Work Header

Marvel Team-Up

Work Text:

The Hulk let out another wail, and Jan patted his shoulder soothingly. Beside her, Cap clasped his hand more firmly over the Hulk's nose. Golden dust was collecting on his red glove until his hands looked more like Iron Man's.

"There, there, Hulk. He's almost done." Jan peeked over his green bulk. "Aren't you?

"This is the vilest experience of my life," Iron Man's voice came from Hulk's other end. Then he sneezed.

"Careful," Hank adjusted his grip on the Hulk's arm. "It could happen to you."

"I'm pretty sure that a normal person's constitution does not cause them to sneeze with such force they have a rectal prolapse," Iron Man said. There was another wet noise.

"I think Banner has hay fever," Jan said. "So maybe the Hulk does too?"

"He'll just sneeze it out again." Hank predicted, and Jan hit his arm gently.

"I'm pretty sure he'll jump out of... " she glanced around at the soft, drifting gold flecks that settled on her costume like gilt. "What is this, anyway? He'll jump away, anyway, when we're done."

"Why do I have to do this?" Iron Man said in tones of despair. "I wish I hadn't come."

"Verily, there is no doctor present," said Thor uneasily, from his post at the Hulk's other arm. "Thine armour fits thee best for this task, Iron Man."

"It's not as if we can take him to a hospital," Cap shrugged. "And we can't just leave him all..." he paused, searching for words, and apparently didn't find any, as he shut his mouth and shrugged again.

Another wet sound, another pathetic and painfully loud noise from Hulk. Jan ran her fingers through his hair, soft and thick despite its pondweed colour, and crooned nonsense words to him as he gazed at her like a sad puppy.

"It's all right, Hulk," Cap patted his cheek with his free hand. "You just hold still." He took his hand back, and after staring at it for a second, wrapped it round Jan's waist. She leaned against him, and let out a sneeze that was not exactly ladylike.

"What is this stuff?" she said again.

"Some kind of pollen," Hank glanced back at her. "It's non-toxic, I analysed it with the Quinjet sensors. It's coming from the flowers."

The flowers were bright violet, gaudy against the green grass. Add in the blazing blue sky and the floating golden mist, and the whole effect was ridiculously over-the-top.

The Hulk made a growling noise, and rested his head against Jan's chest; she would have fallen over under the weight if not for Cap's supporting arm. She wrapped her arms around Hulk's head and hugged, rested her cheek on his hair.

"There, there," she said.

"Not long now," Hank added, and rubbed his big hand over Hulk's back.

"Verily," muttered Thor.

There was a long pause. The Hulk groaned, softly, vibrating against Jan's ribs. She settled more tightly into Cap's embrace; he had both arms around her now - of course, the Hulk's nose was buried in her bosom, he couldn't exactly get to it, and it wasn't like there was much pollen there.

"Tony," Hank was tracing idle circles on the Hulk's broad back. "Why'd you take your glove off?"

"Can feel what I'm doing better," Iron Man said in tones that even through the electronic filter, sounded dreamy. "He's really tight now everything's back in place."

Jan frowned. Then she twisted her head up to look at Cap, and found herself nose to nose with him.

"What are you doing?" she said.

"I was just smelling your hair," he put up a hand, and tugged her pointed helmet off. "It smells so nice." He buried his face in it, and she purred and leaned into him.

"The weather on Midgard is unseasonably warm," Thor announced. "May I release our erstwhile comrade now?"

"Sure," said Iron Man. "Why not?"

Jan turned her head in time to see Thor strip his leather armour over his head, revealing a spectacular chest fuzzed with blond hair. The armour hit the floor, and his hands went to his belt. Jan craned her neck hopefully; the Hulk's mighty shoulder blocked her view.

"This pollen stuff," Cap said in her ear, and when she glanced at him, his gaze was fixed on Thor. "Is it..."

"Is it what?" she looked back at Thor. There was a trail of fine golden hair leading down from his navel.


Jan yelped as the Hulk pulled free of her grip; she wobbled, but Cap held her steady, and she couldn't tear her eyes from Thor's revealed person. Definitely divine.

There was some kind of fuss happening; she dragged her eyes around, and saw Hulk dangling Iron Man by his arm, poking at him.

"Oh, Hulk," she sighed, and pulled free of Cap's grip and lurched forward a few wobbly paces. Her face ended up kind of smooshed against his back, and she put her arms around his waist for balance. "What are you doing?"

"Hulk want..." there was a pause, as Hulk tried to assemble a sentence. "Iron Man."

"You have Iron Man," Hank said. He wrapped a giant hand around Iron Man's other arm, and tugged.

"Oh, that's not good," Iron Man said in unconcerned tones. "I'm not a... a thing to break." There was a horrible crunching sound.

"Hey," Cap's voice came with sudden authority. "Don't - don't." He appeared suddenly in the corner of Jan's vision, and wrapped his arms around the Hulk's bicep. Thor followed, and wrapped his arms around Cap's waist, putting his head down on Cap's shoulder.

"Hulk want," the Hulk said stubbornly, and shook him.

