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Kill Our Way to Heaven

Chapter Text

  

You wouldn't find it , if you weren't looking for it.

Nestled into the corner of that part of Seoul, that your mother always warned you against, it clashed almost comically with its surroundings.

Brown, brick walls , and flower boxes , under the window sill. The smell of fresh bread and cookies, mingling with the fragrance of roses and lavender.

It looked like a magical little tear in the grim, poverty stricken reality of Seoul's underbelly.

 

Jungkook dodged the scattered cigarette butts on the curb, pulling his jacket closer, bracing himself against the biting cold. The chill of what would be his first Seoul winter , seeped through his bones , leaving his teeth chattering.

He pulled out the crumpled piece of paper Jimin had given him, smoothening it out , to peer at the address.

Seemed like he was here.

The Magic Shop.

According to Jimin, the Magic Shop was owned by Kim Seokjin. An apothecary, legally, only a few knew of its really identity, and of the enigma behind its lavender scented counters - Kim Seokjin.

 

Jimin had whispered his name , almost reverently , as he shoved the scrap of paper into Jungkook's palm, when the boy had confided in his hyung about his problem. Jimin himself hadn't been to the Shop, but apparently his younger brother had , and had given him a glowing review. Besides , Jimin had seen it himself, how Jihyun bloomed, from a self conscious, painfully shy boy, to a bold , successful young man. He didn't know what it was that Kim Seokjin did , but sometimes , when he saw his brother's pale fingers fiddle with his engagement ring, instead of pick at the scabs that once criss crossed across his wrist, he felt as though he could kiss the man's feet.  

 

Long story short , once the midget had gotten over his laughing fit , he'd propelled Jungkook towards Kim Seokjin's establishment , assuring him, that no matter what it was , Jungkook would find it there.

 

He pushed the door of the shop open , and amidst the quiet jangling of the bell, he looked over this , Magic Shop.

It looked as though it'd been pulled straight out of one of the fairytales Jungkook's sister would read to him.

A pale pink interior, with a pink counter , pink cupboards, and a white floor. Bottles , and jars of all colours and descriptions littered every surface. Sprigs of flowers peeked out of every corner , flower pot , and planter , draped across every horizontal surface. The air smelled of fresh bread , rose and mint.

Jungkook wandered toward the window sill, where pots of glittering powders shimmered in the watery sunlight. He picked a pale pink jar , and inspected it's label, eyes squinting to decipher the tiny , elegant font.

 

" Moondust"

 

Jungkook almost leapt out of his skin, narrowly escaping knocking the entire display to the floor.

He swiveled around , in the direction of the voice, turning to face the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen.

His strawberry blonde hair was swept to a side , framing his face. Strong eyebrows , and an even stronger jawline. Pouty lips, stretched into a smirk. Wide, firm shoulders , a broad chest, and defined arms , wrapped in an elegant suit jacket.

 

" A-are you...I'm looking for Kim Seokjin?" He managed to choke out , stuttering as though the sheer beauty of the man before him had rendered all his systems offline.

 

" That would be me," the angel before him chirped, " tell me , sweetie , what can I do for you?".

 

" Um, I was sent by P-Park Jimin ? He said his little brother , Jihyun had come to you last spring , and t-that you helped him? I was wondering , if , if you'd -"

 

" If I'd do the same for you? Well. It'd be a shame to deny such a pretty little thing. Besides , it's one of the rules. I'll give you whatever you want , but for a price." Seokjin said , his steady, keen gaze making Jungkook feel as though he was on fire.

 

" Rules?"

" Oh yes , pretty. The Magic Shop has only three rules , but you and I we've got to stick to them, or terrible things happen. First , never ever ask, or try and find out how I do what I do. Curiosity killed the cat, but it'll take it's time torturing you.  Second , ask for whatever you want , and you'll get it. But you'll have to be willing to pay a price. Whatever I say, no questions. And third , never , ever try and leave the shop without paying your debts , or , well, I'll have to take your soul."

 

Jungkook let out a nervous giggle at that. Surely this pretty man was joking . Taking a soul? Seriously? But he sobered up as he met the other man's serious gaze.  Whatever. He was literally asking a fairy godmother for a favour. He could humour him.

 

" So, anyway, tell me , darling, what brings you to me?" Seokjin purred , stretching across the couch , ushering Jungkook into a chair.

 

" It's , it- it's a boy. I want you to make him notice me?"

 

" A boy? Ooooh a love story! I love those. Tell me , tell me about this boy. "

 

" He's in my audio engineering class. He's ...he's perfect...he looks like a fairy , small and delicate , but when he raps , when he speaks , when he works...it's like...he's burning with passion. You can't help but catch on fire. But , I don't think he'll ever even look at me , I mean, I'm just a kid. I don't even think he knows my name!" Jungkook all but wailed.

" Ah young love. How easy to mold , to twist, to break. You think you're in control, you know what you're doing , but you're just riding the tides of time and fate , and hoping you don't get washed ashore too fast. Anyway, what did you say his name was?"

 

" Yoongi, Min Yoongi." Jungkook said , an embarrassed flush creeping up his neck. How pathetic.

Seokjin raised one perfect eyebrow, " Oh?"

 

Jungkook stilled , the hint of malice, and cruel laughter , in Seokjin's voice startling him.

" You know Yoongi hyung?"

 

Seokjin uncrossed his legs , standing up, and moving behind the counter.

" Oh once upon a time , you know how those acquaintances are. Either way, what can i do for you? You want me to give you a love potion to slip him, or to make him crazily attracted to you? Or dump his girlfriend or boyfriend? "

 

" A date." Jungkook whispered, so soft that he wasn't sure Seokjin would even pick it up.

 Of course he did. Of course he fucking did.

" Oh , a date, how precious!" Seokjin cooed , " you're a real baby aren't you, pretty? Of course I can get you a date. In fact , for being such a darling , I'll do this for free. No charges , don't worry . Go , be happy. Yoongi will ask you out within a week."

 

Jungkook sprang up from his chair , his eyes comically wide. He beamed, restraining himself from hugging the taller man, instead settling for gripping his hand a little extra tight , as he shook it.

" W-will you really? I mean, can you do it? You're not joking. You're serious. You'll ..he'll notice me?" Jungkook stuttered. 

" Yes , pretty. He'll notice you. He'll ask you on a date. Trust hyung. And don't worry about the payment. I usually ask for small favours - oh don't worry, nothing illegal, just small errands - but you're so precious, be happy. "

Jin chuckled , as he guided the boy to the door. Really, it was rare that he got such pure ,pretty things.

Jungkook was about to plunge into the cold winter breeze , when he ducked back into the shop .

 

" Oh , and Seokjin-ssi? Jiminie wanted to thank you , for Jihyun. He says he can never repay you."

 

" Oh don't be silly!" Jin smiled , " Jihyun paid me back just fine. He was such an easy thing. So easy to bend , so easy to play with. It was my pleasure , really."

 

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows , at Seokjin's odd speech, feeling an inexplicable chill slither down his spine. But he shook his head , putting his unease down to the chilled air outside , and smiled again. If this man was kind enough to give Yoongi to him, for free , surely he was a good man.

 

He beamed once last , and headed into the afternoon, Seokjin's voice calling out behind him, to visit again.



 

Seokjin sighed, as he closed the door behind him. The kid was so sweet, so pretty , so trusting. Seokjin's fingers itched to take him apart , ruin him, make him cry.

He bustled around the shop, gathering things , for the charm.

Min Yoongi, he didn't know that the man had it in him to continue at the University, after everything.

Guess all broken monsters didn't hide under beds.

 

He shook his head. Jungkook had brought up Jihyun.  He'd almost forgotten the wilted little flower boy, with big dreams , big eyes , big scars , and even bigger demons. 

He'd begged Seokjin to make it stop. 

Seokjin always gave you what you wanted.

So Jihyunie was happy . Or atleast doing a fucking amazing job of faking it.

He'd been such a doll, to fuck with. So pliant.

And he screamed , and cried and begged , so prettily, as Seokjin whispered sweet things into his ears , encouraging him to pull the trigger.

 

He smiled.

 

He hadn't had a new plaything in so so long.

 

 

Chapter Text

Blank stare , burning eyes, tear tracks. Betrayal, so raw , so blinding , so venomous.

And he deserved it , every bit of it.

Every scream, every punch, everything he wished Joon would just do to him, punish him , hurt him.

Help him leave everything behind.

 

Yoongi woke up, gasping. Sweat clung to his back, soaking through the sheets. He sat up, grimacing at his slick palms.

He'd had a nightmare again.

He couldn't blame anyone but himself.

 

He'd dreamt about that morning.

Their production class bad just begun.

Namjoon had smiled at him that morning, and fallen into the seat beside him, as usual. As usual.

 

He was sprawled , all long legs , earnest eyes and dimpled smile , next to Yoongi, talking about some sort of koala, when the message had arrived.

 

Namjoon's eyes had lit up, imperceptibly.

He was excited.

He thought the call was for the scholarship.

That he'd gotten it.

As he deserved.

He'd bounded up, from his seat, throwing Yoongi a grin, before lumbering out.

That was the last time he'd seen Namjoon smile.

 

Of course , he didn't find out immediately. For what it was worth, he found out , like everyone else , later.

Kim Namjoon, the music prodigy, the obvious candidate for the music scholarship, the IQ 148 kid , the golden boy.

Plagiarism, plagiarism, plagiarism , plagiarism.

 

Yoongi had run to the bathroom, and puked his breakfast out.

As he sat , on the filthy bathroom floor , he rocked himself back to coherence.

Namjoon didn't need this , Namjoon had a perfect life , rich parents, supportive , didn't beat him, didn't starve him , supported him, loved him, funded him.

He would have gotten the scholarship, but he didn't need it.

Yoongi needed it.

He needed it so bad. And he wasn't going to get it

But now , he would. He could.

He cried some more.

 

The Ethics Committee hadn't taken too long to decide. Expulsion. Effective immediately.

 

Yoongi had seen Namjoon one more time, as he cleared his boxes out of the dorm.

He'd seen his hunched shoulders, his drooping frown, the bags under his eyes.

He'd seen the pain, the shame.

He'd seen him reach out , as though to plead please please please I promise I worked on it myself ,I wrote it myself , I bled , I burned for this , please believe me.

 

And though he never said it, Yoongi believed him . Of course he did. He'd seen the boy, sweat , and cry, and rage and exult over his composition.

He'd seen Namjoon slowly, and lovingly weave together a masterpiece.

He'd watched , as his only hope of staying on at this stupidly expensive University slipped through the beats of his own decidedly inferior composition.

 

And Namjoon didn't even need it.

 

Namjoon didn't need it. So it was alright. What Yoongi was going to do.

It was alright.

 

He needed it , and it was this need that brought him to Seokjin's doorstep, at 2 in the morning, his eyes red from exhaustion and tears.

 

And Seokjin had complied. That fucker. He knew. He knew , he could see right through Yoongi's skull, into his head.

So he'd giggled , rubbed his palms and asked , in his ridiculously saccharine voice , what Yoongi wanted.

And Yoong needed this.

 

So he'd asked Seokjin.

Stupid , stupid , stupid. He should have known.

He should have remembered.

But he needed this.

If Namjoon got this scholarship, it meant Yoongi would have to go back home. Whatever home was.

He'd have to go back to being that miserable , skinny, seventeen year old , who'd be willing to do anything , to spread his legs , open his mouth, starve and beg, for his music. Who'd fall at anyone's feet , as long as they would string his life along for a few more hours.

He'd have to go back to his ghost town, go back and stay there.

He couldn't..he'd ...he'd die and he couldn't , he didn't know what to do.

So he asked Seokjin.

To make sure that Yoongi won the scholarship, no matter the cost.

And Seokjin? He'd just laughed, gleeful, taunting, as he asked Yoongi to bring him a copy of Namjoon's song.

 

And it'd been so easy. Namjoon was so trusting , so sweet , so eager when Yoongi offered to look over his track for him.

He hadn't even asked for the pen drive back .



And Yoongi should have known. That Seokjin wouldn't make it easy. That he would make him bleed for it.

But he'd done it , and now there was no going back.

 

But there was no denying it. The relief. The pride. The twisted sense of content , as he deposited the scholarship amount in his account.

He needed this , and he had it.

 

But , despite everything , despite paying Seokjin's price, despite knowing that Namjoon had finally put himself back together, gotten a boyfriend , gotten a job, and gotten back his smile , Yoongi still had nightmares.

Nightmares where Joon could see right through him. Nightmares where everyone saw through his stupid facade , saw the real Min Yoongi, shriveled and black.

Nightmares where it didn't work, and nightmares where it did.

Nightmares, where Kim Seokjin stood over him, laughing , cooing , taunting.  

Nightmares where Namjoon stayed.

Nightmares where Namjoon left.

And nightmares , where Namjoon just stood there , crying , weeping , the froth from the sleeping pills still around his lips, shame , anger , regret , hatred, clouding his head, always tinged with Seokjin's lavendar rose scent.

Always.

 

Chapter Text

Jimin let his muscles scream, so he didn't have to listen to the screams inside his head.

 

Jump, turn, arch and fall.

 

The music battered its way through the mirrored walls of the studio. Jimin felt sweat snake down his back and stain his shirt.

But he couldn't stop, wouldn't stop.

Because if he stopped , he'd have to think, and he couldn't do that . Not again.

 

Why wouldn't Jungkook tell him? That it was his Yoongi that he was after? Why wouldn't Jungkook just leave him the fuck alone? He'd taken his place in the dance team, in their friend circle , Tae loved him. And now Yoongi was going to .

And Jimin would be left alone, as usual.

 

Turn, and bend , jump and fall. Twist and stop. Twist again.

 

He'd tried so hard. From the moment he'd seen the senior , he'd tried so hard , to get his attention, to steal his stupid smile , to have his eyes appreciate him. And love him. And tell him, that no matter what, he was wanted.

He'd orchestrated every chance encounter. What he wore , how he licked his lips, how he stuck his ass out. He tried his hardest to be pretty for Yoongi, and now this Jungkook, this lame kid , got what Jimin wanted.

And not because he'd earned it , or wanted it , like Jimin had.

Because Jimin had , with his own hands , propelled him to Kim Seokjin.

 

Jimin could almost see that evening , behind his eyelids , if he closed his eyes.

Yoongi and Jungkook, huddled around the bonfire , Yoongi laughing like he'd never seen him laugh .

With his arm around Jungkook, whispering something into Jungkook's ear that made the boy grin his own bunny smile , and cling a little closer to the pink haired man.

Jimin had watched , his heartbeat turning sour , as the two boys cuddled, laughed and giggled with each other.

There was still some paint on Jungkook's fingers , and left over smudges on Yoongi's cheekbones.

When Jimin asked him, later, Jungkook had slurred out ,an ' Hyungie let me paint him ' and promptly collapsed back into Yoongi's lap.

The older boy didn't even try and push him off.

 

And then, the fireworks had gone off , painting the night sky with a sun rise of reds and pinks and oranges. And Yoongi had pulled Jungkook in , by the collar , and kissed him, as the night exploded behind them .

 

Jimin felt like he was under water. Tae and Joon's screams , Jungkook's excited babbling and Yoongi's shy giggles , all seemed to fade into runny watercolors, as he shook his head , to clear his eyes of his tears.

 

Bend , and thrust. Stretch and curl , jump, twirl, bend back. Arch and stretch, arch and twirl. Jump and-

 

Jimin clattered onto the floor , with a pained shriek, his ankle screaming in pain.

He winced , as he brought the throbbing appendage forward, prodding gently at the skin.

It wasn't too bad. Would probably sting like a bitch but that's all.

He shook his head , and clambered to his feet, ignoring the slight bite of his swollen ankle.

 

He'd barely gathered his things , when he heard footsteps approach the studio.

He peeked out to see Hoseok walking towards him, earphones plugged in, swaying slightly to some silent beat.

 

Jimin made sure he was in Hoseok's line of sight , and then yelped , limping forward,dragging his ankle behind him .

Hoseok's attention snapped to Jimin immediately, concern clouding his features.

 

Good.

 

He sprinted toward Jimin, abandoning his backpack on the floor , before rushing to prop the shorter man up.

 

" Jiminie? Hey , Chim? You alright? Can you show hyung what hurts? "

 

Jimin slowly lifted his ankle, almost relishing at how Hoseok crooned in sympathy when he saw the reddening ball of his ankle.

 

" It's not much, Hoseokie , I'll manage. Don't worry."

 

No no , please worry about me , insist on taking me home , stay with me , don't listen to me.

 

Hoseok furrowed his eyebrows , gently lowering his ankle back to the ground.

" Alright , Jiminie , if you say you'll be alright. I mean, I could come with you ...if you want?"

 

Yes , yes I want you , come with me.

 

" No, no hyung , not at all, don't worry, I'll just go home and put my feet up."

 

"  Okay, then. If you're so sure. I do have to finish practice, for tonight. You're still coming , right?"

 

" T-tonight? What for?" Jimin asked , trying to bury his disappointment under nonchalance.

 

" Umm, Sooyeon's thing? The party? She invited all the best kids from the dance program. Something about a dance crew coming down from Busan, so there's gonna be this dance battle. And party afterwards? Didn't you get her text? "

 

Jimin felt his heart break. A little more.

His fingertips turned clammy , as he gripped onto the straps of his backpack, hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

What

 

" No, no I didn't get any message."

 

" Oh, um , well.." Hoseok fumbled , his ears turning red , as he figured. Of course Jimin hadn't been invited. Who even wanted him anywhere?

" Maybe she forgot, you know how those mass texts are. Besides, she probably forgot cause you're not on the group c-"

Hoseok trailed off , his neck burning , realising how he'd fucked up even more.

 

" G-group chat?"

 

" No, I mean, it's just this silly thing. You'd hate it anyway.  Anyway, I could , um , talk to Sooyeon? Get you an invite? If you want?"

 

" No, no that's okay , hyung. I mean, it's better if I just rest my foot , right?" Jimin forced out , the bitterness of his smile , making his jaws hurt.

 

" R-right. Yeah of course. We can't have our Jiminie hurt now can we?" Hoseok breathed out , in apparent relief. " I'll see you tomorrow , in class then? "

 

" Yeah hyung , see you tomorrow."

 

As soon as the studio's doors swung shut behind him, Jimin began to run.

Through the biting wind, and the freezing tears on his cheeks , blood rushing to his lips as he gnawed on them, ripping them raw and bloody.

 

Why , why , why

He'd tried so hard , lost all that weight , become pretty, become sweet.

And yet.

No one wanted him

 

Left foot , right foot , left foot , right foot, turning , skidding , and almost slipping on the slick pavement, before he rounded the last curb .

 

He was almost immediately struck by the cookies , and rose , and lavender.

 

Tears blurring his eyesight , he pushed the wooden door open.

 

He raised his blood shot eyes , to the gorgeous man at the counter. Bit back a sob. Choked.

 

" You have to help me."

 

And the man, Kim Seokjin, only smiled.

He walked up to Jimin, held his hand , offered him tea , and rubbed his back , until he was coherent again .

 

And then, with the sweetest and most hypnotic voice Jimin had ever heard , he whispered, " Tell, me , darling. How can I help you?"

Chapter Text

  

Jimin stuck two fingers down his throat, gagging around them.

He felt a sigh of relief escape , as he felt the contents of his stomach empty into the toilet bowl.

 

Two whole burgers. Two . What had he been thinking?

 

He stood up, shakily, bracing himself against the cool bathroom tiles, as he flushed the toilet and stumbled back into the bedroom.

 

He stumbled to the dresser , his head still woozy from having thrown up his only meal for the day.

You'd think, having done this for four years would've normalised Jimin's body to the whole process , but clearly, it wasn't even capable of adapting to the single thing that kept it from being thrown off of a steep cliff, or force fed with pills, like Jimin sometimes intended.

He sighed.

Today was a good day, though .

He'd been invited to dinner . Invited. Him. They wanted him.

Of course , it was only the usual gang , but after yesterday night's fiasco, he felt infinitely better at the thought of being surrounded by people who wanted him there.

 

Kim Seokjin was truly a miracle worker.

 

He'd soothed Jimin's tears from his face , comforted him, and let him shake until he felt steady enough to speak.

 

And then, he'd promised to make everything better.

 

He'd promised to give Jimin exactly what he wanted : someone who'd love him, who'd want him, who'd be so taken in by him that they'd ignore his scars , and the way he flinched every time someone came too close.

 

And he'd done it.  

 

First thing in the morning, Yoongi had messaged him.

Yoongi had messaged him.

And he'd invited Jimin to have dinner. He'd been concerned about Jimin's foot.

He'd offered to pick him up.

He'd said he felt like they didn't hang out much anymore.

He handed Jimin back his smile.

 

Jimin couldn't help but grin into the mirror, as he adjusted his bangs. He'd gotten such a wonderful gift and at such a low price.

Jin had just said that he wanted a taste tester for some of his recipes. He'd send them over , later, for Jimin to try.

 

He brushed back his hair one more time, before glossing his lips and fixing his shirt.

 

Yoongi would be here soon.

 

                  




Jimin felt , almost a sense of euphoria, as he gazed at Yoongi. Glasses clinked in the background, someone was cackling , and there were sounds of cutlery clattering to the floor, and someone gently chastising the culprit.

But that was background noise. His focus , was on the pink haired man , sitting beside him. Jimin had almost fist pumped , when Yoongi had opted to sit beside him rather than with Jungkook, across the table.

This evening was going so perfectly.

He'd had Yoongi's attention, through the car ride , and at dinner.

He hadn't given his boyfriend , as much thought as he'd given Jimin.

Clearly, that meant , everything was working.

He bit down a grin. It's not that he wanted to steal Kookie's boyfriend , but then, if Jungkook hadn't taken what was his , in the first place , none of this would have happened .

Besides, Jimin knew Yoongi had checked his ass out.

He hadn't done that for Jungkook.

He hadn't even looked at Jungkook.

 

He was shaken out of his reverie , when he felt a heavy, long fingered hand rest on his shoulder .

He startled , into reality, only to meet with Hoseok's wide eyes , concern so apparent , that Jimin had to almost fight down the urge to scream that he was okay, he was wanted , Yoongi hyung was his , he wasn't that stupid , ugly Jimin anymore.  

 

Instead , he just grinned a little wider , clasping onto Hoseok's hand, and squeezing it.

 

It was alright , everything was going to be alright.

 

He felt their little bubble pop, as a voice shook humour of his floaty headspace.

 

" Delivery, for Park Jimin?"

Jimin swiveled in his chair , to behold a delivery man, clutching a large box, tapping his feet impatiently. His expression of surprise mirrored that of everyone in the group, who'd paused their respective conversation to gape at Jimin.

 

What .

 

" Is there a Park Jimin here or what? Oh, you? Can you sign here please? Alright. Thank you. Goodnight."

 

And Jimin was left , with a box , that smelled of heaven, and enough questions to turn his head inside out.

 

" Mm that smells amazing , Jiminie. Are those donuts? But why...did you order food at a restaurant Jiminie ? Wah, you're something else." Taehyung exclaimed, clambering up from where he'd been sprawled across Namjoon, to peer at the box.

 

Jimin shook his head in surprise. He hadn't ordered anything.

Why would he?

And here?

How odd.

 

He traced his fingers over the cream card , framed in gold , that was stuck over the box.  

 

He flipped it open, and began to read.

 

His ears began to ring , and his vision began to swim.

He felt like puking , like running , like hiding.  

 

Jiminie,

This box has twenty donuts.

I made them myself, I hope you like them.

I want you to sit , at your table.

Don't move.

Eat each and every donut in that box , before you get up.

You can't share , you can't throw anything..

Try anything funny , and that stupid , blonde , tall best friend of yours , dies.

Baby, don't you understand?

If you want someone to love you,

First, you have to remember why they shouldn't .

Why they wouldn't

Why you don't deserve it

Bon Appetit

 

Love

Kim Seokjin

 

Chapter Text

 

Jimin opened the box , and took a bite.

The donuts were heavenly.

Chocolate and caramel, soft and buttery, like spun sunshine.

He felt like throwing up .

 

Jimin- ah, are you sure want an extra piece?

 

No, no no he didn't want to eat, he didn't feel like eating , this wasn't how it was supposed to be , please ,please , he'd worked so hard.

 

Jimin-ah you've been such a good pet , so careful, do you really want to waste it , and for what? Some sugar? That's not right , is it? What use do I have for you, if you aren't my pretty baby ?

 

Taehyung looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as he watched his friend stuff his face.

The entire table , for that matter , kept glancing over , uncomfortably, eyes flickering to Jimin , muted disgust at his gluttony saturating the air.

 

See that? Chim? See how everybody looks at you. Baby, do you like the fact that everyone can see what a pig you are? Looking so fucking fat , maybe I should replace you with one of the prettier girls here, you have to know that all the girls in the office like me. At least I can take them out without having to be so embarrassed.

 

Jungkook leaned over , from where he was nestled between Namjoon and Hoseok.

" Hyung, can I pleeeeeease have a bite? "

 

Jimin shook his head , his eyes wild , his heartbeat even wilder. He felt like throwing up, his stomach, so carefully trained to subsist on nothing , was screaming in agony. He wanted nothing more than to stop.

 

" Seriously? Can you even finish it , yourself?"

 

Jiminie are you really going to finish all that by yourself? No , baby, it doesn't matter if your Eomma sent it for you. It has to go, baby. Don't you want to look pretty , for Daddy?

 

" Jimin, Jimin sweetie , if you keep eating , you're going to throw up.".

 

That's right Jiminie , throw it all up. Mm that's my good baby. That's right , it's going to be okay. You're the prettiest, baby, the most gorgeous baby. You're going to be good for Daddy? Yes? Then don't disappoint him by sneaking off and eating dinner outside , when I thought we decided you were only going to get lunch , everyday. Oh baby, don't look at me like that, you know I'm doing this only so you stay pretty and I don't have to get rid of you. That's what we both want , right?

 

Jimin felt the tears pour down his face , as he swallowed the crumbs of the sixteenth donut. His head felt woozy, his skin felt like it was on fire , and his stomach felt like it was going to burst.

And Yoongi and everyone else was looking at him, oh no , no no, now they were going to know , now they could see how ugly , how unattractive , how disgusting , what a pig he was. They wouldn't want him anymore. Who would want him, why would they? He was filthy, ugly, and an embarrassment.

 

That's right , Jiminie, suck Daddy's dick, just like that. NO ! YOU CAN'T STOP YOU FUCKING WHORE!  All you do with that mouth is eat, get fat, and embarrass me , at least put it to some use.

 

The nineteenth one lodged itself into Jimin's , stealing his breath, and making him pant in pain, clutching his stomach.

He wondered if he'd actually ever gotten over Minwoo.

His head swam .

He could see everyone's concerned faces, their meals long abandoned. Tae looked almost hysterical with fear , gripping onto Namjoon so hard , Jimin wondered if it would bruise.

This was it, wasn't it.

They'd never want him, again .

Yoongi would never.  

They could see now , how putrid , how disgusting, how gluttonous he was.

How he was lowly, and fat.

How his abs melted into a puddle of flab and tears.

How he felt like his years of fasting , of pushing and pulling himself to bits , of making sure he was pretty enough to never be left again, he was back, back to Minwoo, back to being ugly. Back to being alone.

And all, in the name of love.

 

He shoved the last donut into his mouth, managing to swallow it down .

 

For a few seconds , he felt like he was weightless, like he was floating , like his world was blurring together , and being torn apart.

 

He threw up.

He fainted.

 

 

Chapter Text

" It's like I'm burning alive , and Jimin is both water and kindling. I can't get away from him, I can't get close enough to him. And I don't even know where this came from, I mean. I've never even thought about him, like that. How could I? He trusted me and after..after everything. I can't.

 

Anyway. It started on the morning of the night that landed Jiminie in the hospital. It's crazy. I just woke up, and suddenly, I felt like I should be waking up next to him, stroking his hair , in the sunlight , burying my face into his shoulder as he cooks and we dance.  

 

And it's crazy, right? I think it's crazy.

 

I don't know why I'm being like this. You have no idea, how my heart literally felt like it was being ripped apart when I saw Jiminie doing that , eating like that , stuffing himself to the point where he fainted. Oh, he's alright now , Tae hasn't left his side. I stayed that night , and the entire of the next day. And I don't understand. Why would he do something like that? I mean, even though he says he's gotten over Minwoo , that's the crazy ex boyfriend, he hasn't put one toe out of line , his ribs are almost always concave. I remember him, in fact , having a fucking panic attack, when he found out that some stuff he'd been snacking on, had a higher calorie count, or something. It's crazy . Right?

 

But that's not the issue. I mean, it is an issue , but, that isn't it. I was sitting next to him, right? Everyone else had gone home. It was getting late , and Jiminie was asleep. And suddenly, and I swear I've never thought of him like that, suddenly, I felt this , this need . I felt like marking him up, taking him apart and bringing him back down . I felt like ...burying my face into his neck and finding that spot under his ear that would make him cry out , and whimper. I wanted to paint him a constellation of fingerprints and bruises. I wanted to...I wanted to make him mine. Make him cry, and beg, and whimper and fall apart. Taste my name on his lips...I ...I got a fucking boner. In a goddamn hospital. For a boy who's sick and who's literally been like a brother and I...I can't help it. It's driving me crazy. I tried to sleep it off , to distract myself , to jerk off, it doesn't matter. I go right back to wanting him, so , so bad.

 

And that's , that's still not it. That's not the problem. Jiminie , he hasn't told anyone but me and Tae. I wasn't there when it happened, but Jiminie told me. He was having this panic attack and I was there and he ….told me.

 

This...this Minwoo. Jimin met him young. He fell in love. He was still learning at the studio and working a coffee shop, and Minwoo was one of his regular patrons. Jimin never told me how everything happened, how he fell in love, but he did. It was all great, for six months. And then Jimin got typhoid and messed up his body and overworked himself . Something hormonal? And he started putting on weight, started bloating. And he wasn't even that heavy, you could still lift him up , easy. 

Minwoo, he snapped. He began to force Jimin into these extreme diets , force feed him diet pills, limit the food he ate and the people he saw. Everytime he had some big office event , he'd not let Jimin eat for days before. That kid...he ate cabbage and fruit, for two whole years. But it wasn't enough . Jimin was never enough for that fucking bastard. He made him puke till his gullet was raw and he threw up blood. He made him run and exercise till he was about to faint. And he fucked with Jimin's  head so much that he thought Minwoo was doing this for him.

