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f is for friends | skz chat fic

Chapter Text

-  really? right in front of my salad -



seungmiss keisha: [distant screams]

seungmiss keisha: why are my flamingo shorts in the oven

seungmiss keisha: they’ve actually been burned why-


evil baby: a civil service had to be done


seungmiss keisha: jeongin, what did you do


evil baby: oh it wasn’t me, i’m just saying kudos to whomever did it


owojin: please someone confess he’s running around the apartment forcing himself to cry

owojin: he’s holding a funeral them i-


coffee bean: pics or it didn’t happen


seungmiss keisha: imnotokay(ipromise).mp3


coffee bean:  that’s not what i asked for but o k a y t h e n


bob dunc(h)an: what the hell happened while i was gone

bob dunc(h)an: i left for five minutes to put my pizza pockets in the microwave


evil baby: this is why everyone calls you a dad

evil baby: because you say shit like pizza pockets


seungmiss keisha: we have paused our regularly scheduled grieving session to focus on chans disgraces

seungmiss keisha: you put your whAt in the WHERE NOW


owojin: image.png




evil baby: that’s golden oh my-


bob dunc(h)an: is he

bob dunc(h)an: is he wearing


owojin: the flamingo shorts’ matching shirt on his head?

owojin: yes.


bob dunc(h)an: that is

bob dunc(h)an: such a seungmin thing to do


jisus: what did i miss


evil baby: literally everything


jisus: why do all the interesting things happen when i’m absent

jisus: its like that one time junior year i was sick and beyonce performed in the cafeteria


bob dunc(h)an: that??? never happened????


jisus: that’s what the government wants me to believe


coffee bean: who told you that happened ? ? ? ?


jisus: jeongin


evil baby: because it did happen


seungmiss keisha : yes indeed me and innie gave him a l l the details


evil baby: why would we lie to jisung hyung??


coffee bean: jisung,,, you trusted jeongin

coffee bean: aNND seungmin??


jisus: yes i did what’s your poi-ohhhhh

jisus: the devil and his minion back at it again


seungmiss keisha: why would you call me the devil that’s so mean


evil baby: bold of you to assume you’ve earned the role of the devil


seungmiss keisha: oh so what the child is the boss devil, and i’m the underling minion??


evil baby: yes.


jisus: yeah


coffee bean: obvi


bob dunc(h)an: you’re really asking that


seungmiss keisha: wow okay

seungmiss keisha: at least i got my boyfriend on my side


owojin: oh no i was getting a smoothie so i didn’t respond fast enough

owojin: i agree with everyone else


-  seungmiss keisha has left the chat  -

owojin: tragic.

-  minho's hoe squad  -


felix navidad: OKAY!! so


meanhoe: no One Cares


felix navidad: ouchies


hyunjisus: ouchies? what are you? five??


felix navidad: actually i’m six and a half, get it right
felix navidad: and i’m telling you anywaysss!!

felix navidad: it’s literally the first day of work and i’ve already managed to embarrass myself in front of my crush

felix navidad: i’m hopeless


hyunjisus: that’s the most correct thing you’ve said all day!


felix navidad: suddenly idk a hwang hyunjin


meanhoe: wait you have a crush?

meanhoe: news


hyunjisus: old news he’s had this crush since freshman year


meanhoe: who?


felix navidad: bang chan

felix navidad: aka the loml


meanhoe: oh shit waddup he’s in my calc class

meanhoe: i sat next to him once and then found out Squirrel Boy JIsung was in that class so i moved closer to him


felix navidad: who cares, STORYTIME: i totally died of embarrasment; NOT CLICKBAIT!!!

felix navidad: so you all know how dongju convinced me to work at dunkin with him so he wasn’t alone


hyunjisus: mhm he would constantly complain in the ‘00 line gc


meanhoe: you have a gc? lame.


felix navidad: well i shouldn’t have

felix navidad: i was making a coffee for a customer like normal, it was goin good

felix navidad: then dongmyeong came in


hyunjisus: Oh No


felix navidad: and he brought daehwi  


hyunjisus: OH NO


meanhoe: wait why is this bad?


