Work Header

The McDuck Family Group Chat

Chapter Text

Webby-Dings has created a group chat

Webby-Dings has added LenaDeDone, HowDoesHeDeweyIt, Team_Randy,  JWG4President, Violet, Duck_Dad, Moon_Moon, urnewbff, Scrooge_McDuck, and 022

Webbi-Dings has named the group “Family Group chat :)”



Webbi-Dings: hi!!!


urnewbff: hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))


Team_Randy: Webs what have have u created


LenaDeDone: lmao this should be good


Scrooge_McDuck: What in dismal downs is this?


Team_Randy: ok but u guys have no idea how painful it was to watch him type that


Team_Randy: he legit stood there for like five minutes typing it out with one finger


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: and I thought he was cool


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: shame on u Uncle 


Scrooge_McDuck: I asked a question


Webbi-Dings: I made a family group chat :)


LenaDeDone: y tho


Webbi-Dings: idk just thought it would be nice


LenaDeDone: wait do u have admin rights


Webbi-Dings: ye


LenaDeDone: gimmie


Webbi-Dings has given LenaDeDone admin rights

LenaDeDone has restricted admin rights


Webbi-Dings: gasp


Webbi-Dings: betrayal 


LenaDeDone: hehe


LenaDeDone: nothin personal kid


LenaDeDone: who tf is team_randy btw


Webby-Dings: Louie


LenaDeDone: y tho


Team_Randy: Ottoman Empire spilt up and I’m showing my support


Team_Randy: guys Uncle Scrooge is typing again


Team_Randy: it hurts


LenaDeDone: where’s the rest of the squad at


LenaDeDone: shouldn’t Dewey be being obnoxious @ everyone


JWG4PRESIDENT: he’s making sure LP doesn’t crash


LenaDeDone: wow it almost sounds like he’s being responsible 


JWG4PRESIDENT: he’s doing a terrible job


LenaDeDone: nvm


LenaDeDone: why isn’t LP talking to us tho :(


LenaDeDone: he was here when Web made the 



JWG4PRESIDENT: Oh i don’t know


JWG4PRESIDENT: maybe it’s because he’s flyING THE GOSH DARN PLANE


LenaDeDone: never stopped him before


Scrooge_McDuck: I do not wish to be a part of your youth-full hiking 


Webbi-Dings: hiking?


Team_Randy: he says he meant hijinks


LenaDeDone: autocorrect strikes again 


DuckDad: nice one uncle $


Webbi-Dings: Uncle Donald!!!


Webbi-Dings: Hi!!!!!!


DuckDad: hi Webby


LenaDeDone: lol y is ur name DuckDad


LenaDeDone: r u my dad


DuckDad: one of the boys changed it a couple yrs back and I jus kept it


DuckDad: where are you guys right now?


JWG4President: I think we’re about an hour away


LenaDeDone: get back soon 


LenaDeDone: I’m chillin in Webs room


Team_Randy: why Webs room?


LenaDeDone: Tea time made me get off the kitchen table so she could wash it


DuckDad: you make it sound like you were on the table itself


LenaDeDone: I was bored AF


DuckDad: language




LenaDeDone: omg Huey u suck up


LenaDeDone: hold up since when did good ol Duck papa kno how talk like a cool kidTM


DuckDad: I have 3 kids


LenaDeDone: fair 


Scrooge_McDuck: get me out of this 


DuckDad: no


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: no


Team_Randy: fuck no


Team_Randy: crap I forgot adults were a thing


DuckDad: right lets lay out some ground rules


LenaDeDone: booooooo


Webbi-Dings: ok


DuckDad: 1) no bad language




Webbi-Dings: Louie


Team_Randy: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked rn


LenaDeDone: mood


DuckDad: 2) you’re here to stay


Team_Randy: Uncle Scrooge


Team_Randy: aw heck he’s typing again


LenaDeDone: this place was lit till the fun police made rules


Webbi-Dings: hey look, lit spelt backwards it till!


