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My Dear Melancholy

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It was 1993.


Natalia Romanoff got taken away from her father.


She turned 9 on that horrific day and all she could remember was that her father was talking to her about the cold war and suddenly sprung about buying Natalia all that she wanted including the dollhouse that she wished for last Christmas.


Natalia only nodded with excitement as she heard how her father was going to buy her the dollhouse and maybe even the prettiest dolls ever.


It made her happy.


As she was tucked in her room after her father finished reading her Peter Pan, Natalia asked a question, "Do you love me, papa?"


She didn't know what papa said but then the memory went to someone snatching her from the window, extinguishing her screams and pleads as that same someone ran and threw the girl into the truck and drove away.


What Natalia didn't know was that the next day would be torture for Ivan Petrovitch. And so would the next day. And the next.




It was 2000.


Natalia was 16 when she discovered she was pregnant. When she notified the mistress, she was angry. She asked for the father and Natalia couldn't tell her because she didn't even know his name but he knew that he was a geneticist.


Natalia didn't tell.


They were going to terminate her pregnancy but Natalia fought against it.




Natalia ended up killing more than twenty workers for her unborn child before the mistress decided that Natalia would keep the child but when the baby was born, it'd be taken away.


Natalia didn't want to agree.


But she killed men for this child.


And she didn't have much of a choice.


So when August 10th, 2001 rolled around, Natalia was screaming as she pushed the baby out and gripping the rails as she gave birth standing. When she seem the baby, she wanted to carry him. She wanted to cuddle him and kiss his head but the mistress and her own body wouldn't let her.


So, what she did was give the boy a name.




And after she gave Peter his name, she used her last bit of energy to ask a nurse if she could deliever the baby to the one and only man that got her knocked up.


Richard Parker.







Natalia graduates the Red Room.


They sterilize her.


They told the agents that from now on, when they enter and when they graduate, they cannot get pregnant or else the baby will die.


Natalia can't have no babies.


But she had a two year old baby boy.


And Natalia couldn't wait to meet him.






After searching for Peter endlessly, she discovered that the boy was dead in the plane crash with Richard Parker and Mary Parker.


Natalia grieved.






Working for the KGB sucked.


Natalia almost got killed.


But instead, the now deaf man who coined himself Hawkeye, recurited her for S.H.I.E.L.D.


Shield didn't suck so much.






Natasha-- as she calls herself, got her first solo assignment.


Recruit IronMan.


Her fictitious name being Natalie Rushman, she quickly makes her way to be Pepper's assistant and meeting the one and only, Anthony Edward Stark. Or Tony Stark.


She fought the security guard and obviously won with pride. But before she could get out the room, she grabbed the papers and got Tony to sign them before Pepper thanked her for her work. Natasha bid them goodbye before fixing herself a nice outfit.




Natasha beat the Stark trio to Monaco.


Thanks to Fury, she landed at the Prix center and greeted them inside the building wearing a flamingo colored dress and watched the couple argue with clenched smiles.


Tony walked away from Pepper and to Natasha and complimented her before he backtracked and she talked to him to about the schedule.


What would Peter be like?


Would he be proud of his mother? Proud that she led this horrific life with red all over her hair or would he be terrified that his mother is indeed a living weapon that's more powerful than what the CIA can hire?


Would Peter be the perfect, innocent, child? Yes.


Would Peter want to be around his mother? The one who couldnt even watch him walk his baby steps? Or helped him ride a bike? Natasha would never know.


Natasha went to go get Tony, who oddly reminded her of a shy puppy. A little too shut off but if she pushed enough, she'd see the poison that's slowly killing the man in a tin can.


"Natalie? Natalie!" She heard Ms. Potts and she walked over to her.


"Yes, Ms. Potts?" Natasha asked gently, a smile on her face.


"Do you know about this?"


Natasha looks at the tv and groans. Of course, she didn't. Natasha shakes her head.


"Where's Happy?"


"He's at the front."


"Go get him, please."


Natasha did before leaving the Prix arena. Not so worried about Tony since she knew at some level, Tony could handle himself.