"Don't break him," Cap ordered. "Put him, uh, put him..."

"Down?" Thor offered.

"That one." Cap tugged at the Hulk's arm, and sent Thor stumbling back. He sat down, hard.

"Let me," Hank pried at the Hulk's fingers. "I know how it comes off," and Hulk let go. Hank held Iron Man in his hand, and picked at the armour with the other. He looked like a giant toymaker; Jan started to giggle.

"What causes thy mirth, fair Wasp?" Thor's head came to rest on her hip, and she put a hand down into his hair.

"Iron Man. He's, uh... a doll."

"A doll?"

"He's Tony Stark," Hank announced, and put Tony Stark down on the ground, naked but for an iron chestplate.

"Not a doll?" Thor grabbed Hulk's hip, and used it to pull himself to his feet.

"Hi, Tony!" Cap said delightedly. "What are you doing here?"

"Cap, I love you, but sometimes you're really dumb." Tony tried to get to his feet, and was pre-empted by the Hulk's hand around his ankle. "Oh. Oh dear."

Jan peered around Hulk, and raised her eyebrows. The Hulk was very well endowed.

"I don't think - "

"Hulk want." A firm tug, and then the Hulk dropped to his knees between Tony's thighs, knocking Jan over into Thor's lap. He was, she discovered, also very well endowed, and made some very nice noises during the course of her discovery.

"Dear Wasp," he lifted her to a sitting position, so said fine endowment pressed against her rear. "Do you not find your garb, though becoming, overly warm?"

"It is a bit," she worked at the belt, and Thor's hands covered hers, probably in an attempt to be helpful. "Careful. There we are." With the belt gone, there was only the dress and the tights to peel off, and then she settled comfortably into Thor's lap. "You know, I think we might be more comfortable if - " she reached beneath her, and after some brief adjustment, Thor let out a slow, shaky breath.

"I am - your wisdom - ah, yes." He gripped her waist, and she rested her hands on his thighs, and they moved together slowly. He was almost too big for comfort, each stroke sending a little shudder through her body.

When she looked up, and blinked away the fine golden mist that hazed her vision, she saw the Hulk sprawled out on his back, one hand clamped around Tony's head, which was, in combination with Tony's hands, giving intense attention to the Hulk's very large penis. When she blinked some more, the rest of Tony's body came into focus, and behind it Hank, naked and on his knees, shrunk back to normal size. Which was just as well, as otherwise the way he was thrusting into Tony's rear would have been very uncomfortable for Tony.

Cap was sprawled out in the grass beside them, head propped on his hand, hand massaging the front of his pants as he watched.

"Why is Cap still wearing clothes?" Jan tried to sound disapproving, but it was hard to disapprove of anything with Thor spreading her open, the steady slide and thrust of him sending slow waves of heat through her nerves. "It's not fair."

"It is... it is a grave injustice, dear Wasp," Thor slid a hand up to cup her breast, and she moaned as his thumb circled her nipple. "Never fear. The mighty Thor shall right this wrong."

"But not yet," she tightened around him, as if she could keep him by force, and he groaned against her neck.

"Soon, dear heart, if you keep doing that," and his other hand slid down between her thighs, petting over the neatly trimmed triangle of hair and stroking her where she stretched around him. She rolled her head back against his shoulder, and panted. He touched her with great care, as if she might shatter, and she thought that might be true, she felt as fragile as a crystal goblet, singing under his caressing hands.

She could only see gold when she broke apart, drifting flecks in the sky and the veil of Thor's hair falling over her face as he folded himself around her, panted and pressed her against his body. She wasn't sure if she made noise, but Thor's loud groan echoed in her ears as if she were underwater.

After a little while, she lifted her head from the grass and propped herself up on her elbows, and looked at Cap. He had his pants open now, at least, and was stroking himself.

"Cap's still dressed," she said, and kicked Thor's shin. He patted her shoulder vaguely, without opening his eyes. "I thought the Mighty Thor was going to fix that?"

"He is," Thor rolled over onto his belly, and put his head on her shoulder. They admired the view together for a moment; Hank had apparently finished, and was curled up in the grass with his eyes shut. Tony was still working patiently on the Hulk's penis; he was erect himself, which suggested that Hank had not put in all the effort he could.

"That's mean," Jan decided aloud, and Thor made a questioning noise. "Look at poor Tony. No one's taking care of him." She scrabbled for a rock, and came up with a clod of earth, which she threw at Cap. It hit his boot, and he stilled his hand and directed a hurt look at Jan.

"Captain, why do you abandon our comrade in his uncomfortable state?" Thor said sternly. Cap looked around, puzzled, as if looking for someone who looked uncomfortable. Jan had to admit uncomfortable might not have been the best way of putting it.

"Tony," she said, and Cap obligingly diverted his gaze. After a second, his hand began to move again. "No, idiot." She dug for another clod of earth, but Thor grabbed her arm and hauled her to her feet.

"We shall go to his aid," he declared, and they wobbled forward, and then came to a stop at Cap's feet. "But first, you must disrobe."

"Disrobe?" Cap looked up, and Jan could almost see the words 'I don't have a robe,' forming in his head.

