Rain pelted the roof of the little hut where Rey was huddled under a thin blanket. The wind howled through the smallest cracks in the stones that comprised the little structure. Lightening overtook the light of the small fire burning to stave off the chill of the night air, and thunder clashed loud enough for Rey to feel it in her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on the cold, damp air filling her lungs with each shaky breath.
These nights laying alone were becoming less and less bearable, but she didn’t dare let Ben know her longing. After all, she had been the one to insist upon separate huts when they both arrived on Ahch-To. Despite his protests, despite his swearing on his mother’s grave that her honor would remain intact as long as she wished it. This shift in Ben was so new, and her faith and trust in him, while she was sure of it, was still fragile. They were both hurting deeply from such tragic and sudden loss. And if Rey was honest with herself, her heart was still mending from his smashing it to pieces on that fateful night almost a year ago. He’d spent their time together doing all he could to help heal the damage he had done, but nevertheless, it made her hesitate when it came to possibly sharing a room, much less a bed.
And then there was the glaring fact that, more than anything, she didn’t trust how her body still reacted to his touch. How she still came alive beneath his hands, even if he was just adjusting her stance while sparring. How the scent of him made her drunk on Ben Solo and made her want to bury her face into his chest to taste his skin. How his sweet goodnight kisses- whether they landed on her forehead, her cheek or softly on her lips- set her very veins ablaze and caused her to grow wet, thinking about what else those lips of his could do.
Another boom of thunder pulled her from her reverie, and this time, caught off guard, she let out a tiny cry of surprise, tinged with fear, covering her eyes like a child.
The gentle caress of ghosted fingertips at her cheek coaxed a small smile to play at the corners of her mouth. Through their phantom connection, Rey felt concern trickle through her from Ben, who was obviously wide awake in the hut next to hers. She didn’t fully open the bond, but she opened her mind to him so that he could speak to her.
Rey, his deep baritone crooned through their connection. It’s just some lightning and thunder…
I know what a thunderstorm is, Ben, she snarked back at him. They happened when I was here before. I just—
A huge clash of thunder silenced her. She could feel her racing heartbeat vibrating the thread of their bond.
If you are really that frightened… He cooed as she sensed him nudge at that door between their minds, trying to gently push it open. She found that she only partially stopped him, hearing the sound of the pelting rain and thunder begin to mute, as if the volume was being turned down as their bond halfway connected with him at the threshold.
I’m not frightened, Ben. Just… oooh… stop taunting me! And she flopped over on her cot with an overly dramatic huff, turning herself away from his voice and the shimmering, ghostly presence that was beginning to form next to her on the ground.
I’m not taunting you, he insisted and she felt the whisper of his hand on her shoulder. I can feel your emotions, Rey. I can almost taste your fear on my tongue. It’s intoxicating… That whispered touch grew stronger, as if he was grasping her arm, and she felt the heat of his body drawing closer to her and the feathered touch of his lips at the back of her neck before it vanished, like he had restrained himself and withdrew. But it worries me. I don’t know if I can feel you so strongly and almost manipulate your side of the bond because our tether seems to be rooting deeper and growing stronger… or if I’ve discovered a weak link within your mental block. I want to test a theory… See if it’s possible for you to block me out…
And there was that push against her mind again, that pull and gentle caress coaxing her to let him in. She closed her eyes and relished the caring stroke he sent along that thread, the sensation growing more real the more she let herself feel him. You’ve been testing your so-called theory since we started talking. And his hand seemed to play with her hair, twisting a lock of it before trailing up and down the sensitive skin of her neck. She shivered at his touch. And you’re playing dirty.
And suddenly it was as if his lips were hovering above her ear, his voice a soft, low grumble that vibrated into her soul and caused her to rub her thighs together. You were able to block me for ten kriffing months, and now you’re failing to prevent me from crawling into your bed… He made a tsking sound that caused her to shudder. You really do need a teacher, don’t you?
She let out a snort of laughter to try to mask her arousal at his words. You’re really enjoying this whole me letting you teach me thing. And if he was going to play dirty, than so could she. With a coy smile and a wiggle of her hips, she added: Aren’t you, Master?
A feeling of elated shock and unabashed arousal spiked down their thread from him, and she couldn’t help but feel satisfaction at his reaction. You are the one who asked for a teacher this time. I’m merely trying to oblige your wishes. And then his voice dropped to just this side of dangerous. And you are playing a dangerous game, little one. I will not be held accountable for my actions if you continue to call me “Master.”
Held accountable? She giggled, a little drunk on the push and pull of their flirtation. What will you do, Master ? Scold me?
She heard him curse through bared teeth, and a growl escaped at her taunting. She turned towards him, hoping to continue their game, when there was a burst through their bond. All sound sucked from the room around them, and then he was there, solid and strong in his presence. He rolled on top of her, pinning her hands up over her head, the full weight of him trapping her between his heated body and the cot. “Oh, you want me to be your Master now?” His eyes found hers and she felt her mouth run dry at the way they bore into her. “Be careful, scavenger, or I will scold you. I’ll scold you right into this thin little mattress and make you cry out just who your ‘Master’ is .”
“Ben … I… ” she all but whined out. She wriggled beneath him, but they both knew it was merely a feigned attempt to make a good show of struggling against her desire. She also wasn’t ready to give in just yet. So she narrowed her eyes at him and sarcastically asked, “Is pinning me to the mattress part of your theory?”
He chuckled and placed his knees on either side of her body. She was caged in, completely at his mercy and his prisoner against the sheets. And though her heart raced, she felt safe within the confines of his arms. “I am testing you, Rey. We are in complete control of our bond now. I know how strong you are- I have been on the receiving end of your strength and utter stubbornness. And for almost a year, I could only nudge at our connection. I couldn’t open it, no matter what I did. So I know that if you truly wanted to, you could shut me out right now. You could slam the door in my face and send me back to my hut.”
“Yes, I could.” She glared at him. She flexed her hands against his hold, and he responded by lacing his fingers into hers, their fingers rubbing together softy and playing at the way they fit together.
He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “So do it, Rey. Push me out of your bed right now.”