hyunjisus: we’ll introduce you to son dongmyeong and lee daehwi one day and you’ll understand


felix navidad: well they started being Themselves

felix navidad: and long story short my manager ended up covered in iced coffee :))


hyunjisus: how is that embarrassing yourself in front of changbin????


meanhoe: give him a second he’s slow he’ll understand in a sec


hyunjisus: i can’t figure it out...

hyunjisus: i don’t get it-


felix navidad: *sigh* it’s because ur pretty


hyunjisus: OH WAIT

hyunjisus: HE’S THE ICED COFFEE!!


meanhoe: and here i present you with hyunjins last two brain cells, dumb and dumber


hyunjisus: ?


meanhoe: dumbass chan is felix’s manager

meanhoe: the one that got covered in coffee


hyunjisus: ohh that makes sense

hyunjisus:  i was wondering why felix had a crush on coffee


felix navidad: ugh! back to my issue

felix navidad: what do i do??


hyunjisus: idk he probably didn’t even care tbh

hyunjisus: worst case scenario he like laughed at ur stupidity and thought ur singular brain cell was cute


meanhoe: chan is literally the brightest ball of pure sunshine


felix navidad: sigh

felix navidad: okay i’ll trust you

felix navidad: thank


-  really? right in front of my salad  -


evil baby: so i found out today that if you kill someone in international waters, on an uncharted boat, and dump the body overboard they can’t trace it back to any one legal system so you won’t get prosecuted for the murder


jisus: so what did every normal person do today


bob dunc(h)an: jeongin what the heck


seungmiss keisha: i don’t know if i should be intrigued, concerned, or impressed


owojin: how did you even manage to figure this out ??


coffee bean: i mean, he’s not wrong


evil baby: i was in criminal justice today and we were discussing if there was a way to get away with murder

evil baby: so this really cute freckled kid started talking about it and that’s all i remember from class today


bob dunc(h)an: i have

bob dunc(h)an: so many concerns


jisus: chan

jisus: you’re not only dating this, but living with it


bob dunc(h)an: please don’t remind me

bob dunc(h)an: i have to sleep next to him tonight. alone.


coffee bean: how could a cute little ball of fluff be so so terrifyingly evil


evil baby: my user is evil baby for a reason


seungmiss keisha: it all makes sense now


jisus: did you seriously not understand that until n o w  


seungmiss keisha: yeah i was always really confused because his user doesn’t involve his name in anyway like everyone else's but you all just immediately knew who he was when i added him


owojin: seungmin you’re so stupid

owojin: that’s like almost jisung level stupid


seungmiss keisha: i fELT THAT

jisus: yOu felt that???

jisus: yOUR PRIDE
jisus: i am disgusted

jisus: i am revolted

jisus: i dedicate my entire life to our lord and saviour jesus christ and THIS is the thanks i get


bob dunc(h)an: jisung

bob dunc(h)an: our calc teacher asked you what the limit was when x approaches zero and you said shrimp ramen.


jisus: your point?


seungmiss keisha: why would you say shrimp ramen??


jisus: because it’s the better ramen?


-  seungmiss keisha has kicked jisus from the chat  -


seungmiss keisha: my finger slipped


evil baby: no it didn’t


seungmiss keisha: no it really didn’t


-  coffee bean added jisus to the chat  -


coffee bean: chan has a story!!!


bob dunc(h)an: dammit bin i told you this in confidence

bob dunc(h)an: does the 3rachet pact mean n o t h i n g to you??


coffee bean: no not really


jisus: i am Hurt


coffee bean: hi i’m seo changbin


jisus: fair enough


bob dunc(h)an: continue.


seungmiss keisha: stop ur gay threesome and spill the tea


owojin: what minnie meant to say was, please take ur poly relationship to ur dumb siriranch chat and tell us ur story :))


evil baby: you told binne but not me :((


coffee bean: dammit chan, look what you did

coffee bean: you made the baby sad


bob dunc(h)an: i’m sorry darling i’ll tell the story now

bob dunc(h)an: we got a new worker at dunkin today, and you guys know lee felix?


