Sex was not worth this.
Not having done it at the mature age of thirty-two was a matter of some embarrassment to Ben. It didn’t plague him now as often as it had when he was in high school or college, but still. It nagged at him from time to time, in a little voice that sounded like Snoke’s, calling him a loser and a failure and disgusting. Ironic, since it was Snoke who told him love, sex, and relationships were for fools and animals, that women would only hurt him.
Still, one night couldn’t matter, surely? He only had to do it once to not be a- a virgin anymore, and then he could go back to work as if nothing had happened. He would know, he would in fact have carnal knowledge, but Snoke never would. Snoke would be none the wiser, and Ben could pat himself on the back for graduating into the confident adulthood the rest of the world enjoyed.
This, however, was surely not the best way to do it. This was a moment of madness. It had seemed like the height of efficiency. No need to go alone to some strange bar and hunt down a willing female with all the absence of skill of the complete novice he was. Instead he had signed up to a speed dating night specifically for virgins looking to lose it.
It was called First Time Speed Dating. Obvious but discreet enough that, if anyone asked, the line was that it was just for speed dating virgins, people who hadn’t gone speed dating before, not virgin-virgins. Probably because it would be full of creeps if everyone knew.
Ben had no high hopes for his partner. He had realistic expectations. God knew he was no catch, a thirty-two-year-old virgin, big but not cut (everyone expected him to have an eight-pack for some reason), awkward both physically and verbally with a record of insulting people and breaking things. Sometimes he thought of himself like a liger, a product of two species that should never have reproduced, and consequently some vital gene was missing and the result was… him. Everything about him was too big, cartoonishly over-sized like Mr Potato Head. It had taken him too many years to think of growing out his hair to cover his ears. He only ever wore black because he didn’t trust himself and couldn’t be bothered to be fashionable, so he got funny looks May to September and most people assumed he was a funeral director.
He could only imagine who he would be paired up with, what kind of people would be in attendance at a gathering like this. Ugly people, that was obvious. Maybe people who had lived strict religious lives and fallen off the wagon? People who had been in comas? Ben didn’t know. He didn’t know what his story, what his excuse, was going to be. He’d been even more cripplingly shy and awkward with lower self-esteem in high-school and going into college. By the time he graduated, he’d had a job offer from Snoke, who’d made it pretty clear he expected total dedication from his employees, to the exclusion of any kind of social life.
And now here he was, sitting alone at a table in a faux-Italian bar-café that had been rented for the occasion. He was early, damn him. He sipped his water, trying to make it last, trying not to look nervous as he stared out of the window, determinedly ignoring anyone else sitting alone at a table. The host would organise who would sit with who and when, which Ben appreciated. At the moment, the host stood at the podium in front of the door, ready to check people in.
Ben had paid thirty dollars for this.
Cheaper than a hooker, he supposed.
This was just a one-night stand, he told himself. He wasn’t paying for it. It was no different than meeting someone at a club with a door fee.
He was grateful it was winter and full dark outside despite only being 8pm. It was raining too. The streets were empty, and the raindrops on the window lit up red with every car that hissed past.
A woman jogged through the rain towards the restaurant, holding a newspaper over her head to protect her hair. She was wearing a skirt with heels, and her coat cinched tight at the waist. Ben couldn’t see her face, but he thought she must be young and pretty. She surely had her life together. She wouldn’t need this.
When she pulled the door open, he straightened in his seat. The host stepped forward to meet her.
“Are you here for the event?” he asked, welcoming.
She lowered the newspaper, shaking herself out, a smile on her face.
Oh fuck. Oh no. Oh Jesus Christ, please no.
Ben’s eyes widened and he whipped his face back towards the window, shaking his hair out to try to hide his face as he sunk lower in his seat.
He recognised her. He couldn’t place her exactly, but he knew they’d met. She was… She was friends with Poe? No, Poe’s boyfriend. She’d been at their housewarming a couple of months ago, and the Christmas dinner. What was her name?
Rey. Ben remembered because he’d found it interesting, and because Poe talked about her sometimes.
This. Could not. Be happening.
She couldn’t be here for the event, as the host put it. She must just be sheltering from the rain in what she thought was an open café. The host would send her away and that would be it. Ben would go back to waiting for an introduction to an unattractive, probably bizarre stranger he would get naked with and put his dick into, and then happily never see again.
Her voice was nice, soft. Ben watched their blurry reflections in the window. He couldn’t make out her words, but from the tilt of her head, and the way the host checked his clipboard, it looked like she was checking in. The host smiled and gestured her down the aisle.
Ben tried to make himself small. If only he had a menu he could unfold and use as a shield.
She got closer as the host directed her to a table. Ben heard the moment she recognised him, her small gasp.
He considered not reacting, honestly he did. Maybe he could pretend to be someone else, someone deaf, or blind.
