A/N: Most of this chapter is written in italics because it's basically one big flashback. I hope you all enjoy this story! I've been really excited to write it but I don't know if I'll be able to continue if it's not well received tbh. So if you like it please let me know, if not please keep your opinions to yourself! Thanks.
She's nervous as hell as she sits in the dull room of the clinic, legs elevated with her feet in stirrups. The weeks leading up to this replays in her mind as she leans her head back and stares blankly at the ceiling.
She's just shutting down her computer, looking forward to the weekend when Antonio; their sergeant's voice bellows through the bullpen.
"Before we all call it a night, we have one last thing we have to do."
Detective Lindsay's cheeks become tinted pink as her colleagues start singing "Happy Birthday." Feeling uncomfortable, she looks down at her black jacket lying over her arm.
Once they're done singing, she looks around at her fellow detectives—she's a little surprised when she doesn't see her partner and best friend. She scans the room for the green henley he wore today, the one that makes the green in his eyes pop and his arms looked as if they were going to burst through the sleeves. Someone nudges her shoulder, bringing her out of her daze. She looks over her shoulder to discover it was the very person she was just daydreaming about. Jay Halstead has been the bane of her existence since they met at the academy thirteen years ago. A fire ignites over her skin and spreads from her neck down to her toes when he leans in to whisper in her ear.
"Come on Lindsay, blow out your candles so we can have some cake."
She can see his signature smirk in her peripheral right before she closes her eyes and does as he says.
She's just walking out of the clear doors of the district when he jogs up behind her with a small paper plate with his slice of cake on it.
"So what'd you wish for?" He asks as his shoulder brushes hers.
"I thought you weren't going to ask this year."
"I have to keep up the tradition." He states as seriously as he can before grinning at her.
"Well then you know what I'm going to say."
"Do you really believe your wish won't come true if you tell me?" He asks as he finishes his cake.
"I can't risk it." She answers with a smirk and he chuckles.
"Fine. Are you up for getting a drink? You know, for tradition."
"Only if we can skip the bar scene, I'm just not feeling up to it."
"Of course, I'll just meet you at your place."
"Ok, I'm going to stop at the supermarket first."
"I'll supply the drinks."
"I have beer and whiskey at home. I just need a few things."
"Alright I'll see you in a bit." He tosses his keys up a little in his hand and hops in his car.
Erin pulls a box of cereal off the shelf, and just as she turns she kicks something soft. She looks down to find a stuffed bunny. She turns again and sees a woman with toddler seating in the cart. She picks up the pink toy and walks over to the woman.
"Thank you so much." The mother says and little girl giggles as her mom hands the bunny. Erin smiles at the sight of the child hugging the toy.
"No problem." Erin says after a few seconds and then she heads to the self-checkout kiosk. She waits patiently behind another mom with a young baby in her arms. He's looking over his mother's shoulder and smiling at Erin. Her nose scrunches as she smiles at the little blonde baby. A kiosk opens up and Erin moves towards it.
"I was just about to call you."
"Did you miss me?"
"Nah, I just didn't want to finish the whole six pack before you got here." He jokes and she laughs.
They put the groceries away together and he opens the beer bottles for them before they walk to the living room.
She turns on the TV and just leaves an episode of Fixer Upper on; setting the remote back down on the table. He chuckles as she takes a swig of her beer.
"What?" She questions.
"I'm still surprised you're into this stuff, it seems too girlie for you." He replies and she attempts to punch him in the arm but he stops her hand by catching her wrist. He pulls her towards him and their faces end up only a few centimeters apart. He looks just as shocked at their closeness as she does. They both shift their line of sight between the other's lips and eyes before she's pulling away.
After watching a few more episodes of Fixer Upper and finishing off the case of beer, she falls asleep. He cleans up the bottles and pizza box before carrying her to her room. He covers her with her comforter and places a kiss to her forehead whispering against her skin.
Only an hour or so later, she wakes up to go to the bathroom. After washing her hands and walking back to her bed she feels wide awake. She turns her flat screen on just in time to hear a woman talking about her dream nursery as she slowly opens the white door. She mentions how she always imagined her husband putting the nursery together and painting the walls, but she felt like she couldn't wait anymore. Erin feels for the woman and admires the beautiful room before pulling out her laptop.
She spends a few hours researching before falling back to sleep again.
"Erin, are you sure this is something you really want? IVF is expensive and it can be discouraging from what I've heard because it doesn't always take right away." Kim asks as they exit the gym.
"I know. I've done a shit ton of research. It's all I've been able to think about for the last few weeks. Every mother and baby I walk past on the street, every diaper and Johnson & Johnson commercial."
"Have you told Jay?"
"Why would I have to tell Jay?"
"I'm not saying you have to, but he is your partner and one of your best friends. Not to mention you're in love with each other. Do you need me to continue?"
"What about your one day?" Kim asks next, putting up air quotes with her last two words and Erin stops in her tracks. Kim can see the wheels turning in her head. She takes a sip of her coffee as she moves to stand in front of her friend. "Look Erin I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I support whatever you decide, and I'll be crazy excited to become an aunt again but I do think you should tell Jay." She states and Erin nods as she considers her words. Kim steps to the side, and turns around so they can continue walking.
Erin finishes her cup of coffee a couple blocks before they arrive at the station. They scan their access cards and walk the rest of the way to the bullpen, where they're met by Jay and Adam.
"Hey darlin', where's mine?" Adam greets, gesturing towards the cup in his fiancée's hand.
Kim shrugs. "You didn't say you wanted anything."
"I thought I did."
"No you didn't." Kim argues. Jay and Erin chuckle at the exchange between their friends.
Jay wordlessly offers the second coffee cup in his hand to Erin.
"Large, two creams and one sugar." Jay explains.
"Thank you." Erin says as she takes the warm cup.
"Halstead, Ruzek, get these files downstairs, would you." Dawson orders and Jay hands Erin his cup too; knowing she'll just put it on his desk. She and Kim walk to the elevator.
"Maybe he'll be willing to save you some time, money and discomfort and just knock you up himself." Kim jokes as they go to their desks.
Erin elbows her friend lightly and they both chuckle as they each bring their cups to their lips.
The timer dings and snaps her out of it. She takes a deep breath before moving to sit up a little. The doctor comes in to talk to her a little more. She goes straight home and spends the rest of the day in bed; her legs elevated with four of her six pillows.
A week later she goes to work and immediately gets called into their Sergeant's office. She wipes her hands on the front of her jeans.
"Take a seat and relax Erin, I just have a quick question for you." Antonio states.
"I was just made aware that there's an opening in the new S.W.A.T unit."
Erin nods for her boss to continue.