Electricity shot down her spine, and she gasped lightly as his lips grazed her ear. She could do it. She knew that she could. Ability and skill was not the issue in question.
She found she simply didn’t want to.
”No?” There was an arrogant edge to his tone, something far short of the tone he used as Kylo, but there was an air to it that was overly confident and dangerous in a way made her core pulse. “Ah, I thought as much. I think you want this. I think you’re growing lonely and restless sleeping alone, just as I am.” He lifted his head and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin. “I think you love me sneaking into your bed, love feeling my weight on top of you, love when I pin you to the mattress. Do you know... I can actually feel how wet you’re getting…”
“That’s not fair. Our bond is letting you cheat...” She whimpered, knowing she was already dripping. “And I wouldn’t be too worried about being able to affect me.. It isn’t like anyone else is going to try to break though my defenses using seduction. And I am kind of letting you…”
“Kind of…” He nearly choked on a laugh. “You’re resistance is non-existent, my dear. I’m the one holding myself back.”
“Exactly. I’m letting you play the game,” she added smugly. “So as long as I have you by my side—”
“Always.” His tone altered, shifted from the playful flirtation to something more serious. “You’ll never have reason to doubt my loyalties again.”
She simply smiled at him, feeling tears prickle at her eyes.
“Come to me, Rey.” He released her hands and propped himself upon his elbows. “I want you here, physically beside me, not just through our bond. I want you in my arms and in my bed. I want to ravage you—” and her breath hitched, but he stroked her cheek as his voice softened “—but I’ll settle with laying by your side if you’re still not ready. I just can't…” He seemed to struggle with putting a name to his feelings. “I can’t protect you when you are aren’t beside me.”
She furrowed her brow at him, “I don’t need to be protected—“
“I know that,” he interjected. “Rey, you may be the strongest person I know. You don’t need me to fight for your honor, so to speak. But this bond of ours, the way it pulls at me, the way I feel you… Even just this small amount of fear that you have with this storm…” His hands found her shoulders and rubbed circles in the muscles there, his fingertips tracing the scar on her right arm. “It does something to me. I have this base instinct, this primal need to protect you, protect what is mine.”
The sentiment of his words struck her, but the dark edge to his voice gave her pause. “That’s a very Sith mentality, is it not?”
“Perhaps it springs from the darkness within me. I don’t think I’ll ever shake this possessiveness I feel when it comes to you. But I am learning to temper it.” He snuck an arm under her back and rolled off to the side of her, pulling her into his arms and tucking her against the wide expanse of his chest. “The more I allow the light in, the more I let you in… the more I see that those lines between what is light and what is dark are blurred. Passion, Compassion. Desire, Adoration. Possession, Protection. They are two sides to a whole. And together, those halves form what both the Jedi and the Sith shied away from.” Rey could hear his heart begin to pound beneath her ear, pressed against his chest. She nestled deeper into his warmth, breathing his scent that somehow wafted across their link. After a brief moment, he continued. “I can have both passion and compassion for you. I can desire your body and adore the person you are at the same time. I can want to possess every part of you- mind, body, and soul- and want to protect that which I possess as mine. And in the same breath offer myself, mind, body, and soul, to you. To possess. To protect. To desire and adore. To me, that seems like… it seems like…” and he trailed off .
But Rey spoke for him, though sending her answer into his mind, rather than speaking it aloud . That seems like the very definition of love.
They were both silent for a long moment. The strange, muted echo of thunder again rattled the stone around them. Rey shivered, though she knew it had little to do with the chill of the air.
I need you, Rey. Come to me, he pleaded as he placed a soft kiss to her temple. Come to me or I’m coming for you .
And with that, he let himself fade away. The thunder boomed overhead, and the sound of the rain, so soft while they were wrapped in their in-between world, was suddenly deafening as it battered the roof.
But the flash of lighting and the wail of the storm outside were nothing compared to the electric current coursing thought Rey’s body. Her skin still felt alive every place he had touched her, as if he had marked her flesh, burned her with the heat of him. She pulsed and throbbed between her thighs as she squeezed them together to stem her aching need.
But more than all of that, her heart ached. The thread of their bond seemed to be yanking her quite literally by the heartstrings, willing her to go to Ben , to be with Ben , to give herself over to Ben .
And who was she to deny the will of the Force?
She threw off the thin blanket and raced to the door, flinging it open to meet with the torrents now raining down from the sky. His hut was just next to hers, and her feet carried her to his door in a matter of moments. The rain soaked through her clothes as her hand stilled momentarily on the door handle. She knew if she opened that door and went to Ben, there was no going back. Crossing that threshold was crossing the point of no return. They would be forever changed from this moment on.
But she found that she simply did not care. In fact, nothing she had ever done had felt more right. The cord that linked their hearts and souls beckoned her to follow along its glowing path to her Other . And with Force wrapped around her and blazing alight, she pushed the door open, only to be met with Ben ready to burst through from the other side.
Their eyes met, and the burning heat of lust that filled Ben’s made her knees almost buckle. Obsidian took green-gold captive.
Ben advanced on her slowly, his breath deep and heavy. She backed up until she was flush against the door. Ben placed his hands against the damp wood on either side of her head, taking a final stride to close the distance between them. The scent of him intoxicated her, spicy and masculine with the faintest hint of leather. The warmth of his body, so near to hers, invaded her, heating her rain-slicked skin. He leaned his body into hers, covering her against the door. Their combined weight against it forced the latch to close, the sound of it the very echo of their fate.
Ben placed his forehead against hers, hands quaking, as if he was holding himself back. He drew in a breath and then released it before whispering, “I know I pushed too fast on that night. And maybe I’m pushing you now… But I promise you, Rey. One word. Just one word from you and I’ll stop. I’ll sleep on the floor at your feet if you want, to give you that time you need, but stay at your side.” She felt his hips move ever so slightly against her, making her gasp. “But I’ll be completely blunt and honest with you.” He tilted his head so his lips grazed the shell of her ear. “I want you, Rey. I’ve never stopped wanting you. It’s taking every ounce of restraint in me to not rip off these leggings of yours, wrap your legs around my waist, and take you against this door.”