Rey slid into the booth opposite him and he had to face her. She waved off the host. “It’s okay, we know each other.” She was grinning. She was dazzling, in fact. She made Ben feel extra plain and oafish in comparison. She really was radiant.
The host glanced at Ben, then left them to it with a polite smile.
“Are you here for the event?” she asked, repeating the host’s words. “The, er, speed dating thing?”
He tried to read her hazel eyes. She had lowered her voice, as if it was a secret. She looked pleased, beyond happy to have found him, but there was an edge of disbelief. That incredulity was what he was expecting. She was ten years younger than he was, it was alright for her. Less so, for him.
He considered lying, acting confused as if he’d misunderstood then bailing. But she was here. She had explicitly said – not to him but it still counted – that she was there for the event. She was on the list.
Rey was a virgin, and she wanted to have sex tonight.
And Ben… Well, Ben couldn’t do any better than her. Not at this event or anywhere else in the world. At the moment, he had a chance, a slim chance, of having sex with a beautiful woman who he wouldn’t have to explain his situation to, who would be just as inexperienced as him.
He gulped, fiddled with his glass, and nodded.
The sceptical look in Rey’s eyes grew stronger and she gave him a once over as if sizing him up. “Wow. I would not have expected that. But hey, it’s not like I can talk.”
Ben shrugged. His ears were burning and he knew he must be blushing but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. He had some more water, hoping it didn’t run out and leave him with nothing to do. He looked out of the window again, at the red raindrops and slow crawling cars. He couldn’t face her.
Rey sat forward in her chair. She hadn’t taken her coat off yet and Ben wondered what she had on underneath, what she had worn to this pyre of V-cards, to her deflowering. Ben gave himself a mental smack. It was words like ‘deflowering’ that had contributed to his virginity all these years.
“Do you want to get out of here?” she whispered, a conspiratorial smile twisting her glossy red lips.
“Do you want to just go? I mean, with me?” She dropped her eyes then and bit her lip – like a glacee cherry – and Ben realised she was… unsure.
She wanted to leave. No, she wanted him to leave… with her. Because… Probably because it was so embarrassing they had seen each other here. He could think of no other reason. It was a good one. He couldn’t imagine flirting, or whatever was expected of him, knowing she was there somewhere. Knowing she was doing the same thing. Certainly all other women would be ruined for him tonight, and if she left with another man, Ben couldn’t promise he would be above tripping the lucky cunt on his way past. They could consider the thirty dollars just an unfortunate loss, and retain their dignity.
Ben nodded. Really, any excuse was enough to get him out of this iron maiden of a situation. “Sure, yeah, good idea.”
Rey grinned, her lip slipping from between her white teeth, the gloss scraped off in that one spot. “Great,” she said.
She pushed up from the table and held her hand out to him. Weird, he wasn’t a child, but he also wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity to – God, he was pathetic – hold hands with a pretty girl. She pulled him to the front of the restaurant and nodded at the host as they passed.
“We’re going to go. Consider us your first success!” she laughed.
Even bailing on someone’s event, she was beautiful and friendly and everything he wasn’t. Ben just followed in her wake. The host blinked, looking wrong-footed, but who cared about him, really?
It was still raining outside. Rey didn’t have her newspaper anymore. She held her hand up to shield her eyes and pulled him into a jog across the road, shouldering into a door. It was a hotel lobby.
“Is this alright?” she asked.
“Uh, sure,” he replied. Was she staying here? She wanted him to walk her back? It had only been across the road but-
It hit him like a cartoon piano, crushing him instantly. He was in a hotel, with a woman he had met at a hook-up event. This was it. The it. The it he was going to do, he was going to do it, they were going to do it, he and Rey were going to- Rey wanted to- with him-
And he hadn’t fucking realised. God, he was such a virgin.
Rey smiled and walked away from him to the reception desk. He stood rooted to the spot. Panic flooded him, or it might have been lust since it seemed to originate in the groin area. He checked his breath. He combed his fingers through his hair. He reminded himself where he had put the condoms; two, in case one tore.
Now was his chance to act cool. He could salvage this. His pride demanded he salvage this somehow.
He swallowed, and went after Rey. He put his hand on the small of her back. Very cool, even if his palms were sweaty, his hands were shaking, and her coat was wet and cold.
“Let me,” he said, pulling out his wallet. Rey smiled at him as she filled out their details onto a small form. The receptionist wordlessly offered him a card machine. It wasn’t cheap, but he could afford it. It was only money, and he had a lot of it with nothing to spend it on. Again, he reminded himself this was not paying for it, just the room, because he was the man. Possibly even The Man. His bank account was the sexiest thing about him after all, best to make liberal use of it. He was so rarely the man. Snoke’s office was a complete sausage-fest, except for Phasma, who could only be called a man-eater if it was being used literally.
