Chapter 1: > Terezi: Recap.
Begin Terezi Intermission
A young troll sits on a spaceship. Well, you still thinks of herself as young. Truth be told, you are not exactly sure how old you are anymore. You could be nine, ten, twelve, or ninety nine sweeps for all you know. Paradox Space does that to people, never know if you are getting closer to your goal or if you would make better progress by standing still.
Your Seer of Mind powers don't really do jack shit in the furthest ring, so it isn't like you had a compass or any guiding light to help you. Like your good for nothing friend the thief. Or, so you assume. Were you two really friends anymore? It has been a long time.
You didn't know what to do when you saw that message from her and, after all these months on this ship, you still don't. It is one thing to have a friend you call and text frequently about the trip you've been having forever and listening to all his dorky problems and listening as Earth C goes to hell. And then nope, there he is again just chilling out in the void where Paradox Space once was. Just like he had been waiting for you to show up. Which in a way, he had been.
And then their little moment...yeah. You didn't regret that exactly. Hell, you still looked back on that with such fondness that it makes your poor heart ache. Just as it was going now as you sniff at John from inside the wallet you now had. Where had he gotten it? You seem to remember a John not too long ago punching Vriska and telling you that you were about to make a big mistake. And he knew that because of her! Then the weenie wouldn't even let you see the scarf dammit. Jokes on him though, thanks to your mind powers you knew exactly what she had said. And he was right, he did need to give you his wallet, when you needed it to survive. Not whatever dumb thing Vriska had though she meant. What did she know??
You sniff down at your glasses for the zillionth time, no sorry bad word choice there, for what seemed like the millionth time. You could text her, hell, you could call right now and see what she was doing with John's phone and how the hell she could be using it. There was a timeline split here you know it, but how then could THAT John have been calling you up and talking about his relationship problems and how had you called Karkat all that time too? It did not make any sense. You had been going under the assumption that the John that had been waiting for you was from a doomed timeline, maybe one that had tried to stop English? Or maybe it had been that John you saw when you Reme8ered. That timeline where she had written out the scarf to John, there was a brief moment that she thought it wouldn't work. In someway, it hadn't but it did but it didn't. GRRRRrrrrr! Retcon bullshit was even harder to think about then the possibilities of mind and that was what you were best at and it was still hard to wrap your mind around.
Anyway, in that brief moment, there had been two Johns. And for some reason, one had been dubbed irrelevant. Maybe that had been the John. But nope, he was from Earth C too; a very different one from the one you had been hearing about. No ghosts, no fascist government yet, and no dead Dirk. Roxy had been the biggest surprise to you. At first you thought it was Dave and then you found out that she and John WEREN'T together. That had made here little guest in your pocket seem to be almost a sin, like not only were you a bad person for keeping this dead John away from all his friends, but that maybe you had cause it somehow or had changed the way things could have gone. Point is you felt guilty for not talking to her right then and there. About John, about the other timeline, about your other self, and maybe about her. Your only having this thought now but maybe going to Roxy for help with this emptiness, this void, you felt inside yourself was probably a better option then blasting off into space forever. Oh well, it wasn't like hurtling through space going to a quest unknown wasn't what you had been doing for the last however many sweeps.
You feel like you have been going in circles again. Just like you were out there. Maybe it's time to get some sleep. Not much else to do right now. Well, maybe you can go bother the other seer but that sounds pretty exhausting right now in your current frame of mind. Rose has only grown snootier and wordier with her new robot form. But at least their game of one-upmanship is pretty entertaining to engage in. You thought you got her pretty good with that exchange about former lovers. Rose seems convinced that Kanaya was perfectly all right where she was. You have glanced down a few paths of possibilities and there were a lot of them involving a very angry chainsaw wielding rainbow drinker. You sincerely hope that you will have time to explain to Kanaya that you didn't have anything to do with Dirk/Rose robot thing and you hope that you did in fact not have anything to do with it. Was just sitting on your ass not calling make you an accessory to the kidnapping and all that? Not in any troll law you could recall.
You sighed. You wondered if you could call the tailing group. You don't think so. You had attempted to call Karkat just to see if anyone would answer her and sure enough it had been the Great Leader Vantas, in the middle of a war against Jane Crooker the new Batter Witch. You didn't mention any of your issues to him as you quickly hung up when it was clear he was right in the middle of an amazing fight that would have been amazing to observe.
Rubbing your hand against your forehead, you sighed again. Better just call it a day then, hard to have days here when you're going through an infinite swath of space with no concept of Day or Night cycles but your so fucking tired you just don't care.
You reach into your own sylladex, you couldn't bear to switch over to the wallet, and pull out your dragon hoodie and a pile of your old scalemates. You lounge quite comfortably in the fluff and use your hoodie as a blanket, snuggling between dragons above and below. The last thing you do is examine the boy in the wallet one more time before you shut your eyes. Not that you need to have them open to keep sniffing at him. But you fell that the act of closure would signal the end for you tonight. Then you do what you have done a few times before with some shame but no regret. You licked the fucking card like the weirdo you are. Wow, Terezi really? That's disgusting. But his blood, it tastes so delicious.
You close the wallet and pull it close, holding it right near your heart. You can feel the wind rustling your blanket hoodie as though someone is tucking you in. But that doesn't make sense, how would there be any wind on a spaceship? You bury your face deep into one of the scalemates, your nose tells you that this green one was the same one as John had "saved" during his retcon journey. "What had the witness to say for himself now?" The prosecution would like to know. The witness doesn't know what to say. The prosecution doesn't know what to say ether. The jury doesn't even know the crime committed or who the suspect is or what anyone should be doing.
The Seer of Mind stops thinking about all the stuff that you do not have an answer for and, in your mind's eye, the green flow of mind stops moving. If you were a cartoon character, a little balloon would appear above your head right now with a little 'Z' in it.
Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are very tired.
Chapter 2: Terezi: Dream.
Terezi finds a certain someone in her dreams. Like what's he doing there? What's his deal??
You feel yourself drifting into slumber. Sort of like a dream bubble you guess. Or maybe all dreams are technically dream bubbles but just not everyone can access them? You never really sure how that worked.
It feels like a transition as you slowly fade from lying down to sitting down again. You are sniffing down at your land of Thought and Flow. Currently you are sitting on what was your hive but multiplied hundreds of times over in order to bring about the Ultimate Alchemy to Skaia. You appear to be in the middle of a conversation.
> Terezi: Respond.
GC: 1M SUR3 1 M3NT1ON3D 4FT3R YOU M3T MY SPR1T3
GC: 1 L34RN3D FROM H3R THROUGH MY DR34MS
GC: B3FOR3 SH3 H4TCH3D!
CG: YEAH, BUT IT'S STILL SO VAGUE.
CG: THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
CG: HOW ABOUT A STRAIGHT ANSWER?
GC: OK, 1LL TRY
GC: WH3N 1 W3NT BL1ND, TH4TS WH3N 1 F1RST WOK3 UP
GC: 4ND MY LUSUS H3LP3D M3 W4K3 UP!
GC: SORT OF
CG: YOU MEAN ON PROSPIT'S MOON.
GC: 3XC3PT FOR 4 V3RY BR13F MOM3NT...
GC: 1 W4S BL1ND 1N MY DR34MS TOO
GC: TH3 DR34M S3LF 1M4G3 1 PROJ3CT C4N'T S33, B3C4US3 1 GU3SS D33P DOWN 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO
CG: WHY IS THAT.
CG: IS IT OUT OF SPITE TO VRISKA?
CG: I KNOW I'D PROBABLY BE COOL WITH IT OUT OF SPITE MORE THAN ANYTHING.
GC: NOT TH4T TH3R3 W4SNT SOM3 S4T1SF4CT1ON 1N B31NG OK4Y W1TH 1T
GC: GR4T3FUL 4BOUT 1T 3V3N!
GC: AND M4KING SUR3 SH3 KN3W...THAT...UH K4RK4T?
GC: W3 4LLR34DY H4D TH1S CONV3RS4TION
GC: 4ND 1 TH1NK TH4T...
CG: WHAT? WHAT?? TELL ME!
GC: SORRY K4RK4T! 1 GOT TO GO
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
> Terezi: Investigate.
You remember this memory all too well. You have been thinking of this exact MOM3NT for years on end now. All that time in the meteor in fact. And even longer out in the furthest ring with nothing else to occupy your time.
You quickly dash around the side of your hive, hoping you haven't missed him yet.
You sprint around the corner and there he is. Still scrawling the last bit of his message, telling you the name of your unseen riddler. Unseen but not unsmelled.
He whips around to face you, floating now just above the floor in his haste. His mouth opens for just a tick but then he smiles at you. A shy smile that you have come to like, or love, or hate, or whatever it is you are feeling about this unassuming nerd in a windsock.
He gives you a small wave.
JOHN: oh. hey terezi.
TEREZI: DONT YOU "H3Y M3" BUST3R
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG H3R3?
TEREZI: HOW 4R3 YOU H3R3??
JOHN: oh! i stuck my hand in this weird house thing and i needed to come here because future you..
TEREZI: NO, NO! 1 KNOW TH4T!
TEREZI: 1 M34N HOW 4R3 YOU H3R3 1N MY DR34M??
JOHN: this is a dream?
JOHN: you sure?
JOHN: cause i was just on my way to...
TEREZI: W1LL YOU L1ST3N?
TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY S3NT YOU ON TH1S QU3ST THROUGH C4NON!
TEREZI: R3M3MB3R? YOU S4W TH4T FUTUR3 V3RS1ON OF M3 D13?
JOHN: yeah. hey! how do you know that????
JOHN: you're from the past aren't you?
JOHN: well my past i guess.
JOHN: that would make this your present then.
JOHN: so how..?
TEREZI: OH MY GOD JOHN! YOU 4R3 TH3 B1GG3ST DORK 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3!!
You throw up your hands in disgust. Trying to get this windy boy to understand.
You get an idea. You rummage around your sylladex.
TEREZI: OK LOOK S33 TH1S DR4GON H3R3? 1T'S TH3 S4M3 ON3 YOU JUST G4RB3D FROM MY H1V3 R1GHT??
John looks at the scalemate with surprise. He pulls out an exact duplicate of the dragon you have, looks at it incredulously, and then absentmindedly hands it to you.
JOHN: oh yeah, huh. i guess your right then.
JOHN: so does that mean i am asleep?
JOHN: or am i dead?
TEREZI: Y3S YOU 4R3 D34D
TEREZI: NO YOU 4R3 NOT 4SL33P 1N 4 DR34M BUBBL3
TEREZI: 3NGL1SH D3STROY3D TH3M 4LL
JOHN: he did???
TEREZI: Y3S JOHN
JOHN: that doesn't sound good.
JOHN: is there anything i can do to stop him?
TEREZI: JOHN YOU 4LR34DY D1D
TEREZI: TH4T'S WHY YOUR *D34D*!!
You are both quiet for a moment. John looking at you with a face of dejection, you feel like you just kicked a puppy. You are sniffing him out trying to think why this situation seems familiar somehow.
JOHN: so, how am i here?
TEREZI: TH4T'S WH4T 1 W4S 4SK1NG YOU YOU GOOB3R!
TEREZI: 1 SW34R YOU W1LL B3 TH3 3ND OF M3!
You feel like your black flirting isn't up to your usual caliber. But you're giving yourself some slack here because your dead kismesis is just standing there as if he didn't go and get himself killed by worrying about you.
It is insufferable. Where did he go getting off being up and about and talking to you! Ugh, he makes you so irritated sometimes.
He interrupts your black-rom thoughts by rapping on your head with his fist. Well, he is solid at least.
JOHN: hello? paradox space to terezi? alternia to terezi??
JOHN: shit. how do you trolls say that?
TEREZI: 4LT3RN14 TO T3R3Z1 1S F1N3
TEREZI: 1 W4S LOST 1N 4 THOUGHT TH3R3
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK...
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 H4V3 DON3 SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH1S B3FOR3
JOHN: well don't tell me anything about it or anything.
JOHN: i hate to be informed about stuff so i can help my friends.
TEREZI: GOD JOHN DONT B3 4 B1TCH >:]
TEREZI: 1 N33D TO JOG MY M3MORY
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 TO M4K3 MYS3LF R3M3MB3R
John glances down at her pulsing planet, the neurons bathing him in a glow of teal.
JOHN: well this is a good place to do it then right?
TEREZI: HUH >:?
JOHN: you're the seer of mind right?
JOHN: this is like the perfect place for you to remember stuff.
JOHN: besides you said we were in your dream.
JOHN: so that's like, twice the amount of mind you're using.
TEREZI: TH4T 1S NOT HOW MY POW3RS WORK 4T 4LL
JOHN: well, i'm not sure wha...
TEREZI: 1M JUST M3SS1NG W1TH YOU N3RD!
TEREZI: TH4T W1LL B3 JUST WH4T 1 N33D!
JOHN: WHY DO YOU DO THIS????
JOHN: do you just enjoy tormenting people??
TEREZI: ONLY YOU JOHN
JOHN: and why have you used my name like ten times now?
TEREZI: WH4T? YOU PR3F3R 1 C4LL YOU SM3LLY HUM4N BUTTF4C3 OR SOM3TH1NG
JOHN: john is suddenly sounding just fine now, thanks terezi.
TEREZI: YOU'RE W3LCOM3
JOHN: ack!! what was that look?!
TEREZI: WH4T LOOK
JOHN: that look you just gave me!
JOHN: don't pretend that you didn't!
TEREZI: 1 D1DNT G1V3 YOU 4 LOOK, D1NGUS
JOHN: yes you did!
JOHN: otherwise you wouldn't be laughing!
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: hey you two!
Both you and John spin around to see your dragonsprite just quietly flapping. She was watching you two the whole time while the two of you shamelessly hate flirted with each other.
DRAGONSPRITE: you two should kiss!
TEREZI: MOM PL34S3
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 SL1GHTLY H1GH3R ST4ND4RDS TH3N JOHN 3GB3RT
JOHN: wait, mom? that's your mom???
TEREZI: OH R1GHT
TEREZI: DR4GONMOM TH1S 1S JOHN, H3 1S GROSS 4ND K1ND4 SM3LLS L1K3 B4RF
TEREZI: JOHN TH1S 1S MY DR4GON LUS1S
TEREZI: SH3 1S TH3 GR34T3ST
JOHN: hello dragonmom.
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiii john!
JOHN: i think i like your mom.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW R1GHT?! SH3'S 4W3SOM3.
JOHN: so, what did she mean about a kiss?
TEREZI: MOM 1S 1NCR3D1BLY FORW4RD W1TH WHO SH3 SH1PS H3R D4UGHT3R W1TH
TEREZI: SH3 SH4R3S TH4T 1N COMMON W1TH ON3 OF MY OTH3R D34D FR13NDS
JOHN: was it the cute cat troll?
TEREZI: UH HOW D1D YOU KNOW?
JOHN: oh i saw here briefly. during our little scarf...quest...
John pauses realizing what he has said. He looks really confused now.
JOHN: ok. how i'm i remembering stuff now? like, i didn't even do that yet???
TEREZI: W3 W1LL G3T TH3R3
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 SHOULD GO TRY 4ND US3 MY POW3RS
JOHN: so do the mindy thing?
TEREZI: Y3S JOHN DO TH3 M1NDY TH1NG
You sit down to sniff over your Land of Thought and Flow. The two dragons you hold sit in your lap. Without thinking you push their heads together.
JOHN: what are you doing now you weirdo.
TEREZI: 1 4M TH3 MOTH3R OF DR4GONS 4ND MUST BR33D TH3 SP3C13S 1N ORD3R TO 3NSUR3 TH31R SURV1V4L!
JOHN: it just looks like you're making them kiss.
TEREZI: TH4T 1S TH3 F1RST ST3P OF TH3 BR33D1NG PROC3SS!
TEREZI: FOR TH3 OFFSPR1NG TO 4CH13V3 TH3 GR34T3ST POT3NT14L, TH3Y MUST F1RST BOND!
JOHN: uh huh. do dragons also have quadrants or do they just have one type of romance like a sensible species?
TEREZI: FOUR 1S 4 P3RF3CTLY NORM4L NUMB3R OF ROM4NC3S TO H4V3 YOU UNCULTUR3D HOG B34ST!
TEREZI: MY GOD YOU 4R3 4 R34L X3NOPHOB3 WH3N YOU W3R3 TH1S YOUNG!
JOHN: i am not a xenophobe! good god! i'm sick of that joke!
TEREZI: WH4T JOK3? TH1S 1S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 3V3N SUGG3ST3D 1T?
JOHN: no you didn't! you made it when...
John trails off again. You wait with baited breath. When had he heard it? During one of your text messages with him on Hell Earth C? Or during their brief interval together going around the black hole gaffer?
John doesn't give you an answer however as he shakes his head and sits down next to you. He turns to look at you dead on.
JOHN: ok. maybe you should get on with it already?
JOHN: i think you have stalled for long enough.
TEREZI: DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR T4LK1NG 4BOUT! DR4GON BR34D1NG 1S 4 V3RY S3R1OUS JOB TO DO! 4ND 1 T4K3 4LL MY JOBS V3RY S3R1OUSLY
JOHN: and you are just fucking around now because?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 JOHN
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO M3SS W1TH YOU
JOHN: god dammit terezi.
You laugh. Wow, you don't think you have had this much fun since, well yeah. Since the last time you saw this person you're currently teasing constantly. That thought makes you drop your smile real quick. God. This talk is just making you miss the real John more. Why are you doing this to yourself??
John seems to understand that something is wrong and reaches out a hand to your shoulder. Again, he makes contact. He feels real, that is definitely a real hand you are feeling.
JOHN: hey, are you ok?
TEREZI: 1M F1N3
JOHN: i don't think i have ever seen you like this
TEREZI: L1K3 WH4T?
JOHN: well, sad.
TEREZI: HUH >:???
JOHN: i've seen you happy, laughing, pissed, mischievous, annoyed, and a whole host of other things.
JOHN: but i don't think i've ever seen you sad.
You don't know how to respond to that. Why did he have to go and say something stupid like that? You are fine, F1N3 dammit! You definitely don't feel like wanting to throw yourself into his arms and cry. You certainly don't want to kiss him again and explain everything. You do not want to kiss this random Egbert nerd who is probably like two or three sweeps younger than you right now that would be...wait no. You guess it would be you that is a sweep younger than him right now? You were only six at the time. But wait, did having the memories from when you were older count? What kind of body did she have right now?? And didn't he have memories from his older self too???
John shakes you out of your thought spiral. Thank God that boy was as solid anchor to clutch too, he didn't change. The day John Egbert was not a good friend was the day that Paradox Space and every universe that had every existed would scarce to be worth living. And because of this thought that you realize that despite all those misgiving you still really want to kiss the dumb kid. No, you want to kiss this dumb young man.
JOHN: like i said, you ok???
Nope, you are not OK actually. But you sure as shit are not going to say that now. Right now you feel...well like John said: fucking sad.
You shake off all these dumb feelings of weakness. No Terezi, they are not a weakness, don't think things like that. Those are some feeling that you really need to work out...
TEREZI: JUST GR34T!
TEREZI: N3V3R B3TT3R! L3TS DO TH3 M1NDY TH1NG TH3N!
Sigh. OK Terezi your call. You always do manage to make yourself unhappy somehow. Maybe this will help you a little then.
You look down at all the nodes of your land. You look for a long time, trying to summon whatever power the game has bestowed upon you, trying to see the paths that took you here and the ones that were not taken. Nothing seems to happen for a bit. But little by little you begin to make out shapes in the nodes. Then whole images. Finally whole scenes take place in all the little circles of canon and non-canon spinning away for you to explore. The answers you are looking for are down one of these paths you can feel it.
9/7/2019 Edit: I only realized this month's latter but her calling dragonsprite 'mom' goes this directly goes against the famous terezi line "WH4TS 4 MOM" I feel so dumb for no realizing this until now.
Chapter 3: Terezi: Recollect.
Terezi solves a mystery that nobody thought was a mystery but damn did it not just get solved. Nice work.
You look into the images that seep through your collective unconscious. Sifting through one timeline, then the next. You reach the one you are looking for and stop.
JOHN: what the fuck am i looking at here?
TEREZI: OBV1OUSLY 1TS US FROM TH3 M3T3OR F1GHT1NG F3F3R1S 4NC3STOR
JOHN: wait, it that meenah?
TEREZI: YOU KNOW H3R?
JOHN: well she stabbed me a few times.
JOHN: and she raised a ghost army against that skeleton asshole.
JOHN: oh, and she stole the ring of life off me.
TEREZI: W41T WH4T?
JOHN: that happened right before you found me.
TEREZI: 4ND WH3N D1D TH4T H4PP3N?
JOHN: GAA! this is getting dumb.
JOHN: terezi, what the hell am i?
JOHN: didn't you say i was dead or something???
TEREZI: BUT 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR 4 NORM4L DR34M GHOST
TEREZI: YOU ST1LL H4V3 YOUR 3Y3S
JOHN: ...huh. ok then.
TEREZI: W3R3 4LMOST TH3R3 JOHN H4NG ON
JOHN: so, what is the point of this memory?
TEREZI: 1TS 1MPORT4NT FOR 4 SM4LL R34SON
TEREZI: YOU S33 M3 B4CK TH3R3?
JOHN: i know for a fact that you don't.
TEREZI: SHUT UP! >:P
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N
TEREZI: DO YOU *S33* WHO 1S N3XT TOO M3?
JOHN: uh, no.
JOHN: i don't see who you're talking about.
TEREZI: 4ND Y3T CH3CK 4G41N
JOHN: it that...dirk???
JOHN: so...what does that mean?
TEREZI: TH4T P4RT1CUL4R FL4VOR OF OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3 1S KNOWN 4S "GHOST BR41N D1RK"
TEREZI: H3 COM3S COURT3SY OF YOUR 3CTO-4NC3STOR
JOHN: you mean jake?????
JOHN: now i am even more confused.
TEREZI: 1TS B3C4US3 OF H1S HOP3 POW3RS
TEREZI: L3TS JUMP 4H34D
You point to another spot down the winding mesh you both are observing. It comes into focus in front of you two. It is now displaying a scene on Jade's planet: Land of Frost and Frogs. For some reason Jake was in the center of what has hitherto been described as a "big gay hope bubble". You adjust the scene. It zooms in onto a familiar looking spider troll.
There she was just standing around with a bunch of dumb blue lady pictures and a passed out Roxy on the floor. And suddenly there was Dirk again complete with a fakeness meter falling to the ground.
JOHN: i'm still not getting it?
TEREZI: WOW JOHN YOU R34LLY 4R3 DUMB SOM3T1M3S
TEREZI: TH3 PR1NC3 H3R3 M4N1F3ST3D FROM TH3 M1ND OF TH3 P4G3 OF HOP3
TEREZI: J4K3 B3L13V3D 1N H1S FR13ND SO MUCH TH4T TH1S 1M4G1N4RY V3RS1ON OF D1RK B3C4M3 SL1GHTLY L3SS F4K3
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND OF S1M1L4R TO HOW T4VROS ONC3 H4D 4N 1M4G1N4RY FR13ND TH4T H3 CR34T3D TO G1V3 H1MS3LF "S3LF 3ST33M"
TEREZI: OR WH4T3V3R
TEREZI: L4T3R TH4T FR13ND TURN3D OUT TO B3 R34L 1N TH3 FORM OF H1S 4NC3STOR 4ND H1S D4NC3STOR
TEREZI: YOU C4N STOP W1TH 4LL THOS3 P4US3S TH3R3
JOHN: so what?
JOHN: what am i?????
TEREZI: YOUR 4 BR41N GHOST DUMB DUMB!!!!!
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 4 R3FL3CT1ON OF JOHN TH4T 1S 1NS1D3 MY H34D
John looks down at his hands. He tries to see if he will become intangible or more ghost like. Noting happens.
JOHN: so why am i here?
TEREZI: TH4T 1 DONT KNOW
TEREZI: M4YB3 B3C4US3...1 M1SS YOU?
JOHN: that could be it.
JOHN: i think i remember seeing my dad in the dream bubbles like this one time.
JOHN: i think i was dead.
JOHN: and that seems strange because im sure this was before i lost him.
JOHN: so, i don't know???
JOHN: oh, and i was on a date with vriska at the time.
TEREZI: WH3N D1D YOU D4T3 VR1SK4????????
JOHN: oh! i think i remember now!
JOHN: i think i have you to thank for that.
TEREZI: WH4T >:????????
JOHN: it was the john that you kinda tricked into dying or rather the one you sent to my denizen too early.
JOHN: i don't think that was the reason i had to die though and he offered me The Choice, there were things that needed to happen.
JOHN: like dave sprite happening and rose getting knowledge from her other dream self.
JOHN: that needed to happen no matter what you did.
TEREZI: TH4TS N1C3 OF YOU TO S4Y
TEREZI: BUT 1 ST1LL F33L B4D 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: 1 K33P TH1NK1NG TH4T 1F 1 H4D JUST THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T 4 L1TTL3 MOR3
TEREZI: YOU WOULDNT H4V3 H4D TO D13
TEREZI: 4ND POOR B1RD D4V3 WOUDNT B3 4ROUND 31TH3R
JOHN: yeah, you see no.
JOHN: you need to look further ahead there.
JOHN: dave sprite needed to exist to defeat lord english.
JOHN: he or they i guess...
JOHN: did he know he fused with that cat troll?
JOHN: i know right?!
JOHN: they were the most ridiculous thing ive seen on this crazy adventure.
JOHN: and i've created myself and all my friends through ectobiology.
TEREZI: GOOD JOB 1 G4V3 YOU TH4T N4M3 HUH??
JOHN: you scared me so bad that i had to steal that name from you and then never talk to you again.
TEREZI: SUR3 JOHN WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y
JOHN: bluh bluh huge...blind troll.
TEREZI: 1 4M ST1LL UNF4Z3D BY YOUR HUM4N BLUHS
TEREZI: 4LSO TH4T COM3B4CK SUCK3D
JOHN: no *you* suck.
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 1NS1NU4T1NG TH4T 1
TEREZI: T3R3Z1 PYROP3
JOHN: yes, pretty hard.
TEREZI: W3LL 1 N3V3R!
TEREZI: TH1S SHOCKS M3 TO MY COR3 3GB3RT!
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1 KN3W YOU B3TT3R TH3N TH1S
TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOU WOULD 3V3R S4Y SUCH FOUL 4WFUL TH1NGS TO M3!
JOHN: alright, alright, knock it off.
JOHN: what were even talking about again?
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34
JOHN: do we wanna talk about what your dragonmom said about kissing???
TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R NOW!
TEREZI: 1T W4S 4BOUT VR1SK4 4ND YOU D4T1NG??
JOHN: that was it.
JOHN: anyway, that vriska that dead version of myself met was the same one i think you stabbed.
TEREZI: 1T W4S????
JOHN: yeah, i think so.
JOHN: so, thanks for that.
JOHN: without meeting her like that, i don't think i would have really known what she was like as a person?
JOHN: and i also got to see what she would have been like growing up with relatively normal parents and honestly, she was a pretty good kid!
JOHN: i mean, she was awful and am pretty sure she was dating my son and technically my half-brother at the same time????
JOHN: no, that can't be right.
JOHN: nvm. i don't think i know what i'm talking about anymore.
TEREZI: YOUR GOOD
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK YOUR T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH3 OTH3R 34RTH C
TEREZI: TH3 ON3 OLD YOU 1S FROM WH3R3 VR1SK4...H4S YOUR PHON3 1 GU3SS...
JOHN: ...ok, something is really bothering you isn't?
JOHN: i can tell. do you want to talk about it?
You look back at the message John wrote to you all that time ago. It was a simple message really: "you don't need him". That simple message carried a lot of meaning behind it. And you were not sure if you wanted to deal with it, like ever. But now here you were, back here again at this same spot time and time again.
John looks at the message he just wrote. Or rather at the message that you had him write for yourself in the past. He's slow about a lot of things but this problem seems to be something he understands quite quickly.
JOHN: is it about your dating life?
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T 1 GU3SS
JOHN: ok. it cant be about dave and karkat anymore cause we made sure that didn't happen.
John eyes flick to the mind paths below. While you weren't paying attention the path you had been exploring kept on going. This lead to the scene of you handing over a very bloody scarf to John and outlining your own chalk outline for when you died.
It didn't stop there though, as your physical form in the mind circle stood up again and with a flash her eyes, that had been healed by that same spider bitch from earlier, turned white. Then the searching began and for some reason, both of you could swear that there was...was that music? It seemed to be coming from somewhere.
It reminded John of a meeting with a friend he had. It had been snowing at the time and yet when the heat had come back, his friend had refused to take the jacket off again. Right up until he said he didn't want her to come back.
It reminds you of endless searching but this time she is there waiting for you. And this time she was looking for you too. And you meet together on a little red square. Maybe that was a deep friendship or maybe some true love shit. Or maybe even something that transcends the quadrants. You don't know what to feel about it.
A little small sad smile appears on John's face as he watches you Reme8er.
JOHN: is it about vriska?
You wince. He caught you.
TEREZI: Y3S 1TS 4BOUT VR1SK4
JOHN: it always is with you.
JOHN: i say again: do you want talk about it? do you want talk about vriska?
You shuts your eyes. Not that you need them to see with of course, but you need a step back from this conversation. Do you want to talk about Vriska? Is that really what you want? That isn't just your thoughts being told to you by me either Terezi. I'm genuinely asking you if that is what you want. She has put you through a lot of shit. But then again, you think you finally know the reason why you keep coming back to this moment. This point in time. You should tell John about it. He's a very good listener you know. That's probably why you thought him up in the first place.
