Darcy could not stop laughing. Really she couldn't even had she tried. Her best friend was one of the most brilliant minds in the world, and Sam just didn't get it.
"You ate her cheesecake. The one her mom sent home with her. Jane's absolute favorite food, and you mean to tell me you didn't expect retaliation? Even Steve decide to get lost for a few days!"
Sam was slowly wading through their now bleu cheese filled apartment. There was cheese everywhere, even swinging from the ceiling fan. And it wasn't a coincidence that it was one of the stinkiest smelling of cheeses either.
Jane was a person with a photographic memory. Anything she read she remembered. She could tell you right down to the volume and page number what and where the information was.
It was really quite surreal. It made working with her exhausting because she had to put so much brain power into keeping up with her.
Bucky absolutely loved it.
They did establish ground rules since the start of their relationship that science was off when they reached the door to their home, but that didn't turn off the brain.
Jane knew Darcy herself absolutely loved any cheese, the stinkier the better. This prank would not bother her(she was thoughtful like that.) That was her Janie.
But in Sam's dossier, page three section two, under the dislikes section, there in bullet point two right under Hydra/Thanos, was bleu cheese. He absolutely hated the stuff.
How clever of Jane to punish Sam for stealing her favorite food, her mother's cheesecake, by punishing him with a cheese related prank.
And Sam was absolutely seething. "Bucky! Damn jerk! He doesn't know what's coming for him. I can't do anything to Jane. Damnit! I hate this stuff!"
"You know you brought this on yourself. You're always trying to one-up her and she pays you back every single time. Remember the pink hair incident? You couldn't go out for weeks!"
"She couldn't have done this all by herself. She had to have had help."
"Probably. Probably Bucky. The man who had to deal with his angry, pregnant wife after you got to go home with a clean bill of health after eating her cheesecake. I don't blame him."
Really she didn't. Jane's emotions we're everywhere during her first few months of pregnancy. The baby was doing great, but as the child's DNA started to intertwine with her mother's, the more they became concerned that Bucky's type of serum may have been a little different than Steve's.
It couldn't be passed by blood, or saliva, but no one had ever tested the effects on the serum on a child born to a serum carrier, basically because there hasn't ever been a child until now(except for Steve, but that was a whole other story.)
So Bucky, who really was probably the only one who could handle emotional, serum changing Jane, had every right to to retaliate on his friend too.
It was one of those 'I told you so' moments, where one guy would try to one-up the other, though if she were honest, Bucky's were always a little more clever. Probably because the sniper could walk without sound. He could be in and out if your apartment in broad daylight, with you sitting there reading the paper, and you wouldn't even know.
The saran wrap over the toilet when Sam went pee thirty minutes later was inspired.
But this was Jane. And Jane's pranks had to have meaning. The pink hair? Sam had let it slip to the media that she and Bucky were having a girl.
On any given day it could be Sam versus Bucky. Or Sam versus Jane. This time it was Sam versus Bucky and Jane. And the husband and wife team seemed to hit the home run, considering her boyfriend was now gagging at the smell.
She glanced around the room again then tossed her hair over her shoulder and smiled. "We I'll let you get to cleaning up."
"You're not going to help me," Sam exclaimed as his eyes widened."
"I love you Sammy. And sometimes when you love someone, you have to let them clean up cheese messes by themselves."
"That's not how the saying goes!"
"Well you would know! And I swear to Thor, if your hair is pink, or green, or whatever other color Jane or Bucky decide to give you in order to retaliate, at our wedding, your honeymoon is going to be very, very lonely. Have fun!" She laughed hysterically as she headed back out the door and down the hall.
Bucky and Jane were in the middle of an argument about buying a mini van while walking back to their place for the night.
"James, we can't get a car seat on the back of your motorcycle, it's not logical. We need a family vehicle."
"We have the Audi!"
"The back seat isn't large enough for the car seat either! And what if we have another baby?"
"Another one? We haven't even had this one yet!"
"James Buchanan Barnes, we will be having another child!"
He sighed. He really couldn't argue with her, not since their first date which ended in the wildest night in bed of his life. He was going to say as much when he saw the trip wire at the base of the door to their apartment.
He held a hand in front of Jane to stop her and she looked up at him with questioning eyes.
"Bucky wha-," he held a finger up to his mouth to stop her and pointed to the line.
"I think he found the cheese," he smiled at her adoringly. The fact that his wife took no one's shit was the biggest turn on, and he thanked her for it every night.
"Good. I hope he did. He deserved it."
He crouched down to observe the line. It was wired at the bottom and went all the way up the frame. "Probably will trip when the door opens. He's not stupid enough to just make this happen when we walk through. Stay here."
"Where are you going," she asked quietly.
"I'm going to scale the building, and disable it from the inside. Then I'll open the door for you."
If it we're any other guy, she'd think he was out of his mind. But it was Bucky, so it made sense. The night before their wedding, Darcy was on 'protect Jane' mode for her final night as a bachelorette. He'd have listened had he and Jane not been sleeping together for months. He scaled the building to her room, and broke in. They had to be quiet but it was thrilling none the less.
She turned around to tell him to be careful, but he was gone.
Bucky was smoke.
Bucky quietly asked Friday to lower the window to their second story apartment that was in their bedroom, and quietly climbed through. He heard Sam before he saw him.
(Living area, on the couch, TV playing lightly in the background so no one would be able to hear outside in the hallway.) Like smoke he ghosted the place and Sam was unaware. He made fast work of the trick wire, and the bucket that was hanging above full of what smelled like buttermilk ranch. He placed the bucket on the ground and made quiet work of unlocking and opening the door for his wife.
"Sam's in the living room," he whispered and motioned towards the bucket on the ground. "Do you want to do the honors?"
"He'll hear me," she whispered back and motioned to her small but very noticeable baby bump where their daughter lived.
"You know I'm more than happy to do your dirty work, baby doll." He winked, picked up the bucket and eased into the living room, without a sound.
Sam once told her that the Winter Soldier was a ghost story able to escape detection for years. She'd believed him of course, because when the facts we're laid out in front of you how could you not. But seeing him work was much more exciting and a huge turn on.
"This is why you're pregnant, Jane," she mumbled to herself.
"SON OF A BITCH!" That was Sam as he raced into the foyer and Jane couldn't help but laugh. Same drenched in ranch dressing was the icing on the cake to a perfect prank.
"BARNES! WHAT THE HELL? HOW DID YOU EVEN,-"
Bucky crossed his arms, his face serious as he replied. "Maybe next time you decide you're going to prank a woman, make sure her husband isn't a seasoned assassin."
"I'll get you back for this, Barnes."
"Can't wait to see you try."
Sam race out the door leaving a trail of ranch in his wake.
Payback happened the next morning, when Sam and Darcy invited them for breakfast. Sam had tried to put a laxative in Bucky's eggs. Jane and Darcy had noticed, so of course Bucky had, and when Sam wasn't looking, he switched the plates.
An hour later while they were discussing baby furniture, Sam got up and raced to the bathroom.
"BARNES YOU FUCKING JERK!"