"They've been scouting our team for someone to join this new unit and they asked me who I thought fit best."
"I don't think I'm the right person."
"Then why am I here?"
"I wanted to let you know that they're going to offer the job to Jay." He finally states and she's not sure how to feel as she gets dismissed from the office. Her limbs feel heavy as she slowly makes her way to her desk. Jay gives her a crooked smile as she takes a seat and she gives him a weak grin in return. He doesn't say anything but his furrowed eyebrows silently asks her what's wrong. She answers with a shake of her head and big fake smile. She knows he can see past it but she turns to face her computer just in time to blink back tears.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
They gave him three days to give them an answer, and two have already come and gone. The only thing holding him back is Erin. They've been partners since they graduated from the academy and he can't imagine anyone else having her back. They've both wanted to talk about it but it seems every time one of them goes to bring it up something of greater priority comes up.
After wrapping up their case, Erin looks over at his desk and he turns towards her. His eyebrows knit together and silently ask her what's going on.
"My place or yours?" She asks and he smiles.
"It's up to you." He replies simply.
"I asked you."
"Fine, mine." He says as he stands from his chair.
"What time does the game start tonight?"
"There is no game tonight."
"What? Isn't it the tenth?" Her nose crinkles in confusion.
"The tenth was yesterday."
"Oh then what am I coming over for?"
"I may have recorded it last night."
"Did you already watch it?" She asks.
"Ok I'll see you in a bit" She says and he nods.
He beats her there and takes a shower, knowing she'll use her key to get in when he doesn't answer. When he gets out, he wraps a towel around his waist and walks to his dresser. The sound of glass breaking has him rushing to the kitchen.
"I'm so sorry." Erin says as she grabs the broom and dustpan. Not even looking at him before sweeping up the clear shards.
"It's ok, are you alright?" He asks, concerned, as she dumps the glass into the waste bin. She replaces the broom and dustpan before finally looking at him. She nods and he chuckles as her eyes roam over bare chest and torso.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." She mumbles as she watches a drop of water slowly roll down his tattooed peck and over his abs before disappearing into the fabric of the towel. "I'm fine." She adds. As she looks up at his eyes, he doesn't miss the faint blush on her cheeks.
"Ok well I'm going to get dressed then."
"Ok." She replies almost shyly.
He throws on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants before making his way back out to the kitchen where she is still standing against the white and grey granite of the countertop.
"Did you get your glass of water yet?"
"No, I didn't want to bre-" She begins but he doesn't let her finish, moving to stand right in front of her. Her chest is flush against his abdomen as he reaches over her to grab a glass. When he brings the glass down he looks at her; their breathing seems to get heavier as their eyes meet, neither of them making an attempt to move. Clearing his throat, he hands her the glass and steps back.
"Thanks." She murmurs, and he nods, reaching into the fridge for two brown bottles. He takes the top off of one and offers it to her while she's still filling her glass.
"No thanks." She says.
He looks as if he's going to question her and she takes a deep breath to prepare herself. He places the back of his hand on her forehead.
"What are you doing?" She chuckles.
"I'm just seeing if you're coming down with a fever." He says seriously.
Erin pushes his hand away playfully. "I'm fine Jay, I just don't really want a beer."
He seems to accept it, or so she thinks. But he knows there's something she's not telling him. He also knows that she'll tell him when she's ready. He puts the second bottle back in the fridge and walks around the counter, into the living room.
"So when do you start in your new unit?" She asks as she sits criss cross on the couch.
He stands off to the side, turning the TV on. Her question takes him by surprise; he wasn't expecting her to be the one to bring it up. He sets the remote down before he even turns the game on and sits down next to her. "I haven't taken it yet."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I haven't accepted the position yet."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you first, make sure you're ok with it?"
"Of course I'm ok with it Jay." She says, even if she doesn't believe it herself. "And even if I wasn't I'd hope you would still take the job, this is huge for you."
"Yeah but you're my partner and you've always been my partner."
"And what kind of partner would I be if I knowingly held you back from an opportunity like this?"
"It's just hard to imagine someone else having your back. I'm going to miss working with you."
"Me too, but you need to take this Jay. You're the best person for this job." She says with a smile. He looks away from her and down at the bottle in his hands,; picking at the label. The couch moves a little as she gets up, but he keeps his eyes cast down. She comes back quickly,; standing directly in front of him.
"Call Edwards." She orders while offering him his phone.
"I'll call in the morning."
"Why not call him now?" She questions and he finds it adorable how her eyebrows furrow slightly. "Come on, then we can watch the game."
He takes the phone and lets out a sigh as he dials the numbers. His thumb hovers over the green button before she presses it for him. She also puts it on speaker and the director answers on the second ring.
"What can I do for you Halstead?"
"I called to let you know that I'll-" Jay starts but pauses as he looks up at Erin. Her smile disappears when he gives her a concerned look. She waves her hand to urge him to continue. "I called to accept your offer sir."
"Excellent, you start Monday." The director says, and Erin's heart sinks a little. She's happy for him but she can't lie and say she won't miss him. Jay hangs up and puts the phone down on the table, looking up at her when she doesn't move or say anything. He can see she's processing what they heard and he gives her a minute before his hand reaches for hers and gives it a quick, gentle squeeze, breaking her from her thoughts.
"Hey." He whispers. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm going to miss you." She shrugs, really wishing she could have a beer as she plops down on the cushion next to him.
"It's not like we're never going to see each other, we'll still have this, watching every game like this." He replies.
"Yeah but we're not going to be partners anymore." She says and they're eyes lock on each other's. "It's just going to be weird." She adds as she looks down. He moves closer to her, placing his hand on her knee and squeezing gently.
"You'll always be my first and favorite partner." He whispers into her ear causing her to chuckle sadly. "Always." He repeats, placing a quick kiss to her temple. Eventually they pull apart and Jay picks the remote back up.
Their bodies remain close to each other even as he starts the game. He's the one that falls asleep this time,; the upper half of his body is sunken into the back of the worn leather couch and his head is leaning to the side. She thinks about just covering him with a blanket and sneaking out, but she doesn't want him to be sore so she shakes his shoulder. His long eyelashes flutter before his blue green eyes slowly open.
"Hey, I'm going to head out but I didn't want you to be hurting when you woke up."
"Oh uh, thanks." He mumbles, his voice already laced with sleep. He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
She goes straight to her room to change but she only gets her shoes and pants off before the picture on her nightstand stops her. She sits down on the edge of her bed and picks up the frame, bringing it closer so that the bottom is resting against her stomach. The corners of her lips curl up into a sad smile as she looks down at the old photo. She's sitting on her desk, her arms wrapped loosely around Jay's shoulders as he leans against the desk between her legs. Both of them are facing the camera with huge grins— they had just been promoted to Detectives. She feels some excitement for him now, but there's a hint of sadness too, knowing she won't be seeing his smiling face every day.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
A/N: I've recently decided to take a step back from the CPD fandom, and although I'm almost done writing this fic, my updates won't be nearly as frequent as they've been with previous fics. If I'm feeling inspired and a chapter has been edited then I'll post when I can. Please review! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy!