You tell him.
TEREZI: Y3S JOHN
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY, R34LLY W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT VR1SK4
TEREZI: 1 N33D TO T4LK 4BOUT H3R 1N F4CT
JOHN: go for it then.
Chapter 4: Terezi: Talk about Vriska.
Terezi talks about her feelings. Most of them are about Vriska.
I'm gonna have to add a Vriska (Mentioned) tag now for this aren't I?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
TEREZI: YOU KNOW TH4T M3SS4G3 B4CK TH3R3?
JOHN: i just wrote it, so yes i know about it.
TEREZI: YOU 4SK3D M3 1N TH3 FUTUR3 WHO 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT
JOHN: dave and karkat right?
TEREZI: BUT 1 TH1NK 1 4LSO M1GHT H4V3 M34NT G4MZ13
JOHN: whoa! whoa! whoooaaa! hold the fuck up!
JOHN: when did you date gamzie????
TEREZI: 1T W4S 4 L1TTL3 BL4CK FL1NG!!
TEREZI: 1 W4S 1N 4 V3RY LOW PL4C3 4T TH3 T1M3!!!
JOHN: did you use me...as a rebound??
TEREZI: OH MY GOD JOHN NO!!
TEREZI: FUCK NO!
TEREZI: 1 W4S JUST V3RY D3PR3SS3D B3C4US3 1 K1LL3D 4 FR13ND WHO 1 H4D SOM3....F33L1NGS FOR
JOHN: so apart from you stopping yourself from making out with a dumb clown, which i fully support by the way.
JOHN: if i had known that i would have been more understanding of trying to fix your relationship problems.
JOHN: what was so important about the message?
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK...
TEREZI: 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU JOHN
JOHN: why would your future self tell you to avoid me?
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK 1T W4S TO 4VO1D YOU
TEREZI: SH3 W4S T3LL1NG M3 TH4T 1 D1DNT N33D YOU
TEREZI: H4V3 YOU PUT 1T TOG3TH3R NOW?
TEREZI: TH4T V3RS1ON OF M3 S3T US UP FOR 4 BL4CK ROM4NC3
JOHN: whaaaaat? no. come on. even you can't predict stuff like that.
TEREZI: 1 S33 4LL TH3 POSS1B1L1T13S GOOD 4ND B4D
TEREZI: 1 C4N CHOOS3 TH3 B3ST OUTCOM3S FOR 4LL MY 4LL13S NO M4TT3R HOW TH3 S1TU4T1ON LOOKS CURR3NTLY
TEREZI: 4ND 1F 1 CONS1D3R MYS3LF 4 N3C3SS4RY P4RT OF TH4T OUTCOM3 TO H3LP MY FR13NDS
TEREZI: TH4T 1NCLUD3S MY R3L4T1ONSH1PS TO OTH3R P3OPL3 TOO 1 WOULDNT PUT 1T P4ST MYS3LF
TEREZI: 4ND S1NC3 1 H4V3 H3R M3MOR13S 1M SUR3 TH4T 1S JUST WH4T 1 D1D
JOHN: well, i don't know terezi.
JOHN: i'm sorry but that sounds like bullshit.
JOHN: i don't know that some mind mumbo jumbo and a scarf are really enough to create a relationship between us??
JOHN: that seems like it would take a hell of a lot else to end up where we did.
TEREZI: NO! NO!
TEREZI: JOHN THOS3 F33L1NGS 4R3 R34L! W3 COULD H4V3 4LW4YS GON3 DOWN TH4T P4TH 3V3N B3FOR3 W3 M3SS3D W1TH C4NON
TEREZI: 1T R34LLY ONLY SP3D UP TH3 PROC3SS OF WH4T W4S 4LR34DY TH3R3
JOHN: but why would you kick start out kismesissitude only then to tell yourself that you didn't need me?
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SH3 KN3W YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO D13
TEREZI: TH4T T3R3Z1 LOOK3D 4T 4LL TH3 POSS1B1L1T13S 4ND KN3W TH4T 3V3N W1TH TH3 B3ST POSS1BL3 OUTCOM3 YOU W3R3 ST1LL NOT GO1NG TO M4K3 1T
TEREZI: YOU DONT H4V3 TO LOOK FURTH3R TH3N TH3 L4ST NOT3 ON TH3 SC4RF
John pulls out the scarf and looks at the last message. He frowns at it.
JOHN: why did i need to give you my wallet?
TEREZI: TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: W1THOUT 1T 1 WOULD B3 D34D NO QU3ST1ON 4BOUT 1T
JOHN: where are you going with this?
TEREZI: 1M TRY1NG TO L34D YOU TO 4 CONCLUS1ON H3R3
TEREZI: L3T M3 L4Y 1T OUT FOR YOU
TEREZI: ON3- TH4T T3R3Z1 KN3W TH4T CH4NG1NG TH1NGS WOULD L34D US TO H4V3 SP4D3 F33L1NGS
TEREZI: TWO- SH3 KN3W TH4T YOU WOULD D13
TEREZI: THR33- SH3 4ND 4LMOST 3V3RY T3R3Z1 4CROSS 4LL OF P4R4DOX SP4C3 H4S F33L1NGS FOR VR1SK4.
TEREZI: SO SH3 H4D TO CR34T3 TH1S M4NTR4
TEREZI: TH4T 1 D1DNT N33D YOU B3C4US3 1 4LR34DY H4D VR1SK4
JOHN: ...so what's the issue?
JOHN: i get the stuff about not getting into a relationship because of me dying.
JOHN: though that is true for almost any relationship now that i think about it...
JOHN: but, what's stopping you from going after her then?
JOHN: don't you love her?
TEREZI: ...TH4T 1S ON3 H3LL OF 4 QU3ST1ON JOHN
TEREZI: M4YB3 ON3 OF TH3 B1GG3ST QU3ST1ONS TH4T 4NYON3 H4S 3V3R 4SK3D
You look down at the two dragons in your lap. You don't actually see them still but you just cant seem to look John in the face. Your grip on them has tightened so much it is causing their little faces to bulge up in a comical way. This makes you involuntarily giggle. You make them kiss again because Pumkinsnuffle X Pumkinsnuffle is an obviously good wholesome ship and put them aside. You take off your glasses and put them on one of the scalemates on the one you think you had instead of the one John just handed you, but you can't tell anymore. You turn back to face John with new resolve and met his eyes or point them in the direction you smell them anyway.
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK W3 C4N BOTH 4GR33 TH4T W3 H4V3 JUST B33N BULLSH1T1NG 4ROUND W1TH TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON
JOHN: don't we always?
TEREZI: BUT 1 F33L TH4T 1F 1 K33P TH1S TO MYS3LF...1 DONT KNOW...1M GO1NG TO DO SOM3TH1NG
TEREZI: M4YB3 1LL M3T 4 M3T4PHOR1C4L D34TH? M4YB3 1LL JUST GO CR4ZY!!
TEREZI: H3LL 1 C4NT RUL3 OUT TH4T H4SNT 4LR34DY H4PP3N3D BUT...1 N33D TO F33L R34L
TEREZI: 1 N33D TO KNOW 1F WH4T 1M F33L1NG 1S R34L
TEREZI: SO JOHN, 1 W4NT TO H4V3 4 R34L CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH YOU
John watches your serious expression, his eyes as intense as your words. For all of ten seconds. Then he turns to the side and doubles over laughing.
JOHN: hahaha! oh my god!
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK
JOHN: oh god! i have never seen you that serious before terezi!
JOHN: holy shit! hahaha!
TEREZI: J3GUS JOHN 4LR1GHT SORRY TO BR1NG 1T UP
JOHN: no it's fine. i want to.
He had gotten control of himself and was sitting back up and looking at you again.
JOHN: it just, it reminded me of our last serious conversation and how different it was. it was just funny is all.
You don't think it was all that different. John had been the serious one then too. And here you are still pining over Vriska, no matter what you had told yourself about getting over her. No matter how much you hurt by her absence or how much you called her a huge bitch both aloud and then a million times in your head. You still really want to see her again. If only to slap her again and call her a bitch to her face and THEN never talk to her again. John interrupts your thoughts.
JOHN: sorry terezi.
JOHN: i really mean it. i think you need to talk. i can listen pretty good.
TEREZI: TH4NKS JOHN
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 4BOUT TH4T T3R3Z1 4ND HOW SH3 FOUND TH4T OTH3R VR1SK4S GHOST?
JOHN: pretty well by now.
TEREZI: 1TS L1K3 1 S41D B3FOR3 4BOUT HOW 1 D3VOT3 MY 3NT1R3 L1F3 TO C3RT41N M3MOR13S 4ND W1TH TH4T M33T1NG 4ND HOW MUCH TH3Y C4R3D FOR 34CH OTH3R
TEREZI: 1T M4D3 M3 R34LLY H4PPY!
TEREZI: TO TH1NK TH4T TWO P3OPL3 COULD B3 COSM1CL3Y L1NK3D L1K3 TH4T
TEREZI: 4ND 1 TR13D TO M4K3 1T H4PP3N B3TW33N MYS3LF 4ND MY VR1SK4
TEREZI: 4ND 1T WORK3D!!
TEREZI: TH4T SW33P 4ND 4 H4LF TOG3TH3R W4S ON3 OF TH3 B3ST TH1NGS TH4T COULD H4V3 H4PP3N3D TO M3.
TEREZI: JUST B31NG W1TH H3R L1K3 TH4T M4D3 M3 S33 MYS3LF JUST 4 B1T CL34R3R
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N TH3 S3COND 1T W4S OV3R, SH3 W3NT R1GHT B4CK TO B31NG VR1SK4 4G41N
TEREZI: WHO JUST C4R3S 4BOUT B31NG 1MPORT4NT ON SOM3 COSM1C SC4L3??
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT M4YB3 OUR T1M3 TOG3TH3R H4D H3R CH4NG3 TH3 W4Y SH3 S4W M3
TEREZI: M4YB3 SH3 COULD S33 TH4T 1 4LR34DY THOUGHT TH4T SH3 W4S TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT TH1NG 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3
TEREZI: M4YB3 1 THOUGHT TH4T SH3 SHOULD F33L TH3 S4M3 W4Y 4BOUT M3
TEREZI: ...BUT SH3 D1DNT
TEREZI: SH3 THOUGHT D3F34T1NG SOM3 SKULL MONST3R W4S MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH4N H3R FR13NDS
TEREZI: 4ND TH3 4GGR4V4T1NG P4RT 4BOUT TH4T 1S TH4T SH3S R1GHT????
TEREZI: DEFEATING ENGLISH WAS MORE IMPORTANT THEN US 4NY ON3 OF US
TEREZI: 4ND M4YB3 TH1S JUST M3 B31NG S3LF1SH OR W1SHFUL TH1NK1NG ON MY P4RT, BUT 1 DONT TH1NK SH3 H4D TOO???
TEREZI: FROM WH4T 1 C4N T3LL TH4T OTH3R V3RS1ON OF VR1SK4
JOHN: you mean (vriska)?
TEREZI: Y3S (VR1SK4) COULD H4V3 DON3 1T JUST 4S W3LL
TEREZI: SO MY VR1SK4 W4S JUST B31NG H3RS3LF 4ND M4K1NG 1T 4LL 4BOUT H3R BLUH!
TEREZI: 4ND 1T OCCURR3D TO M3 1F 1 H4D JUST B33N 4 TOUCH MOR3 S3LF1SH OR TR13D JUST 4 L1TTL3 H4RD3R
TEREZI: 1T COULD H4V3 B33N M3 HOLD1NG ONTO VR1SK4 1NST34D OF SOM3 V3RS1ON OF M3 HOLD1NG ONTO *SOM3* V3RS1ON OF H3R
TEREZI: 1 M34N TH4TS GR34T!
TEREZI: BUT TH4T DO3SNT R34LLY H3LP CURR3NT M3 NOW DO3S 1T?
JOHN: so you still want her then?
JOHN: even after everything she's done?
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW!!!!
TEREZI: 1TS SO FRUSTR4T1NG!
TEREZI: ON TH3 ON3 H4ND, SH3 1S 4 H4RD4SS WHO 1T TOUGH ON H3R FR13NDS BUT 1T R34LLY H3LPS TH3M GROW
TEREZI: ROS3 QU1T DR1NK1NG TH4NKS TO H3R 4ND 1T T4K3S 4 SP3C14L K1ND OF P3RSON TO M4K3 4 L4LOND3 STOP DO1NG 4NYTH1NG TH4T SH3 W4NTS TO DO
JOHN: don't i know it.
JOHN: she still went all grimdark after all the yarn i sent her and all the friendship advice i gave her.
JOHN: what kinda person cares enough about her friends to knit an old bunny back together and then go all dark and spooky and shit
TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S 4 BUNNY JUST 1SNT 3NOUGH TO PUT 4LL TH3 D4RKN3SS B4CK 1NTO TH3 BOX
JOHN: maybe, but it should be!
TEREZI: 1T WOULD B3 4 MUCH B3TT3R R34L1TY 1F 1T W3R3 JOHN
TEREZI: M4YB3 SOM3D4Y 1T C4N B3
JOHN: i hope so.
TEREZI: 4NYW4Y B4CK TO TH3 OTH3R L1GHT PL4Y3R
TEREZI: ON TH3 OTH3R H4ND YOU H4V3 TH1S 4BSOLUT3 SH1T P3RSON WHO ONLY C4R3S 4BOUT H3RS3LF 4ND HOW 1MPORT4NT SH3 1S
TEREZI: 4ND SH3 N3V3R R34LLY F1GUR3D OUT HOW TO B4L4NC3 TH3 TWO??
TEREZI: 4ND...1...DONT W4NT H3R TO B3...
TEREZI: 1...JUST W4NT H3R TO B3...
TEREZI: TH3 C3NT3R OF *MY* 3V3RYTH1NG
TEREZI: JUST M3! NO ON3 3LS3...
JOHN: terezi, i know you still don't know if you love vriksa. but i'm going to tell you right now that sounded hella fucking gay.
TEREZI: 1T D1D??
TEREZI: WH4T DO3S TH4T M34N THOUGH???
JOHN: oh-ho! look who is being the xenophobe now! not knowing what it means to be totally hella gay.
TEREZI: FUCK YOU 3GB3RT! >:[
TEREZI: US1NG MY OWN JOK3S 4G41NST M3 TO M4K3 M3 F33L B3TT3R!
TEREZI: *SN1FF* YOU B4ST4RD!
JOHN: ill make it simple for you.
JOHN: imagine rose and kanaya.
TEREZI: UH HUH
JOHN: now picture every version of themselves coming together into one version of themselves
TEREZI: OK... >:? 1 DONT S33 WH3R3 YOU 4R3 GO1NG W1TH TH1S...
JOHN: and then think about each of them kissing that other version of themselves
JOHN: now finally image that it is you and vriska instead.
JOHN: and that is what it means to be "hella gay"
JOHN: so question for you terezi.
JOHN: are you hella gay for vriska?
You don't move. You just sit there with your mouth hanging open like a dumbass. Several seconds go by while your hella gay brain tries to deal with your hella gay thoughts because you are in fact way to gay to function right this second. You didn't even understand what the word meant but now with John laying it out for you...
You bury your face into your hands and hunch over not wanting to look at John. Not wanting to look or smell or hear anything. Because you have known the truth for so long but you just didn't want to face the reality of that truth.
TEREZI: Y3S JOHN
TEREZI: 1 4M 1N F4CT
TEREZI: 4PP4R3NTLY H3LL4 G4Y 4S 4LL FUCK FOR VR1SK4
JOHN: and do you love her?
What kind of fucking question was that? You had only graduated to the hella gay stage of admitting your feelings and this unapologetic nerd looser was trying to get you to go for a full break?? Who the hell did he think he was??? He is a projection cause by you. He is you telling yourself to admit stuff to yourself you goober. You hate yourself for feeling week and for thinking this way about yourself, so you recreated a friend that as far as you know, is one of the most pure beings in existence, tied only with the mayor. And he is asking you if you love a girl that you have known for all your life, that you fought and argued with almost constantly, and not a day goes by where you are not thinking about her...
TEREZI: 1N MY POOR SH4TT3R3D H34RT TH4T H4S B33N BROK3N 4ND STOMP3D ON BY 4LL OF WH4T P4R4DOX SP4C3 H4S TO THROW 4T M3
TEREZI: 1 LOV3 H3R
TEREZI: 1 T3R3Z1 PYROP3, LOV3R OF L4W 4ND DR4GONS 4ND FR13NDS 4ND H4T3R OF JOHN 3GB3RT 4ND 4LL H1S DORKN3SS, DO SO SOL3MNLY SW34R 4 PROM1S3 TO TH3 MULT1V3RS3, TH4T 1 FUCK1NG LOV3 VR1SK4 S3RK3T!
TEREZI: 4ND 1 PR4Y TO 4NY GOD, MONST3R, OR HORROR T3RROR TH4T C4N H3R3 M3
TEREZI: T3LL M3 HOW TO FUCK1NG STOP!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: 1T 4LL ST4RT3D WH3N 1 W4S BORN.
TEREZI: JUST ON3 LOOK 4T K4RK4T W4S 3NOUGH TO CONV1NC3 M3 TH4T 1 W4S SUP3R G4Y FOR TH3 R3ST OF MY L1F3.
Chapter 5: Terezi: Continue.
Terezi continues to talk about her complicated feelings for Vriska.
I'm calling it now. Terezi's little blush emoticon is the cutest thing I've done with her.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
John is nodding as you pour your heart out about Vriska. He still has that small sad smile on his face. He had you marked from the start. D4MN you're stupid lousy subconscious!
JOHN: hey, god here. do you need help?
You are a bit taken aback by his manner but then again, John always seemed to get to the heart of matters eventually. Like a lion playing with it's food before going straight for the jugular.
TEREZI: JOHN 1 W4S K1ND4 JUST R4NT1NG OUT LOUD H3R3
TEREZI: BUT...WH4T COULD YOU T3LL M3 TH4T 1 WOULDNT 4LR34DY KNOW??
JOHN: i seem to know stuff that only the other john's know.
JOHN: maybe it's because of your mind powers?
JOHN: you just *see* the right john in the right situation and *poof* here i am.
TEREZI: S33MS L1K3LY
TEREZI: 4LL OUR POW3RS S33M TO H4V3 4 T3ND3NCY TO CH4NG3 SL1GHTLY 4S CH4LL3NG3S 4R1S3
JOHN: yeah i noticed that too.
JOHN: so, do you really want to stop loving vriska?
TEREZI: 1TS H4RD TO 3XPL41N
TEREZI: 1V3 JUST B33N CH4S1NG H3R FOR SO LONG 4ND WH4T DO 1 G3T FOR MY TROUBL3???
TEREZI: TO S33 H3R D13 TW1C3, 4 SW33P OF 4LMOST H4V1NG H3R, 4ND FOR SW33PS ON 3ND OF S34RCH1NG ONLY FOR H3R TO B3 R1GHT B4CK WH3R3 1 ST4RT3D??? BLUHHHH!
TEREZI: 1 JUST M1GHT B3 T1R3D OF CH4S1NG H3R
JOHN: do you think that, maybe she needs to chase you for a while?
TEREZI: 1T M1GHT JUST B3 H3R THOUGH
TEREZI: SH3 H4S M4D3 3V3RY P3RSON 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 TO STOP G1V1NG 4 SH1T 4BOUT H3R
JOHN: ha. that's a bit sad huh?
JOHN: well, i think with me gone, tavros getting zapped by english, and you giving up...you might be right.
JOHN: i don't think vriska really has anyone else to care about her.
You pause and think. Come to think about it, no. There was no one left in Paradox Space that cared about Vriska. Almost all her old friends were dead. Karkat didn't care for her. Kanaya dropped her and moved onto Rose. All the human kids had reasons not to care. Rose might dislike her but she respected her being a hardass on her and getting her off the booze, didn't mean she liked her though. Dave was a no show. Jade would despise her for the years she put her too sleep. She had been an ass to Joke...JAKE, you meant Jake. See? Even that barb was originated by her. Jane and Roxy didn't know anything about her. Dirk was completely set against her for reasons that you could understand but didn't agree with.
That left you and John like he said. And he was dead. Well, this version of him. You don't really know about the other one. Did he still care about Vriska? Wait shit! Meenah! They used to date right??? And she was alive again so maybe?? No, wasn't she with Karkat there? And anyway, didn't she leave that ghost (Vriska) for her Vriska who now was also called (Vriska)? She probably didn't even know she was there. Or didn't care.
Against your better judgement, you are beginning to feel sorry for your former moilrail. Dammit Egbert, making you feel sorry for Vriska.
TEREZI: D4MM1T 3GB3RT! YOUR3 M4K1NG M3 F33L SORRY FOR VR1SK4
JOHN: you already were, i can tell.
JOHN: do you think if things were different, it would be you being the center of things instead of her?
You thought you were numb to surprise and shock by now. But John is apparently not done with fucking up your beliefs that you held to your core. thats not the only thing of yours he fucked EHHHHHHH! *wonk* You had thought of a hella lot of things about Vriska. You've thought about kissing, killing, hugging, punching, yelling, shouting, kissing again but black, maybe even getting physical with her in other ways. oh hell yeah! But never about being her, that had never once occurred to you.
TEREZI: 1 N3V3R W4NT3D TO B3 TH3 C3NT3R OF 4TT3NT1ON L1K3 H3R
TEREZI: N3V3R 4 L34D3R
TEREZI: 1 W4S OK W1TH K4RK4T T4K1NG TH4T SPOT 1N OUR S3SS1ON 4ND 1 PURPOS3LY PUT VR1SK4 1N TH4T POS1T1ON DUR1NG OUT M3T3OR TR1P
TEREZI: 1 W4S MOR3 TH3N OK TO B3 S3COND 1N COMM4ND BOTH T1M3S
TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 KNOWS TH4TS WH3R3 4LL TH3 R34L D3C1S1ONS G3T M4D3 4NYW4Y!
TEREZI: 1TS WH3R3 1 WORK B3ST!
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH4TS WHY 1 W4S SO SUR3 TH4T SH3 4ND 1 W3R3 SO CONN3CT3D!
TEREZI: TH3 SCOURG3 S1ST3RS!
TEREZI: SH3 OUT FRONT 4ND 1 R1GHT B3S1D3 H3R SHOW1NG TH3 W4Y TO GO
TEREZI: YOU KNOW?
John nodded. He's recalling a memory that had also seemed so important at the time. It was another girl looking for a friend, or maybe they had been more then friends?, somewhere out in the void. He had given her a ring. She had been so happy to have it, so happy to know that her friend was soon going to be alive again. He had held her hand and zapped away his whole planet back into canon. He hoped he wasn't in the way again. Harleberts always seemed to be in the way when it came to the gay OTP.
oh whoever could this mystery girl be??? hint: she types in pink ;)
JOHN: and you think it has to do with your ultimate self?
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 4LL TH4T MUCH 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: 1T H4S TO D34L W1TH TH3 4SP3CT OF H34RT 4ND TH3 CONN3CT1ON W1TH YOUR 4LT3RN4T3 S3LV3S
TEREZI: 1V3 4LW4YS GOTT3N 4LONG W1TH MY OTH3R S3LV3S
TEREZI: W3 WORK TOG3TH3R 4LL TH3 T1M3 TO 4CH13V3 TH1NGS MOST WOULD S4Y 1S 1MPOSS1BL3
TEREZI: W34TH3R 1TS MY FUTUR3 S3LF T3LL1NG M3 4BOUT CR4ZY 4MOUNTS OF C4SH OR M3SS1NG W1TH TH3 C4NON THROUGH YOU
TEREZI: 4LL MY OTH3R S3LV3S 1 L1K3
TEREZI: 1TS JUST M3 1 H4V3 PROBL3MS W1TH
TEREZI: 1M...1M NOT V3RY H4PPY W1TH MYS3LF JOHN
John can tell it had taken a lot for you to say that. He scoots over to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder. You kind of bury your face into his chest and rub yourself against him. You think about the last time you saw his chest and an image of poorly wrapped bandages and blood comes up in a vision behind him. You try really hard not to think about how amazing his blood smells. You are trying real hard to stop yourself from scraping him up with your nails just to smell it again.
You barely resist the urge.
You take another deep breath and continue, getting yourself comfortable so you really lean into John now. More of a cuddle then comfort now, but the cuddle is comforting none the less.
TEREZI: WH3N 1 W4S TH4T OTH3R T3R3Z1
TEREZI: 1 D3SP1S3D MYS3LF FOR K1LL1NG VR1SK4
TEREZI: 3V3N THOUGH 4T TH3 T1M3 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S TH3 ONLY W4Y TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 3LS3
TEREZI: 1 C4M3 TO D1SCOV3R TH4T G4MZ13 H4D 4 H4ND 1N MY D3C1S1ON M4K1NG 4ND M4N1PUL4T3D M3 1NTO TH4T 4CT1ON
TEREZI: 1 F3LT L1K3 4 MOTH3RFUCK1NG 1D1OT FOR F4LL1NG FOR 1T!
JOHN: so that scarf was just you yelling at yourself then?
TEREZI: PR3TTY MUCH
TEREZI: BUT 3V3N B3FOR3 TH4T
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S SOM3 TH1NGS 1 W4SNT PROUD OF TH4T 1 D1D
TEREZI: MOSTLY W1TH H3R
TEREZI: 3V3N THOUGH 1T L34D TO MY BL1NDN3SS
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 1 CONS1D3R R34LLY R34LLY 1MPORT4NT TO M3!
TEREZI: 1T C4M3 4T TH3 COST OF HURT1NG OTH3RS
TEREZI: T4VROS D1DNT D3S3RV3 TO G3T P4R4LYZ3D
TEREZI: 4R4D14 D1DNT D3S3RV3 TO D13
TEREZI: TH4TS ON VR1SK4 4ND WH4T 4N 4WFUL FUCK1NG B1TCH SH3 W4S
TEREZI: BUT 4LL TH4T N33D3D TO H4PP3N!
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK MR V4N1LL4 M1LKSH4K3S JUST LOV3S TY1NG HORR1BL3 3V3NTS TO TH1NGS TH4T *H4V3* TO H4PP3N
TEREZI: 4ND TH3R3 W4SNT 4 TH1NG W3 COULD DO 4BOUT 1T W1THOUT DOOM1NG US 4LL
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3R3 W4S 4 T1M3L1N3 WH3R3 SH3 D1DNT L1ST3N TO H1M 4ND K1LL 4R4D14
TEREZI: M4YB3 ON3 WH3R3 PUSH1NG T4VROS OFF TH3 CL1FF W4S JUST 4 ST3P TO F4R
TEREZI: BUT 1T C4NT H4PP3N, NOT 1N C4NON
TEREZI: NOT 4 T1M3 WH3R3 TH3 "R34L" STORY H4PP3N3D
You are shaking very badly. John has wrapped his other arm around you and pulled you in close. You still can't stop from shaking.
TEREZI: 4ND ON3 WH3R3 1 D1DNT H4V3 TO HURT MY B3ST FR13ND
TEREZI: BUT UNL1K3 YOU H1TT1NG H3R 4ND S4V1NG H3R L1F3
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK TH3R3 1S 4NY W4Y TO CH4NG3 TH4T
TEREZI: 1TS TOO FUND4M3NT4L
TEREZI: TOO 1MPORT4NT
TEREZI: FOR MY OWN S4K3 TH4NKS TO H3R BL1ND1NG M3 1F NOTH1NG 3LS3
TEREZI: MY OWN M3SS3D UP S3NS3 OF "JUST1C3" 1SNT 3V3N COM1NG 1NTO 1T
TEREZI: MY FR13NDS 4LL THOUGHT TH4T SH3 D3S3RV3D 1T
TEREZI: 3V3N VR1SK4 PR3TTY MUSH TOLD M3 L4T3R TH4T
TEREZI: "Yeah that's fair. Them's the 8r8ks!"
TEREZI: L1K3 SH3 KN3W TH4T SH3 COULDN'T DO 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT 1T 31TH3R
JOHN: so vriska did nothing wrong?
TEREZI: TH3 PROBL3M 1S
TEREZI: TH4T 3V3N 1F MR V4N1LL4 M1LKSH4K3S FORC3D H3R 1NTO TH4T D3C1S1ON
TEREZI: OR SH3 W4S "M1ND CONTROLL3D" BY SOM3 OR4NG3 4SSHOL3 1N SOM3 UN1NT4NG1BL3 W4Y TH4T M4K3S NO S3NS3
TEREZI: SH3 ST1LL D1D 1T
TEREZI: L1K3 B1TCH M3 TOO!
TEREZI: 4ND 1 ST1LL FOUND 4 W4Y TO M4K3 1T B3TT3R
JOHN: oh, was that why she brought tavros back to life?
TEREZI: 1 D1DNT R34LLY *F3LL* L1K3 SH3 W4S V3RY R3MORS3FUL WH1L3 SH3 D1D TH4T R1GHT?
TEREZI: 1T W4SNT 4BOUT T4VROS H1MS3LF
TEREZI: 1T W4S ST1LL 4BOUT FUCK1NG H3R!