Webbi-Dings: *is


Team_Randy: that’s pretty lit


DuckDad: 3) What happens on the groupchat stays in the groupchat


LenaDeDone: excuse me


DuckDad: trust me


DuckDad: we had a family groupchat a couple years back


DuckDad: it was awful 


DuckDad: these rules are for your own good


Moon_Moon: ahahaa don’t remind me of that mess XD


DuckDad: it really wasn’t funny 


Moon_Moon: it was tho


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Launchpad says hi


LenaDeDone: wait why is LP flying if Dellas there


Moon_Moon: we have a system 


JWG4PRESIDENT: they had an arm wrestle to decide


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: it was intense


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: LP cried


DuckDad: but he won tho


Moon_Moon: no I won


LenaDeDone: but LPs flying the plane


Moon_Moon: I felt bad 


022 has left “Family Group chat :)”


LenaDeDone: who tf is O22


Webbi-Dings: Granny


LenaDeDone: lmao y is that her name


DuckDad: language


Webbi-Dings: her account is for her work


urnewbff: noooooo not Mrs B :((


urnewbff: add her back please and thank you :))


Webbi-Dings: Lena has to do it


Webbi-Dings: she’s the only one w/ admin rights


Team_Randy: just to clarify


Team_Randy: does rule 3 mean u can’t get us in trouble for stuff in the chat


DuckDad: depends


Moon_Moon: ye


Moon_Moon: the groupchat is a free battle zone


DuckDad: Dell no


Moon_Moon: Dell yes


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I’m with mom


DuckDad: no


Moon_Moon: I will do the face


DuckDad: no


Moon_Mom: I’m face timing u I rn


DuckDad: no


DuckDad: fine


Moon_Moon: :)))


Team_Randy: What did u do


Moon_Moon: the faceTM


Team_Randy: wait so like


Team_Randy: u can’t ground me for groupchat stuff


DuckDad: I can give u extra chores for unrelated reasons


Team_Randy: wow


JWG4PRESIDENT: so it’s fair ground


JWG4PRESIDENT: within reason


DuckDad: yes


DuckDad: only because ur mom is a brat with a need to get her own way


Moon_Moon: wOw


LenaDeDone: I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find ur granny’s account??


Webbi-Dings: Oh yea


Webbi-Dings: it’s for work too so it doesn’t appear when u search for it


Webbi-Dings: ill text u the number


LenaDeDone: kk


Webbi-Dings: but u have to delete the text once u saved it to ur contacts


LenaDeDone: why 


Webbi-Dings: classified 


LenaDeDone: damn


Violet: Why have I been added to this?


DuckDad: you’re family now, there’s no escape


Violet: I doubt my parents would be very happy with me adopting a new family.


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: don’t ur parents like never talk to u


DuckDad: WHAT


Violet: They’re very busy, they’re scientists 


Moon_Moon: u have been adopted by the Father of the Ducks


Moon_Moon: I can feel it


DuckDad: she is correct


Team_Randy: u gotta call him Dad now or we sue u


Violet: I genuinely cannot tell whether you’re kidding or not.


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: were not


Violet: *we’re


Webbi-Dings: Vi I love u but stop typing with prefect grammar it’s scary


Violet: Grammar is incredibly important 


LenaDeDone has added 022 to the group 

LenaDeDone has restricted the ability to leave


LenaDeDone: take that Fish n Chips


022: Webbigail VanderQuack you know perfectly well that my account is strictly for work purposes.


Team_Randy: I could hear that text


Webbi-Dings: please stay??


LenaDeDone: she legit can’t leave 


LenaDeDone: I restricted leaving


LenaDeDone: u can’t leave unless I kick u


022: Why on earth is Lena the one with admin rights?


Webbi-Dings: I was betrayed


022: Excuse me?


JWG4PRESIDENT: Lena asked for admin rights and the restricted Webbys


LenaDeDone: #worthit


Scrooge_McDuck: if I’m stuck here so are you 22


022: Do not expect me to participate in any conversation.


urnewbff: hi Mrs B!!!! :))


urnewbff: talk to us!!! :)))


022: Hello Launchpad


022: Must you insist on having a smiley face in every text?


urnewbff: yes :))))




DuckDad: *FLYING


urnewbff: it’s fine Dewey’s got it covered :))))


DuckDad: WHAT


Moon_Moon: Chill he’s fine




LenaDeDone: This chat is so valid

Chapter Text

LenaDeDone: yall


LenaDeDone: I have admin rights 


JWG4PRESIDENT: you've only just realised?


