Jumpscares were a cheap tool to scare the audience with as little effort as possible. Law prided himself in being efficiently prepared for things of such dumb and tasteless nature. A stupid jumpscare worked on him once in a blue moon. He had toughen up throughout the many years of binging trashy horror flicks.
But this jumpscare, now this one scared Law shitless. Well… eggless if we keep it literal.
It wasn't a very big egg. It fitted easily into his palm. Law was still flabbergasted at how the thing managed to pop out of him without ripping anything inside his rectum. It was slimy and warm. As was his ass which was immensely uncomfortable. Let's not talk about the burning he was feeling in his lower back. It came very close to what getting rimmed raw by a 10 inch longtrain must feel like. While Law had fantasized about that a lot, he never actually planned to do it.
After Law cleaned himself and the egg up, he laid on his side and frowned at the thing that suddenly sprung from between his asscheeks. The shell was slowly but surely turning into a deep blue shade. Why was it turning blue? Why did it come out from his rectum? And why the hell was he feeling an absurd sensation akin to endearment for the damn thing?
Too many question he had no answers to. He didn't have to be a doctor (yet) to know that this was out of the ordinary. He wasn't a hen; that he was sure of. And not even hens shit eggs. This was absurd. His head began to ache so he decided to stop contemplating and instead take a nap. Post-nap Law shall have to deal with this shit. If he pulled the egg close to his chest, then out of instinct more than anything else. Anything else would be unacceptable.
He napped for longer than intended. By the time he woke up, the room had turned pitch black and his head was groaning out of exhaustion from too much sleep. Exactly the apposit he had hoped for. Great.
“Did I wake you? I'm sorry.” the familiar voice blew the last bit of sleeping sand from his eyes. Law did not sit up, though, fearing he might get a painful surprise.
“It's fine, I've slept for too long anyways.” Till 2am at least since that was the time Kid usually came home from work.
Law heard a soft snicker and some rustling. “Is today a special day? I rarely catch you sleeping that deeply."
For a second, Law could swear his heart was going to flutter out of his throat. (As if he hadn't had enough things coming out of his body.) Today (well, yesterday) was anything but normal. Kid wasn't wrong, today was special but for both of them for different reasons.
“Kind of,” Law said with a dry throat. There was no use in denying what is laying next to him or keeping it a secret from Kid. “Turn the lights on.”
Kid made an unsure noise at the back of his throat. “You sure?”
The flooding light was blinding at first, making Law see white and black dots. He rubbed his eyes viciously till they got used to the light. Frankly, he wasn't all too worried about Kid's reaction. The man wasn't gonna clock him for laying an egg unintentionally. Kid wasn't the type to lose his shit over this. He was rather nonchalant when it wasn't about his ego. Freaking out was usually Law's occupation. He himself was amazed that he had managed to stay this calm for so long. But then again, he was fatigued, confused and his ass hurt.
Kid's hair was damp which meant he showered already. He also only had his boxers on, his skin glistering under the warm light which, well, definitely meant he showered already. Law felt a pang of petulant disappointment; he had a strong fondness for the scent of fresh gasoline mixed with Kid's own.
“Why you got an ostrich egg and why is it blue?” Kid asked. He seemed more amused than confused.
Law gulped, his throat burning like a desert at that point. He licked his dry lips, the crust at the corners salty and gross. “This isn't and ostrich egg. They're much larger,” Law explained. He held out the egg and Kid took it gingerly with both of his hand, his mirthful eyes inspecting the thing. “That is,” if his throat was going to get any dryer it would peel like a snake, “that's my egg.”
Finally, like a normal person was supposed to, Kid's face scrunched up in a young state of confusion. “Whatchu mean this is your egg?”
Law tried pushing himself up on the elbows and was glad to find out that the pain seemed to have lessened while he was asleep. He leveled Kid with an mildly serious glare. The latter was wide-eyed and open mouthed. Despite the confound draining his face of color, the corners of his mouth were tilted up, unsure and instinctively humoured.
“That is my egg. Meaning it came from me. To be exact from my rectum.” Law cringed, unsurprised at how spelling that horrible-horrible sentence would make the situation only more bizarre. There was still hope that all of this is a weird, bad dream. Perhaps he simply ended up in an episode of The Phantom Zone. He only hoped it would be over soon.
Kid gulped, his adam's apple bobbing as his rapid eyes flickered repeatedly between Law's placid face and the egg. Like that was gonna explain anything. Kid rubbed his free hand over his face and the first wave of shock seemed to have vanished.
“Just lemme make this clear,” he said calmly, “you laid this egg?”
His voice was full with confusion and thin. “But why? And how?”
Law shrugged, and he felt rather content with that attitude. It was much less draining than stressing over it. “I don't know. I got startled by a jumpscare and then there was this thing.” Law felt more embarrassment over the first half than the actual egg-laying part. Maybe that was a good sign. He was an unashamed owner of his own self-laid egg.