TEREZI: SH3 H4T3D TH3 GUY
TEREZI: 4ND NOT TH3 FUN K1ND OF H4T3 W3 H4V3
TEREZI: H3 STOOD 4T TH3 OTH3R 3ND OF TH3 SP3CTRUM OF SUCC3SS
TEREZI: H3 H4DNT DON3 MUCH TO W1N G4M3S OR G3T 4CH13V3M3NTS OR 3V3N G3T 4LL TH3 L3V3LS
TEREZI: H3 W4S H4PPY JUST TO B3 TH3R3!
TEREZI: VR1SK4 COULDNT ST4ND TH4T
TEREZI: SOM3ON3 COULD JUST B3 H4PPY W1TH WH4T TH3Y H4D?? WH1L3 TH3Y W3R3 SO W34K?? N3V3R!
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH4TS WHY SH3 H4T3D J4D3 SO MUCH TOO
JOHN: wait??? vriska hates jade??? when did that happen?
TEREZI: YOU 3V3N WOND3R WHY J4D3 SL3PT SO OFT3N?
JOHN: WHY THAT HUGE BITCH!!!
JOHN: WOW! what had jade ever do to her???
TEREZI: J4D3 H4S N3V3R T4LK3D TO VR1SK4, MUCH L3SS M3T H3R
TEREZI: W3LL, ONC3
TEREZI: WH3N SH3 W3NT 4LL GR1MB4RK 4ND VR1KS4 PUT H3R TO SL33P
TEREZI: 1TS STUFF L1K3 TH4T
TEREZI: TH3 L1TTL3 3V1LS 1 TH1NK 1 H4T3 4BOUT H3R TH3 MOST
TEREZI: WHY DO3S SH3 DO 1T?
TEREZI: DO3S SH3 G3T SOM3 PL34SUR3 OUT OF DO1NG 1T???
TEREZI: DO3S SH3 JUST H4T3 3V3RYON3 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG?
TEREZI: DO3S SH3 H4T3 M3?
There is a certainty to his voice that you don't think you have ever heard. You look at him. You have teal streaks running down your face. You don't care that he sees them.
JOHN: vriska doesn't hate you.
JOHN: i think she hates herself mostly.
JOHN: with the conversations I have had with her i think she does actually care about her friends. she just has a very terrible way of showing it.
JOHN: as for you terezi, still no.
JOHN: i think karkat said once that her hatred was too weak, dull, rusted from overuse to work as a proper kiss-whats-its.
JOHN: and i think that the same goes for her, uhh, *hating* someone.
JOHN: she is far too full of her own hatred for her to *really* mean it. that time she stole the treasure and meenah from herself comes to mind as an example.
JOHN: maybe if she can ever reconcile with herself or maybe become her ultimate self, maybe she can find it with in her to actually love somebody else too?
JOHN: i don't know. now i just sound dumb.
TEREZI: NO 1TS F1N3
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS R1GHT
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F TH3R3 4R3 SOM3 TH1NGS 1N TH3R3 TH4T 4R3 NOT TRU3
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1F VR1SK4 "4LL-TH3-L3V3LS" S3RK3T COULD 3V3R H4NDL3 B31NG H3R ULT1M4T3 S3LF
TEREZI: C4N YOU 1M4G1N3 4LL THOS3 D1FF3R3NT V3RS1ONS OF H3R COM1NG TOG3TH3R???
TEREZI: SH3 WOULD FUCK1NG 3XPLOD3!
JOHN: i don't know. i've met a few of my other selves and they seemed to be alright.
JOHN: maybe it wouldn't be that bad?
TEREZI: OH JOHN
TEREZI: JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN
JOHN: that's my name. don't wear it out.
TEREZI: JOHN 1V3 S41D 1T B3FOR3 4ND 1LL S4Y 1T 4G41N
TEREZI: BUT YOU N3V3R CH4NG3!!!
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F YOU W3R3 TO G41N YOUR ULT1M4T3 S3LF 1LL B3T YOU WOULD B3 3X4CTLY TH3 S4M3 4S YOU 4R3 NOW!
TEREZI: 1V3 KNOWN YOU 4LL YOUR L1F3 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 W1GGL3R TH4T CR4SH3D DOWN ON TOP OF YOUR 4NC3STOR 1S TH3 3X4CT S4M3 ON3 TH4T C4LL3D M3 B34UT1FUL 1N TH3 DY1NG L1GHT OF TH3 UN1V3RS3!
JOHN: you are still beautiful in the light from your planet.
JOHN: that's not a thing that stops happening just because you changed locations.
TEREZI: ST1LL S4Y1NG STUP1DLY 4DOR4BL3 TH1NGS 1 S33 3GB3RT! >:P
JOHN: i only say then when i am with you.
JOHN: and you said you only say that when the nerds in question include me.
TEREZI: OH JUST SHUT UP PL34S3!!!
JOHN: terezi...are you blushing???
TEREZI: TH4T 1S 4N 4BSOLUT3 F1LTHY L13 4ND YOU SHOULD D13 FOR 3V3N SUGG3ST1NG 1T!!
JOHN: ah but terezi
JOHN: how do expect me to die
JOHN: when i am *already dead*!!
TEREZI: NOW YOUR JUST T1CKL1NG M3! 4HH! NO STOP W41T T1M3OUT! H4!H4!H4!
JOHN: come on terezi! admit your pretty!
TEREZI: NO! H3H3H3H3! STOP! NO! 1M 4N UGLY G4RB4G3 GOBL1N WHO *H4H4H4H4JOHNNOPL34S3* 34TS CH4LK!N4H4H4H4!!
JOHN: nu-uh! your sexy as hell! go on say it!
TEREZI: JOHN 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO K1SS MY 34R OF SOM3TH1NG??
TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU SO CLOS3??
JOHN: maybe i was going to eat it as a snack.
TEREZI: YOU WOULDNT D4R3!
JOHN: yeah i would!
John bit you on the ear because I guess you taste a bit like candy corn or something. This sets you off and you spin around and start biting his neck like a fucking rainbow drinker. Seriously Terezi, you should ask Kanaya if she can check you over for any matching DNA. Your practically family already.
Then you two end up hate snogging and it fells fucking great! Your not really sure how you can be having this little black romantic fling, but you don't care. You both end up on the floor. You on top, John underneath you. (omg. yeas. yeeaaaassss!!)
You both look at each other thinking about what happened last time you both were making out like this and your both wondering weather or not to do it again. Your just on the point of saying screw it and flinging your shirt off again, when you hear a voice that you had all but forgotten about. (aww! come on! wheres my rumble spheres at man!)
DRAGONSPRITE: hey terezi!
DRAGONSPRITE: i know i wanted you two to kiss but don't you have things to do?
DRAGONSPRITE: just saying!
With your little heart to heart you've had with John, you had forgotten about your dragonmom. She had just been flying there, watching you make out with him. She probably been giggling to herself too. You wonder what part of your psyche she represents. Whatever side likes to be awkward and weird you guess. That is rather a large part of you, you remind yourself.
TEREZI: C4NT YOU S33 W3R3 K1ND4 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF SOM3TH1NG??
DRAGONSPRITE: i can leave!
JOHN: no. no. that's fine dragonmom.
JOHN: i think we needed to stop anyway.
John sat up, pushing you up with him. You don't exactly pout about how sexy fun time has been brought to an abrupt end. But you feel...horny now that John got you all riled up. John uses his windsock of a god hood to wipe off the blood from his face. He tries to clean up your face too, but you quickly wipe it on the back off your hand instead so that you can lick off all of John delicious candy colored blood. God you're a weirdo. John puts a hand on your head and rubs you between the horns. For some reason it makes you feel happy.
JOHN: we need to finish your emotional thing right?
TEREZI: WHY'D YOU STOP???
JOHN: uh, because your moms right there???
DRAGONSPRITE: seriously, i can go!
DRAGONSPRITE: you two are so cute together!!
DRAGONSPRITE: i hate to interrupt anything!
TEREZI: SH3S 4 F1GM3NT OF MY TW1ST3D M1ND
TEREZI: WHO C4R3S??
JOHN: um, so am i terezi.
That really puts a damper on things. You are reminded that this is in fact NOT the real John. He is a part of you, that you were just giving hate snogs too...NO! Bad Terezi! He was a part of you that is helping you with your issues...(maybe issues involving a little quick pull and scratch huh?? wonkwonkwonk)
maybe show him what a little *bulge* can go into be a big *nook* hmmm?? huh?? hmmm???
here ill even do the eyebrow thing!
look at tem. they are out of control! they are telling you that having your mum there watching aint weird and to go back totes makin out with the macho egbertz. he totes hot and available. who care if hes just a memory! give into the mental masturbation! lay the lips upon that nerdy mouth and fucker up!
you all of a sudden
"All of a sudden"
all of a sudden grab your head cause you got a new voice in it telling you some stuff.
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK???
JOHN: terezi? you ok???
shes fine john. shell be better then ok cause im here taken over this BITCH! (not to say u is the bitch tz!) this bitch meaning the crazy words all jumbled up into this so called story us is all up and participating in. but maybe what she really needs is a more obvious manipulator here. some1 she knowz is bias as fuuuuuck but wants the BEST 4 my ol BFF TZ!
thatz right fuckers! ME! ro-lal master herself! this nothin story needs a little, stirin up if u will.
thats right....IM GONNA SPICE THIS SHIT UP!!!
these nerds obv need a bit of a push to get their boners back up (lol tenticalbulge joke). so lets see if i cant persuade dem to be not such weenies and just do the grim-fan-fucko!
ohh! ill give myself a fancy command and everfin!!
I have no idea where I am going with this.
well i do. we wanna see "action" dammit!
If you want you might want to skip the next chapter. It's going to get a little meta and isn't really important.
wha? and skip the roxy intermission?
you never skip any intermission, ever!
so dont listen to him. go on. click next. we both know your gonna do it anyway.
Chapter 6: roxy: get em to do the grim-fan-fucko
how bout we get this mother fuckin party...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Begin Roxy Intermission
Roxy, what are you doing
tellin a mother fuckin story duh
No. I mean what the hell are doing narrating! You are not even supposed to be in this particular fan fiction.
pshh i totes am. im gonna be part of a gourd gongshow later just u watch
Shh!! Roxy, I haven't even written that part of the story yet! That's a spoiler! You can't just go and tell your audience stuff about the future.
yeah you can. they forget stuff all the time. like, did they forget about callie's speech about how stories are super bias and shit. and how it boiled down to dont trust a narrator no matter their intentions. surly they were wondering who u r??
Well they will now! Sigh. I was going to drop this whole idea you know. Terezi would have been just fine without ever knowing I was here narrating her little reunion with John and maybe worked out some personal issues but you had to come along and ruin it.
lol please. that is some fine grade bs if i ever saw any!
if you wanted this for tz you would have dropped from the narration all together. you didnt want this for her, you wanted this for yourself
...No. I genuinely wanted her to have some closure! To have her look at her life in a new and interesting way! Maybe discover something about herself
ha! gonna bring u a whole farm up with all that manure. mmm-HMM yup. an entire barn of cow dung there. the bullshit just does not stop from getting taller
...OK, even I'm confused and I'm the one writing this story.
thats what im getting at you shipping sod! we r fictional characters get it?!
we dont learn jack! the only way we can ever change is by having some outside force make up said change. so dont think for a moment that this story has tz "changing" of anything like that. this is probably being written by some straight white dude who dont know nothin abut real relationships
Why are you here Roxy?
the hunk you wouldnt let finish porkin tz push a button or 2 and bam! here i am
No. Why are you here in this story, talking to me?
What do you mean you don't know???
lol. u wrote the story dude. u tell me
What I think is going on here is that in Homestuck proper almost every in-universe author is a self-insert...
that is most defiantly what she said
*wonk* *wonk* *wonk*
Self-insert CHARACTER that has a canonical "waifu" that has an disproportional impact on the plot.
For AH it is Vriska.
For Dirk it is Jake.
For Calliborn it is the Godess of Manga.
It represents his sister Calliope.
Yes, it is disgusting. But you can't really deny what effect she has thanks to his influence now can you? There is however one more Alt-Author I need to mention. Alternate Calliope, thanks to her self-insert character as the Calliope you know, has a canon waifu of you.
aww! thats so sweet of her!
She is a sweetheart. And I agree with John's assessment that you two are cute together.
thats nice of you say but wha that got to do w u?
I'm a talentless hack and just copied her. It's you Roxy, you are without question, my favorite character in Homestuck. Even more than John and I relate to him more then I have for almost any other fictional character I have ever read.
im ur fav????
ooo! what kind of porn u got of me?!
..........what the fuck.
cmon! tell me!
is it like super beta vanillia mexjohn stuff or a lot of kinky mexcallie hot hentai tentacles???
that sounds really choice actually. send me some!
Roxy... you are a disembodied voice of a narrator. You don't even HAVE a physical form.
i can just give myself one!
roxy appears outa bumfuck nowhere on the side of the building lookin at the two cuties together
I can't believe you are using your void powers as an excuse to put yourself into the story.
she doesnt hear the douchebags voice telling her off for interrupting this choice meeting. she instead goes forward to greet her two buddies and a smooch-a-roo of a lifetime
Why are you doing this?
cause they deserve some sexy time together dammit!
You can't solve all your problems by kissing Roxy! Down that way lies trickster thinking. You know better than anyone that you can't force these things!
i give them a shout
ROXY: hey losers!
Roxy, what is it going to take to stop this?
they turn around all surprised to see me. tz is specially surprised. she got her cute face on like this: >:O
What even is your perspective her? Are you in first person now or what? I'm going to have to declare this whole Roxy Intermission non-canon.
now youre just being a rules lawyer to get me to stop. but, fiiiiiine. i guess id better do this properly for this to 'count'
you are ROXY LALONDE (yes you, yeah you. the reader. yup im talking about you. the one reading this right now. you are now me. think you can handle it cutie? *wonk*)
And now you are flirting with the reader. What is this accomplishing?
hey, i cant help it if they r cute! look at em being all confused and shit by this
oh! hey since i did that can i tag this work as mexreader?
No. I forbid it. It isn't relevant to the current story.
too late already added it
Oh my god.
say cutie! is that a rocket pack in your pocket or r u just happy to see me?
That's your pick up line?
sorry! there's a whole lot of them. idk what they like, what their interests are, or even what they look like!
You are just bullshitting around now. Isn't there a Terezi and John story going on that you are ignoring?
fuck. shit. yeah. sorry. (later! ill call u!)
you (still you cutie) are now me and u think that this sadness has gone on long enough! u r so ready to go in and make them start kissing again. while ur @ it u wanna get in on that! john's kisses r nothing to shake off and tz ain't bad neither!
u strut over to em all suave like and throw your arms around the troll mad of hella pointy angles and rulers and shit (cause shes sharp/shark) and tell her
ROXY: hey babe
(fuckin smooth as hell)
she gives u a look of...uh...pure adoration! and then opens her mouth to give u an undying deceleration of love
TEREZI: 4ND 1 THOUGHT TH4T YOU D1DNT L1K3 TO T4LK TH1S MUCH G33Z!
TEREZI: YOU'R3 WORS3 TH3N D1RK!
ROXY: no i am not! hes a bastard! he tore apart rose & kk!
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 3X4CTLY 4R3 YOU DO1NG R1GHT NOW?
ROXY: im helping you weenies out and making it super gay!
Uh Roxy, aren't you a man now? How would you making out with Terezi make the story and I quote "super gay".
shoosh! johns here there4: still gay. sides, im so over all the bs gender shit. so im going with all the pronouns
give me all the he/she/her/him/they/thems. im all and none of them!
Uh...I defiantly don't want to get into this topic...
point is, bout the whole gender thin is that every ship involvin me is now gay
john n me? epic divorce men x two combo, gay
janexme? sweet cotton n candy, super gay
callie & me?? they x2 paired together, 200 percent gaaaaaayyyy plus!
ive reached a personal gay singularity and aint no one tellin me what is and isnt a canon ship. cause if all the final endgame ships r gay: then i has got them all!! all ur ships? they mine now. my ship city now
OK now you're just being difficult. And horribly out of character.
you slowly lean into terezi whos about to confess her love to you now that shes over vriska 4ever and that she'd like nothin better then to make out with her spade crush and her new love of her life
TEREZI: 1M NOT OV3R H3R THOUGH!
TEREZI: TH4T W4S TH3 WHOL3 FUCK1NG PO1NT OF TH3 3P1LOGU3S!
TEREZI: YOUR 4NT1CS W3R3 QU3ST1ON4BL3 4T B3ST
TEREZI: BUT NOW YOU'R3 JUST B31NG 4N 4SS
Yeah, I'm calling it now. You're just a bogus Roxy. John I need you to run into her with a flying wooden horse.
To get rid of a bogus Roxy, she needs to suffer from a tragic horse accident.
JOHN: that sounds dumb and stupid but whatever.
JOHN: where would i even find one of those?
Uh, Homosuck Act 2.
JOHN: you mean calliope's bro shitty fan fic??
ROXY: le sign
JOHN: terezi, can you pull that up?
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1TS N3XT TO ROXYS W1ZF1C
ROXY: hey! dont compare my awful scribblings to callies douche bag bad bros cartoon rectangles!
ROXY: mine had hella foreshadowing n wizards n shit!
So did Caliborn's writing. A whole Land of SHIT!
ROXY: oh come on!
ROXY: im not being that terrible!
ROXY: im i being that bad tz?
TEREZI: NOT R34LLY
TEREZI: 1TS 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF H1L4R1OUS HOW D3SP3R4T3 YOU 4R3!
ROXY: hah i aint anywhere near desperate
JOHN: just thirsty as fuck.
ROXY: k. ill own up to that one!
TEREZI: L1K3 1 S41D
ROXY: i honest to gog just want u 2 2 get down to some funny bznez is all!
JOHN: you seem to be projecting roxy.
JOHN: r u trying to live vicariously through us or something?
JOHN: i mean, are you.
ROXY: i mean like we totes got married in the candy timeline?
ROXY: so.....i dont think so's????
To be fair, if anyone came up to you and offered to marry you, you would say yes.
ROXY: not just anyone!!!
TEREZI: H3Y ROXY
TEREZI: W1LL YOU M4RRY M3??
TEREZI: H4! H4! H4!
TEREZI: TROLLS DONT DO W3DD1NGS R3M3MB3R!
ROXY: rose and kk totally got lesbian human married!
JOHN: default culture pair mating event.
TEREZI: B3S1D3S WHO'D G3T TH3 GOWN 4ND WHO G3TS TH3 TUX?
ROXY: hmm, good point
ROXY: both of us are like hella butch so thats out
ROXY: and were both tops so we cant decide with that
JOHN: wait. how are you a top?
TEREZI: S1L3NC3 BOTTOM!
TEREZI: US 4LPH4 TOPS 4R3 D1SCUSS1NG OUT D3F4ULT CULTUR4L P41R M4T1NG 3V3NT
JOHN: you're getting way too into this.
TEREZI: 1 C4NT H3LP 1T!
TEREZI: SH3S 4 SH4M3L3SS FL1RT
TEREZI: 1M 4 SH4M3L3SS FL1RT
TEREZI: W3 GO TOG3TH3R L1K3 H3R H1V3 ON F1R3!
JOHN: roxy, sorry to say this but in regards to your self proclaimed top status...you're kinda clingy.
ROXY: whaaaaaaaaaaa no i aint!
JOHN: if i'm remembering our marriage together and your attitude to your friends....you kinda are?
ROXY: i. do. not. b. leive. this.
ROXY: narrator guy, back me up here
I'm with John on this one. You can be really clingy with your friends. Especially Jane.
JOHN: yeah didn't she turn into like
JOHN: the second coming of betty crocker?
ROXY: oh shes not that bad!
JOHN: she declared the execution of the troll race!
ROXY: that doesnt make her like
ROXY: literally evil tho
TEREZI: OK 1M GO1NG TO STOP YOU TWO TH3R3
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1T SOUNDS L1K3 4 CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T YOU H4V3 H4D B3FOR3
ROXY: why did i say all that bout jane tho???
TEREZI: HUH >:?
ROXY: cause she kinda turned into a shitty friend and i felt like i needed to protect her...
ROXY: but at the same time...she really did turn evil?!?!??
ROXY: ok my brain hurts. narrator guy? what's going on here?????
ROXY: im kinda startin to freak the fuck out here
Huh. I think this is you dealing with all the different versions of yourself, canonical or otherwise.
ROXY: what the f u talkin bout?
JOHN: oh right.
JOHN: we're starting to get to know all our other selves now.
JOHN: i thought that might have just been me though cause i'm kinda a brain ghost in terezi's head?
TEREZI: TH4TS WH4T 1 THOUGHT W4S H4PP3N1NG TOO
JOHN: don't know why it would be affecting you though.
TEREZI: M4YB3 B3C4US3 YOUR 1N MY H34D SL4SH DR34M R1GHT NOW?
TEREZI: 1 W4SNT GO1NG TO S4Y 4NYTH1NG C4US3 1 W4S 3NJOY1NG TH3 OUTF1T D1SCUSS1ON
ROXY: we can totes go back to that
Please don't encourage her Terezi.
TEREZI: W3LL 1 W4S TH1NK1NG 1 SHOULD G3T TH3 TUX
ROXY: ooo! i thought it should be me cause of the lalonde connection
TEREZI: GOOD 4RGUM3NT
TEREZI: BUT 1 W4S TH1NK1NG 4BOUT M3 1N 4 N1C3 L1COR1C3 SU1T 4ND 4 D3L1C1OUS R3D T13 4ND TH3 WHOL3 3NS3MBL3 JUST SM3LT 4M4Z1NG!
ROXY: yeahs that works
ROXY: i will wear the dress then!
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD M4K3 1T P1NK SO 1T W1LL T4ST3 L1K3 COTTON C4NDY
ROXY: oh! and little mutant cat faces in the lace! (yeeeesss)
JOHN: huh. this sounds an awful lot like what you wore for our wedding actually.
ROXY: wait, it is??????????
It does??? I don't think we got to see it in canon non-canon...
JOHN: yup. really billowy with you buried in like ten inches deep of fucking lace.
ROXY: so what youre saying is...
ROXY: i looked like i was buried fuck deep in meow beasts.
JOHN: p much.
TEREZI: WHY D1D YOU TWO G3T D1VORC3D 4G41N?
JOHN: cause were pretty bad at talking to one another?
ROXY: were both kinda garbage when it comes to like
ROXY: real shit
TEREZI: YOU N3V3R H4D TH4T PROBL3M W1TH M3
JOHN: you're too annoying to ignore.
TEREZI: 4ND YOU'R3 4 SM4RT 4SS W1TH NON3 OF TH3 SM4RTS!
JOHN: well...you too but without the ass!!
TEREZI: D1D YOU JUST 1NS1NU4T3
TEREZI: TH4T 1 H4V3 NO 4SS??
JOHN: you heard me bone butt.
TEREZI: YOU S4Y1NG 1 H4V3 4 FL4T BUTT????
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT T4K3 YOU FOR 4N 4SS M4N
JOHN: your ass will soon be mine if you don't stop this train of thought.
TEREZI: YOU W4NT TO GR4B MY 4SS???
TEREZI: 1S TH4T WH4T YOUR S4Y1NG??????? >:] >:] >:]
JOHN: that would require you to have one.
TEREZI: TH4TS MY TH1NG!
ROXY: :? huh
TEREZI: C4LL1NG P3OPL3 N3RDS
ROXY: thats just what you call a couple of dorks who obv have a thing for each other
TEREZI: N3WS TO M3!
As much as I just want to sit back and see what happens between the three of you, I really want to get back to the story proper.
ROXY: what??! why???
ROXY: were having fun! (you two are having fun right??)
TEREZI: SURPR1S1NGLY, Y3S
JOHN: yeah same.
JOHN: i thought this was going to turn into one of those horrible doomed timelines like where that other spidertroll tried to jump in and change everything.
ROXY: thats p much what ive been doing huh
JOHN: yeah. i think that's all there is to say on the matter.
ROXY: well now i feel like shit. just comin in and thinkin i know what yall wanted was some sexy times and now here i am feelin like a huge idiot?
ROXY: id even k wha i was doing this for anymore
TEREZI: M4D SMOOCH3S
ROXY: thats right!
ROXY: hey tz!
JOHN: so, what do you want now?
ROXY: still dont kno
ROXY: maybe i should just leave?
ROXY: you guys can pretend i was never here maybe?
JOHN: that is going to be pretty hard.
JOHN: you're rather unforgettable roxy.
ROXY: aww! <3 <3 <3
ROXY: look at you! even after all us being epic divorce men together you still pay me a compliment like that!
ROXY: terezi, don't u dare let that boy go hes a keeper
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 H1S D34D CORPS3 1N 4 W4LL3T
TEREZI: H3 NOT L34V1NG FOR 4 WH1L3
ROXY: well, u got the spirit of the thing
JOHN: my spirit anyway. because im a brain ghost now.
ROXY: seriously! you both are such smartassess!
TEREZI: SO W41T...
TEREZI: YOU'RE JUST...L34V1NG???
ROXY: i fucked up
ROXY: i thought i was being cleaver and doing some 5-d chess or some such bullshit when i got here. thinkin that maybe your guys fellings and thoughts didnt really matter cause of how the story was going
ROXY: and thats real shitty of me to think that considerin what effing dirk is doing in the 'canon' timeline right now
ROXY: and maybe since this story is 'non-canon' it made me realize just how shallow that thought even was?
ROXY: like who give a fuck about what pillars of canon are being used right now to prop up this meeting together
ROXY: you guys are still u! does that make sense?
TEREZI AND JOHN: YOUR F4C3 DO3SNT M4K3 S3NS3
ROXY: shut up! :P
ROXY: but yea
ROXY: with all of this non-canon to play around with and the first thing i do with even an inch of narrative power is like: hey, let's make a god damn smut fic
ROXY: that seems...childish and irresponsible??
TEREZI: H3Y DONT KNOCK 1T
TEREZI: 1 WOULD B3 TOT4LLY DOWN FOR 4 SMUT F1C
TEREZI: TH4T WOULD B3...K1ND OF HOT??
JOHN: terezi please.
TEREZI: SHH! L3T M3 F1N1SH
ROXY: thats what she said! ehhhhhhhhhhh!!!
ROXY: (still got it)
TEREZI: WOULD YOU L3T M3 M4K3 MY PO1NT??
ROXY: yes ill help you even ;) *wonk*
TEREZI: DOUBL3 3NT3NDR3S 4S1D3 1 ST1LL DO W4NT TO *DO 1T* W1TH YOU
ROXY: wha now???
TEREZI: NO! NOT TH1S S3COND!
Please don't. I don't want to raise the age limit of this fanfic any more than I have to.
ROXY: thats what ur worried bout
Look, telling a story where you just go around doing whatever you want is going to cause people everywhere to stop giving a shit about it. To tell a real good story you have to set boundaries for yourself and work within those confinements. Then when a reader sees you go outside those boundaries it's like this whole surprise like "*gasp* I can't believe they went outside the lines that they set themselves! What a twist!" and you can keep doing that until it doesn't matter anymore. Or just do it every once and a while to remind them that is a thing that can happen.
I just wanted this story to be an in depth look at what goes on inside Terezi's head and maybe a small continuation of the Epilogues, not whatever meta bullshit this turned into.
ROXY: please this is homestuck
ROXY: how is there NOT going 2 b meta bs
JOHN: what are you guys talking about??
ROXY: oh john
ROXY: john, johnny, johnny boy, jonathan
JOHN: still my name. still getting worn out.
ROXY: k johnny
ROXY: u do kno u aint real right?
JOHN: yeah, brain ghost here.
ROXY: no no no!
ROXY: what i mean is
ROXY: ur a fictional character
JOHN: what does that even mean???
JOHN: didn't we have this argument about what is and isn't being real already???
JOHN: i had like the biggest fucking mind blow about it.
You pause with your explanation. You begin to realize that you have no fucking idea what you're talking about either. You have spent so much time communicating with your friends that you have realized that they are real, or at least as real as fake fictional characters can be. Who cares if its "not canon"? Who cares that some version of John Egbert might exist in the mind of a very sad and lonely Terezi Pyrope? Someone might.
That's the point of telling stories. To take some part of the universe we don't understand and try to make it all make sense. And here we are trying to make sense of the the story of Homestuck. Look at that. Yet another frikin layer of paradox on top of the already paradoxically tall paradox cake.
Will someone care about the three of you banging in some over indulgent smut piece? Probably not as many people. Does it really add anything? Even to the already tenuous link to "canon/non-canon" as this story is, that kind of story is not that relevant or essential to understand you all as characters.
What could a story like that really do for someone reading it? Like questions of: why are you guys going at it? Is there a plot here?? Is it just for the porn??? yes! give me that sweet sweet titillation!!
Sigh. You're not going to drop this are you?
to tell the truth, this is stupid
i should just peace out back to the void and never come back
ive kinda shat the bed here with my peeps trust and understanding
maybe...just me doing this made some people hate me as a character???
Oh no! It will take a shit ton more than this for people to hate you. They know that you are only acting like this cause I wrote you that way. If you had fucked up, they just point at me, perfect scapegoat. I feel like I have written you SOOO out of character. But it was just this crazy idea I had to just have Roxy show up out of nowhere and have things go screwy. You can't be blamed for all that.
u really think so?
I would have to be a much better writer to change how people saw you Roxy. You have no idea how powerful you actually are.
how am i powerful???
Listen, all of you wanna be gods have powers you can't even possibly understand. Because of your actions, people everywhere dress up just like you Roxy.
Cosplayer dress up like you and your friends all the time. You guys are so cared about and so loved by this community that they bring your likenesses into the real world.