LenaDeDone: I can do this



LenaDeDone has renamed JWG4PRESIDENT to BigNerd



BigNerd: Why


LenaDeDone: ohohoho


LenaDeDone: everyone else get over here


LenaDeDone: imma have fun


BigNerd: nO


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: plz no change me


BigNerd: Nothing in that sentence was even close to grammatically correct 


LenaDeDone: and why should I not change you 


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: because my name is lit


LenaDeDone: hmmmmmm


LenaDeDone: ur safe


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yay


LenaDeDone: for now


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: nay


Webbi-Dings: Can I keep mine


Webbi-Dings: it's cute :)


LenaDeDone: hmmmmmmmmmm



LenaDeDone has renamed Webbi-Dings to CinnamonRoll



LenaDeDone: nerp


CinnamonRoll: i thought I could trust you


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: lmao


DuckDad: language 


LenaDeDone: do u have like


LenaDeDone: a sweardar


DuckDad: excuse me


LenaDeDone: like a gaydar but for swears


LenaDeDone: or is it an alarm bell or smthn


LenaDeDone: cause every time anyone swears u just get summoned 


DuckDad: call it a superpower


Moon_Moon: it's weird tho cause he swears like a sailor


BigNerd: gee I wonder why


DuckDad: I DO NOT


Team_Randy: oh rlly


Team_Randy: I beg to differ dear uncle



LenaDeDone has renamed Team_Randy to Green_Bean



Green_Bean: why would u do this


LenaDeDone: Gladstone said it and I thought it was pretty fabulous 


Green_Bean: how am I supposed to show my support for our lord and saviour Randy


LenaDeDone: idea


Green_Bean: fear



LenaDeDone has renamed LenaDeDone to ActuallyGod



ActuallyGod: bow down to me peasants


BigNerd: I am begging you to change my name


ActuallyGod: hmmmmm



ActuallyGod has renamed BigNerd to SmolNerd



SmolNerd: I honestly don't know what I was expecting


DuckDad: you kids are something else


Moon_Moon: don't change Dons name


Moon_Moon: he is the father


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: we are all his chirren



ActuallyGod has renamed Moon_Moon to Moon_Mom



Moon_Mom: I feel blessed


ActuallyGod: you should


Duck_Dad: I feel threatened 


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: worry not uncle of mine


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: you are forever the father



ActuallyGod has renamed Violet to PurpleNerd



PurpleNerd: I prefer the term "Intellectual".



ActuallyGod has renamed PurpleNerd to PurpleIntellectual



PurpleIntellectual: Thank you.


CinnamonRoll: why does Vi get what she wants


ActuallyGod: cuz I liked it


ActuallyGod: hmmmm



ActuallyGod has renamed Scrooge_McDuck to MoneyBags



Green_Bean: wow that's creative 


ActuallyGod: stfu


DuckDad: language


022: Your Uncle would like me to tell you that he has had far worse insults than that.



ActuallyGod has renamed MoneyBags to OldMan



022: He has never looked so offended.


ActuallyGod: rlly?


022: No, but he did gasp.


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: hold up


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I thought Mrs B vowed not to talk to us 


ActuallyGod: we r irresistible 


022: I got sick of watching your uncle try and type.


Green_Bean: someone understands my pain



ActuallyGod has renamed 022 to PipPipCheerio



PipPipCheerio: Lena.



ActuallyGod has renamed  PipPipCheerio to TeaTime



TeaTime: Lena De Spell.



ActuallyGod has renamed TeaTime to Big_B



Big_B: You're making it far worse.


ActuallyGod: I'm having fun and being myself and that's what counts



ActuallyGod has renamed Big_B to Tina



Tina: Why?


ActuallyGod: its simple but effective


Green_Bean: like my foot up urabschdk7zo);:*]jdow


ActuallyGod: excuse me


SmolNerd: Mrs B walked in and saw what he was typing


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Mrs B  s n a t c h e d  the phone  


CinnamonRoll: Granny's lecturing him


CinnamonRoll: it isn't pretty


DuckDad: language, Louie


ActuallyGod: he legit didn't say anything


DuckDad: he tried to and that's what counts


Green_Bean: Oh father of the ducks


DuckDad: the answer is probably no


Green_Bean: I would like to report a crime 


DuckDad: what happened????


DuckDad: are you ok???


Green_Bean: Mrs B is not following groupchat rule No.3


Green_Bean: What happens in the groupchat stays in the groupchat


DuckDad: Louie I was worried 


Green_Bean: you should be!


Green_Bean: a heynious crime has been committed!


PurpleIntellectual: *heinous


Green_Bean: whatever


Tina: And just why should I agree to this rule?


Moon_Mom: plot convenience 


Tina: What?