Rey got the keys, and Ben wondered if it was some kind of act of female solidarity that the receptionist had given them to her and not him, even though he had paid. Well, no matter. They were going together after all. They would be sharing the room, the bed, and probably not for the whole night. This was functional.
Rey led him to the elevator and they rode up in silence, sneaking glances at each other. On their floor, they were initially disoriented by the corridor of identical doors, artificially homey, like the same three feet of a grandmother’s house repeating on a loop, but they managed to find their room. Rey unlocked the door and let him in first. He went to stand in the middle of the empty space while Rey shut the door and took off her coat.
He watched like it was a strip tease. Her skirt was practical, black, for an office job. Her sweater was cream, soft, and so thin and tight he could see the notches of her bra straps and the cups where her breasts didn’t quite fill them. Her arms looked so thin, her stomach flat, her waist narrow. She was like a model. Ben felt dizzy. This was going to be like a mule trying to have sex with a swan. He sat on the bed before his legs gave out, rubbing his palms on his thighs to dry them.
“Thanks for doing this, Ben,” Rey said, her voice so soft it was almost a whisper. She stepped out of her shoes and turned to him, walking closer. “It’s a relief to… to…”
He forced his eyes up to hers. “To?”
“With someone I know.”
“Oh. Sure. No problem.” She was thanking him? He must be dreaming. He was stiff as a board, except for his cock which was as soft as a kitten with fear.
Rey stood at the end of his knees and put her hand on his shoulder. Was he supposed to do something? “How far have you gone?” she asked. “Before?”
Oh, God, that was the question, wasn’t it? He cleared his throat, or he tried, because it was full of rocks. “Blow- Blowjobs. Years ago.” He wasn’t going to tell her how many years ago (twelve).
She smiled like an angel or a nurse or a kindly prostitute, this woman who was going to take? end? his virginity, as if he could cry, puke or piss himself in front of her and she wouldn’t mind.
She hummed, looking up as if she needed to search her memory. “I’ve gone down on a guy and been fingered a few times.”
His dick hurt as it made a handbrake turn from fearful to suddenly very interested.
“Oh,” he nodded. “That’s cool.” She must be able to tell, she must, how nervous he is. He must be fucking this up. She must be regretting this. She must think he’s pathetic, slimy, like pudding in the shape of a man, weak-
“Do you want to kiss?”
He nodded too quickly and she smiled, bending down to him. Her lips touched his, soft, and he realised she was nervous too and managed to relax a little. Kissing, at least, he had done. Not for, again, years, but it was like riding a bike. He couldn’t say he liked his mouth exactly, but he’d never had any complaints and that was good enough for him.
He put his hands on her hips. That was a normal thing to do. He could smell her hair, the scent strong from the rain. Rey smelled like- like- fabric softener and make-up and moisturiser and soft, soft, soft. Girl things. He was getting hard. He hoped that was alright. He’d always wondered when was the right time to get hard? Not too soon, surely, but not too late either. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t interested, but… Rey was going to see his boner, the embarrassing tent in his pants. She was going to see his dick, and balls, and maybe his ass, Christ. He forced himself not to think about that, focusing on what he was doing instead, gentle, reassuring, testing, chaste kisses against each other while he tried to angle his nose away from her cheek.
He heard fabric sliding on fabric, and the angle changed as Rey straddled his thighs, sitting on his lap. He pulled away to look and choked, making a noise it would be charitable to call a groan. To fit his legs between hers, Rey had pulled her skirt up to her hips, and he could see the tops of her stockings, and a small silky patch of the black underwear she was wearing.
He literally could not tear his eyes away.
He had a woman, this woman, this beautiful woman in his lap. Look at him now! “You are so fucking… hot,” he garbled.
Rey laughed breathlessly, taking it well. “Thank you.”
He stared at her panties as if her cunt was a magnet and his eyes were nails. “You won’t tell Poe, will you?” Heaven knew why that came out of his mouth at that moment, except maybe that this was increasingly looking like some kind of set up, it couldn’t possibly be real.
He wasn’t looking at her face and didn’t catch her tone when she said “No,” after a second’s pause. She fiddled with his collar. “Will you take your jacket off?”
His hands snapped to rip his jacket off, dropping it on the floor. They slowed as he unknotted his tie. She hadn’t asked him to do this. It made it that bit more real. He glanced at her face, making sure she hadn’t changed her mind, and caught her running her tongue across her bottom lip as she watched his silk tie run from under his collar. He thought that was a good sign, and moved onto unbuttoning his shirt, starting at the top. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath, and he slowed self-consciously as he got past his collar bones.