Hell, if you want to see truly unprecedented power just look at John.
does this to do with the retcon thing?
No, he was that powerful even before he stuck his hand inside that juju. You don't have to look any farther for his power then his Con Air poster.
what does con air have to do w anything??
A shit ton as it turns out. For instance: do you know that rabbit you gave to Jane for her thirteenth birthday?
Your mother left it for you right?
Yes. She was given it the day she was born. And a similar rabbit was given to Jake's grandmother.
oh thats where jake got it from then! huh. that was a mystery that no one thought was a mystery etc. etc.
The point is that every one of you kids, human ones anyway, are all connected to this same god damn rabbit. It is the same one as in John's stupid movie.
wow! what does that matter tho?
I'm trying to establish that John through some strange power has made this seemingly small simple rabbit a large part of your early years. It became important, all thanks to John. And because of that, hundreds if not thousands of people every year, on his birthday no less, sit down and watch this garbage movie. EVERY YEAR!
If that isn't some kind of other worldly super power I don't know what is.
why you telling me all this?
It was originally going to be told to Terezi actually. She was going to figure out there was some malevolent force behind the story and we were going to have this whole meta conversation about what characters are and what stories mean and it would be this whole shitty twist. But you forced my hand early, so I'm just using it all here instead. The only thing I didn't use was my cat oc as a person talking to you instead of a disembodied voice. It was going to be an absolute clusterfuck.
Kate, she's my profile picture.
i wanna met her!
Nope. This chapter has gone on for far too long. This wasn't planned, it just sort of happened. And I still got at least, what, three or four chapters to go?? This is never going to get done.
aww can i at least say goodbye to john and tz? they need some reassurance after all the meta bs i pulled on em
I'll allow it. Within reason!
You hug both John and Terezi goodbye. You kiss Terezi on the cheek. It doesn't look like she was trying to stop you. If anything, she looks pleased as hell by the gesture.
JOHN: so what happens now? we just pretend you never showed up?
ROXY: nah, its more then that
ROXY: think of it like your retcon powers. only no one keeps the memories of this timeline
TEREZI: NOT 3V3N YOU?
ROXY: oh i might but i was more worried about not existing anymore
JOHN: you're going to stop existing?!
ROXY: more like, never was in the first place.
ROXY: i got no reason or business being here and with me gone u 2 prop's get back to talking bout feelings and shit
ROXY: well, bye epic divorce man. im sorry about being so bad at talking to ya
JOHN: bye also epic divorce man. sorry about callie and all.
ROXY: nahhh ur good! thanx for say tho!
ROXY: bye tz! dont forget what i said about the wedding now!
TEREZI: BY3 RY! 1 HOP3 1 DONT FORG3T 4BOUT STUFF 4FT3R WH4T3V3R H4PP3NS TH4T 1S SUPPOS3D TO M4K3 US FORG3T STUFF H4PP3NS TO M4K3 M3 FORG3T
ROXY: oh yeah. lol
ROXY: btw were u serious bout the smut thing??
JOHN: god dammit roxy.
ROXY: shursh! let her answer
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 1T COULD B3 FUN
ROXY: hell yes
ROXY: hey boss man!
You turn to the sky with a finger upraised. Then you stop and slowly lower it, your eyes looking down at your shoes.
ROXY: oh nvm
ROXY: that would be dumb. i get it
ROXY: sorry tz. i dont think thats happening
Actually Roxy, since you have shown some real genuine remorse and tried to improve yourself as a character, I was thinking that you deserved a little reward.
Your head snaps up and your eyes grow huge.
ROXY: woah woah woah wait huh??????
You were right. Sometimes it is nice just to dabble in fluff and smut just a little bit. There isn't really any harm in it. Just not important. But as my canon waifu, it seems important to you. Plus I realized that this fiction is itself mostly just fluff so I'd be a friking hypocrite to boot. So what do you say. Do you still want that smut fic?
Your mouth splits into a shit eating grin.
ROXY: fucking perv!
ROXY: yeas i do!
ROXY: oh hey! is tz going to have the you know what?!
I am not discussing that with you in this fic.
ROXY: tz you should kno. do trolls have the tentacle thing or not???
TEREZI: 1 41NT S4Y1NG SH1T
ROXY: john, you canonically fucked her. tell me about her stuff downstairs!!!
JOHN: hehe :)
JOHN: see ya roxy.
ROXY: what! go on tell me!
JOHN: go have fun with those other us'es.
JOHN: i'm sure that they will tell you.
Come on Roxy it is time to go.
ROXY: man, none of u are any fun at all
ROXY: alright, alright, im going, im going
ROXY: bye john <3!
ROXY: bye tz <3!
TEREZI AND JOHN: BY3
You walk away from them and prepare to disappear in the void from whence you came.
hey narrator guy?
can i add a mexterezi tag to this fic too???
we had all kinds of mad chemistry going on
No. You have been locked out of editing tags all together.
like i said. no fun. period
Just wait until the fic I promised you OK?
wait, you were serious about that????? :O
hell fucking yeah lets go!
ROXY: *LOLLIES OUTIE*
You wave one final time to the two dorks then jump. There is a brief flash of dark as you pass into the realm of void as you leave this tale.
There is a brief silence.
TEREZI: NOW WH4T?
Now I change the scene. I give the command to switch the scene to the same setting an hour into the past. Right before the rogue came in.
> Roxy: Be the other girl.
End of Roxy Intermission
Well this spiraled out of control. A normal chapter should be coming soon. I have finals in a week so this is going to be put on pause.
It should be noted that I hand write most of this before I type it out. This chapter alone covered ten sheets both front and back for a total of 20 pages. Uhhhggg....(last chapter was 11)
EDIT: Against my better judgement, I think this fic does actually need a Roxrezi tag.
oh man thats our ship name?? nice!
Chapter 7: Be the other girl.
Terezi keeps talking about feeling and headcanons.
She is also given a choice.
Continue Terezi Intermission Already In Progress
You cannot be the other girl because you are too busy being the only girl. In your head, talking to John Brain Ghost Egbert.
You are Terezi Pyrope again, or rather you never stopped being Terezi. And you surely don't remember having a long conversation with another girl recently. Or perhaps you do. You are the Seer of Mind after all. There is whole host of information that you shouldn't have access too but do anyway.
Luckily for me, you are in a middle of a conversation with John.
> Terezi: Continue conversation.
JOHN: we need to finish your emotional thing right?
TEREZI: WHY'D YOU STOP???
JOHN: uh, because your moms right there???
DRAGONSPRITE: seriously, i can go!
DRAGONSPRITE: you two are so cute together!!
DRAGONSPRITE: i hate to interrupt anything!
TEREZI: SH3S 4 F1GM3NT OF MY TW1ST3D M1ND
TEREZI: WHO C4R3S??
JOHN: um, so am i terezi.
That really puts a damper on things. You are reminded that this is in fact NOT the real John. He is a part of you, that you were just giving hate snogs too...NO! Bad Terezi! He was a part of you that is helping you with your issues...
TEREZI: 1 SUPPOS3 YOU'R3 R1GHT
TEREZI: H3Y MOM?
TEREZI: 1 H4T3 TO 4SK TH1S BUT COULD YOU...?
DRAGONSPRITE: yup, i'm gone
DRAGONSPRITE: bye terezi!
DRAGONSPRITE: bye john!
And with that your dragonmom flies over and wraps you in a brief hug, kisses your forehead, and flaps off higher up your hive. She was happy just to fly around, makes sense for a lusis who had just been an egg for most of your life.
You and John wave goodbye to her. John looks at you quizzically.
JOHN: hey, quick question.
TEREZI: GO 4H34D
TEREZI: 1 PROM1S3 TO JUD3 YOUR 1GNOR4NC3 ONLY 4 L1TTL3 B1T
JOHN: why didn't you get prototyped just then?
TEREZI: OH R1GHT!
TEREZI: 4 SPR1T3 C4N M4K3 BR13F CONT4CT W1TH 4N OBJ3CT W1THOUT PROTOTYP1NG
TEREZI: YOU KNOW TH4T JOHN!!
JOHN: wait i do??
TEREZI: Y34H! D1DNT YOU H1GHF1V3 YOUR CLOWNSPR1T3 B3FOR3 1T B3C4M3 YOUR 4NC3STORS GHOST??
JOHN: huh. what do you know.
TEREZI: SO TH4TS W4S ON3 MYST3RY TH4T NOBODY THOUGHT...
JOHN: yeah, yeah. we get it!
JOHN: chalk one up in the "solved" category.
JOHN: if we solve enough mysteries maybe we could even solve the ULTIMATE MYSTERY.
TEREZI: YOU M34N TH3 ULT1M4T3 R1DDL3??
JOHN: i thought that was the process of figuring out about creating yourself and then sending yourself back in time through SBURB?
TEREZI: YOU SUR3??
TEREZI: TH4T D3F34TS TH3 PURPOS3 OF 3V3N H4V1NG 4 R1DDL3
TEREZI: L3T 4LON3 4N ULT1M4T3 ON3
JOHN: well that seems dumb and ill defined as a riddle can get.
JOHN: it's like: "whoa! i solved the ultimate riddle!"
JOHN: "nay young adventurer. you can not solve the riddle yet, you don't know what it is."
JOHN: "so what is the riddle mysterious and infuriating master?"
JOHN: "that is for me to know and you to never find out. fuck you."
JOHN: i guess that would be the most diabolical riddle of all.
JOHN: a nothing riddle, maybe just the whole embodiment of emptiness itself.
TEREZI: H4V3 YOU B33N T4LK1NG TO D4V3 WH1L3 YOU W3R3 D34D??
JOHN: i don't think so?
JOHN: i thought you said that all the dream bubbles were destroyed?
JOHN: enough about riddles and dead friends and skimming voids!
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S SK1MM1NG VO1DS???
TEREZI: JOHN 4R3 YOU 1NS1NU4T1NG SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT ROXY??
JOHN: ok, you reeeeaaaalllly reaching there.
TEREZI: 4W, DONT D3NY 1T!
TEREZI: YOU TOT4LLY W4NT TO SK1M TH3 H3RO OF VO1D 1F YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N!
TEREZI: >;] *WONK*
JOHN: you're being weird, like even more then usual.
TEREZI: 1 C4NT H3LP 1T!
TEREZI: YOU GOT M3 WORK3D UP!
TEREZI: YES OOOOOHHHHHH!!
JOHN: right. uh, terezi...uh...
TEREZI: Y34H, 1 KNOW W3 SHOULDNT
TEREZI: THOUGH 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU'R3 SO 4G41NST 1T
JOHN: i'm not.
TEREZI: OH!!! >:D
JOHN: sit down pyrope!
JOHN: geez! you get real thirsty when you get horny.
TEREZI: 1M 4LW4YS HORNY!
TEREZI: S33?! TH3Y 4R3 R1GHT TH3R3!
TEREZI: LOOK?! R1GHT TH3R3 1N FRONT OF YOUR ST1LL WORK1NG 3Y3S!!
JOHN: i see them.
JOHN: that's not what i'm talking about.
TEREZI: HUH >:?
JOHN: umm, shit. do trolls have a word for that??
TEREZI: WORD FOR WH4T?
JOHN: uhhhhhhh!! ok. umm......
JOHN: alright i'm not entirely sure how troll biology works...
TEREZI: 1 C4N SHOW YOU 4G41N!!
JOHN: chill!! hoopy shit terezi chill the fuck out!
TEREZI: OHHH OK >:[
JOHN: it's pretty much that. what do you call that?
TEREZI: C4LL WH4T?
JOHN: what you were doing just now.
JOHN: really, really wanting to have sex?
TEREZI: TROLLS C4LL TH4T B31NG HORNY
JOHN: oh my fucking god terezi!!
TEREZI: <3< <3< <3<
JOHN: grrr! you're just trying to rile me up again!!
TEREZI: I 4M
JOHN: i'll call your mom back!
TEREZI: NO! NO! 1'LL B3H4V3! 1'LL B3H4V3!
JOHN: you sure?
TEREZI: CROSS MY H34RT HOP3 TO D13 (4G41N)
JOHN: hmm...*eyes suspiciously*
TEREZI: WOW D1D YOU R34LLY JUST S4Y TH4T OUT LOUD?
JOHN: it was for your benefit!
TEREZI: 1 C4N SM3LL YOUR 3XPR3SS1ON JUST F1N3!
JOHN: no, it was for you libido.
TEREZI: SHUT UP! MY L1B1DO 1S 4M4Z1NG!
JOHN: you do have a ton of stamina huh?
TEREZI: OH FUCK YOU!
TEREZI: YOU'R3 JUST T34S1NG M3 NOW!!
TEREZI: G3T ON W1TH 1T B3FOR3 1 JUMP YOU 4G41N!!!
JOHN: ok! ok! but if you start being cute again i might not be able to resist.
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D 1 W4S 4LW4YS CUT3!
JOHN: i said you were always beautiful.
JOHN: you have to work on the cuteness.
TEREZI: WH4T, SHOULD 1 ST4RT M4K1NG C4T PUNS 4ND DR4W1NG SH1PP1NG 4RT OF 3V3RYON3??
JOHN: your art sucks! it's just a bunch of squiggle lines!
TEREZI: SHUT UP! MY 4RT 1S F1N3!
JOHN: you should go with some dragon puns instead.
TEREZI: H3LL Y3S!
TEREZI: 1 W1LL M4K3 TH3 WORS3 DR4GON R3L4T3D PUNS TH3R3 4R3
TEREZI: HMM...OK...1 4M DR4W1NG 4 BL4NK H3R3...
TEREZI: 3GB3RT? YOU GOT 4NY??
JOHN: i know your *drag-on* your ass about this discussion.
TEREZI: D4MN, Y34H 1 4M...
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT 1LL *SC4L3* B4CK TH3 BULLSH1T
JOHN: thank you. i'll try not to be as *fiery* as we go froward.
TEREZI: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3
TEREZI: 4ND 1 W1LL TRY NOT TO S1NK MY *CL4WS 4ND T33TH* 1NTO YOU 1F YOU DONT STOP B31NG 4DOR4BL3!!
JOHN: that...that wasn't even a pun.
JOHN: were you role playing there??
TEREZI: OOOH! 1 D1DNT KNOW YOU W3R3 1NTO ROL3 PL4Y!!!
JOHN: you really, reeeeaaalllyyyy don't want to talk about this do you?
TEREZI: ...NO, 1 DONT
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 4 F33L1NG TH4T 1F 1 DO 1M GO1NG TO LOOS3 ON3 OF YOU SOM3HOW
JOHN: what makes you say that?
TEREZI: P4R4DOX SP4C3 USU4LLY G1V3S 3V3RYON3 4N OPT1ON
TEREZI: B31NG R3L3V4NT OR B31NG H4PPY
TEREZI: 1M 4FR41D TH4T 1F W3 K33P T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU 4ND VR1SK4 4ND WH4T 1 SHOULD DO
TEREZI: 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO F4C3 TH4T CHO1C3
JOHN: aren't you already making that choice by not doing anything?
JOHN: lets see if i got this right.
JOHN: you still love vriska but you don't know if she loves you back the same way.
JOHN: you're terrified that she won't love you like that but even more scared to learn that she might think of you the same way after all.
JOHN: you want to feel complete and don't think you will ever find anyone that will love you in the just that way.
JOHN: you're also scared that if you continue down this path with me, because you worry that you will end up hurt again just like with dave and karkat.
TEREZI: WHO4 TH3R3 BUDDY!!
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT G3T HURT BY D4V3 4ND K4RK4T!!
JOHN: oh please don't try to pretend to me terezi.
JOHN: i know you better then that!
JOHN: you have the memories from when everything went to shit and that includes when you were dating dave and trying to work out what you and karkat meant to each other.
TEREZI: WH4T DO3S TH4T H4V3 TO DO W1TH 4NYTH1NG?!
JOHN: love dummy!
JOHN: you may not feel it now for them, or maybe you still do in some way, but you did at some point truly care about those two.
JOHN: no matter how much you tried to change the timeline otherwise, that is still a thing that happened.
JOHN: and that is a good thing!
JOHN: life is supposed to be all about finding what things mean to you and your road of self discovery.
JOHN: and for you, that road let you discover that you and karkat, and then you and dave were just not meant to be, regardless how of all feelings shook out on both sides.
TEREZI: ...4ND YOUR PO1NT?
JOHN: deep down, you think that maybe there is something wrong with you.
JOHN: it isn't true and believe me, i know that feeling all too well.
JOHN: but you think that just maybe, that there isn't anyone that will make you feel whole, even if you get either of us back, it still won't be enough.
JOHN: i think you are overthinking it. i don't think that just choosing one relationship cancels out of the other one.
JOHN: it will be tough, relationships are hard and nobody understands.
TEREZI: ...TH4TS TH3 TH1NG
TEREZI: ...1 DONT W4NT 4 TOUGH R3L4T1ONSH1P
TEREZI: 1V3 H4D 3NOUGH H4RDSH1PS 4ND H34RT 4CH3 1N MY L1F3
TEREZI: TH4TS WHY 1V3 3NJOY3D TH3 T1M3 W3 H4V3 H4D TOG3TH3R JOHN
JOHN: what? i'm easy is what you're saying??
TEREZI: NO DUMB4SS, 1M S4Y1NG YOU'R3 S1MPL3 4ND 34SY TO UND3RST4ND
TEREZI: 1 G3T WH3R3 1 4M W1TH YOU 4ND YOU TH4T S4M3 W1TH M3
TEREZI: (3V3N 1F YOU ST1LL SUCK FOR DY1NG 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH4T LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!)
TEREZI: W3 BOTH KNOW WH3R3 W3 34CH 4R3 COM1NG FROM 4ND G3T 34CH OTH3R ON SOM3 L3V3L TH4T 1S H4RD TO 4RT1CUL4T3
TEREZI: W3 4R3 TWO LOST SOULS WHO H4V3 FOUND 34CH OTH3R 4ND THOUGHT TH4T W3 COULD M4K3 SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N
TEREZI: 4ND W1TH YOU D34D 1M 4FR41D TH4T 1 4M MOR3 LOST TH3N 3V3R.
John reaches over and hugs you again, wrapping you so close that you are temporarily out of breath. There is a warm breeze that passes over you making you feel even warmer than before.
The heir of breath was coating you with a blanket of air.
JOHN: and what about vriska?
JOHN: is she way harder to deal with then me?
TEREZI: SH3 1S SO MUCH WORK!!
TEREZI: 1 LOV3 H3R TO P13C3S BUT SH3 1S 3XH4UST1NG!!
TEREZI: 4ND 1 WOND3R 1F 4LL TH1S 3FFORT 1V3 PUT 1NTO US TOG3TH3R H4S R34LLY 3V3N B33N WORTH 1T??
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK M3 CH4S1NG 4FT3R H3R FOR 3T3RN1TY TO G3T H3R OUT OF TROUBL3 W4S GOOD FOR 31TH3R OF US
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH3 OTH3R TH1NG TH4T H4S M3 WORR13D 1S...
TEREZI: W3LL 1T 1S 3QU4LLY 4S 1RR4T1ON4L 4S 4LL MY OTH3R F34RS H4V3 B33N
TEREZI: BUT TH1S H4S MOR3 TO DO W1TH YOU D3P4RTM3NT SO M4YB3 YOU W1LL G3T 1T
TEREZI: Y34H, TH1NGS B31NG "C4NON" 4ND "NON C4NON"
JOHN: what does that have to do with me???
TEREZI: YOU STUCK YOU H4ND THROUGH TH3 HOUS3 TH1NG 4ND NOT YOUR "UNSTUCK" FROM C4NON NOW R1GHT?
TEREZI: HOW 1S TH4T NOT YOUR D3P4RTM3NT?!
JOHN: oh. when you put it that way it seems obvious.
TEREZI: TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S 4BOUT SH1PS
TEREZI: R3L4T1ONSH1PS YOU N3RD!!
TEREZI: 3ND G4M3 R3L4T1ONSH1PS
JOHN: ohhhhhhhh!! uh, what does that entail exactly??
TEREZI: 1M NOT 3NT1R3LY SUR3????
TEREZI: 1 4SSUM3D TH4T WH4T W4S SUPPOS3D TO H4PP3N WH3N W3 B34T SBURB
TEREZI: BUT TH4T DO3S NOT 4PP34R TO B3 TH3 C4S3
JOHN: let me ask again: what's the point of these "end game ships"?
TEREZI: TO S33 WHO 3NDS UP W1TH WHO!
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TO L1V3 THROUGH TH3 R3L4T1ONSH1P 1N SOM3 W4Y??
TEREZI: 1T 1S 4 B1T H4RD TO P1N DOWN
TEREZI: L1K3 4 COMB1N4T1ON OF BOTH S3LF-1NS3RT1ON, ROL3 PL4Y 4ND W1SH FULF1LLM3NT!
JOHN: ok i'm still not getting it? like who befits??
JOHN: is there some fan girl shipper out there or something writing out the perfect karkat-esk shipping grid or something????
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH3 GR1D COMP4R1SON 1S TH3 MOST 4PT ON3
JOHN: well that is a bit...unsettling. your personal relationships could be dissected and analyzed over for some unknown persons enjoyment?
JOHN: all your mistakes you made and all the victories??
JOHN: my life should be...well, mine??
TEREZI: TH3R3 1S SOM3 MYST3R1OUS FORC3 OUT TH3R3 TH4T PR3V3NTS C3RT41N SH1PS FROM H4PP3N1NG!
JOHN: ...who cares??
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD
TEREZI: 1T WOULD H3LP 3XPL41N HOW YOUR R3L4T1ONSH1P W3NT W1TH ROXY
TEREZI: R3M3MB3R HOW YOUNG LORD 3NGL1SH W4S OBS3SS3D W1TH M4K1NG CH4R4CT3RS K1SS 1N H1S STORY??
JOHN: uhhggg!! don't remind me!
JOHN: for some reason he kept trying to make dave and rose kiss!!
TEREZI: OH TH4T M1GHT NOT B3 H1S F4ULT 4CTU4LLY
TEREZI: TH4TS JUST 4 CH3RUB TH1NG
TEREZI: TH3Y DONT R34LLY UND3RST4ND TH3 CONC3PT OF "F4M1LY"
TEREZI: 1M NOT 3NT1R3LY SUR3 1 G3T 1T 31TH3R BUT WH4T3V3R
JOHN: ...ok can we please talk about something less awful???
TEREZI: YOUR HUM4N "1NC3ST" TH1NG 1S ST1LL W31RD
JOHN: no it is not!
JOHN: it's just not something you do!
JOHN: your kids end up with like eleven toes and bad immune systems and other horrible stuff!!
TEREZI: H4V1NG 3L3V3N TO3S SOUNDS PR3TTY COOL THOUGH!
JOHN: just...no terezi. just...no.
JOHN: i can't believe i'm saying this but can we please go back to the shipping??
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD ST4RT 4 H34RT R3L4T1ON W1TH C4LL1OP3 SO SH3 V4C1LL4T3S BL4CK W1TH ROXY SO *1* C4N G3T SOM3 OF TH4T SW33T R3D QU4DR4NT W1TH H3R!
JOHN: please try to stay on topic.
TEREZI: 1M B31NG S3R1OUS H3R3!
TEREZI: CH3RUBS ONLY H4V3 BL4CK ROM4NC3
TEREZI: 1T W1LL F33L N4TUR4L TO H3R TO H4V3 ROXY 1N TH4T QU4DR4NT!
JOHN: that would just me being the weird one out though???
JOHN: plus i don't really have feelings like that for her?????
JOHN: and humans can't really feel in the black????
TEREZI: YOU GUYS 4R3 V3RY STR4NG3 THOUGH!!
TEREZI: BY TH4T LOG1C, YOU 4ND 1 SHOULD NOT B3 4BL3 TO H4V3 TH3 K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P W3 DO
TEREZI: 1 F1ND TH4T HUM4NS 4R3 V3RY 4D4PT4BL3 WH3N 1T COM3S TO STUFF L1K3 TH4T!!
JOHN: are you slut shaming the human race??
JOHN: it sounded like you were saying that humans will have sex with anything.
TEREZI: YOU D3NY1NG 1T??
TEREZI: 4LMOST 4LL TH3 STRONG "SH1PS" ON 31TH3R 34RTH C 1 H4V3 S33N 4R3 B3TW33N D1FF3R3NT SP3C13S!
TEREZI: D4V3K4T, ROS3M4RY, 4ND ROXC4LL1
JOHN: are those their ship names? those are cute!
TEREZI: 4LL YOU DORKS 4R3 4DOR4BL3
TEREZI: 1M NOT 4 HUNDR3D P3RC3NT SUR3 ON TH3 ROXY 4ND C4LL1OP3 SH1P N4M3 THOUGH
JOHN: so what is the point of all this??
JOHN: is there a method to all these boats?
JOHN: the dock is getting full here.
TEREZI: TH3 PO1NT 1S TO SHOW YOU WH4T TH3Y H4V3 1N COMMON
JOHN: they're all gay??
TEREZI: ...Y3S 4CTU4LLY
JOHN: what? that's not it?
TEREZI: NO! 1 TH1NK 1T 1S!!
TEREZI: 1 JUST D1DNT TH1NK 4BOUT 1T L1K3 TH4T UNT1L JUST NOW
TEREZI: TH3 WHOL3 H3T3RO 4ND HOMOS3XU4L 1S 3NT1R3LY 4 HUM4N TH1NG!!
JOHN: really?? because kanaya is totally gay as hell for rose though??
TEREZI: SH3 1S! BUT W3 R34LLY D1DNT H4V3 4NY WORD TO D3SCR1B3 1T
TEREZI: 1TS JUST SO COMMON FOR 4NY G1RL TO D4T3 4 G1RL 4ND BOY D4T3 BOY TH4T 1TS NOT 3V3N WORTH M3NT1ON1NG!!
TEREZI: FOR K4N4Y4 1T S33M3D L1K3...4LMOST 4 F3T1SH?????
TEREZI: PR3F3RR1NG ON3 G3ND3R OV3R 4NOTH3R
JOHN: umm...i hate to be insensitive to your culture and be called a xenophobe again but that sounds...wrong??
TEREZI: ...Y34H...1T K1ND4 DO3S HUH?
TEREZI: NOW *1M* ST4RT1NG TO F33L UNCOMFORT4BL3 4ND 1M NOT SQU34M1SH 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG!!
JOHN: back to ships?
TEREZI: B4CK TO SH1PS
TEREZI: Y3S, YOU 4R3 R1GHT JOHN
TEREZI: 4LL OF TH3M 4R3 H3LL4 G4Y!
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH1S 1S SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH TH3 "G4Y S1NGUL4R1TY"
JOHN: the what now??
TEREZI: YOU H34RD M3
TEREZI: TH3 MOTH3R FUCK1N *G4Y* S1NGUL4R1TY
JOHN: what the hell is a "gay singularity"???
TEREZI: LOOK 4T YOU NOT KNOW1NG WH4T 4 G4Y S1NGUL4R1TY 1S!!
JOHN: you didn't even get what being gay was until like, what, twenty minutes ago??
TEREZI: OH SHUSH!!
TEREZI: 4 WHOL3 GOD D4MN BL4CK HOL3 F1LL3D W1TH 1NF1N1T3 G4Y 1S WH4T 1M S4Y1NG!!
TEREZI: JOHN YOU 4R3 4 LOT OF TH1NGS BUT 1N YOUR OWN WORDS YOU 4R3 4ND 1 QUOT3 "NOT 4 HOMOS3XU4L"
JOHN: oh, i don't know.
JOHN: roxy and i might still happen at some point, or at least in that candy earth c, and she is like a man now? i think?? non binary maybe???
JOHN: so...i guess i'm not a big of a heterosexual as i thought.
TEREZI: 4WW! MY G4Y JOHN H34DC4NONS 4R3 COM1NG TRU3!!
TEREZI: FORG3T 1T
TEREZI: TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T 1 DONT KNOW 1F US TOG3TH3R C4N 3V3R B3 "C4NON"
TEREZI: US B31NG TOG3TH3R 1SNT G4Y JOHN!!!
JOHN: again, why does that matter???
JOHN: who decides what's "canon" and "not canon" anyway??
TEREZI: TH1S 1S JUST M3 GU3SS1NG H3R3
TEREZI: BUT 1T M1GHT B3 SOM3 OR4NG3 GUY 1N SOM3 W4Y TH4T M4K3S NO S3NS3
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK H3 M1GHT B3 R3SPONS1BL3 FOR 4LL TH3 3NDG4M3 SH1PS TOO
JOHN: an orange guy???
TEREZI: 1V3 N3V3R S33N H1M FOR MYS3LF BUT SUPPOS3DLY H3 1S V3RY POW3RFUL
JOHN: that's weird, i think i've heard about him.
TEREZI: W41T YOU H4V3?
JOHN: vriska was complaining about him at some point.
TEREZI: W41T WH4T??
JOHN: i think he was trying to propose to her?
JOHN: or bring her back to life? or both? it was a while ago.
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T TO DO W1TH TH1S 1NFORM4T1ON
JOHN: so the orange guy and the gay singularity?
TEREZI: Y34H, 4LL OF OUR R3L4T1ONSH1PS 4R3 4LL SUPPOS3DLY GO1NG TO 3ND UP G4Y
JOHN: and he just decided that?
JOHN: man this guy sounds just like callie's bro.
TEREZI: TH4T 1S WH3R3 YOU THROW 4 WR3NCH 1NTO TH1NGS
TEREZI: R3M3MB3R YOU 4R3 UNSTUCK FROM C4NON?
