Vanya wouldn’t say she’s close to Allison but there’s a kind of kinship between them that arises from being the only two girls in a house full of boys. Allison will come to Vanya to complain about period cramps or something dumb Diego said. There are even some times when Allison brings Vanya to her room to look at the fashion magazines she manages to acquire when she’s out on missions. It’s not really anything Vanya’s personally interested in, but Allison is her sister and she enjoys her company.
Needless to say, she’s not really surprised when Allison insists that their upcoming free Sunday evening is going to be a girl’s night. Five scowls when he learns they aren’t going to be spending time together and Vanya feels a little bad as Klaus drags him away but decides she’ll make it up to him next week. It’s nice to be wanted by her sister for once.
The night in question, Allison’s borrowed Luther’s record player and has chocolate covered almonds for them to share. She’s jittery tonight, Heart’s “Alone” playing in the background while absentmindedly flips through an old copy of Cosmo, urging Vanya to eat. Vanya acqueises, waiting for Allison to come out with whatever it is she wants to say.
She’s in the middle of reading some horoscope - it’s still funny to her that all seven of them are Libras, doomed to the same horoscope every month - when Allison clears her throat. Vanya looks up patiently, taking in the brightness of Allison’s eyes and the excited smile curling at her corners.
Vanya can’t help but smile in return. Allison’s quick to move to her, crawling over her bed so that she’s sitting beside her. “I have something to tell you,” she says quickly, tripping over the words in her rush to get them out.
Vanya puts aside the magazine, giving Allison her full attention. Allison lowers her voice, even though it’s only the two of them in her room. “Last week… Luther and I…” She looks bashful now and isn’t that strange. That’s not an expression Vanya sees often on Allison.
“We had sex.”
Allison beams, completely giddy with her confession. Vanya blinks with surprise. “Oh wow,” she breathes out. Of all the things Vanya was expecting Allison to say, this wasn’t on her list. She knows about Allison’s relationship with Luther, it’s the worst-kept secret in the house after all. Knows that they spend nights sneaking off to God-knows-where together, knows the reason behind Allison’s chapped lips and high collars at the breakfast table.
But there’s a difference between innocent kissing and straight up sex. Vanya can’t even fathom it, still unkissed herself at seventeen. It’s, impressive actually. She stares at Allison, awe tingeing her surprise. Allison’s always been interested in growing up quicker, and this is just one giant way she’s ahead of the game. She’s not sure what to say. What is the socially acceptable thing to say when your adopted sister sleeps with your adopted brother? Congratulations? No, that’s ridiculous.
Vanya is curious though so she can’t help her reaction. “What was it like?” she asks in a hushed tone.
Allison blushes. Vanya’s eyebrows raise high. Her confident sister rarely blushes. “It was a little awkward at first,” she admits, tugging at one string of curls. A nervous habit. “But Luther was really sweet and it ended up being…” Allison’s blush deepens, probably recalling the night in question. It makes Vanya feel a little embarrassed, too. “...really good,” she finishes quietly.
Vanya isn’t sure how she should be feeling about this revelation but if Allison is happy then she’s happy for her. She reaches out to touch Allison’s shoulder, a gentle sign of affection. “I’m happy for you,” she tells her honestly and Allison smiles like the sun. She grabs Vanya’s hand, squeezing.
“I’m glad I told you first,” she admits. Vanya feels warmth bloom in her chest. “Klaus would’ve just teased me and asked me about Luther’s dick.”
Vanya considers her. “Do you want to talk about Luther’s dick?” she asks solemnly and Allison bursts into laughter. They finish off the chocolate almonds, Allison chatting her ear off about the details of their last mission, sex talk seemingly finished. Towards the end of the night, right when Vanya’s expected to go back to her room, Allison pulls her back.
“If you ever have any questions about sex, you can always come to me. Okay?” Allison looks serious but Vanya brushes her off.
“Come on, Allison. Who am I going to have sex with?” The idea is laughable. Even if Allison didn’t have Luther, she’s got a plethora of dedicated fanboys who all love “The Rumor.” If she really wanted to, Allison could easily find someone to sleep with. It’s not like that for Vanya. Her network of people is tiny, her connections with colleagues faint and shallow. Her strongest relationships are with her siblings and even she doesn’t consider herself close to every single one of them.
Allison studies her with a strange gleam in her eye. “You’d be surprised,” she says evasively. She surprises Vanya by giving her a quick hug good night. “Just… think about it, okay?”
“Okay,” Vanya replies helplessly. She’s not sure how the sex talk got turned on her. After all, Allison was the one who’d lost her virginity. But she tries not to think about it as she bids Allison goodnight, walking back to her room.