“Is it fertilized?”
Now it was Law's turn to fall silent in astonishment. His mouth gaped open and closed again. He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, blew his cheeks and breathed out deeply. “Man, I don't know,” he said mullingly. “Is that even possible…” On all levels of science everything about this should not be happening.
Kid shrugged and Law wanted to clock the bastard for smiling like all of this was some kind of comedy. Oh, how Law wished he could just end all of this with a simple “it was just a prank."
Kid hummed thoughtfully, which was nearly never a good omen. “Well, till now I didn't know a human could lay eggs but look what we got here. Is it gonna be a chicken? A hybrid?” He held the egg up with both his hands like it was Simba. “Maybe it's a dragon.” The idea seemed to be hilarious to Kid, his grin widening and his severely broken nose wrinkling in amusement.
Perhaps, Law thought, perhaps he should just join Kid in the fun and be entertained and amused by the egg rather than being borderline appalled. “This isn't Game of Thrones, you dumbass.”
“Huh, you'd make a good Khaleesi… or Khal,” he frowned then shrugged it off, “Whatever you like better.”
Law slapped the man's naked thigh, the sound hefty and sharp. Kid feigned a hiss and buckled onto the bed, his large body making it creak and shift. Law would never admit to the little beat his heart skipped at the possible danger for the egg. “Stop. Now give it to me.”
Immediately, Law regretted uttering those words. Kid shot him a funny look, the kind of shiteating mirth in his eyes that implied he knew the underlying truth. “Getting possessive, are we?”
Despite the growing redness on his face, Law held his ground. “Oh, shut your mouth and hand the egg over.”
“Are you going to sit on it?”
Law rolled his eyes and tackled Kid to the best of his abilities, trying his hardest to not hit the egg Kid helt between his palms high above his head. By putting both his knees on Kid's biceps he impaired the man, now easily snatching the egg. He felt much better with the egg secured in his own hands. “No,” he said, frowning down at Kid. “I'm going to walk into a fire with it.”
Kid laughed breathlessly, his now free hands running up and down Law's thighs. The man sitting on his chest wasn't particularly light and didn't particularly aid him in catching his breath but he wasn't going to complain. With a permanent lopey grin on his face he looked up at Law, and his heart dropped a little at the sight of Law's wan face and the few extra shades of blue underneath his glassy eyes.
“Hey, you good?"
Law wrinkled his nose at him and Kid wouldn't be surprised if the man growled at him, as well. “Oh, now you care,” he said with petulant exaggeration.
It was hard to keep himself from rolling his eyes. Law was awfully-endearing when he was stung. Instead, Kid shoot him an apologetic smile and drew lazy circles with his thumbs over Law's hip bones. “Sorry, the egg kinda stole your shine.” And that was nothing but the truth.
With an almost offended glare Law stared at the egg in his hand. Then he sighed. “I'm fine,” he murmured. “Well, physically, I'm good. Though, I’m not sure if I have the mental capability to comprehend me laying an egg. We don't even know what's in there. Maybe it's nothing.”
Kid suddenly jolted up, now sitting and smiling at Law's face with lots of cheek. “Nah, you're being delusional. You're definitely a babydaddy now.”
Law didn't have the stamina to jab back with some witty reply. He breathed out and laid his forehead into the the curve between Kid's shoulder and neck. “I'm not ready to be a parent. I can barely juggle my studies and the job.”
“Wanna juggle something else?”
With his free hand Law stabbed Kid in the guts which was mostly blocked by his abbs. Stupid gymrat. “Don't think ‘cause I don't have my PhD yet, I won't successfully castrate you.”
Kid laughed and feigned a shudder at the empty threat. “I'm so scared now.” He tried stealing a kiss but Law wasn't having it. With a finality thr man sighed, swinging his leg over Kid's and getting himself off his lap.
A pensive expression settled on his face as he sat next to Kid on the edge of the bed and glared at the blue thing. “What am I supposed to do with this stupid egg?”
“Maybe there's a subreddit for dudes who lay eggs,” Kid said with a nonchalant shrug. It earned him a glare to which he only smiled wider. “Hey,” he began renewed, massaging Law's shoulders with strong hands, “don't worry bout it. We got this. I mean if it is actually a chicken or dragon… or a little Law.”
Law winced sceptical at the back of his throat. Did they tho? Were they really gonna be able to handle whatever that was gonna hatch from this cursed egg? He had his doubts. With a softening expression he turned to face the egg.
Maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe, everything would go right in the end. Law sighed. Sure, he was prone to risk but he did not like uncertainty. That just put a toll on his mind. He felt already drained by things to come.
Days turned to weeks, weeks to months with and still no hint from the egg whatsoever. Law had even used his spare money to buy the right equipment to keep it nice and warm for the egg. He began stop checking on it, his hope of it actually hatching running wild with the wind. He didn't know when he began looking forward to it hatching.