 

But that was never it. He'd come home drunk , out of his mind and he'd beat Jimin with his belt. He'd throw things at him, and bruise him and make him bleed. According to Jimin, he'd told Taehyung only much later. And while Taehyung knew something, he didn't know everything. Jimin made him promise...that he'd only call the cops if Jimin fainted. He wanted to fix that fucking monster , because he saw him as the only person that ever wanted him.

 

And then of course , the rape. He'd fuck Jimin, when he liked , how he liked , raw , sick, asleep, awake , begging , scared , delirious. And if Jimin ever tried to stop him, or say no, or try and run, he'd beat him into submission. He broke his arms , his wrist, his ribs, Jimin was like a sunset of blood and bruises. It came to a point where Jimin was so fucking scared of saying anything, that he'd submit to Minwoo's most degraded fantasies...he...he let Minwoo tie him up, gag him, burn and tear at him.

The day Tae finally called cops was when Jimin hadn't picked up the phone sir answered messages for a week.

 

When they finally found him, he was tied up in their fucking basement. And why? Because he'd gone to see Jihyun's baby .

 

I..I .. how am I supposed to justify wanting a boy who couldn't bear anyone's touch for months after he was rescued?   I know, and despite knowing , how can I want him or expect him to want me back, it's ..it's sick and disgusting and I can't live with myself but I can't live without him either. It's taken him so much time for him to get over everything , to forget everything and stand on his own two feet. How can I expect him to get back down on his knees for me? It's...I need help. I need something that'll just make everything go away so he's my Jiminie, my baby, mine to only protect. Nothing else. Please.

 

You have to help me."



The man sitting by the window stood back up, his hair more pink than blonde in the sinking sunlight. He walked over to where he was sitting , and placed a comforting arm over the shorter boy's shoulder.

 

" Hoseok-ssi , I'm deeply pained to hear of your friend's misfortunes. Please, you must know that I will do everything to make this go away. Don't worry , you can trust me."

 

Hoseok unfurled from the couch, and wiped at his watery eyes, standing to grasp at the taller man's hand , his eyes shining in gratitude.

 

" You...you can? I'd be eternally grateful, if you'd help me , I ..wouldn't have come to you if it wasn't extreme. A friend of mine sent me to you. Jungkookie? He's very taken by you. Anyway, thank you so, so much, I'll be forever indebted to you. "

 

" Oh Hoseok-ssi. Please , don't worry. I will do everything in my capacity, everything , to soothe your and your friend's pain. You can trust me. Everything is going to be just fine. Now , before you go, would you like some more tea?"

Seokjin said , smiling as wide as he could. 

 

Chapter Text

 

The sky was the same sticky sweet colour as the lollipop that rolled between Jimin's lips.

 

It blushed a darker purple, as the night fell, bringing out the lights in Seoul and the stars in Jimin's eyes.

 

The vibrant pink of Jimin's laugh bled through the runny colours of his vision.

 

He reached out to take his hand.

 

They fell over each other , melting , blending and separating .

Jimin had pleaded so prettily , begged to be allowed to celebrate his release from the hospital.

 

So they went to get drunk .

 

They ran through the empty streets , slipping , falling, standing back up, and falling back into their own little cosmos.

 

They drank until the ajhumma threw them out , and then drank some more by the river , and then drank a little more as they stumbled through the alleys of the city .

 

The alcohol kept ripping reality from him, leaving him to grasp at Jimin as his only anchor. He tried to focus on one colour , on one smell , on one feeling , but he always came back to the glitter in Jimin's giggles and the strawberry of his hair.

 

Hoseok's head spun, leaving him gasping at the muddled kaleidoscope that was his consciousness...maybe taking that one extra little pill had been...a bad decision.

 

But was it , though? For the first time in three days , he felt free , he felt like he'd grown wings and could fly far , far away from this mess, this hurt. Everything. He felt like , if he dipped down to kiss Jimin, he'd kiss back.

 

He lay by the river , Jimin's hands grasped tightly in his own, as they counted stars they didn't know the names of and told stories of dreams and happiness and sadness.

 

Maybe Hoseok did want him to love him. Maybe he did want to hold onto Jimin forever , to learn how his smiles tasted , to know what it would feel like to wake up to his sunshine and kiss the stars under his eyelids goodnight.

Maybe he didn't want this to go away.

 

Maybe this was his forever.

 

" H..h.. Hoseokie...my hooooseokie. You know I love you , right? I luuuiiirv you so much, come dance with me , please.? Please?"

And Hoseok was a weak, weak man .

 

He let Jimin hang off of him.

He let Jimin sway with him, grasping his waist to anchor the both of them in the present.

Buried his head in Jimin's shoulder , and breathed in relief and strawberries.

Let himself be rocked , let himself be loved , just for a little.

Let all the colours and the sounds and the emotions and the fear and everything just drip away to stain the pavement below their feet.

He let everything fall away, leaving behind just , him.

 

And Jimin was looking at him, like that .

Like Hoseok could be , to him, what he was , to Hoseok .

Like they could be an 'us'.

Let they could be a future.

Like they could tell their kids about the time dad pulled appa to dance to invisible music , under the stars, drunk and high out of their minds , wrapped in the safety of their own galaxy .

 

So when he ducked down to push his lips against Jimin's and he felt the younger , smaller boy, curl into him, pushing back, he felt like he'd completed a puzzle he never knew he even had the pieces for.

 

It felt...right.

 


 

 

Hoseok was woken by the thundering of his door. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes,and sleepily surveyed the room.

The beginnings of a migraine dug it's fingernails under his scalp, threatening to tear him apart.

He stumbled to the door , pushing it open, only for a manic Taehyung, to burst through it.

He looked wild , his hair sticking up in all directions, his eyes still red with sleep and fury.

He reached out for Taehyung's shoulder, to ask for an explanation.

His breath was knocked out of his lungs , when Taehyung spun on him, grabbing his collar , and roughly pushing him.

" Where is he?? Where the fuck is he! What the hell did you do to him?" he screamed , tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

 

Oh. Oh fuck.

Jimin.

 

Jimin

 

He joined Taehyung , as he darted through the apartment, stopping with his heart in his mouth, as they reached the bathroom.

The water was running.

 

" Jiminie , Chim? Baby, it's me , Tae. Sweetie, can you talk to me? Please , Jimin, please. Just tell me you're okay."

 

They shared a look of panic.

Guilt began to precipitate in Hoseok's stomach .

 

What had he done?

 

" Jimin, please please , please. "

 

Taehyung then stepped back, and reached for a paper clip, from the desk. He began to juggle the lock, the rhythmic complaints of the lock barely drowning out the thudding of their hearts.

 

The lock clicked open.

 

Taehyung rushed in first. He let out a cry, surging forward.

There was some splashing , some groaning , and muted sobs.

 

Hoseok felt faint

 

Jimin was sitting by the bathtub, water pouring out from behind him. His lips were already blueing.

 

Taehyung held onto him, hugging him tightly, rocking him and soothing the life back into the boy.

 

Hoseok took a step forward.

 

And he watched.

As Jimin flinched away, hiding further into Taehyung's shoulder.

As Taehyung turned back to glare at him.

As he tried to approach Jimin, only for the boy to squirm away in fear.

 

What had he done.

 

Jimin answered for him.

 

In a trembling voice , thinned by tears and the cold, he whispered , barely audible, " Hoseokie, he..he..Hoseokie raped me."

Chapter Text

 

The pounding on his door shook him out of the last dregs of his fitful slumber.

He hadn't been able to sleep...ever since. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Jimin begging, pleading and crying to be let go. He saw Jimin being pushed into the same hole he'd spent forever trying to climb out of. He saw Jimin bleeding and blooming with bruises, scared, trembling, his eyes filled with a fear so potent that it painted Hoseok's nightmares black.

 

Hoseok had done this.

 

He'd let himself go, despite knowing everything, despite knowing that it was wrong. He'd forced himself on Jimin when they were drunk.

There was no excuse.

 

He couldn't forgive himself, he didn't deserve that.

 

The pounding got louder.

 

He stumbled into the living room and flung open the door, only to see Namjoon, flushed, panicked and clearly upset.

" Seok are you okay? Did they tell you yet? What did the college say? Have you heard from them yet?" Namjoon blabbered, unfettered by Hoseok's state of confusion.

" J-Joonie, is everything okay? I'm ...I'm alright, really. Why, did something happen...did Jimin ...is he alright?"

 

" Seok, haven't you...have you checked your phone?"

 

Hoseok shook his head, still confused. Namjoon let out a sigh and took Hoseok's hand between his own.

 

" The tape...there was this video submitted to the University...where you admitted to raping Jimin. They... they're discussing expulsion. I heard about it while I was fixing the computer in the Main Office. Apparently someone mailed them a clip,today morning, where you came out and admitted to raping Jiminie..Seokie. I've known you so long. You wouldn't do that, right? You would never...gosh I must be crazy. Jung Hoseok and hurting Jiminie . Tell me it's a lie. Tell me you didn't do it and we can figure out something...I was just thin-"

 

" It's true."

 

Namjoon flinched away, eyes wide.

 

" S-seok?"

 

" I fucking raped him, Namjoon. I got drunk and I lost control and I raped him, okay?"

 

Namjoon jolted away, like he'd been slapped. Hoseok watched with calm detachment, as he watched the emotions of disbelief,confusion,anger and disgust, run their ticker tape across Namjoon's face.

 

He stood up.

 

" Anyway I just wanted to let you know that they're probably going to expel you. I don't know if Jimin wants to press charges, he hasn't said anything yet. But for what it's worth, I hope you fucking rot in jail. It's because of assholes like you that..fuck you."

 

And then Namjoon stalked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

 

Hoseok couldn't move. He couldn't blame Namjoon, he felt just as disgusted and furious. He couldn't get up and walk back to the bed, or go to campus. Nightmares awaited him at both ends.

 

He felt like throwing up the single apple he'd eaten.

 

Namjoon was right...he deserved to fucking rot.

 

He... he'd known, he knew about Jimin. He'd still done it. Like an animal...no, worse than an animal. He'd taken a fucking hurt child and forced it into submission.

 

He'd become everything he wanted to protect Jimin from.

 

He fucking hated himself.






The wind razored through his hair, tousling it. He made his way toward the intimidating building, his heart beating faster than he could keep track, his breaths short and nervous.

 

Please report to the main campus building. This is regarding your behaviour towards a student, Park Jimin. Your expulsion will be decided by the Ethics Committee.

 

Blood roared in his ears. He deserved this. He deserved everything. He deserved to be kicked out.

He rounded the corner and ducked into the glass building, the collar of his button down feeling stifling, even in the winter.

The elevator dinged as he stepped into the office.

 

The next hour was a blur of accusing fingers and words of absolute distaste. The very processors who probably saw him as a responsible and dependable student were now looking at him with barely veiled disgust and anger.

 

He couldn't even blame them when they told him that he was going to be removed from the University. They didn't want a rapist.

Whether Jimin pressed charges or not was up to him, but he was clearly not welcome back, either way.

 

He felt like crying.

He'd worked himself to the bone, not just to get into this damn school but to pay for it and for his life in Seoul.

And all of it , gone. What for?

Something that ...felt right?

 

He shook his head.

He barely caught the tail end of the dean's speech.

 

" - and if Yoongi-ssi hadn't sent that video in, we'd have a predator on the loose. It may have been a drunken mistake , Hoseok-ssi but we can't further risk the safety of our students…"

 

Hoseok's mind blanked out.

Yoongi? What video?

 

" Excuse me , ma'am , what video are you ...I didn't..."

 

" It's a video of the two of you? In Yoongi's room I assume. You were talking to him about what had happened and you said, clearly, that you'd raped Park Jimin...it's not very long but it says everything that we need to...you can try contesting it legally , but . ."

 

Hoseok, yet again, wasn't listening.

 

He saw red.






"Y..Yoongi ..hyung I think I raped him."

 

" Hush Hoseokie, don't cry, don't cry, tell hyung, tell me what happened and I'll fix it. Do you want me to get some water? Or ask Jungkookie?"

 

" N-n-o hyung I hope I didn't interrupt.."

 

" Rubbish, Seok, tell me what's wrong."

 

" Hyung , Jiminie wanted to...he said he wanted to celebrate, so we...we out drinking. And we took a pill and I..I know it was so irresponsible, and I shouldn't have..but I think I kissed him..and when I woke up the next morning..he said...hyung he said I raped him. Hyung how could I have? I'm...I'm so fucking sick of myself...I can't..I couldn't apologize..he flinched away from me."

 

" Seok, come on, are you sure, you couldn't have...I know you love Jiminie, you would never think about it like that."

 

" No, no hyung...I remember bits and pieces. I remember Jiminie saying no, I remember ripping at his shirt...I remember him crying and sobbing and apologizing...and I ...I didn't stop, hyung, and I promise , I never wanted to...I didn't want to hurt him, you know I wouldn't.."

 

" Seok. I believe you. I believe you. I know you wouldn't have done it. Maybe Jiminie gave his consent? You were both drunk, this isn't all your fault."

 

" Hyung , Jiminie said that after Minwoo, he'd never be able to have sex again...he couldn't have wanted it. It was me, it was all me."

 

" Oh Seokie, Seok, please don't cry, let hyung hold you. I trust you, you wouldn't have touched anyone like that….come here , let me hug you. Oh Jungkookie? Hoseok was just upset, he needs me right now. Why don't I take a raincheck on dinner? I'll call you."







Hoseok flew into the studio, and grabbed Yoongi's collar, slamming him against the wall.

He was already crying.

 

" Hoseok, what the fuck?"

 

" Don't fucking...don't pretend like you don't know what happened. I ...I fucking found out from Namjoon! That you fucking betrayed me...you said…YOU SAID YOU WERE THERE FOR ME!"

 

He pushed Yoongi away, the trailer man crashing into the desk and sending notebooks flying.

 

" What the hell are you on, Hoseok, I'd never betray you...and I'm there for you, trust m-"

 

Yoongi barely had time to register the swooshing wind, before he felt his head spin and his mouth bleed.

 

" Did you just fucking punch me? HOSEOK WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

 

" WHY ARE YOU STILL LYING YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I KNOW...I SAW EVERYTHING...THE VIDEO ..WHY WOULD YOU EVEN HAVE A CAMERA ON IN YOUR ROOM? AND WHY WOULD YOU SEND A FUCKING….you said you were with me...you said you believed me.." Hoseok broke off, whimpering, his eyes and heart burning in equal measure. He could feel his heart physically break.

 

He'd known his Yoongi hyung since they were teens with terrible haircuts. They'd grown up together, come to Seoul together, they'd seen each other at their best and their worst.

 

" Jung Hoseok what bloody video are you talking about ...and recording? I don't have anything to record with, except my webcam...and I didn't even have it on...what even? "

 

" Hyung, the dean called me today to expel me. Someone sent them a video through your email, of us , of what I told you ..just you. There wasn't anyone else, in the fucking room hyung. And who'd use your email id...if you had to, you could have told me...you didn't have to be that way."

 

" I still don't know what the hell you're talking about...I'd never.."

 

" Oh but you would, wouldn't you? You're so fucking bitter that you can't let anyone be. You're so bloody miserable that you HATE it when there's no one in your fucking sinking ship to keep you company. First Namjoonie, then me.."

 

Yoongi fell back, as though Hoseok had punched him again.

 

"W..what are you even talking about?"

 

" Oh hyung , just stop. You think Namjoon didn't know what you did to stay in the game?"

 

" What? No I wouldn't..Hoseok, I'm not.."

 

" Hyung. A week after Namjoon was kicked out, he went to track down the artist who published his track on YouTube. It took him a long time...but when he found the guy, he was obviously pissed. But do you want to know what the guy said?"

 

" Hoseok, you have to listen.."

 

" He said that he'd been contacted by an aspiring artist who begged him to take his track and publish it under his own label,if he liked it...just to, just to start somewhere.The guy said okay, he loved the song. So he put vocals to it and released it. He said his agreement with the artist was concrete. He signed a contract and everything. Do you want to know who's name was on the damn contract, hyung?"

 

" No ..no please Hoseok I swear I didn't do any of this..I just...I didn't mean to"

 

" Min Yoongi. That was the name. And do you want to know what happened after? The artist said he'd suport Namjoon so he could bring it up with the Uni and get him back into his degree, get his name cleared up ...his career back, he could have gotten everything back. And do you want to know what he did?"

 

" Hoseok..I'm sorry...I'm s-"

 

" Don't fucking touch me. Do you know what Namjoon said? He said that if he brought it up with the Uni, they'd kick you out for all this fuckery. They'd throw you out and you'd have no home, no family, no career...he said music was your entire damn life and that you didn't deserve for all of it to be taken away …he told me not to say anything...he said that we shouldn't be different around you...said he trusted you, you must have had your reasons, hmm? Poor Namjoon, he didn't know how wrong he was. Do you get off to it? Some fucking power thing? Where you fuck around with our lives, and for what? ANSWER ME FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

 

" Hoseok, I swear, I swear I didn't do anything, I didn't….I don't want to hurt you...for Namjoon, I just, I needed that so badly.."

 

" Take your damn excuses and shove them, Yoongi. I don't want to see you fucking face, it makes me sick. Think about it,Yoongi,the only three people who'd even look twice at your damaged, lonely ass, and you've gotten two kicked out of college already. What about when you drive Jungkookie away with how fucking toxic you are? Will you change? Or will you kill yourself like your mom did?"

 

And then Hoseok left, Yoongi blubbering on the floor, his heart in tatters between his fingers.






"I didn't think it would work as well as it did, to be honest. I don't think Hoseok and Yoongi hyung will ever get back together. Thanks so much, hyung , I owe you."

 

Seokjin ruffled Jungkook's hair, as the younger boy leaned across the counter.

 

" Anything for my favourite baby. Tell me, are you hungry? I have chicken?"

 

" Mm alright. Thanks hyung. Anyway, what I wanted to ask was, how on earth did you find a video of Yoongi and Hoseok from his bedroom . Yoongi hyung wouldn't have recorded…"

 

" Ahh, Kookie, I have my ways. Remember, don't try and ask how. You got what you wanted, didn't you? Hoseok thinks Yoongi betrayed him to the Uni and got him kicked out. That kind of burn doesn't heal soon. You won't have to worry about them, again."

 

" Ahh, that's good news, that's great hyung. You can't imagine how mad I was. Yoongi hyung cancelled a date to cuddle with that...snake. I mean, he wouldn't want that...Hoseok over me, right? And they spent the whole day like that, cuddling and hugging. As if Hoseok could ever steal him from me, he's mine? He wouldn't , he wouldn't have already let Hoseok do anything right? Anyway. I don't care. They're never going to have even a semblance of a relationship left, so that's good. Yoongi hyung usually remembers, but occasionally I have to remind him the hard way, that he's mine."

 

" Hm, would you like Soju with the chicken?"

Chapter Text

 

Yoongi can't ever remember not being in love with Jung Hoseok.

They grew up together, in a shitty town, around shittier people, with matching bowl cuts and bruises. Hoseok's from the boys at school and Yoongi's, from the man at home.

They breathed the same desperation, the same hunger, the same manic need to get away .

They lined their lungs with cigarette smoke and glittery dreams, sucking on candy and getting into trouble.

Hoseok was the first person to see Yoongi cry. Yoongi was Hoseok's first kiss. Both happened on the same night.

 

Sometimes, when the night began to look like the inside of his head , Hoseok liked to tell himself a little story.

Of a pale, gorgeous boy, an angel, fallen among smouldering ruins. Of a raspy voice and lacy fingers carding through his hair, of phantom notes of a piano lulling him to sleep. Of a smile, rare and beautiful, like an eclipse. Of a love so potent and so powerful, he wondered how Yoongi hadn't realised how smitten the younger boy was, for him.

 

The story he told himself, was of a night, when neither Hoseok nor Yoongi could sleep.

Yoongi had just moved in, he barely ate, or spoke, or smiled. Understandable. He'd lost everything.

Hoseok had been lying on the couch, Yoongi perched on the window sill, and someone's phone was playing some soft ballad.

Yoongi had looked so ethereal, dripping moonlight and diamonds, that glistened in his dark hair, danced across his lips and slipped beneath the collar of his loose white shirt.

Hoseok wanted to kiss him, so so bad. His fingers itched to bury themselves in Yoongi's scent, his mouth wanted to latch onto the soft hollow of his neck and his heart strained to reach out and just... touch.

 

Yoongi had hated himself. Sitting by the windowsill, glaring out at the stupid, horrible place that took his music, his mother , his laughter, his dreams, and simply spat back at him, a mixture of dirt, defeat and exhaustion.

Yoongi felt stifled, like the walls of the room were rushing in to shatter his skull.

But then.

He'd turned to look back, at Hoseok,sprawled across the couch, looking so soft, and so sleepy, that Yoongi had to physically restrain himself from simply melting into him.

He'd barely managed to rip his thoughts to pieces, when Hoseok looked at him.

And smiled.

Suddenly things stopped looking like they'd be always stained with the black of soot and the white of a corpse.

Suddenly, Yoongi began to think in colour.

 

Hoseok felt like all the butterflies in his head had exploded around him, trapping the two of them in some sort of psychedelic moment, their thoughts and feelings rushing to cocoon them in a bubble, that spelt Him and I.

The way Yoongi was looking at him, like he wanted him, like he trusted him, like he loved him, sent sparks flying to the very tips of his fingers.

Yoongi was looking at him like he was beautiful.

 

It could have been either of them, but the next thing Yoongi knew, he was crushed against Hoseok's lean body, a hand wrapped his waist, kissing him like he was the only thing keeping him alive.

Which wasn't so far from the truth.

He pressed insistently against his lips, licking, nipping, tasting, and breathing . Hoseok began to let out little whimpers and giggles, making it difficult for Yoongi to keep at where he was. So he changed tactic, and latched onto his jaw, sucking as many marks as he could into the tanned skin.

Anything, anything to remind him that he was alive, that he could do this.

 

Yoongi fell apart, across Hoseok's fingers, so beautifully, almost unfurling like the notes of a Sonata, beneath the pads of his fingers.

He looked almost unreal, his skin flushed, his eyes hooded, his cheeks stained red, and his lips swollen, ad he squirmed and begged and pleaded, until Hoseok decided to give in.

 

They fit together like they were shards of the same broken glass.

 

As Hoseok rocked into him, Yoongi's whispers became even more frantic, murmuring words of encouragement and delirious pleasure, so lost, so beautiful.

 

Together they burned, aggravated by the air the Yoongi knocked from Hoseok's lungs as he panted and writhed under him, and the air he fed back to him, as he gasped out his name.

 

Yoongi felt as though he'd been shoved into some cloud, some heaven, some state of euphoria, as he came, crying out Hoseok's name. As he blubbered, he let himself slip.

 

He let himself whisper to Hoseok, who was still chasing his own release, what he'd wanted to say to him, and what he wanted to keep saying to him, for ever and then some..

 

Hoseok felt tears prick at his eyes, as he wiped Yoongi clean. What they'd had, what they shared, what he wanted.

Everything was so utopic.

Maybe, in another life, where Yoongi didn't just want some cheap stress relief and Hoseok wasn't so fucking scared, he'd tell him everything.

Tell him how he lit up his stupid life, how he made him want to run away, but with a ticket for two. Tell him how, sometimes, he was the only thing that kept him from falling asleep forever.

And so, as he pulled the blanket over the two of them, he pressed his lips to the other's forehead and whispered.

I love you

 

Yoongi remembered how he'd wept softly, as Hoseok had cleaned them up. He remembered falling asleep, wanting, for the first time, to wake up just so he could see the sun on Hoseok's hair.

He remembered the way Hoseok smiled and kissed his forehead one last time, before snuggling into him.

He remembered pushing the sweaty bangs out of his eyes, and kissing the tip of his nose, before whispering into his ear.

I love you.

Maybe Hoseok heard him, maybe he didn't

 

Maybe Yoongi had heard him or maybe he hadn't .

 

They never spoke of it again.







Yoongi woke up gasping, tears streaming from his face, the feeling of Hoseok's hair still tingling under his finger tips.

 

No , this was wrong. He had Jungkook. He couldn't...not when he thought he loved Jungkook.

 

He sat up, still sweaty, as he stumbled to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water and crashed into the couch.

 

His heart physically hurt.

He'd barely been able to breathe, after Hoseok had stormed out of his apartment.

Namjoon had...he'd known? And he'd refused to….no no no it made no sense, Hoseok was lying. He was lying.

No no no, he'd hurt Namjoon too much, he didn't deserve his kindness, he didn't fucking want his kindness.

He wanted Namjoon to scream and curse at him like Hoseok.

He wanted him to get him kicked out.

He wanted to be done with all the guilt and the pain and the lies.

 

And Hoseok. Hoseok didn't trust him.

 

Yoongi had no idea what Hoseok had been talking about, but he sure as hell would never ever hurt him, no matter the personal cost.

 

He powered his phone on, and suddenly, it became difficult to breathe.

 

It was a picture of Namjoon's graduation ceremony. Hoseok had his arm around Namjoon and was making some sort of monkey face.

Yoongi and Namjoon, were in splits, laughing wide and toothy.

They looked so happy.

They belonged together, the three of them.

Yoongi wanted to scream.

How could he forget?

They were his only family, his boys, his only solace.

He couldn't fucking loose them too

 

He was going fix everything.

Whatever it takes.

 

Chapter Text

 

When Jimin threw the door open at one in the morning, bleary eyed from the loss of sleep, the last person he expected to see was a shaking, silently furious Yoongi.

 

His heart stilled in his chest. In his nightmares, it was always Hoseok who showed up like this, wild eyed, screaming at Jimin for an explanation, for an apology, for anything. Or Taehyung. Sweet, gorgeous Taehyung who didn't deserve what Jimin had protected him from, but didn't didn't deserve a lying whore like Jimin, either.

 

He couldn't know, could he?

 

"I know everything,Jimin. So you better fucking start talking, else you're not going back to bed alive, you fucking liar!"

 

Jimin gulped.

 

No. No no no. He wasn't supposed to know, he couldn't possibly know! HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW!

 

He fought to keep his voice steady, " I have no idea what you're talking about, hyung. Is everything alright?"

 

Yoongi, in turned, seethed even more, his fists clenched so tightly, his knuckles were white, and his ears were red.

 

" You have no idea what I'm talking about? Are you sure, Jiminie? Or or is this one more of those filthy lies of yours?"

 

Jimin was now, on the precipice of manic tears. Yoongi couldn't possibly find out, Jimin thought he'd been careful, that he'd made sure no one could ever know.

 

They weren't supposed to know, that was part of the damn deal.

 

Fuck , what if Seokjin hurt his Taehyung….no.no. He wouldn't. He didn't say anything about someone else finding out.

 

" Hyung, I think you're not well, come on inside, please, let me make you some coffee, and then let's talk. Did you have a bad dream?"

 

" I'm not well? I'M NOT WELL?I'm not the one that got...did you know, that Hoseok got kicked out of college, today? He's going to go back home now. He has to. He's going to go back home, to those horrible, bullies, and he's going to break back down into a fucking mess, and he's not going be able to have his own dance studio. You ruined his fucking life. And for what? Some fucking attention? A power trip? What was it, huh? What did he ever do to you? He never...he wanted to protect you so terribly. Do you even know how he cried? Or wouldn't that matter to you?"

 

Yoongi punctuated every question with a shove to Jimin's shoulder, pushing him backwards into the apartment, closing the door behind them, before narrowing his eyes at Jimin.

 

Jimin couldn't hold the whimper in his voice, when he asked," Hoseok hyung has to go..b-back?"

 

Yoongi laughed, sardonically.

" Yeah. Fucking hilarious isn't it? The one thing that drove him away from home, is the thing forcing him to go back.

But you can stop this, Jiminie. Just tell me the truth. Maybe I won't kill you. But you have to help him."

 

Jimin could taste the metallic tang of fear on his tongue.

" Hyung. I think you need to go home and rest. You're clearly not feeling well. I could make you som- oof!"

 

Jimin felt the wind get knocked out of him, as he was thrown against the door, Yoongi crowding up against him, his hot breath fanning across his face. From the close proximity, his eyes looked positively possessed. Maybe he was. He had every fucking right to be furious. But Jimin couldn't let him have this. He couldn't go back to being alone, he wouldn't.

 

"Stop fucking lying to me , you fucking bitch! You can't fool me, I know everything you did. I'm not asking for a denial, I'm looking for some fucking ANSWERS!" Yoongi snarled, his nails digging into Jimin's neck, as his palm encased his throat.

 

" Hyung, I'm not sure...you have to tell me what you mean, I don't.."

 

At that, Yoongi positively screamed, the force of his anger so potent, it had Jimin's heart shrivel and cower into a corner.

Maybe Yoongi would kill him today.

Good.

 

"Park Jimin. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Fucking explain yourself, or I'm going to kill you, watch me."

 

" I have nothing to explain, hyung."

 

Yoongi slammed his head into the wood of the door, making Jimin cry out in pain, at how Yoongi had his hair fisted in his palm.

 

" You don't? You don't? Don't you have anything to say, Jiminie? Won't you tell hyung what you did? Won't you tell hyung, how, like a street whore, you lied to everyone, when you told them that Hoseok raped you, when you were the one that was sober that night? "

 

Jimin tried to fake indignation.

 

" Hyung ..how can you possibly? How dare you? You know what I've been through, you know I wouldn't…"

 

" Wouldn't what? Wouldn't drink anything but water, when Hoseok thought you were drinking with him? Wouldn't pretend to be drunk out of your mind and make Hoseok dance and cuddle, and kiss you, when you weren't even tipsy? Wouldn't offer Hoseok a pill, and not take one yourself? Wouldn't lie to anyone, that Hoseok had raped you, when he'd actually passed out long before you even made it to the apartment, while you were still sober enough, to rush to the pharmacy five blocks away and buy condoms? Wouldn't lie , to Taehyung, to Namjoon, to everyone, that Hoseok, who only ever wanted to keep you safe, had raped you, and now you were devastated? But you would, wouldn't you, Jiminie? You would, because you did."

 

Jimin swallowed down a frantic sob.

 

No no please please, I would never hurt Hoseok like that, I couldn't...I had to choose between Tae and Seok, and Tae saved my fucking life...I owe him, please please please, none of this was my idea, I'd never do it.

 

" I still don't know what you're talking about?"