As soon as she opens the door, she jumps in surprise. Five’s in her seat, eyebrows furrowed, her copy of Contemporary Music Throughout the Ages open in his lap.
“Five?” she asks. Five looks up with a frown.
“You made me spend my evening with Klaus.” His voice drips with disdain and Vanya bites her lip to hide her laughter.
“You get along with Klaus,” she argues back, going over to her tiny drawer to get out her pajamas. She and Five usually spent their free Sunday nights together - attempting Five’s extra hard Sudoku, putting together a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, looking up random words in the encyclopedia. Stuff like that. Lately, it’s hard to get any free time during the week, with her going to school in the morning and Five training all day. Sundays were special to her. Vanya tells herself again she needs to make up for it next Sunday. Play his favorite game or whatever he wanted. “I’m sorry,” she adds, an afterthought. Stupid as it is to say, she did miss him.
“Don’t apologize,” Five sighs, shutting her book and walking over. He tugs playfully at a strand of her, showing her he’s not actually mad. “So.” The annoyance on his face changes to something more mischievous. “ I’m curious. What did you and Allison do all night? Clearly she needed you for something.”
Vanya immediately turns pink, recalling their sex talk. “Girl stuff,” she squeaks out.
Five looks unamused. “Well, that’s vague.”
She shifts her gaze away from his face. “You… wouldn’t be interested.” Oh, god. Talking about this sort of thing with Allison but with Five? Vanya can feel herself heating up. Absolutely not!
Five tugs again at her hair. Figures. Tell Five he can’t know something, and he immediately wants to know. The most petulant part about him. “Vanya.” She keeps her eyes away from him. Vanya knows if she doesn’t, there’s a chance he’ll get her to crack and that can’t happen. No way. “Vanyaaaa,” he cajoles, slipping his fingers on her red cheek.
To her horror, she blushes. Five taps his fingers on her heated skin and she jerks away. “I uh,” she stammers, looking anywhere but at him. “I should get ready for bed…”
Vanya tries exaggerating a yawn. “I’m really tired,” she mumbles, turning around to go to her dresser. A second later, Five jumps so he’s right in her space again, wrapping a hand around her wrist. Sometimes, his powers are so annoying.
“I know what game you’re playing,” Five snarks at her, “and you’re not good at it.”
“Wh-what game?” she asks, clueless. She’s still not looking at him. So of course, Five reaches in to grab her chin, turning with his fingers until she’s facing him. Vanya pouts. Five smirks.
“The game you’re not good at,” Five says smugly. “Deflecting. Lying.”
“I’m not,” she stammers. It’s true but he doesn’t have to say it like that. “Doing either of those things, thank you very much!”
Five steps closer. Vanya tilts her head to keep eye contact with him, stubborn. There’s no way she’s telling him what they talked about. It was private and Allison’s business! Plus, knowing Five, he probably already knew. Somehow, Five always knows the secrets in the house.
For once, Vanya would like to keep this one.
He opens his mouth. Presumably to say something clever, to trick her into telling him what he wants to know. But Vanya is saved at a knock on her door and Grace’s voice carrying over “Vanya? Lights out in thirty, sweetheart.”
“Yes, Mom,” she calls back, smiling sweetly up at Five. She pushes his chest, looking pointedly at her pajamas. “I have to change.”
Five’s unamused again. “Hmm.”
“Don’t look at me like that! I’m tired.” She yawns again to emphasize her point.
“Girl talk sounds exhausting,” he drawls back at her.
Vanya just rolls her eyes, turning around, ready to change. “Good night Five.”
There’s a beat of silence and then he sighs, clearly annoyed, mumbling a quick “Goodnight” back before the familiar sound of his spatial jump crackles in the air.
Her shoulders slump in relief. Thank god that was over with. Five is too good at interrogation. He’d make a frightening lawyer. And ultimately, Vanya did the right thing. Allison’s secret isn’t hers to share.
She thinks about it again, once she’s in her pajamas and nestled in bed. Allison’s dipped her toes into a world that Vanya hasn’t even touched yet. Physical intimacy with another person. Hearing it the first time, Vanya had felt embarrassed.
Now… she’s not sure what she feels. Something akin to jealousy but it’s not that simple or petty. She’s happy for Allison. She really is. Vanya just wonders if she’ll ever be close enough to another human being to ever get to that point.
It’d be nice. That’s all.
She falls asleep, dreaming of phantom hands on her body.
It’s been two weeks since Allison’s told her about her little tryst with Luther and Vanya can’t stop thinking about it. Not... Allison and Luther in particular. Even though it’s been so incredibly obvious now the two of them are being intimate with how Allison practically glows around the house and Luther walks around with a dopey, blissful expression on his face. Klaus usually makes lewd gestures at them during dinner when Dad isn’t looking, making Ben blanch and Diego roll his eyes. Luther always turns a bright red while Allison smiles smugly, a cat that got the canary.