One thing Natasha learned from her time alive?


She still had what people called "mother instincts". No one else but James and Tony knew about the poison. But Natasha knew. She could see the mini veins turn a blue and purple mixture and wasn't so visible.


But Natasha seen it.


She also seen that Tony was reckless.


He was dying.


As Natasha strolls in with a box of watches and going to make Tony a drink, she heard him ask a question,


"I should just end the party, huh?"


"Probably. It's illed time."


They walked up to each other and Natasha looks at Tony in the eyes. Her eyes sparkled as he drank his drink awkwardly. It was almost cute.


She turns and brings him his box of watches and sat down near him, her smile visible. Tony smirked back before Natasha put cream on Tony's bruises.


She often wondered why Tony did what he does.


But seeing the Stark history, she would want to wipe out the blood also. Tony asked her where she was from. Legal. She says.


"Can I ask you a question?" Tony starts, Natasha closes the creams and puts her attention on the man in front of her. "Bit odd, if this was your last birthday party you were ever gonna have, how would you celebrate it?"


Natasha's heart clenched. Her mind immediately going to her son. Her dead son. If he was alive, She would probably just sit down with Peter and watch anything he wanted to watch. Do whatever Peter wanted to do. Natasha would spend her last birthday with her baby boy who maybe just wanted frosting and cake and get a tummy ache.


She would spend her last birthday with Peter. And the thought of not being able to do that? Natasha wanted to sob and scream. She wanted to fist fight the fates themselves on why she couldn't have her son back or why they decided to cut his line short. She wanted to throw a pity party and the only guest would be her.


She wished Peter was alive today.


Because maybe then, unlike Tony. She wouldn't be so reckless as the man who's dying every single minute.


But would Natasha say that?




But, she alludes to it. "I’d do whatever I wanted to do with whoever I wanted to do it with." With a smile, she rises up and leaves the man by himself.


A big regret as she later finds out.




Natasha really couldn't see why Tony peed on himself.


It was gross, but nonetheless, she couldn't worry about it when Pepper was scolding her accusing her of making tragedy strike.


And for a second, Natasha grew fearful before the wall broke and not one, but two iron men landed. Instinctively, she puts her hands up before realizing it was tony and rhodey.


Natasha, not wanting to see this, ran out before she could see Pepper being escorted by Happy in a professional way.


She hopes Happy Hogan can get a raise.




Natasha was securing the restuarant before stepping inside, "We’ve secured the perimeter but I don’t think we should hold it for too much longer." And instead of regular clothes, She was wearing her professional Black Widow suit.


"Huh," Tony starts and Natasha can sense the betrayal, "You're fired."


"Isn't up to you, Tony." Natasha points out.


"Why don't you meet Agent Romanoff?" Fury asks.


"Hi." Tony says bitterly and Natasha explains her job.


She lets Fury speaks as Natasha looks at Tony, studying him.


He seemed annoyed at Fury talking about the fight that happened hours ago, rolling his eyes as Fury speaks on and on. She could see his veins again, the poison showing itself.


But then, Fury asked her how it was possible that Rhodey took his iron man suit.


Natasha replies, "Well, according to Mr Stark’s database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorised usage."


Tony looked defeated. "What do you want?"


Natasha takes her exit as she gets the needle as once Fury said hit him, she injects him and she grips ironmans chin, looking at his neck.


She couldn't help but smile.


As they converse, she lets her mind drift off to the future she can't reach.




"Why can't you tell Pepper you're dying?"


Natasha looks at Tony for an answer, the box of strawberries laying next to him as he chews on one.


"I hope you can fix this, Tony." Natasha says, sadness in her brown eyes as she rubs his shoulder.


"We're not even close, Natalie." He says so with a bite.




Natasha takes her leave silently, wishing that life would be easier.




Natasha flips Justin Hammer, bends his arms and slams him on the desk.
"Who's behind this?" Natasha asks coldly, and bends his arm further.


"Vanko! Ivan Vanko!"


"Where is he?"


"At the company!"


And with that Natasha drags Happy Hogan.


Natasha missed Tony Stark, himself, saving her son.