 

" Don't you? Do you want to know how I know, Jiminie? Hmm. See, little Chim Chim, you aren't as smart as you think you are. I'd gone to Hoseok's apartment building, to return something to him, when I met Hoseok's neighbour. Yeein-ssi. Very sweet lady. Works the night shift at a pharmacy, so she's in and out all the time, usually leaves either super early, or super late at night. You know what she told me? She asked me if my friend was alright. I panicked, I didn't want any rumours to spread. So I was ready to defend him, when she told me that she'd seen him come home a few days earlier, passed out, draped over the back of this shorter man. She'd wanted to help him, but the man had it covered, he carried Hoseok into his apartment. Yeein-ssi was concerned. Wondered if she should drop off something to eat, hangover soup? But she felt comforted, that Hoseok had made sure to bring one sober, non drinker, on his night out. She said she was happy that someone had taken care of Hoseok and put him to bed. So, she left for her shift at the pharmacy. And at the pharmacy, something really strange happened. See, she was so shocked, when the man she'd seen in Hoseok's building, came in, in an hour, and bought a pack of condoms. She was confused, thought he'd stay to take care of Hoseok. But oh well, what did she know? Maybe he wanted to go somewhere else. But he didn't , did he Jiminie? That same boy crawled back into Hoseok's bed, and then woke up in the morning and raised a hue and cry that he was raped. Now, you wouldn't know anything about it, would you? Maybe you met that boy, as Hoseok was fucking you?"

 

Jimin could slowly feel his calm facade slip through his fingers, hysteria building and exploding around him. He just needed Yoongi to go away, to get away, to hide from everyone. To hide from himself.

 

" Look hyung, just because you feel guilty about ratting Hoseok hyung out, you can't accuse me of anything and everything. How dare you? How can you even accuse of...of something so terrible. When I'm the victim ..I can't ..I can't believe this. I have to prove my innocence?"

 

" Innocence? Where? Sweetie, you couldn't be innocent if you tried. "

 

" Look hyung , I've listened to you all this while, I think it's enough. You should leave. You don't know anything. You can't prove anything. You should just give up, when you can."

 

" Oh no. I'm never giving up on my friends again. So tell me, slut, will you quietly confess or am I going to have to do it the hard way?"

Yoongi growled, almost feral.

 

" W-what do you mean? Look, Y-Yoongi, just b-because you felt guilty, don't take it out on me. I'm the victim here.IM THE VICTIM HERE!"

Jimin shouted out, frustration and fear woven through his words.

 

" Do you want one more try, sweetheart? Because after that, I doubt you'll be allowed to speak much."

 

" Look, Yoongi you're scaring me, I...leave or I'll scream, I'll call the police, I'll call Hoseok."

 

" Oh well, you missed your chance. Do you want to know what I'm going to do to you , doll? Doll is such an attention whore, I'm going to look at only you. I'm going to have you crying and begging for me to stop, but I won't. I promise you I won't. "

 

Yoongi pushed Jimin up against the door. The knob dug painfully into his back, and yet he didn't dare make a sound. This was it, wasn't it? It was all going to be over soon.

 

Yoongi's hand slithered out, to grip Jimin's chin harshly.

" Tell me, slut. Are you going to be honest with me or am I going to have to give you a real story to give the cops?"

 

Jimin felt his voice falter, " Y-you're crazy. " He whispered.

 

" Maybe, but I've fucked up enough in life already, so what do I have to lose? A career? I never deserved it. Love? I don't want it. Acceptance? As if. I have nothing to lose, Jimin. That makes me dangerous."

 

Jimin could only close his eyes, as he whimpered.

" Please, just get it over with, quickly."

 

He felt the grip on his chin tighten, and he began to to count his breaths.

 

In and out

In and out

In and out

 

Yoongi released him, and instead slapped him, with enough force to send his head spinning.

He then took a step back and spat at Jimin.

 

" I can't...I guess I'm not as terrible I thought I could be. Doesn't mean I'm giving up. You're gonna tell the truth. I promise you that."

 

And then he left, banging the door behind him.

 

Jimin collapsed.

 

Two hours later, he phoned Kim Seokjin.

 

Chapter Text

 

The cup of tea on the table cooled to a sticky mess. Jimin stared at it, his eyes burning into the floral porcelain.

 

He couldn't meet Seokjin's eyes.

 

" Tell me, little Jiminie. What's been troubling you? Here to make another request ? I don't mind, you know. I could do anything for you. I mean, it's rare that you find such a monster under such a beautiful face, you're so unique, sweetie." Seokjin drawled from where he was lying on the couch, twirling a pen between his long, crooked fingers.

 

Jimin wanted to stab the pen down his damn jugular.

 

" He found out."

 

" What?"

 

" Yoongi. He found out that I lied about Hoseok raping him. I can't...he can't know. You have to help me. Make this go away. This is because of you."

 

Seokjin laughed brightly, genuine amusement in his voice, "How is it my concern, what Yoongi knows or doesn't know? I told you that you couldn't tell anyone that I asked this of you. I don't care if someone finds out what you did."

 

Jimin balled his hands into fists. He fought the urge to stuff his entire hand down Seokjin's throat and watch him choke to death.

He didn't expect to last for even a second if he dared to, but a man could dream.

 

He gritted his teeth.

 

"I didn't fucking want to do any of this. This...wasn't my idea. It was yours. You put me in this situation. Now fix it. I can't...you can't ruin my life like that."

 

"Hmm. That's right. You didn't ask for it. What did you ask for? For your pretty friend? Oh yes. That he realises that his boyfriend is cheating on him, before he asks him to marry him. Is that it? Taehyung, right? What a gorgeous fellow. Seemed real nice and sweet. Wouldn't it break his heart …"

 

" Look, if Tae finds out that Namjoon was double timing him, after they got married, he'd be even more...honestly, why am I even discussing this with you? It's none of your business. Just ..fix this thing and I'll leave. It's not like I want to spend more time here."

 

Seokjin uncurled from the couch, and walked to the counter. He picked up a peuple bottle, inspected it, and then threw it away.

 

" Seok jin . Fix this fucking mess, right now. I...I paid your price, but you said no one would find out."

 

Seokjin looked up, amused.

 

" I said, no one should find out. That's your responsibility, not mine. This isn't my fau lt, honey. It's the price you had to pay, for your little favour. Besides, I love how this game is playing out. All my little pawns, so pretty in their positions. I wouldn't flip the chessboard, darling."

 

" Look, I don't fucking care what twisted games you want to play, just keep me and my friends out of this, we're….no one deserves this. Besides, Tae still hasn't broken up with Joon, so I don't see what you're so cocky for? You don't understand. They can't ..if they think I did this, they'll leave me alone, I won't have anyone. Please. Don't be so damn cruel. Just … I don't want to ever come back here, please, please, just let me go."

 

" Why don't you want to come back, Jiminie? Don't you like it here?"

 

" STOP, just...don't mess with my mind. I'm here for Tae, I don't want him to get his heart broken...it's the least I can do. I'm not here for myself."

 

" But you aren't , are you? Don't you want Tae and Joon to break up? Darling I know you've wanted it for so long. You just couldn't share, could you? Always wanted Tae to look at you, to appreciate you. Hated it if he spent a little extra time with his boyfriend. You didn't like it, did you? Couldn't bear that he didn't even look at you the way you wanted.

Such a needy little thing, kept criticizing Namjoon, kept trying to lie about seeing him with someone else, kept trying to keep them apart. But it didn't work, did it?"

 

" No..n-no...SHUT UP! You d-don't know anything, so don't act like you do."

 

" Tell me Jiminie, weren't you happy when you found out that Namjoon was cheating on Tae? Weren't you relieved? Weren't you scared that once they're married, you won't be able to cling onto Taehyung like you do ? That he'll move on, find a family, make a life for himself and leave you behind, like the sad, unwanted loser that you are? Or was it...no.It couldn't possibly be because you were jealous of Tae, could it? I mean. He is a super popular model who's lined up for Vogue and everything. And he does have a boyfriend, an apartment,  actual friends and a career. Wow! That's four things you don't have, Jiminie. That's got to hurt, doesn't it?"

 

" Just ..shut the fuck up, I'll ...I'll deal with this, just shut up. You don't know anything about anything. You can't...I won't let you mess with me. I love Tae. Yeah I'm going to miss him, but I'd never...just shut up."

 

" Like I don't know how you sent over the YouTube link, of that track that you knew was Namjoon's original song, to the admin office? Like I don't know how you were so happy that Namjoon was thrown out, you hoped it would mean you could have Tae all for yourself? Like I don't know, that when Tae found Namjoon at his apartment, after he overdosed, how you had silently regretted not insisting that you and Tae get coffee, so you'd be too late to save him? Like I don't know that you hoped that the doctor had bad news? I know everything, Jimin. All your secrets, all your lies."

 

Jimin pounced.

 

He didn't stop to think, to rationalise, to remember that Seokjin could kill him with the snap of his fingers. He just let his fear, his anger, his...loathing, flow through his fingers, as he shoved Jin backwards, making him crash into the counter.

He vaguely noted the sound of bottles breaking, before he felt strong arms twist his elbow behind his back, drawing him towards a chest that he'd only fantasized about. It was just as firm as he'd thought it'd be.

 

Jimin whimpered.

Seokjin released him, only to spin him around, gripping his chin, almost painfully.

His crooked fingers were stained purple from the smashed bottle on the counter.

 

For a moment, the shop was only filled with the ragged sounds of breathing.

 

Then Seokjin smashed his lips to Jimin's.

 

There was no finesse to the kiss, it was all tongues and teeth and Jimin's hands fisted painfully into Seokjin's hair. It was Jimin being able to taste the smirk on Seokjin's lips.

 

And then

Seokjin pulled away.

 

Jimin felt a growl build at the back of his throat.

Jin looked positively wrecked, his lips swollen and bitten, his eyes wild and his breaths ragged. Jimin couldn't help the rush of power that flowed through him. He did that .

 

So he hooked his hands to the back of Seokjin's neck and pulled him into another kiss.

 

They stumbled through the shop, until Jimin's back was pressed against the wall, and he was moaning and whimpering at the way Seokjin had a thigh between his legs, rutting down.

 

Although it was messy, Seokjin clearly knew what he was doing. He'd nibble at Jimin's lips, before shoving his tongue into his mouth, wrestling who hit for a few moments before dipping out to lick over the seam of his lips.

 

It was just like in every fantasy of Jimin's.

 

" I know you're thinking about me, darling. Tell me, tell me what you're thinking."

 

Jimin only burned red...he could never...he never wanted anyone to know what he'd thought of, with his hands down his pants and his face stuffed into a pillow to choke his moans.

 

" Mm. Baby. Tell me what you always wanted. Tell me or I'm not touching you..SAY IT!"

 

Jimin let out a pained whine, when Seokjin's hands dug into his hips, stilling them, staining his white shirt with purple.

 

" N-n-o ... please don't stop...I'll be good...I can't... please."

 

" Tell me , doll, use your words."

 

" I..I thought about you...and the donuts. About you forcing me to eat all of them, of you pushing me beyond my limits, till I passed out...that was...s hot. W-wanted you to make me do whatever, wanted you to tell me that I'm a ...a slut and I'm a pig. Wanted you to feed me your food, till I ..wanted to be your good boy, to make you happy. Wanted you to not let me come, to make me beg and plead and cry for your attention.Wanted you to stand over me and remind me of how useless I am...how pathetic...I need you. And...if I made you happy, in..in my d-dreams, you would reward me, and take care of m-me."

 

Seokjin cooed, taking a step back, running his fingers across Jimin's cheeks, looking at him appreciatively. He then pulled at the button of Jimin's jeans, using it as leverage to pull Jimin closer to him, till he could mutter into his ear.

 

" Aww baby. You're so good for me, so beautiful. I'm going to take such good care of you..I'm going to give my needy little baby all the attention he wants. Will you be good for Daddy?"

 

Jimin dismissed his growing sense of unease and fear as arousal.

 

Jin smirked.

 

He looked him in the eyes as he sank to him knees.

 

Chapter Text

 

The way the moonlight dripped down the edges of Namjoon's profile made Taehyung thank his stars, one more time, for the boyfriend he had.

 

Namjoon, was a once in a lifetime sort of event. Something that passed by you, just once, and if you didn't grab at it, you'd lose the promise of a kind, caring, gorgeous and perfect man.

 

Taehyung was so, so damn lucky.

 

He kept his fingers locked firmly over Namjoon's eyes, not wanting his surprise to be ruined whatsoever as he lead Namjoon up the staircase.

He'd had to physically drag him away from his computer for this date. He was going to make sure it was memorable.

 

Keeping one hand over his eyes, he pushed the door of the terrace open, letting the cold breeze ruffle his boyfriend's hair.

 

" Tae? Where are we? Come on, you know I hate surprises. What is this childishness, just let me s- "

 

Taehyung released his eyes.

 

He watched, with his heart in his mouth, as Namjoon took in the terrace, strewn with roses and jasmine, a mattress covered with the softest blankets and pillows, held down by tea lights and lanterns. There was a bottle of champagne, sitting in an ice bucket, and a box of chocolate covered strawberries. Soft music filtered through the speakers.

 

Namjoon forced himself to smile.

 

" Tae? Baby, what is this? "

 

Taehyung bounded up to where Namjoon was standing, his eyes lighting up, a dazzling smile on his face.

 

So Namjoon did like it, after all.

 

" This? This is our date, Joonie. Do you like it? I know you like it. I just... we've not had a proper date night in so long...and today is so special...I wanted to do something nice. Besides, I have something to ask you. "

 

" About that...Tae, I think you should know something...I.."

 

Taehyung pressed a finger to his lips , and then kissed over where his fingers had been.

 

" Hush, baby. My thing is more important."

 

" No Tae, you don't understand-"

 

But Taehyung was already sinking to his knees. When he looked up, he saw the stars, he saw the moon, he saw Namjoon. How beautiful.

 

" Kim Namjoon. When I first met you, we were both starving, stressed out artists, each chasing an impossible dream. Over the past few years, so much has changed, our goals , who we are, everything. But one thing has remained constant...you. I loved you first when we were both in terrible, dark places. And I kept loving you , till that place became more and more beautiful. Now it's a place I call home. I know you think we're too young, but I'm going to graduate soon. Once I get the Vogue contract, we can both move to New York. It's a different world, out there, Joonie. You can start making music again, and I'll start modelling and we can leave our old selves behind. Begin a new life together. Live our dreams. Let's escape to a better place, Joonie, you and I. Because for me, my better place, is wherever you are. Will you do me the honour of marrying me? "

 

Taehyung had begun to cry, halfway through his speech. He could see the tears glisten in Namjoon's eyes as the older man kneeled down to sit by Taehyung, and drew him into a kiss. They were crying too hard, and Taehyung was giggling too often for it to get deep, so he settled for throwing his arms around Namjoon instead.

 

When they separated, Namjoon only smiled, before holding out his hand so Taehyung could slide the ring onto his finger.

 

" I'll marry you, Tae. Always and forever, each and every time. It's always been you. "

 

Taehyung laughed, a wet but euphoric sound, as he watched the ring glint in the moonlight , on his boyfriend - no - his fiance's finger.

 

" Oh, oh, oh Joonie, gimme your phone for a second? I wanna click a picture and send it to Chim... he'll be so thrilled. "

 

Taehyung grabbed Namjoon's phone, before he could resist, noting with satisfaction, how his passcode was still their anniversary.

 

He took a few pictures of his whole set up, and then a picture of Namjoon, with his ring. He sent them off to Namjoon's chat with Jimin.

 

He was about to lock the phone, when his eyes caught something.

 

Praying that it was not what he thought it was, he scrolled up.

 

His heart shattered into a million pieces. Suddenly, the empty ring box in his pocket felt like it was full of rocks.

 

He'd recognise the man anywhere. He'd grown up with him, lived with him, loved him so, so  much.

 

And yet here he was...or at least his pictures were, on his boyfriend - no - fiancé - no - Namjoon's phone.

 

Pictures of a boy.

 

His head was thrown back in pleasure, hands roaming  his body. In another picture, he was naked, flushed on the bed, tangled in the sheets.

In the third, he was clearly being fucked, the large hands on his waist, digging into his hips.

Hands stained with purple.

Hands that Taehyung could recognise even in his sleep.

Hands that Taehyung had just slipped a ring onto.

 

" Namjoon, NAMJOON! Sweetie, you've gotten purple ink all over your hands, you can't go out like that."

 

" Nah, it's no big deal, I've gotta rush, someone...something crashed and you know how people get. It's no big deal. It won't stain. I'll wash it off once I get to the office."

 

" Mm okay, bye, love you. Get home early, I have something to tell you."

 

He flew down the steps, ignoring Namjoon's confused cries, his heart pounding, his ears ringing, his heart broken.

 

Jimin and Namjoon.

Jimin and Namjoon.

Jimin and Namjoon.

 

How could he?

 

How could they?

 

He barely registered the cold , till he screeched to a stop before a shop front, his breath pouring out in puffs, his chest heaving.

 

He took a deep breath and threw the shop door open.

 

He strode up to the man behind the counter, and slammed Namjoon's phone onto it.

 

" This man, can you help me get revenge on this man? I want him to suffer. "

 

Kim Seokjin only smiled.

 

Chapter Text

His throat constricted around Seokjin's cock.

He shifted uncomfortably from where he was sitting on his knees, by the bed. The knife lay by his feet, it's metallic surface still dripping blood onto the expensive carpeting. He assumed the lacerations on his back were making an even bigger mess, but for now , he couldn't think of much except the task he was given. He shuddered to think of the repercussions if he didn't.

 

The door flew open.

 

Seokjin didn't even flinch, the only reaction he got was a slight tightening of his fingers in his hair. He gave no instructions to stop and so he remained on his knees, his bloodied back facing whoever had just walked into the shop.

His ears burned with shame , but it was better than burning with something else, if he disobeyed.

 

Until, he heard a voice.

A voice that he considered home , soft and deep, like a stream. A voice that had guided him out of his most terrible moments, a voice that he relied on, loved , trusted.

A voice he'd betrayed.

 

He turned around.

 

Kim Taehyung stood, eyes wide with horror and disgust, hurt and shock, anger and mania as he surveyed the scene before him.

 

But...this...This wasn't Taehyung. It couldn't be.

 

His face was like Taehyung's, his voice was like Taehyung's and the way he eyes blew open was exactly how his best friend reacted to things.

 

But..his...what had happened?

 

Taehyung's once lean, golden, model like figure was bloated beyond recognition, fat packed into his arms and shoulders. His stomach bulged over the waistband of his pants. The very pants that had been criminally loose on him, now we're stretched to the seam over his thighs. His gorgeous fingers were stubby, the rings thrown off to accommodate his swollen fingers.

 

He felt like crying for Taehyung. His Vogue final interview was in three days...he...he wasn't...everything he'd worked for...was going down the drain. He couldn't be the actor and supermodel he'd always dreamt of..he...he was so close. And now...

 

Taehyung locked eyes with him and for a moment, for the first time in his life, he didn't know what Taehyung was thinking.

 

Until Taehyung let out a feral scream, throwing himself at Seokjin, sending him crashing over the counter, knocking glass jars, bottles and powders over.  He couldn't see what was happening over the edge of the counter. Seokjin had told him not to move , so he wouldn't...not till he was told he could.

But he could hear Taehyung's anguished cries, rising up from below the counter, and the sound of skin hitting skin.  

And words and screams…

 

" You..bloody..you MOTHERFUCKER...YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU ASSHOLE! You took away EVERYTHING! I ...CHANGE ME BACK...please please please my body is all I have YOU FUCKER!"

 

Slap , slap.

 

" I ...I ASKED FOR YOUR HELP…! I don't ..WHAT GAME ARE YOU PLAYING? Just ..please make all of this go away ...it's all ...YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN!"

 

He watched, detached, as Taehyung stumbled up, his wild eyes raking over the entire shop.

He wanted to tell him to stop. Wanted to call out to him. Tell him that here, although breaking a rule and being bad felt good in the moment, the punishment was always worse.

 

Taehyung stalked through the Shop as fast as he could, hands flying, knocking displays to the ground, breaking anything and everything he could get his hands on. His eyes were lit by an almost inhuman rage, tears streaming down his face, as he kicked another cabinet of bottles to the floor, before swiveling around, remembering him kneeling on the floor.

 

With an almost pained whine, he stumbled over to where he was kneeling, another pained sound leaving him as he saw the jagged blade of the knife and the gashes on his back.

He wanted to reach out, hold his hand and wipe away his tears. But he wasn't allowed to move.

 

" P-please get up...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please...we have to go, come on." Taehyung blabbered, reaching out to try and shake him to mobility.

He sat still.

 

Taehyung tried to push at his shoulder harder, kneeling down till he was at face level. His eyes were a violent red, tears raking down his face, his hands littered with cuts from the broken glass.

 

For a second he felt his resolve crumble. He almost wanted to reach out and cradle Taehyung's face and tell him that he should go before Seokjin…

 

He watched, as Taehyung was ripped away from him, slammed to the surface of the kitchenette, Seokjin grasping his neck hard enough to bruise.

Seokjin looked beautiful, blood dripping down the nail marks on his face , his cheekbone beginning to bruise, and his forehead sliced open by glass.

He watched, with growing interest , as Seokjin's faced gleamed with a cruel sort of joy far more macabre than even the time he'd brought out the taser. The man stroked Taehyung's face with his other hand, digging his nails into the cuts on his face, just to watch him squirm. He smiled, gently, as Taehyung gasped and spluttered, thrashing under his unforgiving grip, for air.

 

" You look so bothered and upset Tae. My my, we can't have our cute little Vogue model angry, can we? I couldn't ...I'll tell what will make everything all better? Tea. Fancy a cup?"

 

He looked away from where he was kneeling, eyes stinging. This wasn't going to be pretty. Seokjin never forgave anyone.

 

However, he heard Seokjin's voice snap out an order, " Baby, you better fucking watch."

 

He felt like crying , but he couldn't disobey.

 

Seokjin crooned at Taehyung, carding a loving hand through his hair.

 

" Don't worry sweetie, this will hurt just a bit."

 

And then Seokjin reached over, for where the kettle was boiling on the stove, and proceeded to empty its contents onto Taehyung's face.

 

He couldn't see exactly what was happening, but from the anguished screams and the wet gargles, and the sounds of Taehyung's feet writhing and slamming into the wood of the counter in agony, and the steady drip drip drip drip of the water dripping onto the hardwood and Seokjin's satisfied humming, and the sounds of pleas and thrashing and screams of torture, he assumed it hurt like a bitch.

 

Finally, the ruckus quieted down when he heard the wet thump of a body hitting the floor.

Tashyung must have passed out because of the pain.

For a moment, he felt panic sting in his veins, before he remembered, if you were unconscious, Seokjin wouldn't do anything more to you till you woke up.

He hated it when his toys couldn't scream.

Taehyung was temporarily safe.

 

He craned his neck, trying to assess the damage , and only barely caught sight of the boy's face, an angry shade of red, skin already peeling and blistering, his right eye almost fused shut.

 

Involuntarily, he felt himself wanting to retch...his beautiful, beautiful Tae ..



His line of sight was blocked by Seokjin, who proceed to sprawl back in his original position, unmindful and uncaring of the pained whimpers coming from the unconscious boy behind them.

 

He felt a sense of calm wash over him as soon as Seokjin put his fingers back in his hair, unzipping his trousers, and pulling down his boxers.

 

He was painfully hard.

 

He let out a whine, before looking up to meet Seokjin's eyes.

 

But Seokjin only smiled and tugged a little harder at his hair, intent on finishing what they started.

 

Seeing his clear hesitance and discomfort, Seokjin caressed his cheek gently, willing the boy at his knees to take deep breaths and relax.

 

He then smile, beautiful, despite the blood still on his cheek and fingers.

 

" Go on, baby, make hyung feel good. That's right...that's ..that's good. Be good for hyung, Namjoonie, be my good boy. "



Chapter Text

When Jimin stumbled into the warmth of the restaurant, he wanted some peace, some relief, some place he could think.

He found himself stumbling back to the place where he and Hoseok had begun drinking , over chicken, all those days back.

His heart stung.

He plopped himself into a chair, and turned around, looking for the ajhumma who ran the place.

His blood froze when he saw Yoongi talking to her.

He strained his ears, leaning forward to try and catch their conversation.

 

" ….. you're sure he only ordered soda and some lemonade?"

" Positive, I was so impressed that he wanted to be responsible for his friend."

" And would you be willing to come to court and testify?"

" For Hoseok, yes. He's such a good boy, always offers to carry my things if he catches me coming from a grocery run."

" Okay, thank you so much. I'll call you later and tell you the rest."

 

Court? He couldn't ...Yoongi couldn't take him to court...he ...had to stop this. Stop Yoongi.

If anyone, anyone , found out about any of this, Jimin would be thrown out of college, out of his friend circle, out of every itty bitty relationship he'd built over all those years.

He couldn't..

He couldn't go back to being that loner Park Jimin who was too ugly, inside out, to be loved.

 

He slipped out of his seat, and stalked out of the restaurant, pulling his hood over his eyes.

 

The lighter in his pocket felt heavy with guilt. He didn't want to have to...but if Seokjin wouldn't help him and Yoongi wouldn't listen, he didn't have much of a choice.

 

He followed Yoongi into the night.



Chapter Text

Burning was almost second nature, to Yoongi.



He'd met Seokjin when he was eighteen.

He'd just gotten accepted into Seoul National. Everyone was happy, he was excited, he was finally going to leave this hellhole and to what he'd always dreamt of doing.

Music, his music.

His everything.

He'd cried happy tears, sitting with his mother at the kitchen table, when the letter confirming his admission had arrived.

This was it..

This was the future.

The future was a place where Yoongi could breathe, bleed and become his music. A place with warm smiles, warmer hearts and even warmer anonymity. A place where he could walk into a coffee shop without hearing snickers calling him a fairy...a..a… A place where he could hold his head high and his boyfriend's hands tight as he walked the roads.

The future was anywhere away from his father and this town and it's school and the coffeehouse...everything.

The future was here.

The last month in Daegu was spent packing, sorting, his mother crying tears of happiness and sadness, his father swearing at him when he could.

Yoongi didn't care. He was getting away.

He was out, he was done, he wasn't going to get beaten up , any longer.

 

And then.

The night before.

 

His father had been in a particularly foul mood, that night. He'd staggered into the house, screaming his mother's name, words dripping like acid from his mouth. He'd almost beat her to death, smashing her skull against the wall, screaming into her head, hitting, punching, kicking , till his clothes, Yoongi's hands and his mother's face were covered in blood.

 

Yoongi hadn't wanted to take the train out. He...he was escaping, but his mother was still just as trapped.

What if...the next time, the neighbours didn't reach home in time , or the postman didn't have letter to deliver, or there weren't any groups of schools kids to protect her, would she make it? Would she..?

He couldn't.

But she made him.

Made him promise her that he'd set her music free, that he'd do her proud, that he'd never turn back, never come home. She wanted him safe and happy, she'd deal with the rest.

And like a fool, he'd believed her.

 

A few days into his stay at Seoul, he'd heard about this man...this miracle worker...Kim Seokjin. He'd give you anything, grant any wish, make everything alright.

And Kim Seokjin had been so beautiful, so kind, so understanding, that Yoongi'd unfurled like a flower under his care, and he'd stupidly asked him.

Asked him for a wish.

Asked him to free his mother, to help her escape the hellhole that was his father's ring on her finger.

 

And Seokjin gave him what he wanted.

Seokjin always gave you what you wanted.

 

Fifteen days after Yoongi moved to Seoul, and three days after he foolishly asked Seokjin to help him, his mother killed herself, setting herself and the house on fire.

There hadn't even been a body to bury.

His father was safe, though, he'd gone out to buy beer.

 

And as always, first came the guilt, then came the nightmares.

Nightmares, where Yoongi stood at the doorway of the living room, watching his mother play the piano. She'd beckon to him, but he was too far away, always too far away. He'd try to, but he'd never be able to move. And he'd have to watch as she slowly got more and more frustrated as to why her son wouldn't come to her.

The room would fill with smoke and flames, licking at his mother, at the piano, at their home.

And his mother would cry, would beg, would plead for Yoongi to come to her, to save her, to not abandon her.

But Yoongi would never be able to move.

He'd have to watch.

As his mother's face crumbled and charred black.

As the piano began to collapse, sending keys clattering to the floor.

As the house began to fold on itself, breaking apart.

As the flames slowly came to get him, the acrid smoke clogging his airways, his skin peeling off and his body burning to the symphony of his mother's sobs.

 

So when he blinked awake drowsily to the screaming of a smoke alarm, and the tang of smoke ricocheting around his throat and the familiar feeling of being burnt alive dancing on his fingertips, he simply dismissed it as another nightmare and turned around to go back to sleep.

It'd all be over soon.





Chapter Text

When he woke, it was to a rhythmic beeping ringing in his ears. Muffled sobs strayed in.

He shook himself awake, his eyes screaming at the harsh bright light. That smell. He blinked rapidly, taking in the machines and the monitors and how he couldn't quite move his arm and how his head felt like it had been stuffed with crumpled paper.

 

Hospital...he was in a hospital. Why...what was he doing here? He remembered smoke and choking...but it was a nightmare. It was always a nightmare.

 

He groaned at the sharp pain in his leg as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position, only managing to jostle the head of the man who was sitting by the bed, Yoongi's hands cradled between his own.

 

It couldn't…

 

Hoseok.

 

For a moment, when Hoseok lifted his head and met his eyes, Yoongi felt something shift inside at the loud, miserable red rimming his eyes, flaking tear tracks down cheeks and prominent bags that suggested he hadn't gotten much sleep… why? Why was Hoseok here? Why was he here? What had happened ...he didn't ...the fire? Was it..?

 

Hoseok sat upright in a moment, his hands letting go of Yoongi's hands , as he jolted into awareness.

 

" Hey...hey, hey Yoongi? You...are you okay? Do-do you need something? Is something wrong? Does it hurt? The nurse said the painkillers would kick in in an hour, but that was like, two hours ago. If it's not...if it's hurting, I could call her back in? You know what, I'm gonna do that, I'll call her in, just hold on, it'll be okay, alright? Jus-" Hoseok rambled, his hands flying to keep up with the pace of his words and worries. He shot up from where he was sitting, motioning for the door, when Yoongi lurched forward to grab onto him, pulling him to have him sit back down.

 

" Gimme a few minutes,okay? Just...don't call anyone, just...stay."

 

Hoseok deflated at that, shoulder slumping, as the tension left his posture.