Five catches her elbow one morning while she’s putting her books into her bag.
“So… I guess I figured out what “girl talk” was about.” He looks sheepish, a rare expression on Five. This is as close to an apology she’ll ever get from him, so she’ll take it. Vanya blushes a little.
“Yeah.” She clears her throat. “I’m happy for them!”
Five laughs under his breath. “I guess. Though I think Luther is more of an idiot than before.”
Vanya shrugs. Maybe so, but she thinks it’s nice. Luther and Allison look at each other with a kind of open, pure affection that makes her wistful. It seems nice. “Love makes you stupid,” she murmurs to herself.
Five’s got a strange expression on his face but Pogo’s calling for Vanya to come to the car before she can ask him what’s wrong.
At school, Vanya is her usual, quiet self but she can’t help but stare at the rest of her classmates. They’re all seniors now, on the cusp of adulthood. She wonders how many of them have had sex. She wonders if it’s considered normal.
She wonders if it’s considered normal for her to be thinking about sex as much as she has been. Not about anyone in particular, but just the vague idea of it. A hand creeping up her thigh past her skirt when she’s at the lunch table. Slipping a hand down her shirt to squeeze at her breast through her pair. Little thoughts along those lines come to her like bolts of electricity, making her tingle all over.
Vanya spends the rest of the school day feeling hot and itchy under her clothes. Pogo asks if she’s feeling alright on the way home and she just nods, pressing her face against the cool glass of the car window in an attempt to calm down.
This is ridiculous, she thinks to herself as she stands under the lukewarm spray of the shower. She feels like a naughty child who got their first glimpse of something explicit. It’s… embarrassing being this horny suddenly. Because that’s what she is.
Really, unbearably, stupidly horny.
Cautiously, she cups her breasts, circling her nipples. She’s done this before, explore her body, coaxed it slowly to orgasm. Usually at night when she can’t fall asleep or a few days before her period. Not often but it’ll probably help with the influx of horny thoughts.
Vanya tilts her head back, imagining those phantom hands on her instead of her own, bigger hands with a firmer touch. She moves a hand down past her belly to the heat between her legs, biting down into her bottom lip as she starts rubbing at herself. It’s a good thing she put the water at a cooler temperature than usual because her body is heating up quickly, a product from being wound up all day, a tightened bow string on the verge of snapping.
She sinks a finger into herself and her teeth breaks the skin of her lip, blood soaking her mouth. In the back of her mind, there’s a faint, rational voice that knows she can’t get off properly like this. But her hips are bucking into the desperate rhythm, her thumb rubbing at her clit along with her frantic curl of her fingers inside her.
There’s a familiar heated swoop in her stomach. Her cunt spasms. Vanya’s eyes flutter shut. Just a little more, just a little more -
A loud knock shatters the moment. Vanya’s hand drops from her mouth, gasping for her. “Vanya? Could you hurry up?” Klaus sounds whiny. “I need to wash my hair.”
“One minute,” she croaks back. Her voice doesn’t sound like her own. The water is freezing. Vanya shuts it off, wrapping a towel around herself, and grabbing her things. She doesn’t bother to get dressed, unlocking the door and pushing past a surprised Klaus to get into her room. She thinks she sees Five in the corner of her eye, looking stunned and trying to call out to her but she escapes into her room before he can.
Later, she can be embarrassed about this. For now, she plops herself on her bed, body dripping wet, and goes right back to touching herself. Desperate, she thinks. She’s desperate. More than just for orgasm, she’s desperate for someone else’s hands on her. She wants them to make her come.
It’s this thought that has her toes curling. Her fingers pinch her clit as she shakes through her orgasm, slapping a hand over her mouth to hold back her moan. Vanya collapses against her mattress, breathing hard through her nose, her heart thumping madly in her chest. Faintly, she thinks that she needs to get up and dry herself properly before she catches a cold.
But Vanya’s still thinking about those phantom hands, trailing her fingers down to her cunt, still tingling, pressing down and sighing at how wet she is. Embarrassment catches up with her eventually when the high of her orgasm fades. She can’t believe she did that - touched herself in the shower in the middle of the day. Getting intimate with herself only ever happened in the dark. That she was desperate and brazen enough to do it now... she wants to crawl under her bed and never come out.
Too bad she actually can’t. Vanya dresses herself for dinner with shaky hands. She spends the entirety of it red-faced, staring down at her plate, ignoring Five’s questioning glances and Allison’s concern.
She’s slowly stewing in her mortification. She was so desperate for relief, the desire to touch herself won over her sense of propriety. No self control, just a stupidly horny teenager wanting to live out her fantasy. Well, it’s not happening again. Vanya’s grown, and in control of herself. Today was just a moment of weakness. A one time thing.