Rey saw what was happening and took over, her hands jumping to his shirt even as they shook, fighting the buttons through the holes. Ben leant back on his hands for a more flattering angle. He would look confident, and there would be no stomach rolls. He tried not to blush as Rey spread the halves of his shirt, her fingers brushing his chest, baring his torso. She let out a breath, as if she had just seen how much more of the mountain was left to climb. She planted her hands flat, her fingertips a couple of inches below his nipples. She stroked her hands down, then picked them up to do it again, growing bolder with every pass, feeling more of him as he fought to let her.
“Ben…” she said, as if that meant something.
“Okay?” was all he could think of to reply.
She was stroking him like a cat. He might have expected her to kiss him, give him a love bite, or play with his nipples. He didn’t really know what women did with men’s chests. He hadn’t expected to feel like he was a statue she was carving, like she was creating every inch as she touched it, moulding his ribs and muscles with the tracing of her thumb. His pec twitched, jumping into sharp relief as the nerves overloaded, bolting like a nervous gopher in the presence of an eagle. Rey saw, of course, her eyes zoning in and her hands pausing, but she didn’t say anything, bless her.
His cock stood as a bulge in his slacks between them, the thing that waited at the foot of the slope of his stomach, the stake ready to impale her if she came closer. She didn’t say anything about that either, and he was grateful because there was no chance he could do anything about it now.
Finally she seemed to finish with his chest, which was clammier than he would have liked, and lifted her hands to play with the ends of his hair instead. She raised her eyes to meet his and his mouth ran dry. That look… That look was not a look that said she found him unattractive, or even that she was pleasantly surprised. That look said she’d known he would be like this, and she was… eager.
It suddenly occurred to Ben to wonder if she was wet, if he made her wet, and his dick ached with another surge of blood.
“Now you,” he managed to force out, and Rey, her lips slightly parted, obeyed. She reached for the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head, struggling with the sleeves while he leant out of the way. When she was free, dropping the sweater next to his jacket and tie, her hair was ruffled and she looked a little flushed. Ben allowed his eyes to drop to her breasts in their modest black bra. They weren’t huge, but he knew that. He still wanted to suck them.
He sat up to free his hands and put one to her bra cup. It was much too big. He ran his thumb across it like a windscreen wiper and her tit just squished, bulging out of the bra. Rey moaned quietly and held onto his wrist, arching her back into him. He realised his mouth was open and closed it.
Lust overtook his anxiety. He put his other hand to her other breast, curving his fingers under the cup, evicting her tit so he could lick it. She tasted- She tasted like- Hot living gold. No, better. Flesh. Warm skin and blood and life, sweat and shower gel. Rey.
“Ben,” she whimpered, holding the back of his head, her fingers working, doing something to his hair.
He pulled his head up to suck on her neck while his hands unhooked her bra and pulled it from between them, getting rid of it before adding his shirt to the pile at his feet. He replaced her bra with his hands and she moaned again, sharper, with a little more urgency this time. Her hips were twitching on his thighs, so he put one hand to her ass to push her forward, so they could twitch against his cock instead. She took on more of a continuous roll when she felt his cock against her, teasing him on purpose.
“Good?” he growled, his voice coming out deep and rough. He wasn’t doing too badly so far.
She hummed, her lips pressed together as she wriggled closer. Her tits flattened against his chest and his dick pulsed. Her hard nipples were like a two-star constellation in the otherwise blank sky of his front. He crushed her to him and rolled his hips against her.
“I want… I want… Can we take our clothes off?”
“Wait.” He wasn’t finished yet. He dipped his head to her chest, leaning her back against his arms, and used his tongue to scoop her tit into his mouth. Her moan was almost a shout, and her hands tightened in his hair almost painfully. He groaned into her flesh, his tongue sliding over her like an ice cream cone until he pulled off her with a suck on her nipple. He turned, laying her on the bed. Rey pulled herself across it so she was lying comfortably, her head on the pillow. She watched him trustingly.
With shaking hands, Ben reached for the zip on her skirt, pulling it down then dragging the skirt over her hips and thighs. She gripped the pillow, sexy and perfect and staring at him in nothing but silky black panties and stockings. She was like a dream, a pin-up, definitely too good for him. He removed her stockings next just so she wouldn’t see his feelings in his eyes, sliding them over her smooth skin, the barely-there fabric clinging to his hand with static. He kicked off his shoes, made short work of his socks, then stood to take off his trousers, leaving his briefs on.
He felt better that they both still had their underwear on. He hadn’t ever actually been naked with a woman before, and while he couldn’t hide that he was sporting a massive hard-on for her, it was still a bit more modest than waving his red, oozing, veiny cock in her face.