evil baby: the one that likes you? :/


seungmiss keisha: the one changbin has a big phat gay crush on?

bob dunc(h)an: mhm that one…

bob dunc(h)an: well he was on counter duty today,and tbh he was doing pretty good

bob dunc(h)an: then these two loud kids showed up and long story short i had to take my break early to clean iced latte out of my hair


jisus: I’M



bob dunc(h)an: he looked so embarrassed and scared :(( i felt bad


seungmiss keisha: poor kid :(


evil baby: hm, sucks for him


coffee bean: is that Jealousy i smell

coffee bean: fresh and Ripe


owojin: awe our little baby is jewous


evil baby: i am NOT

evil baby: it’s just,

evil baby: he should have done his job and not spilt the coffee

evil baby: sucks to suck sometimes…


bob dunc(h)an: ur so cute when ur jelly


jisus: yeah, you make this pouty face and you’re face gets all pink


bob dunc(h)an: *your


jisus: you literally just used ‘ur’ and your correcting my grammer?


owojin: *you’re


jisus: i hate this family


seungmiss keisha: we hate you too


-   seungmiss keisha has kicked jisus from the chat  -


evil baby: seungmin!!

evil baby: stop kicking jisung from the chat


seungmiss keisha: you can’t tell me what to do

seungmiss keisha: you’re two years old


evil baby: channie!!


bob dunc(h)an: yes baby


evil baby: tell seungie to stop kicking jisung from the chat, and add him back in


bob dunc(h)an: seungmin, stop


-  bobdunc(h)an added jisus to the chat  -


seungmiss keisha: ugh foiled by the baby and his grandpa boyfriend


jisus: seungmin, you’re literally only a few months older than him, and ur boyf is Grandpa as well


owojin: hey!!

owojin: i am not a grandpa

owojin: i’m hip and cool like all the kids


seungmiss keisha: babe, no

seungmiss keisha: please stop i’m begging you


coffee bean: i am disgusted

coffee bean: i am revolted

coffee bean: i dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior, jesus christ, and this is the thanks i get?


evil baby: guys!!!

evil baby: can i add my new friend into the gc?


jisus: why should we allow it??


evil baby : he just transferred to my school last month and he’s sad that his only friends are his brother and this other guy in his dance class


owojin: awe of course!


bob dunc(h)an: you don’t have to ask love


seungmiss keisha: no, i don’t like people.


evil baby: seungmin, it’s hyunjin…


seungmiss keisha: well that’s all you had to say


-  seungmiss keisha added hyunjisus to the chat  -


evil baby: seungmin!!!

evil baby: i wanted to do it!!


seungmiss keisha: sucks doesn’t it.


hyunjisus: uhhh??


evil baby: hyunjinnie!! this is the gc i was telling you about, seungmin just added you instead of me :((


coffee bean: yo, i’m changbin, i’m a freshman at the local uni


owojin: hello, i’m woojin

owojin: i, as well, am go to the local uni but i’m a sophomore :)


jisus: i’m jisung, i’m a senior in highschool but i’m never there bc i take most of my classes at the college

jisus: WAIT

jisus: hyunjisus


hyunjisus: jisus


jisus: *spiderman meme*


hyunjisus: *spiderman meme*


jisus: okay i like this one, he can stay


bob dunc(h)an: hi!! i’m chan, i’m a sophomore at the local uni :)


evil baby: then you already know me and minnie


seungmiss keisha: yee yee


hyunjisus: hello everyone!!


evil baby: would you want to add your brother and your dance friend to the chat as well so ur not alone?


hyunjisus: would that be okay??


coffee bean: no i hate people


seungmiss keisha: ^^


owojin: ignore them, of course it’s okay


hyunjisus: awesome!! let me go check with them real quick


-  minhos hoe squad  -


hyunjisus: hey hey hey

hyunjisus: how would you guys like to be added into my other group chat!!