Moon_Mom: What


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yo 


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Vi, Huey and Mrs B should make a perfect grammar squad


ActuallyGod: well call them teh shakespears 


PurpleIntellectual: *we'll


SmolNerd: *Shakespeares 


Tina: *the


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: see?


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: a squad made in heaven 


CinnamonRoll: cool but I'm pretty sure Hueys at a lower level to Violet and Granny


CinnamonRoll: he doesn't use full stops


CinnamonRoll: and he gets memes


ActuallyGod: yea Vi spent like an hour trying to figure out the science behind memes


PurpleIntellectual: They make no sense.


PurpleIntellectual: You showed me one of Lord Quackwad with the letter "E" and a variety of edits on it.


PurpleIntellectual: You seemed to find it hilarious.


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: wow u weren't kidding


SmolNerd: *you


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: omg he's saltyyyyyy


SmolNerd: I am not.


SmolNerd: *salty


Green_Bean: it's ok Hue


Green_Bean: u can be their trainee


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yes


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: you can train with them


PurpleIntellectual: I refuse to be in a group called the "Shakespeares".


ActuallyGod: u don't get a choice 






ActuallyGod has created a new groupchat

ActuallyGod has added PurpleIntellectual, Tina, and SmolNerd

ActuallyGod has named the groupchat "The Shakespeares"


SmolNerd: Jesus Christ


PurpleIntellectual: Why?



AcutallyGod has left “The Shakespeares”



SmolNerd: wow



Tina has left “The Shakespeares”



SmolNerd: how did I not see that one coming


PurpleIntellectual: Because you are not a fully trained intellectual.



PurpleIntellectual has left “The Shakespeares”



SmolNerd: I have been abandoned 


SmolNerd: :(



SmolNerd has left “The Shakespeares”







“Family Group chat :)”


SmolNerd: The Shakespeares have been burnt to ashes


SmolNerd: I was the sole survivor


SmolNerd: Violet and Mrs B didn’t make it out in time


PurpleIntellectual: I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell everyone I was dead.


SmolNerd: Sometimes I can still hear the voices


ActuallyGod: guys the chat was made like ten second ago


ActuallyGod: how is it dead already


SmolNerd: Well


SmolNerd: I wanted to stay, so I could have intelligent conversation 


HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I feel so attacked


SmolNerd: But then Mrs B left


Green_Bean: typical


SmolNerd: Then Violet insulted me, and proceeded to leave


CinnamonRoll: #Outwithabang


SmolNerd: And then I had no choice but to leave :(


ActuallyGod: y didn’t u just add them back u spoon


SmolNerd: you and I both know they would have just left again


ActuallyGod: you could have restricted admin rights and then made it so they couldn’t leave 


ActuallyGod: U spaz


DuckDad: Langauge!!


ActuallyGod: forgive me for my sins father


PurpleIntellectual: Why is restricting people being able to leave even a thing?


Moon_Mom: Plot convenience


PurpleIntellectual: What?


Moon_Mom: What

Chapter Text

OldMan: does anyone know where Donalds hammer is

CinnamonRoll: no

SmolNerd: why??

Green_Bean: for a price

DuckDad: its important

ActuallyGod: why tho

Moon_Mom: I may or may not have gotten it cursed

Moon_Mom: accidentally

Tina: Would it happen to have a a beige handle that’s stuck on with tape, and have drops of what I certainly hope is not blood on it?


DuckDad: WHERE IS IT??

urnewbff: it just flew thru the window :)))

DuckDad: WHAT

urnewbff: dont worry D! we got it! :D

Tina: no we do not

ActuallyGod: oh no

ActuallyGod: she’s not using perfect grammar

ActuallyGod: something’s wrong

urnewbff: she’s fighting the hammer

OldMan: stalk it, we’ll be home in about 10 mins

Tina: I’m going to assume you meant stall.

Tina: I’m stalling a hammer.

Tina: What has my life come to?

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: Greatness

CinnamonRoll: how are you texting and fighting??

urnewbff: were hiding in a bush :(

SmolNerd: *we’re

OldMan: why?

Tina: It appears to have grown a body.

Tina: An abnormally sized body.

urnewbff: it has rlly big fists :0

urnewbff: Duckworth’s here!! :D

DuckDad: what’s he doing?

Tina: Being incredibly annoying.

OldMan: that’s not what he meant and you know it

Tina: I’m not kidding.

Tina: He laughed at us and left.

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: wow

Moon_Mom: we should be home in half an hour tops!