It is not a one time thing.
In fact, it seems after that first embarrassing time, Vanya’s need to touch herself increases exponentially. She walks around in a feverish haze, spending her school days with clammy hands on her knees, an uncomfortable ache in between her thighs that’s persistent throughout the day until she can get home and touch herself. After Klaus nearly caught her that one time, she refuses to do it in the shower again which means she has to wait until after dinner. Squirming in her seat, restless heat vibrating under her skin the entire time. The thing is, humiliating as it is, she knows she’s not doing a good job at composing herself. She’s twitchy and dazed, a total space cadet who can’t focus on anything but the unbearable burn in her loins.
And, unfortunately for her, the others have noticed. Five in particular, which horrifies her on a molecular level.
“You haven’t moved the page once in the past ten minutes,” Five points out once when they’re at the library, eyes sharp and pointed on her. Vanya ducks her head, peeking at him through her bangs. He’s right - for the past ten minutes Vanya’s been thinking about someone’s fingers in her and rubbing her clit, making her come like that.
Her face is heated. “It’s a good page,” is all she can say in response. Five closes his notebook, turning to face her fully with a furrowed brow.
“Alright,” he states bluntly. “You’ve been weird for days. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Five’s never been one to beat around the bush. But Vanya would truly rather suffocate herself than tell him the truth. Even a little bit of it. “I’m just tired,” she lies through her teeth. “School is just a lot to deal with right now.”
She feels a little bad when Five’s annoyance shifts to something more concerned. Then, in an completely unexpected move, he places a cool hand on her hot forehead. Vanya’s entire body stiffens at his touch.
“You’re a bit warm,” he says. Vanya bites at the inside of her cheek. “Don’t go getting sick on me. I won’t forgive you leaving me to fend for myself against those morons.”
Vanya attempts a weak smile for him. She almost sighs in relief when he finally pulls his hand away from her. “Go rest,” he commands and Vanya is quick to nod, pressing her books to her chest and scurrying away.
She’s not going to sleep. She’s too worked up to sleep. Her body had been a live wire all day, lost in her fantasies, but Five’s hand on her forehead had been enough to push her off the edge. Her panties are already wet as she walks up the stairs, keeping her thighs pressed closely together.
Vanya wants real hands on her. She’s always known it, but it’s even more apparent when she finally gets to touching herself, biting down on her pillow case and fucking herself with her fingers. It’s not enough. The orgasm she gets ripples over her in a weak unsatisfying wave that leaves her wanting more when it fades away.
Vanya curls up on her bed, panting quietly. There’s a terrible ache in her, thrumming in her blood, throughout her skin. She wants to be touched, so badly. Her own hands aren’t enough. That’s the root of it. Imagining someone else’s hands, mouth, and body isn’t doing it for her anymore. Not even a little bit. The reality of the past few weeks, more sexually frustrated than she’s ever been in her entire life, touching herself more than she ever has, comes crashing down in one single, internal confession: I want to have sex.
She turns her body and screams into her pillow.
After a few days of an unhealthy dose of self-hatred mixed with disgust, Vanya finally stops feeling sorry for herself and decides to do something about it.
First and foremost, she’s got to find someone to sleep with.
Easier said than done. Clearly, some random person from school wouldn’t cut it. Vanya doesn’t really have many friends to begin with, only acquaintances from orchestra and a few people to talk to whenever there’s a test. But something as intimate and personal like this can’t be done with a stranger. Vanya’s anxiety alone wouldn’t allow it. Plus, she just doesn’t want to. It has to be with someone she knows. Someone she trusts.
That only leaves her family.
After she gets over the initial horror of having to ask one of her brothers to take her virginity, unable to look any of them in the face without turning into a cherry tomato, Vanya thinks about her realistic choices. Obviously, Luther is out of the picture, firmly Allison’s in every way. Not that she’d be interested in Luther like that in the first place. He’s not her type. Vanya’s not quite sure what her type is, but Luther isn’t it.
And there’s the rest of them. There’s no way in hell she could ever ask Diego, they don’t exactly have a good relationship. He rarely has a kind word to spare for her, she can’t be vulnerable with him. Klaus is one of the more experienced ones, if there’s actually any truth to his sordid tales, but if Vanya went to him the entire household would know before the day was over. She would appreciate some privacy. Ben is kind and good, the sweetest of all her brothers, but…
Vanya bites her lip. She’s a fool. There was no need to even go through the process of elimination with her brothers. The answer is so painfully clear, so blatantly obvious, she could laugh. It’s got to be Five, the person she trusts more than anyone else in the world. Five is her favorite. They have a good relationship plus he knows how to be discrete. And while the others might disagree with her, Vanya does consider Five kind and good. At least to her. He is a safe, solid presence in her life.