meanhoe: there’s another group chat

meanhoe: you’re,,,, cheating on me??

meanhoe: i thought we had a loyal loving relationship :’(


felix navidad: minho do you even know what the words loyal and relationship mean or are you just using them because it’s what sounds good


meanhoe: i don’t enjoy this blatant disrespect and harassment

meanhoe: but i’ll take the second option for 500 steve


hyunjisus: yes or no?

hyunjisus: i need an answer soon they’re waiting!!


felix navidad: sure why not


meanhoe: it doesn’t matter what i say, i know you’ll do it anyway just to spite me


hyunjisus: ah, dear brother you know me so well


meanhoe: *sigh*


-  really? right in front of my salad  -


-  hyunjisus added felix navidad and meanhoe to the chat  -


hyunjisus: this is my best dancey dance friend felix

hyunjisus: and literally my only sibling minho


meanhoe: i’m his favorite brother


hyunjisus: you’re my only brother


meanhoe: yep, that makes me the favorite by default


jisus: my sister says that same thing!!


bob dunc(h)an: mine does too lol


felix navidad: hyunjin i will End You.


meanhoe: hyunjin you’re a dead man.

hyunjisus: rip,

Chapter Text

-  really? right in front of my salad  -


evil baby: okay bitches le le le les get it

evil baby: channie start intros


jisus: this our intro turn up with our intro


seungmiss keisha: jisung this is why i kick you from the chat every 5.2 seconds and why you can’t keep a boyfriend


jisus: actually, i could keep a boyfriend but commitment scares me

jisus: lols *peace sign to hide my depression*


meanhoe: okay, mood


evil baby: where the hell is christopher bang??


owojin: jeongin if you curse one more time i’ll defenestrate you

owojin: this is a kid friendly and dad approved chat


bob dunc(h)an: *sigh*

bob dunc(h)an: i can’t believe i’m friends with you jeongin


-  private chat; evil baby and bob dunc(h)an  -


evil baby: friends huh?

evil baby: damn i see how it is


bob dunc(h)an: shut up i don’t want felix to know we’re dating…


evil baby: oh

evil baby: okay then i get it


bob dunc(h)an: babe no you know it’s not like that

bob dunc(h)an: i just feel bad, and it’ll be even more awkward at work if he finds out over a group chat

bob dunc(h)an: can we just set him up with someone and then tell him??


evil baby: yeah okay that makes sense


bob dunc(h)an: you’re not mad right?


evil baby: no, no i’m not i promise


bob dunc(h)an: okay, i’ll see you when i get home

bob dunc(h)an: i love you


evil baby: i love you too <3


-  really? right in front of my salad  -


bob dunc(h)an: okay then, i’m bang chan/ chris, 21, i’m a sophomore at the local uni nd i’m majoring in psychology and music production and i minor in criminology  :)) i am pansexual and i do music stuff. i guess.

bob dunc(h)an:

bob dunc(h)an: ^^ das my face


evil baby: thank you for telling us, we never would have known


felix navidad: damn you take on a lot of work


evil baby: you have no idea


jisus: what order are we gonna go in?


owojin: well after chan why don’t we do oldest to youngest with the ogs then the new kids can do oldest to youngest


seungmiss keisha: great idea!


jisus: smh you just said that because he’s ur


seungmiss keisha: jisung don’t do it


-  private chat; owojin and seungmiss keisha  -


owojin: why did u not want the new boys to know we’re dating


seungmiss keisha:

seungmiss keisha: please please don’t hate me


owojin: baby you know i could never


seungmiss keisha: remember how i was talking about the pretty new boy in my history class?


owojin: that’s hyunjin?


seungmiss keisha: yeah

seungmiss keisha: and


owojin: you have a crush on him??


seungmiss keisha: yeah kinda…

seungmiss keisha: but that doesn’t mean i don’t love you still!!