He began considering Killer's jestery advice of making scrambled egg of the motherfucker.
Both, Kid and Law settled on only telling each one trustful person of what transpired on the 12th of January. Kid obviously chose Killer, who Law always got along with very well. He was a little goofy but kept a clear mind and was generally very supportive.
The person Law chose to tell was Robin. He trusted her wholeheartedly, which Law could say only about a few people in his life. The older woman was also immensely helpful in rationalising things and seeing the bigger picture. Law appreciated her and her brilliant mind but even she would end up in a dead end at some point. While she tried her best she had no answer as to why Law's egg wasn't hatching. Maybe it's just a regular egg, not an allegedly fertilized one.
It was to a ripping hair out degree frustrating to walk past the thing just to see it unchanged.
On one day, Law sat in front of its container, glaring at it through the glass. Kid walked past him with some dirty laundry under his arm, the other hand holding a melting popsicle. It had been cold as bricks when Law laid the egg. It has almost been five month and it still hasn't hatched. Kid came back at some point without the dirty laundry and half of the popsicle gone.
“Whatchu up to?”
Law wasn't sure himself, something along the line of, “giving it moral support.”
Kid made an Ah-sound like it was the most obvious thing. “You want the rest of my popsicle?” he asked and held out the thing that was starting to drip down his fingers. “For moral support, eh?”
Careful not to get himself messy he took the sticky stem. “Thanks.” With one swift motion he sucked the remaining bit into his mouth. Clean and quick.
“Damn, what else that mouth do?” Law tried to punch Kid in the dick but he stepped away far too quickly and Law wasn't about to get off his chair to chase the idiot.
“Leave me alone. I have to channel my chakra.”
The redhead was quick to just accept whatever Law was up to. “Aight, I gotta go head out and buy some eggs; I'm making waffles later.”
Law threw the stem at Kid but missed him by an inch. Kid shoot him a self-satisfied grin and a peace sign before leaving the room. Useless idiot.
With a newfound vigour Law turned back towards the egg. Was he really gonna spend his saturday staring at this egg? Yes.
It was on 12th of May when Law decided on taking some risk. Well, he didn't really decide; it was more out of impulse. While Sanji was a better cook, Killer’s grilling skills were by far superior to the french chef. He had been grilling in the backyard and while everyone was eating some desert, Law decided to say fuck it, reignite the fire and very spontaneously dunk the egg into it. If it exploded, so be it. The damn thing had been driving Law up a wall. At least he was gonna get rid of it that way.
Oh, how wrong he was. The egg began to hiss at him and for a split second Law considered picking it back up. His healthy mind caught up with the stupid idea just in time.
He let the egg hiss and cook and it wasn't long till a small sound emerged from it. A little crack that could've been mistaken for the coal burning but Law wasn't blind. There was definitely a crack on the shell. Then two, three, four and so on till the shell broke off. Law didn't realize he was holding his breath as he watched a little beak poke out. Then a little head, with two large closed eyes. It made a small, almost unnoticeable sound that made Law's heart skip a beat.
Law's hands were dark with coal and he was pretty sure he had a few burns but he couldn't have cared less. With a ginger grip he held the small, chicken? Bird? Whatever between his cupped hands, mindful not to hurt the feeble little thing. Yes, thing was a good description.
Finally Law caught the sight of a red eyesore. “Kid!” The named man startled and turned towards the voice.
“Shit, you wanna give me a fucking heart- what the hell is that?” His expression fell off, his face becoming blank with confound. He squinted at the little blue head peeking through Law's fingers.
“Pipe it down.” The last thing Law wanted was for everyone present to catch wind of what just happened. “It's egg,” Law explained in a hushed tone, lifting his hands up.
Kid examined the little chicken-like thing. It looked very much like a chicken; if you ignored the slightly longer neck and the bright baby blue fuzz. Kid seemed to like it. He smiled broadly. “We are not naming it egg, are we?"
“How is that important right now,” Law said, his own speech now aloud and frantic. Kid backed off but the grin wouldn't falter. He felt a little mean for it but Law was so-so entertaining when stressed out and man, was he stressing. His face was sweat-drenched and flushed and he startled at every noise, expecting it to be someone lurking.
They rush inside the house with as little suspicion as possible and once in their room with the door locked, Law could finally breathe easy.
He crumbled into the bed, careful to not squeeze the thing that was becoming increasingly livelier and louder with every minute. It's eyes, too large for its small head, were shut more out of excitement than anything else. It flapped its meaty, useless wings around and didn't stop turning its head. When Law pushed it close to his face, he seemed to calm down. Law sniffed. He couldn't even care about Kid snickering at the raw tears rolling down his cheek.
“Hey, you,” Law said weakly and liked thinking that the bird started flapping its wings again because he understood him.
“You should name him.”
Law smiled and the first name that danced on his tongue, rolled of it with ease. “Marco.”