It's been three weeks since he joined his new team. They just solved their second case, and he's not sure where he's going wrong. He feels that both cases should have been open-and-shut and it bothers him that the unit doesn't seem to listen when he has something to say. This position isn't what he expected but it's not in him to give up.
He shuts down his computer and swipes his phone and keys off of the mahogany desktop as he stands from the black office chair. He lets out a sigh as he turns off the lights in his new office.
The door clicks behind him as he exits the brand new building that is now attached to the back of District Twenty One.
The lobby is buzzing as officers and detectives move around. He quickly makes his way to the door but then he hears her voice—the voice he hasn't heard enough of in the last few weeks—and he puts his arm out to stop the door from shutting. He feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders as she gives him a sweet dimpled smile.
She takes a sip out of her water bottle while she ascends down the last couple steps, her mouth suddenly dry as she takes in his muscular body dressed in all black. She finds it hard to swallow and feels the need to fan herself as she gets closer to him.
"Thanks." She sighs as he holds the door open for her.
"You're welcome." He whispers.
"Long day?" She asks as the elevator slowly starts to move.
He runs his hand down his face as he responds. "You have no idea."
"You want to talk about it?"
"Not here." He jokes and she playfully punches his arm.
"I thought this would be the perfect place." She laughs as they step onto the sidewalk in front of District twenty one.
"I was thinking about grabbing Thai on my way home if you'd like to join me?" She asks as they near the parking lot.
"Sounds good to me." He says and she smiles down shyly.
He holds the bags of food while she unlocks her door. Erin goes to her room to change while he makes them each a plate. Five minutes later, they meet in the living room.
Erin turns the TV on for background noise. "So what's going on with you?"
"I guess this gig just isn't what I expected."
"What'd you expect?"
"I don't know, I didn't think I'd feel so out of place and I usually wouldn't care but how am I supposed to work with them if they won't even talk to me. I even went to Deacon to ask some questions and he told me a few things, and I guess I was just hoping that it'd be more like our unit." He says and she laughs. "What's so funny?"
"Do you remember when we first moved to Intelligence?" She asks with a chuckle. "Everyone hated us, and they weren't shy about letting Dawson know. It took them months to start listening to us and letting us contribute."
"Yeah I guess."
"Just give them some time Jay, they'll come around. And while I understand wanting to talk to a seasoned S.W.A.T officer, this isn't Deacon's unit and the rules and regulations you're accustomed to don't apply anymore. You just need to do your thing and they'll get over themselves eventually." She continues.
They finish eating, and while the news plays quietly on the TV he thinks about her words. Once they're done, they take their plates to the kitchen. His phone rings and vibrates on the counter and he reaches over to grab it, pressing the green button when he sees that it's his mom calling.
"Hey ma." He greets. "No, Erin and I just finished dinner."
"Hi Mama Halstead!" Erin shouts from her spot by the sink and Jay puts the call on speaker.
"Hello sweetheart, how have you been?"
"I've been ok, how about you?"
"I've been pretty good."
"That's good. We'll all have to have dinner sometime soon."
"Yes we should. Let me know when you're free and I'll make you a meatloaf."
Erin yawns and he feels like he should let her go to sleep, even if part of him wants to stay with her.
"I'll bring dessert." Erin adds.
Jay smiles, loving how much his mom adores her and vice versa. "How can I help you ma?"
"I was just calling to check on you."
"Alright, I'm going let Erin go to bed, can I call you back?"
"I'll hold." His mom says and he puts her on mute.
"You don't have to go." She says sadly.
"I know, but I don't want to keep you up. Thank you for dinner and the advice." He replies. She nods as they walk to the door.
"Goodnight Jay." She says with a sad smile.
"Goodnight Er." He says back before he walks towards the stairs. He takes his mom off of mute as he starts down the stairs. The first words out of her mouth had Jay rolling his eyes.
"So have you two gotten together yet?."
"You know it's not like that between us."
"And the only reason it's not like that between you is because of your boss. But you'd work side-by-side around the clock and then you still went to each other's place after closing a case to spend more time together."
"What's your point mom?"
"My point is that you two no longer work together, so what's stopping you now?"
Jay thinks about her words. And then he thinks about what Erin said earlier, about the old rules and regulations not applying anymore. He stops on the stair he's on and turns around to go back up. He waits on the landing of her floor until he's done talking to his mom. She ends the conversation with "I'm going to start planning your wedding." Once they hang up he goes to her door. He nervously wipes his hands on the front of his jeans before knocking. Soon enough he hears the lock click and the door opens.
"Hey, did you forget something?" She asks as she holds up his keys.
"I uh, thanks." He murmurs.
"Is everything ok Jay?" She looks worried and a faint blush tints his cheeks as he thinks of what to say.
He wants to say something. He wants to tell her that they no longer work together. To remind her that those old rules don't apply. But he stops himself.
"Yeah, everything's fine." He answers, his voice a little shaky. "Thanks Erin. Good night." And with that, he turns to leave
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
She walks in the doors of the station and dries her shoes off on the rugs when the smell of coffee wafts up to her nostrils. She can't seem to get to the nearest waste bin fast enough before she's emptying the contents of her stomach. She's not sure how long she hovers over the shiny silver can, but when her stomach stops lurching, she moves to the restroom. She rests her hands on the top of the vanity and looks up at her reflection as she thinks about how the doctor told her that it's rare for it to happen on the first try. She smiles as she looks down at her stomach and places a hand over the black fabric of her jacket.
"Erin?" She hears and moves towards the door. "Hey, are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine." She says as she exits the restroom.
"Are you sure?" Jay asks.
'Not really.' She thinks as she nods, immediately regretting her lie.
They walk towards the stairs together, and the smell of the two coffees he's holding causes her stomach to churn again. She turns to run back to the bathroom. He goes to follow her, but stops at the door.
Jay tells Dawson that Erin is sick, so she gets sent home before she even makes it all the way upstairs. She tries her best to convince her boss that she'll be ok, but he shakes his head and turns her body to face the door, giving her a gentle push.
Jay apologizes and tells her that he'll call to check on her in a little bit. She rolls her eyes at his overprotectiveness letting out a sigh before walking to the door. She only makes it a few feet from the building before she's calling Kim.