"Take your clothes off," she pointed an accusing finger at him. "Everyone else is naked!"

"Oh," he looked around. "I didn't... someone should have said something." He peeled off his gloves, and then began to work at his boots. After thirty seconds, Thor grabbed his heel and yanked. "Ow. Okay, can you do the - ow."

Cap wriggled out of his pants, which took long enough she thought Thor was going to grab and yank again. She'd always suspected those pants were entirely impractical. Her other suspicion, that they were padded in the crotch area, was proven untrue. Cap was definitely doing America proud all on his own.

The armour was added to the heap, and he looked up at her guilelessly.

"What now?"

Now, apparently, was time for the Hulk to have an orgasm. The noise he made was indescribable.

"Yuck." Jan eyed Tony, who was wiping his face off in Hank's discarded costume. "That went everywhere."

"What if he came with superstrength?" Tony said in a muffled voice. "That's no way to die."

"Is that how it works?" Cap stared at the Hulk's supine form. "It's... a really awful superpower."

"I am as mighty as the Hulk," Thor said with dignity, "And I have not... I did not..."

"You've never sneezed and had your butt explode?" Tony lifted his head from Hank's costume and grinned lopsidely. Thor glared.

"Hush. Or..." Thor frowned, and took a few steps forward, dragging Jan along. "We were going to - " He tugged on Tony's hair, and Tony slapped at his hand and then scrambled to his feet. Thor and Jan reached for him simultaneously, and the hug that followed was very nice indeed. Jan stood on her toes, and pulled Tony's head down for a kiss; he tasted of musk, and his beard prickled, but it was still good, and he ran his hand down her back and squeezed her rear.

"C'mere," he mumbled against her lips, and hooked a hand under her thigh to lift it over his hip. She grabbed Thor's shoulder for balance, and he held her steady as Tony's fingers slipped inside her. "You're all wet, God, you feel good. Let me - "

He dropped to his knees, and nuzzled between her thighs; she slumped back into Thor's embrace as Tony's tongue laved over her, broad wet strokes. She arched her back and ground against his mouth, sighing, and when her eyes fluttered open, she saw Cap, still lying where they'd left him.

"Oh, come on," she said. "Cap, are you even trying? You come here right now. Honestly, it's like you don't like us or something."

"I do," he pushed himself over onto his hands and knees, and crawled twards them, fetching up against Tony's back, where he propped his chin on Tony's shoulderblade and peered between Jan's thighs with every sign of fascination.

Just then, Tony grazed a tooth over a part of Jan that was far too sensitive for such treatment. Her knee jerked sharply up, and collided with his jaw; he reared back, and drove his shoulder into Cap's face. There was a second's pause, and then both men fell over with moans of distress.

"You have broken them," Thor said, and Jan let out a horrified little giggle and pulled away to drop to her knees, patting at whichever bits were nearest.

"I'm sorry," she patted Cap's shoulder. "Oh, dear, is it broken?" There was blood all over his pretty face, and she didn't think she could bear it if she had to look at his broken nose over breakfast every day and know she'd done that. "Tony, are you - " she broke off as he spat a tooth into his palm, and displayed it to her reproachfully. "I'm sorry!"

"I need to put it somewhere safe," Tony's head swiveled around like an owl's. "Maybe they can fix it."

"I have pockets in my costume," Cap's voice was muffled; he was holding his nose.

After a moment, Tony reached over and dropped the tooth in the Iron Man helmet with a little click. "There," he said with satisfaction. "Now, can we please do something about my dick?"

"What? It looks all right to me," Cap said, and Tony didn't even dignify that with a response; instead, he straddled Cap and sat down on his dick. There was a muffled noise of surprise, and then Cap sat up and put his arm around Tony's waist. He'd managed to smear blood all the way up to his eyebrows, but at least he wasn't bleeding anymore. "This is a good idea." He rested his cheek on Tony's shoulder, and smiled goofily at Jan.

"Pardon me," Thor said, and edged past Jan to get a hand in Tony's hair. "Can you - "

"I can't reach," Tony grabbed, and pulled, and Thor made an alarmed noise and dropped to one knee. "Can't reach there, either, Steve, can you - "

Fidgeting and rearranging followed, and Jan hastily inserted herself into the mix; she ended up astride Tony, while his head was cradled against Thor's thigh, and Cap leaned around to nuzzle at her breasts; Tony was not exactly deity-sized, but was certainly enough to be going on with, and Cap made happy, sexy noises and nipped and sucked at her nipples with just the right amount of force, and it was all wonderful and she really loved being an Avenger.

She announced that when they were all done, and lying in a heap together, Thor's belly smooth and firm under her cheek, Tony's head pillowed on her breasts, Cap's hands clasped with hers. She could see Hank, and hear his rasping snores.

"I really, really love being an Avenger," she tugged on Cap's hands, and he squeezed back. "It's the best thing ever."

"Sure is," Tony mumbled, and Thor stroked her hair.

"I still don't really know why we're called the Avengers," Cap said thoughtfully, from somewhere under Tony, and Jan started to laugh.