 

" Okay, I'll...I'll stay. As long as you want."

 

They sat in silence for a while, the sped up beeping of the vitals machine giving away how nervous Yoongi actually was.

 

" Seok-"

 

" Yoon-"

 

" Oh, it's...it's fine...hyung you go ahead. No, no really, it's okay, you go first."

 

Yoongi nodded at that, furling and unfurling his fingers, before finally asking, " What? What happened to me, Seok? Why am I here? Who found me...am I...hurt?"

 

Hoseok's face fell, creasing at his questions, tears shining as he fought to keep from bursting into sobs.

 

" Hyung...you...you tried to kill yourself . You tried to..to light the apartment on fire and Jiminie ...h-he said he was just passing by and...he saw you...he saw you try to take your own life hyung, he..he pulled you out...h-he knew the code cause J-Jungkookie told him, but he saw you and he pulled you and... why? Hyung? Why would you do that? Why would you hurt yourself?" Hoseok blubbered, his hands rubbing at the redness of his eyes.

 

What? He...he tried to kill himself? He didn't...he'd never..What was Hoseok saying?

 

" Seok-ah? I don't… I don't understand. I didn't kill myself, I wouldn't… why… you think I'd kill myself? No, no. No, I would never."

 

However, instead of calming down, Hoseok became even more hysterical.

 

" H-hyung, you don't have to lie, you don't have to try and hide the fact that this is all my fault. I did this...and Jimin said he saw you set the house on fire.. I'm ...you don't have to protect me."

 

" Protect you? From what? Seok, I didn't kill myself. I'd think I'd know what I was doing? I'm not...trust me, why would I want to protect you and from what? "

 

" FROM THE FACT THAT I LITERALLY TOLD YOU TO KILL YOURSELF LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAD! I...You always protect me, hyung, but you don't have to this time. I know it was all my fault, I just...I should have trusted you, I should have listened to you, this is all my fault, I shouldn't have said what I did."

 

" Seo-"

 

" No! I'm ...don't say that to me, don't look at me like you don't blame me. Why don't you blame me? I..taunted you. I hurt you where I knew it would hurt the most. I ...I wanted to say I was sorry, but I was too late...what if..what if Jimin hadn't been on time? What if I'd lost you forever? What would I have done, hyung? Who would I go to? I don't...I don't deserve your forgiveness, I don't deserve anything."

 

" Hoseok...hey, hey...Seok. Look at me. Please, look at me. This is not your fault, okay? You didn't do anything. Yeah, you hurt me , but it's okay, I forgave you. I never...I can't stay mad at you. This is not your fault. Are you listening to me? You did nothing. And I trust you. I know you'd never do anything to cause me actual harm. And you know why I know that?"

 

" No, please. No, Yoongi. Don’t...I can't.."

 

" No. Hoseok, I have t-"

 

" No. Please, no . I can't...don't say it, please."

 

" You have to know that I-"

 

" Please, stop. Don't make this worse. Don't make this harder for me, please. Don't make me stay. "

 

" I love you, Jung Hoseok. And I know you love me too."

 

At that, Hoseok let out a wail of distress, burying his face in his arms.

 

" N-n-o! No, you're lying. You have to be lying, you can't … you can't love me. You can't love me. You don't know anything, you don't know… you're lying, don't… don't try and spare my feelings! Don't...I can't take it again, I can't… I don't...you're lying."

 

" Am I ? Seok tell me, am I really lying? Because I know what I felt that night. I knew, all the way back then, how much I loved you. I knew that I wanted to hold your hand and laugh and grow and be with you for the rest of our lives. I knew...you were the last piece to my puzzle. You've always been. And I'm not letting go of you. And I know you love me too, I know I saw what I saw in your eyes, the night we made love."

 

" We didn't...that was just sex, y-you were stressed and I wanted to help and I …"

 

" You know that's not true. You know- you know you feel the same way. Why do you want to fight it? Why can't you just let us be happy? Please. Please. We deserve this. "

 

" N-n-o hyung you don't want me...please don't pity me, please. I don't...I don't feel...I don't know. And I can't do this, please. I should...I should leave. Yeah. I'll leave. Jungkook must be waiting, he- I'll go."

 

Hoseok got up and walked toward the door.

 

Yoongi called out , from behind him. " Then tell me. Turn around, Hoseok. Turn around and say it to my fucking face. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't want everything I want. Tell me that all these years have been fake. Tell me that what I heard you whisper against my forehead was a lie, please. Tell me and I won't talk about this ever again. I won't make you stay, I won't ...I'll swallow down my feelings if I know you don't feel the same way. But if there's even the smallest chance that we can have each other, I'm not running from us. Not again. Please Hoseok. Tell me. Tell me you don't love me."

 

Hoseok stilled at that. He turned around, his heart stuttering at the tears flowing down Yoongi's face.

 

Yoongi never cried.

 

He felt tears well up in his own eyes. " You know I can't tell you that, hyung. "

 

And then Yoongi smiled. Not smirked. Not scoffed.

 

Smiled.

 

As wide as he could, gummy, beautiful, his eyes lighting up with a million galaxies.

 

He let out a wet chuckle. " Kiss me, you fucking moron. "

 

And Hoseok did.

 

He let go of each and everything that was pulling him away, shoving his fears, his everything aside, and strode up to the bed. Cupping Yoongi's face in his hands, he pressed his lips to his.

 

He gasped against his lips as he felt the electricity flow through the kiss. Love, longing, happiness, content, completeness, faith, forgiveness, bliss, comfort, Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi, Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok.

 

They broke apart, crying and laughing too hard to manage anything more than pecks between fits.

 

Yoongi let out a giggle, tracing his fingers over the dimples in Hoseok's smile.

 

" I love you."

 

" I love you. "

 

" Stay with me."

 

" I promise."

 

" Don't ever leave me. I love you. I forgive you."

 

" I know."

 

" Hold my hand?"

 

" Always."











Jungkook closed the door, fire boiling through his veins.

 

This wasn't done.

He wouldn't allow it.

Hoseok would have to go.

 

Chapter Text

Hoseok's heart ricocheted around in his chest, the thundering in his ears drowning out the sounds of the rain pattering against the building, both getting louder as he ascended the stairs to the rooftop.

 

What had he done?

 

When he'd gotten the text from Jungkook, his heart had stilled for a moment.

 

Hyung we have to talk.

Roof, tonight at 8 please.

You should know something.

 

Jungkook. He'd forgotten about Jungkook.

 

Of course he had.

 

Stupid. He'd been so fucking stupid, kissing Yoongi and cuddling him and holding his hands and promising him a forever that was already promised to someone else.

 

Of course there wasn't a chance in hell he and Yoongi could ever be together.

 

And what else could Jungkook want to tell him, except to stay the fuck away from his boyfriend?

 

He had fucked up.

 

He couldn't blame Yoongi. Yoongi was drugged and drowsy, barely able to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time.

Of course he didn't know what he was talking about when he’d said he loved him.

That's not how things worked in the real world.

 

He scrambled up the stairs, taking two at a time, praying that Jungkook was clueless about what had happened between Yoongi and him under the bleak fluorescents of the hospital lighting.

 

Praying Jungkook would forgive him, if not.

 

He threw the door of the terrace open, wincing a little as the first misty sprays of rain hit his face. Black angry clouds were eating at the grey night skies, rolling against the edges of the city. He hoped he'd be able to get back inside before the impending storm struck. He couldn't, for the life of him, understand why Jungkook was out in this weather, and what he was trying to prove by having this talk when it was literally readying to storm.

 

Blinking the rainwater away that collected on his eyelashes, he scanned the roof for the younger boy's yellow jacket. Upon spotting the boy, his heart stopped, a yellow haze in the rain.

 

He jogged toward it, drawing his own jacket towards himself, shivering a little at the cold rain.

 

Jungkook was sitting at the very edge of the parapet, his feet dangling over the Seoul skyline, his back to Hoseok.

 

The boy turned at the sound of Hoseok's approaching footsteps.

 

His eyes were clearly red from crying tears that had been messily wiped away a second ago. “H-hyung?" His shoulders sagged, and he'd chewed his lip to pieces, blood dotting the corner. His black hair was plastered to his forehead and he was shivering from head to toe.

 

He knew. There was no way he didn’t know.

 

Hoseok forced his feet forward, sitting on the wet parapet beside Jungkook, facing inward. He reached for Jungkook, his heart sinking further when the boy rejected his touch, choosing instead to hop off the parapet and face Hoseok.

 

"Jungkookie, you wanted to t-talk? Is everything okay? I mean, how can it ..your boyfriend is in the hospital...and…"

 

Jungkook’s face twisted into something that was gone in a flash. "Is he really mine anymore, hyung?"

 

Hoseok froze at that, the miniscule hope that Jungkook had no idea about the two of them, dripping through his fingers and falling down with the rain that was picking up, down twenty five floors, to splatter, painting an abstract pattern of guilt on the pavement below.

 

"I have..n-o idea what you're talking about. " He stuttered out, unable to make eye contact with the boy in front of him.

Jungkook sighed and faced the skyline, his face highlighted by the reflected lights of the city life.

 

"I saw you kissing, hyung."

 

“Look Jungkook..."

 

"You think I want to hear it? You think I called you up here to listen to how sorry you feel for me? Or what excuses you'll give me? You think I don't know? How it's always been you. Hoseok this. Hoseok that. ‘I have to take Seokie's call.’” The boy imitated with trembling lips. “Seok, Seok. Seok.”

 

“Jungkook, listen. I’m so-”

 

“And I'm tired of it! I can't compete with what he sees in you...”

 

Hoseok couldn’t say anything as Jungkook looked on at him, so broken, so scared.

 

“What is it, hyung? What does he..why is it you? How are you better than me? Can you love him harder or better or more than I do? Are you hotter? Tell me, please. What did I do wrong? All I wanted was some love and I-I got it and...you had to happen...and I'm so fucking tired.” Jungkook exhaled brokenly. “I want you two to be together."

 

" What?" Hoseok stopped shivering, gaping at Jungkook, in surprise.

 

"I’m tired of competing with you. H-Hyung I know the two of you a-are best friends, and you love each o-ther so much. I know I don't have a chance with you around, hyung. I-I can't be … I can't make him happy like you do. I-I want to. Fuck, I really wish I could make him smile like y-you do , but I can't ...and i-if you can, I-I want him to have that."

 

"Kookie, I can't ask you to give up…"

 

"I'm not giving u-up, hyung," Jungkook hiccuped, his hands grabbing at nothing then relaxing. "I-I’m giving in.”

 

Small, frightened, heartbroken. Jungkook looked so heartbroken.

 

“I can't run from it. I can't keep ignoring how he loves you more than he'd ever even think of loving me. B-but I love him so much, it hurts so badly. It ...burns me up inside, how I couldn't be the one to give him what you do. I love him too much to watch the way he longs for what he could have with you... I… just want it to hurt a little less, hyung. For both of us."

 

The words broke his heart. Tears of his own joined the puddling rainwater at his feet. He fought the urge to hug the boy and tell him it would be alright. Because it wouldn't. Because of him.

 

"Would you...w-would you like us to stop seeing each other? Do you want me to back off, Kookie? Because I could. I don't...he's hurt and upset and I shouldn't have taken advantage of that. I could. If it means...whatever you want..I'll do it."

 

"No, no, no. Don't put this on me. Don't fucking make this my fault. What am I supposed to do, huh? He's my boyfriend, and yet you're the love of his life and clearly if I wasn't the first person he thought of when he woke up…I want to be happy, but I want him to be happy too, and if I can't give him that, no matter how much he means to me, I can't. ” Jungkook’s gaze fell to the floor. “It's not fair, hyung. There can't be two of us. It's always been you and I hate that. I hate that I can't be the person who makes him smile at his phone and make him get up and out of the bed. I hate that he automatically looks to you for comfort, and that he has to remind himself to text me. I fucking hate all of it, hyung. He's mine. He's mine. He’s supposed to be my boyfriend, not yours!"

 

"I hate it when I see myself getting mad at how long he spends with his friends and how much he lies about where he is and I'm... that's not me. I'm not that person- who loses control. Breaks a mirror. Kills a man. I'm not who this is making me, and I'm so fucking tired.”

 

“You know why I fell in love with him?” he asked, smiling sadly to himself. “Because I thought ...once he's mine, he'll make everything okay. He'll love me, he'll be there for me. But he may be mine. I'm not his, you're his and it's only fair that I make everything okay,” he ended, blubbering, his eyes shining with what could have been anything from rage to fear.

 

Hoseok had done this.

 

He had wrecked another fucking life.

 

"Kookie... I can't…"

 

"I'm not asking you… I'm telling you that I'm stepping back. I'm giving you a chance goddamnit," he screamed, his voice cracking on the last words. "You think you're doing me a favour? By reminding me how fucking pathetic I am, that I couldn't keep the bloody only man I've ever loved?"

 

Hoseok reached out for him again, cringing at the sloshing of his shoes, this time grabbing his face to meet his eyes.

 

"Kookie."

 

"No."

 

"Kookie, look at hyung. I'll never be able to pay you back for...everything. Yoongi hyung loves you too, kid, I promise, he loves you too. And he'll be so, so sad, but if you could… if you could give us your blessing, Kookie, it'd make us so happy. We… I love him so much, kid. We've fought for so long. And we've ...it's been so long, and I know it's selfish, but..I...can't give up now. I wouldn't survive. And I know, it's messed up and terrible and that I shouldn't ask for this...but if you can find it in yourself, to be happy for us...You don't know how much it would mean to us. Yoongi..he isn't really in the best shape to say it right now, but you did make him happy Kooks. Really happy. Don't ever forget that."

 

Hoseok reached his other hand out to cup Jungkook's face, hoping he could see the gratitude through all the tears. He had no idea what he'd do if Jungkook didn't forgive him. He didn't think he'd be able to forgive himself.

 

Yoongi...he loved him with every breath he took, but here was someone else, a child , boy willing to give up his love for the sake of his lover. Jungkook staked just as much of a claim as he did. Jungkook deserved all the happiness that he wanted so badly. And Hoseok wouldn't do it...he'd walk away, if it meant someone could be happy because of him.

If Jungkook didn't forgive him, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

 

Jungkook took a few moments to collect himself, his thoughts visibly racing through his head.

 

He sighed in relief as Jungkook finally gave him a watery smile.

 

“It's okay...I'll...I'll be okay. I know, it's going to take me a while, and I won't get over him soon, but.."

 

Hoseok hugged him, squeezing the boy as close as possible. He clearly wanted nothing but for his hyung to be happy. Peeling away from him, his hands went to uselessly wipe at his tears, returning Jungkook's diluted smile.

 

Jungkook laughed at that and Hoseok grimaced at the obvious hurt leaking through the sound.

 

He stood up, the soaked denim of his jeans rubbing and sticking to his cold skin, and backed away from the parapet.

 

"Hyung. Make Yoongi hyung happy. I'm trusting you."

 

"Promise, I promise, I'll never hurt him..always protect him. I promise you, Kookie, you'll find someone better, someone who'll love you so much, they'll fill you up with colours. Thank you for allowing us to have that."

 

Jungkook shook his head and smiled again.

 

"It's okay. I'll...I'll be okay, Hyungie. Now, forget about all of this. Do me a favour?" he asked, shoulders relaxing a bit.

 

"Anything, tell me."

 

"I have this art thing due, painting someone in the rain, that's why I came up here in the first place. Could you, maybe, stand against the skyline, on the parapet?”

 

“Yeah. Of course.” How could he deny such a simple favor after what Jungkook had just done for him? He'd given up the fucking love of his life. He could pose for him.

 

“Be super careful, be careful it's wet,” the boy cautioned as Hoseok slipped a little.

 

He moved around and looked back to Jungkook for approval, squinting as the rain pelted against his face. “Is this okay?”

 

“Yeah just like that...okay, just look at the lights, tilt your head a little...okay? Okay! Got it! Thank you."

 

He walked toward Hoseok, who beckoned him to have a look at the photo. Jungkook held out his phone, nudging the screen in Hoseok's direction.

 

Looking at the blank screen, Hoseok’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

 

"K-Kookie? There's no picture, I'm not in it... w-what am I looking at?"

 

And then Jungkook smiled, slightly unhinged, maniacal, eerily reminding Hoseok of the expression in the eyes of a broader shouldered, lavender scented man. His eyes were black with cruel anger and mirth.

 

"That's right, hyung. You're out of the picture."

 

He laughed once, maniacal glee digging its claws into Hoseok's shoulders.

 

"What did you think, hyung? That I'd give up so easily? You'd like that, wouldn't you? ”

 

Hoseok winced at the tightening grip. "Kook? Kook, stop! Stop it...you're hurting me, Jungkook! "

 

Jungkook continued, ignoring his pleas. “You think I don't know how you fooled Yoongi hyung into believing you? You think I don't fucking see how undeserving you are? You think it's funny? Poor little Kookie, doesn't crib, doesn't whine, walk all over him, go on, he won't say anything. But I'm saying it now, it's not much of a joke. He's mine. Do you understand? Mine. To have, to hold , to keep. Everything. I bet you were so fucking happy when you saw me backing off. Bet you were fooled by how I acted like the scared, cute kid you treat me as. Living for others, never myself. Well guess what, this is my game. My man. And I won't let some second rate rat run his hands all over my man and get away with it. You're going to pay, Seokie hyung. And you know what's going to happen? You know who Yoongi hyung is gonna come to for comfort when he sees his pretty little Seokie, so sad and bloody? Me. You know who's going to hold his hand and take for dates and make him smile? Me. You know who's going to marry him and have a family and a life with him? Me. Me. Me. It's always been me." He punctuated every 'me' with a step forward, closing the space between them.

 

"He doesn't know what he's saying, he doesn't love you, I promise. He doesn't care and neither do I. I didn't want to have to do this, hyung. I'm so sorry, I really am. I promise, I'm not the kind of guy who'd do this, but you've left me no choice, Hyungie. You've given me no way out. I'm sorry, hyung. Sweet dreams."

 

Gently,  like one would when tucking a child in to sleep, Jungkook leaned forward and brushed his lips against Hoseok's forehead.

 

Hoseok barely had time to register the inhuman rage and sadistic satisfaction in Jungkook's eyes, before Jungkook reached forward, and pushed him off the parapet, twenty-five floors down, to the pavement below.

 

Chapter Text

They lay tangled in the shadows and post kiss euphoria. Yoongi had whined and whined until Hoseok had given in and climbed in beside him, on the bed. Yoongi's hands were cradled in Hoseok's and their thighs were touching.

 

Occasionally Hoseok would raise his head to press a kiss into Yoongi's hair or his jawline. Yoongi always giggled at that.

 

His. Hoseok was his. Finally.

 

He loved how the younger man's body was wrapped around him, holding tight as though he never ever wanted to let go. If anyone else called Yoongi short, they'd probably get socked in the face, but with Hoseok...it was different. He made him feel small in a way that he felt he was safer than anywhere else in the world. Like Hoseok would fight his nightmares and dance with him in his dreams. The way Hoseok held him made him feel precious and delicate, the way he touched him felt reverent and wonderstruck.

 

He watched in awe as shadows hid half his face from his lover, spidering over his nose and those gorgeous cheekbones, tucking themselves behind his ear.

 

Gorgeous, so gorgeous.

 

He leaned forward and captured Hoseok's lips with his own, delighting in the shy laughter that burst from Hoseok as he tightened his arms around Yoongi's waist.

 

When they finally broke apart, Yoongi felt lightheaded, with love.  

 

He was about to dive down for a second round, when Hoseok drew away a little, sighing and kissing the tip of Yoongi's pout at being denied.

 

" Hyung, I was thinking."

 

Yoongi scoffed at that, and tried to dive back in.

" Thinking is stupid, let's not do that. "

 

Hoseok pushed him away, this time actually laughing at the indignant whine that spilled from Yoongi's lips.

 

" Baby, it can't wait. Just hear me out. Then you can have kisses."

 

Yoongi refused to stop pouting , but didn't make any move to distract Hoseok.

 

" I was...and you don't have to do it, you don't have to do anything...just...what if we left, hyung?"

 

Yoongi blinked, confused. " Like left Seoul?"

 

Hoseok shook his head, nervousness tainting his tone. " N-not exactly. Like...what if we left Korea?"

 

Yoongi froze, surprise and disbelief washing over him. Leave?

 

" Just think about it, hyung. We could go somewhere far, far from here. You can make your music and I can dance. We can go somewhere where people like us don't have to hide...where we can get married and...have a life away from...all of this. Think about it. I'm anyway out of the program...and you'll graduate this year. I can start working to save up ...and we can plan it all out. We can go ...we can go to New York? Think about it hyung. We can have our own place, just you and I and we can live together and work together. No studio anywhere in the world would be stupid enough not to grab you for production...and I'm sure if I work hard I can get a position at a dance studio. We can live our dreams hyung, leave all this bullshit, this pain, all these terrible memories and make new ones. We can have a family hyung. A house...you and me and a dog...and ...we could be happy, hyung. Happy. I...really want that."

 

" Okay."

 

" Oh, no no it's completely fine if you don't want to ….fuck it's such a dumb idea and I barely thought it through. You're right...it's dumb, let's just for-"

 

Hoseok's eyes widened as Yoongi cut him off with a kiss, pulling back and smacking his lips before looking at his boyfriend exasperatedly.

 

" I said okay, you idiot. Yeah I wanna go with you and live with you and have a home and a family and a life. I'll do it."

 

Yoongi relished at how Hoseok's eyes lit up with excitement and happiness.

 

" Oh. Oh. Okay, okay you'll come with me. Oh hyung I'm so fucking excited...I'll start looking up apartments and train tickets and I promise, I'll do everything, just come with me. I'll give you a home, hyungie. Everything. Swimming pools, living rooms and aeroplanes and a little house on the hill and children's names. I promise. This is going to be great. "

 

Yoongi stared at him incredulously." Did you just quote Troye Sivan at me? "

 

Hoseok met his glare with an equally defiant one.

" So what if I did. You love it."

 

Yoongi rolled his eyes.

" I love you . I don't have to love your deplorable sense of humour."

 

Hoseok chuckled and ducked to nip at the skin on Yoongi's neck, relishing the surprised yelp he let out.

" You love all of me hyung ..I knooow you do."

 

Yoongi groaned, the sound so so soft and so fond.

" Yeah you fucking brat, I love you."

 

" I love you too, baby. "

 

Hoseok buried his face in Yoongi's hair, only resurfacing when he felt a hesitant tug on his sleeve.

 

" I-I like it when you call me that."

 

Hoseok was puzzled for a moment, before the realization dawned on him, lifting his mouth into a smirk.

 

" Call you what? Hyung?"

 

" N-No the other thing. "

 

" Yoongi?"

 

" No, Hoseok you ass, you know what I'm talking about, don't tease."

 

" I don't know a thing, hyung. You gotta tell me."

 

" I like ...I like you calling me your baby."

 

Hoseok watched with delight as his badass boyfriend turned a fiery red, burying his face in his shoulder in embarrassment.

He let out a chuckle before pulling Yoongi's face up to meet his eyes.

 

" Baby." He whispered. " My pretty baby. My baby, mine, mine, mine, mine. "

 

Yoongi whined at that but kissed Hoseok's cheek before turning around and huffing out a ' go to sleep. '

 

Hoseok stilled at that. " Hyung, I'll ...I can stay with you till you sleep but…"

 

" But...what? H-Hoseok?"

 

" It's nothing, baby, I promise. I just haven't been sleeping well."

 

Yoongi frowned. " Why, what's keeping you up? You have to tell me, Seok, you promised...no secrets."

 

Hoseok sighed deeply, before dragging his gaze away from Yoongi's.

" I-Its just that ever since I got the call saying you were in the hospital..I've been to scared to close my eyes ...too scared that when I wake up your heart won't be beating any more, that your hands will be cold...and I'll...I'll be"

He broke off at that, his voice cracking.

 

Yoongi blinked away his own tears, before running his hands over Hoseok's face, cupping his face in his palms.

" I'm not going anywhere , Seokie. Never ever again, okay? But ..if you want help ...to sleep...I could…"

 

" Could what?"

 

" Come here. " Yoongi ordered, pulling at Hoseok's arm till he was half on top of him, his head resting on his chest, right above his heart.

" You can hear my heartbeat, right? That's all...just listen to it and sleep, and everytime you feel scared, just ...close your eyes and remember that I'm not going anywhere. That I'm alive...that I'm here."

 

Hoseok visibly relaxed on Yoongi's chest, burrowing deeper into the comfort. He heard Yoongi's heart beat steadily under his fingertips, as Yoongi kissed his forehead and nuzzled his hair.

 

He felt safe.

Everything was going to be okay.

 

Yoongi was never going to leave him. He was alive, he was real. He loved him.

 

He felt his eyes droop, drowsy with warmth and security and love.

 

Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate and chime in his pocket. He pulled it out , shielding Yoongi's sleeping face from the glare, before squinting at the display.

 

One unread message from Jungkook.



Chapter Text

This literally happens every month and I'm so sorry that I'm being a whiny ass bitch about this again. Please feel free to just ignore this chapter since it's a bunch of editorials, clarifications and basically me tryna rant to strangers so I don't cry on the bus or something tomorrow.

So first off, clarifications. 

1. This has come up a few times so I feel like I should clear this right away...Jimin isn't specifically fixated on one person's attention...he wants it all. Which is why he craves for Hobi, Yoongi, Taehyung and eventually even Seokjin's attention. That's why through the chapters, the focus of his desires, if I may, keep changing because he's more in love with the concept of being loved and wanted. 

2. This is again, a turning point of sorts for the plot. If you thought things were heavy, it's only going to get worse. Literally everyone is going to start going through their own nightmare material stuff. Following this chapter.... we're gonna have...let's see ..suicide, murder, some more murder, some non con, flashbacks to scenes of abuse, torture and manipulation, physical torture, body horror, lots of references to body related issues, some fat shaming, lotsa crying and then some more murder. Not in this order specifically. So if any of this will upset you, please don't read further or hurt yourselves.

3. So Jimin and Seokjin do actually sleep together and Seokjin takes pictures of Jimin. But he sends them to Namjoon's phone so that in a twisted way Taehyung does find out that Namjoon is cheating on him, except he thinks he's doing it with Jimin, rather than Seokjin, which is the actual situation.  

Now for the whining. 

This is my very first work, I have posted some stuff on public platforms earlier and it didn't go too well, since my stuff tends to be...uhhh...sensitive. So I'm constantly paranoid that in taking things too far with my plot or bringing up topics and plotlines that aren't really appealing to people. And I know it's just a bunch of insecurity on my part and that I have to get over, but I still get super worried , cause everytime I post I'm literally WAITINg for someone to comment and call me out on how messed up I am for painting such amazing people in such a terrible light. 

Per se, I haven't been having the greatest week. Something that I really wanted to get didn't work out and I've been losing control over assignments and submissions and my studying for college isn't going the best, so I'm feeling prime level useless right now. I started working on a craft for the next chapter and I've been trying to push out some kind of content , but everytime I just get frustrated and delete everything. Again, I know I'm being a whiny bitch and that I shouldn't crib about writers block which is literally THE most common thing in the planet, but...

I sent this story of mine to someone who meant a lot to me , a really close friend from college and he didn't like it much and wasn't really able to understand it, and that's fine cause each person has his own tastes and I can't be mad at him for not liking what I like, but it's just compounded how inadequate I feel with my writing. I mean, I get onto this site and there's this entire ocean of incredibly talented , funny, beautiful writers and I feel insanely stupid, considering I'm barely able to frame chapters or get my thoughts across through my words.

Im going to reiterate this, I know I'm being whiny and complaining for no reason and that I shouldn't unload all of this on whoever decided to scroll down. I just felt like maybe if I couldn't share this with friends and people I do know, out of embarrassment, it'd do me good to get it out of my system with people who've never even seen me before.

 

Lastly I wanted to thank anybody who's gotten this far into the story with me , I love y'all so much, literally opening my mails and looking at the comments y'all leave me is one of the best parts of my day .

💜💜

Chapter Text

When Yoongi woke up, it was to the ghosts of Hoseok's lips dancing across his eyes. He bit back a smile.

Fuck.

He was whipped.

He rolled over a little, whining internally when he couldn't find any traces of Hoseok's warmth to bury into. Watery sunshine bled through the blinds, leaking down the wall in strange patterns reminiscent of being underwater.

He cringed, as he accidentally jostled his IV, stretching out his joints and popping his neck. He assumed the nurse would be in soon, to do whatever nurses did. He wondered where Hoseok was ...he'd clearly left either early in the morning or late the previous night.

He huffed at his own fretting as he curled back into a ball and tried to fall back asleep. He'd probably had some work or something come up.

 

The creaking open of his room door had him sitting upright, thinking his boyfriend had returned to him. Instead, spying the curly edges of Jimin's blonde hair had him snarling, drawing back into himself, defensively.

 

He didn't want him here.

 

He watched, eyes narrowed, as Jimin bustled around the room, straightening this and fixing that, unbothered by the venomous gaze fixed on him.

He began to hum under his breath, winding Yoongi tighter and tighter, until he felt ready to snap.

 

He gritted his teeth, his skin positively crawling at Jimin's pretend innocent smile.

" What the fuck do you want?" He snapped, injecting as much poison as he could, into his words.

 

Jimin's smile, however, remained smeared around his features, the only evidence of him having heard Yoongi, gone when his eyebrow returned to its regular place. He hummed out a contemplative sigh.

" That's no way to talk to the person who saved your life, is it?"

 

Yoongi felt an inhuman rage of sorts bubble under his skin, tinting the edges of his vision red.

He clenched his jaw so hard, he wouldn't be surprised if he cracked it with the pressure. He wanted Jimin as far from him as possible before he leapt out of the bed, IV be damned and wrapped his hands around his throat till he stopped smirking.

" Don't give me your fucking bullshit, Park, you and I both know that the story you fed Hoseok and the others was one more of your lies, so why don't you tell me what actually happened and I'll consider not snapping your neck."

 

Jimin giggled brightly at that, as though thoroughly amused by Yoongi's outburst.

" That's real funny, hyung. Does Seokie know you've got anger management issues?"

 

" Don't fucking call him that, you whore, you lost that right when you lied about him screwing you so that someone would take pity on your pathetic ass and give you some attention." Yoongi spat out, relishing how Jimin flinched, his features slipping into pain before righting themselves into a mask of indifference.

 

" Mm whatever you say, Yoonie, whatever you say. See, sweetie, I don't think you should count on anyone listening in to you anytime soon."