An hour later there's a knock at the door. Erin slowly makes her way to open it for her friend who is still dressed in her uniform.
"Ok so I got a couple different kinds of tests, and a few things to drink. Oh, and I got this cute little bear at the checkout." Kim rambles, Erin has to laugh at her friend's excitement. "I can't believe you might be pregnant. This is so excit-"
"Kim, breathe." Erin says jokingly.
"How are you so calm right now?" Kim asks.
Erin just shrugs, grabbing the paper bag from Kim and heading down the hall to the bathroom.
Erin places the third plastic stick on the vanity before she walks out to her room. Kim is sitting on the edge of the bed filding with a small shiny object.
"Why is Jay's badge on your bedroom floor?"
"He must have dropped it last night."
"Mhm. And what was he doing in your room?"
"It probably fell out of his pocket when he went to the bathroom." Erin says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I thought you were going to say that you finally slept together."
"You thought wrong."
"Ok, I'll pretend to believe you."
"You do that. I'm going to check the tests." Erin turns to walk back into the bathroom.
"So did you tell him about everything?" Kim asks, causing Erin to stop and turn towards her.
"No, I wanted to wait and see if there was something to tell."
"You need to tell him either way."
"Can I go look at the tests now?"
"Yes." Kim answers. As she stands from the bed, she watches as Erin picks up and looks at the three tests separately before turning around. "So?" Kim asks as she enters the bathroom.
Erin looks up with a smile and tears in her eyes. "They're positive." Erin states calmly.
Kim squeals, rushing over and giving her friend a hug.
They're both sitting on the edge of the bathtub when Erin's phone rings a few minutes later. She walks out to pick it up and smiles at the name flashing across the screen.
"Hey." She answers.
"Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, I was just doing some things around the apartment."
"I should have known that you wouldn't be taking it easy."
"It's just not in me to take it easy." She jokes and they both chuckle.
"I should be heading back to work." Kim yells from the bedroom doorway.
"Tell Kim I say hi."
"Jay says hi."
"Hi Jay, bye Jay. I'll talk to you later Erin." Kim waves. 'Tell him.' She mouths and Erin nods before Kim walks away.
"Wait Kim." She walks up over to her, and hands her the badge back. "Jay Kim's going to bring you your badge."
"Thanks, I should probably get back to work too; I just wanted to check on you. I'll give you a call later. Get some rest."
"Yes sir." She says with a chuckle.
"I'm serious Erin."
"Ok, bye Jay."
"Bye." He says before she hangs up. Just as she's about to set her phone down a text from Kim comes through.
K-You need to tell him! And then you can have sex with him!
E-Ok bye Kim
Erin rolls her eyes and tosses her phone on the bed. She tells herself that Kim is right, but when sees him again the next day her nerves get the best of her and she keeps quiet.
A week goes by, and even though they've hung out almost every night, she still hasn't told him. But after another conversation with Kim, Erin was reminded that he deserved to know.
She's sitting on his couch picking at the food on her plate when he walks in with a beer bottle in each hand. He offers her one, but she shakes her head until she finishes chewing.
"I thought you said you're feeling better?"
"It comes and goes."
"You promised you'd go to the doctor if the nausea continued. Is it safe to assume you haven't done that?"
"I have to tell you something." She says shyly after placing the plate on the coffee table. She can't look at him, knowing she'll be met with a confused and worried expression. She takes a deep breath before speaking, her voice almost a whisper, "I'm pregnant." She only looks up when she hears him chuckle.
"I'm sorry it just sounded like you said you were pregnant."
"I am Jay, I'm seven weeks pregnant." She looks back down and begins to explain the weeks following her birthday.
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I didn't expect for it to happen so quickly. I thought I had time, the doctor told me that it doesn't usually take the first time. And I understand if you don't want any part-"
"So the only reason you told me is because it took?"
"No." She whispers while she continues to look down. "I-" She begins, but the sigh he lets out stops her.
"I um, I'm going to take a shower." He states as he stands from the couch.
She just nods, blinking back tears as he kisses her forehead and walks to his room. The tears roll down her face as soon as he closes the bathroom door. She takes her plate to the kitchen and grabs her things before leaving.
He stands under the stream of water as his thoughts run wild. He shouldn't have walked away, he shouldn't have reacted the way he did and he feels shame wash over him as if it's mixed with the water coming from the showerhead. He doesn't know what came over him and he ponders until the water runs cold and he steps out to dry off. He had a vision of what that moment would have been like if they were together. Then he realizes that the life he pictured with her, is happening, it just doesn't involve him and he realizes that maybe she's given up on their one day. And in that moment he feels his heart ache in a way like never before.
When he walks out of the bathroom he's not surprised to see that she's gone. He runs a hand through his damp hair and lets out a sigh as he walks to the couch, practically throwing himself down on the dark leather cushions. He's been sitting there for a while when his phone rings. He lets out another sigh as he reaches for it, hitting ignore without even looking at who's calling. He repeats the action when it starts up again. After the third time, he closes his eyes and answers it.
"Is everything ok?"
"Yeah everything is fine." He lies.
"Is it something to do with Erin?"
"How is that your first guess?"
"Because I'm your mother." She says and he chuckles sadly. "And I may have just talked to Erin. She sounded just as sad as you do right now."
"She called and told you?"
"No, I called her to invite her over for dinner Sunday night. I asked her what was wrong and she lied to me like you just did. But then she told me what was going on."
"Well I don't want to talk about it."
"That's ok, we can all talk about it on Sunday."
"Mom," Jay warned.
"No Jay, she's your best friend. And even though you two aren't ready to admit it to each other yet, you love each other. She deserves to know that she has your support."
"I do support her."
"Well you have a poor way of showing it."
"She didn't tell me."
"She did tell you, just not when you would have liked. But did you think that maybe she wanted to wait until there was something to tell you?"
"I thought maybe it'd be with me, I wanted it to be with me mom." He chokes and his mom almost drops the phone. She tries to think of something-anything to say but for the first time in a while she takes a while to think of an appropriate thing to say. She's still thinking when Jay says " I have to go."
"I'll see you Sunday. Love you." She says sternly.
"Love you too ma." He says as he hangs up. He pockets his phone when he stands from the couch. He walks to the counter to grab his keys and slips on some shoes before he leaves his apartment.
He just drives for a while, not heading anywhere in particular. He's not mad at her. In fact, he's happy for her. But he is disappointed that she felt she couldn't tell him and disappointed in himself for holding back. A part of him wonders if she included him in her plans as he drives a little longer, stopping at the book store near his apartment and then going back home.
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
On Sunday night, Erin parks her car in front the yellow and white house she's been to countless times over the last thirteen years. She takes the keys out of the ignition and puts them in her pocket before slowly reaching over to grab the pie she made off of the passenger seat.