CinnamonRoll: I’m still confused

CinnamonRoll: what’s happening????

OldMan: Della brought Donald’s tool box in case of repairs, and now the hammers been possessed

ActuallyGod: Uncle Scrooge I’m so proud of u

ActuallyGod: ur texting is getting so much faster :)

OldMan: not the time

urnewbff: guys!!!

urnewbff: Mrs b and I got sepereted :,((((

DuckDad: how???

Tina: the hammer crashed in between us

Tina: LP where are you?

Green_Bean: ok so it was weird when u typed with 10/10 spelling n stuff but ngl seeing u text without proper grammar is scary

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: u know it’s bad when Mrs B isn’t typing like Shakespeare

urnewbff: Im in the garage :))))

DuckDad: why don’t you two just call???

Moon_Mom: plot convenience

DuckDad: what

Moon_Mom: whaaaaat

urnewbff: Mrs b!!!!!

urnewbff: how could you say that??? D:

ActuallyGod: yo what’s going down

Green_Bean: what’s this tea

urnewbff: I heard Mrs B say a bad word!! D:

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: omg

ActuallyGod: calm down tea time

CinnamonRoll: Granny!

DuckDad: Beakley plz don’t swear in front of he kids

Moon_Mom: the kids aren’t there tho

DuckDad: sorry, the man child

Tina: …

Tina: I said frick.

ActuallyGod: disgusting

Green_Bean: awfull

SmolNerd: I’m ashamed

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: I thought I could trust u

CinnamonRoll: how is that better

Tina: Not only did that hammer mutant find me, but frick is not a swear.

CinnamonRoll: It’s not???





ActuallyGod: disgraceful behaviour on my Christian minecraft server

Moon_Mom: This groupchat is everything to me

Moon_Mom: we’ll be there in like 5 mins

Moon_Mom: maybe less

Moon_Mom: depends

OldMan: where are you two?

Urnewbff: I’m heading up to the kitchen :D

Tina: Good, I’m underneath the kitchen table.

SmolNerd: excuse me

ActuallyGod: for a spy u have pretty dumb hiding places

Tina: It appears to navigate using smell, not sight.

Tina: The kitchen is full of conflicting smells, the food, utensils etc.

Tina: It’s currently opening drawers to see if I’m inside.

CinnamonRoll: How would you even get into a drawer?

OldMan: it’s happened before

Green_Bean: excuse me

Tina: That was a pocket dimension, not a drawer.

DuckDad: it sure looked like a drawer

Tina: It was not a drawer!

Moon_Mom: pretty sure it was

PurpleIntellectual: I have been silently observing the situation this entire time, and I can conclude that it would be beneficial for you to leave this group chat should the police find reason to search your phone.

ActuallyGod: pretty sure this chat would be the reason they searched the phone

Chapter Text

ActuallyGod: yo

Green_Bean: yo

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: yo

CinnamonRoll: Hi!!

ActuallyGod: dammit webby

Green_Bean: u had one job

CinnamonRoll: What did I do

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: you broke the chain

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: :(

CinnamonRoll: oops

Green_Bean: hey Lena

ActuallyGod: whaaat

Green_Bean: change my name

Green_Bean: or else

AcutallyGod: hmmm

Green_Bean: I will literally pay u

ActuallyGod: u better

CinnamonRoll: can u change mine to??

CinnamonRoll: I want something new!!!

ActuallyGod has renamed Green_Bean to GreenerPastures

GreenerPastures: I want a refund

CinnamonRoll: do me!!!!

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: she means that in more ways than one

HowDoesHeDeweyIt: ;)

ActuallyGod has renamed CinnamonRoll to Pink

Pink: I love it

ActuallyGod has renamed HowDoesHeDeweyIt to Bitch

Bitch: excuse u

GreenerPastures: quick change it before uncle donalds sweardar kicks in


Bitch: lol I keep forgetting u got ur name changed

AcutallyGod: it happened like yesterday

PurpleIntellectual: How on earth could you forget that so fast?

Bitch: leave me alone

Bitch: u meanies


Moon_Mom: whaddup

Moon_Mom: Lena no

ActuallyGod: Lena yes

DuckDad: LENA NO

AcutallyGod: Lena maybe?

Pink: Lena no

ActuallyGod: Lena no

ActuallyGod has renamed Bitch to Bluey

Bluey: This is Biphobia

ActuallyGod: stfu

DuckDad: LENA

ActuallyGod: I have angered the father

SmolNerd: You better run.