 

" Fuck they won't. Hobi and I... we're better now, so I know he'll believe me easily. As for the rest, I don't know what games you're playing , but I have evidence ...I have witnesses...I have proof that you framed Hoseok and I swear I'm going to make you bleed , Park Jimin. I'm so fucking sorry your plan to kill me failed."

 

Jimin laughed a full bodied laugh at that, toothy and joyous , his eyes crinkling into crescents.

" Oh Yoonie , do you really think I tried to kill you? Darling, I'm not a murderer...I wouldn't want you dead, when I could see you die for the rest of your life. See, it wasn't about that little act I staged with the fire and the sob story, it's so so much more."

 

Yoongi narrowed his eyes, ignoring the icy dread dripping down his spine.

"W-What do you fucking mean? So what, if everyone thinks I tried to kill myself? They hate me anyway, at least they'll pity me now. It doesn't matter. No one cares, Jimin."

 

He watched, suspicion and hatred clouding his eyes, as Jimin walked over from the other side of the room, stopping by his bed. He then perched where Hoseok had lain, but a few hours ago, and then extended his fingers. Yoongi tried not to visibly recoil from his touch, refusing to let the younger know how much his presence unnerved him.

Gentle fingers caught hold of his jaw, barely teasing, before tightening their grip, forcing Yoongi to look at Jimin.

His strawberry flavoured breath washed over his face.

"Here's the thing though, Yoongi. People care . Not the people you wished cared for you though, no, not them. The landlady? Yes. The firemen? Yes. The psych ward of Seoul Metropolitan? Yes. The policemen, whom your boyfriend begged to let you off of vandalism and damage to property charges provided you shifted to Pysch and underwent rehab? Yes. The judge who'll hear your pathetic story and dub you mentally unstable and throw you into a white walled room? Yes. See, Yoongi, burning down your apartment building counts as just a little more than a temper tantrum. And that's where I come in. If a man who tried to take his life by setting himself on fire, endangering not just himself, but everyone else in the building came to anyone with some sad sob story about a victim of past abuse lying about being raped, they're only going to up his meds."

 

Yoongi felt himself tremble as the words sank in.

" N-No NO! You're lying. Of course...you're fucking lying thats all you do ...you're ...you can't ..I fucking promised you wouldn't get away with it...you're lying...there has to be some other way, some loophole ..something...I have witnesses, people who'll say they saw you...no...no you can't...you won't win."

 

Jimin tsked at that. " Your evidence is circumstantial at best. A lady in the middle of the night who barely moved in a few months ago? An old ajumma who's memory can be literally called into question? A raving lunatic who was so devastated by his boyfriend leaving him that he set himself on fire? Not to mention the Track, Yoonie. You have too many monsters hidden under your bed to want to open the curtains."

 

" It's over, Yoongi. Give up, forget it. It never happened. Don't come after me , and I won't come after you. Take Hoseok and live your life."

 

Yoongi dug his nails into his palms, almost drawing blood as he fumed at the cocky, unaffected smirk on Jimin's face. His fingers itched to slam Jimin's head against the adjoining cabinet till his smile was drowned by blood and his insolent eyes burned with tears. He felt like flying across the room and digging his nails so deep into Jimin that he could tear him into pieces and eat them.

He was about to open his mouth, when the door flew open, a shaken Namjoon stumbling in, his eyes searching for something, till they settled on Jimin.

He dragged Jimin aside, whispering wildly. Yoongi's heart raced as he saw tear tracks shimmer against his tan skin.

He'd seen Namjoon cry only once before, on the day he'd begged him and Taehyung to please let him die.

He watched with horror as Jimin's eyes widened and he slapped a palm over his mouth.

 

" J-Joonie. Joon? What's wrong?"

 

Namjoon immediately snapped to face him, schooling his face into a less devastated one.

" Nothing, it's nothing Hyungie. Just rest and relax, there's nothing to worry about , I promise."

 

Yoongi's heart, however, seized up with panic, its ugly claws digging deep into him, drawing blood.

 

" No. No please. Tell me, please Joon. You'd never lie to me , I know you wouldn't ...please."

 

Namjoon took a deep breath at that, shaking Jimin's hand off as he came to sit by his bed. He took his hand into his own.

 

Yoongi forced a laugh at that." You're scaring me Joonie, this much affection...someone must have died."

 

He felt a cold wave of fear drench his soul as he took in Namjoon's stricken expression at his words.

" J-Joonie?"

 

" He's gone, hyung. Hoseokie."

 

Yoongi's vision faded to muted runny colours, Namjoon's face bleeding into and out of focus.

 

" G-Gone like left? T-Thats alright...he's ...he said he'd work hard...he said he needed to work to get us out...it's okay, Joonie, he's gonna... he'll be back..he promised."

 

He shook his head with confusion as Namjoon crumpled on himself, sobs wracking his body. He didn't understand. Hoseok hadn't really gone anywhere...he'd been...he'd promised to stay and Hoseok never broke promises. He'd be back. They had plans...they had a future and a home and Hoseok wanted that, right ? Why would he leave him? It made no sense.

 

" N-No hyung. He's gone. He left us. He left me and you and everything and he's not coming back."

 

Namjoon's voice was blurry now, like Yoongi's head was being forced underwater. The stark whites and the lemon sanitizer and the beeping of the machines bled into a runny puddle of sensations, nothing important enough to stand out.

 

" H-He jumped off the roof of the hospital last night...he...he brought the shoes, hyung ..you remember those stupid baby blue Converses that the three of us bought with the stupid amount of money our first mixtape made...he...took them and placed them on the fucking edge...and a note..there was a note, hyung...he said. " I'm sorry, my brother." Hyung, he's gone , hyung, our Hobi's gone and he isn't coming back and it hurts, hyung, it hurts so much."

 

Namjoon's words sloshed around in Yoongi's brain.

Blue converse? He remembered those. They'd bought them at half price with the money they'd made with their first tracks...Hoseok...he'd loved them, said they'd be bonded forever by bad fashion choices...so why would he leave them behind?

He...was ...no...no..no ...no….he couldn't ...he wouldn't...No...NO no . Yoongi ….he'd die...his Hosoekie ….he just ….oh please... he'd had him for just one night and he loved him so much and he was...gone? He loved and he loved and he loved him so much, so much, much much. And please he wanted him where he could touch him and kiss him and hold him and tease his dimples and taste his smile and disappear into his warmth...hadn't they suffered enough? Please...couldn't he have just this much?

A few words began to sharpen from the slurry of sounds.

Hoseok.

Jumped.

Last night.

Last night.

Note.

Gone.

Never coming back.

 

His vision faded to monochrome.

Chapter Text

He rounded a corner, stopping short when he heard two familiar voices ring out in the silence.

 

" Hyung I can't believe you'd lie to him about such a big thing," a voice hissed in anger and confusion.

 

Namjoon pressed his fingers against his forehead, as though trying to physically smoothen away the stress accumulated there. He bit at his lip, taking a few moments to collect himself before the tremors of his voice betrayed how scared he was.

 

" What was I supposed to tell him otherwise, Jimin?"

 

Jimin scoffed at that, " The fucking truth, hyung."

 

" You know I can't do that. It's been over a month and he's only just beginning to talk again. They're going to discharge him from the hospital and he's getting better, I know he is. I can't jeopardize…"

 

" It's not fair to him, or anyone, hyung. This isn't the kind of thing you can keep a secret. It's not like he won't find out eventually." 

 

Namjoon resumed his frantic pacing across the room, as though trying to run from what Jimin was saying. 

" I ...look..he won't find out. Hoseok will be all the way back in Daegu and you know hyung won't ever go back there. It's better...I think it's better he moves on. You know if hyung finds out he'll put his entire life on hold to care for Hoseok, and I won't allow him to do that."

 

Jimin gritted his teeth. 

" So what, you're going to let him believe that the love of his fucking life killed himself? That's cruel and that's not your fucking call to make."

 

" What was I supposed to do otherwise? Go up and say ' hey hyung you know the boy you loved unconditionally? Yeah he tried to kill himself but fucked up and hit a balcony a few floors down, so now he's almost completely paralysed, and yeah remember that father of his that used to abuse him and his mother who bet him with a tennis racket when they found out he was gay? Well they're his only current family so he's gotta go back to the town he hates as an invalid and live in their care' . Is that what you want me to tell him? Because I can't. You know Yoongi hyung, he'd  give up his whole life to stay with a man that can never give him what he deserves ...it's better ..this is better." 

 

" Hyung, he...he needs to know. He's barely eaten, doesn't sleep, he only cries and cries. He just started talking again...I ...you can't do this."

 

" I have to Jimin, it's the only way. You know he won't let him go back to Daegu. He needs to move on and Hoseokie…. he'll be okay..he's …."

 

The man listening in the shadows choked back a sob of fury, his fists clenching, his eyes reddening with tears and anger. 

He limped away, down the corridor, unmindful of how his pace ruptured the burnt and irritated skin.

 

Hoseok was alive.

 

Hoseok was alive.

 

He could still keep his promise. 

Chapter Text

 

   Chat : Kooksydaisy and You

 

 Kooksydaisy:

fuck you 

 

Kooksydaisy: 

Seriously fuck you Min Yoongi. 

 

Kooksydaisy: 

what the fuck did I do wrong? 

 

Kooksydaisy: 

Tell me hyung.

 

Kooksydtaisy:

 I loved you so much 

 

Kooksydaisy: 

so so so so much Hyungie. 

 

Kooksydaisy:

 I wanted ...I loved you to the moon and back

 

Kooksydaisy:

Was I not pretty enough? 

 

Kooksydaisy:

Is...it...were you tired of me?

 

Kooksydaisy:

Didn't I let you fuck me well hyung

 

Kooksydaisy:

Wasn't I your best boy 

 

Kooksydaisy:

You said you loved me hyungie why did you marry him

 

Kooksydaisy:

Was I not good enough? Did I bore you? Is it because I told you I hated that kinky stuff

 

Kooksydaisy: 

I could have done it ..you know

Learnt to take the pain and act like I liked it

 

Kooksydaisy: 

Please hyung

 

Kooksydaisy:

I peomise, I'll be good for you

 

Kooksydaisy:

Won't tell you to stop, I'll take everything

 

Kooksydaisy: 

I just wanted you to love me hyung , please

 

Kooksydaisy:

You loved me right? All this time wasn't a lie right 

 

Kooksydaisy:

Hyung please tell me you weren't lying to me 

 

Kooksydaisy :

 Why the fuck did you fu king walk in to the hospital today and fucking put a ring on Hoseok's finger

 

Kooksydaisy:

He can't give you anything

 

Kooksydaisy:

Did our relationship mean nothing? 

 

Kooksydaisy:

Hyung , you...why did you do this to yourself.

 

Kooksydaisy:

You fucking married another man so you could care for him legally 

 

Kooksydaisy:

And don't even try and  lie to me, I saw you sobbing by Hoseok's feet, telling him you love him so fucking much 

 

Kooksydaisy:

Do you even know how fu king angry I am? 

 

Kooksydaisy:

My boyfriend kisses another man in a fucking hospital waiting room, puts a ring on his finger and and leaves? Do you even know how pathetic I looked? Did you even see how everyone was looking at me with pity like I was the last one in on a secret? 

 

Kooksydaisy:

How could you fucking think...you're mine, hyung. Mine. Mine only mine. You fu king promised

 

Kooksydaisy:

If you think I'm going to let some crippled bitch steal you from me ,  I promise you, Hoseokie will wish he died the first time around 

 

Kooksydaisy:

I promise I'll make both of you suffer. This isn't over

 

Kooksydaisy:

You'll come crawling back to me when his limp dick won't be able to fuck you like I did and when you're stuck cleaning out his bedpans with diapers in your bag and bags under your eyes, I'll laugh, I fucking promise you. When you'll have to drop out of college and serve a fucking vegetable, you'll remember. Love doesnt solve shit. You gotta clean that up yourself.

 

Kooksydaisy:

You though you were so fucking heroic , trying to save Hoseok from going back to his parents , I promise you, I'll make you BEG for Hoseok to be taken away and I'll watch you cry when you realise how you've ruined your life. 

I'll rip that slut to pieces, I swear , for even touching you 

And you, I'll break you so bad , doll, that you'll always remember who you belong to 

You're mine, understood? 

I can kill for you and I will 

I can also kill you 

But I promise you, you'll remain mine

Lock your doors at night .

 

# you can no longer send this number messages. for further help click here #

Chapter Text

He felt the stars and the cloudy sky swirl beneath his fingertips as he curled them into the soft hairs on Namjoon's neck. He could taste the wintermint on his smile and smell the woods in his arms.

 

He'd never felt so safe.

 

He giggled, pushing at Namjoon so he straddled his hips, ducking back down to kiss his boyfriend. When he pulled away, he felt the wind being knocked out of him as he looked down at his debauched , beautiful Namjoon. His hair was mussed up and wild from where Taehyung had pulled and yanked at it. His thick lips were swollen and bitten red,  skin glittery with sweat and a blush high on his heaving chest. Taehyung bit back a groan of arousal as he ground his hips downward, making Namjoon gasp and keen. Taehyung buzzed with satisfaction. 

He'd done this. He'd wrecked Namjoon.

He leaned in to tangle their tongues again, drowning in the heady feeling of kissing Namjoon, out in the back of a truck, under the stars.

He kicked the backpack to where it wouldn't be in the way, absentmindedly noting how the cans of spray paint clanked and rolled out.

They'd had so much fun that evening, stopping by the Han to splatter their souls in reds and blues across the pristine walls, giggling and shoving and kissing , drowning their sorrows and demons in chemicals and dripping paint. 

They'd only stopped when they heard the wails of police sirens, abandoning site and running till their lungs and hearts screamed in exhilaration.

They'd collapsed against a traffic light , heaving and giggling. Namjoon had then held out his hand and led Taehyung in a dance across the deserted street, bathed in the changing lights of the traffic light. When he'd asked Namjoon about the music, Namjoon had smiled that beautiful dimpled smile and told him that he would imagine it.

Taehyung snapped back to focus as Namjoon bucked impatiently against him, drawing an amused chuckle. Taehyung snorted at how Namjoon was trying to mask his desperation , and lowered his nose to his neck, biting and nuzzling at the sensitive skin, tracing a road map of bites and bruises and places that made Namjoon whine and speed his hips against Taehyung's.

 

Taehyung yanked at his shirt, pulling it away to reveal tanned , smooth muscles and undulations of hard and soft places. He traced his way down his stomach, breathing against his belly button and sucking a bite there. He then pulled away, causing a growl from Namjoon to bubble against his mouth. 

 

" I swear Tae if you don't stop teasing me I'll suck my own dick."

 

Taehyung raised an appreciative eyebrow at that and pulled away, as thought motioning for Namjoon to continue. Namjoon turned a bright, adorable red and smacked Taehyung's arm.

 

" S-Shut up you pervert and touch me."

 

Taehyung rolled his eyes but pulled at his jeans, his own sweatpants already halfway down his thighs.

Namjoon gasped and keened when Taehyung took the both of them into his large hands, stroking and twisting , licking away the expletives and pleas that spilled from Namjoon's lips. The tempo of his thrusts rose to a feverish pitch, skin against skin, slick, filthy, as they fucked into his palm, sweaty and impure. Finally, Namjoon spilled into his fist, a loud gasp stolen from his throat. Taehyung followed soon after. 

 

They lay, swathed in warmth and love and content, their fingers and heart entwined.

Taehyung felt his eyes droop and he snuggled deeper into Namjoon, closing his eyes. 

He was about to fall asleep when he felt Namjoon brush his bangs out of his eyes , kiss his forehead and whisper , " I'm gonna marry you someday Kim Taehyung. "

 

Taehyung jerked out of his reverie as he heard footsteps approach his door. 

He shoved the Polaroid that he had clutched in his palms and stole a glance at the clock. 

It couldn't be anyone but Namjoon. 

He swallowed the wave of hatred that gushed into after his name, clenching his jaw, as he rolled over, trying to pretend like he was asleep.

He knew Namjoon wouldn't dare touch him when he was awake, but if he were asleep , maybe he could trick him into coming closer.

 

He needed this.

 

Unbidden, the images from that day swam into his head and he bit back a scream. He remembered the searing , blinding pain, the screams ,the blistering, the way the hot water had seeped into and burned away the tissues of his eyes and face. 

He remembered falling to the floor, praying he would die soon, feeling his face melt and fuse together, debilitated by pain and agony. He remembered feeling the skin of his face peel into his palms.

He remembered being spread on the floor, whimpering for death as Namjoon sucked at Seokjin's cock, obedient, unbothered by Taehyung writhing a few feet away from him.

He forced himself to relax and tone down the venom pulsing through his system.

Namjoon shut the door behind him and sighed, walking up to Taehyung, as expected , to sit beside him. He carded his fingers through his hair, careful to avoid irritating the bandages on his face.

 

Taehyung lay still, quiet.

 

The syringe full of the sedative dug into his back and his soul. 

 

Namjoon was going  pay.  He'd rip out his fucking face and eat it.

If they went down, they'd go down together



Chapter Text

Namjoon awoke to the sterile smell of sanitizer and antiseptic. For a few moments, he felt his vision flicker between clarity and blurry shapes. He shook his head. 

Of course this wasn't reality 

In what reality would he be strapped to a hospital bed, unable to feel anything beyond his face, the smell of metal and hatred bleeding into that of his boyfriend's.

 

Taehyung. 

Fuck , fuck , fuck, fuck Taehyung. 

 

His memories rushed up at him, drowning him in remembrance of what had happened inside the hospital room. 

 

He remembered walking up to Taehyung, stroking his hair , praying, hoping, begging that one day he'd have the courage to tell Taehyung that he always he knew he was awake, that he loved him, but not enough, that he wished he could gather him into his arms and make everything better, like he had , the previous time. But he couldn't. 

He remembered letting his gaze flicker away to the walls, getting distracted for a moment, letting his wrist trace patterns into his hair from memory. 

 

He'd barely noticed when Taehyung had shifted, the heavy white bandages obstructing his eyes, resulting in Namjoon realising a few moments too late that Taehyung had rolled over completely, eyes wide open, wrist gripped between his beautiful fingers.

 

The last thing he remembered was Taehyung plunging the needle of the syringe deep into his bloodstream, the hatred in his eyes damning him to hell. 

 

And now this.

 

He scanned his surroundings, his heart accelerating with fear when he failed to locate Taehyung. He'd been restrained to the bed, an unnecessary thing , considering he couldn't feel his limbs beyond his neck. His eyes widened as fear began to drip down his spine, pooling heavily in his stomach, corroding his heart which seemed to have sunk to the very bottom of his chest. 

 

This was ...worse than anything he could ever take. He knew this was it. The anger in Taehyung's eyes, the bloodlust, the pain and hurt and love and everything in between had swirled into a cocktail of emotions, a venom so potent Namjoon knew it would snuff the life out of him.

 

He closed his eyes, feeling the tears slip from them.

 

He didn't want to die. But it wasn't like he thought he'd live a long time. Better Taehyung than….

 

He almost screamed, his heart leaping out of his chest, his pulse skyrocketing, when he opened his eyes, only to be faced with a mask of white bandages, ice cold eyes soaked in mania and wrath and a boxy, beautiful smile, tinged with insanity and desperation.

 

It had been over a month since Taehyung had had the go ahead to take the bandages off, but ...he hadn't. Namjoon always wondered why, but one day, he'd showed up unexpectedly , only to catch Taehyung sobbing in front of a cracked mirror, his soul bared for everyone to see how ugly, how worthless, how disgusting he felt. Namjoon had his answer.

 

Now that very face, that he'd memorised each and every line of , hovered around his face, bandages obscuring it, only enhancing the haunting, desolate air that had surrounded Taehyung in the months after the...incident. 

Namjoon gulped. Good. It was...good. He wouldn't have to look at the hurt and pain on Taehyung's features as he killed him.

 

He felt more tears well at the edges of his vision, when Taehyung jerked away suddenly, walked to stand so he faced Namjoon. He looked like he was carved of ice , cold , hateful. But his hands trembled. He was nervous. Namjoon didn't want him to be. He knew that emotional, teeming hands led to jagged cuts and ugly scars. He'd much rather a clean end. 

 

A giggle interrupted his thoughts. 

 

" Oh Namjoonie, baby, I can hear you overthink all the way from here. Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like." Taehyung crooned, his fingers going to caress Namjoon's cheek.

 

Namjoon blinked in surprise.

" I-It isn't?"

 

" No honey, it's much much worse."

Taehyung whispered, breaking into laughter, as though he'd said something incredibly hilarious.

 

Namjoon let him laugh for a few seconds.

" Tae, Taehyung what the fuck is this? What have you done to me TaeTae? Look, whatever it is, let's just...talk. I promise you, everything will be okay."

 

" Oh I haven't done anything special, love. Flicked some anesthetic while the docs weren't looking, no biggie. And thanks but no thanks. I heard you loud and clear. We have nothing to talk about."

 

Namjoon felt panic well up again. Taehyung was clearly unstable , if the manic light in his eyes was anything to go by. Maybe he could scream? Surely someone would come chec-

 

" No one will be disturbing is for a while Joonie. I'll have plenty of time with you. See , they know that Kim Taehyung's loving fiance comes spends two hours with his every Tuesday. They won't bother us. Isn't that exciting? After such a long time, just us two, nothing between us?" Taehung asked. 

 

" L-Look Tae , I don't ...look I know what I did was wrong...but we should talk about it , let me apologize. And I don't even know how you managed to ..I can't believe…"

 

Taehyung huffed at that, continued in his chirpy tone, " That's right. You can't believe, right? Dumb dumb Tae. He's so fucking stupid. He loves everyone. He's so fucking stupid he didn't notice that the man he wanted to marry was getting fucked by someone else. He's a real pretty face though. Well guess what , I'm not a pretty face anymore, either. So I guess I've had to work harder. Isn't that lovely?"

 

Namjoon felt hysteria bubble up under his tongue. He felt like thrashing against the restraints and the drugs , trying to will his body into complying, into moving. Taehyung watched him with amusement in his eye, the lone undamaged brown orb sparkling with mirth. 

 

" Do you get it, Namjoonie? What it feels like, writhing in your mind, praying for your body to respond, and then not being able to? "

 

Namjoon turned his head, trying to bite, snap, wriggle away from this , from his death, to no avail. If anything, his efforts pushed the metal of the gag deeper into his mouth, making him froth in frustration.

 

Taehyung tutted in disapproval, walking to the tray of instruments sparkling in the harsh light. 

 

Namjoon's eyes widened.

 

" No , No no nono , Taehyung please, please listen to me, please. Don't do this. Let's just...calm down. Talk. Please Tae, please?"

 

" Wil this scalpel be okay, or do you prefer the other one?"

 

" Taehyung I'm begging you, please think of the consequences. I know , I know you're angry but please. "

 

" I don't know, I kinda like this other one, but I also like this one , good grip, very delicate, great for what I had in mind." 

 

" No, please. I promise you, I promise, I'll fix this , I promise. Please, I love you."

 

At that, Taehyung looked up from the shadows and shiny blades, an eerie figure in the white plaster. 

He frowned deeply, picking a blade, walking over to where Namjoon was, twirling it in his fingers. 

He shook his head repeatedly, and let out a whimper. Finally, when he met Namjoon's eyes , he saw that his eye was red, blood and held a lifetime of agony, sadness, pain, betrayal, loathing and love. 

 

Taehyung whispered, " Liar."

 

He brought the tip of the blade to Namjoon's face , pricking his delicate skin, drawing a drop of blood. He winced, more from the shock than from pain.

 

" Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. "

 

He dug the blade deeper, this time drawing a yelp of pain from him.

 

" What do they say? Ah...I take thee...Kim Namjoon…"

 

Cut , cut , drag and dig the tip into the flesh.

 

" To be my husband…"

 

A deep cut into the flesh of his cheek.

 

" To have and to hold…"

 

A particularly harsh flick of his wrist, across his forehead, mangling the flesh there.

 

" From this day forward…"

 

The knife swiped over his eyelid, tearing off the skin, barely missing his eye. Maybe on accident. Maybe on purpose.



" For better or for worse…."

 

The knife ghosted over the bumpy exposed tissue of his cheeks , ignoring his screams and dug into the edges of his lips, cutting at the plush skin cleanly. 

 

" For richer or for poor…"

 

An inhuman scream tried to worm its way through the edges of the gag as the knife tore the lip cleanly off , leaving a bloody mess in its place.

 

" In sickness and in health..."

 

The knife point dragged its path to his ear, slashing a little , before digging into his scalp. 

 

" To love and to cherish…"

 

A guttural howl spilled past Namjoon's lips, ripping his vocal cords raw, as Taehyung plunged the tip of the knife deep into his eye, scraping around in the socket, mangling the flesh. 

 

" Till death do us part."

 

Namjoon sobbed, pain pushing him into a delirium, so potent and so violent that he barely registered the knife point press into his pulse point , over his jugular.

One flick and he would bleed to death.

 

But oddly, he felt no fear. 

 

As he laboured to force his remaining eye to seek Taehyung out , he felt only relief, it would be over soon...it was okay, it would be okay. Rather than by hatred or fear , he felt himself swirl into a gossamer embrace of memories.

 

Taehyung giggling and laughing as Namjoon tickled him, trying to get him to laugh whole shooting.

 

Kisses, prayers, pleas.

 

Muted moans and wine soaked bed sheets. 

 

Coffee stained kisses, sleepy, soft and cuddly. Taehyung in a big fluffy sweater and Namjoon in his arms.

 

Warm summers and popsicle kisses. Tangling together even though it's too hot.

 

Love, love , love, love, love .

 

He felt himself relax, his breaths and heartbeat slowing down. He felt safe, it would be over, finally. Finally he could have some rest. Finally he could sleep a while, without nightmares.

 

He pressed into the blade, relishing the drops of blood it drew , lost in all the blood dripping down his neck.

 

He raised his gaze to Taehyung's and smiled.

 

" Thank you, Tae. For making things seem not so terrible. I loved you. "

 

He closed his eyes.

Chapter Text

The knife dug into Namjoon's skin and Taehyung felt a manic sort of euphoria bubble up beneath his skin, sickly and nauseating. He felt like digging his nails deep into his skin to claw out the itch that had settled there from the moment he started had carving.

 

He felt like throwing up , as he gazed at the face, or what was left of it , of the man he had once loved. The once dimpled caramel skin of his cheeks lay in tatters around the bumpy, bleeding tissue. He could see bits of white bone under the gashes on his forehead and his scalp, jutting out at odd angles. His lips, gorgeous, soft lips were torn, the bottom lip barely hanging onto the crux of his mouth and his skin. His hair had been shaved and pulled at, in clumps. Patches of oozing sores and wounds decorated every surface. 

 

And his eyes.

 

The eyes that once held Taehyung's entire universe were blank and dull, blood gushing out of the hollow, mangled socket of his right eye. 

 

He felt a deep, shameful satisfaction at the desolation and resignment on Namjoon's face.

Finally, fucking finally Namjoon would know what it was like...what he had felt in those moments , lying there in a puddle of tears and torn flesh, praying for death, begging for salvation. 

And.

Somewhere, something deeper and uglier preened at the fact that Namjoon wouldn't consider him all that ugly anymore. That he wouldn't hate him anymore because he would know, he would understand what it was like and he would forgive him .

He swallowed down the knot of tears that had lodged itself into his throat and gripped the handle of the scalpel tighter, willing himself to just do it and make the cut. 

 

He didn't have much time. He'd have to bleed himself out too, before anyone came in and dragged him back to life again.

 

If they couldn't be together in life , he'd bloody well make sure they'd be together in death. If killing Namjoon was the only way to keep him away from that fucking Kim Seokjin he'd do it. For Namjoon's sake and his own. 

 

He pressed the tip into Namjoon's skin, watching as blood bubbled against the blade and Namjoon let out a whimper of defeat.

 

Unbidden, images of Namjoon laughing and smiling and holding him and tickling him and kissing him softly and singing him to sleep and playing with his hair and cooking him terrible breakfast and ranting about life and laughing at his jokes rushed at him and he had to physically push them out of his mind as he dug the blade deeper.

 

He instead called to this mind the sticky , horrible after noon when he'd found Namjoon with his mouth stuffed with cock, as he burned and suffered a few feet away.

The wave of hatred that hit him was so potent that it pushed the blade deeper.

An inch more and he'd hit his jugular, spraying blood over all of them.

 

He took a deep breath and tensed his muscles to push it in the last bit when-

 

The door slammed open and a man stood there, pale skin blooming with panic and tears, as his wild eyes scanned the room.

When he laid his eyes on Namjoon, he let out a growl of absolute agony and fury as he lunged for Taehyung, shoving him backward , careful not to jostle the blade in Namjoon's neck.

 

" What the fuck is fucking wrong with you , Kim Taehyung ? How fucking DARE you lay even a single fucking finger on him, you ungrateful fucking whore, I swear I'm going to fucking kill you, I'll -"

 

A bloody gargle caused his head to whip toward Namjoon and he let go of Taehyung to scramble to stand by Namjoon's table, but not before laying a kick so debilitating that Taehyung felt his ribs crack.

 

Through the haze of pain, he made out the made frantically trying to loosen the clamps on Namjoon, and letting out a scream of frustration and panic when he fumbled even a little, his nails close to breaking off because of the force of his efforts. When he finally managed to set Namjoon lose , he immediately cradled his intact body in his arms , rocking him gently, crooning at him.

 

" Joonie , Joonie , please , please, please, keep your fucking eyes open, I beg you, please. Just stay strong for hyung , okay? Please, for me , just, keep your eyes open and take a deep breath."

 

" Y-Yo- Hyung?" Namjoon gurgled , his words slurring with the blood that shone on his teeth as he attempted a smile.

 

" Shhh, Namjoon-ah, hyung is here now , I promise, I will make this okay , you'll be all okay Namjoonie, trust hyung. Just, keep your eyes open till I can get us out of here and I can get help, please , I beg you don't close your eyes. Stay with me."

 

" Mm, I'm...I'm so sweepy Hyungie. P-Please don't mwad at Taetae.."

 

" He's going to fucking burn for what he did to you, I promise. But right now, you have to stay with me , okay? Don't leave me , Namjoonie, please. I love you so much, I don't know what I'll do if anything happens- please Namjoon, I've already lost one person ..I can't...please what will I do without you? I'll die without you, Joonie...please, I love you."

 

" Wuv you too hyunie.."

