues from one of his top 5 animes of all time, Attack on Titan (進撃の巨人).


I mean sure it costed almost thirty thousand dollars, but it's not like he needs the money.

Yeah, it's in his savings for college, but it's not like he's gonna go to college anyways. He doubts he'll even finish this year of high school.

Maybe he could drop out? Or graduate early, his mom might kill him if he drops out. But now's not the time to fret, he'd order the statues and they'd be here by the end of the month. 

This calls for celebration! Maybe Kon could come over for a week?

He pushes himself away from his desk, the wheel catching on a sweater sitting on the floor. His center of gravity is completely thrown off and he’s face to face with his dirty carpet before he could process anything.

Hnng, that's apparently where his favorite sweater went.

He reaches up onto his bed to grab his phone, deciding that staying on the floor for now would probably be his best option. He and gravity frequently don’t get along. 

He pulls up the chatroom that just he and Kon were in, they still text through here even though they’ve got each others numbers now. It was force of habit and they always have at least three conversations going on at a time. 


He scrolls to the bottom of the char before entering a new message. 


Boy Wonder
hey what're you doing 
this weekend? >:)))

Boy Wonder
isn't like thursday your
last day :) 

Boy Wonder
wanna com e over??

Boy Wonder
i'll buy the plane ticket

Boy Wonder

Boy Wonder
we can go 
see jurassic world 

Boy Wonder
and watch
the new season
of hq!

Boy Wonder
speaking of anime!

Boy Wonder
STATUES !!!!!!!!

Super Boy
tim it's 2am??

Super Boy
but like timezones
so it's 3 for you?


Super Boy
but yea i'll ask
ma & pa tomorrow


Boy Wonder




He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he must've at some point, because next thing he knows, he curled up on the floor, with one sock on and his blankets are hanging half on his bed and half on him.

The blob at his doorway kind of looks like his dad so he's not too worried about that. He smacks his hand along the carpet trying to find his glasses, he pushes them on and looks over again.

Jack Drake stands in his work clothes, looking as angry as Jack Drake is capable of looking. Which is surprisingly terrifying for, well, Jack Drake. 

Janet was by far the intimidating one in this family. A beautiful french woman, with a thick accent when pissed, standing tall at 5'9 and never seen without 6 inch heels. She's a powerful rich bitch, and she looks like it.

As opposed to her soft-spoken kind husband who was still nice when he was being brutal over business, Jack's the parent you go to if you want something, your chance of success has increased by 30 percent. He was nice, but he also took no shit, barely taller than his wife standing at 5'10.

Which brings the next variable to the Drake family, who had the intimidation skills of a baby kitten. (Actually their cat is more intimidating than Tim.)!Tim Drake, barely 5'5, lanky, and his only intimidation tactic is sarcasm and swearing, which isn't as effective since the braces. No body shuts the fuck up when it comes out like "thhut the phuck up".

So, with his dad is staring at him like he just murdered his first born(a maine  coon named 'Maru' he’d gotten just before they discovered Janet was pregnant.) he was rightfully scared.

He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen his dad angry. He could count on one finger he’s seen his dad angry, including this time. 

"Timothy Jackson!" Oh shit, Tim sits up startled going over everything he's ever done wrong his life, does he know it was him that actually peed on the floor when he was three and not Maru? Did he look at his internet history?, "What the absolute fucking shit do you think you're doing?"

"Sleeping," He whines, the words drag in his mouth, he's never heard his father swear, what the fuck did he do? He'd prefer his mother yelling to this. 

"Would you like to explain why I got a call from the bank asking to confirm the purchase of thirty fucking thousand dollars on an anime figurine?" 

"Uh, no..." He says sheepishly, and gives him an awkward smile, "I mean, it wasn't actually 30,000 dollars, it was 14 thousand a piece, so that's only like twenty eight plus like shipping and stuff. And like, and I mean it's technically my mone-" 

"For college, Timothy!" Jack shouts, and then sighs pinching the bridge of his nose, "That's it, You're cut off. I thought it would be fine if I let you get away with it for awhile, but what part of you thought thirty thousand fucking dollars was ok?" 


"That was a rhetorical question Tim." 

"Can I at least keep them? I mean I already made the purchase?" He asks giving his dad his best puppy dog eyes, even though that hasn't worked since he was six.

"No, you didn't already purchase it, I cancelled it. you're cut off kid." Jack Drake says giving his son a stern look, "You're lucky they called me and not your mother."

A chill went down Tim's spine, hell hath no fury like Janet Drake. Scenarios of his mom throwing away his entire collection and other forms of her “creative punishment” flittered through his mind. In one, she gets him a physical trainer who’s offensively straight that calls Tim “Bro” every three seconds and is rightfully offended by how out of shape he is.  

"What do you mean by cut off? Like no more big purchases?"

"No, no big purchases, no Netflix account, no crunchyroll whatever the fuck that is," His dad sighs, " No gas money, no whatever the fuck else you're using my money for. If you want something you're buying it yourself. You're getting a job."

"Right, ok, I can do that." He nods in understanding, even though he's thinking over ways he can un-cancel the purchase and keep his subscriptions. 

"Good. You're still grounded though. All summer." Jack goes to close the door with one more disapproving sigh. 

"Wait, dad!" He pauses, "Can Kon come over this weekend?" 

"I just said you're grounded and cut off. That's a no." 

"But I already bought the plane tickets," he didn't, "and they don't refund." they do. 

"Fine," He leaves with a huff, probably thinking over what the fuck he did in his past life that his life turned out like this. 

"Thanks dad!" Tim shouts to the closing door. 

Now, a job? How the fuck does he get one of those? Hmm, maybe it'll be like the Devil is A Part Timer. 


Tim had almost completely forgotten the conversation days later, yeah he was still technically “grounded” and his dad did cancel his crunchyroll account, but his mom also uses Netflix so he’s at least got that going for him. And Tim, may or may not have his mother’s credit card in case of emergencies. (About to run out of gas, need a tow truck, new comic books y’know, emergencies.) He’s on the way to the airport to pick up Kon when he sees a sign through squinted eyes in prescription sunglasses in the window of the new Target at the mall. 

New Store : Now Hiring.


Yeah, he’s totally got this job thing covered.