TEREZI: YOU DONT H4V3 TO FOLLOW TH3 RUL3S OF C4NON!
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH4T 1S ON3 OF TH3 R34SONS WHY YOU W3R3 K1LL3D
JOHN: what? because i'm not a full homosexual??
TEREZI: NO! B3C4US3 YOU WORK OUTS1D3 TH3 NORM4L RUL3S!
TEREZI: YOU BR34K C4NON!
TEREZI: YOU B3ND TH3 V3RY R34L1TY TO YOUR W1LL 3V3N 1F YOU DONT R34L1Z3 TH4T YOU 4R3 DO1NG 1T!
JOHN: ...really??? i don't feel like it.
JOHN: i don't really *want* to change all of reality.
TEREZI: TH4T 1S WHY YOU 4R3 YOU JOHN
TEREZI: 1F YOU W3R3 TH3 K1ND OF P3RSON WHO W3NT 4ROUND 4ND CH4NG3D TH1NGS TO YOUR 3V3RY L1TTL3 D3S1R3 W1TH H4RMFUL 1NT3NT
TEREZI: 1 WOULD B3 TH3 F1RST P3RSON 1N L1N3 TO STOP YOU.
JOHN: oh. thank you. i...appreciate that actually.
JOHN: maybe...no one should have this power then??
TEREZI: YOU C4NT 3X4CTLY JUST G3T R1D OF 1T NOW C4N YOU?
TEREZI: B3S1D3S, YOU 4R3 ST1LL JUST 4 GHOST 1N MY H34D
JOHN: right, i keep forgetting about that.
TEREZI: B3 GR4T3FUL
TEREZI: 1 H4D TO LOW3R MY OWN TH1NK1NG PROC3SS TO M4TCH YOURS CORR3CTLY
JOHN: well you are!!...oh whatever.
TEREZI: 1M JUST 4FR41D TH4T 1F 1 GO 4FT3R YOU 1 WONT B3 4LLOW3D TO B3 W1TH YOU
JOHN: that sounds really dumb. why not??
TEREZI: B3C4US3 OF OUTS1D3 FORC3S!!
TEREZI: MY F33L1NGS DO NOT M4TT3R 1F TH3Y DONT M4TCH UP W1TH WH4T3V3R "TH31R" PL4NS 4R3
JOHN: so your big concern about going after me is that since our relationship isn't gay, some orange guy who is "in charge of canon" will keep making you unhappy forever by getting rid of me since you didn't want to keep chasing after vriska and killing yourself over it via starvation and what-not?
TEREZI: W3LL 1T SOUNDS STUP1D WH3N YOU S4Y 1T L1K3 TH4T BUT YUP
JOHN: man. do you want me to go beat him up?
TEREZI: WH4T >:?
JOHN: the orange guy!!
JOHN: he sounds like a huge asshole and he's just been fucking with us for no god damn good reason!
JOHN: plus he still sounds like callie's bro.
JOHN: oh, and dave's bro too for that matter.
JOHN: seriously, what is up with dirk??
TEREZI: NO 1D34 BUT H3 H4T3S YOU
JOHN: me?? why would he hate me???
TEREZI: JOHN 4R3 YOU D34F 4S W3LL 4S D3NS3??
TEREZI: H3 1S P4RT OF TH3 R34SON WHY YOU 4R3 D34D!!
JOHN: what?? how???
TEREZI: 1M NOT R34LLY SUR3
TEREZI: BUT 1 TH1NK 1T H4S TO DO W1TH YOU, TH3 OR4NG3 GUY, 4ND C4NON
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW HOW 1T 4LL F1TS TOG3TH3R BUT 1 4M GO1NG TO F1ND OUT!!
JOHN: well good luck with that, i still don't get the canon thing.
TEREZI: 1 DON'T TH1NK 4NYBODY DO3S 4ND 1 DON'T TH1NK 4NYON3 R34LLY C4R3S
JOHN: maybe but it feels like it should be important?
TEREZI: TH4TS TH3 1NS1D1OUS TH1NG 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: YOU C4N 1GNOR3 1F BUT SOM3T1M3S YOU JUST DONT F33L R34L W1THOUT 1T
JOHN: are we in canon now??
TEREZI: SHOULDN'T YOU KNOW TH4T??
JOHN: umm...i think we currently...aren't??
JOHN: but at the same time...yes????
JOHN: half-canon?? dubious canon???
JOHN: UGGGHHHHHH!! this whole canon thing is bullshit!
TEREZI: 1T 1S BUT 1LL 4SK ON3 MOR3 TH1NG 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: DO3S US B31NG TOG3TH3R F3LL C4NON?
Somewhere in their conversation you had turned around to face John. He gives you a smile and picks up your hands in his. He looks down at them with the same smile. You don't know it but he wishes he had a ring to put on them right now. WOW is he a sap.
JOHN: yes terezi. for just this moment, me and you together...
JOHN: it seems right!
You smile too. You sniff at the way John is looking at you hands and guess what is on his mind. He really is like an open book to you.
TEREZI: L3TS W41T UNT1L *4FT3R* YOU 4R3 4L1V3 4ND M4YB3 D4T3D 4 F3W Y34RS B3FOR3 W3 D3C1D3 ON TH4T HUH?
TEREZI: D1DNT 3P1C D1VORC3 M4N ROXY T34CH YOU NOTH1NG??
John jerks his head up eyes wide. He stares at you as if you caught him doing something indecent. Or just thinking sexy thoughts about you. Actually, you would prefer him to be thinking sexy thoughts about you right now. You don't think you could handle him trying to confess his dead love for you, again.
JOHN: uh terezi, what are you talking about?!?
TEREZI: DONT PL4Y DUMB W1TH M3!!
TEREZI: YOU W3R3 JUST TH1NK1NG 4BOUT M4RR14G3 W3R3NT YOU??
TEREZI: YOU DONT H4V3 TO M4RRY M3 JUST B3C4US3 W3 H4D S3X YOU KNOW.
He gives you a sheepish grin.
JOHN: i was just going to use it as an excuse to have more sex with you actually.
TEREZI: 1 FUCK1NG KN3W 1T!!
TEREZI: YOU W4NT TO M4RRY M3 FOR MY BODY!!!
JOHN: i don't know if you're the marring type.
TEREZI: 1 COULD TOT4LLY B3 TH3 M4RR1NG TYP3!!
TEREZI: G3T TH3 CH41RS R34DY 4ND TH3 T4LL C4K3 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG!!
JOHN: heh. i just can't really see you in a dress is all.
An image of you in a dress of many different colors that it makes you droll, suddenly appears in you mind. For some reason, it is the most scandalous and improper thing you have thought during this entire mind meeting. You go real quiet and blush at the image. Wow, this was really getting to you. Why was this of all things making you embarrassed? Trolls didn't even have weddings for goodness sake! But the image of you picking up John to carry him over to the alter to destroy a broom or whatever it was you did during a default culture pairing ritual makes you feel just a touch warmer inside. (Of course you know what all happens at a wedding silly! You were there for Rose and Kanaya's after all.)
TEREZI: D3F1N1T3LY NOT H4PP3N1NG
JOHN: ah well.
You really hope John is not as good at reading you as you are of him. He is giving you that small smile again, that means that some mischief has just been achieved and he know that you know that he knows that you know and so on. He leans in and connects your foreheads together. For the first time since you went blind, you wish that could look right back at him with your actual pupils, just to assure him that you were there. You content yourself with taking a big deep sniff and then licking the side of his face.
JOHN: god dammit terezi.
He wipes his face, trying to dislodge the teal saliva.
TEREZI: 4WW! YOU KNOW YOU LOV3 1T!! H3H3H3!!
JOHN: yeah, yeah i do.
Your mad grin drops very fast. Well shit. You walked into that one yourself. Curse you automatic flirty responses!! You should have known someone would be dumb enough to take you at face value with your words. And of course it had to be John fucking Egbert.
Dave got it. He saw the irony and layers of bullshit for what they were. John looked right through all that and just saw you as yourself, flaws and all. Instead of seeing you as you presented yourself, he got you right to your core. And the fucker STILL loved you after seeing all that ugliness inside you. WHAT A BASTARD!
It begins to dawn on you that awful feeling in your stomach has been telling you that you, yes YOU Terezi, feel the same way about him. You are definitely not going to tell him that though. Not to John, not to this version that you think you have spilled you guts out to more than even the real John. There are just somethings that can't be dealt with all at once.
Plus there was always the very small chance that you are completely wrong and are not completely head over heels in gaga love with this dork looser. You pray to the same gods and horror-terrors that this was not their solution to your Vriska problem. They laugh back at you.
JOHN: so terezi.
JOHN: you spaced out there.
TEREZI: GO ON 1M LOV1NG TO YOU (W41T SH1T)
TEREZI: *L1ST3N1NG* 1M L1ST3N1NG TO YOU!!
JOHN: wow, what kind of freudian slip was that?
TEREZI: TROLL FR3UD W4S 4CTU4LLY 4 H1GHLY PR41S3D PSYCHOLOG1ST 4CTU4LLY!
TEREZI: H3 PROPOS3D 1T W4S P3RF3CTLY N4TUR4L FOR W4NT1NG TO B4NG YOUR 4NC3STORS ON 4CCOUNT TH4T TH3Y W3R3 HOT 4S H3LL!!
JOHN: wait, you all wanted to bang your ancestors????
JOHN: hang on. i think i saw a troll that looked just like you riding a skateboard.
JOHN: did you think she was hot or something??
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T?
TEREZI: M4YB3 BOTH V3RS1ONS OF FR3UD W3R3 FULL OF SH1T 4ND L3TS NOT LOOK 1NTO 4NY MOR3 4BOUT HOW R4D1C4L 1 THOUGH MY D4NC3STOR W4S!!!
JOHN: just radical huh?
JOHN: and nothing else?? ;)
TEREZI: DONT M4K3 M3 BR1NG 1NC3ST UP 4G41N!!
JOHN: you don't scare me!
JOHN: you already admitted that wasn't a thing for trolls!!
TEREZI: Y34H, BUT 1T *COULD* B3 4 TH1NG
TEREZI: TH3R3 JUST 1SNT 4 CH4NC3 USU4LLY TO M3T W1TH YOUR 4NC3STORS MUCH L3SS D3V3LOP R3L4T1ONSH1PS W1TH TH3M
JOHN: wouldn't it just really be like, making out with yourself??
JOHN: at least, being genetically similar i mean??
TEREZI: 1 JUST THOUGHT 4BOUT K1SS1NG MYS3LF 4ND 1 L1K3D 1T!!
TEREZI: D4MN YOU 3GB3RT!!
JOHN: you totally would make out with yourself too.
TEREZI: GOD D4MN 1T FUCK!!
TEREZI: 1 WOULD B3 TOO S3XY TO R3S1ST!
TEREZI: D4MM1T FUCK!!
TEREZI: TOD4Y W4S NOT TH3 D4Y 1 W4NT3D TO F1ND OUT 1 W4S COOL W1TH S3LFC3ST!!
JOHN: ...would that count as masturbation???
TEREZI: FUCK YOU FOR S4Y1NG TH4T!!
TEREZI: 4ND FUCK YOU FOR M4K1NG M3 TH1NK 4BOUT 1T!!
JOHN: (hee hee hee)
TEREZI: W3 4R3 SO FUCK1NG OFF TR4CK H3R3
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK W3R3 W3 DO1NG B3S1D3S TR1CK1NG M3 1NTO S4Y1NG 1 WOULD TOUCH MYS3LF 1F 1 W3R3 4NOTH3R M3???
JOHN: about how you thought you had to make a choice.
TEREZI: 1 CH4NG3D MY M1ND 1 W4NT TO GO B4CK TO TH3 BULLSH1T
JOHN: nope, we are in the real shit now.
JOHN: this choice, what is it about?
TEREZI: 1T 1S 4BOUT YOU 4ND VR1SK4
TEREZI: FOR SOM3 R34SON 1 THOUGHT TH4T 1 H4D TO CHOOS3 B3TW33N YOU TWO??
TEREZI: 4ND 1T DO3SNT F33L L1K3 31TH3R OF THOS3 1S R1GHT??
JOHN: how would you describe your relationship with vriska?
JOHN: in like a few words.
TEREZI: ...D1FF1CULT? H4RD TO 4SC3RT41N?? L1K3 4 F4NT4SY???
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1 H4V3 B33N 4FT3R H3R FOR3V3R 4ND R34L1ST1C4LLY 1T WOULD NOT B3 4 F41RY T41L B3TW33N H3R 4ND M3
TEREZI: BUT TH4T WH4T 1 4LW4YS W4NT3D FOR3 US
TEREZI: 4 H4PP1LY 3V3R 4FT3R
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS THOS3 DONT R34LLY 3X1ST HUH?
JOHN: why not?!
TEREZI: HUH >:?
JOHN: why don't they exist?
TEREZI: ...B3C4US3 P4R4DOX SP4C3 DO3SNT WORK L1K3 TH4T???
JOHN: so it's outside the rules.
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS??
JOHN: i can change the rules though!
TEREZI: SHOOT UMM...HOW WOULD TH4T 3V3N WORK??
JOHN: two more questions for you terezi, lightning round.
JOHN: how would you describe our relationship?
TEREZI: SOL1D. 34SY TO D3F1N3. 4LMOST C4NON??
TEREZI: 1 UND3RST4ND WH3R3 1 4M W1TH YOU JOHN
TEREZI: M4YB3 MOR3 TH3N 4NY OTH3R P3RSON 1 H4V3 3V3R M3T
JOHN: then, i hate to do this to you, but there's just not other way to show this.
He points to the scalemates that you had forgotten about. There was a rattle as a wind raked against your glasses, still sitting on one. The red shades seemed to activate by themselves projecting a large version of the tiny screen for you both to read. It was the last message you looked at. It was her words that you had read over and over again.
The rattling continued as out of the speakers of your computer shades came a cloud of...what? You lick at the stuff as some of the particles flew by. For a moment, it tastes almost like the awful stuff that had plagued you in that other timeline. The dust twirled around itself, making a spiral pattern as John held out his hand and in his palm the dust turned into...on no. John, please tell Terezi you are not doing what she thinks you are doing.
John points back to the scalemates. You sniff back only to discover that you star witness has been murdered again!! NO! Would Lemonsnouts treachery know no bounds! He had gone and killed him twice! He would pay for this!! The knife stands up inside the dragon plush as the "blood" pools around him, his stuffing coming out in pathetic clumps.
John digs around in the scalemates innards for a bit looking for something. You are baffled by this and have no idea where he is going with this. He seems to find what he is looking for and pulls out a...steak of unknown origin. You are confused. You guess since this is a dream then it must be the...idea of a dragon?? And therefore, dragons must have meat.
He pulls back to his former position and holds up his two prizes. The dripping thick steak that is making you drool with anticipation. The other a wrapped sweetie with a distinct greed and red swirl on the outside.
JOHN: i was given this choice too terezi.
JOHN: it's a shitty choice and i can't guarantee you will find what you are looking for in either.
You suck in a deep breath. Damn you were not prepared for this. Why hadn't you seen this coming?
JOHN: i won't bullshit you here.
JOHN: this is not just me offering you a snack like i was.
JOHN: this is going to diverge the timeline.
JOHN: one where you stop dirk and go be with vriska.
JOHN: and one where keep following along and bring me back.
JOHN: that's the choice terezi, i'm sorry but that's the way it is.
JOHN: so, what will it be
JOHN: meat or candy terezi?
JOHN: meat or candy.
You take another deep breath before settling down to examine the options. Unlike John you get to see what's behind the curtains of sweet and savory before you make a decision. Your head is enveloped in a teal light as you look at the snacks while the symbol of mind dances between your non-seeing seer eyes.
TEREZI: 1 CHOOS3...
Terezi, you're Karkat is showing.
It will be a bit before I get to the next chapter. This stupid thing has been written for a week now and I only now got around to typing it up. Uhhhggg.
So, question for you all: How are you liking it so far?
Do the characters feel like themselves?
Do I use too may ellipsis??
Let me know!
You can already tell that meat was the wrong choice. The flesh tastes too fat, a touch too greasy. It sits in your stomach like a weight. John gives you one last smile before vanishing in a breeze. It blows around buffering you this way and that until you are shaken awake.
Standing over you with a hand on either shoulder vibrating too quickly for comfort is Rosebot, your seer shipmate. The Robo-Rose stops giving you the tumble dry special once your eyes open.
ROSEBOT: Good. You are awake.
TEREZI: WH4T W4S TH4T FOR??
TEREZI: 1 W4S H4V1NG 4 R4TH3R PL34S4NT DR34M
ROSEBOT: Can I inquire as to the nature of your twilight vision?
TEREZI: YOU C4N 4SK BUT 1'M NOT GO1NG TO T3LL YOU L4LOND3
TEREZI: ON 4CCOUNT OF 1T B31NG NON3 OF YOUR BUS1N3SS!!
ROSEBOT: My apologies.
ROSEBOT: I was merely curios about what your dreaming visions had to state on you mental facilities.
TEREZI: GOD ROS3 1M NOT H4V1NG YOU PSYCO-4NT-WH4T-1TS M3 4G41N
TEREZI: YOUR WHOL3 ROBOT TH3R4P1ST D34L 1S SO PL4Y3D OUT
ROSEBOT: No it isn't.
ROSEBOT: It is a great test of my new found abilities as a robotic vessel for my ultimate self.
ROSEBOT: I can use my Seer of Light powers to see the problems you are facing and help craft the best solution.
TEREZI: SOUNDS F4K3 BUT WH4T3V3R
TEREZI: WHY D1D YOU GO 4ND W4K3 M3 UP 4NYW4Y?
ROSEBOT: Our host has requested us on the bridge.
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T DO3S MR.OR4NG3 M1LKSH4K3S W4NT??
ROSEBOT: I still do not understand the nature of that particular nickname.
ROSEBOT: Is there some joke I am failing to grasp here?
TEREZI: 1F YOU R34LLY H4D R34CH3D YOUR ULT1M4T3 S3LF YOU WOULD KNOW.
ROSEBOT: This isn't the first time you have insinuated I have not attained that milestone and just like all of those, I do not understand what you are gelling at.
ROSEBOT: I have knowledge of all my other selves across all of Paradox Space.
ROSEBOT: What other qualities are needed to achieve the feat?
TEREZI: YOU DONT G3T 1T DO YOU??
TEREZI: YOU TH1NK KNOWL3DG3 1S 3NOUGH
TEREZI: WH3R3 UND3RST4ND1NG 1S JUST 4S 1MPORT4NT
ROSEBOT: I'm still not following you.
TEREZI: SO D1RK?
ROSEBOT: The Prince says that we are close to the new planet.
ROSEBOT: We will be landing within the hour.
TEREZI: WH4T 4LR34DY??
ROSEBOT: Terezi, we have been flying through space for weeks now.
ROSEBOT: Why does this come as a surprise?
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1T WOULD T4K3 LONG3R
ROSEBOT: You are back in, and I use this term loosely, "normal space" again.
ROSEBOT: Time and Space are forces that can be navigated once more.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW SM4RT 4SS!
ROSEBOT: The furthest ring and all the Dreambubbles can be exhausting to adjust from I know.
TEREZI: L3TS JUST G3T TO TH3 BR1DG3 4LR34DY
The planet looms large in the front viewing screen looking all majestic and shit. Full of untapped possibilities untouched by any other hand. Well, until I showed up. Soon it won't be, but that's OK. Really it doesn't matter what the planet looks like as long as it serves my purposes.
Oh hey your back. Did you miss me? I have no doubt you were just waiting for me to get back in the spotlight. So how have you been? Life treating alright? Doesn't matter all that much to me. Not like you can answer me or anything. Just an update from last time: jack and shit has happened since last time. You are not surprised by this development. How could anything happen without me?
Nothing is what, being super mega all-knowing god and all. I'll bet you were all in tithers and waving your old wooden fans against your face and sipping from fancy tea cups crying out "Oh dear! Whatever will happen next?! My word! I'm all in a tither!!" I imagine that in Jane's voice for some reason. So while you were getting your knickers in a twist, the two seers finally get their asses up onto the bridge. I wonder what has taken them so long.
DIRK: Hey. What took you so long?
ROSEBOT: Someone was rather irritated to be awaken so early in the morning.
DIRK: What morning?
DIRK: There isn't any night or night cycles aboard this ship.
TEREZI: TH4T'S WH4T 1 S41D!!
ROSEBOT: Still cranky I see.
TEREZI: ROS3, JUST B3C4US3 YOU 4ND YOUR ""D4D"" 4R3 T1R3L3SS 3MOT1ONL3SS ROBOTS DO3SNT M34N 3V3RYON3 1S!!
DIRK: Wow. Burn?
TEREZI: SO WH4T 1S TH3 PL4N? 4P4RT FROM ST4ND1NG 4ROUND 4ND MONOLOGU1NG TO YOURS3LF 4ND ST3W1NG 1N YOUR OWN POW3R 4ND 1NF1N1T3 CH4R1SM4
I pause the exchange. Fucking mind players. You got to be careful with what you narrate around them.
DIRK: I don't monologue.
ROSEBOT: Even I have to call bullshit on that one ""father"".
ROSEBOT: Banding about large words in unbroken run on sentences is , according to the infinite calculations I can now preform, your second favorite hobby.
DIRK: What's my first?
ROSEBOT: Even infinite calculations have their limits.
DIRK: It's good to know that everything I help make turns into a big of a smartass as me.
ROSEBOT: That is most unfortunate as you are intending to become quote "the one true god" unquote.
ROSEBOT: Once you accomplish that you will have to deal with an untold number of smartasses as you intend to shape everyone in your own image.
DIRK: No. Just Rose...
ROSEBOT: Just admit it Dad.
ROSEBOT: That is your dream universe as you see it.
ROSEBOT: Just copies and copies of you.
ROSEBOT: You do have an irresistible attraction to insufferable pricks.
DIRK: I regret helping you into that robot.
DIRK: What on earth was I thinking?
ROSEBOT: That you were not being sassed enough for your nefarious plans.
ROSEBOT: You had a significant lack of young impressionable girls to impress with you massive ego.
ROSEBOT: Which, using my amazing robot brain, is estimated to be twice the mass of the universe.
DIRK: Yeah, that sounds about right.
DIRK: I don't know if I care for your attitude young lady.
ROSEBOT: Unable To Turn Off: *Teenage Rebellion Mode*
ROSEBOT: Please Contact A Better Roboticist To Swap To: *Obedient Daughter Mode*
DIRK: Why did I include that stupid robotic voice in you output speakers?
DIRK: It stopped being funny five minutes after I programmed it in.
ROSEBOT: It Seems That You Are Giving Me Sass For My Robotic Voice.
ROSEBOT: Are You Giving Me Sass Right Now?
DIRK: Plenty, but there is more important things to deal with right now.
DIRK: The game that we are about to play for example.
TEREZI: 1 4M UP FOR GU3SS WHO, B4TTL3SH1P, OR P1CT1ON4RY
ROSEBOT: You will just use your mind powers to predict the answers.
TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 YOU WOULD 4CCUS3 M3 OF CH34T1NG 1N SUCH 4N UND3RH4ND3D W4Y!!
TEREZI: 1 4M SHOCK3D *SHOCK3D* BY TH1S 4CCUS4T1ON
ROSEBOT: That should not come as a shock as you have done that for all our past games.
TEREZI: ONLY TO R3T4L14T3 4G41NST YOUR L1GHT W1L3S!!
DIRK: Listen you two.
DIRK: Just a couple of cheaters with your card being played face up.
DIRK: Complete amateurs.
ROSEBOT: You are jealous because you have not yet beaten Terezi.
DIRK: It should not even be possible!
DIRK: Seriously, how do you do it?
TEREZI: OH DO YOU NOT KNOW OH OMN1SC13NT ON3??
TEREZI: 1 M4N4G3D 1T ON 4CCOUNT OF YOU B31NG 4 B1T OF 4 B1TCH
ROSEBOT: Oh nice. High five.
DIRK: When the two of you are done giving each other congratulatory hand jobs can we please move on to the topic of the hour?
ROSEBOT: Phrasing there.
DIRK: Did I stutter? I said hand jobs what of it.
TEREZI: H4ND JOBS HUH??
TEREZI: WH4T D1D TH4T S1CK FUCK 4DD 1NTO YOUR CH41S3 ROS3BOT?!?
TEREZI: D1D H3 4DD 4 ROBO-D1CK??
DIRK: Wait. God dammit.
ROSEBOT: Three feet long. It is massive.
TEREZI: YOU OWN D4UGHT3R HOW COULD YOU??
DIRK: Stop it, both of you.
DIRK: I'm getting two timed massively here.
DIRK: Just shut up please! Before I say anything else stupid.
TEREZI: YOU DO TH4T JUST BY OP3N1NG YOU MOUTH
DIRK: Cute. Real cute.
DIRK: I'm just going to ignore everything else you two say until I finish my statement.
TEREZI: GOOD LUCK W1TH TH4T
DIRK: We are here to embark on the greatest game of SBURB of all time!
ROSEBOT: If you could see my heads up display, there would be a prompt telling me to press "X" to doubt.
ROSEBOT: As you cannot, image me asleep in my pod, holding down the button so hard that I have gone through two other controllers already.
TEREZI: OH TH4T 1S HOW YOU 4R3 CONTROLL1NG TH4T TH1NG!!
DIRK: It will be of the utmost importance that this game be played as it is to incite the existence of Paradox Space itself!!
DIRK: I hope you both appreciate the gravity of this situation.
ROSEBOT: I know you don't appreciate the gravity of YOUR MOM.
TEREZI: H1GH F1V3!!
DIRK: Is it normal for two mature adults to act like children?
ROSEBOT: Who are you referring to as "mature"?
ROSEBOT: I was under the impression that I was too naive to understand the full complexities of your "irony".
TEREZI: Y34H 4ND S1NC3 TH3 L4ST WR1GGL1NG D4Y 1 H4D W4S MY S3V3NTH 4ND TH3N SP3NT 4N 3T3RN1TY FLY1NG THROUGH TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG 1 S4Y 1 WR4PP3D 4ROUND TO B31NG S1X 4G41N
TEREZI: SO, WHO 4R3 YOU C4LL1NG 4N 4DULT??
DIRK: Not you two.
DIRK: The game plan is for us to jump to the far future where civilization will be ready for us to destroy when its players jump into the game.
DIRK: Thanks to the green sun being sucked into a black hole, we will not have to worry about any first guardians interfering with our plans.
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO B3 FUCK1NG W1TH TH3 D3V3LOPM3NT OF TH3 1NH4B1T4NTS??
DIRK: What? No, why?
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH4T YOU WOULD W4NT TH3M TO B3 PR3P4R3D FOR TH3 G4M3 4ND TR41N TH3M TO B3 BLOODTH1RSTY K1LL3RS OR SOM3TH1NG
DIRK: No that's dumb.
DIRK: Knowing about Dave's bro has let me to believe that I have no business messing around to give anyone training or "something".
ROSEBOT: Why were you training so hard with Jake then?
DIRK: That's different.
DIRK: That guy needs a knock or too.
DIRK: That is just how he works, otherwise he wouldn't get anything done without me.
DIRK: Besides, the players don't matter.
DIRK: We are only interested in their session.
TEREZI: W4IT WH4T??
DIRK: The players would only get in the way.
DIRK: We will be hijacking their game session and using it for the greater good.
ROSEBOT: For The Greater Good.
TEREZI: YOU STOP TH4T!!
DIRK: Any questions?
ROSEBOT: What the fuck are we doing exactly?
ROSEBOT: You have not explained jack shit.
DIRK: I explained it all already.
DIRK: Jump to the future, bum a ride to their medium with one of the players.
DIRK: Take over their session to bring about Paradox Space.
DIRK: Profit being the continued existence of everyone and everything we have ever known or conceived of.
TEREZI: 1T S1LL SOUNDS L1K3 YOU 4R3 M4K1NG TH1S UP 4S YOU GO 4LONG
DIRK: Who the fuck plans that far ahead?
TEREZI: SO YOU 4R3 PL4N1NG 4H34D 4ND M4K1NG 1T UP 4S YOU GO 4LONG??
DIRK: See you know me so well after all.
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 JUST 4 CR4ZY P3RSON BUT GO OFF 1 GU3SS
DIRK: Glad you are on board.
DIRK: Are you ready to bring back your dead boyfriend?
You pause to consider my question. Imperceptibly to all but my omniscience, your hand goes surreptitiously to the wallet next to your heart. You imagine that a gentle breeze flows around the deck, blowing you in the right direction. Whoa! Never mind, you didn't imagine it. I felt that too. John must be feeling real antsy in that card. Don't worry, we will get him back soon.
TEREZI: W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S COOL K1D
TEREZI: STOP FUCK1NG N4RR4T1NG M3!!
DIRK: I got to let the audience know what you are thinking.
DIRK: They would be in the dark otherwise.
This tickles something in the back of your mind. Something about...Roxy???
Wait what? What about Roxy?? Your thoughts move away from the rogue as you settle back to the present. Dammit! Terezi what about Roxy makes this familiar? I have to know!
TEREZI: 1M NOT S4Y1NG SH1T!
TEREZI: SO, 4BOUT JOHN???
DIRK: As soon as we are in the game, throw him into the kernelsprite.
DIRK: We need him for this scheme to work.