Rey moaned at his words and felt heat rush to her core. He placed a sweet kiss just beneath her earlobe, barely grazing her skin, but setting her on fire all the same. She tilted her head, giving him better access to the sensitive skin there, and he placed shaky, tentative kisses slowly down to her collarbone. His hands had stayed planted firmly on the door, surrounding her face, but as he began to make his way up the other side of her neck, she felt those warm hands fall to her upper arms, fingers rubbing small circles into her flesh as his lips pressed with more urgency into her neck.
“I do believe you’re trying to ‘seduce me to the dark’ again…” she teased, her voice sounding breathier than she’d hoped it would. She heard him make a small, guttural noise in his throat, almost as if choking back a laugh. His hands left her arms and pressed back to the door, hands splayed by her shoulders, caging her in.
“I offer no apology for that.” He paused his lips’ ascent up her neck and nuzzled his face into the juncture of her shoulder. “You’re here. You came to me. Can you feel the way our bond is… is swirling? The way it comes alive when we touch? There’s dark there, yes, but so much light...”
Rey closed her eyes. She felt it, like a live wire ready to spark and ignite, a golden thread wrapped tightly around them.
“I seem to remember something from the last time I had you breathless from just my mouth marking you. I wonder what would happen,” Ben mused, “if I did this…” His lips found that spot, the one above the beat of her pulse, and he lavished it with his lips and tongue. Their bond seemed to pulse, accelerating with the beat of her heart, and Rey let out a gasp that transformed into a moan. She could feel his satisfaction ripple through her at the sounds that escaped her mouth. He was unraveling her, and she knew that any moment she would lose all inhibition…
“Wait…” Rey placed her hands on his chest- oh, how his heart was pounding beneath her fingertips- and pushed him back enough to capture his gaze. His jaw clenched and worked, but he stayed silent, rejection painting his dark eyes. To reassure him, she placed her hand gently on his cheek, the one where she had marked him as hers. His lips immediately pressed into her palm, as if he’d take any part of her she’d offer him. “This is silly… but I need to hear it first. I need to hear you tell me you’re Ben. That Kylo Ren is gone.” She grabbed the other side of his face with trembling hands. “I want Ben. I can’t- and I won’t- give myself to Kylo.”
His lips sought the spot between her eyebrows and lightly placed a kiss there. There was a gentle tenderness to his voice when he spoke. “Have you seen anything of Kylo since we’ve been here, Rey?”
“I know,” she whispered. “Just...say it. Please. I just need to hear you say it.”
And he knelt. He actually knelt before her, as a knight to his lady. His hands found her hips, and he buried his face in her abdomen. “I am Ben Solo.” He paused, letting the sound of his given name resound in the brief calm of the storm outside. He lifted his chin to find her shining hazel eyes. “The man I was as Kylo… I renounce him. I lay him to rest. I will spend the rest of my life atoning for the sins I committed as Kylo. But I can start that atonement by swearing to you that I will strive every day to be the man that you believe I can still be… and that slowly I am believing I can become.”
Her fingers carded through his hair before cupping his face. He looked so much younger than his thirty years at this moment, firelight warming his face and softening his features. His pleading eyes stared back at hers as he waited with bated breath. The purity of his words sang through their bond. There was no subterfuge, no manipulation. Merely the desperate hope to become the man he had once thought was lost forever.
It struck her in that moment, with him on his knees in all but supplication before her, just how much power she held over him. She could make him suffer if she truly wanted to, and he would take it and beg for more.
But he had certainly suffered enough for a lifetime. They had suffered enough: lonely childhoods and tortured adolescence. Joy had been in short supply in both their lives. To deny that joy when the Force was offering it to them so freely seemed wrong.
“I’m yours, Ben,” she breathed out. “Take me and make me so.”
Barely had she finished her sentence before he rose from his knees and pressed his lips to hers. They had kissed since arriving on Ahch-To together. Sweet, slow embraces in tender moments. Gentle and almost chaste “good nights.” They teased and flirted, but when their lips touched, it was almost always innocent and unhurried.
This kiss was none of those things. The fire that had consumed and almost destroyed them over a year ago began to burn again in earnest. Ben’s mouth overtook hers, slanting against it to taste, to devour. Rey’s arms wrapped around his neck to pull him closer to her, and Ben pressed one hand to the small of her back as the other dove into her hair at the nape of her neck, fingers tangling in her wet tresses.
“I’ve wanted this… wanted you… for so long,” he groaned out against her lips. He licked at the seam of them and she opened her mouth without hesitation, inviting him in and dancing her tongue with his. His hands fell to her waist and lifted her up the door, bringing her face level with his as his kisses pushed her harder against the wooden frame. Her legs wrapped around him and locked around his waist, opening herself up to him. Held in place against the door with his body, his hips began to grind into her, pressing his growing erection against her core.
She broke the kiss when he angled himself just right to hit the sensitive bud at her center. She let out a moan and let her head arch back. Ben’s mouth latched onto her neck as he muffled his own groan against her flesh.
“Stars, sweetheart… I want to hear you make that sound again and again.” The deep bass of his voice took on a sinful edge as he whispered into her ear, nipping at the lobe as he thrust his hips up into her, attempting to repeat the action that made her squirm moments before. “Kriff, I’m so hard for you. Can you feel it? Can you feel what you do to me?” His lips trailed along her jawline- sloppy, open mouthed- and found her lips again, kissing her deep and slow as he drew a breath through his nose to fill his lungs with her essence. He rested his forehead against hers, pausing his lips and his hips momentarily. With his body holding her up, his hands were free to roam and he trailed them from her small waist, over the mound of her bottom, back up her sides. His voice trembled when he declared, “I’ve never felt like this, never wanted anyone the way that I want you.” His fingers grazed the bottom of the swell of her breasts, and Rey keened in his arms. He watched her with wide eyes, as if memorizing how each little skim of his fingertips affected her, changed her expression.