Her legs are shaky, and after she knocks gently on the front door her heart races. The white wood swings open and it takes Erin a moment to react; she eventually pulls herself together and gives Mrs. Halstead a soft smile.
"Well come on in, we don't need you catching a cold out here." The older woman states.
Erin nods her head as she steps into her partner's childhood home. His mom takes her by surprise as she turns and gives her a hug. "Congratulations sweetheart."
"How are you feeling?"
"Ok just a little scared and tired. The morning sickness usually starts when I'm getting ready to go to sleep."
"Maybe your doctor can give you something to help?"
"Yeah, I have another appointment on Friday."
Erin doesn't know if it's the family pictures hung on the walls or the smell of a home cooked meal, but there's something about their house that makes her feel like she's back at home in Chicago. She lets the adorable pictures of Jay and Will keep her anxiousness at bay as she slowly follows Mrs. Halstead into the kitchen. When they get to the end of the hall her heart starts to race again. She's surprised that she's not met by her favorite pair of blue green eyes. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion and her heart sinks, thinking she must've really screwed things up between them.
"His unit got a case." His mom somehow read Erin's mind.
Not really sure what to say, Erin just nods and follows Mrs. Halstead into the dining room.
Once they're seated and their plates are made, Jay's mom starts up the conversation again. "So have you two talked since that night?"
"No." Erin answers after she finishes chewing her food. Mrs. Halstead lets out a light chuckle and Erin looks at her confused.
"That's just like Jay. Even when he was a kid he didn't talk about how he was feeling. He'd rather keep things to himself. It only seemed to get worse after he came back from Afghanistan. Just give him some time, he'll come around." She begins, pausing briefly to take a drink. There's a few minutes of silence as they each take a couple bites of their food. "I remember at your graduation, the two of you walked over to Will and I, and just the smile on his face told me that he had changed—for the better. I knew within just a few minutes that he was a different man and the person responsible for that was standing right next to him." She reaches to place a hand over one of Erin's. "You've made him a better man and though he's still not the best at talking about his feelings, he does care." With that, the older woman gets up from the table and takes her plate to the kitchen. Erin pushes the rest of her food around with her fork as she thinks about Mama Halstead's words.
"Are you ready for dessert?"
"This pie looks wonderful dear."
"Thank you. Camille shared another one of her recipes with me the other day and I figured I'd make it for tonight. The original recipe actually called for pecans, but I didn't put any in, just in case Jay wanted some. I know he hates them."
They talk some more as they finish their pieces of pie and then Erin helps with the dishes before she decides to go home.
"Thank you for joining me." Mrs. Halstead says as she gives Erin another hug before handing her a plate of leftovers.
"Thank you for inviting me."
"Of course dear, you know you're always welcome."
"Mom?" Jay calls as he walks in the front door of his childhood home. He follows her voice, moving through the living room and into the dining room. "Hey."
"Hey honey , case closed?"
"Yeah." He answers as he looks into the kitchen.
"Who are the daisies for?"
"I brought some for you and-"
"Erin." She finishes for him.
"Well thank you dear, but you should take both bouquets when you go talk to her tonight."
"One bouquet is enough. And besides, I'm probably not going tonight. Did she even come over?"
His mom nods. "Yeah, she left about a half hour ago."
"How is she?"
"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?"
"Mom." He grumbles as he walks towards the kitchen.
"Jay." She says sternly as she stands to follow him. "The two of you need to talk."
"Yeah, I know, and we will. Just not tonight."
"Why not tonight?"
"Because-" He starts as he reheats the plate his mother made for him.
"Because isn't a good answer."
There's a long pause before he sighs. "What would I say?"
His mom shakes her head. "I don't know, maybe you could tell her how you feel?"
"Feel about what?"
"Start with her pregnancy. Let her know that she has your support." She's interrupted by the ding of the microwave, watching as Jay takes the plate out and walks back into the dining room. "And then tell her how you feel about her."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play coy with me Jay Halstead, I know you're in love with her."
"It doesn't matter how I feel Mom, she obviously doesn't feel the same way. I thought she might have, but when she told me she was pregnant I realized how wrong I was."
"The only thing that's obvious to me is how much you two need each other." She moves to sit next to her son and wraps an arm around him. "How much you love each other."
"I thought that we could start a family together."
"Who says you can't still have that, Jay?"
"I don't know Mom."
"Go see her tonight."
He just nods as he finishes the rest of his food. Once he's done, he takes his plate to the kitchen and cleans it, keeping the same fork to eat a piece of pie.
"Alright dear, well I'm glad you stopped by, but I'm going to head to bed." She places a motherly kiss to his head.
"Ok ma, thanks for dinner. Goodnight."
"Goodnight honey." She walks to the stairs. "Oh and Jay, make sure to take that pie pan to Erin and lock the door behind you."
Jay eats the last of his piece of pie before cleaning the rest of his dirty dishes. He moves to exit the kitchen, reaching for the light switch. His hand stops as his eye catches the photo on the side of the fridge. He smiles at the picture of Erin and him on the day of their graduation, staring at it for a few moments before turning the lights off and continuing on toward the door. He sets the pie pan down on the bench in the entryway so he can put on his shoes. He picks it back up and steps out of the door, shutting it quietly behind him. His keys clink together as he moves them around for the right one. He hears the lock click, but he still turns the knob to make sure it's secure before going to his truck.
He takes a deep breath as he lifts clenched hand to the door, his hand hitting the wood right next to the small gold circle with her apartment number on it. He fidgets in place as he stands there waiting until the door opens slowly and he sees her.
Her hair is wet and hanging down on her shoulders, drops of water soaking the sleeves of her shirt. She gives him a sad, tired look and he wants to scoop her up in his arms, but he feels he'd be crossing a line. So he just stands therewith the pie pan and a couple paper bags in one hand, the other holding the small bouquet against his chest.
They speak in unison as soon as she allows him to come in. She follows behind him to the breakfast bar where he places the bags and the daisies on the counter before turning to face her.
Chapter 6: Chapter 6
He takes a deep breath as he lifts clenched hand up to the door, his hand hitting the wood right next to the small gold circle with her apartment number on it. He fidgets in place as he stands there waiting until the door opens slowly and he sees her.
Her hair is wet and hanging down on her shoulders, drops of water soaking the sleeves of her shirt. She gives him a sad, tired look and he wants to scoop her up in his arms, but he feels he'd be crossing a line. So he just stands there, with the pie pan and a couple paper bags in one, the other holding the small bouquet against his chest.
They speak in unison as soon as she allows him to come in. She follows behind him to the breakfast bar where he places the bags and the daisies on the counter before turning to face her.