All good reasons to have sex with him.
Though the very thought of asking him has her burying her head under the covers, taking deep, panicked breaths. Because god. How can she just go up and ask Five that? How would that even work? Hi Five, I’d like to have sex with you. Vanya’s sweating just thinking about it. She can't even imagine how he'd react to it.
The two of them might be close, but they’re not like Allison and Luther who have been exchanging kisses since the first throes of puberty crept onto them. They’re in love. She and Five, they’re just not like that.
Her and Five are the quiet comfortable silence in the library. Sneaking downstairs to share two peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches - that Five eats the majority of anyways. Her and Five are secret, silent communication over the dinner table. A raised eyebrow and a hidden smile.
It’s always been her and Five. Since they were small. It’s no exaggeration that he’s the most important person in her life.
So, asking him would be weird. It would be mortifying. She’s not going to do it. There’s no way in hell. Plus, how could their relationship go back to normal if she made that choice? Crossed that line? Broken their careful, comfortable camaraderie?
Vanya cares too much about what she has with Five to ever endanger their relationship. After a few agonizing days thinking over it, she decided that it’s just not worth it. Five is more important. She can just deal with endless horniness until she moves out. Maybe take up Allison’s offer from before and ask about sex toys or something. Anything. She will make it work. It’s going to be fine.
It’s not fine.
Up until this point, Vanya never thought about a specific someone while she touched herself. Just the idea of another person’s hands on her was thrilling enough.
She’s touching herself before bed, as per usual, curling her fingers inside her while she rubs tentatively at her clit. Vanya knows her body pretty well by now, and is right on the edge of an orgasm when Five’s face pops unexpectedly in her mind. Not even Five touching her, just him stretched alongside her, him watching her intently as she pushes herself to come. She can imagine his gaze going all intense the way they do when he’s focused. Except this time, he’s focusing on her.
Her orgasm is unexpected, hitting her in one sharp wave. Everything goes bright, pleasure exploding in a hot burst throughout her body. Her toes curl and her legs shakes and Vanya has to slap a hand over her mouth to quiet the moan she lets out. Tingly pleasure is thrumming through her entire body, making her chest tremble, and she’s thinking of Five’s bright, sea-green eyes.
When Vanya comes down from her high, grim realization settles in her, a cold stone in her gut that makes all the heat fade away. The reality of what’s just happened chills her. She orgasmed - a really good orgasm thinking of Five’s eyes on her the entire time.
Vanya swallows hard. Oh no.
Ever since she came to the conclusion that Five would be the one she would hypothetically sleep with, her brain seems dead-set on betraying her with vivid, explicit fantasies in which he’s the star. The next few days are torture. Suddenly she’s hyper-conscious of Five’s presence, his body. How he’s a full head taller than her now, filling out in his shoulders, all lean tightly-compact muscle. Objectively, Five is growing up handsome. He’s got the fanbase to prove it. His sharp mouth doesn’t take away from his face. The sharpness of his jaw, those intense sea-green eyes…
“What are you doing?” Five’s voice interrupts her musings. Vanya jerks back almost violently at his voice, rapidly turning pink. She’s been blushing so much lately, she’s going to pass out one of these days. It’s lunch, the most easygoing meal in the Hargreeves household. Individual training lasts until late afternoon so usually her siblings eat lunch at different times. It’s the only time they don’t all have to sit together. Five’s finished early, so he’s sitting at the lunch table while Vanya is cutting up vegetables for a salad. He’s all sweaty, something Vanya has seen countless times but now it’s making her all flustered.
“Huh?” she manages to reply despite the tightness of her throat and the flush at the back of her neck. She’s not quite looking Five in the face, staring at some spot beyond his shoulder. To her dismay though, Five jumps so that he’s right next to her, taking the knife from her hand with a scowl.
“You were spacing out,” he scolds, shoving her a little with his hip so he can take over chopping. “You’ll slice your finger off.”
Vanya blinks, dazed at his proximity, the scent of his sweat filling her senses. “Uh huh.”
He’s annoyed with her responses. “Hello, Vanya? Is anyone there?” Five taps on her forehead lightly. Vanya squeaks, and shoves his hand away, but he follows her, flicking at her with his fingers. He grabs her wrist and easily tugs him to her, smirking. Vanya’s heart stops at their proximity.
Too close, too close, too close.
But before she can think to break away, there’s the sound of thundering footsteps, Diego’s shout and Klaus’s cackle, and Five’s body slams into hers, caging her against the counter, his body fully pressed to hers.
Vanya’s mind goes blank. Distantly, she can hear Five swearing: “Fucking hell, Diego, is something wrong with your eyesight? Watch where you’re going!”