owojin: it’s okay i get it

owojin: this changes nothing okay? don’t worry


seungmiss keisha: ur the best boyfriend in the whole world i love you


owojin: i love you too


-  really? right in front of my salad  -


owojin:  hi i’m kim woojin, 21, and i go to university with chan, also a sophomore. i’m majoring in philosophy and astronomy :3 i’m panromantic



hyunjisus: wow ur really cute

hyunjisus: i mean wow cool philosophy and astronomy, ur pretty smart


owojin: thanks :)


coffee bean: *sigh* i’m drowning in shit for our mock case so uhh sorry new guys but this is all ur gettin from me

coffee bean: heyhi i’m changbin, 19 freshman in college, i’m majoring in criminology and psychology, i produce music and kinda rap with chan and jisungie, and i like really badly-made low budget horror movies

coffee bean: i’m kinda gay

coffee bean: also, face

coffee bean:


bob dunc(h)an: don’t stress urself out too much bin :(

bob dunc(h)an: i’ll bring you food and help you run through it later!!


coffee bean: thanks beb ily mwah

coffee bean: bye everyone :*


evil baby: he must be really stressed he isn’t nice to us


jisus: hi i’m han jisung, 18, nd i’m from malaysia!! i’m a senior but i take everything except for my arts classes at the college, i like history a lot, and uh i do music nd ballet stuffs kinda


jisus: ^^sorry for ur eyes


meanhoe: ‘sorry’

meanhoe: ur literally one of the cutest boys ever shuddup


jisus: o-oh


seungmiss keisha: jisung did you just stutter over text? that’s so cringey…


jisus: sorry!!! i’m a Panicked Gay

jisus: oh yeah! i’m bi btw


seungmiss keisha: im kim seungmin and i like singing and writing. also i’m bi and i love my dog <3 i’m a junior and i’m 17

seungmiss keisha:


hyunjisus: ur cute too

hyunjisus: but i’ve already told you this ;*


seungmiss keisha: o-okay then


jisus: *seungmins annoying voice* ‘did you just stutter over text that’s sooooo cringey’


seungmiss keisha: shut it, actual baby jeongin it’s ur turn!!


evil baby:  i’m yang jeongin, 16, and i never fucking learned how to read

evil baby:  i’m the ONLY sophomore :(( i like singing and dancing and oversized sweaters uwu

evil baby: 


owojin: literally what did i just say about cursing


jisus: oh shit innie boutta get yeeted out a window


seungmiss keisha: oo jisung just cussed


jisus: i said shit


seungmiss keisha: ur on thin fuckin ice kid

seungmiss keisha: wait-


owojin: ur all gonna die horribly and brutally when you least expect it


seungmiss keisha: shit i gotta sleep in the same house as that tonight…


bob dunc(h)an: ya’ll let the newbies introduce themselves damn


meanhoe: yo yo i’m lee minho, 20, i’m a sophomore in college, i’m majoring in history, i kinda dance sometimes, and i’m bi



jisus: wow okay hi

jisus: u have a nice face


meanhoe: thanks cutie


hyunjisus: ew minho stop being gay

hyunjisus: hi i’m hwang hyunjin i’m a senior i’m 18 dance i like and i gay



owojin: wow minnie was right you are cute


hyunjisus: t-thanks


evil baby: wow we really finding out who the panicked gays are today huh


bob dunc(h)an: be quiet jeongin


evil baby: y-yes sir


jisus: ha jeongin tries to be cool but he isn’t


evil baby: shut the up fuck jisung


owojin: jeongin!!


evil baby: fuck ya chicken strips.


felix navidad: uh, hi i’m lee felix, i’m 18 and a senior in highschool. i love dance a lot a lot and i’m kinda gay. i rap and sing, but not very good

felix navidad: 


meanhoe: 1. he’s good at rapping and singing dont Let Him Lie

meanhoe: 2. he’s actually satan don’t Let Him Deceive


jisus: we already have Actual Satan


owojin: and Actual Satan’s sidekick Kinda Satan


bob dunc(h)an: he can't be that bad Look at those freckles!!