"I'm sorry, I know I should have told you." She says as she grabs a vase to put the flowers in and fills it with water.
"Then why didn't you?" The softness in his voice lets her know that he's not mad.
"I don't know, I guess I was just afraid—especially after you took the job."
"What were you afraid of?" He questions and she looks down at her feet; he steps towards her and places two fingers under her chin, pushing up a little to get her to look at him.
"I didn't want to lose you and then I ended up-." She whispers, looking down again.
"You didn't lose me Erin." Jay's words have her looking back up at him, her eyes filling with more tears. "I didn't understand why you felt like you couldn't tell me, especially something that's this big. I couldn't help but feel hurt that you kept it from me." His head hangs low, feeling ashamed of how he acted and what he felt when she told him. "I know it was selfish of me to walk away, I just needed some space. But I'm really happy for you. And I want to be here for you, both of you. If you'll let me of course."
Her mind is going a million miles a minute, his words repeating in her head a few times. She briefly looks at him in awe before she feels her stomach lurch.
"Excuse me." She murmurs as she rushes to the half bath around the corner from the living room. Her knees hit the floor just as the contents of her stomach come up. She doesn't even realize that he's holding her hair until she reaches for some tissue to wipe her mouth. He helps her slowly get to her feet and then moves so she can rinse out her mouth. She takes a few deep breaths before turning to look at him. She gives him a small smile when she sees the worried expression on his face.
"When you're ready I have some things that might help you feel better." He backs away and goes to the living room.
She sits on the couch, crossing her legs before reaching for the glass of water on the table. He moves to bring the bags to her.
She can't believe how quickly her hormones have been knocked out of whack; tears well in her eyes again when she looks in the first bag. She cautiously reaches in to pull out three books, letting the brown paper fall to the floor. She looks at him and he knows that look. She's silently scolding him but he just nods getting her to continue.
"One of the books said that ginger seemed to help with the morning sickness." He explains as she takes the box out. "And I figured you don't have any mugs that aren't made for travel, so I went and bought you some." He adds when she lifts the two mugs he got her out.
"Thank you, but I don't have just travel mugs."
He raises an eyebrow at her. "Really? Where do you keep the regular coffee mugs then?" He asks as seriously as he can but she knows he's only kidding.
She doesn't say anything as she sets the cups down and moves to hug him. "Fine, I don't have any. You seriously shouldn't have done this though Jay, but thank you."
They just stay there in each other's embrace for few more moments. He kisses her head and she slowly looks up at him. There are no words exchanged between them as they lean in slowly, but the sound of her phone ringing breaks them apart a little. He clears his throat and tries to compose himself as if that wasn't just about to happen. They both look a little disappointed as she moves to grab her phone.
She lets out a soft chuckle. "It's my sister."
He picks up the empty bags and takes them to the trash before waving to Erin. She smiles trying to hide the disappointment on her face; he can see right through and gives her a smirk.
"I'll see you tomorrow." He lifts his hand so his thumb is pointed towards the door.
"Hang on a second Nadia." Erin says before putting her sister on mute. She whispers her thanks to Jay, placing a lingering kiss on his cheek, and he's sure she saw that he was blushing as he was leaving. She slowly closes the door and locks it behind him. She's so lost in thoughts of him that she forgets that her sister is on the phone, but she's reminded when her phone rings, signalling that Nadia must have hung up and is now calling her back on her slow walk to the bedroom.
"Was that Jay before? Have you two boned yet?"
"My god Nadia, boned, really?" She plops down on her bed and sinks into the mattress as she leans back.
"What? Don't even try to deny that you're totally in love with him and his body looks amazing. I'm sure the sex would be mind-blowing. Why didn't you just ask him to be your baby daddy?"
"That sounds like something Kim would say, but I wouldn't know what it's like with him. Even if I did I wouldn't be talking about it with my sixteen-year-old sister."
"Why? It's what sisters are for."
"Yeah I'm sure that's exactly what Mom and Dad were thinking when they brought you into the family, that I'd have someone to talk to about my sex life or lack-there-of at some point." She feels her eyelids starting to get heavy so she puts the phone on speaker and sets it on the nightstand next to her bed. She makes herself comfortable and listens to her sister update her on life at home.
Eventually Erin starts to drift, Nadia says goodnight to her when she doesn't respond and then the phone beeps signalling that the call has ended. After that Erin feels she can truly get some sleep.
After the fourth or fifth trip to the bathroom, Erin decides to give the ginger tea Jay got for her a try.
She takes her time drinking it once it's ready and she enjoys the way the warm liquid soothes her throat on the way down. After going to pee, she is able to go back to bed and get some more sleep.
She still feels a little queasy when she wakes up for the day; her stomach churns a little when she sits up in bed, so she quickly makes her way to the bathroom. Once her stomach settles and the nausea subsides, she stands up maybe a little too quickly as she feels a bout of dizziness. She trips on the small rug on her bathroom floor and falls, hitting her head on the corner of the vanity. Her head immediately begins to throb; she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths before she slowly starts getting ready for work. She makes sure her hair covers the small bump near her temple.
She makes some more tea and puts it in one of her travel mugs before heading out for the day.
She's practically dragging her feet through the front lobby of the district; it's like she's moving in slow motion in comparison to the hustle and bustle around her. Then she registers Jay's voice and hears him say something about how tired she looks.
"I look that bad uh?" She quips.
"No, I didn't mean it like that. You… uh… you look great. I just-shit I'm sorry. I just know that you haven't been sleeping the greatest." He rambles nervously and Erin chuckles lightly as he seems to become more flustered by the second. His freckled cheeks turn pink and he drops a few files. She bends to help him pick them up.
"I was kidding Jay, I actually got a good amount of sleep. The tea seemed to help some too, so thank you again." She replies as she stands back up a little too quickly. Her head spins and her legs seem to give out, causing her to fall back a little.
His voice is laced with concern and worry as he catches her, letting the files they just picked up fall to the floor again. "You ok?" He asks as he helps her stand.
"Yeah, I think I just stood up too quickly." She says as she moves to retrieve the tan folders from the floor, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.
He shakes his head and looks her up and down, telling her to leave the files where they are.
"I'm fi-" She counters as he slowly pulls her up. She feels the dizziness return. He keeps one hand on her while picking up the files before guiding her towards the small vacant office off to the side of the elevators.
She protests and she plants her feet.
"You need to sit down." He orders.
"I need to get to my desk so I can work."
"Erin." His voice is stern but his eyebrows are furrowed and his lips forming a slight pout telling her that he's worried.
"Jay." She says right back.
"Fine, your desk can be this one for the day, or maybe you can take a nap on the couch."