TEREZI: 1 DONT S33 HOW BUT WH4T3V3R
TEREZI: 1M SUR3 1T 1SNT 4LL TH4T R3L3V4NT
ROSEBOT: Wow we need to get him back.
ROSEBOT: That was a classic Egbertian line if I have ever heard one.
TEREZI: JUST FOR TH4T
TEREZI: 1 R3SC1ND MY PR3V1OUS H1GH F1V3S!!
ROSEBOT: High fives are for keeps.
ROSEBOT: No take-backsies.
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT R34L1Z3 TH4T TH3 H1GH F1V3 ST4K3S W3R3 SO H1GH!!
DIRK: Enough with the high fives already!
DIRK: I will begin the time jump in thirty seconds.
ROSEBOT: "Time jump" Really?
ROSEBOT: That's the name you are going with for this mode of travel?
DIRK: Do you have any better ones, I would love to hear them.
ROSEBOT: The Chrono Kickback.
TEREZI: TH3 SPL1T S3COND SP1N4ROON13
ROSEBOT: The Honorific Hour Hopper.
TEREZI: TH3 T1M3 TR4V3L TWO-ST3P
DIRK: OK stop.
DIRK: Stop whatever else you were going to say right now.
TEREZI: H3Y LOOK!! ONLY T3N S3CONDS L3FT!!
TEREZI: HOW "T1M3 FL13S"
DIRK: That was another suggestion right there wasn't it?
DIRK: Young lady, do not test me.
TEREZI: F1111N3!! WH4T3V3R ""D4D""
DIRK: Wait hold...
And then I'm interrupted by the practical named and *AWESOMELY* named "Time Jump Drive" jumping us a few thousand years into the future. I don't think I ever properly thanked Dave for letting me have the code for his turntables. So I guess I'll say it now: Thanks Dave. The ship drops out of...hyper-space, no wait...hyper-time I guess? And we are back to staring down at the planet.
The lifeform detector....or whatever idiotic name for that thing that Jake called it on this bucket of bolts, beeps. We have civilization, hooray. Let's change that back again now shall we?
DIRK: O.K. What are we looking at here?
DIRK: Humanoids or some other form of life?
TEREZI: TH3Y COULD B3 TROLLO1DS!!
TEREZI: NOT 3V3RYTH1NG H4S TO 1NVOLV3 YOU GUYS
DIRK: You still count as a humanoid.
TEREZI: 4ND YOU COUNT 4S 4 TROLLO1D
TEREZI: B31NG B1P3D4L
TEREZI: US1NG YOUR MOUTH TO CONJUR3 WORDS TH4T TH3 D1CT1ON4RY ONLY B3GRUDG1NGLY 4CC3PTS 4S R34L L3TT3RS STRUNG TOG3TH3R
TEREZI: 4ND 4CT1NG L1K3 HOT SH1T
TEREZI: SO TWO OUT OF THR33 41N'T B4D 1N YOUR C4S3
TEREZI: C4N YOU GU3SS WH1CH TWO??
DIRK: Clever girl.
DIRK: If I was to agree that any of the three were wrong I would agree that I was being an imbecile that didn't use his feet properly, an ignoramus for having such a limited vocabulary, or a diminutive coward that couldn't see how awesome they really were.
DIRK: Fortunately for the universe, I am all three of your listed criteria.
TEREZI: K33P T3LL1NG YOURS3LF TH4T
TEREZI: 4ND DONT C4LL M3 CL3V3R TH4T 1S ST4RT1NG TO BO4RD3R ON CR33PY
DIRK: No it isn't.
ROSEBOT: Yeah it kind of it.
DIRK: No it is not.
TEREZI: DUD3 1T R34LLY 1S.
DIRK: Would it make it better if I offered you both some...
DIRK: You didn't even let me finish.
TEREZI: YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO S4Y C4NDY
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1T, YOU KNOW 1T, ROS3 KNOWS 1T, 3V3RYON3 D1D
TEREZI: 4ND 1M T3LL1NG YOU YOUR C4NDY 1S T3RR1BL3
DIRK: That stuff is for Rosebot.
DIRK: It is intended for robots such as her.
ROSEBOT: It still tastes terrible.
ROSEBOT: What were you going for with that flavor anyway? Licorice??
DIRK: Yes, I thought that I had succeeded on that particular endeavor.
ROSEBOT: It taste like battery acid.
TEREZI: 1 CONCUR
DIRK: Fine, the candy is subpar.
DIRK: I am such a terrible host for inflicting it upon both of you, etc. etc.
DIRK: Please go back to looking for human...bipedal lifeforms.
ROSEBOT: I am picking up an entire cities worth of them on the North Eastern hemisphere.
ROSEBOT: We should start there.
DIRK: Was that so hard to do?
ROSEBOT: It cost me three points of dignity.
ROSEBOT: I can't afford to lose more of those.
ROSEBOT: I hope you appreciate my sacrifice.
DIRK: Your contribution has been noted and a hastily constructed robot dignity party has been thrown in honor of your supposed lost dignity.
DIRK: Only to be called off because robots don't have any dignity in the first place.
ROSEBOT: Not anymore anyway.
TEREZI: OK TH4T SOUNDS GOOD!!
TEREZI: L3T US G3T TO TH3 SUBURBS 4ND G3T TH1S G4M3 OF SBURB GO1NG 4LR34DY!!
We get the ship moving so we can start the game going already. Terezi may have faults but getting right to the point is not one of them.
TEREZI: 1 DO NOT H4V3 4NY F4ULTS
TEREZI: 1 4M TH3 B3ST 4T 3V3RYTH1NG
TEREZI: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW TH1S??
Wow would you look at that, we are here already. *Poof* Awkwardness avoided. Below us is a house in that is clearly some kind of suburbs. Well, it might be a hive with respect to the current company.
TEREZI: 1 DONT T4K3 YOUR R3SP3CT 4T 4LL!!
If I was to describe the living docile, it would look like ol' dead man John's place but with alien attachments to it. The odd window here, a strange corner there, a car pulling out of the driveway and leaving the place. Hang on that is clearly a car leaving...what the hell? What is with similar technology on alien planets? I'll bet you anything they have the same movie stars too. I'll bet you they even have a John Cusack. Everyone seems to have one of those, he is a universal construct don't you know.
TEREZI: H3Y D1RK??
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK WHO 3V3R L1V3S TH3R3 1SNT HOM3 R1GHT NOW
TEREZI: 1S TH4T GO1NG TO B3 4N 1SSU3??
DIRK: It is better this way. We can just cut out the player entirely.
DIRK: Setting down the spaceship...now.
The spaceship lands in what is clearly the backyard and the subsequent backyards of the next three on both sides. I leave the cloaking shield on, no point drawing attention to ourselves.
ROSEBOT: Game located in upstairs bedroom.
ROSEBOT: Permission to start proceedings?
DIRK: That's a major negative Rosebot.
DIRK: I need you to stay here and act as a server player to the game we are about to kick off.
DIRK: Or did you forget how SBURB works already?
ROSEBOT: I did not.
ROSEBOT: I just thought that you would make a better server player.
DIRK: How do you figure?
ROSEBOT: Seeing everything from above, having to command someone to get things done, being in total control of their environment.
ROSEBOT: Seemed like you.
DIRK: Shit your right.
DIRK: O.K. new plan.
DIRK: You two go and I'll stay here.
TEREZI: GL4D YOU SO K1NDLY 4GR33D TO PL4Y 4LONG W1TH YOUR 3GO.
TEREZI: S33R L3TS GO!!
ROSEBOT: Right behind you...seer.
They both leave the bridge. Finally peace and quiet. All that yakking was really was really getting to me. Just kidding Terezi, I know I talk more than both you and Rose combined. Alright, that is enough of being me.
> Go back to being Terezi again.
You are Terezi again and hot damn are you mad as hell, particularly at me.
TEREZI: OF COURS3!!
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK D1D 1 S4Y 4BOUT TH1S "YOU" BUS1N3SS?!
To stop. But it is necessary for me to conduct the narrative.
TEREZI: 1 C4N CONDUCT MYS3LF JUST F1N3!!
You are now me again.
Wow, what the fuck was the point of all that shit! Now we have no idea what the fuck is happening inside the house. If only we could know what the blind troll was doing then maybe we could continue with the story instead of sitting around with our thumbs up our assess! I guess we will never, ever know what...
My pocket buzzes as my phone receives an incoming call. I quickly pick it up and check the number. Oh. It's from Terezi. I guess that is acceptable. I answer it.
TEREZI: TH3 "BL1ND TROLL" 4S YOU S41D 1S R34DY TO GO
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU R34DY S1R L34D3R GUY??
DIRK: Oh please.
DIRK: You use the blind troll to get away with stuff all the time.
DIRK: You're downright proud about it at this point.
DIRK: Don't act like you are offended by my statement.
TEREZI: TRU3!! >:]
TEREZI: BUT YOU ST1LL 4R3N'T T3LL1NG M3 1F YOU GOT TH3 S3RV3R PROGR4M GO1NG OR NOT
DIRK: Obviously I do.
DIRK: What do you take me for?
TEREZI: TH3N WHY 1S NOTH1NG H4PP3N1NG
DIRK: Maybe it is a problem on your side.
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH4T YOU 4R3 US1NG TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON TO ST4LL WH1L3 YOU 1NST4LL TH3 PROGR4M
DIRK: I have no idea what you are talking about.
DIRK: Do you meant the client program...
DIRK: The one that we have had for several weeks
DIRK: Just sitting on the ships computers
DIRK: Where we had nothing but time to kill
DIRK: Is defiantly
TEREZI: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD
TEREZI: TH4NK FUCK!!!
There is a period of about thirty seconds that pass while you watch a loading screen happen and it is all set up. The greatest game of SBURB is about to commence!
TEREZI: W4S PUTT1NG TH4T 1N FRONT OF TH3 DOOR N3C3SS4RY??
DIRK: There's a door there?
DIRK: What on earth is Rosebot doing in that corner?
TEREZI: R4TH3R LOUDLY 1 M1GHT 4DD
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND OF D1STURB1NG W1TH TH4T ROBOT1C TW4NG SH3 H4S
DIRK: Why is she doing that?
TEREZI: B34TS M3
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT "3L3G4NC3" OR SOM3TH1NG
DIRK: Well when you both are done fucking around, let's stick to the plan alright?
TEREZI: TH3R3 1S NO PL4N TH4T DO3S NOT 1NVOLV3 FUCK1NG 4ROUND
TEREZI: BUT 1 GOT 1T
TEREZI: T1M3 TO G3T P4NDOR4'S CYL1ND3R PRODUC3R UP 4ND RUNN1NG 4G41N
DIRK: And remember to wait...
TEREZI: 1 FUCK1NG *H4V3* PL4Y3D B3FOR3 YOU KNOW?!?!
TEREZI: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO B4CKS34T M4NSPL41N 1T TO M3
TEREZI: W3 THROW JOHN 1N 4FT3R W3 3NT3R TH3 M3D1UM
TEREZI: 1T 1S NOT ROCK3T SC13NC3
DIRK: And don't forget...
TEREZI: ROS3BOT GOT 1T
TEREZI: TH3 K3RN3LSPR1T3 H4S B33N PROTOTYP3D 4LR34DY
TEREZI: 4ND NOW W3 JUST N33D TH3 C4RD 4ND 4LCH3M1T3R
DIRK: The card is right by your feet, don't you see it?
TEREZI: OF COURS3 NOT!!
DIRK: Just messing with you.
DIRK: Do you smell it?
TEREZI: Y333333SSSS D44444DDDD
DIRK: Why are you calling me "Dad"?
TEREZI: WHY NOT?? ROS3 1S
DIRK: Do you even know what "Dad" means in the context of human relationships?
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1 D1D BUT 1 C4N S33 TH4T 1 W4S 1N 3RROR
TEREZI: L3T US N3V3R M3NT1ON 1T 4G41N
DIRK: I am in favor of that.
TEREZI: Y3S MR OR4NG3 M1LKSH4K3S
TEREZI: TH3 C4RD H4S B33N R3TR13V3D
TEREZI: 4ND NOW TH3 3NTRY 1T3M...WO4H!!
DIRK: What happened?
Before I can check, the house glows with the familiar light of a building just about to enter the medium. The problem is that includes the backyard and everything in it. You know, when you're an all-powerful god and are omniscient as fuck nothing should surprise you. Perhaps omniscience is not all it is cracked up to be. As the light consumes the ship I reflect that maybe I should have taken off again as soon as the other two had left. Whelp, too late now!
And just like that we are once again in the Medium. I don't even bother to look around to see what new planet we are on. Whatever the floating words are saying, whatever Land of x and y we ended up in, it doesn't matter. Not that we are here, it is time to kick things into high gear. With the new session at my disposal there is so much to do. I kick down the spaceship door and jump off on the ye 'ol rocket board. Sure, thanks to my ascension to godhood I don't need it anymore. But there is such a thing as style. I do about three very necessary loops around the house grinding on rails, doing radical kick flips, backhanded handstands, and just getting all the wicked shit out of the system! To be honest, the weeks being on the spaceship was a bit confining, it's nice to just cut loose and school some fools on just how to ride a fiery-ass skateboard strapped to a rocket. Then I crash through the upper window, there is always time to show off just how badass you are, but when it's time to get down to business, you have to know how to make an entrance.
And no one is there because everyone is still on the balcony. Because I just saw them when I was flipping around and generally being awesome. And where I put the Alchemiter, where they still gathered around because that is where you get an entry item from. I crash through the other window of the room and do one last loop curve around the roof and land next to them all. All are gathered as I perfectly well knew they would be. Terezi has not wasted any time and is already deep in conversation with Johnsprite, both are crying pretty hard. Maybe it was for the best that we missed that reunion. Probably some embarrassing stuff to sit through. Even Rosebot has a small smile on her metallic face. Alright, I'll admit it, even I am giving the signature one pixel Strider smile. And why not? Terezi will be more focused now and I needed John alive anyway, got big plans for him.
There is a rumble overhead and with that noise comes a sinking feeling in everyone. I look up to see a fucking huge beam of energy bearing down on us! It will get here in all of two seconds! I'm fairly confident that I can flash step out of the way of it but I need everyone else here! And that's not even taking into question where the fuck that beam came from and who shot it!! Even as I narrate this line the beam comes down to
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK JUST H4PP3N3D?????!!??
TEREZI: M1ST3R OR4NG3 M1LKSH4K3S??
TEREZI: W3LL SH1T
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS D1RK 1S D34D
Terezi searches through the ruins of the house but cannot find a trace of the blue specter that had so recently saved her.
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T H4PP3N3D TH3R3
TEREZI: 1 W4S T4LK1NG W1TH JOHN WH3N TH4T B34M C4M3 DOWN
TEREZI: H3 PUSH3D M3 1N TO TH3 HOUS3 WH3R3 TH3R3 W4S JUST 3NOUGH COV3R...
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS H3'S D34D 4G41N
TEREZI: ROS3BOT TOO!!
TEREZI: NOP3, SH1P'S ST1LL TH3R3
TEREZI: ROS3 H3RS3LF 1S PROB4BLY F1N3
TEREZI: TH33 FUCK
TEREZI: W4S TH4T??
TEREZI: *S1GH* 4ND JUST WH3N 1 N33D3D SOM3 S3LF 1NDULG3NT SMUG 3XPOS1T1ON H3 1SN'T 4ROUND
TEREZI: *SN1FF* *SN1FF*
TEREZI: WH4T 1S *SN1FF* *SN1FF* TH4T??!?
(VRISKA): (Ha! Did you see that?? I got him good!)
VRISKA: (Yeah you did!)
VRISKA: (8ut may8e, you should have w8ed 8efore you killed him?)
(VRISKA): (Oh come on!)
(VRISKA): (He was right there!!!!!!!!)
(VRISKA): (He was asking for it.)
VRISKA: What kind of idiot just Flips The Fuck Out like that on a skate8oard?
VRISKA: Perfect target!
VRISKA: Shame a8out the house though.
(VRISKA): Yeah I guess.
(VRISKA): Why does it look so much like John's hive?
VRISKA: Oh good! Not just me then!
VRISKA: This defiantly looks like Harry Anderson's dad's place.
(VRISKA): It isn't a universal construct is it????????
(VRISKA): You know, no matter where you go, no matter what universe you happen to 8e in, some versions of things tend to exist.
(VRISKA): A 8it like John Cusack.
VRISKA: Why the hell would Harry's Looser Dad's House 8e a Universal Construct?
(VRISKA): I have no idea!!!!!!!!
(VRISKA): I was just throwing it out there!
(VRISKA): It is just a terri8le thought I just had...
VRISKA: Enlighten me.
(VRISKA): ...If John's house exists across multiple universes and plains of reality...
(VRISKA): What does that say a8out the man himself?
VRISKA: You're right, that is a terri8le thought.
VRISKA: Why would you Even Think That?????????
VRISKA: Who the fuck cares a8out Harry's dad?
(VRISKA): Wow, you are so right. Again!
(VRISKA): Good going me! Keeping me on the straight and narrow of 8eing fucking awesome!
VRISKA: Aww! Thank you! :::::::)
TEREZI: VRISKA?? WHAT THE HELL!!!!
(VRISKA): What are you doing here.........?
(VRISKA): OOF! WH8T WAS THAT FOR???????
TEREZI: YOU JUST K1LL3D JOHN TH4T'S WH4T 1T'S FOR!!
TEREZI: 1 JUST BROUGHT H1M B4CK!!
(VRISKA): Hold up. Wha..?
TEREZI: FUCK YOU FOR K1LL1NG D1RK TOO!!
TEREZI: DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCK1NG LONG 1 H4D TO HOLD B4CK MYS3LF TO STOP FROM MURD3R1NG H1M 1N H1S SL33P??
TEREZI: 4ND YOU 3V3N T4K3 TH4T FROM M3!!
(VRISKA): W8. Terezi...
TEREZI: YOU JUST V4N1SH FROM MY L1F3 FOR Y34RS ON 3ND 4ND JUST WH3N 1 W4S R34DY TO MOV3 ON, YOU FUCK1NG SHOW UP TO RU1N 3V3RYTH1NG L1K3 USU4L!!
TEREZI: YOU KNOW, 1 HON3STLY THOUGHT YOU H4D CH4NG3D
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT M4YB3 4T TH3 3ND OF OUR TR1P TH4T YOU H4D ST4RT3D TO C4R3 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG OTH3R TH3N YOURS3LF
TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 COULD H4V3 P4TCH3D TH1NGS UP 4G41N W1TH TH4T M3SS4G3 YOU S3NT
(VRISKA): You got it???
(VRISKA): Why didn't you respond 8ack??
VRISKA: OH TH4T 1S SO R1CH COM1NG FROM YOU!!
TEREZI: 1'LL B3T YOU H4V3N'T 3V3N CH3CK3D YOURS
TEREZI: 1 JUST FUCK1NG KNOW TH4T YOU H4V3 NOT LOOK3D 4T YOU OWN D4MN PHON3 TO S33 WH4T COULD B3 TH3R3
TEREZI: M3SS4G3S 1 S3NT YOU Y34RS 4ND Y34RS 4GO!!
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 4BOUT *YOURS*??
TEREZI: JUDG1NG BY TH3 SM3LL OF YOU YOUR NOT 3V3N 31GHT Y3T!!
TEREZI: YOUR 4BSOLUT3 F4VOR1T3 NUMB3R OF 4LL FUCK1NG T1M3
TEREZI: HOW LONG 4GO D1D YOU S3ND 1T??
TEREZI: 1 W1LL B3T 4 F3W W33KS, 4 MONTH 4T B3ST
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 S3LF-C3NT3R3D B1TCH 1T 1S NOT 3V3N WORTH M3NT1ON1NG!!
TEREZI: YOU JUST FUCK1NG S4Y TH3 N4M3 "VR1SK4" 4ND 3V3RYBODY JUST KNOWS
TEREZI: NOTH1NG TO S4Y NOW OH 4M4Z1NG H3RO OF P4R4DOX SP4C3??
TEREZI: NO BR4GG1NG 4BOUT HOW YOU L3FT M3 TO GO F1GHT 4N UNK1LL4BL3 SKULL MONST3R?
TEREZI: NOTH1NG TO S4Y 4BOUT HOW *YOU* S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO COM3 B4CK??
TEREZI: NOT 4 FUCK1NG WORD 4BOUT HOW YOU 4R3 SUCH HOT SH1T TH4T YOU M4N4G3D TO "3SC4P3" C4NDY 34RTH W1TH YOUR V4STLY SUP3R1OR 3CTO-COUNT3RP4RT??
VRISKA: (Damn Right I Am.)
TEREZI: DON'T YOU H4V3 4NYTH1NG *4NYTH1NG* TO S4Y TO M3????
TEREZI: YOU DO H4V3...*SN1FF* SOM3TH1NG FOR M3 R1GHT??
TEREZI: YOU...D1DN'T COM3 4LL TH1S W4Y JUST TO F33L 1MPORT4NT 4G41N...
TEREZI: *SN1FF* R1...R1GHT??
VRISKA: Oh for fuck sakes.
VRISKA: TELL HER YOU SPINELESS WRIGGLER!!!!!!!!
(VRISKA): This could help?
Terezi slapped the proffered hand away. The candy hit the ground cracking it neatly in two.
TEREZI: NO MOR3 C4NDY!
TEREZI: NO MOR3 M34T!
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT 4N 3ND TO TH1S!!
TEREZI: 1 DON'T W4NT 4NY MOR3 CHO1C3S, WH4T-1F'S, OR M4YB3'S!!
TEREZI: 1 JUST...
Her voice already a grating sound, cracked, and the tears were beginning in earnest. She cannot even smell (Vriska) properly, in her grief, she is like an orange blur mixed with teal form her own eye's. She wanted to know why orange douchebags always, ALWAYS, got in the way of people she cared about.
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT TO F33L FUCK1NG R34L!!
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT TO FUCK1NG F33L TH1NGS W1THOUT S3COND GU3SS1NG 3V3RY *FUCK1NG* L1TTL3 TW1NG3 TH4T WH4T 1'M F33L1NG 1S WH4T 1 M34N!!
TEREZI: NO MOR3 B31NG D1CT4T3D BY OR4NG3 FUCK1NG 4SSHOL3S!!
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 JUST L1K3 D1RK
TEREZI: JUST L1K3 TH4T OTH3R OR4NG3 GUY
TEREZI: 4ND JUST L1K3 YOUNG LORD 3NGL1SH
TEREZI: YOU JUST H4V3 TO B3 TH3 MOST FUCK1NG 1MPORT4NT P3RSON TO 3V3R 3X1ST FOR 4LL P3OPL3 3V3RYWH3R3!!
TEREZI: 4ND YOU KNOW WH4T?
TEREZI: B3 FUCK1NG 1MPORT4NT!! B3 TH3 C4US3 4ND SOLUT1ON TO 3V3RYON3'S M1S3RY 4ND H4PP1N3SS 1N 4LL OF P4R4DOX SP4C3!!
TEREZI: BUT YOU W1LL NOT B3 MY 4NYTH1NG 4NYMOR3...
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 NOT 1MPORT4NT TO *M3*!!
TEREZI: YOU S3LF1SH 4RROG4NT, PUSSY WHO C4N'T 3V3N S4Y TH4T...TH4T...
TEREZI: S4Y TH4T YOU....YOU...FUCK!!
Terezi couldn't even say it out loud either. What a hypocrite she was. But she knew that she had been lying to herself. Vriska didn't care about her at all.
TEREZI: 1 FUCK1NG *H4T3* YOU VR1SK4!
TEREZI: 4ND 1 DO NOT M34N TH4T 4S 4NY ROM4NT1C G3STUR3 S3RK3T!
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 SUNK SO LOW TO M3 TH4T YOU DO NOT 3X1ST
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 1RR3L3V4NT TO M3!!
TEREZI: SO DO P4R4DOX 4 F4VOR 4ND GO D13!!
TEREZI: 4ND TH1S T1M3...1'M NOT BR1NG1NG YOU B4CK
(VRISKA): Terezi...I...I...I love...
Terezi slapped Vriska across the face knocking her glasses off, openly sobbing now. The years of loss, the grief, and the endless sadness welled up inside her.
TEREZI: YOU LOV3 YOURS3LF, DON'T YOU PR3T3ND 4NY D1FF3R3NT!!
TEREZI: DON'T YOU FUCK1NG D4R3 PR3T3ND TH4T YOU M4G1C4LLY C4R3 4BOUT M3 TH4T W4Y NOW 4FT3R 4LL TH1S T1M3!!
TEREZI: L34V3 M3 TH3 FUCK 4LON3 4ND DON'T 3V3R COM3 B4CK!!
Terezi turned away weeping. She half staggered, half ran from the two Serkets into an approaching white light. She went straight in and it engulfed her as if she had never existed at all. The timeline was breaking down, the causality of canon so far past the breaking point that all events were meaningless and were swirling back into a background white noise of nothing. The gulf of light creeped up to the two spider girls.
Vriska had her hands over her mouth staring wide eyed at (Vriska). She had never seen someone mess so that badly in her whole life.
VRISKA: You Fucked Up.
It was a paltry sentence to illustrate the gravity of the scene she had witnessed but it seemed to sum up the events nicely. (Vriska) was still sitting down from when Terezi had punched her, the Proton Canon she had used lay forgotten five feet away from her. She reached up and touched the spot where Terezi had slapped her and her own eyes filled with moisture.
VRISKA: So what is going to Happen To Us Now when that light...
(Vriska) looked up to see that the light had taken her other self too. She seemed to be the only one that existed. The light had left her in a colored bubble of existence as irrelevance claimed everything, even her other self. (Vriska) guessed that made her...just plain Vriska again. That thought saddened her far more then it should have. Vriska got to her hands and knees, bright blue stained the grass that was turning less green by the second. She looked up at the spot where Terezi had vanished. She wouldn't come back. Was it selfish of her to want her to anyway? To hope?? To wonder if maybe...maaaybe things could change?? Vriska realized that yes, it was selfish of her to hope, at least, it would be...if she didn't provide something to keep it aflame. She swallowed and tried to keep her spark of hope alive.
VRISKA: I am so fucking sorry!
VRISKA: I don't really want to 8e important, what's the point?
VRISKA: No one is even around anymore to see it.
VRISKA: I thought that 8y moving forward I could...may8e see you again?!
VRISKA: I wanted to find you so 8adly Terezi.
VRISKA: I missed you, way more then I thought I would.
VRISKA: The truth is that...I need you Terezi.
The colors were draining out of Vriska now. She watched with a detached sense of curiosity as her skin turned from gray to white and then seemed to vanish.
VRISKA: You were the only thing that kept me going. Literally!!
VRISKA: With out you I'd 8e dead. Well, OK you were the *reason* I died 8ut hey, stuff happens!!
VRISKA: That weak-ass version of myself, she was from that doomed timeline wasn't she?
VRISKA: The one John came from to knock me out.
VRISKA: All 8ecause you missed *me*.
VRISKA: I still don't 8elieve it, that you worried a8out me that much.
VRISKA: I wanted to ask you a8out it. I wanted so 8adly to know the reason why you wanted me 8ack.
VRISKA: There was a million ways John could have changed things.
VRISKA: You chose me.
VRISKA: I couldn't ask though, that would have 8een weakness.
VRISKA: 8esides, we were going to 8e gods!
VRISKA: We would have had all the time in the world.
VRISKA: All the time Terezi!! All of it, just for us!
She could still fell her fingers even if she could no longer see them. Vriska wiped away her tears that still fell. The blue marking the outlines of non-relevant features. Who had made her important anyway? She didn't matter, Terezi was the important one! The true invisible riddler hiding behind glasses, her smile...and her pain. Why had it taken the end of a useless path of time and space for her to acknowledge it? Why, when it no longer mattered? Where were all these feelings when they were on that meteor for three years? Or on that end platform an eternity ago? Or when she messaged her and her alt-self egging her on? Or just five minutes ago, when Terezi had looked into her god damn soul with eye's that she no longer even had, and she couldn't say a single word. Terezi had even begged her to say it, pleaded with her. She had tried to make the feelings that were so hard to deal with, all the fake feelings she had, the ones she had made for herself, and to make the ones inside of Vriska slightly more real. She didn't need to though, because they were already there. She only had a few more seconds, why not? Who would hear? Who would care? No one and for once, not having to prove herself to a single living soul, Vriska proved something to herself. She was, in fact, hella gay as all fuck for Terezi.
VRISKA: (I fucking love you.)
She was barely just a floating head now in the abyss. But Vriska felt that was a pretty fucking weak sauce of a confession, she had to put her own spin on things! Vriska stood up and declared in a much louder voice, raising it up higher as she went.
VRISKA: I, Vriska Serket, declare to all 8eings 8eyond my comprehension that I FUCKING LOVE TEREZI PYROPE!
She held up two invisible middle fingers to the universe at large as she continued.
VRISKA: And no matter how non-canonical I 8ecome or what I did or what I do in the future or how this plays out, there is nothing that can change that!!!!!!
VRISKA: Do your fucking worst!!!!!!!
The light fully engulfed Vriska, sentencing her and the entire timeline to irrelevance. The white light slowly pulls away, revealing the tangle of mind paths as the dark pocket of time slowly becomes all but a memory.
Well this took way to long!
I've had a good two thirds of this chapter written for like a month now.
If I was being smart about it, I would have cut it up into smaller chapters and posted a lot sooner. And I was planning to post the next chapter simultaneously. But this has taken so long that you might as well but it out now. (No one is the boss of ME! I do what I want!!)