“Oh, Ben! Please…” she panted out. She was rolling her hips against him in a flurry of frantic movements. Her hands clawed at his biceps, trying to find that glorious friction they had stumbled upon just moments ago, and she was unabashedly aware of her wetness now mixing with the rain that had soaked her leggings. “I need… I…”
He smiled and suppressed a chuckle. “So impatient, my darling.” She huffed in frustration at his teasing and sent him a taste of the twisting desire and energy that was building exponentially deep in her core. His eyes rolled back as her lust hit him, and he purred out, “Tell me what you need. Say it, Rey.”
“I need… I need your hands on me.” A shaky request, but he obeyed, sliding his hands up to cup her small breasts, and she gasped. He squeezed and explored the mounds in his palms, and Rey’s nipples pebbled beneath his touch. He grasped at the collar of her shirt and pulled it down, the fabric not allowing for more than her modest cleavage to come into view. Nonetheless, Ben dipped his head and pressed his lips to her exposed skin, lapping and sucking, tasting the mix of rain and salt on her. She raked her fingers through his hair and guided his head to lavish over one of her nipples. The combination of the rain-drenched fabric of her shirt and the heat from Ben’s mouth made her bite her lip to suppress a scream of delight.
“Don’t hold back,” Ben grunted out, making his way over to her other breast. “I want to hear you. I want to hear what I do to you…”
She felt color rise to her cheeks when he latched onto her nipple over her clothes and sucked hard, causing her to let out a strangled cry. She yanked at his hair, her own head thrashing back and forth. A thrust from his hips slammed her against the door, and she writhed, grinding against his cock straining in his pants. The pleasure that had been slowly building and coiling from her apex started to ache and cause her to yearn for more, more, more—
“Kriff, Ben. I need you inside me,” she blurted out. He pulled his head away from devouring her breasts. Even though the only thing stopping him from fucking her against the door at the moment was a few layers of fabric, he still stared at her in amazement. She watched his jaw clench and reset as his Adam’s apple bobbed with a deep gulp. She took the opportunity to grasp the hem of her shirt and peel it over her head. As she had been in bed, her breastband had been discarded long before, and when her shirt fell to the floor, she lay bare before him.
Ben’s brown eyes darkened as he took a moment to absorb the sight of her: small, pale breasts with rosy tips the same color as her kiss-stained lips. He placed his hands just underneath the gentle swell of each one, cupping them gently and letting his thumbs just barely graze the tips. Rey’s lungs struggled to take in oxygen under the intensity of his stare and featherlight touch of his fingers.
When he recaptured her gaze, he let out a small puff of air. “Maker, Rey… You’re so beautiful.” He leaned in and kissed her with gentle passion, hands slowly dragging from her breasts to grasp at her back, lifting her off the door and bracing her fully in his arms. The warmth of his hands at her skin made her sigh into his mouth, and she tangled her arms and legs about him tighter.
“Make love to me, Ben,” she pleaded against his lips.
She was grateful that the mat Ben had spread out as his bed wasn’t far from them. He took a few stumbling steps backward with her wound about him like a vine on a tree. His hands cupped her ass as he helped her move against him. His covered cock found her entrance and pressed into the fabric of her leggings, making her bite his lower lip at the delicious torture of being so close yet so far from what her body was desperately craving. Too many clothes, she sent him through their bond. Need them off. Need you in me now.
“Woman…” He pulled away from her assault on his mouth. “You’re proving to be insatiable…” He spun them around and dropped to his knees, leaning forward to lay her down against his bed. Only then did she release her hold on him, laying out before him. He loomed over her, dominating her small frame with his body. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
He leaned down towards her lips, but she placed her hand over his mouth. “Clothes. Off. Now.” Her eyes were wild as she slid her hands beneath his shirt and yanked it over his head. Her fingers hooked in the waistband of his pants, but he grabbed her hands and brought them up over her head, pinning them in place. But his hold on her wrists was gentle. He traced down the sensitive skin of her arm, the calluses on his fingertips adding to the pleasure that small touch created, and she sucked in a deep breath at the sensation.
“I want to take my time with you,” Ben whispered. “This all still feels like a dream to me. Like I’ll wake up tomorrow in a cold room in the depths of space and not wrapped around your naked body.” His fingers traced lower, still feather-light, to follow the contours of her neck, grazing her collar bone, tracing down to circle a puckered nipple. “I want to kiss you senseless.” His lips captured hers in a slow embrace that left her dizzy with desire. “I want to taste your skin.” He licked and sucked his way over her jaw and down her neck. He paused when he reached the valley between her breasts, pressing them together to cup his face as he kissed her breastbone, grunting as he buried himself between her soft flesh. “I want to move in right here. Just spend the rest of my days in the heaven between your tits.” His hand slid down her stomach, slipping beneath the waistband of her leggings and underwear. “And I want to…” And his fingers dipped to her folds, one digit slowing easing into her dripping center, making her arch into his touch. “Oh, Maker, Rey… you’re so kriffing wet.”
Rey’s mouth opened in a small cry. Just his finger felt big, so much bigger than her own, as he carefully pushed it inside her, sliding it back and forth, pushing a little deeper each time. After a few thrusts, he was able to slip in all the way, cupping her sex so he covered her clit with the warmth of his hand. “You’re so wet for me, sweetheart.” She felt him pull out and gather her slick along his index and middle fingers. He then pushed them both into her wetness, going slow. The stretch was exquisite. Her muscles slowly gave way to the thickness of his fingers, allowing him to speed up his gentle thrusts. She bit her lip and whimpered.
“You’re positively dripping for me…” He groaned as he pumped into her with a little more force. “And so tight. Stars, just thinking about how you’ll feel when I slide my cock into you…”
“Ben…” she whimpered, one hand flying up to her flushed face, covering her eyes as she met the ministrations of his hand with her hips. “Stop saying those things if you’re just going to tease me.”
“I’m not teasing you, darling. I want to make sure you’re ready for me.” He withdrew his fingers from her, and she whined at the lost of them, suddenly feeling empty where he had filled her so perfectly. She moved to speak, to beg him to keep going, when he hooked his fingers into the band of her leggings, gathering her panties with them and started to slither them off her hips and down her legs. “And I want to watch you fall apart. I want to make you beg so sweetly for me before I bury myself in you.”