He let himself down on top of her carefully. Her legs opened before he got there, her thighs tucking against his sides, warm and strong. He was too tall to rub his cock against her as he kissed her, that would have to wait. He took her mouth again, this time nudging her lips open and giving her his tongue. She writhed under him, getting comfortable, her arms going around his back, and the bumpy, muscly pulse of another body under his was a revelation, new and strange and crazy arousing. He leaned into her harder to still her, and she did it like he’d spoken some secret ancient language.
Kissing Rey was something else. She gave as good as she got without ever making it uncomfortable or competitive, as if they were playmates, as if she was happy to have him there. He ran his hand from her hip to her breast, feeling her. No part of his body felt like this part of her, it was alien and endlessly fascinating, just so, so soft.
He broke from her mouth, kissing her neck as she panted, then down to her chest to make love to her tits some more because he was not done with them. Her nipples were hard little tips cresting the soft wobble of flesh like pieces of candy. The contrast was delicious in his mouth.
“Ben… Ben, please…” Rey mewled, her hands pressing down on his lower back as her hips pressed up, trying to rub her clit against his stomach.
“I’m not finished here,” he spoke into her chest.
“Well, can you multi-task?” she cried, frustration making her words sharp.
He smiled, pride and ego riding the lust fogging his brain. He wasn’t shy as he pushed a hand down her belly and into her panties, wet and hot between her legs. His fingers were instantly soaked, surprising him, and he noticed she had trimmed her hair.
As he traced the seam of her, she said “I- I shaved a little but- I didn’t want to get a wax-”
“It’s fine,” he said.
“It’s perfect. It’s not like I did.”
She huffed, tickled briefly by the thought.
He dipped his fingertip between her lips, circling her hole before running it up to find her clit. It took a few goes, and her reactions did not help him as much as he had been led to believe because everything made her jump or squeak or sigh, but he went slow and eventually he found the hard bump amid all the swollen softness and she pushed into his hand.
“Don’t make me come, okay?”
“Don’t make me come, I want to… do that when you’re…” Her eyes closed and she rolled her head to the side, her mouth tensing in an O, her eyebrows drawing together.
“When you’re inside me…”
Great, thought Ben. It would be much easier to make her come first with his hand, something he had done at least once before. Then he wouldn’t have to worry so much about his performance during the cherry-popping part, but trust Rey, a woman this perfect, to have high standards. Now he’d have to figure out how to make her come with the bluntest of instruments he had at his disposal, and on his first try, while fending off what was already a looming orgasm of his own.
He would just have to get her as close as he could. And- And stretch her, he remembered. This was her first time too. It would hurt if he didn’t-
Uncertainly, he moved his finger from circling her clit to her entrance, making her draw in a quick breath. When he pushed in, there was no resistance. He tried not to imagine his cock in here. He didn’t know it would fit. Snug against his knuckle was the hardness of her pelvic bone, so he didn’t know where exactly the extra space was supposed to come from. She felt rough on one side (what was that?) underneath the wetness, and he bent his finger, testing the give in her walls. He was inside her! He was touching the inside of a human body! And it was not the turn-off he thought it might be. Instead, his mouth watered.
Given the ease with which his first finger had sunk into her, he decided to try two. There wasn’t room, her flesh suddenly tight like it was stretched to its max, and Rey kicked away from him with a yelp.
They looked at each other.
“I’ve never…” She dropped her eyes. “I know from toys that… I think you just need to go slow? Use one finger to- to stretch me first?”
He swallowed. Her pain had been a bucket of cold water, reminding him that actually he wasn’t a stud and had no idea what he was doing. “Okay.” Watching her face he tried again. One finger went in easily. He thrust in and out but he didn’t feel like he was doing much. He thought how he could stretch her, and tried making circles, pushing against the rim of her entrance like he was stirring tea. As it widened, he could hear the wet sounds it made, and her face flamed. “It’s like being at the doctor’s,” she said, her jaw tight, trying to dispel the awkwardness with a joke that not even she laughed at.
For some reason, her embarrassment bothered him more than his own, so he tucked his face into her neck to kiss her skin and spare her his gaze. He didn’t think he had the coordination to kiss her mouth and finger her at the same time. He tested how much room he had made. He could fit two fingertips now, but her body didn’t seem to want to take more than that. He angled his hand so he could bump her clit clumsily.
Her sigh ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry, this isn’t sexy, is it?”
“It’s fine,” he said, trying to reassure her. He wished he could make it sexy for her, but he’d known it would be like this. It was him after all.
“Do you want me to try?”
“No.” A virgin he might be, but he could at least do this. His pride demanded it. He wouldn’t make her finger herself while he twiddled his thumbs, for Christ’s sake. He could fit two fingers half-way now. “How’s that?”
“Tight,” she said through gritted teeth, so he took that to mean it hurt, or was at least uncomfortable. “Maybe I just need a distraction,” she added, and her hand brushed his cock through his briefs, making him jump.