I'm not planning to take nearly as long for the next chapter, though the way this side ballooned that's not guarantee. For my next project I will be pushing smaller chapters for more content in a shorter time frame. I like shorter things anyway, less stuff to fuss around with coding and such. Speaking of, if any of you have a way to cut down time with stuff like proper troll quirks and formating please let me know! commandermark quirk generator and classpectanon's pesterlog formater are a GOD send, without which this fic would not be possible. But if there is other things I could be doing, please let me know!! I really like working on this fic, but some of the fiddle stuff makes it really difficult to finish these and adds like 2 or 3 more hours of work on top of everything else.
Anyway, the next chapter will be done....SOME TIME! Within two weeks?? Maybe??? IDK. I'm hoping typing it up directly will save some time but there *might* be a drop in quality. Who knows.
So, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to comment and all the other things one does here!
Chapter 9: Candy for Terezi: Chapter 9-1: A Challenge Is Issued
In which the seers plan a showdown.
Candy already felt like the wrong choice. It was far too sweet on Terezi's sensitive tongue and it made her feel sick and queasy. But she missed her. A lot. So, whatever the consequences of her choice may be, so be it.
John gives her a sad nod but doesn't begrudge her this choice. Had it been him at the age of thirteen he would have picked Vriska too, well, before he had known what all she had done. Well, except for the period where he had known what she had done and wanted to go on a date with her anyway...The point was that John got it. And just like that John vanishes in a puff of air and Terezi jerks awake in a cold sweat. She has a few things to get done before her waifu jamboree. The first thing she had to do was take care of the princes little pet. For Terezi, that would not be a challenging obstacle.
Rosebot is sitting around a wooden table absentmindedly eating from the candy bowl in the center while doing complex calculations in her head. She had been told on good authority that if you get to the end of Pi that the last digit would be four. This was hard to prove as her calculators were constantly overflowing. This is why she did not noticed Terezi enter the room until the former coughed loudly. She was clearly concealing something and that caused Rosebot to be intrigued. The other seer was surprisingly skilled when it came to crafting games and scenarios that whiled away the time while they waited for their fearless leader to find whatever the heck he was looking for.
TEREZI: S33R OF M1ND!!
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 COM3 TO OFF3R YOU 4 CH4LL3NG3!!
ROSEBOT: Pray tell what is the nature of this challenge, oh similarly titled hero of mind?
TEREZI: 1T 1S 4 V3RY S3R1OUS CH4LL3NG3
TEREZI: ON3 TH4T 1 4M SUR3 YOU W1LL UND3RST4ND TH3 1MPORT4NC3 OF
TEREZI: 1T W1LL S3RV3 4S 4 GR34T T1M3 W4ST3R WH1L3 W3 W41T FOR WH4T3V3R 1T 1S D1RK W4NTS
ROSEBOT: Well, that much was obvious.
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU PR3P4R3D FOR...
Terezi brought out from behind her back a sheet of paper covered in a grid pattern criss crossed with numbers sprinkled through it. She also fished out a pen with the other hand and clicked the point with a dramatic flourish.
TEREZI: W1Z4RD SUDOKU??
ROSEBOT: Do you not understand what your asking?
ROSEBOT: That is a very sacred and honorable tradition to engage another
wizard seer in the noble art of number slinging to beat each other to solve an unfathomable puzzle while smacking each other with humorous weapons at the same time.
TEREZI: YOU DON'T W4NT TO??
ROSEBOT: On the contrary I am all for it
ROSEBOT: I was curious on what the stakes would be.
ROSEBOT: Don't be dumb.
ROSEBOT: Challenging a fellow
wizard seer to a game of Wizard Square Numbers Dance is a clearly a reference to the mythical challenge one presents to Death in order to gain ones life back from the great beyond.
ROSEBOT: It is therefore implied that there needs to be risks and rewards involved for such a gambit.
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH4T YOU CH4LL3NG3D D34TH 1N 4 G4M3 OF CH3SS
ROSEBOT: He has many games in his cabinet Terezi.
ROSEBOT: Not everything has to be an illusion to chess.
TEREZI: W3LL TH3N WH4T 1S TH3 PO1NT??
ROSEBOT: Beats me.
ROSEBOT: If there isn't some grand illusion to chess then you are forming your metaphors wrong.
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU W4NT TH3 ST4K3S TO B3?
ROSEBOT: The world of course.
TEREZI: YOUR W4NT1NG ROBOT DOM1N4T1ON 1S NOT3D BUT 1 DO NOT H4V3 TH3 POW3R OF SUCH 4 G4MBL3
TEREZI: B3S1D3S YOU LOUDLY D3CL4R1NG 1T H4S GOTT3N OLD
ROSEBOT: I don't know what you mean.
ROSEBOT: Why wouldn't I strive to turn everyone and everything into robots?
TEREZI: DO YOU N33D 4 K4N4Y4BOT TO K33P YOU FROM GO1NG DOWN TH1S GR1M 4ND D4RK P4TH OF ROBOT1C 4POC4LYPS3?
ROSEBOT: Hmm. Perhaps I do.
ROSEBOT: Just imagine it, That Prim Sound Of Her Voice Would Fit Right At Home In Such A Vessel.
TEREZI: 4ND TH1NK OF TH3 ROBO-SMOOCH3S
TEREZI: 1F 3QU1US W4S TO B3 B3L13V3D, YOUR BODY ST1LL COULD G1V3 OUT WOND3RFUL K1SS3S!
TEREZI: 4LTHOUGH H3 W4S PR3TTY W31RD SO M4YB3 DON'T TRY TH4T OUT
ROSEBOT: Kissing aside, which is defiantly not a topic I have been thinking about on a regular basis, I think that there still should be stakes to our game.
TEREZI: 1 TOLD YOU B3FOR3 1 4M ONLY K1SS1NG YOUR CORPOR34L BODY
TEREZI: NO M4TT3R HOW MUCH 1 JOK3 4BOUT M4D ROBO-SMOOCH3S
ROSEBOT: What? Oh, no.
ROSEBOT: If I win, you will get into a control pod and see just how much better it is to be an emotionless tin can then to deal with all the problems that comes with the mortal flesh.
TEREZI: 1MMORT4L FL3SH 1N YOUR C4S3
ROSEBOT: And now I have become deus ex machina, deal with it.
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T H4PP3NS WH3N 1 1N3V1T4BLY W1N??
ROSEBOT: You issued the challenge, you issue the terms of victory.
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, YOU H4V3 TO COM3 OUT
ROSEBOT: I can assure you that I left the closet long ago. You can ask my wife if you don't believe me.
TEREZI: OUT OF TH3 CONTROL POD YOU US3L3SS ROBOL3SB14N
ROSEBOT: I have reasons to remain inside.
ROSEBOT: What part of "I have ascended and it is terrible" do you not comprehend?
TEREZI: FOWL B34ST!!
ROSEBOT: What are you...?
TEREZI: BW4K BW4K BW4K
ROSEBOT: Oh I see.
ROSEBOT: You are insinuating that I am a chicken for not facing this trial from outside of my protected body.
TEREZI: COM3 ON L4LOND3 YOU 4R3 M4K1NG 4SC3ND1NG F4R WORS3 TH3N 1T 4CTU4LLY 1S
ROSEBOT: You only had to deal with on version of your alternate memories.
ROSEBOT: I am having to cope with all of them.
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS YOU 4R3 NOT 4 V3RY GOOD L1GHT PL4Y3R 4FT3R 4LL
TEREZI: C4N W3 CH4NG3 YOUR H3RO T1TL3 TO S33R OF MUD??
ROSEBOT: Fine. I will accept your terms.
ROSEBOT: If only to stop your childish insults.
TEREZI: OH DON'T F3LL TO B4D 1T DO3SN'T H4V3 TO B3 FOR LONG
TEREZI: F1V3 M1NU3TS 1S PL3NTY
ROSEBOT: Why did you not say so to start with?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 ROS3
TEREZI: TH3 TRUTH 1S
TEREZI: 1 JUST L1K3 TO M3SS W1TH YOU
ROSEBOT: God damn it Terezi.
TEREZI: W3 DO1NG TH1S OR WH4T??
ROSEBOT: Let me get my tea set.
I'm trying something different here. Shorter chapters are a lot easier to edit and put up, so my plan is to post each of these section of the candy side as their own chapters. Hopefully this means this fic gets done faster.
Question for all you though, when I finish the Candy side, should I take all of Candy and put it into one chapter so that it matches with Meat? Or should I leave it in multiple chapters just to confuse everyone? Either is good, just thought I get some feedback.
Chapter 10: Candy for Terezi: Chapter 9-2: Terezi Owns
In which Terezi owns. (That was kind of obvious huh?)
Dirk had been waiting around the bridge moody and stewing in his dark thoughts and infinite patience. It was not all that infinite as he grew board of it and wondered where the hell his help had got to. Sawtooth was not responsive and Squarewave was even more allusive than usual. Oh, and Rosebot and Terezi were MIA too. He guessed they may be a smidge more important than the other two.
Not that their silence wasn't pleasant, he had been dealing with the two seers nonstop since they started this trip. Terezi he had been expecting to be a touch annoying, she had pestered him with endless questions about where they were going and how exactly John would be coming back and what exactly had Dirk planed for her and John. He had dodged the questions easily and had her eating out of the palm of his hand obviously. She was so desperate for answers and a purpose that she was almost begging him to stay. Though he thought the flirting was a bit much. Did trolls just not understand what being a homosexual meant? Trolls sure were weird, they did not respect a guy’s preference at all.
Rosebot on the other hand, well, he had wanted someone that was his intellectual equal and she had damn well delivered. Dirk just hadn't anticipated all the back sass at every order he gave. Even the pantaloons were not coming back as ironed as they used to. Dirk had assured her that she wasn't anyone’s handmaid but she was getting ideas. Dangerous ideas. Possibly grimdark ones. Granted, he had led her, OK more pushed, her down this dark path, but a
wizard seer of dark power were supposed to wait until great power was within their grasp, not before the plan was had begun yet! Still, contingencies were set up for a reason and what was the point of having them in place if they were not used when needed? True, Rosebot might kill him if he ever did but that was the price you payed for the greater good.
Dirk found them eventually in a backroom of the ship. He looked on in poker faced silence as he watched Rosebot in a teapot with wheels about the size of car chase around Terezi who was in a cup and saucer similarly kited out. Terezi also held a smaller tea beverage in her hand for some reason. There was square boxes covered in numbers and symbols everywhere, along with Tetris blocks, chess pieces, and a god damn Qbert giving Dirk the stink eye. He punched it in the snout to assert dominance. No weird wizard video game construct was going to get away with that kind of look! Plus the orange guy had been using some pretty foul language.
DIRK: Having fun?
Rosebot barely spared him a glance as she took a sharp turn passed what Dirk thought were Mario Question Mark blocks but after a casual backhand from the speeding driver, the sides turned into little cat faces and another side a crudely scrawled seven.
ROSEBOT: Depends on your definition of "fun".
ROSEBOT: What is this "fun" that you speak of?
ROSEBOT: I remember having it once.
TEREZI: 1 4M B31NG F4R TOO S3R1OUS TO B3 H4V1NG FUN!
Terezi ditched the car, opting instead to mount a bishop in some desperate hope of avoiding the oncoming Rosebot. The robot Seer gave a dismissive sniff as the two wheeled teapot transformed into a horse and deftly tried to skewer Terezi with her Jousting Wands that she now held.
DIRK: You know, I'm all for working out your issues with each other but we need to get moving.
ROSE: Aw, that is a shame.
TEREZI: Y34H 1T 1S
With Rosebot distracted by Dirk, Terezi reached over and almost lazily tipped her cup over, dumping the contents on top of Rosebot. She immediately started to sizzle and pop.
ROSEBOT: Oh god! Why must I be so predictably vulnerable to liquids!!
She then blew up in a fiery explosion with both Dirk and Terezi looking on in silence. They looked at each other. Neither said anything for several seconds. Terezi slid down the bishop and put the cup down on the floor without breaking eye contact.
TEREZI: 4ND W1TH TH4T 1 W1N
DIRK: That was entirely unnecessary. Although I do respect the ruthless tenacity that you just showed.
DIRK: What your big plan now Seer?
DIRK: Rose does need that robot vessel after all.
TEREZI: AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AT LEAST THREE BACKUP BOTS FOR JUST SUCH AN OCCASION
TEREZI: MY B1G PL4N W4S TO T4K3 H3R OFF TH3 BO4RD
DIRK: And what game would you need to remove her from the...
Dirk looked down at the sword-cane in his chest. His pokerfaced facade did not twitch even a tiny amount as he observed the blade sticking in him and watched his blood spilt out of the gash.
DIRK: You didn't even let the narration say you were drawing the damn thing.
TEREZI: D1DN'T TH3 TH1RD P3RSON N4R1T1V3 T1P YOU OFF?
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD H4V3 R34LLY S33N TH4T COM1NG BUDDY
TEREZI: YOU W3R3 D34D S1NC3 TH1S S1D3 OF TH3 STORY ST4RT3D
TEREZI: NOW B3 4 D3C3NT P3RSON FOR ONC3 1N YOUR L1F3 4ND JUST NOT S4Y 4NYTH1NG
Dirk did not have anything to say as he slumped to the ground, hands trying to pull the blade out of himself or possible to try to use it to take his head off. Strider could never let a joke die, at least ones where they involved him dying. Terezi kicked the Prince over and pulled the blade out. She wiped the blood off on his stupid frilly poof’s leggy things, whatever the hell those things were called, and stowed the implement away. Well she had done it now, that was her choice but she ought to check anyway.
Reaching into her sylladex, Terezi pulled out John's Wallet and then the card he should be stowed away on. As she suspected, John was no longer there. She could already feel the air growing slightly stale around her, the Heir no longer around to move it. She sighed. That was her choice and she was damn sure going to see it through. She put away the empty card and walked out of the room, the smoking husk of the robot and the man still bleeding out on the floor in her wake. The Seer of Mind had a reward to collect.
After several tens of minutes where Terezi stumbled around trying to find the correct room, she finally found Rose still asleep in her pod. There was no need for the Prince to hide his daughter after all. She needed to stay in for her to be protected. Or she had been. Terezi knew that she would be fine now, there was not a future that needed to be seen now. It's hard to do that when you become irrelevant.
Terezi wondered whether that made her (Terezi) and her (Rose) but that kind of thinking wasn't very productive at the moment so she turned back to the task at hand. Typing a few buttons on the side of the pod, Terezi caused a hiss and the water to drain, leaving Rose unsubmerged. With one more press the pod opened leaving the Light player exposed to the air for the first time in several weeks. She was unchanged since she went under, weather that was due to her being a god tier player or the water had some chemical in it that made her so was not clear to the other seer but she appreciated the news nonetheless. She knew nothing would bad would happen to her in there.
Terezi pulled out the god dressed in orange, setting her down gently.
TEREZI: TH4T 1S MY W4G3R FULF1LL3D
TEREZI: YOU C4M3 OUT
TEREZI: YOU C4N GO B4CK 1N 1F YOU W4NT WH3N YOU W4K3 UP ROS3 BUT 1 DONT TH1NK YOU W1LL N33D 1T 4NYMOR3
The seer looked around the rest of the room and spotted what she was looking for. She walked over and pressed another button and opened a metal plating revealing a workspace and three more Rosebots all ready to go. Dirk really did care about his daughter after all, didn't want anything happening to the vestal before his plan was complete. Whatever it had been, it did not matter now.
Terezi walked over to the nearest one and calmly hit one yet another button next to the robotic figure. The lights of its eyes light up, awaiting for the brain signals for it to start moving. It would get them soon. She came back to the pod, addressing the unconscious Rose on the floor once again.
TEREZI: 4ND NOW TO FULF1LL MY 3ND OF TH3 D34L
TEREZI: "BUT YOU WON" 1 H34R YOU S4Y
TEREZI: OR WH4T YOU WOULD S4Y 1F YOU COULD T4LK R1GHT NOW L4LOND3
TEREZI: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO DO TH1S
TEREZI: BUT YOU S33, 1 D1D LOOS3 H3R3; TH3R3 W4S NO R34L W4Y OUT OF SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH1S
TEREZI: P3RH4P3S TH3R3 W4S 4 THOUGHS4ND OTH3RW4YS 1 COULD H4V3 DON3 1T
TEREZI: M4YB3 1 COULD H4V3 S4V3 JOHN 4NYW4Y
TEREZI: M4YB3 1 COULD H4V3 GOT VR1SK4 B4CK TOO
TEREZI: BUT 1 JUST...1 JUST C4NT S33 HOW
TEREZI: 1M GO1NG TO TRY W1TH H3R ON3 MOR3 T1M3
TEREZI: 1...1 N33D H3R YOU KNOW...SH3S TH3 ONLY P3RSON TH4T R34LLY...GOT 1T YOU KNOW?
TEREZI: 1T'S L1K3 K4N4Y4 FOR YOU 1 TH1NK
TEREZI: SOM3ON3 TH4T 1S SO SP3C14L TH4T YOU W1LL DO 4NYTH1NG FOR TH3M OR TO G3T TH3M B4CK
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH4T M4K3S M3 4 B4D P3RSON? OR M4YB3 JUST S3LF1SH
TEREZI: BUT 1 D1D 1T 4ND 1T W4S MY CHO1C3
She climbs into the pod and shuts the door behind her. There is a set of buttons inside the chamber for her too push. There is a gurgle as the water starts to fill up the tube. She puts on the abandoned breathing apparatus and starts to gulp down air, drifting off to where this reality cannot hurt her, she hopes.
The tank is once again full and the troll little by little, succumb to the wills of sleep once again. After a few moments of time, the activated Rosebot blinks its eyes. They dimmed and grew brighter a few times before becoming solid red. Not that it matters, at the one controlling the bot was going to use the sophisticated nose it had to see anyway.
ROSEBOT: W3LL TH3N
ROSEBOT: 1 N33D TO G3T TH1S SH1P TURN3D 4ROUND 4ND TH3N G3T ROS3 1N 4 PROP3R R3CUP3R4COON
ROSEBOT: TH4T FLOOR 1S NOT V3RY COMFORT4BL3
ROSEBOT: YOU N33D 4 P1L3 OF SC4L3M4T3S TO M4K3 TH3 B3ST OF 1T
Chapter 11: Candy for Terezi: Chapter 9-3: Davekat and Jade
In which Jade tells the boys about the meaning of living in a five dimensional universe. There is kissing involved. This chapter has kissing, not the five dimensional universe, though I guess a lot of that happens in there too...
In the spaceship that had been following the Prince's, a day or two after Dirk had been killed, Dave knew something was up. He had been on Dog watch, the duty of making sure that Jade was alright despite being possessed by...something and to keep them on the correct course for wherever the hell it was that his bro was going to. Dave wasn't all sure what his bro was hoping to accomplish by taking/kidnapping/bringing along Rose, John, and maybe Terezi. Knowing him as he did, it was probably some huge joke for some form of irony that Dave suspected was only on some theoretical scale thought up by the pure irony scholars plumbing the depths of how far you could plunge into the ironic satires. Or that Kanaya was right and he was just up to something nefarious. You could never tell with Dirk.
The thing that tipped him off was after two hours or so arguing with Karkat, who had decided to join him during his shift was that Jade woke up. It had been a jerk from Jade and her eyes, that had been entirely black, blinked and banished the dark slits and the startled look that flicked across her face as she almost caused herself to fall backwards onto the floor a few inches below her airborne rear. Dave flash stepped over to steady her before she got the chance.
DAVE: oh hey careful there harley
DAVE: you wouldnt want to knock yourself out just after you got back to the waking world after a few weeks worth of sleeping
DAVE: not that you haven't spent that amount of time sleeping in your normal life
DAVE: its actually not that long when you compare it to that time you got back from new malibu and you said you had been awake for like eight weeks straight partying and that you needed a quick nap only to be comatose for like a full month
DAVE: i have never seen you gone that long without sleeping before it was unnatural as hell
JADE: what are you even talking about???
KARKAT: OH DON'T MIND HIM.
KARKAT: HE IS JUST TRYING TO SAY THAT HE WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND THAT FLOATING SPOOKY POSSESSED SHIT WAS STARTING TO REALLY WEAR OUT ITS WELCOME.
DAVE: i wasnt worried
KARKAT: I'VE LOOKED OVER THE TIME SCHEDULE AND YOU HAVE PULLED MORE DOG SITTING HOURS THEN ALL THE REST OF US!!
DAVE: nah uh
DAVE: i do the same amount as you
DAVE: youre with me during every shift
DAVE: even when you just got off
KARKAT: YES BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS PULL THE SAME SHIT DURING MY SHIFT!!
KARKAT: WHY DO YOU INSIST ON BOTHERING ME WHEN I JUST WANT A NICE LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET WHEN I'M WATCHING THE SLEEPING DOG SHOW!!
DAVE: im there you dont do anything dirty to her while shes out
KARKAT: FUCK YOU!!
KARKAT: LIKE I WOULD DO ANYTHING WITH THE WAY SHE JUST OMINOUSLY LOOKS INTO YOUR SOUL WHILE YOU WISH THAT SHE WOULD JUST STOP LOOKING AT YOU FOR FIVE MINUETS AND GO BACK TO BEING THE NICE HAPPY HARLEY THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE.
DAVE: oh so you would do something if she wasnt possessed?
DAVE: real smooth dude
DAVE: i see the truth finally comes out of your secret desire to bang asleep chicks
DAVE: is that why you were peeping on jade all that time during the end of your session?
DAVE: she a secret fetish of yours?
DAVE: we got a really sleepy yiff here right now
DAVE: say your shit now while you got the chance
KARKAT: I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T FIND ANYTHING ATTRACTIVE ABOUT...!
JADE: will you two shut up and just kiss already??
JADE: hahaha!! nice to know that you two are doing ok!!!
Dave and Karkat were about an inch away from each other looking just about to throw down. Or at least, that's how it looked to Jade. But at the mention of kissing, both of the boy’s cheeks suddenly turned red and then they purposefully moved apart from each other. Unfortunately for them, Jade noticed.
JADE: waaaaiiiitttt.....did you two...?
DAVE: i have no idea what you are talking about
KARKAT: WHAT MY TOTALLY NOT AT ALL ATRACTIVE *BEST FRIEND* AND NOTHING ELSE SAID! WE DON'T HAVE ANY CLUE WHAT YOU ARE INSINUATING AND WE DEFINATLY DIDN'T DO IT!
JADE: wait, you guys finally...!!!
KARKAT: ABSOLUTLY NOT!!
DAVE: fuck no
KARKAT: WE DID NO SUCH THING!!
JADE: and i fucking missed it?!?!
DAVE: we did not do anything that involves lips saliva or tongues
DAVE: there was no funny business
DAVE: no hanky
DAVE: and sure as fuck no pankey of any kind!
Jade seemed to be looking right through the pair, if not for her still green eyes she might have been possessed again, instead her eyes grew huge and her mouth went open with the widest smile either of them had ever seen on the demidog and they had seen some big ones over the years. Her hands had gone into fists and were clutched to her cheeks, the overall effect was too cute for words.
JADE: oh em gee
JADE: you guys went...all the way?!?!
JADE: oh thank god!! i thought you two would never get a move on!!!
She threw her arms around them both pulling into a tight hug that both Dave and Karkat felt a bit flattened by the strength of their dog friend. Why that fuck were all the Harleyberts so damn strong?? What was their secret? Pulling out of the embrace, Jade looked both of them over and her smile fell a little bit, as if suddenly there was a doctor’s appointment she just remembered scheduling months ago only now to realize that it had been her birthday the whole time and no way to change it.
JADE: oh no!
JADE: guys, i just remembered
JADE: i think we are in trouble
DAVE: how in trouble we talking about here?
DAVE: like end of the world trouble
DAVE: end of the universe trouble
DAVE: end of all existence trouble
DAVE: or just personal trouble?
DAVE: there is a manner of scale to be recognized here
Jade sighed. Dave could be a pain in the ass when he was worried.
JADE: cosmically speaking?
JADE: its just personal trouble only pertinent to us on the ship
JADE: all though i suppose that end of the world could be applied to this too
DAVE: so thats good then
JADE: no! because it's the kind of trouble that we cant really do anything about!!
KARKAT: I FUCKING HATE THAT KIND.
KARKAT: I'VE HAD ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITH DEALING WITH IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL SLASH DEFEAT PROBLEMS LIKE JACK AND ENGLISH FOR A LIFE TIME!
KARKAT: SO WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?
KARKAT: JOHN HAS TURNED EVIL AND IS GOING TO PRANK US ALL TOO DEATH WITH A RUBBER CLUCKBEAST?
KARKAT: DIRK WENT OFF THE DEEP END AND NOW IS THE SECOND COMING OF OUR EXCELLENT HOST FIRST GUARDIAN OF ALTERNIA DOC SCRATCH??
JADE: NO! it isn't any of those things! that would actually get us out of our current trouble
KARKAT: HUH?? EXPLAIN HARLEY!
KARKAT: STOP BEING YOUR USUAL OLD CRYPTIC SELF AND JUST GIVE US AN ANSWER!
JADE: it's really hard to explain!
JADE: (oh geez!!)
JADE: um, alright imagine this
JADE: imagine that there is a timeline where a decision between two options occurs
DAVE: split timelines? i got you now
DAVE: so are we in a doomed timeline?
JADE: kind of??
JADE: it isn't really time travel though, it's more like a...
JADE: (shoot, like a what??)
JADE: ok for the sake of argument lets say that we exist in a universe made up of five dimensions
JADE: three of space and two of time
JADE: although that second time one is not really time but i cant think of another good word for it
DAVE: you lost me
DAVE: a universe just has one time dimension right?
DAVE: you travel through it at one second per second like everything ever has done
DAVE: except if you are awesome like me
DAVE: then you get to jump up and down the timeline like frogs over lily pads being all smug about being cool frogs that dont give a shit about things like buoyancy and weight distribution
DAVE: where the fuck do frogs get off by defying physics like that?
DAVE: who let them get off so easy?
KARKAT: I THINK YOUR AMPHIBIAN METAPHOR IS HOPPING AWAY FROM YOU, COULD YOU SHUT YOUR TOAD MOUTH AND LET JADE KEEP EXPLAINING?
DAVE: did you seriously just tell a frog joke?
KARKAT: I DO NOT MAKE JOKES ABOUT FROGS ANYMORE.
KARKAT: KANAYA AND JADE HAVE GIVEN ME A HEALTHY APPRECIATION FOR THE COLD BLOODED REPTILES.
DAVE: pretty sure most reptiles are cold blooded and im not sure if frogs even are reptiles
KARKAT: WHO FUCKING CARES IF THEY HAVE GREEN SLIME FOR THEIR AIR PUSHING FLUIDS THROUGH THEIR VEINS!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR PRESENT DISCUSSION YOU SHADE WEARING IMBECILE!
DAVE: you get so fucking cute when you get angry
KARKAT: STOP PETTING MY HEAD WHEN YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!
KARKAT: IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE ONE OF YOUR HUMAN HIVE MEOWBEASTS!
DAVE: haha fucking car-cat
DAVE: im going to call you that from now on
DAVE: that will be your official cute boyfriend nickname
KARKAT: IT SOUNDS THE EXACT FUCKING SAME!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU...!
Karkat broke off as he noticed Jade had leaned forward on her patch of air, with her hands under her chin and elbows on knees with her goofy grin back on her face. It took Karkat a few seconds to realize that he and Dave were again a few inches apart. He had somehow managed to entangle the front of Dave's shirt with his fists and was pulling him closer. Worse, Strider still had his hand on the trolls head, ruffling his hair softly. The little shit even had the patented one pixel Strider smile on his face, tipping off just how happy Dave was with this situation. Karkat went bright red and dropped the fabric and resisted the urge to smooth out the creases that he had left on the sweater. Smoke billowed out of his ears that had also gone red, gathering up in a cloud like a storm of shame threatening to burst.
JADE: aww! why didn't you go for it?
KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU FURRY FUCK I HAVE SOME DECENCY ABOUT MY PUBLIC APPEARANCE AND DON'T GO AROUND...!
Dave reached over and flicked him on his ear.
KARKAT: OW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR??!!
DAVE: i dont care how embarrassed you are
DAVE: dont be a complete ass karkat
KARKAT: WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT BEING A TOOL BY SHOWING OFF IN THE FACES OF EVERYONE ELSE!!
DAVE: well im a huge tool
DAVE: come here you
KARKAT: WAIT A FUCKING SECOND YOU..!*MMHHH*
Karkat, for once, was silenced by Dave smothering his mouth, with his mouth, very softly. Karkat flailed his arms around uselessly, trying to remove himself from the embrace but ran out of steam and just closed his eyes in defeat. They submerged with a loud over dramatic gasp from Karkat who didn't say anything. Dave smiled, a real smile this time, then his eyes went wide under his shades and he jerked back to look at Jae again, almost guiltily. Her mouth had gone from an 'o' (:o) to a downright beam, possibly even sly? Jade did have hidden depths to her.
DAVE: uh sorry about that
The quiet high pitched noise was jarring coming from the space player but then again she had waited for many years for these idiots to pucker up already. She was well due for some fangirling.
JADE: no need to apologize!!
JADE: oh god you two are so darn cute!!
KARKAT: YEAH, YEAH, WE ARE ADORABLE.
KARKAT: ARE WE DONE?? HAS THE DAVEKAT QUOTA BEEN FILLED?