GreenerPastures: enough with the grammar

AcutallyGod has renamed DuckDad to TheDuckFather

TheDuckFather: you are not helping yourself

OldMan: What in dismal downs is going on here?

GreenerPastures: *cue the cutscene of Uncle Scrooge at the garage*

Bluey: *which one*

ActuallyGod: *theres like seven*

GreenerPastures: *all of them*

Pink: what are you even doing

Pink: I feel like I’m missing something

SmolNerd: they’re just being special.



SmolNerd: Oh no-

SmolNerd: *Didn’t

PurpleIntellecutal: *Capital

AcutallyGod: where’s Mrs b

AcutallyGod: almost all the Shakespeares are here

GreenerPastures: I’m gonna start paying people to go on this chat more

Pink: yeah we spill some great tea :)

ActuallyGod: *gay tea

Bluey: lol

GreenerPastures: is everyone here gay

Pink: I think so

Pink: lgbt at least

Bluey: ye cause I’m Bi

Bluey: Hueys ace

SmolNerd: #acepride

Bluey: Louie’s Pan

GreenerPastures: if one of u makes a frying pan joke I will freak

AcutallyGod: idea

ActuallyGod has renamed GreenerPastures to FryingPan

FryingPan: wow

Pink: I like Grenerpastares better

Pink: wow that was some great spelling

ActuallyGod: can we get an F in the chat for webbys spelling

AcutallyGod: F

Pink: F

SmolNerd: F

FryingPan: F

Bluey: F

PurpleIntellectual: F??

TheDuckFather: F

Moon_Mom: F

Bluey: anyWAY

Bluey: back to the gay

PurpleIntellectual: Why are you telling us this? We’re already aware of each other’s sexualities

Moon_Mom: plot convenience

Pink: What does that mean??????

Moon_Mom: no ur supposed to say what

Pink: I want answers!!!


AcutallyGod has renamed FryingPan to GreenerPastures

GreenerPastures: Thank you lord lena

Bluey: ahem

Bluey: where was I

Bluey: Lena and Webby are lesbeans

Pink: I like beans!

AcutallyGod: and gorls

Bluey: Uncle Donald is our token disaster Bi

TheDuckFather: I raised you better than this

Moon_Mom: did u tho?

Bluey: so is mom

Moon_Mom: we’re the bi twins

Moon_Mom: the Bi guys

Moon_Mom: I am a genius

Bluey: Uncle Scrooge’s been alive way to long to be straight

Bluey: he’s gotta be like Bi or pan or smthn

OldMan: correct

ActuallyGod: I feel more pride for ur typing than anything else

GreenerPastures: you’ve come so far

SmolNerd: We’re so proud of you.

Pink: :)

Bluey: Launchpad either Bi or pan

Bluey: idk he just goes out with everyone

urnewbff: I’m everyone’s friend :D

ActuallyGod: *boyfriend

Bluey: Vi is gay I think?

PurpleIntellectual: I’m still figuring it out.

Pink: take ur time sis

AcutallyGod: one of us one of us one of us one of us

AcutallyGod: jkjkjkjk

AcutallyGod: u do u

AcutallyGod: u funky lil nerd

Bluey: awww

Bluey: anyway

Bluey: That leaves Mrs b

Bluey: I actually don’t know

AcutallyGod: Webby spill the tea

Pink: idk

Pink: I never asked

Pink: :,(

AcutallyGod: if she’s straight she’s getting kicked

Tina: I’m straight.

Pink: suddenly, out of nowhere, granny!

Bluey: how does she Dewey it?

ActuallyGod: gasp

ActuallyGod has removed Tina from “Family Group chat :)”

Pink: Noooo!!

urnewbff: Not Mrs B!!! :,(

OldMan: Bentina what on earth

GreenerPastures: ikr

GreenerPastures: how can a member of our family be straight

OldMan: she’s not straight!

OldMan: she just wanted out of the chat

AcutallyGod: omg

AcutallyGod: hang on

ActuallyGod has added Tina to “Family Group chat :)”

Tina: It was worth a try.

Bluey: wait so r u straight

Tina: Absolutely not.

ActuallyGod: I knew it

ActuallyGod has renamed “Family Group chat :)” to “The GaysTM”

Pink: beautiful

ActuallyGod has renamed Tina to Lesbean

Lesbean: No.