Rey started to close her legs on instinct as the chill air hit her skin and cooled the slickness gathering between her thighs that had nothing to do with the rain outside. But Ben placed his hands at her knees and coaxed them open, gazing at her now completely bare before him. She suddenly felt very exposed, and even though it was her Ben who was before her, laying between her legs and regarding her as a Goddess, she squeezed her eyes shut and felt her cheeks and chest flame crimson.
A trickle of concern and a touch of amusement grazed her mind from the bond. She opened one of her eyes just a crack to find him now looking up at her, head cocked to one side. “My eager girl is shy now?” he teased lightly.
“I’ve just…” Her hands trailed down her sides, fisting at her thighs as she resisted the ingrained urge to cover-up. “I’ve never been this naked in front of a man.”
Ben leaned his head against her thigh, placing a light kiss against the skin there. His hands found hers and coaxed them from their fists, lacing their fingers together. “You do realize that, for me to be inside you, as you keep pleading for—“
She yanked lightly at his hands. “I’m a virgin, not a moron, you nerfherder.”
A smirk graced his lips, roguish and just a little dangerous. “It’s selfish of me, but I am reveling in that fact that your body will only know me. I have been yearning to claim you, to mark you as mine from the moment I saw you.”
It was Rey’s turn to smirk. “You wanted to claim me , but I marked you as mine instead.” As she spoke, she let her finger trace along the mark on his cheek.
He reached up suddenly and seized her hand, taking it gently in his own, pressing her palm to his cheek and closing his eyes. A shadow passed over his face, and his once confident and playful demeanor faded. His voice sagged heavy with guilt when he spoke. “It was the raw, unmitigated darkness within me that drove my desires then. I wanted to claim you, yes. But by carrying you from that interrogation room to my bed and fucking the information out of you while you screamed in ecstasy. By taking the Goddess who fought me in the snow and conquering her into the ground from behind while she was on her hands and knees…” Rey’s eyes were wide as she listened to his confession. She swallowed deeply, moving to speak, but before she could, he turned his head and kissed her palm with reverence. “And now… Now I still want to claim you, possess you, but not in violence or raw lust. It means so much more. I want more. More than I ever thought I would want or could have. And I fear I’ll just mess it all up.”
“We’ll learn this together, Ben.” Her other hand brushed away a lock of his hair from his sad eyes, and she ran her thumb gently over his lips. “I’m just as unsure and inexperienced—“
“But it’s not just that. What we are doing… This was always meant to be off-limits for me. Training as a Jedi, I was taught intimacy was forbidden. Relationships. Love. Marriage. Children. That wasn’t in the cards for me. And then as Kylo Ren… Well, Kylo was never meant to be loved. Even if I felt the stirrings of compassion, it was paraded around to show proof of my failure and fragility. Then it was tortured from me, driven from my soul with pain and violence. And you came along and I was enraptured. You invaded my very blood like a drug. You saw yourself what Snoke did to twist that, taking control of our bond and using it to manipulate us.” His hand entangled in hers, tracing the lines of her palm and knitting their fingers together. “I know this is real. I know what I feel for you is true.” And those sorrow-filled eyes fell from hers, downcast to the sheets. “But I’ve been taught to feel ashamed for this kind of desire for so long. To literally beat it out of myself—”
Tears had gathered in Rey’s eyes throughout his whole monologue. When they finally pearled up and slid down her cheeks at his painful admission, she sat up, pulling him up to meet her. She pressed her lips to his with fervor, as if trying to kiss away a lifetime of torture and abuse. “Snoke is long dead. You killed him to save me. He can’t touch you anymore.” Her lips again sought his as she cradled his face. His hands found their way up her arms to mirror her embrace. “No one can touch you here. Not the First Order. Not even the Resistance. It’s just you and me. Just you and me.” She kissed him once more before resting her forehead against his. “And I will never shame you for how you feel. Share it with me. If you feel anger, be angry. Even with me. I can take it. If you feel joy, embrace it. Laugh. I want to hear you laugh. See you smile...”
“And if I feel... lust?” He pulled away, just a breath, enough for golden-green to meet deep brown. “If I feel desire?”
“Then show me.” Rey whispered and slid her hands down his chest, feeling his muscles ripple beneath her touch. Her fingers slipped beneath the waistband of the simple black pants that he wore, and she started to wriggle them down his hips. She kept her eyes locked with his, and he held her gaze, even as he shifted his weight to help her rid him of the last of their clothes. Both of them stilled, breathing in the moment, and then Rey gathered her courage and let her hand again grace the defined ridges of his stomach, sliding over them until she felt the line of hair that started just below his belly button. Still holding his eyes, her quivering fingertips followed that trail down, down, down… until they made contact with his arousal, standing at attention between them. She bit her lip, hiding a shy smile, and her small hand wrapped around his length. She relished the feel of him, hot and hard beneath her fingers. Like steel wrapped in velvet.
That simple action seemed to steal the breath from Ben’s lungs. She watched as his eyes rolled back into his head, and he bucked his hips ever so slightly into her hand. He surged forward and captured her lips with his, moaning into her mouth as she began to pump him slowly. Her hand barely wrapped around him, and that made a primal sense of male pride surge through the bond.
“Ummm… Ben—” Her words were muffled against his lips.
“Kriff, Rey.” He cut her off with a grunt. “It feels so good, your little hand wrapped around my cock.”
“Ben…” And he groaned, hips thrusting into her palm. His lips attacked hers, swallowing her words and tongue overtaking her mouth. As soon as he trailed to her cheek, making his way to nibble at her ear, she regained her voice and placed her free hand on his chest, giving him a gentle push back. “Ben. You’re… I mean… I don’t have a lot to go by… but...” She finally ventured to look down at his erection twitching in her hand, and a flush returned to her cheeks. “I think I’m going to need a lot of foreplay.”
