He held the gauntlet in his arms and stared at the stones. Those damned stones.
He tried, God knows he did, but for no result.
He thinks about the new reality he needs to face.
Reality. What a stupid thing, isn't it? Why can't he just lock himself in a dark room and stay out of it? He doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. Reality in which the only thing grounding him is that distant thing… a memory… a piece from the past… because memory is all what’s left behind.
Mind. He tried try to move on. He tried to shake it off. He tried to stop the constant ache in his chest. his mind tells him ever since that he should move on, that life continue. People keep living. They stay strong, they are moving forward, and he just wish to find the courage to yell at them, as loud as he could- ‘don't you see he's gone?!’ and even though his mind tells him that it’s completely fine to move on now, he tries but it feels like the road ended. He can't go forward, so he just wishes the world to just stop from spinning.
Time. Why couldn't they just have a little more? Why does everything needs to come to an end? “Time is relative” they said. Relative for what for Christ's sake?! and how is this line is supposed to comfort him? “Part of the journey is the end”- he said. Well sue him, but maybe he doesn't want this journey to end? What if their Journey was cut short? What if the destiny got interrupted? He wonders what could've happened differently, and how would they spend their time, this little amount they got, better.
He remembers Siberia. “he's my friend.” “so was I”. He could have done it better there's no doubt in it.
Time is time. The only variable in that equation is what you are doing with your time.
Power. He remembers how strong he was. maybe not physically…definitely not physically, but mentally and emotionally and on every other aspect he was so strong. He remembers being intimidated by that man, the much, much smaller men, because he knew what he was capable of. He remembers strong heart who's got broken so many times in the most literal way. But don't let his fragile structure to mislead you- behind that soft blue glow, beneath the ruins of what used to be a heart, lies a lion that waits to protect and help and defend.
Space. He remembers that horrible day every time he looks at the New York city skies, and he's taken back to how it all happened so tragically fast- the aliens, the nuke, the explosion, the way it almost ended as a one-way trip. How he barely managed to go back through the portal ... the realization he's falling too fast ... he's not slowing down, and then he's on the ground- not breathing. The light in his chest is turned off. A roar from a concerned-green- raging- monster and then that light flickers, and he opened his eyes, and he's breathing again, and his heart is beating again.
Soul. sometimes it feels a little bit too much. Sometimes it feels more of a... a nightmare he can wake up from, and he tries to wake himself up “wake up, Steve you have to wake up!” it's like a mantra repeating itself over and over. The soul has limits, hurt it and it will break. He knows that the other guy has suffered enough. He remembers rushing to the spaceship and seeing something who used to be the great Tony Stark- now a shell of a broken person with a broken soul. He will never forget how the look in his eyes was so broken, how he was so thin and how pale his skin was. He thought maybe he forgave him about Siberia, and just for a second- he actually believed in it…. and then things got really bad, and shit hit the fan and ... “I said we'll lose, you said we'll do that together too. Well guess what Cap, we lost, and you weren't there…” fire burned in his eyes, but he wasn't mad, neither Furious. on his face was only pure disappointment “I've got nothing for you Cap- I've got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada.” He was broken. He was on the verge of crying. And then ... his world collapsed around him to a single sentence-
“No trust. A LIAR.”
Now he sits next to a stone, holding tightly a crumpled, tears-stained piece of paper in his left hand. It happens every day ever since that terrible day.
A sniff, a hand soaking his tears in his sleeve. His eyes are red and puffy. His heart is beating rapidly and causing him to feel a dull pain in his chest.
Tomorrow it will be a year since that awful day.
Another look at the gantlet. He tried to use it, he tried to bring him back. He tried every single Stone in every combination, and he even tried all of them together- which took a terrible price. But now it's nothing, because he heals fast. and all that's left now is an ugly scar on the left side of his body- which no matter how ugly it looks- it will never show how ugly he is on the inside, it's just… incomparable.
But at the end of the day he just sits there again, hoping to be forgiven. So he asks the stones to forgive him. He asks for mercy.
Another sniff. Another choked sob. He puts the rose he brought with him down to the ground. He starts to feel a little bit overwhelmed. He opens his mouth, trying to say something-anything - but no words coming out.
And then he can't hold it anymore, and he is a shaking, sobbing mess on the ground. And he cries. And he prays, desperately, to be forgiven, so he will be able to move on. But he could feel the colorful stones laughing at him, at the pathetic piece of garbage he is now.
So he turns to the seventh stone.
And although he knows the stone could never forgive him,
because HE is gone now. Forever.
And he can go to the end of the world and back, and he knows it in heart now,
that it won't bring HIM back.
So, he will just keep asking everyday till the day they'll meet again ...
And until then, this liar will keep looking for forgiveness from a stone-
"I AM SO SORRY TONY...."