hyunjisus: who could be worse than lee felix?


evil baby: hi, Actual Satan at your service :))

bob dunc(h)an: as the man that lives with him and deals with him 25/8 i can attest to that

bob dunc(h)an: he’s cute as heck but the evilest little ball of fluff i’ve ever met


evil baby: you chose this dummy


bob dunc(h)an: *sigh*


jisus: OKAY stop being gay


-  minhos hoes  -


felix navidad: i have Zero chances


meanhoe: why do you say that


felix navidad: chan is obviously dating the jeongin kid

felix navidad: if not, then they’re about to date


hyunjisus: no they’re not, innie would have told me

hyunjisus: i’m sure of it


felix navidad: hyunjin do you

felix navidad: do you like jeongin…


hyunjisus: no@!


meanhoe: he does

meanhoe: that is gay panic in it’s ripest form


hyunjisus: never say ‘ripest form’ ever again please


meanhoe: if they’re dating chan wouldn’t have called jeongin his friend

meanhoe: and jeongin seems like the jealous overprotective type..


hyunjisus: ^^ i’m sure if they were dating innie would have made sure EVERYONE knew


felix navidad: ig ur right

felix navidad: i still am not telling chan


hyunjisus: i feel you

hyunjisus: i’m never telling jeongin


meanhoe: [strangled screams]

meanhoe: you both are hopeless


-  really? right in front of my salad  -


-  evil baby changed the name to ‘satanic circle? more like GAYtanic circle  -


evil baby: we’re all evil assholes it’s fitting

evil baby: change the name and i End You


meanhoe: is he always like this?


jisus: yeah it’s some weird power trip


seungmiss keisha: you get used to it after a while


owojin: it’s probably not healthy but since when do we care


evil baby: do not bother yourselves with the happenings of the upper powers you mere mortals


jisus: on that note i’m droppin out, i gotta calc test i have to study for!


bob dunc(h)an: oh shoot that’s right we have that,,,

bob dunc(h)an: i provide my dorm and the books and you provide snacks and ur genius little squirrel brain??


jisus: one step ahead of you channie i’m at cvs


meanhoe: hey so wild, i’m in ur calc class as well and you guys always do really well on the tests but i don’t bc i suck at math and studying for anything that isn’t history

meanhoe: could i study with you guys?? if i fail this next test i might lose my scholarship...


jisus: of course!!


bob dunc(h)an: yeah of course!!


meanhoe: god bless america

meanhoe: pm me ur address and i’ll bring sodas :)


evil baby: oldies studying


seungmiss keisha: jeongin we have an ap bio test to study for


evil baby: oh shit waddup i forgot about that

evil baby: minnie and jinnie, my house don’t be late losers


hyjisus: kk i’m bringing felix


felix navidad- oof


evil baby: good luck studying everyone!!

Chapter Text

-  satanic circle? more like GAYtanic circle  -


felix navidad: who’s bringing snacks to practice because i’m broke and hungry.

felix navidad: oh shit wrong chat, soz


coffee bean: ?


hyunjisus: he meant to text minhos hoes aka our dance gc, but felix has .5 braincell


jisus: you have a group chat named ‘minho's hoes’??


meanhoe: yeah, wanna be added (;


evil baby thas kinda gay…


seungmiss keisha: literally says you

seungmiss keisha: i’ve seen ur search history

seungmiss keisha: i’ve Talked to ur boyfriend


evil baby you WHAT NOW-


bob dunc(h)an: hahahaha so felix ur hungry? want me to bring you food???


meanhoe: wtf just happened??


jisus: lol pm me


owojin: oof


-  private chat; meanhoe and jisus  -


meanhoe: ???


jisus: chan and jeongin are dating and have been for like three years

jisus: jeongin even lives with chan


meanhoe: then why didn’t they tell us?

meanhoe: and why did chan call jeongin his friend?