A guttural noise rumbled from deep in his chest. She felt through the bond how her words emboldened him, his nerves melting away. His fingers traced up her body until he was able to grasp her by the chin. He placed a slow, sweet kiss on her lips before placing another delicately on the tip of her nose. “Sweetheart, I’m only too happy to oblige.”
He gave her a gentle shove, and she fell back against the pillow. A giggle started to bubble from her lips, which contorted into a choked cry when Ben bent over her and gave one of her nipples a slow swipe with his tongue. He worked the other breast, massaging and kneading her as his lips wreaked havoc on its twin. She grasped at the sheets and squeezed her thighs together when he took as much of her tit in his mouth as he could and sucked, his tongue continuing to play with the hardened peak. He detached with a slick pop, and his hand immediately replaced his lips, pinching her nipple just hard enough to elicit a soft cry from her as he worked his way over to the other side, giving it the same attention he had just lavished on the other.
She was panting and chewing her lip raw when he pulled his head up from her chest. “Maker, I could spend my life right here.” He kissed each nipple in turn, nipping gently at the last one and giving her a smirk when she squealed. “But I think… I think I want to taste you now.”
Rey lifted up her head, giving him a quizzical look. “You want to what?”
He was already kissing down her stomach, and he paused at her belly button, swirling his tongue inside. “I’m going to taste you. I want to see if I can make you come with my mouth…”
Rey stared at him, “That’s a… I mean… People do that?”
He laughed. A genuine, deep-throated laugh. “So I’ve heard. And I want to try. May I?”
She simply nodded, wide eyes taking in his every move.
“Keep the bond open. Tell me what feels good…” He kissed a little lower to the tiny swell of her stomach above her curls. “I understand this in theory, but… I’ve never actually applied it.”
She let her head fall back against the pillow, inhaling deeply. She felt Ben shift his weight, and his hand gently coaxed her thighs to part. Just knowing that he was currently staring at her most intimate region and then thinking about what he was about to do that area… her heart pounded in her ears as all the blood rushed to her face.
Then Ben pressed his lips to her inner thigh, trailing down, down, down… before finding the sensitive bud and kissing it gently, with veneration.
A shocked Ooh… was about all she could manage to send him through the bond. His lips pursed again, pressing against her harder. Ooh!
Kissing good. Got it. He almost sounded haughty in her head. So I wonder what will happen if I do this…
And his tongue darted out and licked a hot stripe from bottom to top of her slit before taking her whole clit in his mouth and sucking hard. She nearly arched off the bed with the gasp that wracked her body, but Ben held her in place with large hands firmly on her hips. He wrapped his lips around that little nub, and a few flicks of his tongue slowly rolling over it had her babbling his name, intermingled with moans and cries choked around the fist that she was biting down on.
He stopped and placed a sweet kiss to the spot he had been feasting on, now swollen from his work. She whined and thrust her hips up, searching for his mouth.
I take it I’m succeeding at this, And she could practically feel the smirk in his words, given you’ve already made an absolute mess down here.
“Arrogant bastard,” she teased aloud, her voice a little rougher than she intended.
“I told you I wanted to watch you fall apart,” he mumbled against her skin, his breath heating the wet flesh beneath his lips. “And I seem to remember saying that I was going to make you beg.”
“You also said you were going to make me ‘cry out who my master was’...” She twirled her fingers in his hair. “And if you think I’m actually going to call you that in bed…”
“I think you will. Some day,” he stated smugly. “But tonight, I’ll settle for begging…”
His head dipped out of sight. She heard a wet suckling sound, and before she could contemplate what was happening, Ben plunged two slicked fingers into her folds, curling them against her inner walls. She screamed in shock and pleasure, and his other hand crept up her body to hold her in place.
She was climbing higher and higher. Something inside her was coiling tighter with every stroke of his fingers. She felt at the edge of a precipice, just needing that final tip to send her careening over the verge. She let her growing desire and her trembling passion shimmer through the bond, but couldn’t stop herself from voicing out loud. “Please, Ben… I’m so close.” She was whimpering, the neediness in her tone something unrecognizable to her ears “Please, make me come. Put your lips on me again. I want to come. I need to. Please, Ben…”
So beautiful when you’re begging for me. Come for me, my Rey. My sweet Rey. And his tongue dove to her wet center, suckling her clit in rhythm with the thrusts of his fingers. Lightning flashed and lit up the shadows around them just as Ben hit that spot with his tongue. The bond lit up around them like the lightning, and Rey burst apart as her orgasm hit, letting out a cry that rivaled the thunder that boomed overhead a few seconds later. She pulsed and gushed around Ben’s fingers as he stroked her through the waves of her passion.
Gradually, her hips stopped bucking, her breathing slowed, and her vision started to come back into focus. She felt Ben’s fingers slip out of her and watched through hooded eyes as he licked them clean of her juices. Crawling up to lay at her side, he turned her head gently to face him and pressed his lips to hers. She tasted herself on his glistening lips and found the taste to be utterly erotic.
“I don’t know if I’ve seen anything sexier than you writhing in passion with my lips on your clit and my fingers deep inside you.” He nibbled at her bottom lip as his hand lazily stroked her breast, feeling the beads of sweat cool in the damp air from her climax.
Rey worked her throat, feeling the rough edges of her orgasm-wrung voice clear, before capturing Ben’s eyes. “What about me writhing in passion with your cock deep inside me?”
Ben growled, eyes darkening to almost black with lust. He rolled on top of her, bracing most of his bulk on his own arms, but letting her still feel the weight of him, covering her small frame and pressing her into the cot. “Is that what you want now, Rey?”
She nodded her head eagerly, but he caught her chin with his thumb and forefinger. He held her gaze for a moment as she watched the playfulness drain from his face, and a slight hesitation pulled at her mind. “Sweetheart, are you absolutely sure? Because for me… there is not going back after this. There has never been, nor will there ever be, anyone else for me.”
Ben… She caressed him through their connection as she found his hand that was tucked against her chin and brought his fingers to her lips, kissing them gently. “I already told you. I want this. I want you. Only you.” And she trailed her fingertips down the groove on his face, where she’d claimed him long ago. “You are mine. And I am yours.”