He pulled his hips out of her reach. “Probably not a good idea.” The only thing that could make this worse was if he put her through all this then came before they even got the chance to deflower each other.
Rey grunted and didn’t pursue it. Instead she tentatively wrapped her arms behind his shoulders and pulled him down until he was sure he must be crushing her. It felt like a hug. He hadn’t heard of hugging during sex before but what did he know? He could believe she needed a hug after the hash he was making of this.
“Are- Are you sure you want to keep going? I mean, if this hurts, I don’t see how-”
She cut him off. “I want to keep going.” She shifted on the bed, straightening her leg, bending it again, throwing it wide then bringing it back.
“Okay,” he said, resigned.
“At least you’re not a stranger.”
She said she wanted a distraction, maybe talking would do. “Why- If you don’t mind me asking, I mean, why did you… want to do this with me? It’s not like we’re friends.”
“It’s better, isn’t it? I can’t imagine doing this with a stranger. He probably wouldn’t be as gentle as you are. He wouldn’t care about me, he wouldn’t have any reason to take his time. He wouldn’t have to worry about what I tell his friends afterwards.”
Ben sucked in a breath, pausing. “You said you wouldn’t tell.”
“I won’t, I won’t tell anyone how we met, but you know, if you hurt me I could tell Poe you’re shit in bed. I won’t though.”
Ben didn’t find that totally reassuring.
“And think about it – this way, if anyone asks who my first time was, I can always say ‘Oh, he was a friend of a friend. He was friends with my best friend’s boyfriend. We met at a few parties, bumped into each other in a bar, and had a one-night-stand.’ That sounds good, doesn’t it? Better than a stranger.”
“Yeah, that does sound good.” Ben hadn’t thought of it that way. It sounded almost… normal. He thought what his side of the story would sound like. ‘She was a beautiful twenty-something, a friend of a friend, she took me to a hotel.’ It sounded cool, even. A good answer to a question he usually dreaded.
He had two fingers moving smoothly in and out of her now. As he was able to move faster and keep the heel of his hand against her clit, Rey started breathing quicker again, her heel pushing against the bed.
“Do you want me to try for three fingers?”
“Urgh, I don’t know, is your dick much bigger than two?”
“Uh.” He knew the answer was yes, but he was worried about scaring her off. “Probably.”
“I guess you should then. Sorry it’s taking so long.”
“You don’t need to keep apologising. Sorry for having a big dick, I guess.”
Rey laughed, she actually laughed, and not only did her body squeeze his fingers with it, but he felt like he had finally done something good.
“I mean, it’s… normal?” Like he fucking knew. Why had he said that? Now she’d have expectations. But then, he reminded himself, she wouldn’t know what constituted a big dick.
Rey laughed again, a soft chuckle. “It’s okay. You’re tall, I knew what I was getting into.”
Rather than answer, he set about trying to stretch her again, separating his fingers, then adding a third, his fingertips stacked together. He moved slow, but Rey still gripped his shoulders like it hurt. Ben did his best, but it started to feel like an impossible task and he was getting demoralised. He could get three half-way in, and that would have to do.
He pulled his hand away, the wetness on his fingers chilling in the air. “I think that’s… it.”
“Yeah?” Rey loosened her hold and let him up, and he pushed up on an arm to look down at her. She glanced down their bodies, then blinked up at him. They were both nervous suddenly, awkward. Now there was nothing left to do but… fuck. Get his dick inside her, somehow.
Rey lifted her shoulders off the bed to pull off her panties with stilted movements as if she expected him to stop her. Ben took his cue from that and rolled away to shed his briefs and put a condom on, which was thankfully fairly self-explanatory, wiping his hand on the sheets. He checked over his shoulder before coming to her. She lay on the bed watching him, her legs parted but not enough for him to fit between them, and he thought again of how she had said she felt like she was at the doctor’s.
God. Time to throw away the last of his modesty and just… do it, he supposed. He turned and walked on his knees to her feet, pulling her legs apart with his hands on her calves. Her legs were smooth and toned, he should have paid more attention to them. He didn’t miss how her eyes landed on his cock and stayed there. It didn’t look its best with the rubber nib of the condom on its end like a baby’s bottle, but he couldn’t complain when he was just as riveted to her cunt, now he could see it.
It was kind of amazing. There was nothing there, compared to the only other naked body he was familiar with – his own – and yet there was. The bump of her pubic bone screamed sex and woman in a way he hadn’t expected, and he felt like Pavlov’s dog as all other thought faded away and he was consumed by the fact that he could – he was going to – have sex right now. Somehow, he had been programmed for this without his knowledge, and now the sight of her skin, her trimmed brown hair, the pink fleshy insides of her slit and the small opening waiting for him made his throat run dry. She was wet too, glistening, and he could smell her. She was messy, it was on her thighs from his hand, and he wanted her to look worse, redder and used by him. Funny how a pussy had undone about a million years of his evolution.