"I'm not a child Jay, you don't need to coddle me."
"No, but you are pregnant."
"Shhh." She hushes as she rubs her temples.
"Sorry, but you need to be taking it easy."
"Fine." She doesn't feel like arguing with him, so she just gives in. His hand doesn't leave the small of her back until she's seated on the black leather couch along the side of the office. She rubs her temples more and he notices the blueish purple knot on her forehead.
His hand moves of its own volition, pushing her hair back and looking at the bump a little closer. "Did you hit your head?"
"Yeah, but I'm fine." She states sternly but doesn't pull back or push him away.
He starts to text Dawson to inform him where she is but he stops himself. "Does Dawson know?"
Jay shakes his head. "When do you plan on telling him?"
"When I'm a little further along."
"You don't think you should be telling him now?"
"No, I think I should tell him when I'm ready."
"What if you get sent out into the field?"
"My vest still fits."
"That doesn't mean you should still be using it."
She pinches the bridge of her nose while her other hand is on her hip. "I'm not going to argue about this with you."
"Why would you want to put him or her in danger?" His eyes travel down to her still-flat midsection.
"Despite what you think I can take care of myself."
"I'm not questioning whether or not you can take care of yourself because I know you can." He yells
"You know I'm feeling much better, so I'm going to go to my desk now." She says sarcastically.
"Erin." He says as he gently grabs her arm. "We promised to have each other's back. I just want you to be safe, both of you." His eyes traveling down to her abdomen.
"I promise to be careful." She looks down too and places a hand over her stomach before looking back up at him. "I'll talk to you later." She moves to leave, only making it a few feet before her head spins again. Jay catches her limp body as she falls back, laying her down on the couch. "Call a bus!"
"Erin, Erin hey can you open your eyes for me?" He says with his hand on her cheek as a look of terror flashes across his face.
Chapter 7: Chapter 7
"I promise to be careful." She looks down and places a hand over her stomach before looking back up at him. "I'll talk to you later." She moves to leave, only making it a few feet before her head spins again. Jay catches her limp body as she falls back, laying her down on the couch.
"Call a bus! Erin, Erin can you open your eyes for me?" He says as a terror flashes across his face.
He clutches her hand during the ride to the hospital. He gasps when he sees her eyes flutter open. He can barely understand her when she asks what happened. He gives her his usual grin, but even in her groggy state she can see the tears in his eyes and see through his façade. Suddenly she gasps and her hand shoots to her abdomen.
His eyes glance down at her midsection briefly as he places one of his hands over hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. "They know." He informs her, knowing what she was going to ask.
She nods and takes a couple deep breaths trying to relax just a little, that is until they get to the hospital.
Jay is asked to fill out paperwork and wait outside of the room while the doctor checks Erin's vitals. Her head falls back against the flat pillow on the stiff bed as the nurse wraps the blood pressure cuff around her bicep. She closes her eyes, forcing a few tears to fall, but her free hand is quick to wipe them away.
Jay is standing at the tall desks as he fills out the forms as if they were for him, answering each question with ease. He takes a few brief glances into the exam room wanting to keep an eye on her. But when he sees her hand quickly wipe at her cheeks, he turns and refocuses on the clipboard in front of him; the sooner he finishes the paperwork the sooner he can be by her side. He sighs, seeing his brother move towards him out of the corner of his eye. He knows one of the nurses told him — he expected them to — but he doesn't feel like answering to his brother right now. He slides the clipboard forward some, placing the pen on top of it before looking at his brother.
"Not now Will." He warns and then walks toward Erin's room. He can see that they're done so he gently pushes the door to the side and steps in.
Her hands are clenched in an attempt to stop them from shaking as the doctor begins to explain what happened.
"So it seems that the main reason for you fainting was a combination of you being dehydrated and having low blood sugar. The hormones that come with pregnancy can also cause the dizziness you've been experiencing. I prescribed you some medication to help keep things down so that should help keep you a little more hydrated. And the other one is for your blood sugar. We're giving you some fluids now and you'll be ready to go home in an hour or so, but we do ask that someone stay with you for at least 24 hours to ensure that your symptoms from the concussion don't progress." The doctor looks over at Jay and so does Erin.
"And what about the baby? Is he or she ok?" Worry is evident in Jay's voice and when Erin looks up she can see just how concerned he is; his brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched tight.
The doctor explains that they'll be performing an ultrasound just as the tech walks in and sets up the equipment.
Jay tells her that he'll step outside but when her eyes meet his he can see how scared she is; she's on the verge of tears and when he takes ahold of her hand she intertwines their fingers and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. She doesn't say anything — she doesn't have to — he just nods and sits back down. Their eyes are locked on each other as the tech preps everything.
Jay clears his throat when he notices that they're not using the usual ultrasound equipment. His body language quickly becomes more tense and he fidgets some in his chair.
Erin smirks at him. "You don't have to stay if you're uncomfortable Jay."
"No." He clears his throat again. "I'm good, I was just expecting the regular ultrasound." He whispers as he avoids looking at the long slender probe. His hands begin to sweat, wiping his hand on the front of his pants in quick succession and he seems to become even more uncomfortable when the doctor explains that it's too early on in Erin's pregnancy to do anything but a transvaginal ultrasound. He nods and avoids eye contact with the doctor instead choosing to focus on Erin.
Then the blonde middle aged man tells Erin that she may feel a little discomfort at first. Erin nods just before the transducer is pushed into her body, she lets out a groan of discomfort and her body tenses some.
At first the doctor stays quiet as he seems to stare at the screen and Erin's eyes close, pushing tears to run down her cheeks. Jay's free hand cups her jaw and his thumb gently wipes her tears away. His heart aches for her as the minutes pass by like hours until the doctor finally speaks.
"There we are."
Erin's eyes shoot open and over to the screen as the tech turns it a little. She looks at the screen for a moment before looking back at Jay; his eyes are still fixed on the monitor, staring at the pulsing little grey peanut shape the doctor pointed to. He has a soft smile on his face as his eyes meet hers again. He stands up and leans over to place a kiss to her forehead, careful to avoid the bruised area. His lips linger and Erin closes her eyes again. She tries to savor the moment, the image of her little one still growing inside her, the feeling of his lips, and the smell of his cologne. She wants it to be burned into her memory.
"We're leaving the hospital now." Erin states into the phone. She leans her head back against the head rest and rolls her eyes while Camille lectures her about taking care of herself. She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'll be fine Mom."
Then Camille asks to talk to Jay and Erin looks over at him. "He's driving." But her mom insists on her putting her on speaker, so Erin lets out another sigh and presses the button.
"Yes Mrs. Voight." He runs the hand that's not on the steering wheel down from his nose to his chin.