 

" Sshh don't talk, I know you do, just focus on me, okay? Eyes on me , look at me. It's going to be okay. Listen to my voice, don't pay attention to anything else. I get us out of here, I promise , you'll be all beautiful again...just please stay with me.."

 

Namjoon nodded obediently and smiled, grimacing at the bolts of white hot pain that shot through him as he clung to his hyung's long , pale fingers. His hyung was here. He would be okay.

 

Taehyung watched, his head screaming in pain and remorse as the man swung around, hellfire burning in his eyes. He strode over and grabbed at his hair , slamming his head against the wall, looking so close to ripping Taehyung apart with his bare hands.

His eyes shone with an inhuman anger, fury so boundless and explosive that Taehyung was surprised how he'd gotten so close without having his face burnt off. His eyes screamed in barely contained fury, but just beneath the surface was grief and agony so great and potent and anguish so fucking sincere that Taehyung felt his own heart drop in sympathy with the broken and raw heart of the man threatening him with the sixth circle of hell.

 

" Fucking Kim Taehyung , I'd fucking rip you to pieces right now , but I have to get Joonie help. But I'm not going to kill you right now. First , I'm going to give you a fucking show to make you hate yourself so fucking much, you'll beg for death. And I won't give it to you. "

 

He let go of his hair and strode back to the bed.

Taehyung jumped at the sudden heartbroken, almost animalistic wail of anguish that ripped itself from the throat of the man. Taehyung trembled in fear, as it curled its icy fingers around his throat.

 

The last thing he saw , before everything faded to black, was Seokjin, on his knees before Namjoon, sobbing and pleading for him to open his eyes and the stench of burnt lavender in the air .

Chapter Text

The light of my future is dimming
Because of my childish love, I lost my way on a path of dream
The venom of my ambition, I sharpened my knife every day
But because of my uncontrollable greed, my knife became dull
I know it all
This love is another name for the devil
Don’t hold their hand
I shouted but turned away from my conscience
I feel the sharp reality more every day
There’s red blood from being torn apart by reality
I never thought that
The greed would become the trumpet heralding hell
Breathe

Boy meets Evil ~ BTS 

Chapter Text

Yoongi twisted the wedding ring around his finger, almost mesmerised at how loose it had become since he first slid it onto his finger. 

 

Hoseok's ring had been long taken off, for once his hands and legs shriveled to useless muscle, any jewelry refused to stay on. It now hung around his neck, on a chain that sometimes Yoongi would fiddle with as he put Hoseok to sleep or bathed him, willing himself to keep it together, not cry, not break down.

 

He winced as the twisting metal bruised the knobby bits of his fingers. 

 

He was... not happy.

 

When he'd printed out the marriage papers, Yoongi had thought he knew what he was getting into. The adrenaline and anger and relief had been so dizzyingly intoxicating that he'd leapt into a decision, assured that if he was doing it for Hoseok, it didn't matter what it cost him. Love had given him wings of wax, and buoyed by euphoria and assumed immortality, he had decided to walk into that waiting room, press a kiss to Hoseok's lips, slide a ring onto his finger and walk out with marriage papers and a court date. Foolishly he'd thought that love would get them through this , love would make it better. Love would find a way. Of course, he knew it wouldn't be easy, Hoseok was almost completely paralysed except for his eyes, which had bored so deeply and gratefully into Yoongi's own, lighting up with such relief and adoration when he'd seen Yoongi walk in, to save him, that any doubts Yoongi had, had had gone straight out of the window. 

 

He knew it would be bad. The reality, however, was far, far worse.

 

He'd wake up around five and start preparing Hoseok his mashed breakfast. He'd barely  have had a shower and eaten something for himself, when Hoseok woke. Then he'd have to empty his catheter, and lift him into his chair, which he then wheeled into the living room and painstakingly spoon fed him his food. He'd then have to lift Hoseok into the bathroom and try and hold him upright as he bathed and dressed him and placed him back into his chair. He'd then work Hoseok's muscles, kneading at his shriveled and useless legs and arms , either humming softly or singing along with the radio. Then it was lunch, clean the house, massage again, bring Hoseok back into bed, and wait till he fell asleep. He'd then have to study, scrambling to finish assignments and homework, and would fall asleep, exhausted around one. Sometime in the night, he'd wake to change Hoseok's diaper and clean him up and fall back into a fitful sleep, plagued with sunshine and blood and better times. 

 

But, not for one moment, did he stop reminding Hoseok of how loved he was. 

 

Whether it was whispering endearments into his hair, or smiling at him, despite how tired he was , or aibging softly to him, Yoongi clung to love, because it was all he had that kept him from going insane. 

 

Two months into the whole thing, he'd given up college. While he reasoned and rationalised saying he didn't need a degree to make music and everything , his heart still screamed in protest as he went to the college to confirm his withdrawal. He willed the tears away, reminding himself , goading himself , thinking that Hoseok wouldn't have hesitated if it had been Yoongi. But still, a niggling voice at the back of his head asked...he'd given up his education, what next? What more would he have to sacrifice to keep Hoseok, or rather his body alive and cared for? Would he become those...those people on the sidelines that everyone pitied, but no one remembered?

 

That evening, as he wiped Hoseok down, he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His skin was a sickly pale, broken by the purple bags under his eyes and his cracked lips. His hair had long faded to a pallid blonde and his cheeks were sunken and his hip bones prominent.

 

He looked tired and defeated and so, so miserable. 

 

Money had been tight, all of Hoseok's saving being used up for medical bills. Between the medicine and the extra mouth to feed and the fact that Yoongi had had to give up his job...there wasn't any money coming in, and a hell of a lot of it going out. 

 

It built, for Yoongi. It didn't happen all at once, but it happened.

 

It was the little things at first. How Hoseok wouldn't even make eye contact with him, how he would simply close his eyes or look away everytime Yoongi came to him. Or how Yoongi found himself quietly selling his laptop, to afford therapy for Hoseok. Or how he hadn't slept for two days once, keeping track of a suspicious fever. Or how, he tried to root through his backpack for something but only came up with tissues and diapers. 

Or how he hadn't been able to leave the house for more than an hour, because...what if…?

 

It built slowly, though, and finally came to a head when Yoongi had gone to apply for a job at a local café for a night shift, and he'd met with sniggers and side eyes, when he'd had to explain the whole Hoseok situation.

 

It hit him like a brick. His entire life, henceforth, would be the Hoseok situation. He'd never have a proper job or date or do anything or live any life , because of what he'd tied to his own ankles with a wedding ring.

 

The wave of hatred and anger that hit him almost made him double over, as he folded clothes onto the bed.

 

This was... Hoseok's own fucking fault. 

He'd chosen to throw himself off that building , he'd fucking tried to take his own life, he'd tried to hurt himself , barely an hour after he'd said he'd loved him. He'd decided and it was his decision that was going to...take Yoongi down with him.

 

He felt his fists clench and bitterness scratch at his heart , wanting a way in.

 

Suddenly all the memories of a time long gone by, were replaced by monochrome images of Hoseok promising , of Hoseok standing by that edge , uncaring of how his actions would affect those around him, uncaring of what the repercussions would be, uncaring of how he'd ruined Yoongi's life and taking that leap anyway.

 

Selfishly. Cowardly. 

 

He felt his heart burn with acid and regret.

 

He wished Hoseok had done it right the first time.

 

He wished Hoseok had just...died. 

 

He couldn't do this anymore. 

 

Guilt consumed him immediately and he automatically sought Hoseok out, eyes flitting to where he was sitting upright against the headboard.

He didn't mean it. 

Except for the part of him that did.

But when he did , he saw the man looking straight at him, his eyes full of such potent, raw hatred, heartbreak and betrayal that it seemed to consume and burn into Yoongi's soul. 

 

He'd accidentally spoken out loud.

 

Hoseok had heard him.



Chapter Text

Music filtered into the room, entwined in the lazy sunlight of the afternoon. It glittered across Hoseok's eyes, dusted across his skin and arms. 

 

Yoongi stood, cutting vegetables at the counter, while the radio played in the background, to keep himself and Hoseok company.

He'd turned Hoseok's chair so it faced him, while he cooked, almost as though trying to fill in the hole that had been made when the fantasy of a husband who backhugged him as he cooked, was ripped away.

 

He hummed as he threw a pot of water on the stove to boil.

The radio had switched to a popular idol song , a catchy, upbeat tune, something Yoongi recognized from the late late nights that Hoseok had forced him to spend, watching and rewatching choreography, till it was perfect. Mindlessly, he felt his hips swivel to the beat and feet tap out the familiar rhythm of the movements. 

He began to swing around, with clumsy hand movements and fumbling feet, until finally the song came to an end and Yoongi swiveled to look at Hoseok, searching for approval.

 

Instead, he was met with boundless, dark pools of despair, reflected in Hoseok's eyes. A fierce, bitter frustration sullied his sunshine features, and Yoongi saw his eyes squeeze shut in effort and concentration as he saw Hoseok try and sturggle to force his usless body into cooperation.

When he finally tired, he looked up at Yoongi with such despair, such exhaustion, such anguish, that Yoongi could taste its tang on his tongue. He couldn't imagine what it was like, for a man like Hoseok, who's control over his body was his entire life, to be stuffed into a still, stagnating body, waiting for the day it would give up on him.

 

He saw tears well up in Hoseok's eyes , helpless and frightened. He rushed over to him, squatting by his chair and trying to get Hoseok to look back up at him.

 

" Hey, hey Seokie, hey baby, come on. Come on, don't cry, Seok, don't cry. You're so beautiful, baby, so pretty and brave. You're such a gorgeous, strong boy, and I'm so happy you're my husband. Please baby, believe me."

 

At his words, Hoseok's face snapped up and Yoongi stumbled back, falling on his ass. Hoseok's eyes were a pitch black, with no whites.

 

" Liar." 

 

Yoongi flinched as a voice screamed across the room . Hoseok. Hoseok's voice. But not from Hoseok, no. It came from all around him, boring, consuming him, sucking up the oxygen in the room.

 

" Liar, liar, liar, liar, LIAR!" The voice screamed out.

 

When Yoongi looked at Hoseok, tears, black as tar began to pour from his eyes, staining his shirt.

 

" Stop lying. You don't love me. You don't care about me. You said it yourself. You want me to die. You wish I'd done a good job the first time and just finished myself off. You're a liar, Yoongi. A filthy , fucking liar."

 

" N-No Seokie, please, I love you so much, I promise , I never meant it , I promise I don't want you to die. Please, don't leave me , please. "

 

" Bullshit. You're a selfish man, Min Yoongi. Anything and everything you do, and want is for yourself. Never anyone else. When you asked me to stay, to be with you, to love you, you only thought about what you needed. Never asked, even once, what I was going through. Never cared. When Jungkookie messaged you, you didn't even reply, just blocked him. You don't love people , you're a selfish fucker. It's always about YOU and your problems and what's bothering you. You don't love people, Yoongi. You love how loving them, and making them love you makes you feel about yourself."

 

Yoongi tremebled, each word cutting into him like a knife.

 

" Don't...fucking...I FUCKING LOVED YOU. I swear it. I loved you . I'm not selfish...if I was selfish...I wouldn't try to help...I wouldn't….I love you, Hoseok, please, I love you." He screamed, vocal chords straining.

 

" That's a lie. You know, it honey."

 

Yoongi whipped around, and bit back a scream, when he came face to face with his mother's decaying, burnt face. Her eyes were dead. But her voice rang out across the room.

 

" That's a lie. All you do is pretend to love people and the moment they trust you, you fuck everything up. The moment you touch someone's life, you destroy it. Unhappiness doesn't follow you, Yoongi, you drag it with you, you sick freak. I'm ashamed to call such a coward my son."

 

Yoongi scrambled backward, " No...no Eomma, no please I just wanted to protect you, I swear , I never meant to hurt you, I swear I wanted you to be alive, I promise you, I'll do anything , please.."

 

" Don't make promises, you can't keep Yoongi-yah. Honestly, I'm just tired of you letting down everyone around you."

 

Yoongi turned and bit back another scream when he was confronted by deep dimples, bruised eyes, bloody tears and a foaming mouth.

 

" J-Joon?"

 

" That's right. You remember how you tore my life down for your selfish needs, don't you? You remember how you didn't think twice before stepping on me to get what you wanted?"

 

" No Namjoon, please , you have to understand, please, please...I promise...I swear I needed it, please."

 

But Namjoon only laughed and inched forward, making Yoongi move backward, away from him.

He bit back a whimper when his back hit the wall, watching their faces, twisted with hurt and anger and disappointment approach him, black tears running down their faces, as though they were in deep anguish.

 

And he'd done that. 

 

He'd caused this. 

 

His mother. Namjoon. Hoseok. They'd all tried to kill themselves because of him.

 

He felt like screaming as he felt tears wash down his face.

 

Namjoon and his mother stopped moving forward, making way for Hoseok to come close enough to kiss.

 

Yoongi saw anger, sadness, fury, disappointment, frustration, hurt, pain, agony, regret, hatred, betrayal, disbelief and naked desperation flicker across Hoseok's face, before he saw the man stand up , from the chair, and wrap his hands around Yoongi's neck and….



He woke up screaming. His shirt was plastered to his back and his fingers were trembling. 

He swiped a hand across his face to find it wet with tears.

 

The weight of the nightmare hung heavy on his head.

 

He couldn't...he let down everyone who ever loved him, everyone who ever trusted him. He couldn't let  Hoseok suffer too.

 

He loved him. Love would find a way.

 

He loved him and he would do anything to make everything alright.

 

He'd made enough messes and broken enough hearts, including his own. He was ready to dig his hands into the shards and bleed himself dry cleaning them up. He was ready. 

 

He drew a piece of paper and began to scribble on it, writing a letter for Hoseok to read. He deserved an explanation.

 

Once he was done , he placed it one the bedside table and shrugged into his jeans and his coat.

 

He trudged through the desolate night, stopping only when he reached his destination.

 

He'd fix this.

 

In the name of love.

 

He took a deep breath and entered the Magic Shop.

 

Chapter Text

When Taehyung's eyes fluttered open, he was standing in the biting cold of a Seoul winter gone by, shivering outside a familiar curb.

 

He twirled around, feeling nausea build in his throat as the tell tale smell of lavender assaulted his senses. Magic Shop. He was outside the Magic Shop.

 

He backed away, instinctively, from the curb, turning to run away, when he met with a familiar face. He jolted in surprise and expected a collision, but the man just passed by him, rushing into the shop. 

 

Taehyung gasped, in realization.

 

While his hair was in that horrible afro and he was skinnier and shorter, Taehyung could recognise Kim Namjoon anywhere. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

 

It had been over three years since Namjoon had gotten a haircut, and he hadn't dressed like that since he'd left Seoul National. Clearly, he was in the past, a spectator to something. 

 

‘I'll give you a show, so that you beg for me to kill you and I won't.' 

Seokjin's voice, wrought with hatred pierced his clouded mind, filling him with fear. He didn't want to go inside.

 

But he did. 

 

He pushed open the door, and walked to stand in the corner. Namjoon, sweet, beautiful, baby faced, Namjoon stood, fiddling with the edges of his sweater, nervous as he waited for someone.

 

"Ooh, what can I do for you today, handsome?" A voiced trilled out, the scent of lavender even more potent now that Seokjin had entered the room. Taehyung noticed that he hadn't aged much, except for his hair, which was black, rather than strawberry blonde. 

 

He watched Namjoon fold even further into himself, trembling. He took a deep breath, and tried to steady himself, before speaking.

 

"I heard you can grant wishes. I need...I mean, not me...I need a favour." 

 

Seokjin grinned in satisfaction and preened, walking to stand behind the counter.

"Of course, sweetie, anything , I can give you anything. For a price, but anything."

 

Namjoon fidgeted even further.

"I-I have this ... situation. Someone close...really really close to me, got into trouble , a-and I don't ...I need you to get him out of it. I can't pay...much...but I'll do anything , I'll try and fix this, I promise." 

 

Seokjin smiled and motioned for him to go further.

 

"My boyfriend, he's...he's the love of my life. His sister, she married a real asshole, a real son of a bitch who used to get drunk and beat her and abuse her. T-Taehyung...that's his name...he loves his sister so much, it used to kill him, everytime she made him promise not to call the cops, or beat that bastard back to hell. It used to eat him up inside...and t-then one day...Taehyung came back early from college and..that, that bastard was beating his son, his own fucking flesh and blood. I think Taehyung lost it , he...saw red and he picked up a broken bottle and stabbed the motherfucker to death...he's...he's at home, right now, called me and asked me to call the cops. He's...he's at home, waiting to get arrested. And I can't...I can't watch him..please. You have to save him."

 

Seokjin looked thoughtful, tapping his fingers against the counter in a rhythm that was clearly only agitating Namjoon further. 

 

"You're asking me to keep your boyfriend out of jail?"

 

Namjoon nodded fervently.

 

"It won't come cheap, so consider your decision."

 

"No...no I don't have to think about it. Whatever, whatever it takes…"

 

Seokjin nodded and walked over to Namjoon, sitting on the counter in front of him.

 

"Freedom for freedom. You want freedom for Taehyung; you'll have to give me yours."

 

"W-What do you mean?"

 

"You'll be bound to me, Namjoon, for life. You'll do what I say, say what I ask you to, whatever, the whole package. You'll obey me, no matter what. And if you ever, ever disobey me, the moment you do, your pretty boyfriend will be arrested and thrown into jail. Can you do that for me?"

 

Taehyung felt his heart scream in confusion, disbelief, anger and pain. No..no ...no ...He knew what Namjoon would pick. His sister had walked in and offered to take responsibility for the murder, cradled her child and thrown Taehyung out of the house and asked him never to return.

 

He'd never heard from her again. 

 

He wanted to scream, to yell, to beg Namjoon not to do it...not to take the deal, but he was whisked away to another time.

 

Here, Namjoon was bound to a bed, naked and drenched in water. Seokjin loomed over him with a long hooked rod. Taehyung's years at his grandparents place assured him that it was, a cattle prod. 

 

He watched as Seokjin lowered the buzzing rod to Namjoon's back, watching him flop and scream in agony, impassive, unfeeling. 

 

Another time, Namjoon was shivering in a bathtub full of ice, his tanned skin burning red. Seokjin popped his head into the bathroom, smiling at Namjoon and reminding him that he only had twenty more minutes. That's all. He should be a good boy.

 

Another time, Seokjin taking pictures with a Polaroid of a Namjoon sprawled on the bed, clearly unconscious, long scratches and cuts all the way down his back.

 

Of Seokjin asking, over and over if he'd like to disobey and Namjoon shaking his head, bleeding and shivering and sobbing but shaking his head, saying no, there was no need, he'd be good, he wouldn't disobey, there was no need to hurt Taehyung.

 

He jolted up, his head hitting the foot of the bed, grimacing in pain, he pushed himself off of the cold tile of the hospital floor and cradled his head as he stumbled into the bathroom. He looked at the mirror and a single tear left his eye, tracing its way down his grotesque face. And in that moment he hated himself, it burnt through his veins and made him lightheaded. Hatred so strong it almost stilled his heart. Confusion, fear, anger, hatred, guilt. He didn't know how to feel. 

He...he knew now, he knew why everything had happened...he knew why, he knew how, but for some reason, some bitter twisted part of him clung to that image of Namjoon crooning in satisfaction and comfort when Seokjin had burst into the room, smiling sleepily as he called him Hyungie and curled into his touch. What he'd seen suggested that Namjoon never loved Seokjin, that he'd done everything out of love for Taehyung, but some other part of him knew what love and trust looked like. 

He shook his head, biting back a scream of frustration as he ripped at the bandages covering his skin, shedding white cotton and cloth, littering the bathroom floor. He swallowed back a sob at the disfigured, mauled face, the skin mottled, grey and fused together, barely held together across his cheekbones. His eye, was a translucent,milky white, the eyelids fused into the skin below his brows. He felt a feral scream build in his throat.

 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

 

He didn't know...he wasn't...he didn't know what to do. He needed to sink his fingers into something and rip at it, to anchor himself back in reality. 

 

He sank to the floor of the bathroom, hands covered in Namjoon's blood, as he wept in the watery sunshine, sobbing, hoping his heart would just break so he wouldn't have to feel anything anymore. 

 

He lay there for what would have easily been an hour or so. No one from the recovery centre had come to check on him, they probably didn't care either.

 

And as the blood dried on his fingers, he fumbled for his phone, and dialled Namjoon's number. 

Chapter Text

When Yoongi didn't wake Hoseok as usual, he jolted awake, a nightmare drawing a soundless scream from him as he woke to the harsh sunlight of what would have easily been around 11 in the morning.

 

Where was Yoongi? He'd usually come in at seven, bustling with fake enthusiasm and cheer, forcibly yanking Hoseok into his chair and stuffing his throat full of sloppy goo.

 

He closed his eyes, the only thing he could still do, he noted bitterly, as he tried to listen for the telltale signs of Yoongi in the kitchen or in the phone.

 

Instead, he was met with a haunting sort of silence.

 

He felt the first fingers of dread curl up spine, fisting his hair and whispering taunts into his ear. He couldn't...Yoongi wouldn't.

 

He opened his eyes again and felt his heart leap out of his damn chest. His eyes widened and he subconsciously tried to scramble out of the gaze of the man reclined across Yoongi's cot, fiddling with his phone, eyes locked on Hoseok's face and a smirk dancing proud on his lips. He let out a whine of frustration at finding the object of his nightmares staring so intently at him, murder in his eyes.

 

Jeon Jungkook.

 

Jungkook broke the stare first, standing up to walk to Hoseok's bedside, ignoring how the man visibly flinched away from him, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to look at him. He chuckled at how Hoseok seemed to draw away from him in spirit, even if his body wouldn't co-operate.

 

"Oh Hoseok-ssi, that's no way to treat a guest in your home, is it? Oh don't worry, sweetie, I'm not here to stay, just a little errand for Yoongi hyung."

 

He watched with amusement as Hoseok's eyes lit up with fury and fear, a haunted look painting his face.

 

"Hmm, it's alright, I just want to pick up some clothes for him. Figured I'd stay till you woke up and give you the news in person, you know, give you a head start." 

 

He walked over to the cupboard, and began to pull clothes into his arms, jeans, shirts, hoodies. He then circled back to the bed, dumping them all on it, folding them slowly.

 

"Oh, I'm sure you're confused. Don't worry, I'll explain everything. So, as you know, Yoongi hyung has been feeling a little...what would you call it...ahh..stressed. Upset. You know, with the whole college thing and the money thing and ..well. He'd been feeling a little down. Upset, at himself, at you, at the world, everything. Well, yesterday, he came over to the Shop, to ask for help from Jin hyung. You know, a way to get out of all of this, help things go back to normal."

 

Jungkook watched in satisfaction as horror slowly crawled into Hoseok's once forcibly neutral expression. 

 

"Well, I was at the Shop too, drinking and talking and everything. Well, Jin hyung invited Yoongi for a drink, a talk, and some stress relief. You know how Yoongi hyung is, once he gets drunk. He...uh...told us everything. About how pathetic his life had become, how sad and frustrated he was, how he just wanted a damn break. How he wished you'd just done a good job the first time around. Now, he doesn't know our little secret, about the rooftop. Good for him, I suppose, that he believes you did this to him and yourself. Anyway, he started pouring his heart out. About how he wished he hadn't lied about loving you and how he wished he could take back the moment that he walked into the hospital and married you. About how he wished everything was just as it was before, me and him, crazy, wild and young. He told me how he kept thinking of me, every second that he was trapped here. About how every time he looked at you, he remembered how much he wanted what he'd given up. He told me how he cried himself to sleep, thinking how he'd hurt me. And hyung, now when a man is on his knee , kissing your hands, begging for forgiveness and love, even the most disciplined can't hold back. Well, one led to the other and we ended up back in my apartment. I missed him so much, hyung. I missed how good he made me feel. Anyway. He's at my place now, just woke up and fed him some breakfast. He asked me to pick up his stuff. Now, don't worry, he's going to call Social Services immediately, before he goes, so you'll be taken good care of. But, you know...it's over. He deserves a life."

 

Jungkook finished, his voice cracking at the end, from overuse.

 

He then looked up, to try and gauge Hoseok's reaction. 

 

He'd never seen a heartbreak, real time. He'd never see how pain, anger, pain, hope, frustration, desperation, deprecation, hatred, anguish, sadness, manic agony, and sorrow washed over a face, unmoving eyes spanning an entire spectrum of emotion and memories. He'd never seen how tears fell freely from someone's eyes, washing over his unmoving face, burning tracks of pain into the skin. He'd never seen how a heart broke open, to release black, oily agony, washing over the entire room, as though physically trying to seek out an absent presence. 

 

He felt so powerful.

 

He'd done that.

 

He felt a rush of euphoria tingle his in veins, but he forced himself to focus.

 

He bent forward, forcing himself not to draw away at the hellfire in Hoseok's eyes as he condescendingly wiped at Hoseok's eyes, giggling at how the man tried to damn him to hell with his eyes alone.

 

"Now, now Hoseokie. Don't be like this. It's not like you didn't see this coming. Don't tell me hyung, you actually thought Yoongi was happy? Surely, you knew he'd walk away from your damaged, shrivelled body soon? You couldn't have possibly thought Yoongi hyung was going to stay with you forever, did you? Oh hyung. My poor, sad, hyung. You must have realised you were a fucking burden, right? Come on, surely no one would want to stay with a raisin, a barely there shell of a man? Don't be ridiculous." 

 

“Besides, didn't you say you loved hyung? Then wouldn't you want him to be happy? Think of what he could have, Seokie, if he didn't have you. A career, money, a house, a husband who could take care of him, who could kiss his welcome and make love to him and spoil him like he deserves. Children, a dog, a perfect, perfect life. Don't you want that for him? Don't you want him to be happy? Just because your life is ruined, should his life be ruined too? That's awfully selfish of you, Seokie."

 

"What can you give him, anyway? You can't do shit for him Seokie, just a fucking disgusting burden. A grown man really needs his husband to wipe his ass and spoon feed him baby food? Where's your dignity? Where's your fucking pride? My eyes hurt even looking at you, like a dead lump in bed. Why would Yoongi want anything to do with you?

 

“You know better than anyone why he left Daegu, don't you? You were there with him right? Look what you’ve done, he’s had to abandon his dreams and waste away after you…and for what Seokie? Just out of pity. Not love, Seokie, pity. If he ever loved you or if you ever believe he did…do you think he still does? Are you still as fucking self-centred as you were back then?…you didn’t even blink when you stole him from me. He was mine, he is mine and he will always be mine, always. So why don’t you just remove yourself from the picture? From our lives? Do you know what guilt feels like? Because I know, I feel guilty for letting him run back to your fucking pathetic ass, I should’ve held him back, I should’ve kept him next to me, where he belongs, where he will be happy.”

 

“Yoongi hyung was right, you should’ve died the first time around…we all make mistakes you know…but you can still fix things now, do what I couldn’t do the first time. He’s left you for Seokie hyung, don’t you think it’s about time out left too? For good?”

 

“Think about it hyung, Yoongi hyung will be finally do what he wanted to do the man he actually loves, it's time you stepped aside, or should I say go away entirely? Do you like the life you are living, being a fucking roadblock…making others’ lives miserable because of your fucking pitiful self, no one could have a future with you even if they loved you, fuck that, you don’t even have a future for yourself, so how about you let the people who are fucking wasting away have a fucking life of their own huh hyung?”

 

Jungkook paused to catch his breath, this feeling, of controlling the man who once stole the only thing that mattered to him, was catapulting him to a high he had never experienced before. Watching Hoseok twitch with fear at his words watching him come undone this way made him lust for more power, more control, he wanted Hoseok gone. No mistakes.

 

“I don’t know how you do it hyung, live on day after day knowing how many lives you’ve fucking ruined…how can you breathe knowing that Yoongi hyung was stifled all this time, gasping for breath, needing release so badly when all out did was suffocate him further? Honestly, Yoongi hyung is lucky I loved him so much and that I took him back, because god knows being with you was fucking killing him Seokie hyung.”

 

“Anyways, I better get back to him, he needs someone to nurse him and care for him because running after your ass has wrecked him, he needs someone who can take care of him, he needs me. It has always been me.”

 

Jungkook finally paused, striding out of the room after sparing Hoseok one last scathing look. He knew he has done what he had needed to do, he knew Hoseok, he knew his Seokie hyung and he knew that if he had been a weak man, he was now a broken man.

 

Hoseok looked around the room his eyeballs spinning widely in their sockets until he shut them out of sheer exhaustion and let the tears flow. He hadn’t cried since that day on the rooftop. Yoongi had made him so happy, made him feel so loved, made it all seem so real, so possible that he thought he had forgotten how to cry. Jungkook was right, he was the villain, he had fucked everything up. First he’d fucked up with Jimin, then Jungkook and now Yoongi. Maybe things would’ve been better if there wasn’t a mistake the first time around. Maybe he could fix everything now. He had to fix everything. Now.

 

Out of the corner of his bleary eyes, he saw a large, rusty nail sticking out from Yoongi’s side of the bed, he shed another tear when he realised that was why he insisted on sleeping on that side. He remembered the doctor warning him before his discharge, “Hoseok-ssi, the damage to your spine is irreparable and if you put pressure anywhere near your backbone, you are as good as dead.” Yoongi had always ensured that his back was padded with extra pillows and nothing harsher than a feather ever came in contact with his back. But Yoongi was gone.

 

He wanted to be gone too.

 

He tried to rock his body to the side, the weak iron frame of the bed shook even though Hoseok’s efforts were feeble at best, he rocked a bit more, and his elbow hit the nail, he looked around the room one last time and he saw Yoongi everywhere. At the basin wetting a washcloth for him, at the bedside reading out his new prescription, lying on the bed next to him, gently stroking his hair, telling him he loved him, that he loved being with him no matter what, that he would always be with him.

 

He gave the bed one final rock, the nail wedging itself right in his lower backbone, his eyes widening with pain, his final tears staining his cheeks, but he smiled, knowing that they were tears of relief, of joy, not of pain. Tears he shed knowing that Yoongi was finally happy, that he was with the man he loved, that he had fixed the mistake.

 

He had fixed everything.

Chapter Text

Yoongi woke wrapped in an unfamiliar scent, in a bed far too comfortable for his stupid dingy apartment. His vision was hazy and a headache pounded at the back of his consciousness. He winced, eyes still crummy, as he tried to adjust to the bright lights of the daylight.