jisus: bc chan knows felix likes him and doesn’t want him to find out over the groupchat


meanhoe: oofie

meanhoe: i told both hyunnie and lix that they had nothing to worry about


jisus: well they better find someone else to be gay for bc both boyos are taken

jisus: lols this is the Reason why i don’t get crushes


meanhoe: mood-


-  satanic circle? more like GAYtanic circle  -


hyunjisus: you have a boyfriend?


evil baby no.


felix navidad: seungmin literally just said?


evil baby i mean yes? Kinda??


meanhoe: hmm who is it?


bob dunc(h)an: minho i will castrate you.


coffee bean: please don’t castrate anyone


evil baby haha don’t even worry about it…


hyunjisus: how long have you had a boyfriend?


evil baby almost three years??


hyunjisus: oh

hyunjisus: cool


meanhoe: oH cOoL


hyunjisus: any whomst’d

hyunjisus: who wants to provide snacks for three broke boys that need to dance?


owojin: well, just a simple suggestion

owojin: what if we all went out to eat somewhere??


felix navidad: you payin my guy?


seungmiss keisha: ^^


owojin: i will pay for seungmin and hyunjin, the rest of you can suffer


hyunjisus: yays!!

hyunjisus: ty woojinnie :**


jisus: woojin is biased


evil baby blasphemy

evil baby i’m not going.


jisus: ^^


bob dunc(h)an: jeongin i’ll pay for you


evil baby mwah-hehehehe


seungmiss keisha: what the actual-


jisus: hey channiieee :)


bob dunc(h)an: no.


jisus: D:


hyunjisus: what the fuck is that


jisus: :C


felix navidad: please Stop


evil baby back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up

evil baby only i call him that


owojin: does literally no one care about the No Cursing rule???


hyunjisus: Suck My Toe


meanhoe: jisung, my money will go towards ur nutrition


jisus: why couldn’t you just say it normally


felix navidad: me, the brokest bitch

felix navidad: the one who asked


coffee bean: i’ll pay for you if you shut up


felix navidad: deal :))

owojin: great so glad we could plan that out

Chapter Text

-  really? right in front of my salad  -




owojin: oh god


coffee bean: HIDE


hyunjisus: he’s here


meanhoe: GUESS WHAT


evil baby: marty i’m scared


bob dunc(h)an: me too jan


felix navidad: oh no prepare yourselves




jisus: FUCK YEAH IT IS!!


evil baby: oh no

evil baby: not him too


seungmiss keisha: and here i present gay and gayer


meanhoe: which one am i


felix navidad: yes.


evil baby: why are you so loud so early.


meanhoe: it’s literally 12 o’ clock??


evil baby: did i stutter??


owojin: jeongin literally NEVER sleeps

owojin: chan works a lot and doesn’t sleep but he takes well placed naps


jisus: yeah jeongin just

jisus: stays up til 4 then wakes up no earlier that 12


seungmiss keisha: i went over once at 16:30 and he was still clocked out


evil baby: stop Exposing me

evil baby: i don’t like it :/


hyunjisus: innie you need to get sleep that’s not healthy bab :(


bob dunc(h)an: i’ve literally been telling him that for YEARS


coffee bean: o h d e a r

coffee bean: Here We Go Again


evil baby: lets Not and say we did


jisus: ^^


meanhoe: ^^^^

meanhoe: i just wanted to be gay ://


-  minho's hoe squad  -


hyunjisus: lixie r u gonna do it??


felix navidad: i’m gonna text him because i’m Scared


meanhoe: i am confussion

meanhoe: australia essplain


hyunjisus: in honor of pride month lix is confessing his feelings to chan


felix navidad: hyunnie was gonna confess to jeongin but,, yeah yaknow


meanhoe: o h

meanhoe: well Then


felix navidad: what?


meanhoe: gimme a sec


-  private chat; minhoney and jisweety - 


minhoney: SOS

minhoney: IM CALLINF IT

minhoney: PLEASE JI 911


jisweety: wHat


minhoney: lix is fonnna tell chan his feelings

minhoney: this isnof ojay

minhoney: plwasr whatdo i di


jisweety: minnie calm down ur making typos


minhoney: do i just tell him?

minhoney: can i??


jisweety: min he’d get mad and hurt that u knew and didn’t tell him


minhoney: fuxk ur right

minhoney: is gonna hurt him so bad tho


jisweety: it’s gonna hurt him either way honey calm down


minhoney: ur right


jisweety: do you want me to call u to hel u calm down


minhoney: yes please


jisweety: okay lovely give me one sec


minhoney: thank you


-  minho's hoe squad -


felix navidad: i’m doing it.