"Can you do me a favor?" Camille asks and he looks over at Erin briefly.
"Will you stay with her or wait with her until someone else can get there please?" Camille asks.
Thankfully they're stopped at a red light so Jay can gauge Erin's reaction. She shrugs at him, her expression looking both annoyed and embarrassed; he smirks at her before she nods, looking at the now green light as he continues driving.
"Of course." He agrees with a nod of his head.
"Promise me you'll take care of them."
"I promise." He says as he glances at Erin again. Camille says thank you and her goodbyes just as Jays pulls into the parking lot of the pharmacy. She gives him an almost apologetic look and he shakes his head, hoping to let her know she has no reason to be sorry.
"You can just put that stuff on the counter." She says as they enter her apartment.
He was about to question why he wouldn't just put them away but decides against it while he begins putting the assortment of drinks in the fridge.
She takes the medicine the doctor prescribed for her nausea and low blood sugar, finishing her glass of water before refilling it.
"I'm sure you have to get back to work."
"My unit knows to contact me if they need me. Besides I made a promise to your mom."
"She won't even know."
"She'd find out." He argues
She responds with a light chuckle. "She'd only find out if you told her." She smirks and raises her eyebrow at him when he looks surprised.
"No, remember when you promised you'd call in sick that one day when we were rookies and she found out you still went in."
"Yeah I still feel you told her about that."
"Or what about the time you said you'd let me drive and the next time you talked to her she knew that you hadn't?"
"That I know you told her about."
"If I don't stay I'd just call every half hour to check on you."
He interrupts, knowing what her argument will be. "If you turned off your phone or didn't answer then I would just come right back here. So you might as well pick out a restaurant to order from and face the fact that I'm all yours for the next twenty-four hours."
She smiles at him and reluctantly goes to grab the folder of take out menus she keeps in one of the drawers in the kitchen.
They decide to binge watch the newest season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but once the food arrives, Erin is running off to the bathroom every few minutes before being able to get comfortable on the couch next to Jay. Half way through the second episode Erin puts her head on his shoulder and falls asleep. Jay changes the channel knowing she'll be disappointed if he watches without her; he puts on a baseball game. Eventually he decides to move them so they're both laying down which involves her laying half on top of him. Her head has moved from his shoulder to his pec and one of her legs is hooked over his hip and resting in between in his legs. He realizes in that moment that their current position is rather intimate for them and he wonders if she'll be ok with it. He contemplates waking her up so she can go to her bedroom but she looks so peaceful; her nose is nuzzled in the front of his shirt as she cuddles into him more. Her lips are parted slightly and he can feel her soft, warm breaths through the fabric covering his chest. His eyes travel down her sleeping frame and the corners of his lips curl up as he thinks about the little being growing inside of her, picturing a little mini version of her.
After a few innings, Erin begins to stir again. He glances down to see her eyelids fluttering.
She grumbles into his chest asking what time it is, not making any attempt to move. He chuckles with his answer, his chest rumbling beneath her cheek as she rubs her eyes. She hums in response when he tells her the time.
"How are you feeling?"
"Yeah, honestly." He replies and it takes her a minute to answer. He puts two fingers under her chin and pushes up gently so she's looking at him.
"I'm feeling better." She admits quietly.
"Are you sure? I don't need to get you a bucket, do I? I may be able to stomach a lot but I really don't want to be thrown up on Er." He looks at her with a worried expression. He moves his hand from her jaw and rests just behind the small of her back.
She shakes her head and chuckles. "I'm not going to throw up on you Jay."
"So what's going on then?" He asks and she bites her bottom lip and turns her head away from him. "Erin?"
She pushes herself up a little, placing her hands on the couch on either side of him, leaning down so their faces are a couple inches apart. She smirks nervously and he returns a smirk of his own as she looks down at his lips. Then she's leaning in the rest of the way and their lips meet in the softest of kisses. "Thank you for being there today and staying with me now."
"Well I did make a promise to your mom." He jokes and she chuckles as she playfully pushes his shoulder. "But if it means keeping you two safe I would have stayed anyway." He admits, and it has her reattaching their lips for another, more passionate kiss. She ends up sitting in his lap as he sits up, and both of them cup the other's left cheek.
When they break for air she looks down once more hoping he misses the pink tint on her cheeks but he doesn't. He's fighting the urge to tilt her head up to peck her lips, but he leans back against the arm of the couch again instead.
The rest of the day is spent catching up on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. When she's ready to go lay down in bed she takes his hand as she stands and tugs gently, causing him to cautiously stand and follow behind her.
He stands at the threshold of her room, scratching the back of his neck. "I uh…. I can just sleep on the couch or in the spare bedroom."
"I'm sorry." She drops his hand, and takes a step back as she gives him a smirk that fails to hide the fact she's hurt. "The umm…spare bedroom doesn't have a bed but I can get you a couple of pillows and a bigger blanket if you'd be more comfortable on the couch."
"I'm good wherever, I just want you to be comfortable." He cups her jaw and she nods and turns back around as they make their way into her bedroom. She leaves him to go to the bathroom, washing her face and brushing her teeth before she comes back out.
Then he walks past her and into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he gets out she's putting some pillows in the closet before setting two on the chair in the corner of the room. He tells her that she doesn't have to put her extra pillows away and reminds her that he can just sleep on the couch — even though he would really rather not.
"No, it's ok, I want to make sure you have enough room. Besides you make a really good pillow if I need one." She smiles but doesn't realizes she said the last part out loud until she hears him chuckle.
He's thinking that he would be more than okwith being her pillow as she blushes, pulling back the covers and climbing in the bed. He lays down on the other side while she turns the TV on and immediately cuddles into him. He tilts her chin up, the look in his eyes is new but also familiar. She never used to believe in the butterflies feeling, but in this moment they take flight in her stomach and her skin tingles as he leans down to kiss her lips. When he pulls back he places a kiss to her forehead as she lays her head down on his shoulder. She falls asleep quickly and once she does he turns off the TV and the bedside lamp, otherwise he won't sleep. The full moon casts just enough light into her room that he can still see her sleeping peacefully next to him. He chuckles quietly when he hears her light snores.
Not long after he falls asleep, he's woken up by the feeling of her arm moving to lay across his abdomen and her head coming to rest over his heart. His eyes remain closed for a few moments before his heavy lids open so he can look at her. Even in his groggy state he can tell she's still sleeping and he smiles down at her. The position is not much different from their position on the couch earlier. He closes his eyes again as his arm wraps around her back and his hand rests on her side; his muscles flex under her as he pulls her as close as possible and he thinks that he wouldn't mind the rest of his nights being just like this, with her in his arms.