AcutallyGod: yes

Pink: I approve

Chapter Text

ActuallyGod has renamed ActuallyGod to ExtremeLesbean

ActuallyGod has renamed Lesbean to Tina

Bluey: Noooo

Tina: I can’t believe I’m glad to have this for a name.

Bluey: why u change Granny Gay’s name??

GreenerPastures: GRANNY GAY

ExtremeLesbean has renamed Tina to Granny_Gay

Granny_Gay: No.

Granny_Gay: Hold on-

Bluey: oh no

Granny_Gay: It’s four o’clock in the morning!

ExtremeLesbean: congrats Nanny McPhee

ExtremeLesbean: u can tell the time

Granny_Gay: Bed! Now!

Pink: Granny why are you up at 4

Granny_Gay: That’s not important, all of you get to bed, Now!

ExtremeLesbean: guys I got this it’s fine

ExtremeLesbean has renamed Granny_Gay to Tina

ExtremeLesbean: I have defused the situation

Tina: No you have not.

Bluey: ur changing her name to Tina cause your scared aren’t you

Pink: yeah she is

ExtremeLesbean: umm no

Pink: you legit just said “I’m scared so imma keep her as Tina”

Bluey: busted

ExtremeLesbean: betrayed

Tina: Bed!

Pink: where are u?

Tina: Classified

ExtremeLesbean: ffs

TheDuckFather: LANGUAGE

GreenerPastures: you have summoned him

ExtremeLesbean: Having a spy in the fam has been kind of a letdown tbh

Bluey: yeah like instead of it being all explosions and bad guys, it’s all “yo what’s for dinner” “classified”

SmolNerd: accurate

Moon_Mom: yessss

Moon_Mom: Mrs b ur supposed to be cool

Urnewbff: she is cool!!! >:(

Pink: yes!

TheDuckFather: how do u do it

Moon_Mom: What

TheDuckFather: you’ve managed to anger the kindest people here

Bluey: ur gonna die

GreenerPastures: can we get an f in the chat for mom

GreenerPastures: f

Bluey: f

TheDuckFather: f

SmolNerd: f

Pink: f

OldMan: What is this f?

GreenerPastures: omg Uncle Scrooge XD

Bluey: W h a t i s t h i s f ?

ExtremeLesbean: f in the chat for Uncle Scrooge

OldMan: What????

Pink: f

Bluey: f

PurpleIntellectual: Why do none of the adults on this chat care that it’s four o’clock in the morning?

ExtremeLesbean: Mrs b cared

Bluey: yeah but she’s dabbed out of the chat for now

GreenerPastures: do u think she’s dead

Moon_Mom: I’m pretty sure Mrs B can’t be killed

Moon_Mom: she legit snogged death

ExtremeLesbean: EXCUSE ME

Pink: wait is death a boy or a girl

GreenerPastures: idk they had a big ol hood up and like never talked

SmolNerd: Uncle Scrooge?

ExtremeLesbean: can we talk about how Mrs b had sex with death

TheDuckFather: language

ExtremeLesbean: sex is not a swear calm down

PurpleIntellectual: I’m sorry, but I wish to return to the subject of your grandmother having sex with a ghost?

PurpleIntellectual: How does that even work?

OldMan: Technically the three ghosts don’t have genders, Past and Present have started identifying as male but that’s relatively recent.

ExtremeLesbean: we s t a n non binary ghosts

SmolNerd: How recent?

OldMan: last centaurs or so

SmolNerd: right

ExtremeLesbean: f in the chat for Uncle Scrooge’s spelling

PurpleIntellectual: Not again.

Pink: this is getting old Lena

Pink: f

GreenerPastures: f

Bluey: f

Moon_Mom: f

Urnewbff: wait what was wrong with the spelling :0

ExtremeLesbean has renamed urnewbff to F

F: Bleh? :0

ExtremeLesbean has renamed F to Bleh

Bleh: ? (._.)

GreenerPastures: omg launchpads emoticons are on point

Bleh: (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

Bluey: what a lad

Tina: All of you, bed, now!