He kissed her delicately as he placed his knee between her legs and nudged them apart, settling his hips against hers. His cock lay heavy against her lower stomach, and she wriggled and shifted to try and get him closer to her aching center. Please, Ben… Please…
He reached between them and palmed himself, wrapping his hand around his length and pumping himself a few times, before pausing and shyly asking, “Should I… ummm… Do you want me to… pull out or…”
She flushed just a little, but shook her head. “I have an implant.” She lifted her arm so he could see the small bulge of the device beneath her skin. “And I want you to finish inside me.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed deeply. “Did you… did you have that last time?”
“No,” she said quietly. Try as she might, she couldn’t hide the ghost of past shame that she remembered from the morning after as memories came careening through their connection. Her swollen eyes and lips and bruises along her neck in the mirror in the morning. The fear that had chilled her veins as she rushed to the med wing. The bite of the needle, somehow dull compared to the pain of her shattered heart, as they inserted the implant. “After I shut you out, I realized that if we had… continued … I could have—”
“And you would have had me. No matter the circumstances. I would never have abandoned you,” he blurted out, staring down at her. The sincerity of his words made her heart ache, and a deep-seeded longing bloomed within her. “If I would have… I would have been there for you. I would have taken care of you…” He gulped, eyes softening. “And our child.”
“I know that now.” She felt him loop his arm under her upper back, and she cupped his face. “And some day, I know you will…”
“Stars, that thought does things to me.” His hand moved to lay gently on her stomach. “We both want family, belonging. Rey, when this war is over, I want to make our own belonging. I want to make a family with you.” His fingers trailed lower, through her curls, and slipped inside her dripping core. He pumped them into her, emphasizing his words with little thrusts of his fingers. He bent forward, lips grazing her ear. “I never thought that children were a possibility for me. Never even considered it an option. But now… Kriff, I want it, Rey. I want to fill you up so full of me that it takes root. So you swell and grow round with my child. I want to feel that spark of life in the Force, life that we created. Life I’m going to put right here...” And he thrust his fingers deep and hard into her body, making her arch and cry out.
“Ben…” She gasped, rolling her hips against his hand. “I want that, too. I do. But some day.”
“Someday soon.” His fingers left her body, and she felt him move, spreading her wetness along the length of him before positioning himself at her entrance. “And until that day, I want to get in as much practice as we can.”
Rey nodded as she brought her knees up to cradle his hips. “I need you inside me, Ben. Please.”
Ben surged forward, his lips taking hers captive in a kiss that set her ablaze. His mouth slanted against her, tongues tangling in a slow, sensuous dance. He wrapped his arm tighter around her body, drawing her closer as he rubbed the tip of his manhood along her slick slit once… twice… before slotting into her and guiding the head of him into her heat.
Rey gasped and let out a small cry that Ben swallowed with his tender kisses. It wasn’t painful, exactly. It was more a gentle burn, a fullness, a slow stretch as her body struggled to accommodate all of him… and kriff, was he proportional . She could feel him shaking, could feel how much he was struggling to maintain control. He pushed into her slowly, inch by torturous inch, until he met with too much resistance to keep going. Just as delicately, he withdrew, the drag of his cock against her walls delicious in a way that was so foreign to her. His hand that had been guiding himself into her slid up her body and grasped hers, lacing their fingers as he pushed it into the pillow beside her head. And then he surged forward, with just a little more force than before. Rey felt something in her body give, and she winced as Ben sheathed himself completely within her with a muffled curse.
“Sweetheart?” He breathed out, dark eyes searching hers. “Are you ok? I felt… Did I… did I hurt you?”
“No.” She shook her head, aware of the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill. “Not really. I mean, a little. But more than anything it just feels… full. I feel full of you.” Her fingertips brushed the hair from his eyes. “And I love it. I just… I need a moment.”
Ben nodded, but she could feel him trembling, as if it was taking everything in him to hold still and let her body adjust. She squeezed his hand, while the other fisted into his hair, before giving her hips an experimental roll beneath him. They both grunted at the sensation as Rey felt a little of the stretch lessen. “Ooh! I think… I think you can move now.”
He slid himself almost out of her again and then pushed in, still gently. The burning sensation started to ebb as a slow wave of pleasure began to replace it. It rippled down the thread of their bond, and Ben lay his forehead against hers. “You feel too good, Rey. You’re so tight and wet and warm and—” His voice broke, and his hips stilled as he bottomed out within her. “This has to be a dream. It has to be. Something this good… I don’t deserve it—”
“Ben, look at me.” She lifted his head and noticed his eyes glistening with the tears he was trying to hold back. “Never say that again. You are good, and you deserve goodness .” She kissed him with all the sweetness she could muster before lowering her voice and sensuously demanding, “Now make love to me. Let me prove to you that this is real and no dream.”
A smile twinged at the corners of his mouth. The pull back of his hips was excruciatingly slow, as well as the press back within her body. Her walls grasped at him, gripping him, pulling him deeper within her. The fullness of him was almost too much too bear. Yet it wasn’t. The way he filled her made her want to simultaneously scream that she couldn’t take him and demand that he give her more of him. And with every thrust, the resistance of her maidenhead lessened and that hot, tightening sensation began to build, coiling deep in her belly. Rey let out small moans to match his movements, her hand wrapping around his back before sliding down to cup his ass.
“More, Ben.” She gripped the firm muscles beneath her hand, pulling him into her harder.
You feel so good… His words in her head were labored, and she helped him snap his hips against her, eliciting a slick slap as they connected. Ben stuttered at the sound. This isn’t too much?
Force, Ben. Never too much. Not enough. Please, more… She wrapped her legs around his waist and used them to guide him, chasing that climbing, building heat within her. She angled her hips up, and his next thrust hit something deep within her, causing a wordless cry to escape from her mouth and her back to arch against Ben’s warm body.
The pleasure rippled around them, igniting their bond. Ben let out a groan as she discovered that she could let her pleasure take the lead and guide the deep thrusts of his cock to where she wanted him most. The bond bloomed, and the surge of sensation overtook them both, linking them, emboldening them. He buried his face in the crook of her neck as he snuck his hand into her hair at her nape and gently pulled her head back to keep her arched into him.