 

He shook his head, squinting, as he sat up, ignoring the wail of protest his head gave, as wave of nausea ripped through him. He rubbed his eyes, as he took in the familiar cream walls and blue cabinet of Jungkook's-

 

Wait. 

 

Jungkook.

 

Jungkook?

 

What was he doing at Jungkook's house? He remembered heading out in the middle of the night, tears running down his face, as he made his way to the one place he never wanted to see again.

 

He remembered entering the shop and asking Seokjin for his wish, but after that...nothing. Blurred colours, glitter and moans swirled behind his eyelids, setting off pin pricks of pain all over his skull.

 

He threw the covers off of himself, and attempted to get off of a bed far too soft to ever be his. He lurched, disoriented, as he tried to steady himself and regain balance, groaning softly in deafeat.

 

" Woah, woah, hyung. You sure you want to get out of bed? I made breakfast. I mean brunch..but hey we can eat in bed?"

 

Yoongi jumped at the sudden intrusion, turning his head to see Jungkook leaning against the doorframe, amusement dancing in his eyes.

What the fuck had happened? Jungkook? Why was he at Jungkook's house? 

He didn't..he wouldn't…he hadn't seen Jungkook since he'd blocked the younger man's number. So..

" W-What the fuck am I doing here? W-What time is it? Fuck..my head...fuck.." He rasped in confusion, watching as Jungkook entered the room, to stand right in front of him.

 

" Uh...it's about three in the afternoon. I let you sleep in hyung. God knows you needed it after last night."

 

" T-Three? Fuck. What do you mean last night? What about it? I can't...fuck I can't remember anything. Did you...what did you do to me? Holy fuck...Hoseok...I need to...I fucking left him alone at home...I need to go." He said, fear washing over him, dripping down his spine. Hoseok. He'd forgotten Hoseok. God, he needed to get home now.

 

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief and clucked his tongue. 

" Ahh hyung , why do you drink so much? Really? You don't remember last night?"

 

Yoongi attempted to snarl at him as he finally unentangled from the sheets. The cool air against his bare skin made him shiver. He was...naked?

He looked up, eyes wild.

 

" What ...what the fuck did you do to me? Why am I like this? JEON JUNGKOOK ! You answer me right now...What the fuck did you do, because I sure as hell know I wouldn't come home with you..I wouldn't do that to Hoseok, you know that. So you just tell me what you did."

 

Jungkook stepped back at that and smirked.

" You mean what you did to me? Because you did me real good, hyung."

He let out a laugh at that and dropped the robe covering his shoulders.

 

Yoongi felt as though his breath had been punched out of him, as he took in Jungkook's cream skin covered with purpling bruises, hickeys and scratches. Jungkook looked incredibly satisfied, as he dropped the robe completely to the floor, abandoning his position at the foot of the bed to crowd into his space, pushing him onto the bed, so he fell on his back.

 

He grinned at Yoongi, tracing a fingertip along his sternum, hardening against his thigh.

" You remember now, hyung? You remember how you fucked me so good that I screamed? Remember how you pulled my hair and whispered the filthiest things into my ears? Remember how you made me come over and over again till I was begging to stop? You remember now hyung? Because I don't think I could ever forget. Want me to remind you some more?"

 

Yoongi snapped back to his senses at that.

" NO! N-No I wouldn't ...I didn't...I'm married ...I love my husband… I wouldn't...ever even touch you. You're lying. You're lying. Please. Don't lie to me. I didn't touch you…I wouldn't touch you..Hoseok-ah is at home. Oh God , Hoseok..I need to get back to my Hoseokie. Move Jungkook, move. Don't make me punch you."

 

Jungkook scrambled off of Yoongi, to avoid getting punched in the face. He refused, however, to put his robe back on, stretching in his naked glory across the bed, watching with amused eyes as Yoongi scrambled around the room, throwing on clothes.

 

" You sure you don't wanna go for round two, hyung? I'd be down for anything really. Anyway, you know where to find me."

 

Yoongi shot him one last disbelieving look before toeing on his shoes and stumbling into bright afternoon.

 

He spent the next thirty minutes of the subway ride, anxiously fidgeting and tapping his fingers, too restless to think straight.

 

Hoseok would be okay...right? 

 

It's not like he could go anywhere and hurt himself or anything. Worst case, he'd have a hard time cleaning him up, but that was about it, right?

 

The doctor hadn't...he'd never told him anything about Hoseok needing care 24/7. Surely just one night...nothing too terrible could have happened right?

 

He shook his head with a sigh, wincing at how his head protested at every jerk of the car. He didn't...he knew he wouldn't have gotten drunk..he wouldn't have left himself vulnerable to Seokjin like that.

 

He'd reached the Shop, fully aware of himself, ready to ask that he take Hoseok's punishment of paralysis on himself and allow Hoseok to walk again.

He'd walked in, and Seokjin had forced him to drink a cup of tea. He hadn't refused, hadn't had the strength to, and then...nothing.

 

He didn't remember Jungkook taking him home, or having sex or why he'd woken up with Jungkook when he loved Hoseok.

 

He felt unease creep down his neck.

 

The tea...the insistence...Jungkook saying they'd had sex, but Yoongi not remembering a moment of it...the fact that he'd never willingly hurt Hoseok like that…

 

Had he…

 

Had Jungkook drugged him?

 

Panic shot through his body, setting his nerves on fire.

 

Why would he…

 

Hoseok.

 

Oh God

 

He sprinted towards the dingy apartment complex, taking two stairs at a time, heaving with effort, as he fumbled with the keys, almost screaming in frustration when his fingers trembled too much to complete even a simple task. He finally wrenched the door open, and stood panting in the doorway, too scared to step inside, for fear of what he'd see.

 

The apartment reeked of silence.

 

Yoongi knew silence. He'd befriended it, accepted it, revelled in it, learnt to treat it as a lover, a confidante. Caring for a paralysed man had conditioned Yoongi to an apartment that was deathly still by its very nature.

 

But today, something seemed so fundamentally wrong with the silence...as though she herself were in mourning.

 

He threw his things down on the couch, and hesitantly tiptoed into the bedroom, eyes ready to snap shut, in fear.

 

If anything happened to Hoseok...he'd kill himself...he'd...

 

He twisted the doorknob gently, and opened the door.

 

Hoseok was asleep.

 

Of course. Of course.

 

He walked gently towards the bed and sat down, not minding the stench of unchanged, soiled clothes, as he ran a hand over Hoseok's forehead, to brush the bangs away from his eyes.

 

Hoseok's skin was icy cold.

 

His ears suddenly roared with sound, as though a thousand oceans of emotion had crashed down on his head, pushing him underwater, fighting him for every breath he struggled to take. The dull gold of the room blurred to a muted gold, silence and sunlight blending into an indecipherable mess in his mind. 

 

He jerked his hand back, the panic and fear and nausea from earlier creeping back into the edges of his vision, as tears welled up in his eyes.

 

" Hoseok-ah?"

 

No response.

 

" Hoseokie!"

 

A little louder this time.

 

" Seokie, Seokie, I know you're asleep baby, I know you're asleep. Come on now, I know you can hear me. Wake up now, Hoseok. I'm home, I'm here. This is...come on...wake up, please? "

 

" Seokie..I know you're awake, come on. Don't trouble hyung anymore, baby. I'm very tired. Please? Just wake up, Hoseok, please, please, please ."

 

" Oh I know what this is. You're upset at me, aren't you, baby? You're upset that I left you. But don't worry. I promise you I'm here...I never meant to leave you..I promise, just please ."

 

" Okay Seokie, nice one, ha ha. Fooled your hyung, gave him a heart attack. Joke's over, baby. Come on, rise and shine."

 

" Seokie, Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok, please. Please just open your eyes for me. Just once. Just for a second. Hey, hey, hey Hoseokie. You gotta stay with me, stay with me. You gotta...you promised. Hey, you remember that time when-when we went drinking on that stupid fucking mountaintop and you remember how you said you were gonna stay with me forever? Hey, you promised... promised we'd be together Seokie, now don't bail on me. Please. Please. "

 

He slid to his knees, by the bed, cradling Hoseok's face in his hands, to scared to inch towards his neck and check for a pulse he knew wouldn't be there. He was sobbing, by now, tears washing down his face and splattering to the floor.

 

He smoothed his hands over his face again and again. Hoseok's once beautiful, bright features had iced over, cold and neutral, unliving. His eyes, that pooled with warmth and beauty and love and a promise of a better tomorrow, now lay closed, unmoving, lifeless. 

 

" Hoseokie. Hoseokie, come on. Don't do this...don't leave me. Please . What will I do without you? What will I ...can't live without you Seok. You-You have to come back..I-I don't care. You have to. YOU HAVE TO! " He screamed, shaking Hoseok's body violently, as though that would breath life back into him.

 

He cradled Hoseok's head close to his chest, lifting it up, only for a bloodied, jagged nail to slip out from the back of his neck, blood pooling from the puncture where it'd been driven so deep into his spine that white slips of bone peeked through the flesh.

 

Yoongi bit back a manic sob, as he hugged Hoseok's limp, lifeless body close to him, praying, begging for warmth to seep through Yoongi's clothes and into his heart. He heard a scream rip through the apartment, shattering the silence, dripping agony and pain and devastation and emptiness and loss and anguish and anger and fear and grief. It reverberated in the still silence of the afternoon, so powerful, it should have ripped the vocal cords of the person right out. Distantly, Yoongi realised that that sound had come from his own throat, raw with agony, physical and emotional.

 

Hoseok was...the nail..how..?

 

He'd been so careful to warn Hoseok to never even accidentally jostle himself, lest that bloody nail hurt his spine..so why?

 

He wouldn't...what had happened in those hours that he'd been drugged unconscious.

 

You're mine, understood? 

 

I can kill for you and I will 

 

I can also kill you 

 

But I promise you, you'll remain mine

 

Lock your doors at night .

 

Jungkook. Oh God. Had Jungkook...no, he wouldn't...no…

 

" Did you like my gift, hyung?"

 

Yoongi scrambled upright, startling at the melodious voice spitting venom in his doorway.

 

Jungkook.

 

Oh God.

 

He felt his heart quicken as he instinctively gathered Hoseok's corpse closer to him, as though trying to shield it from whatever damage Jungkook had done.

 

" W-What gift? L-Look you go away, stay away from me..just...don't come closer.. Don't touch me!"

 

Jungkook backed off with a shrug, as though trying to say your call, before scanning the room. 

 

Yoongi shuddered at Jungkook's gaze, as though it personally dirtied the room further.

 

" Ahh hyung. My big gift to you. My...what do you call it?...ah...grand gesture. I know you've been wanting his for such a long time, hyung. But I know you never could have done it yourself. So, as your loving boyfriend, I thought I'd do it for you."

 

Yoongi shrank into himself further.

" W-What do you mean...what did, WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

 

But Jungkook only chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. 

" Oh hyung. Don't act like you didn't want to get rid of this ugly bitch just as much as I did. I just...well, I did you a favour. Figured he'd die sooner or later, so I thought I'd make it sooner. What do you think? Do you like it? Oh and don't worry about the other stuff. I asked Seokjin hyung. He said these things get ruled as accidents all the time, so you wouldn't have to worry about the police or anything. As if I'd let anyone take you away from me now. You're safe, hyung. And you're finally free. No more babysitting and cleaning and cooking. You can finally have the life you want, with me. Aren't you happy?"

 

Yoongi gasped in horror and realization, scrambling back so his back hit the headboard. 

" You...you what?" He whispered.

 

" Oh I tried to do a good job, back at the rooftop. Fucked that up though, the rat lived. But that was back when I thought you still cared about him. Now that you wanted him dead, things got so much easier. No guilt, you see? Anyway. That's not important. I didn't...I didn't kill him though, bitch managed to do one thing right. I just had to, well, nudge him in the right direction. Oh don't look at me like that, I just did him a favour and told him you didn't love him. Nothing big, just the truth. Anyway. You know what this means, right? We're free. To do whatever. To get out of here and live our lives and make money and make love. We're free hyung. I know, I didn't want to do this eithe- okay who am I kidding. We both know we wanted him dead. I did it for you though, knowing it's what you wanted. It was so much easier, this time, knowing you wouldn't get mad at me if I did this for you. Aren't you glad I did? No more burden, no more embarrassment. Just you and me. I did this for us hyung. Aren't you happy?"

 

Jungkook grinned and walked towards the bed where Yoongi sat frozen, eyes unfocused and horrified as he bent down to kiss Yoongi.

 

The first brush of his lips, startled Yoongi out of his daze and he swung his free arm back, as far as it would go, and slapped Jungkook across the face.

 

Jungkook drew back, in startled pain, cupping his cheek, heartbreak and confusion in his eyes.

 

" H-Hyung?"

 

Yoongi looked up at him, raw, venomous anger in his eyes.

"Don't fucking touch me, you fucking monster ."

 

Jungkook recoiled as though he'd been slapped again, brows furrowing in genuine confusion.

A manic, deranged light zigzagged through his face, pulling an eerie, bright smile onto his lips.

 

" Oh hyung . Now why did you have to say that?"

 

Yoongi barely had time to grasp at the pitying, amused look Jungkook gave him,as though scolding a little child, before a sharp pain ripped through his skull, exploding behind his eyelids, turning everything dark.

Chapter Text

The smell of gasoline, tears and heartbreak jolted Yoongi into consciousness, eyes opening slowly. His head screamed in agony, white hot pain throbbing behind his eyes. He tried to move his hands, only to find them leaden and uncooperative.

 

That woke him up.

 

He looked down to see that he was lying face down in a pool of oily gasoline, hands tied behind his back, what could only be blood dripping down his face.

His once white shirt was now a greasy yellow of cloth soaked in oil and blood was crusted along its collar. His entire body felt like it was made of scorching lead, adrenaline and fatigue combining to punish his body, making him moan in pain.

He thrashed in his restraints, grunts and groans leaving his mouth as he finally managed to roll himself onto his back. He winced as he felt fresh oil seep into the back of his shirt. He felt his head jostle against the hard floor, and let out a scream of pain, lifting his head, only to meet with Jungkook's impassive face, sitting on the bed above him, flicking a lighter on and off.

 

Jungkook .

Oh God.

 

He'd never...his beautiful innocent bunny boy, his sweet baby Jungkookie, his darling little baby boy, now sat above him, legs spread, eyes dark and taunting as he dangled death so close that Yoongi could taste it. 

 

On catching Jungkook's eyes, Yoongi thrashed against the cloth cutting into his wrists, as he tried to scream around the gag in his mouth, eyes turning bloodshot and veins popping in hemis veins.

 

All while Jungkook looked through him, like he was bored, like he wasn't worth his time. 

 

He kept struggling, rolling around, kicking his legs, trying to break free from the knots holding his hands, till he slumped back to the floor, cheek pressed against the cold wood, a tired, defeated whimper leaving his lips. 

 

Finally, Jungkook clicked the lighter closed and threw it on the bed, standing up to kneel next to Yoongi. He caressed the older man's forehead, pushing away the sweat soaked hair from his eyes, chuckling at how Yoongi tried to wriggle away from him.

 

" You can stop fighting now, hyung. You've lost." 

 

When Yoongi let out a scream of dissent, Jungkook sneered, mocking, hateful, roughly lifting his face from the floor.

 

" Don't make a fucking sound, bitch. Don't tempt me to do something I don't want to." 

 

Yoongi snarled at Jungkook, trying to make the words never heard over the gag.

 

Suddenly his head was facing the ground again, cheek smarting, head aching with the force of Jungkook's slap. Tears sprung to his eyes, wet, messy, desperate. Just how Jungkook liked it.

 

He let out a whine when his face was wrenched up to meet Jungkook's cold eyes, his breath fanning over his face. Yoongi struggled in his hold, but Jungkook tightened his grip on his jaw, using enough force to crack it.

 

" I've been thinking long and hard about what you said to me, baby. You know, the monster thing. And you know what? I think you're right. I am a monster for you, babe. Look what you've made me do. Aren't you proud?"

 

He slid to the ground, unmindful of the oil staining his clothes, as he sank to Yoongi's eye level.

 

" You know what made me like this, don't you? You know how much I love you. And you know that sometimes when we love someone, we have to protect them. That's right baby. You know it too. You know that everything I did, everything I'm doing, it's all for you. It's always been for you. My blood, my sweat, my tears, my last dance, my everything. My mind, my body, my soul. You stole everything the moment you looked at me across campus and smiled that beautiful smile of yours. I knew I was gone then. I knew I was completely yours, to my last cold breath. Yours, baby. As you are mine."

 

He pulled Yoongi into his lap at this, forcing his legs apart so he straddled Jungkook. Jungkook grinned and yanked Yoongi's stained shirt down, and pressed a gentle, reverent kiss there. Yoongi yelped at the action and then watched, eyes round with fear as Jungkook raised the lighter to his chest, flicking it on, to let the tip of the flame lick at the skin. It didn't hurt at first, the sensation cold and foreign. And then it did, tingling with pain.

 

" You're so sweet, baby. Like a poisoned Grail. Beautiful, holy, but so deadly. Makes me aches to put you to my lips and drink you up. No matter if it kills me. Doesn't matter if it hurts. I'll ask for it, tighter, harder, more. If it's from you, anything.

You drive me so fucking crazy. It's like you're beautiful, a perfect, perfect angel and you make me fall in love with you again and again. Tell me sweetie, if you fall in love with a fallen angel, doesn't that damn you to hell? Then how can you accuse me of being the way I am?"

 

" Yoongi, hyung, baby. Come on. Please. Don't make me hurt you, I really really don't want to. But I will, if you won't see what's good for you. I jist want the best for you baby. I'll tell you my offer. It's simple. Forget this, forget everything. Forget everything and come with me. We can go far far away. Somewhere beautiful. We'll have a house and kids and I'll take such good care of you. All you have to do is say yes to me. Say you love me. And we can put this behind us. I'll forget about it. For our sake. And I can make you so happy, baby. So happy. I'll take care of you like he never could. I'll make you the happiest man on earth, I promise me. But you have to choose me." 

 

" But baby. If you say no, if you reject my love, you have to understand I can't let anyone else have you. You have to understand how that would hurt me, yes? I can't breathe thinking of any other man running his hands, kissing, loving what's mine. You get me, right? You'd understand why I'd have to kill you? I can't escape you, so you don't get to escape me, baby. I'll have to do it. I don't want to. You have to know that. I'll never ever want to hurt you. I'll never want to see you cry. But if you make me, if you force me to, I'll have to do it baby. It won't take much, I have the lighter right here. It'll be quick and beautiful. Just like you. I promise you. I don't want to. But I will if I have to. So make your choice, darling. Oh? Baby wants to speak? Baby wants to say something? I'll take your gag off if you're good, baby." 

 

Jungkook untied the gag, ripping the cloth from Yoongi's mouth and throwing it on the ground. He worked at Yoongi's wrists too, slowly undoing the knots, freeing him.

 

Yoongi fell to the floor, out of Jungkook's lap, gasping and shivering, as though trying to force air back into his lungs. He stayed on the floor, curled into a ball, white hot fear choking him. Sobs wracked through his body.

 

Jungkook waited patiently for him to finish, silently rubbing Yoongi's back.

 

Until.

 

Yoongi looked up, hatred, disgust, anger, wrath, grief and insanity in his eyes, bloodshot and teary.

 

" You fucking disgust me. No one can ever love you, you monster." 

 

And he drew back and spat in Jungkook's face. Jungkook blinked in surprise, drawing his face back. Yoongi took advantage of the situation and kicked him as hard as he could, in the groin.

 

Jungkook let out a scream of agony and fury, falling backwards.

 

Yoongi scrambled up, forcing his legs to cooperate, as he rushed to the living room, grabbing the lighter from Jungkook's palm, locking the bedroom door behind him.

 

He tripped over his feet as he fumbled for his phone, to call the police, to call Namjoon, to call anyone.

 He screamed in frustration as the phone slipped from his trembling hands, as he tried to dial the number for the Seoul police. Tears poured down his face, desperate, terrified tears, as the phone rang.

 

At the third ring the bedroom door burst open, Jungkook emerging from the splintered wood with a maniacal grin, blood pouring from his knuckles.

 

" Come on, baby. Don't be like this. Just come here."

 

Yoongi dropped the phone, shattering it, and began to throw the things on the table at Jungkook. Jungkook however, only laughed in glee, and moved forward, unfazed as a glass shattered across his forehead, the cut dripping blood onto his forehead and onto his smile.

 

He lurched forward, grabbing Yoongi's wrist in a vice like grip, bruising and violent, as he pulled Yoongi to him. Yoongi stumbled over his feet, crashing into Jungkook's chest. 

 

Jungkook yanked Yoongi's face upward and growled.

" Don't run, baby. You're mine."

 

Jungkook crashed his lips to Yoongi's, forcing his mouth open, licking and biting at his lips, rough,so blood flowed between their mouths.

 

Yoongi, writhed in Jungkook's hold and bit his tongue, teeth sinking to the flesh, making Jungkook yowl in pain and jerk away, bloody saliva stringing them together.

 

Yoongi, sensing an advantage, drew his hand back and punched Jungkook as hard as he could, throwing him the sofa, clutching his bleeding nose. He let out a feral scream and threw a dining chair in Jungkook's direction. The chair hit, instead, the mirror above the couch, making glass rain onto the floor and over Jungkook's face.

Jungkook  let out a scream of pure rage, pouncing back onto Yoongi, hands squeezing his neck, choking him. He used his muscles to pin Yoongi back into the couch, increasing his pressure on his neck,

Yoongi choked and spluttered, thrashing against the hold on his neck, turning purple with the loss of oxygen.

 

He lifted his eyes,  defeatedly to Jungkook's, a lone tear washing down his face.

Jungkook was suddenly hit by memories, so strong and potent that he knew Yoongi was thinking them too.

 

How Jungkook would toss Yoongi playfully to this very couch, tickling and kissing him all over, until their eyes darkened and hands quickened and moans loudened. How Yoongi would often catch Jungkook passed out on the couch, drool hanging off his chin, books spread across the table. How he would laugh, clear up the books, get a blanket and then climb in, to snuggle with Jungkook. How Jungkook would tuck his face into the soft part of Yoongi's shoulders, everytime a scary scene came on, Yoongi whispering calmingly into his ears. How Yoongi would wrap Jungkook into a blanket burrito on the couch, everytime he fell sick, and would force feed him warm porridge and kiss away his tired pout. How they would lie, cuddled into one another, whispering I love yous into each other's mouths, content  in being each other's forevers.

 

Jungkook's grip loosened.

 

Yoongi rolled off the couch, coughing and spluttering, trying to rub the feeling back into his neck.

 

Jungkook meanwhile sat, deadly still on the couch.

 

Yoongi crawled towards the door, panting, whimpering , unmindful of the shattered glass on the floor ripping into his skin. 

 

The door...so close... so close

 

A hand grabbed at his hair, ripping it upward, drawing a scream from Yoongi as Jungkook yanked it almost right out from the roots, forcing Yoongi to stand up, throwing him against the closed door, slapping him across the face.

 

" Stop hiding and running from me. Please baby. I love you so fucking much, baby. So much."

 

Yoongi tried to feel for the doorknob behind him, discreetly, fingers fumbling against the metal as he got a firm grip. He grabbed onto the doorknob, twisting gently.

 

The resounding creak ricocheted across the silent breath.

 

Yoongi and Jungkook made eye contact for a second.

 

 Yoongi wrestled out of his grip rolling over and yanking the door open as hard as it could, so it smashed into Jungkook's skull.

 

Jungkook reeled back, roaring in pain, momentarily blinded, clutching his face in agony.

Yoongi took advantage, and pushed Jungkook, as hard as he could, out of the apartment and slammed the door shut, locking it firmly behind him.

 

A groundshaking thud rumbled through the door, the sound of a body slamming against the wood.

" Baby? Baby. Just let me in. Don't make me break the door." 

 

Yoongi sprang across the room, collapsing, panting against the wall opposite the door.

Tears or frustration and fear ran down his face as he shook, scanning the room for something...a weapon, something. Maybe...maybe someone would stop Jungkook...maybe they'd heard ...maybe..

 

His eyes landed on the lighter discarded on the floor.

 

One way out.

One way ticket to hell.

 

He grabbed the lighter..

 

Almost clinically, he walked to the bedroom, through the wreckage of the door, to where Hoseok lay, beautiful, peaceful. 

 

Like he was sleeping.

 

Yoongi heaved, his pants clashing with the sound of the front door protesting against the weight of Jungkook's body, as he dragged Hoseok's corpse to the pool of gasoline on the wood.

He drew Hoseok into his lap, hugging him to his chest, a small smile on his lips.

He buried his face in Hoseok's lap, kissing his hair as he sobbed quietly.

" Hoseok-ah? Hyung will be there soon. I'll be there soon, with you. Eomma, Seokie...I'm...I'm coming home."

 

He dropped the lighter to oily mess at his feet.

 

Pain exploded through him, scorching, burning heat, his entire person, burning through him, making him fall to the floor in agony, the honey gold of the fire lapping at him, smile cocooning him from Jungkook's panicked screams and the blaring of the fire alarm.

He writhed and screamed in pain, reds, blues and pinks bursting behind his eyelids, scorching him.

And then.

 

He saw Hoseok's face, smiling, beautiful, alive, through a burst of light and smoke.

 

His husband laughed, bright and lively, like he did before, and held his hand out to Yoongi.

 

" Come on, Yoongi. Come on. Take my hand. Come home to me."

 

Yoongi smiled, as he stretched his hands out to Hoseok, falling into his arms, warm, comforting, welcoming.

 

Home.

 

This was home.

 

He closed his eyes.




Chapter Text

A few seconds before he'd jammed the jagged edge of the shattered bottle deep into his brother-in-law's gut, he'd hesitated.

 

For a few seconds, the wailing of his nephew and the ragged breaths of that fucking bastard and the stench of alcohol soaked air of that horrible apartment and glass crunched below his boots, then the anger and the rage and everything faded away, leaving a glaring question he'd spend the rest of his life debating.

 

Was it worth it? 

 

Was it worth throwing his life, his dreams, his hopes, his freedom, his beautiful boyfriend, his entire future away in a moment of heated anger? Was digging the end of the glass shard deep into that asshole's heart worth risking being thrown into jail, into a place where he would no longer be able to protect his sister, worth it? He'd promised Jihyo. He'd promised to stay out of it. He'd promised to walk away, even though he knew he couldn’t, knew that he wouldn’t.

 

And yet here he was, fingers beginning to bleed from the intensity of his grip on the broken bottle piece, jaw clenched, blood in his eyes, as he made his way through the broken mess of what was once something he considered his home, ready to kill. It was now or never.

 

On one hand, his future. His life. His promise. 

 

On the other - Jihyo sobbing into her pillow every night, trying to shush the baby so he wouldn't wake the asshole up. Jihyo buying bottle after bottle of concealer. Jihyo trying to throw the blood stained cotton balls away secretly so he wouldn't find out. Jihyo begging him not to go to the police. The baby...his beautiful nephew, crying and shielding his face as his own father kicked and swore at his mother, then at him.

 

And then he knew. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise anymore. Not if it meant Jihyo suffering day after day, not if it meant her hiding away from her own brother anymore, not if it meant she wouldn’t be able to live anymore, not if it meant she would never be free again.

 

He had made up his mind. The blood trickling down his elbow and splattering onto the floor reminded him of his own blood, his Jihyo. He suddenly didn’t care about his life, or his future. Right now, right here, he wanted nothing more than to get done with this asshole and free Jihyo. Even if he lost everything after that, at least he could console himself with the fact that Jihyo and his precious nephew were safe, even if it meant never seeing them again.

 

A life for a life. His life for hers.

 

Taehyung saw red.

 

When he came to, his hands, and his face and his entire life was dripping blood, dripping death. 

 

He had taken two lives. That fucker’s and his own.

 

He didn't regret one bit of it. 

 

He'd made his choice.

 

He just silently prayed that Joon would be okay. 

 

That was easy. Anything. Anything compared to this.

 

"-hyung? Taehyung. Are you listening to me?"

 

Taehyung shook his head, snapping out of his reverie, gathering his thoughts as he tried to decipher what Seokjin was trying to say, over the voices screaming in his head. 

 

"N-No, could you repeat?" 

 

"I said, if you demand this of the Shop, I swear I will find the most difficult price in the world for you to pay, I swear. It would be just easier if you walked away and lived the few of your remaining days well. Because I promise you, once I get my Joonie back on his feet, I will show you nightmares you can't even imagine. I will be your nightmare.”

 

Taehyung, however, just shook his head resolutely. He hadn't waited outside the Shop for at least a good three days in the biting cold just to back away now. He had to see Namjoon. He had to talk to Namjoon. He had to set him free. He knew Seokjin wouldn’t let him anywhere near Namjoon, but he also knew Jin couldn’t refuse a request he made of the shop, as long as he paid the price. Namjoon had done the same for him, he had sold himself to Seokjin just to save him, and all this while he hadn’t known. Anyways, there wasn’t much of it left, his face was now grotesque and he had no future ahead of him anymore. But Namjoon did. He deserved to move on, to not have a killer for a fiancé, to be free, to be freed, just the way he had freed Jihyo.

 

He was going to pay the debt he owed to Namjoon, no matter what it took.

 

Whatever it takes.

 

He raised his head to meet Seokjin's stare, head on. He'd do this. And then stop. And it'd be all over. So it wouldn't matter what happened to him.

 

Seokjin sighed heavily and rose from the couch, swinging his long legs over each other to cross them and lean forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. 

 

"Fine then. Have it your way. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'll tell you what I want. There's this person who I need to get rid of. He's a parasite really. Worthless. Weak. Boring. Someone, a long time ago, asked for revenge...and I didn't get down to playing it all out..and I can't break the Shop's rules. So, yes. He's really not more than just a worm in the grand scheme of things. A worthless pawn...a player in a game I no longer have any use for, and no longer need to play. I'm tired of him. He doesn't serve me any purpose any more. But the rat knows too much, don’t they say dead men tell no tales? Granted, he's been drinking himself to death, trying to forget...he’ll be gone soon anyways…but..well...I don't take any chances, I like my ends cut up and neatly tied. So. I want him gone. Dead. Here, use this gun. Take it. Kill him. Then I will let Namjoon go and allow you to talk to him for a few minutes. Remember, you will go to jail for this. I will do nothing. Last time Joon protected you, but there is no one to save you anymore. You have to take a life to get a life. A life for a life. Makes sense, right?”

 

A life for a life. His life for Namjoon’s.