But Vanya’s not paying attention to that. She’s focused on Five’s warmth seeping into her, his chest firm against hers, one hand clutching her hip tightly - a reflex to keep her from falling. She’s overwhelmed with him, helplessly pinned by his body, all the air evaporating in her lungs.
Then, as quickly as it happened, it’s over, Five stepping away from her with frown. He’s still looking in the direction of their brothers and Vanya’s face burns as she slowly comes back to awareness. She takes a deep breath, pressing her hand over her heart, pounding like a kick-drum.
Five looks over at her. “What is it? Did you hurt yourself?”
Vanya shakes her head robotically. She can’t look at him - can’t look at his body when it had been pressed so intimately against hers. Her skin is still tingling from being so close to his. She doesn’t trust herself to not jump into his arms again, desperate for that body heat, for the scent of his sweat.
Alright time to put the brakes on this before she did something she’ll regret later.
“I need the restroom,” she blurts out quickly, an easy escape. Her blood roars in her ears as she goes, feeling Five’s confused gaze on her back. She’s going to have to skip lunch.
Later, after she’s come harder than she ever has thinking about Five pinning her down with his weight, she makes a decision half-delirious with pleasure and exhaustion. Maybe it’s foolish, but she doesn’t care anymore. She can’t keep going like this. She just can’t.
Vanya knocks on Five’s door with a shaky hand, keeping her grip on the plate solid. There’s no need to be nervous, she tells herself. She’s been telling herself this for the past few days, trying to soothe her anxiety. This is Five. Even if he says no, he won’t judge her. Much, anyways. Better than the others, at least.
This is Five and she trusts him. It’ll be okay.
Five’s got his usual scowl when he answers the door but he blinks when he sees her. “Vanya?”
Vanya lifts the plate up, offering his favorite treat. “I brought you a snack,” she says quickly, steeling her nerves for what she means to ask him. Her hands are sweaty and her heart’s thrumming with anxiety. She hopes it’s not too obvious on her face.
Five raises an eyebrow, taking the plate from her. “Thanks. You want to come in?”
Vanya ducks her head, hair hiding her face. “Actually… I wanted to ask you something.” She bites her lip. “A favor.”
Five lets out an considering hum, biting into the sandwich. “So this is a bribe.” His eyes are alight with amusement as he chews and Vanya feels her cheeks flush. “Well then, I accept. Come in, already.”
Vanya almost makes her way to sit on his bed before she changes her mind, an unwanted image of him pinning her against it immediately flooding her mind. She chooses to perch on his desk instead, being sure to avoid sitting on his papers. If Five finds it odd, he doesn’t say anything, simply taking a seat without a second look at her and devouring the rest of his sandwich.
Vanya smooths out the wrinkles of her skirt, suddenly very self conscious. She should’ve asked Allison for some perfume or something. Was perfume standard for… sex? Asking for sex? She’s in her regular boring uniform, her regular cotton underwear - plain regular Vanya. Did she really think she could convince Five like this? There’s nothing desirable about her, especially like this. She’s just… Vanya. She’s going to ask him a very intimate favor - to fuck her - and she’s brought absolutely nothing to the table. This is mortifying. Her thoughts start to overflow, making her start to panic. This is a mistake. She shouldn’t be here.
She’s seconds away from bolting when Five turns in his seat, licking at his fingers. Vanya tries hard not to stare at them, long and dexterous. “So what did you need?”
Vanya opens her mouth, half convinced to come up with some sort of lie. Except she’s no good at lying. A voice in her head, a desperately horny one, reminds her she had decided she couldn’t continue like this. And it’s the truth. Fuck. Well, here goes nothing. Vanya bites her lip. “I was wondering…”
Five looks torn between amusement and annoyance, tapping his fingers on his knees. “You were wondering…?”
Vanya wants to look away, so badly. But something like this - it needs to be asked face to face. If she can’t stare right into his eyes and ask him this very personal favor, she has no business asking it at all. She gathers all her courage, the meager amount that it is.
“I was wondering,” her voice trembles slightly. Her fingers dig into the soft skin of her thighs. “If you’d have sex with me.”
Five goes completely still. It goes absolutely quiet in his room, so that the only sounds are of their breathing, heavy and ragged in time, with the fan in the corner sputtering weakly. Vanya is too nervous to even turn red, all the blood in her body icy cold. He’s being too quiet and it’s freaking her out.
“I’m sorry,” Five’s voice cracks a little. Vanya likes to think she knows every expression that Five’s ever made, but she doesn’t know this look on his face. Not one bit. “I don’t know if I heard you right. Could you… repeat yourself?”