TheDuckFather: where even are you

Tina: classified

GreenerPastures: Mrs b I swtg

ExtremeLesbean: I’m throwing myself off the money bin


Chapter Text

Bluey: hey fam

Bluey: fam I’m bored

Bluey: fam

Bluey: don’t ignore me

Bluey: this is Biphobia

Bluey: guys

Bluey: *gays

Bluey: we need to protest against Lena’s admin rights

GreenerPastures: I’m listening

ExtremeLesbean: Absolutely not

ExtremeLesbean has renamed Bluey to No

No: come on

No: it ain’t fair

SmolNerd: This way of life just ain’t it chief

ExtremeLesbean has renamed ExtremeLesbean to Chief

Chief: Yes it is

Pink: Lena no

Chief: does this look like a fuckig democracy to you

TheDuckFather: LENA

Chief: oh come on

Chief: this is getting ridiculous

No: I’m like 90% percent sure that he stalks the chat whenever he gets a notification

GreenerPastures: nah fam it’s magic

Pink: Lena can you at least change Dewey’s name

Pink: no is not a good name

Chief: hmph

Chief has renamed No to TheBlueOne

TheBlueOne: this is an injustice

Chief: webs r u happy

Pink: eh

Chief: after all I’ve done for u

SmolNerd: All you’ve done is confiscate our human rights.

Chief: hush

GreenerPastures: yo can we get the rest of the fam online

TheBlueOne: yas

TheBlueOne: quick someone swear so we can get Uncle Donald

TheDuckFather: no

TheBlueOne: I got him
GreenerPastures: Stayy

TheDuckFather: I never left

TheDuckFather: I’ve been watching

Pink: omg u were right

Pink: he does stalk the chat

GreenerPastures: quick how do we summon the others

SmolNerd: Someone at school beat me up

Moon_Mom: WHAT

TheDuckFather: HUEY ARE YOU OK

Moon_Mom: MY BABY

SmolNerd: There you go

GreenerPastures: lol

GreenerPastures: Wait you didnt use a full stop

SmolNerd: it’s tiring

SmolNerd: I’ve given up

Moon_Mom: wait but is Huey ok

TheDuckFather: yeah they just wanted to get you online

Moon_Mom: how dare you

Moon_Mom: you would use my motherly nature against me?

TheDuckFather: yes they would

Pink: that’s four to left

TheBlueOne: yo where’s my bff

Bleh: I’M HERE :D

TheBlueOne: I got another one

Chief: wait but i thought u and Mrs B were best friends

Bleh: they’re both my best friends!! :D

Pink: awwww

GreenerPastures: WE’VE BEEN ROBBED

TheBlueOne: What

SmolNerd: Excuse me

OldMan: No we havenr

OldMan: I would know

Chief: h a v e n r

GreenerPastures: I got him

GreenerPastures: All yall we got on here have to stay

Moon_Mom: chill we’re still here

TheDuckFather: we’re observing

Moon_Mom: we be chilling in the houseboat

Moon_Mom: was that good

Moon_Mom: I was being hip and down with the kids

TheDuckFather: you’re a disgrace

Moon_Mom: How dare you

Bleh: I’m here to!!! :))))

GreenerPastures: Uncle $ I’ll give u five dollars if you stay

OldMan: I’m a billionaire

GreenerPastures: so u don’t want the money

OldMan: No I’m taking the money

GreenerPastures: then stay

OldMan: fine

OldMan: question

Chief: What

OldMan: why do you insit on calling me Uncle $

TheBlueOne: it’s quicker don’t judge us
Pink: it’s just Granny we have to get now right?




Chief: Granny Gay where u at

Pink: I’m gonna go find her

Pink: you guys get Vi

GreenerPastures: hey can someone explain Quantum Physics

PurpleIntellectual: Did somebody say Quantum Physics?

PurpleIntellectual: Well then,

PurpleIntellectual: ahem

GreenerPastures: wait don’t actually explain Qauntom Physics I just wanted you on the chat

PurpleIntellectual: Why would you betray me like this?

Tina: *Quantum

Chief: congrats webs u got her

Pink: :)

OldMan: how’d they get you

Tina: How do you think?

OldMan: ah

OldMan: the face?

Tina: The face.

Chief: I feel u

TheDuckFather: What did you kids even want us here for

GreenerPastures: for the memes

Chief: we did it for the vine

TheBlueOne: for our lord and saviour Shaggy

SmolNerd: For maximum Homosexuality

Pink: so you can be the yee to our haw

Tina: I speak many languages but this is not one of them.

PurpleIntellectual: Why did you do it for a vine?

Chief: you gotta do it for the vine

Pink: Vi do u know what Vine is

PurpleIntellectual: Of course I do.

PurpleIntellectual: A plant whose stem requires support and which climbs by tendrils or twining or creeps along the ground.

Pink: Vi

Pink: Vi honey

Pink: no