He crawled over her, lining them up. He cleared his throat as she put her hands on his sides. They were far too close, and far too naked, to be this self-conscious. He kissed her again, just pressing his lips to hers, but she responded and kissed him back. That was something.
And now to try to get his dick into a too-small hole without looking. With a roll of his hips, he got his cock onto her, then tried to find her entrance, giving up almost immediately. That was never going to work. Putting all his weight on one arm, he sent his hand down to help him, gripping his dick and lining it up.
He pushed, and Rey tensed. He kept pushing, thinking maybe he just had to get through it, (maybe this was her hymen?) when she broke, her pain coming out as “Ow, ow, ow!”
He gave up. Both of them were breathing hard. This sex business was not as easy as other people made out. Maybe he had somehow missed the boat, and he’d needed to learn it when he was young, like a foreign language.
He rolled off her, lying on his back beside her instead, losing the will to continue. He’d made it this far as a virgin, he could do another thirty years, and then surely it would be irrelevant.
Rey followed him however, sprawling on top of his chest and pressing kisses to his shoulders. That made him feel like maybe he had another go in him. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Please try again.”
He looked down at her. Why did she want to so much, when it was actively hurting her? Then he had an idea. He gripped her thigh and dragged her the rest of the way over him. “Maybe you should be on top.”
She obviously hadn’t considered that either. “You think?”
If she was, he at least wouldn’t have to feel guilty. “Yeah.”
“O-okay…” She looked uncertain, but she pushed herself up, hovering her hips over him as he held his cock stable for her. She notched it into her entrance on the first try, and Ben grit his teeth as she slowly, slowly, let her weight come down. She closed her eyes and took deep controlled breaths, her hands on his stomach as she concentrated. He could tell it still wasn’t easy. She frowned slightly, and his dick pushed against her without going in.
Then she was stretching around his head.
“Oh, fuck!” He wished he didn’t sound so shocked, or so much like he was seconds away from coming, but he was seeing his dick disappear inside her as she whimpered. Another push and the head was in. He was grateful for the condom or he might have come already. He forced himself to keep still. She made it to about an inch and a half before pulling off, her breath coming fast. She opened her eyes.
“You did it,” he said, sounding awe-struck. She smiled, and he smiled back.
She tried again, making it further this time, far enough that when she pulled up, he didn’t leave her completely.
It took… several minutes to get her seated, and when she was, they both needed a moment to rest. A covering of sweat had popped up all over Ben’s body, cold on his chest and prickling under his arms. He bore almost her whole weight on his hips, which was strange, and yet he still had the urge to thrust, to buck upwards. Her pussy was tight, so tight it almost hurt, and he could feel she was at her limit in the way her walls twitched and spasmed, trying to adjust to him. Rey hung her head, sweat shining above her breasts, and he marvelled at the way her legs split over him like she was straddling a felled tree. He honestly couldn’t see how he had fit inside her. From the outside, she just didn’t look big enough.
“God, Ben…” she moaned, and he was amazed she could talk, and expected him to understand. “You’re huge. I can feel you so deep…”
It was a good thing he was too dazed or those words could easily have finished him off. As it was he felt on the edge of coming, as if his orgasm was something that might just happen to him at any random moment, it was not something he had to encourage or chase like when he jerked off.
She lifted her head and smiled at him, meeting his eyes. He thought he must look terrified, wide-eyed and at sea. “We’re not virgins anymore,” she panted, congratulating them.
Ben swallowed. “No.” And he had done that to her. He had taken her virginity. He, Ben Solo, had broken in a woman like Rey. He felt like more attractive men the world over must be spontaneously bursting into tears in response. And homely nerds must be popping champagne.
She moved her hips, exploring her seat on him. “What now?”
“Oh, er… Up and down, I guess?”
Rey pulled herself up a couple of inches, and the drag of her walls against his cock almost sent his eyes rolling back in his head. She let herself down again, and again his dick was fully enveloped in the hot crush.
“Can you do it? I don’t know how,” she asked almost bashfully.
“Uh, okay.” Ben put one hand on her thigh to steady her, thinking to roll them, but as soon as he tilted his hips, Rey slipped off in a sudden slither that flashed through his whole body. Damn, he didn’t look forward to trying to get back into her again. She lay down as she had before and this time Ben looked what he was doing, and his dick, miraculously, went in. He checked Rey’s expression, but she was looking between them and her hands flattened against his stomach where it met her body just above the cradle of her hips.
She giggled breathlessly. “Wow… You’re so close.”
He understood what she meant. It was not a position he had ever been in before with anyone else, and it was odd.