Vanya wants to die. She wants to crawl under his table and disappear for good. This is a mistake, it is absolutely a mistake and she is a fool in every way. How could she think this would go down alright?
“I’m sorry,” she tells him, sliding off the desk. She can’t stand to look at him anymore. It’s time to leave and bury herself in her blankets, in hopes they would swallow her alive. “Just, forget about it.” Vanya starts to dash to the door, make her wild escape but Five, after staring after her in shock, is quick to react. He jumps in front of the door, blocking her exit.
“Vanya.” Five sounds markedly calmer than he looks, eyes wild and cheeks flushed. She freezes in her tracks, spine tight with tension. A wound up bow string. He exhales shakily. “Don’t run away from me.”
Vanya swallows. She wants to back away from him, he’s much too close right now, and it’s too much for her to handle. But she can’t. She’s trapped in his gaze, a sheep walking into the jaws of a wolf.
Don’t run away from me.
She shudders. Somehow manages to drag her eyes away from him, looking straight at the ground. The ground is safe, always safe. “It’s nothing,” she whispers, unconvincingly. Clearly, she didn’t plan her exit strategy well enough. She didn’t plan anything well enough, just built enough courage that was born from desperation. The walls are closing in and Vanya’s running out of options.
There’s a hand on her wrist, startling her into raising her head again. Right at Five, who’s suddenly a lot closer than before. His eyes are burning. Fire in an ocean. “You said something,” he says slowly, as if he’s conscious of every word. “You said something, so unbelievable, I feel like I’m going crazy. I need you to repeat it.”
Oh. Vanya lets out a shaky breath. Five’s fingers are tight on her wrist and his gaze is searing right through her. With his undivided, focused attention, she’s at a loss. No barriers to put up, no place to run away. She has no choice, but to do as he asks. To spill her guts and just say it. “I want to have sex,” her voice is tiny, but firm, and she’s proud to say she’s only trembling just a little. Five is gazing at her with those intense eyes, jaw visibly clenching. “And… I’d like it to be with you. If that’s alright.”
Five releases her wrist the same time he lets out a deep breath. Vanya is tempted to take a step back but doesn’t want to seem like she’s backing down on her words. So she stays rooted in the same spot, wringing her hands together behind her back. They stand there awkwardly for a moment, the weight of Vanya’s request heavy in the air. She’s waiting for him to say something, she realizes, but he’s been stiffly silent, his hands clenched at his sides.
There’s a bit of relief when he finally speaks. “What brought this on?” His voice is oddly tight, which doesn’t help her relax one bit. She’s aware of every single part of her body, tightly wound. Her spine a metal rod, keeping her stiff.
Vanya ducks her head. It’s embarrassing enough that she had to come to him to ask. But to explain what she’s been going through the past few weeks… she doesn’t think she could take it. She can’t imagine what kind of face he’d make if she told him she’d been ridiculously horny and masturbating nonstop. She can’t imagine telling him. “Is that a no?” she replies instead of answering his question.
He clicks his tongue, obvious disapproval at her refusal to answer. Five sighs, rubs his temple, replying with yet another question: “Why me?”
At this, she wants to laugh. Isn’t it obvious? Who else could it be, but him? She’s agonized over this choice but it was always going to be him. Nobody else could do it. “I trust you,” she says simply. She hopes that’s enough for him. It’s certainly enough for her. Plus the fact that she genuinely hasn’t stopped thinking about him for days. His body against hers, his fingers pressing into her, his mouth on her skin.
But she’s not ready to tell him that. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever be ready. “I…” Vanya’s gone over this conversation in her head over a dozen different times but she still can’t think of the words to say. Her tongue is all twisted.
Five’s got a weirdly gentle look at his face. It’s an odd contrast with the rest of him being just as stiff and tightly wound as her. “I think,” he begins carefully. “That you should think about this. It’s not…” It’s interesting to see the usually confident Five struggle for words. Even though what he’s saying is ridiculous. “It’s not just something you decide on a whim.”
Vanya feels a rush of disbelief. Then, irritation. Think about it? Think about it? It’s all she’s been thinking about. Did he really think she’d come to him without frantically going over the pros and cons, without wanting to bolt at any minute? Vanya’s too cautious, too timid, to have done this just on a whim. She's thought about it to the point where she felt sick with it. And she asked anyways, despite how terrified she was.
“I have thought about it,” she answers hotly. Five’s openly surprised at her heated response, blinking at her. “I’ve thought about it, a lot, and it’s what I want.”
All at once, Vanya watches Five’s features darken. He takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair, mussing it up. “Yeah?” he asks in a strained voice. She takes in his flushed cheeks, his heated eyes, his tense shoulders.
Oh. It’s not just surprise from her request. Not like she thought. He’s affected by this too. The idea of the two of them having sex. Just as much as she is.