Oh, Rey, I can feel everything . He was pursing his lips together in concentration, the long, deep strokes of his cock growing a little rougher and more determined. You love when I’m deep inside you, don’t you? He released her hand and laid it again on her belly, as he had done earlier. But this time, he pressed down, and she could feel his cock press into his hand from inside her with every thrust he gave. Kriff, Rey… Can you feel that? I can feel myself inside you.
She glanced down as she gasped, “Gods, Ben! It feels amazing!” She threw her head back as his hand glided up her slick, heated skin to ride the valley between her breasts before stopping to wrap around the back of her neck.
“ You take me so well, my naughty little scavenger . ” There was a dark, rough edge to his voice now and, surprisingly, it excited her. He leaned into her with his next thrust, and she felt his teeth graze at the softness of her neck, biting down hard enough to make her cry out.
“Rey, this is too good. It feels too good… I’m not going to last much longer.” He kissed up her neck, suckling bruises into her skin to mark her. He found one of her hands and brought it up to his mouth, kissing her knuckles gently. The romance of the gesture made her smile, countering the dark edge he’d unleashed, but then that mischievous glint filled his eyes, and he sucked two of her fingers into his mouth, slicking them for her. “I can feel you’re close, darling. Touch yourself for me.” He grabbed her wrist and guided her hand down to her clit. “I want you to come while I’m buried to the hilt inside you.”
“Maker, Ben” she choked out, her legs unraveling from his waist as she framed his hips. Ben trailed his hand up and down her thigh, squeezing her flesh she begin to circle her bud, now so sensitive she jerked with each swirl of her fingers. He lifted himself up onto his elbow to brace his weight, while grasping at her thigh and hiking it higher. Rey didn’t think it was possible for him to go deeper, but his next thrust proved her wrong. She worried her clit faster, other hand grasping at his arm, her nails imprinting half moons into his bicep.
“Harder… please, harder…” She stuttered between gasps for air. That twisting pressure was getting tighter and tighter. Rey felt she was about to explode from being so full of him, but still her body was pleading for more. And she knew, teetering on the edge of ecstasy, that she would never get enough of Ben . “I’m almost there! Please, Ben… please…”
“That’s it, sweetheart. Come for me.” With a grunt, something primal washed over Ben’s face, and he began a punishing pace, slamming into her wet heat over and over again. Sweat dripped from his face and mixed with her own. He trailed his hand from her thigh up to grasp one of her breasts, palming it roughly. They locked eyes, his so dark the firelight made them look like they were ablaze.
She felt wanton. Wild. She bit her lip, feeling her whole body shake with every slam of his hips. The dark fire in his eyes burned through her. She propped herself up on her elbows, bringing their foreheads together. Make me scream, Ben, she demanded. A gutteral compliance escaped him, and he licked his thumb and reached between them, brushing her hand away from her apex and replacing her delicate fingers with his thumb.
He pressed his thumb against that button and thrust himself deep within her. And then, the world burst into white. She screamed his name to the ceiling, echoing in the night as she exploded around him. Her arms shook with the rest of her body, and her strength gave out as she collapsed back against the cot. She pulsed around Ben’s cock as he worked her through the waves of bliss. And then she felt his pace stutter, his thrusts becoming more erratic. He thrust once, twice more before holding himself steady while buried deep and painting her insides white with his seed. It filled her, warmed her already-molten core as it sunk deep within her waiting body. Ben groaned her name over and over like a prayer and let himself collapse forward a bit, still trying to bear most of his weight on shaky limbs.
Rey hadn’t even realized that she had closed her eyes until she felt tears gathering at the seams of her lids. She opened them to see Ben had done the same. She reached up and gently stroked his cheek. He leaned into her touch, following her hand as she guided him to rest on her shoulder. He slipped from her body, the proof of their passion seeping between her thighs and to the sheet beneath her, as he finally let his weight fall onto her. He wrapped his arms about her and burrowed his face into her neck, covering and enveloping her to relish in their afterglow. She let her fingers entangle in his locks, now damp from exertion. They breathed together, let their hearts slow together, just listening to the rain playing a now gentle beat above them.
Ben groaned as he licked the salt from her skin. “We are going to be doing that again. A lot. As often you’ll let me.”
Rey nodded and pressed her lips to the top of his head, a small laugh escaping as she did so. “Remind me… Why have we waited a standard year to do that ?”
Ben pulled his head up but let his chin rest against her chest. “Because I am, as you often remind me, a complete nerfherder who kept screwing up every chance I had with you…”
“Yes, abduction and telling a girl she’s nothing is the way to win her heart.”
“See? Nerfherder.” Ben pulled himself up to seize her lips. His kiss was slow and gentle, unhurried. When they came up for air, he captured her gaze. “You are not nothing. I was a moron to say that to you. Twice.” He pressed his lips to her forehead as he breathed out, “Rey, you are my everything. You took me as your captive, heart and soul, from the moment I felt you, before I even laid eyes on you. You complete me. You temper me. You balance me.”
Her heart felt like it would burst from sheer happiness. But that nagging fear, ingrained in her since she was a child, beckoned from the back of her mind. “Just…” She hesitated and searched his eyes, trying to hold back a fresh deluge of tears but failing as they trickled down her cheeks. He kissed them away before she reached up to pull his forehead to his. Just please never leave me, she whispered through their bond.
Shhhh, sweetheart, he cooed, his lips seeking to soothe all her fears away. You are not alone and you never will be again . I’m not going anywhere. You and me, remember?
“You and me.” She choked out aloud, kissing him as his lips found hers.
Ben rolled to his side and pulled her tight against him, tucking her under his arm and next to his heart. He pulled the blanket around them both, making sure to wrap it tightly around her to keep the chill away. “Now sleep, my love.”
Strong arms about her, she let the beat of his heart lull her into the embrace of sleep. And for the first time in as long as she could remember, she slept without fear or nightmares. The hum of his Force signature, entangled with hers, kept the demons at bay as she lay softly sleeping, wrapped in love, at last.