Then her eyes flicked back up to his face. “Does it feel okay?”
He nodded, sucking his lip into his mouth, incapable of talking and holding himself up and still.
“Thanks for doing this,” she whispered.
Ben shook his head, trying to communicate that he should be thanking her. He hoped he didn’t drip sweat on her.
Her fingertips pushed at him delicately. “You can move now,” she offered.
Great, when he felt like his spine had fused from trying so hard to control himself, but he slid his hips back, then pushed back into her. Rey gave a little gasp when he did, so he did it again, faster, deeper.
“Tell me what’s good,” he forced out as his last decree before letting himself down over her and fucking her for real. He tried to get his body to graze her clit, not that he managed every thrust, only about one out of three.
Rey hummed, then said, “It’s good, it’s good.”
Not very explicit instructions, but at least he wasn’t hurting her anymore. Now he just had to make her come before he did. His hips felt like they were moving on their own, chasing a sensation that hit his brain like a drug. Soon Rey was tilting her hips up to meet his, and the wet slap of their bodies filled the room.
But he wasn’t going to last forever. He pushed his hand between them, his thumb seeking her clit. His rational mind in the backseat recognised it was a painful dissonance, knowing he was going to come soon and desperately wanting to, while also being mortified to do so. Would he make a stupid face? A stupid noise? It was practically guaranteed. Would he stop it if he could? No way. He was going to come in Rey if it was the last thing he ever did.
“Come,” he ordered, as if that would work. Rey mewled and adjusted her hips. She skimmed her hands down his back to grip his ass and… he let her. “Are you going to come for me?” he murmured into her neck, a little desperate. A yes or no would suffice, but he’d appreciate a timeline. She felt like she was getting tighter inside and if she did that… “Rey, I’m not going to last.”
She moaned. He thought she was trying at least, hurrying her own orgasm on. She seemed to take over, holding him so tight she almost pulled herself off the bed, her hips speeding up and abandoning his rhythm for her own. When she next said his name it was with a tone of urgency.
“It’s okay, do it, come,” he told her, in case, like him, she would benefit from some reassurance.
He didn’t know what he expected. Her cunt gripped his dick in waves, waves that the rest of her body seemed bound to follow, wracked by her orgasm that sent her hips bumping against his artlessly, her back arching, her head going back.
He had made that happen. He had fucked a girl and made her come on his dick. It was more that knowledge than anything else, or maybe just that he didn’t have to wait anymore, that made him come. It rushed out of him suddenly, stealing his breath with a shocked gurgle, and then it was his turn to lose all grace as he seized Rey to him, crushing her foreign, invaluable female body to him so he could sweat all over it and come into her instead of his hand for the first time.
When it was over, and his muscles released and he regained control of his body so he could catch his breath, he pulled out and rolled off her. Rey closed her legs and her modesty prompted him to sit up and throw the condom away before he really felt like moving again. When he turned around again, she was under the covers and smiling at him. He wondered what to do, his awkwardness coming back. Did she expect him to get in the bed with her? Should he dress and leave? Shower? Say something?
Rey offered him a fist bump.
He bumped it and pulled back the tight hotel sheets to get in beside her. He lay on his back and looked at the far wall. Rey lifted her head and tried to sweep her hair behind her a few times.
“I think that went well,” she said cheerily.
He glanced at her, worried he’d hurt her feelings. “It was great.”
“Best sex you ever had, right?” she said, winking.
He allowed himself a small smile. “Yes. Best sex I ever had.”
“Me too!” she cried, pretending to be surprised, as if they had just discovered they shared the same star sign.
“You’re not… hurt?”
Rey made a face he couldn’t read. “I’m a bit sore, but I don’t think that could have been avoided.”
He grunted. He bet a man who had known what he was doing could have avoided it. He did a mental check. He both did and didn’t feel different. His body was tired from the workout, his dick tingled, but he didn’t feel like he had traded in his old soul for a new one. The secrets of the universe remained a mystery to him.
Rey poked him in the shoulder, rocking him slightly. She followed it up with a kiss, and that got his attention. “Be-en…” she said as if she was building up to something and he braced himself. “Could I have your number?”
He frowned. “My phone number?”
“You don’t have to. I know it’s not, like, what that speed dating thing was for. But it would be nice if we didn’t have to wait for the next party to see each other again. We could get coffee.” She actually sounded cautiously excited by the prospect.
He supposed… He supposed she had a point. Now they had done that, it would be exceedingly churlish to refuse to see or hear from her again. And the way she had said it… It would be better after all, he supposed, for them to have lost their virginity to a- a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. He’d be an idiot not to.
“Sure, I’d like that.”
Rey grinned and kicked her feet. “Do you want to cuddle?”
“I… I’m not sure how.”
She tucked herself into his side. “Well, it’s a night for firsts.”