It’s a stunning, wonderful realization.
She swallows. “Yeah,” she says quietly. Emboldened, she takes a step forward, takes his hand into hers. The heat in her gut she’s grown familiar with the past few weeks is building again. But it’s different because she’s with Five now, aware of his body in front of hers, the heat of his palm sinking into her skin, breathing in shaky tandem. It’s more intense, pricking every inch of her body with bright heat.
Yeah. She wants this. She really wants this.
Five exhales shakily. He runs his thumb over her knuckles. Vanya feels warm. “I… alright.” There’s an underlying note of disbelief in his voice, like he can’t believe what he’s agreeing to. Vanya can hardly believe it either. “If you’re sure-”
“I’m sure,” Vanya interrupts before he can come up with more excuses. He said yes. He said yes, and she’s capitalizing on it. She’s grabbing on to that ‘yes’ and not letting go.
She squeezes his hand once before stepping back, grabbing the bottom of her vest and tugging it over her head. Quickly drops it to the floor, fingers going to the buttons of her blouse next. Five’s eyes nearly pop out of his head with how wide they go. She’s on the third button, showing off her plain, cotton bra when he snaps back to attention. He squawks:“What are you doing?!”
Vanya stops what she’s doing. She blinks at him in confusion and a little distress. Has he changed his mind already? “But I thought…” she starts quietly. What does he think she’s doing? Taking her clothes off - sex requires that.
Five blushes. A honest to god bright red blush. Vanya openly gapes at him - she can’t even remember the last time he blushed around her. Ever! He tears his eyes away from her, looking down at the floor. “Listen,” he says in that same strained voice from before. “I don’t - I don’t have anything. Condoms. Lube. We need both of those.”
It’s Vanya’s turn to blush. Oh. She knows, in theory, that sex needs both of those things but she just hadn’t thought about it. She messes with her third button, fingers fidgeting. At her silence, Five sighs deeply. “I assume you didn’t bring them either.”
Suddenly she’s feeling a bit shy. “I wasn’t sure you’d say yes,” she mumbles quietly. To her surprise, his head snaps back up, pinning her with a fierce look. Her mouth goes dry as he walks over to her, bringing his hands over hers and slowly buttoning her top back up, keeping his intense eyes on her the entire time.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he murmurs, voice low. It makes her shiver. She’s still dressed but she feels naked when he’s looking at her like that. It almost makes her want to look away. Five reaches a hand up to cup her cheek, stroking the skin with his thumb. Vanya bites her lip.
His eyes darken. “Saturday,” he continues gruffly. “After curfew. I’ll come to yours. Okay?”
Vanya nods. She can’t speak. Her heart is pounding too fast. Part of her wants to refuse, no, you said yes, I want to have sex right now, and just push him to the bed, straddle his hips and get his hands on her. But the other part of her, that’s still nervous, is relieved. She can get some nice lotion, beg Allison for something cute to wear… Yeah, Saturday is good.
“Good.” Five hesitates for a moment, looking down at her strangely. Vanya’s stomach flips, body tensing with anticipation.
But the moment is gone in an instant. Five steps away, taking his hand away and tucking into his pocket. Vanya has to forcibly stop herself from following him, pressing herself to him. They stare at each other, quiet. Now what? Vanya can feel the change in the air between them already, charged with heated electricity. She opens her mouth to say something. “I - “
She’s interrupted by the blare of the alarm. It roars loudly and seconds later there’s the telltale sound of footsteps stomping below them, their siblings’ loud voices rising through the wall. Five’s door bursts open, a frantic Ben looking in. “Five, Dad says it’s an emer - Vanya?”
He looks confused and Vanya waves weakly at him. Five stands in front of her, cool and collected. “I can get dressed in under a minute. Go help Klaus.”
Ben nods, not sparing them a second glance before disappearing. Five turns back to her. Vanya resists biting her lip again. “I’ll get out of your way,” she says quietly. “Good luck Five.”
He nods at her and well, that’s that. Vanya steps around him to leave. She’s about to head down the stairs when a crackle of energy bursts in front of her. Five’s got her pinned to the wall in a second, bending his head down towards her. Vanya’s heart stops in her chest. He’s already dressed - he really can get ready in under a minute.
“I’ll see you Saturday.” His voice’s a dark whisper, caressing the shell of her ear. Vanya arches up towards him, desperate for more contact but Five backs away with a smirk. It’s not his usual smirk. There’s something dangerous about it. Something promising. It makes heat pool in her gut, a tender ache between her legs forming.
Another second later he’s gone and Vanya’s left alone in the hall with her thundering heart. She clutches at her shirt, taking deep breaths. Saturday’s only three days away but she has a feeling she might die before then.