-  private chat; aussie son and aussie dad  -


aussie son: hey channie i was going to tell you this in person but i’m a little bitch


aussie dad: what is it fe?


aussie son: i kinda sorta

aussie son: haveabigfatgaycrushonyoubutitscoolifudontfeelthesams


aussie dad: oh


aussie son: yeah

delivered 12:57 pm


-  private chat; daddy Daddy™️ and babi  -


daddy Daddy™️: felix just confessed to me.


babi: excuse the butts outta me


daddy Daddy™️: yeah what do i do


babi: fell him you have a boyfriend??

babi: because hI HELLO


daddy Daddy™️: i don’t want to hurt him


babi: christopher andrew bang if you do not tell that poor boy that we are dating and LITERALLY LIVE TOGETHER you will be sleeping on the couch indefinitely

babi: and caramel and hazelnut will sleep with me.


daddy Daddy™️: nOt the kittens D:

daddy Daddy™️: fiiine i’ll tell him


babi: thank you i love you bring me mochi from the store or i’ll defenestrate you


daddy Daddy™️: yeah yeah i know i love you too

daddy Daddy™️: why do you threaten me so much dang :/


-  private chat; aussie dad and aussie son  -


aussie dad: so here’s the thing


aussie son: oh no

aussie son: i knew it i’m so sorry

aussie son: idk why you would be interested in ME of al people lmao


aussie dad: no no!!

aussie dad: i would totally date u n be into u

aussie dad: if i didn’t already have a boyfriend that i’ve been dating for three years that i kind of live with and have two cats with


aussie son: oh

aussie son: OH

aussie son: i am

aussie son: so stupid


aussie dad: no fe it’s fine you didn’t know

aussie dad: this changes nothing


aussie son: can i just ask who?


aussie dad: uhm

aussie dad: jeongin,,,


aussie son: that makes

aussie son: sO MUCH SENSE

aussie son: i am: boo boo the fool


-  aussie son changed their name to aussie clown  -


aussie dad: i knew u likes me but i didn’t want u to find out about me and jeongie because of the gc im so sorry i should have just told you


aussie clown: no no chan it’s fine

aussie cloan: just ignore this it’s fine


-  minho's hoe squad  -


felix navidad: he’s dating someone love that for me


hyunjisus: wHo??


felix navidad: jeongin.


meanhoe: oh worm


hyunjisus: WHAT

hyunjisus: that

hyunjisus: makes a lot of sense actually


meanhoe: yeah it does


felix navidad: what are y’all doin rn


meanhoe: i’m on the phone with ji


hyunjisus: i’m w seung n wooj


felix navidad: o h


hyunjisus: for why?


meanhoe: ^


felix navidad: i just need Comfort

felix navidad: but it’s fine don’t pause ur love life bc i chugged a big glass of dumb bitch juice


meanhoe: are you sure??


felix navidad: yeah i just don’t have anyone to call :/


hyunjisus: call bin


felix navidad: i don’t know him that well


meanhoe: perfect way to get to know him


felix navidad: ugh fine.


-  private chat; felix navidad and coffee bean  -


felix navidad: hey are you busy?


coffee bean: nope whatcha need


felix navidad: wanna binge watch bad 90s rom coms and eat mass amoubts of food to mend my broken heart?


coffee bean: sure you pick movies i’ll grab food


felix navidad: ur literally the best human ever

felix navidad: thank you so so much