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Ron Deserves Hazard Pay

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“All I’m saying is, if you don’t do something soon I’m going to kill someone, and it might just be you, mate,” Ron said as they stepped into the elevator at the Ministry.

Harry scowled and didn’t respond.

“You lose your shit and turn into a bloody teenager whenever he walks into the room,” Ron continued, unaware or uncaring that they weren’t alone in the elevator. “It’s embarrassing. You should be embarrassed.”

“Would you shut up?” Harry hissed.

“Would you do something already?” Ron responded as they elevator stopped and they walked out. “I’m sick of chemicals oozing all over our work space whenever he’s around.”

Harry grit his teeth. Ron knew damn well that’s not what muggles meant by that kind of chemistry. If he had to explain it one more fucking time—

“Oh, speak of the hazardous chemical himself,” Ron muttered. Malfoy was lounging at Harry’s desk, tilting the chair so far back it looked like it was about to topple over.

Unable to stop himself, Harry straightened his back. “What have I told you about sitting at my desk? This isn’t your office, piss off!”

Ron released a groan that made Harry want to punch him. Malfoy unfolded himself from Harry’s chair and sat on the corner of his desk instead.

“Auror Potter, stumbling into work twenty-two minutes late, how professional,” Malfoy drawled, slapping a bound stack of parchment against his chest the moment he was close enough. “I told you I’d have this report for you this morning, I expected you to be here on time to receive it.”

“I would have come down to your office to collect it,” Harry muttered, throwing it on his desk without looking at it. “Not my fault you like chasing after me.”

“Like I would ever let someone as clumsy as you near my sensitive equipment,” Malfoy snorted as he stood up. “You’ve yet to prove you know how to handle it to my standards.”

“Can’t be that hard,” Harry scoffed, ignoring Ron’s pained sound from across the room. “They hired you after all.”

Malfoy scoffed. “Maybe you should come down sometime, see what a man of talent really looks like in his element.”

“As if you could teach me anything.”

Malfoy leaned close. “I bet I could, if you dared to find out.”

“Go ahead and try,” Harry scoffed. “I dare you.”