 

“Anyway. Here, take the damn gun. Kill him and then we'll talk. And do it soon.”

 

Taehyung reached out for the gun, the metal oddly cold in his hands. His finger trembled against the trigger. He sucked in a long dry breath and looked at Seokjin, malice and determination flashing in his eyes. The older man smiled nonchalantly…he thought he saw a glimpse of sympathy in his eyes, then realised as a chill went down his spine, that it wasn’t sympathy he had seen, but pity.

 

“So, do we have an agreement? By tonight, you'll kill Park Jimin, yes?"

Chapter Text

The boy sat huddled in the shade of the slide, knees bruised and bloody, eyes full of tears he refused to shed because he was a big boy and big boys don't cry. He whimpered softly, choking back the sob dancing at the tip of his tongue, willing his burning eyes to squeeze the tears back in and his mouth not to release the whines building in his throat.

He drew his knees in closer to his body, as though folding himself away would keep Sunwoo and the other boys and all the fighting and teasing away. He rocked himself, back and forth, back and forth, repeating in his mind ' boys don't cry, boys don't cry, boys don't cry.' His stomach wailed in protest, longing for the contents of his lunch spilled long ago on the tiles outside the third grade classroom.

It'd been particularly bad that day. Sunwoo had tripped him up outside class itself, his friends throwing painful hits and even more painful words at him that broke through even the tightest of holds on his ears.

 

The urge to cry built, burning at his throat. He hid his head between his knees and took a deep breath,  unwilling to even lift his head.

 

And then...out of nowhere...a moment they'd treasure for what they thought would be the rest of their lives ..a small soft palm landed on his knee, pushing lightly, as though trying to catch his attention.

 

He looked up and was met with soft baby brown eyes, puffy, velvety cheeks, one front tooth chipped crooked, tiny baby hands and a beautiful sunshine smile. He raised his teary eyes to the boy's outstretched hand, fighting back the urge to outright wail when he saw the other boy offering him his own lunch, hope sparkling in his eyes.

 

" Hi...I'm Park Jimin. I'm 1995 . My favourite animal is a kitten. What's yours?"

 

He was taken aback by this boy's confidence? Was he sure he wanted to talk to him? Sunwoo hadn't been very kind to the last girl who did that.

However, this Jimin character had asked him a question.

 

" I-I'm Taehyung. I just shifted from Daegu this summer. I'm also 1995. My favourite animal is a puppy, but I like kittens too."

 

This Jimin boy's face lit up that at.

" You're 1995 too? Oooh we can be bros. 1995 bros. Do you want to?" He chirped, sticking out a hand, wiggling his tiny fingers in invitation.

 

Taehyung hesitated. Why...why would this pretty boy want to be friends with him? He wasn't cool or pretty or top of the class...so …?

But looking at the boy's eager, open face and his hopeful eyes and...and that smile, he found his hand automatically extending forward, grabbing the soft palm into a firm handshake.

 

Taehyung's consent to this whole affair seemed to infuse Jimin with renewed energy. He unpacked his lunch, chattering at Taehyung as he fed him his food, unfazed and understanding of Taehyung's decision to speak sparingly.

 

When the bell finally rang for the end of recess, Jimin stood up and dusted himself off, holding a hand out for Taehyung to pick himself.

When Taehyung grabbed his hand and hoisted himself upright, he found himself staring into Jimin's eyes, pools of soft comfort and smiles...and...he cried.

 

Buried his head into Jimin's shoulder and wept hard enough to soak his shirt. All the pent up anger and sadness and fear and everything seemed to gush out of his system, leaving him heaving and sniffling against Jimin's shoulder.

 

When he finally raised his tear stained face to Jimin's, the boy didn't have any of the disdain or irritation Taehyung thought he would.

 

Instead, he looked him straight in the eye and made a promise.

" I'll protect you Taehyungie. Don't be scared."

Chapter Text

The gun dug into where he'd shoved it in the waistband of his jeans, covered by his coat, as he jogged up the stairs to Jimin's house.

The cold, unfeeling metal seemed to burn into his skin, leaving a metallic tang in his mouth and bile in his throat.

 

Jimin.

 

His beautiful Jimin.

 

He choked back a sob as he rounded the landing to the fourth floor of the apartment building, halting in front of Jimin's door, hands trembling and fidgety as he fished out his key and inserted it into the lock, praying it wouldn't jostle too much.

Newspapers and discarded mail lay scattered across the shaggy welcome mat and spiderwebs crisscrossed along the door. The key made a gentle creaking sound before turning, inch by inch, complaining of disuse.

 

 It would be the first time he'd have seen Jimin in months. Jimin...he didn't know much, except that Taehyung had been in an accident and that he needed space and time to recover.

He'd written texts and letters, almost everyday, until they trickled off, dispirited by the way Taehyung never replied.

And now.

Taehyung had come to kill him. 

He squeezed his eyes shut in an apology, praying this would be over soon. The heady sulphur of guilt and loathing dancing across his tongue, drenching his forehead in an uncomfortable, sticky sheen of sweat. He swallowed nervously, throat contracting against the lump lodged deep in it.

 

The strong stench of alcohol in the air, the litter of bottles by the doorway and the state of the apartment suggested that Jimin would probably be too out of it to resist, drunk and dead to the world.

Hopefully he'd be asleep, or passed out, so Taehyung wouldn't have to look him in the eye as he shot him in the head.

 

The entire place stank of neglect and misery. Empty bottles and cans littered every open surface, takeout boxes overflowing from the table and the couch. Jimin's University books were piled in one corner, serving as a makeshift stand for a bunch of pills and bottles Taehyung couldn't even read the print on. The house screamed and begged for a dusting, the dirt making Taehyung's eyes water. A leaky faucet dripped sound into the lurking shadows and Taehyung automatically scrunched his nose against the offensive smell of rotting food.

 

What...what had happened? Barely a few months ago, Taehyung had been sprawled on this couch, head in Jimin's lap as they binged on ice cream and giggled about boys and dreams and reality.

Now he couldn't even see the pale brown leather under all the trash.

 

He shook his head and turned around, intending to make for the bedroom where he'd hopefully find Jimin, but jolted back and stumbled when he  saw Jimin and Jungkook, sitting at the dining table, shock and surprise etched into their faces as they watched Taehyung creep into the house.

 

"Taetae?"

 

Taehyung watched, heart twisting to knots as a beautiful smile bloomed over Jimin's features, happy and excited, just like before, as he bounded up from the chair, his worn and tired eyes and sallow cheeks bunching together in an eye smile.

Jimin looked...worse for wear. His skin was sallow and a sickly, unhealthy pale. His cheeks were sunken and purple bags hung under his eyes. He'd lost weight, his bony wrists and fragile collarbones looked like they'd snap under the slightest pressure.

 

Jimin was suffering and Taehyung hadn't been around to help him. And now he was going to kill him. He felt sick, vomit building up at the base of his throat, threatening to spill over the seam of his lips. Dark, charcoal boulders of regret weighed down on his shoulders, making him sluggish and exhausted.

 

Unmindful of Taehyung's inner turmoil, Jimin leapt forward, hugging him close and burying his face into his shoulder. Taehyung distantly noted how his shoulder dampened slightly, but didn't mention it.

But he couldn't bring himself to hug Jimin back, couldn't bring himself to fool Jimin into thinking of security and safety and love everytime he walked into Taehyung's arms.

 

A few moments later, the two broke apart and Taehyung studied Jimin's face closely, noting how defeated his best friend looked. Jimin looked like a shell of himself, as though the old Jimin had been sucked right out of him and lay discarded somewhere in the mess that was his home. Undiscovered. Unwanted.

 

Belatedly, he noticed Jungkook sitting at the table, drinking his tea, staring almost longingly at the two of them. He lifted his head and gave him a wan smile in greeting. Jungkook smiled back wearily, raising his hand, a strange emotion flickering across his features. Taehyung's heart softened in sympathy and affection. 

Jungkook was their baby, the baby of the group, always laughing and trying to get his hyungs to laugh with him. Fondness bubbled up in his heart, but the tang of sad wistfulness left a bitter taste. A few months ago, Jungkook would have catapulted himself into his lap, whining for pets and cuddles.

It seemed like Jungkook too had aged multiple years in a few months, maturity and muscle having replaced the innocence of baby fat on his cheeks.

His fingers gripped the mug tightly, as though it were his lone tether to sanity.

Taehyung couldn't judge him.

They'd all been to hell and back.

 

Jimin turned around, when he saw Taehyung's eyes leave him, smiling sadly as he saw him greet Jungkook. Poor Kookie. He'd been through so much..

 

"Oh Taetae. Jungkookie just stopped by to tell us...tell me...Hobi hyung. H-He's dead. T-There was this fire and the whole apartment was burnt down and H-Hobi hyung, he was...they found his body...he couldn't have even run.."

Jimin burst into tears, hiding his face in Taehyung's neck, sobbing into the warm comfort of his smell.

 

Taehyung looked up in surprise and shock, disbelief evident in his gaze as he looked to Jungkook for confirmation. However, the raw crestfallen, anguish on Jungkook's face told him everything he needed to know.

 

"Hobi hyung...he's...dead? A-Are you sure...he's..I thought he was with Yoongi hyung. Oh..hyung. Yoongi hyung. Where's he? How's he doing? Is he okay?"

 

Jungkook only shop his head sadly.

 

"Hobi hyung is gone. I couldn't believe it myself...but… I came to Jiminie to ask if he'd come for this small memorial I'm holding for hyung. Not...not many people want to come since they...since Hobi hyung…So I thought I'd come ask each person personally."

 

"That's...that's really nice of you Kookie. Considering what he did to you... I'm proud of you for taking this so gracefully... Where's Yoongi hyung though? He loved Hoseokie so fucking much...I can't...how is he?"

 

"He's not...they didn't find a body. So we think he's alive but he's left town, hiding out somewhere. I tried calling him but he isn't responding. I figured I'd give him space to deal with the grief..But he's alright. He's alive and he's okay. He'll be back soon." 

 

The sobs at this neck calmed a little, ebbing in intensity, before a soft, tearful voice whispered against his ear.

 

"T-They're saying he did it. Yoongi hyung. They're saying that the neighbours heard screams and crashes and the apartment was wrecked even before the fire got to it. The post mortem says Hoseokie had been dead long before the fire happened. T-,They're saying he got so tired of loving him that he...that he killed him and set the place on fire. And then ran away...But Taehyungie, you know hyung wouldn't do that, right? You know how much he loved him right?"

 

Taehyung nodded consolingly and patted Jimin's back, letting the smaller body snake his arms around him and burrow deep into the safety of his embrace. They stood like that, rocking gently, Taehyung's nose in Jimin's hair and Jimin's hands stroking his back.

 

When they eventually broke apart, Taehyung offered Jimin a watery smile. He couldn't possibly kill him now...not with Jungkook around ..not after he'd been reminded of who they were and what they had. 

He bit down a grunt of frustration and clenched his fists. He needed to ...he couldn't get weak. He couldn't ….

 

He needed to get out of there.

 

Putting on his sweetest smile, he nodded at Jungkook and then turned to Jimin.

"Ah, Jimin-ah. I came to surprise you but now I have to go. Besides, you have a guest and I..I don't want to intrude. How bout we catch up some other time, hmm? Bye, Jungkookie. Don't worry, just text me the details for the memorial. I'll be there. I'll go then. Bye."

 

He grinned, fake and plastic as he turned toward the doorway to leave and come back later with a clearer head and a better plan.

 

“Forgetting something?"

 

Taehyung swiveled around at Jimin's voice, heart stuttering and growing cold when he saw what dangled from Jimin's fingers.

 

A gun. Black. Heavy. Cold.

Just like Jimin's eyes.

 

He frantically felt around his waist for the smooth metal, only to come up empty handed. He fumbled around his belt for a moment , trying to out off when he'd have to look back and face his best friend. 

 

Jimin however, walked forward slowly, jaw visibly clenched, as he neared Taehyung.

 

"Tell me why."

 

"Jimin, I-"

 

" No Taehyung. No fucking excuses. Tell me why you sneaked into my apartment unnanounced, with a fucking gun in your pants.And don't even try to lie to me or I swear I'll put a damn bullet in your skull."

 

Taehyung gulped, fear and unease clogging his airways, making his vision swim and his ears burn.

 

"I-I..Namjoon is in trouble. Because of me. This is my fault. All of it. It's my fucking fault and now Namjoonie is stuck with a crazy bastard who beats and bleeds him. Joonie is stuck there...for my sake. He took every single thing, suffered quietly for years to keep me safe. And I need to pay him back. I can't...I don't want any unpaid debts, Jiminie..please..I..You should see the way Seokjin breaks him. Shocks him, cuts him, burns him, freezes him, tortures him, hurts him, makes him cry and it's my fault he's there. He can't...I can't let him. It's worse than with Minwoo, Jiminie. He...I'm so sorry. I had to, I'm sorry."

 

"Does Seokjin love him?"

 

Taehyung blinked in confusion, but nodded, softly, sadly.

 

Jimin scoffed in understanding. "No wonder he hurts him so bad. Continue."

 

"So Seokjin...he told me that if I wanted to set Namjoon free..I'd have to... I'd have to kill you by tonight. I'm...I'm...I'm ..so sorry . I'm so sorry I picked him, Jiminie. I'm sorry I loved him..I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is all my fault." Taehyung sobbed, grabbing onto Jimin's hands as though begging for forgiveness.

Jimin shook his hands free and grabbed Taehyung's chin, lifting his face so his watery eyes met Jimin's.

"Tell me there is no other way, Taehyung. Tell me there's nothing else you could have done. Tell me this is what you need."

 

"There isn't any other way. I need you. There isn't...this is the only way." 

 

Jimin nodded and let go of Taehyung's hands. His eyes lit up with a sadness so profound and despair so terrible, that Taehyung could almost taste its bitterness on his tongue. But..there was...this odd look of vindication too...like Jimin knew he'd lost something, but he'd won something too.

 

He sighed and a small, gentle sigh played on his lips as he shoved the gun into Taehyung's hands. Cupping the boy's bigger hands in his small palms, he guided the gun till the muzzle rested between his eyebrows, pressed against his head. 

He then trailed his fingers down the weapon and pushed at Taehyung's fingers till they were hooked around the trigger.

 

Taehyung looked up, alarm in his eyes as he searched through Jimin's own, finding nothing but defeat and satisfaction.

 

"Jiminie you-"

 

" No Tae. Let me have this. Let me do this. Let me...it's not like I was living anyway. Look around, Tae. Does this look like a man worth saving?I've been slowly dying, trying to kill myself so I don't have to feel. It's like a dead, dead man has been stuffed into my body, and is being forced to live on. And I hate it. I've tried to do it myself...but I'm a fucking coward and I couldn't. But now...now if it can count. Now if it can mean something. If it can help someone, I want to. I want you to do it. Pull the trigger Taehyung. Do it for me. Let me have this. Let at least someone remember me well. Please. "

 

"Jiminie..please...I.."

 

"Do it. Do it Taehyungie. Come on. Don't be scared." Jimin smiled encouragingly, tears dripping down his face."

 

"Jiminie...I can't..you can't..please Jiminie. I love you so much. I love you so much, soulmate."

 

Jimin grinned at that, one last scrunchy smile, bright and beautiful as he closed his eyes one last time.

"I said I'd protect you, Tae. I made you a promise. I'm going to keep it with my life. I love you Soulmate. Let's meet again."

 

Taehyung swallowed down the thundering of his heart and the roaring in his ears, and gripped at the trigger, forcing his fingers to just do it.

 

And then.

 

Jimin suddenly jerked forward, eyes opening in panic as he fell to the ground, clutching at his throat and retching. White froth bubbled from his mouth, slowly turning pink as he writhed and flopped helplessly, arms flailing.

Taehyung dropped the gun and fell to the ground, eyes wide with panic as he shook at Jimin, begging, pleading for him to wake up, pleading for something, anything, anything...just one heartbeat.

 

He looked up, panicked, remembering Jungkook's presence for the very first time. He gestured at Jimin's still form, eyes narrowing at how calmly Jungkook sat in his chair, sipping his tea.

 

"Jungkook? Yah! JUNGKOOK! Don't fucking sit there...call an ambulance..we have to.."

 

To Taehyung's confusion, Jungkook only laughed brightly and reached through his pockets, bringing a small vial out and placing it on the table.

He then brought the black bottle up to his eyes and pretended to read the label.

 

"Hmm, poison. Delayed action but apparently, some fucking fantastic action. It's deadly. So you know..he's probably dead. That's how these things work."

 

Jungkook smirked at Taehyung's expression of blatant confusion and brought the cup of tea up to his lips, eyes flickering to where Jimin's own cup sat abandoned.

 

"Why do you look so surprised? Didn't Seokjin tell you? A life for a life. I said I'd bring Yoongi back at any cost, didn't I?"



Chapter Text

" What's your plan, exactly Jungkook-ah? For Yoongi, I mean."

 

Jungkook looked up from where he was sprawled on the couch, paring apples with a knife. He sat up attentively the moment he heard Yoongi's name, abandoning the knife and fruit on the coffee table and leaning forward, elbows braced on his knees as a strange, crazed light danced in his eyes.

 

" Oh I'm so excited to get my hyung back. See, because I dragged the body out and brought it here for you to revive, the entire police department and the media believe that Yoongi hyung set the apartment on fire and left. His hospital records support it, his disappearance compounds it and the fact that it seemed like he had a breakdown in the apartment seals it."

 

Seokjin looked at him in mild confusion.

 

" See, Seokjinnie hyung. Hyung is no longer a regular citizen now. He's a wanted runaway criminal. So once I bring him back, it's not like he can walk away from me. He'll have no choice but to stay hidden with me, away from the police, away from everything. He can't run. He won't be able to. Not like before. I'll keep him shit down in my apartment, keep him so close that he won't even dare leaving me again. I'll brand him and break him till he remembers who he belongs to. Me. He's mine. Anyway, how long will you take to bring him back? I can wait."

 

" Y-You can? What about Jimin? What did you do to his body?"

 

" Jimin isn't the kind of person someone comes looking for, or misses. Unless Taehyung does something, he'll be lying there a while before someone finds him and even then, it'll be ruled suicide. I used a good poison. It's very similar to the make of his anti-anxiety, so they'll think he overdosed. Simple. Problem solved. Anyway, about Yoongi?"

 

" Look, Jungkook. The thing is…"

 

Jungkook narrowed his eyes, fists beginning to clench at his sides.

" What thing? What is it?"

 

Seokjin sighed heavily, tired and stressed as he massaged his temples as though trying to chase away a headache.

" Jungkook. I want to...I'm going to tell you a story, so listen carefully. Once upon a time , a man loved his wife very much. They were happy. They had everything they ever wanted...a nice house, steady jobs, a comfortable life, enough love to fill their lives up completely.

But the man, he...he wanted children. So terribly that it broke his wife's heart every time she had to refuse him, reminding him of that one horrible medical exam that had told the couple that the woman wouldn't survive childbirth. 

But love is an odd thing, isn't it? It makes us do odd, foolish things. So, she decided to give in one night, for love. 

The next nine months were the best period of our lives. He cared for her like a princess, making sure she was healthy, happy enough to make it.

They were going to have a child. It's all we ever wanted.

And then.

That fateful night. 

The baby was beautiful, heartbeat strong and healthy and perfect.

Her heart stopped beating.

 

The man tore himself apart in grief and guilt and anger and pain, thinking it was his fault. He'd been greedy and now...he couldn't look at his daughter without wanting to shoot himself in the head.

He began to hate himself, hate his life, hate his son, everything.

Until.

One evening on his way back from work, he saw a Shop. A beautiful, quaint thing. Thinking it was an apothecary, he walked in for something strong for his headaches.

Instead he was met with a beautiful face that haunts me to the day.

Lee Taemin.

Beautiful. Dangerous. Seductive.

He took me in and told me everything would be alright.

For a man drowning, he was like a fancy cruise liner passing by, drawing him in like fly stuck in spun sugar.

He offered to bring back my wife.

A life for a life, he said.

Don't worry about the price. It'll pay itself.

Go home, she'll be waiting for you.

And she was.

And it was like, I'd been given a new life. It was like I could breathe again. It was like things could be okay again, no longer a swirling mess of darkness and despair.

We shifted into a better house and Mirae began preschool. 

And then, it happened.

She began to act oddly, my wife. Kept to herself, didn't eat, slept lesser as lesser till the bags under her eyes were darker than her eyes themselves. She began to have nightmares and hallucinations, screaming and writhing in the middle of the night, long scratches decorating her skin. She began to eat raw meat and her nails began to grow out. She...she used to go crazy, hysterical when she saw Mirae, clawing and scratching at our daughter. She'd up in the middle of the night, rocking feverishly back and forth and cursing someone to hell and back.

And then the last straw.

I-I came back early from work o e day, I wanted surprise them ..and...I saw her...she...She had a knife to Mirae's throat and she was murmuring softly under her breath, and there was blood dripping down the blade.

Life for a life, that's what she was saying. A life for a life.

I lost it. I threw her aside and helped Mirae escape, holding back the love of my life who seemed to have gone feral, clawing and scratching and screaming. She tried to chase after Mirae with a kitchen knife and I barely stopped her before...before she…

And I did it. I did what had to be done. Sank the knife deep into my wife's chest and prayed Mirae would be alright before going to try and rip Lee Taemin's throat out.

Today I don't...I don't know where Mirae is or what happened or anything. But I do know one thing, Jungkookie. Dead is better, baby. Please. Dead is better."

 

Seokjin finished, panting slightly, eyes unfocused as he tried to gauge Jungkook's reaction. 

Silence stretched across the room, dripping an eerie sense of foreboding and discomfort.

Seokjin stretched a palm out toward Jungkook, to pat his shoulder, when Jungkook suddenly sprang to life and away from Seokjin.

 

" So you can't do it?"

 

" Jungkookie , understand me... "

 

" Give me a fucking answer. Can you do it? Can you bring Yoongi back or did you just fucking use me to kill Park Jimin?"

 

" No. No I won't do it. I can't do it. Ask me for anything else. Anything else,Jungkook and I will give it to you. I can find you someone to love, someone way better than Yoongi just-"

 

Jungkook stepped closer, eyes wild with fury, uncaring for Seokjin's pleas to just stop, to understand, to listen.

Wildfires danced in his eyes to the tune of his madness, burning everything in its path. 

He drew back his arm and then, with all the power he could manage, he stabbed the fruit knife deep into Seokjin's chest, twisting the blade till he felt blood seep out of his chest and drop down his arms.

 

" I don't want anything. I want Yoongi. And you lied. You used me you pathetic bitch and you lied to me. You deserve this." He seethed, jerkily letting go of the knife handle to step back and look at his artwork.

 

He expected anger and fear and fury and panic and pain in Seokjin's eyes as he gurgled for his life breath. Instead, he was met with a sad sort of disappointment as Seokjin reached into his chest and cleanly pulled the knife out and threw it to the floor, still stained with blood. The wound in his chest began to close before Jungkook's eyes, the flesh shifting and healing until the only reminder of the attack was the blood on Seokjin's shirt and Jungkook's hand.

 

" Why wouldn't you just ask me for something else Jungkookie? Why would you do this to me? Why baby?"

 

Jungkook staggered back, anger boiling in his veins as he fought down the urge to simply dig his nails into Seokjin and rip him to pieces. He tasted blood on his tongue from where he'd bitten into.

A haze of fury settled over his vision as bloodlust and murder took over him.

But not like this.

Not today.

He spun on his heel and stormed out of the Shop, fists clenched hard as he promised...he swore...he'd destroy Kim Seokjin.

He'd rip him apart with his own two hands and drink his blood.

But not today.

 

Chapter Text

Seokjin stood over him, panting harshly, hands sticky from all the blood. Broken glass littered the floor below his shoes, splattered with red and the mellow glitter of the bottle Taemin had been examining when Seokjin had marched into the Shop and stabbed him in the stomach.

 

Now, several stabs later, knife dripping warm blood, Seokjin stood and wept over what should have been the corpse of Lee Taemin.

 

" Why won't you die!? WHY WON'T YOU JUST FUCKING DIE?!!" he screamed, eyes clouding with rage as he took in Taemin's unbothered smirk. 

The man lay sprawled across the splintered glass as though it were a bed. His clothes were soaked through with blood, and his face was spattered with it, dripping down his forehead and onto his lips. Taemin stuck his tongue out and lapped up a drop of his own blood as he stood up, the wounds in his stomach closing before Seokjin's eyes. 

 

Seokjin let out another scream of rage and rushed at Taemin as though this time he'd have better luck than all the times before. He charged at Taemin, knife glinting dangerously. This time, however, Taemin moved at the speed of light, grabbing Seokjin's neck and slamming him against the wall, relishing in the soft crack and moan that sprung from Seokjin on impact. Taking hold of Seokjin's lolling head by his jaw, he pushed it up to meet his gaze, uncaring of the pained hiss that spilled from Seokjin's lips.

" Oh baby, now why did you have to do that?"

 

Seokjin sneered at him, eyes narrowing in hatred.

" You took everything from me. You fucking….you made me murder the love of my fucking life...you...what the fuck did you do to her?Why? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

 

Taemin chuckled lightly, smoothing Seokjin's hair away from his face tenderly, smearing blood all over his face. He smirked when he felt Seokjin try to squirm away from him. 

" Hmm. You'd done anything for love, wouldn't you? You'd kill for love, yourself or someone else, wouldn't you? Tell me, how did it feel when you drove the knife into Jia's heart? With the same hands she trusted her heart to? How did it feel to tear into the very heart you vowed to cherish and protect till death did you apart? Did you like it?"

 

Seokjin's face twisted into one of black anger and disgust. He spat, blood speckled, at Taemin, hitting him square in the face and roared, " Fuck you, you filthy fucking bastard, I hope you rot in goddamn hell." 

 

" Mm sweetie. See, the thing is, you and I. We aren't all that different. I see myself in you."

Taemin cooed, swirling patterns onto Seokjin's cheek with blood.

 

"N-No. I'm nothing like you. Nothing at all. You disgust me. I wouldn't hurt someone...I wouldn't...I wouldn't...I'm not a monster like you."

 

" Now baby, that's just hurtful. See, I don't like you either but, like I said, we're very similar, by nature and circumstance. See, sweetie. You shouldn't have stopped Jia. You should have allowed her to kill your daughter. It was the price for bringing her back. You said you'd pay it and now you've forfeited. And you know the rules, don't you?"

 

Horror and understanding dawned on Seokjin, clouding his eyes with desperation and fear.

" No. No. No you can't. You can't, please, don't ….I killed her, I did it ...don't...don't take my soul please. I have a daughter... who's going to care for her if I'm gone, please." 

 

Taemin only shook his head sadly.

" It's the rules of the Shop. I can't change them, I can't go against them no matter what I want. Once you've walked into the Shop, if you walk out without paying...you've broken a rule."

 

" Please, no, I can't...think of Mirae. Please. She has suffered so much...she has no one, please..don't.."

 

" It doesn't matter what you say now." Taemin said, releasing his grip on Seokjin and walking toward the worktable, drawing a bundle of shimmering yarn from a drawer. " It's done. You will do whatever I say, whatever the Shop asks of you."

 

" No, no I won't..I won't submit. I won't let you take me...I won't follow you."

 

Taemin didn't reply and instead fiddled with the yarn, hands flying expertly into weaving a cat's cradle pattern between his fingers. He gestured towards the bloodied knife lying on the ground, with his bound hands.

 

" This yarn in my fingers represents Mirae's life. Or what it was supposed to be when you killed your wife. Pick up the knife and cut it. You won't have anyone to care for anymore. You can't resist no matter how much you want to. The Shop will force your hand if you do not cooperate."

 

Seokjin loomed down at  his hands in horror as they began to inch forward with a will of their own to pick up the knife, its surface sticky and smooth.

His feet started forward on their own, dragging him towards where Taemin held his daughter's life in his hands.

" N-No. No please. Please don't make me do this. PLEASE! I'm begging you. Please stop. Leave her alone. Leave her alive. Please. Take me, it's alright just...don't hurt her, please."

 

Tears began to pour from his eyes as he struggled to hold himself back, struggled to control whatever was shoving him forward. 

 

" Please. I will do anything. I'll be your slave or whatever you want. Please. For her sake. I love her...she hasn't done anything...please please please don't make me do this. Please don't ...please I'm pleading with you. Kill me, take my life. Leave her alone…"

 

Taemin only rolled his eyes in exasperation at the blubbering, weeping mess of the man who'd stopped merely inches away from his woven hands, trying to pull away from him by sheer will power. 

" She was never meant to live. You brought her into this world. You must let her go. DO IT!"

 

And Seokjin's hands flew forth, the bloodied, wicked tip of the knife slicing cleanly through the yarn so it fluttered to the ground by their feet, shimmery gold turning to dead, lifeless black.

Released from the influence of the Shop, Seokjin fell to the ground with a wail, hands desperately grabbing at the slowly disintegrating yarn, eyes red with blood and tears as he screamed and cried and begged for forgiveness.

Through the haze of anger and pain, he looked up and for a moment saw what looked like pity and sadness in Taemin's eyes...as though he didn't want it either...as though he too was just a pawn.


His eyes landed on the discarded knife lying by his side, the very blade that had killed his wife and his child.

In an almost trance-like state, he lifted the blade and with a whispered apology, drove the blade straight into his heart, screaming as pain bloomed through his body,  staining it red and black.

He fell forward, his vision swimming with a black haze, tears drenching his face. 

The last thing he saw before everything faded to black, was Taemin, on his knees, eyes filled with relief and exhaustion and gratitude as he pulled the blade from Seokjin's heart.

 



When he woke, the Shop was back to the way it had been when he'd first seen it, beautiful, clean, pink and lavender. He glanced around in panic, finding himself alone, no sign of Taemin anywhere.

He looked down, horror slowly filling his sense as he saw his shirt, stained red over his chest where he'd bled. But.

 

The skin over his heart was smooth and scarless. Almost as though he'd never twisted a knife into its depths.

 

No. No. No. No. No.

 

" NO!!!" He screamed in anger and frustration.

" LET ME OUT! LET ME GO. YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE."

 

Chuckles rang out across the empty Shop, amused like one would be at a foolish child.

The voice came from around him, as though the Shop itself was speaking.

The next few words rang out in a familiar pitch and tone, one that Seokjin took a moment to place.

His own voice cooed back at him from the depths of the Magic Shop.

" You're mine now."