Jade shakes her head. Getting the mental image of Dave and Karkat kissing was difficult however. One can almost imagine a large thought balloon with the two in it, both kissing, tears streaming down their faces. Only for Jade to wave her hands through it with a “get the fuck out!”
JADE: yes and yes!
JADE: the two time dimensions right!
JADE: back when we were playing the game there was something called the alpha timeline right?
DAVE: oh yeah that thing
DAVE: whatever happened to that?
DAVE: i thought it was a predetermined series of events that brought about lord english but i guess that didnt happen
JADE: i think it did! but we have left "canon" as it were and we are now only somewhat attached by those whims of fate
DAVE: well that makes one hundred percent sense and doesnt need to be explained at all
JADE: sorry! this is really hard!!!
DAVE: thats what she said
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU EMULATING ROXY NOW??
DAVE: im not
DAVE: im just being me
DAVE: and that was way too good of a setup to let slide by
JADE: if it makes you feel better karkat, that kiss you just had did make me pretty...!
KARKAT: JADE!! WHEN DID YOU GET SUCH A DIRTY MIND!!
KARKAT: YOU USED TO BE SO PURE AND INNOCENT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU??
JADE: mostly you fuckass
DAVE: i thought it was funny
DAVE: here high five
KARKAT: STOP THAT!!
JADE: ooh?? whats wrong karkat??
JADE: afraid that high fives will lead to *gasp* hand holding??
JADE: scandalous!! :o
JADE: you afraid im going to steal your man now that you guys got down and dirty? ;D
JADE: fine you angry red faced troll you!!
JADE: now with regular time if you have a decision thats important, one becomes doomed while the other keeps going being in the alpha timeline
JADE: but with us leaving canon thats not really a thing that can happen anymore!
DAVE: something stopped being a thing that happens?
DAVE: everyone hold the damn presses we have a paradox space first people
DAVE: things *STOP* happening
DAVE: the audience gasps at the novelty of the concept
JADE: then they lean in as i explain that something else happens now, at least in our universe
JADE: whereas before everyone in a doomed timeline was bound to die, we end up something a bit more confusion, namely we are being "forgotten"
DAVE: oh fuck
DAVE: that canon
DAVE: this has to do with all the canon bullshit rose keeps going on about isnt?
JADE: afraid so
DAVE: i hate canon so much
DAVE: why the hell are so many nuances to things that happened?
DAVE: either they did happen or the didnt its not that complicated
JADE: that's why we need *two* time dimensions instead of one!
JADE: here is an example for you, davesprite! you remember him right?
DAVE: must have forgotten about bird me as he just kind of vanished to go fight english like a fucking piece of garbage
DAVE: you know i was joking about forgetting orange me but is that close?
DAVE: was davesprite from some weird different doomed timeline or something?
JADE: no! it was still a doomed timeline he was in but i was more talking about the other stuff *from* his timeline!
DAVE: like what dreamrose?
DAVE: i thought she had "ceased to exist"
JADE: and what would you call something that is forgotten about like that almost entirely?
JADE: something that no longer matters to anyone in paradox space?
JADE: better example, you know what happened to all those versions of us that exist but never hear anything about them?
JADE: sorry to bring it up but you know those times where a doomed version of you happened into the alpha timeline?
DAVE: all too well
DAVE: i spend almost every day not thinking about that particular subject
JADE: i know it's awful but what happened to all of those others from their timelines?
JADE: all the mes, all the johns, and the roses
JADE: what happens to them after a dave gets killed?
JADE: karkat back me up here
KARKAT: WHAT? HOW??
JADE: your session! all those aradiabots had to come from somewhen!
JADE: wouldnt you imagine that there's a karkat for each one?
KARKAT: I FUCKING KNOW THERE IS!!
KARKAT: I'VE RUN INTO ENOUGH OF THOSE DOUCHE BAGS TO KNOW THEY EXIST!!
KARKAT: BUT THEY AREN'T ME! THEY DON'T MATTER!
KARKAT: WHO CARES ABOUT A BUNCH OF DEAD VERSIONS OF ME??
JADE: ah ha! would you say that they arent really "cannon"??
KARKAT: AGAIN NO, THEY HAPPENED.
KARKAT: EACH ONE REPRESENTS SOMEWHERE I FUCKED UP AND I'VE FUCKED UP ENOUGH THINGS IN MY LIFE TO BELIEVE THAT I COULD FUCK UP THAT MUCH!!
JADE: so they are a thing that is true and defiantly essential for your own journey through sburb but would you call them relevant?
KARKAT: FUCK NO!!
KARKAT: IF I NEVER SEE ANOTHER DEAD VERSION OF MYSELF OR MY FRIENDS I WILL BE THE PERFECT PICTURE OF A PIGBEAST IN A POOL OF MUD!
KARKAT: CONTENT FOREVER IN AN ABSOLUTE CLEAR MOMENT OF PURE BLISS!
JADE: there we go then! one of the missing pillars of canon
JADE: we then have to ask ourselves, when did that timeline happen then?
KARKAT: BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! ARADIABOTS CAME BACK TO MAKE SURE STUFF DIDN'T HAPPEN ALL THE DAMN GAME!
KARKAT: I SWEAR I SNEEZE ONCE AND ONE OF THEM OFFERED ME A HANDKERCHIEF SO THAT I COULD BLOW MY NOSE AT THE RIGHT TIME!
KARKAT: ALTHOUGH IT WAS WHEN ONE OF THEM WAS EXILING JACK SO MAYBE IT WAS JUST DISTRACTING ME.
JADE: so which is it karkat?
JADE: did the timeline happen or did it not happen?
KARKAT: IT...DID...WAIT....NO IT COULD.........UMM.......OK NO IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE ALPHA TIMELINE BECAUSE IT WASN'T "SUPPOSED" TO BUT IT *DID* HAPPEN IN SOME UNIMPORTANT OTHER TIMELINE THAT DOESN'T MATTER!
Karkat looked pleased with himself with the explanation and sat up a bit straighter in his chair.
JADE: now for the alpha timeline to exist as it does it depends on these other timelines, the not important ones
JADE: dave, could you travel to any of them?
DAVE: no i guess you couldnt
DAVE: because they didnt happen in the alpha timeline anymore
DAVE: but like why would you even want to?
DAVE: its will probably just be filled with dead versions of you and your friends anyway
JADE: but davesprite could get OUT of the timeline right?
JADE: only thanks to becoming a sprite did he survive
JADE: now when did that even happen?
DAVE: just after i got into the medium
JADE: this is where the two timelines or dimensions help here
JADE: we have the alpha timeline and now if we include stuff like doomed timelines that change the nature of the alpha timeline, what do we have?
Both Dave and Karkat were looking at Jade really hard now trying to wrap their heads around all the timelines and time travel that she was throwing at them. It was not working too well.
KARKAT: YOU GET A BUNCH OF DOOMED TIMELINE??
KARKAT: SORRY JADE BUT I JUST DON'T SEE WHAT YOU’RE DRIVING AT HERE THAT I REGRET GETTING INTO THIS FOUR WHEELED DEVICE YOU HAVE BEEN DRIVING ME IN.
JADE: all the doomed timelines that effect the alpha timeline, and all the ones we don't see, plus all the ones that john made with those recon abilities, make up this one larger timeline we are discussing!
JADE: a narrative of events that tell a grander story about how we made the universe and all the struggles that came with it!!
JADE: a chronological clusterfuck of time and space that culminates into one being or in other words: canon!!!
JADE: everything and everything that has happened to us or some version of us that is important to us on some cosmic level that may shine light on what it even means to be the person you are!
DAVE: dammit i actually understood that
DAVE: please dont tell rose i get some of that now
DAVE: if she knows i can comprehend even a fraction of this canon stuff she will talk me ear off about it
JADE: wont she do that anyway?
DAVE: yeah but now ill learn something from all her yapping and i dont want to know anything more about canon than i have too
DAVE: its going to be like her tentacle rape monsters all over again
DAVE: the longer you stare into canon the more it looks back at you and then you begin to spout on about end game ships and character arcs and themes about your friends lives
DAVE: not to mention character analysis
DAVE: what kind of person just says to you "Dave, your suffering is like that of the fabled gilgamesh and how he saved his brother at the end of the story instead of brutally killing him"
DAVE: i may be paraphrasing
JADE: im i speaking in the language of the horrorterrors??
JADE: will i soon go under and be a grimbark vessel under their tentacle guise?
KARKAT: GOD I HOPE NOT!
KARKAT: YOU WERE FUCKING TERRIFYING!
JADE: hey karkat
Karkat jumped back eyes wide with terror. In his fear he toppled over the chair he had been sitting on and fell flat on his back. All the while letting off a string of colorful profanities about genitalia and other such wonderful topics.
Both Jade and Dave laughed. Jade openly guffawing with a shit eating grin, Dave behind a raised hand trying to stifle the gales of laughter that threatened to be unleashed. Karkat spent several more seconds trying to get up from the floor and the chair he was tangled in before giving up and simply crossing his arms and glaring up at the ceiling.
KARKAT: WOULD ONE OF YOU BE KIND ENOUGH TO GET MY ASS UP FROM THE STOMPING AREA KNOWN AS THE FLOOR?
KARKAT: I SEEM TO HAVE BEEN OVERCOMING WITH FEELINGS OF NOT WANTING TO BE SEPARATED FROM IT ON THE ACCOUNT OF THIS CHAIR PRESSING ITS UNWANTED SELF ON MY PERSON.
DAVE: here dude
Dave and Jade lifted Karkat up with his chair and set him back down gently into it. Both of them ruffled the grumpy troll’s hair in a fond way. Karkat wasn't exactly pacified but he did look a bit less peeved.
DAVE: you cool?
KARKAT: I'M THE PICTURE OF YOUR HUMAN FOOD SUBSTANCES KNOW AS A CUCUMBER.
KARKAT: BY THE WAY JADE, I HAD A THOUGHT WHILE MY PROSTATE BODY WAS ON THE GROUND.
KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT CANON NOW ANYWAY?
JADE: the other calliope told me
Jade's smile had dropped again as well as her hand on Karkat's head. That dropped down into her lap and then over into Dave and Karkat's hands where she squeezed their hands with hers. This tender display, while usual for Jade, was still at odds with her voice. The normal cheery tones of the Witch of Space had been replaced by someone who had to announce that a loved one had just died and the time and date of the funeral was going to be mentioned. This more than anything made the boys pay attention.
JADE: before she left my head, she told me a lot of things about canon and what it meant and that she was going to be a guardian of sorts about things that did and did not matter and that she was after the prince because he was interfering with "the story" or violating choice or something like that
DAVE: the prince?
DAVE: ya mean dirk?
DAVE: whats my bro got to do with all this canon nonsense?
DAVE: i know he and rose were always going on about it but i didnt think that was the cause of this whole trip and for him to possibly gone off the deep end into the distilled irony
JADE: hes become something of a keystone in our journey through the..."narrative"??
JADE: sorry guys, this is confusing for me too!
JADE: the bad part it that...i dont think we will see john again
She started to cry then, only now starting to understand the implications of a non-essential timeline could all entail for them.
KARKAT: WHOA! WHOA!
KARKAT: BACK THE FUCK UP!!
KARKAT: WHY WON'T WE BE SEEING JOHN AGAIN?!?
JADE: because it isn't "important" for the story that we get to see john again!
JADE: in fact, we aren't important either!
JADE: were just useless pawns now, cut off from the rest of the game!
JADE: unable to advance the story, but unable to go back through it and change it either!
DAVE: then what happens to us?
Jade threw up her hands in exasperation.
JADE: nothing! not a single thing it going to happen!!
JADE: i guess we can go back to earth and try to move on with our lives i suppose?
JADE: we will just not matter anymore!
JADE: oh! and all our names are going to be in parenthesis though
JADE: i didnt get why that is though
DAVE: man i am not changing my name to (dave)
DAVE: how do you even pronounce that?
DAVE: do you whisper it to distinguish if from plain dave?
DAVE: or do you have to say the word "parenthesis" out loud?
DAVE: hey parenthesis karkat how is the weather today i hear were going to get a ton of parenthesis rain today
DAVE: you know
DAVE: rain that just doesnt fucking matter anymore
DAVE: with high temperatures of parenthesis hot because we can no longer give a shit about how damn warm it is but believe me if it isnt a scorcher today
DAVE: can you do that with days you dont like?
DAVE: im hereby declaring that mondays will now be known as (mondays)
DAVE: im a fucking meta-narrative legend now
DAVE: i just declared mondays non-canon
KARKAT: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
DAVE: banishing mondays to the shadow canon zone
DAVE: you dont die there
DAVE: you just dont matter anymore
KARKAT: I DON'T THINK EVEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ANY MORE!
KARKAT: DAVE HAS FINALLY GONE AROUND THE BEND AND LOST HIS FEW REMAINING NOGGIN SPHERES!!
KARKAT: AND SOME KIDS HAVE FOUND THEM AND ARE PLAYING A QUIET GAME OF CIRCLE SHOOTOUT WITH THEM, THEN TAKING THEM HOME AND PUTING THEM WITH THE REST OF THEIR COLLECTION. WHERE THEY LOOK ON ADMIRINGLY, THANKFUL THAT THEY STILL HAVE SOME AMOUNT OF COMMON SENSE LEFT!
JADE: i think that metaphor got away from you there
DAVE: how the hell do you even play marbles?
DAVE: does anyone actually know or do old people just make up the rules for it just to fuck with young kids?
DAVE: because thats what i would do
DAVE: now you little snot nose brat need to scotch hop through the marble center while standing on one foot and then thwack the other kid standing over there with your jump rope while whistling the theme from the flintstones or some other relevant old timey program that no one gives a shit about anymore
KARKAT: THAT SUSPICIOUSLY MATCHES WITH ONE OF THE TRIALS THAT USED TO BE HELD IN THE OLD BREEDING CAVERNS. BUT WITH WEAPONS AND FIRE.
JADE: to derail the discussion i think we need to go and speak to our calliope
JADE: it could be that im wrong and john will be fine!
Jade got up from her patch of air and held out her hands too Dave and Karkat, who stared at her open palms as if they had been dipped in animal blood. Jade wondered what on earth they were getting grossed out by before the penny dropped.
JADE: oh come on you big weenies!
JADE: im not going to hold your hands the whole way! im just helping you up
KARKAT: WELL IT SEEMS OBVIOUS NOW!
They both took her hands and got up from their seats. Jade didn't let go of their hands.
KARKAT: YOU CAN LET GO NOW HARLEY.
JADE: yeah but now that you got me thinking about it
JADE: it would be a cute thing to do!!!
DAVE: just let go jade please?
Jade pulled both of them closer to her, pecking them both quick on the cheek before leading them out of the room.
JADE: sooooo what did you talk about when you pervs were watching me be possessed?
DAVE: bullshit mostly
KARKAT: THAT IS ALL WE EVER TALK ABOUT!!
DAVE: i will have you know that the integral obama lore is nowhere as bullshit as you think it is
JADE: oh right! how did the presidential run go??
KARKAT: WE LOST PRETTY BADLY TO JAKE'S ASS.
JADE: oh wow! surprise third candidate: jakes ass!
JADE: a vote for it is a vote for all the ass lovers out there!
JADE: we should have run on the karkat boob platform that would have been a guaranteed victory
KARKAT: I DO NOT POSSESS ANY RUMBLE SPHERES OF ANY KIND! HOW WOULD HAVE HELPED OUT MISERABLE POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS??
JADE: it was a joke, dingus
DAVE: hey we got some pretty rad character development out of it
JADE: right!! you two hooked up!!
JADE: soooooo what you guys talk abooooouuuuut??
KARKAT: JUST THE SAME OLD BULLSHIT LIKE WE ALWAYS DO!!
KARKAT: I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT WE CHANGED TOPICS JUST BECAUSE WE...
DAVE: dude you can say dating
JADE: maybe since the other calliope was watching ill start to remember some of them!
KARKAT: OH GOD PLEASE NO!!
KARKAT: THEY WERE KIND OF EMBARRASSING.
JADE: i lived with you two for how many years now?
JADE: what would you have said that wasnt already totally embarrassing??
JADE: were you two doing some more kisssssinggg???
JADE: or maybe even...some....???
JADE: what?? no way
JADE: while she was watching??
JADE: that isn't like you guys at all!
DAVE: we did turn her around a few times so that she wasnt staring directly at us
DAVE: maybe youll remember all the sounds of us going at it with your disembodied corpse nearby
DAVE: is that what you wanted to hear?
KARKAT: WE ONLY MOVER HER BECAUSE YOU KEPT SAYING THAT...!
Their words faded away as they went further into the ship. Behind them, the room that remained without description lay silent, its job having been a backdrop for the scene now completed. It began to melt away into a wall of white, all truth, relevance, and essential qualities gone from that place.
Whelp, this fan fic have davekat in it now. I'm so sorry everyone!!
This chapter was nowhere near the length it is but of course Dave and Karkat just fucking love their tangents, so they get them. I finally understand the appeal of writing them though. You get to write an argument between Dave and Karkat about anything and then get to call it Romance no matter what the subject is or badly they talk to each other. It's fucking brilliant in a way, free romance for half the work.
I think this chapter has also taught me that I should add tags as I go instead of throwing them all up before I even write them. I think I will remove a ton of them to my Candy side of the Afterwords and then update them normally. (Also joke tags are fuuuuuunn!)
Edit: I can't throw out the tags for the afterwords...i just can't do it. I'll leave them up and just add to the other side when I get to it.
Spoiler for the next chapter: It's going to be about Kanaya. I tell you this because it is 90% written at the time of this note, but NOT typed up. I say this because I finally just numbered all the pages I had written out by hand and as of now, it is 132 pages of lined paper. Mind you that is 8 short of filling an entire 70 page lined notebook but DAMN!!!! wtf!! That's not including sections I straight typed or changed from the og text.
You know I only wanted this to be a ten chapter fic?? Yes and now there is going to be four more until we get onto the "main story"!! I can't find a way to change the Chapter numbers, but if I had my way these last few chapters would be titled Chapter 9-1, 9-2, 9-3 respectively. That's just the homestuck experience isn't it? You think it's going to be a certain length but there is always more to go then you expect.
This has been really fun to write! Thank you everyone that enjoyed reading it. I hope we all will find out what happens next! I'm in it for the ride just as much as you guys are! I just get to read it first!! HAHAHAHA!!! see you soon!
Chapter 12: Candy for Terezi: Chapter 9-4: Space in the Absence of Light
Kanaya becomes a bloody alcoholic.
We interrupt you're irregularly scheduled Terezi lesbian/John angst to bring you Kanya lesbian angst.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Begin Kanya Intermission
Kanaya was on lookout duty, sitting in what was considered to be the bridge, scanning the equipment and then the window screens in search for the ship they were pursuing. Kanaya hadn't slept much during their journey, then again, she didn't need all that much sleep since becoming a rainbow drinker. She had already slept at weird hours being up for most of the day on Alternia and when she had started living with Rose, her matesprit had a tendency to work and read long into the night. What had been aggravating about this is that she insisted on being awake during the morning with her too.
KANAYA: You Need Sleep Dear
Kanaya remembered her telling Rose that one evening as they were both under a blanket, drinking tea, and reading a very raunchy novel that had been full of gay wizards and enough fancy words that the author might have swallowed a thesaurus and regurgitated the contents back out onto the pages when they were writing it. Needless to say, both woman were thoroughly enjoying the book and each other’s company. Rose had smiled and patted her matesprit lightly on the arm. She had been sitting on her lap so that Kanaya could read over her shoulder and provide color commentary on the descriptions of the 'members' of the said homosexual spell slingers.
ROSE: I'll sleep when my current project is complete
KANAYA: And When Will That Be
Rose sighed and shifted herself to snuggle closer to her Kanaya.
ROSE: A few more weeks. A month at most.
KANAYA: Rose You Can Not Just Decide Not To Sleep For Weeks On End
Rose gave a smile that Kanaya was pretty sure was identical to the one Roxy wore when she was about to make a lewd joke. Kanaya's heart had speed up, it always did when Rose made that face. Or any face when she looked at her.
ROSE: Well, I guess I had better find a way to stay awake then.
ROSE: Would you help me with that?
Rose's hand had curled around the back of Kanaya's and had been guiding her to the hem of the light players pants and then beyond. Kanaya was about to speak when Rose tilted her head back and kissed her, the book dropping to the floor where on the pages, one of the wizard’s pants had done likewise. Rose’s hand went up to Kanaya's face and caressed it gently. They broke apart with only a small intake of breath from the both of them. Rose moved her head so that her neck was directly in front of her wife’s nose. Kanaya could see her blood moving through her veins, just under her soft beautiful skin. Kanaya gulped as Rose crooned to her.
ROSE: Go on.
ROSE: That is sure to keep me awake.
ROSE: What's the matter?
ROSE: It's not like you to turn down a good suck.
ROSE: You'd prefer I do you instead?
ROSE: You awake there Kanaya?
ROSE: r u awake?
ROXY: u ok there??
Kanaya jerked awake from the dream. She couldn't recall if it had been entirely fabricated or a memory that had gotten a bit put through the wringer of dirty thoughts and lonely nights. Her brain caught up to her and remembered that no, her wife could just be like that most of the time and that had happened just as she had dreamed it. God she wanted her back so damn much!!
ROXY: hey! you with us kk?
Kanaya finally registered that there was someone talking to her. It took a few more seconds for the blue apparition in sunglasses to start to look familiar. She blinked a few more times trying to think of a reason that Dave would be wearing Roxy's god tier outfit before remembering recent events.
KANAYA: Oh Yes
KANAYA: Yes I Am Roxy I Apologize
KANAYA: I did Not Mean To Doze Off On Monitoring Duty
ROXY: chill kk, relax
ROXY: u've been overdoing it a bit for awhile
ROXY: i know u pick this job so's you's get to be the first one to lay peepers on the wayward vessel aboard which is your lovely bride
ROXY: but we are still a few days out from them, it will be a bit
ROXY: if ya need sleep we'll be happy to take over for your weary soul to get some forty or fifty winks
Kanaya looked around blankly and spotted Calliope just to her right whereas Roxy had been on her left. The cherub gave a small wave, the ring on their finger glinting in the artificial light.
CALLIOPE: good morning kanaya! ^u^
CALLIOPE: sorry to wake yoU, yoU did seem to be having sUch a wonderfUl dream, bUt we don't want a repeat of yoUr last voyage and rUn into troUble Unawares.
CALLIOPE: yoUr own insistence on the practice i might add.
CALLIOPE: if i may pry, what did the dip into the Unconscious bring aboUt for yoU?
KANAYA: Oh The Usual
KANAYA: Just Fond Memories
Kanaya's face turned green as the memory of the dream caused her to blush. How on Earth C did her wife turn her on even when she wasn't here right now? Then the deep sadness came as she wondered if her darling Rose would ever talk like that to her again. Her voice, her movement, her smell, the way she had tasted, these and other little touches that made up Rose Lalonde filled her mind and left a tinkling note that made the Space player feel more empty then the all the space that travel across the windows only marked by distant stars. Her eyes stung as the tears began to fall. She snatched at a handkerchief that she kept in her front pocket and dabbed at her eye's trying to hind behind the cloth from her two visitors.
KANAYA: Yes It
KANAYA: It Was About Her And
KANAYA: I Just Want To Know If She Is Even Still Alive Or If Dirk Did Something To Her
KANAYA: Miss Her Quite A Lot
These were words that did not convey the entirety of Kanaya's sentiment that she wished she could express. It was have been so inaccurate as to be borderline on downright lies as Kanaya Maryam Was Indeed Quite Upset As All Hell About Her Missing Wife And If Someone Was Going To Keep Her From Her He Would Soon Find Himself Looking At The Souls Of His Own Shoes Because His Damn Legs Would Be Sawed Off
Kanaya breathed a bit deeper at the thought, putting away the cloth as she did. She knew anger would only take a person so far but it calmed her down for now and allowed her to think straight. If was fine. Rose would be fine. Dirk was her father whatever the hell that meant. He would not kill her. He would not harm her. And So Help Him God If He Had Then She Would Take Out His Spine And Feed It To His Still Alive Severed Head Because Killing Him Once Would Not Be Just Enough!
ROXY: kanaya, chill plz.
KANAYA: *Is Chill*
ROXY: callie, could you keep kk here company?
CALLIOPE: of coUrse!
Calliope held out a hand and Kanaya took it gratefully. They left the control room with Roxy calling out:
ROXY: dont be strangers now!
ROXY: you come back when you feeling a bit better ya here??
KANAYA: Yes Roxy I Hear You
ROXY: u 2 callie! it gets hella lonesome up here
CALLIOPE: see yoU soon Roxy!
The two space players walked hand in hand in silence for a long time. Neither saying anything but just knowing that the other was there brought them some relief. Kanaya broke the silence first, a question that had plagued her for months finally presented an opportune moment for asking.
KANAYA: Tell Me Calliope
KANAYA: How Are Things Between You And Roxy
CALLIOPE: things are jUst fine! he is an amazing person yoU know!
CALLIOPE: the best friend i've ever had in my life! ^u^
KANAYA: I Was Speaking Romantically
CALLIOPE: oh no! it's nothing like that!
CALLIOPE: we are jUst two of the finest chUms around you coUld say!
CALLIOPE: jUst former gal's being pals as the saying goes!
Kanaya looked at them with such an incredulous look that Calliope felt themselves blushing but they couldn't pinpoint the reason for their embarrassment.
KANAYA: I See
KANAYA: Would Roxy Describe Your Relationship The Same Way
CALLIOPE: oh yes! in fact those were the exact words to me that he Used to talk aboUt Us!
CALLIOPE: he was really excited when he said it too!
Kanaya send her palm faceward and hung her head in despair
CALLIOPE: what is it love? is there something the matter??
KANAYA: I Am Just Contemplating The Nature Of Sentient Species And Their Infinite Number Of Ways That One Can Delude Themselves
CALLIOPE: oh qUite a lot! ^u^
CALLIOPE: i believe that dave and karkat were Under a very many layers of deception with their feeling to one another bUt have recently sorted it oUt!
KANAYA: While I Am Happy For Them I Was Alluding To Yourself With My Pervious Statement
KANAYA: Im Sorry I Thought That Was Obvious
CALLIOPE: what feelings woUld i be lying to myself aboUt??
KANAYA: I Hate To Be So Blunt About This But Since No Other Course Of Action Would Bring You Privy To This Fact I Will Have To State It As Simply As Possible
KANAYA: Roxy Loves You
CALLIOPE: oh i know! he tells me that every day!
CALLIOPE: even before we started playing sbUrb he woUld slip it in to oUr conversations!!
CALLIOPE: i do so love all my friends!
CALLIOPE: i'm so happy he feels the same way.
Kanaya had her mouth open and was staring at the happy cherub, who continued to say things that anyone with a brain could see that were not true. Even though she knew in her heart that she had lost this battle, Kanaya felt that she had to try one more time. She liked Roxy a lot and someone needed to tell his girlish friend that they were dating in a romantic capacity. No matter how much the cherub insisted that they were sitting happy in the moirail zone.
KANAYA: I Believe You Know At Least A Little About Human Courtship To Be Cursory Aware Of Some Of The Steps On The Way To The Alter
CALLIOPE: oh yoU mean the silly thing aboUt the ring that he gave me!
CALLIOPE: trUe, he did say to me in private one day that he had made a promise that he woUld marry the person he gave the ring too.
CALLIOPE: oh ho! bUt i know that john had said something of the same kind and i know that the ring of life does have a little something special aboUt it that brings a toUch of love in the air!
CALLIOPE: bUt i'm sUre that roxy woUld have given it to john had he needed it!
KANAYA: The Way He Kisses You Sometimes
KANAYA: He Does That In Public Often With You
Calliope smile widened and their eyes rolled back, thinking of a memory. Their face blushed but not with that of romance but of one who just had been complimented by a companion.
CALLIOPE: oh yes! quite the rogUe our roxy is!
CALLIOPE: he woUld tell all the pUblic aboUt "his Undying and Unending love to the best person in the whole world and no one coUld ever ask for anyone better!"
Kanaya did not breathe.
CALLIOPE: i sUppose that does make Us something special.
The muse mused over their previous statements and Kanaya dared to hope.
CALLIOPE: i gUess that make roxy and i, *best friends*!
CALLIOPE: or maybe *besties* as roxy says!
CALLIOPE: i think that is a cUte term for Us,
CALLIOPE: besties. ^u^
Kanaya gave up. She marched to a particular section of the ship that had once been a liquor cabinet. But after Roxy had dumped the lot in spite of Jake's protests about the vintages of certain wines was now called The Blood Bank. Or that was the nickname Roxy had given the place after Kanaya had stoked it full of the stuff. Kanaya pulled opened the large sliding door and withdrew two burgundies, a fuchsia, and three teal’s before slamming the door back. Calliope came up behind her, eyes even larger in their skull like sockets.
CALLIOPE: i thoUght roxy said that yoU shoUld lay off the blood for a little while!
Kanaya had not been fond of Roses consumption of human slooper products back on the meteor. Vriska had been a bit more forceful about keeping her off the booze and it had inspired Kanaya to imitate her and pitch the contents of whatever alcoholic beverage Rose had in her possession on to the ground. It had annoyed drunk Rose to no end but Sober Rose had kissed her every time it happened. Kanaya was always startled by the quiet "Thank you." she gave with tears threatening to fall from her purple irises.
With her absence, the rainbow drinker was beginning to see the appeal of drinking in excess. It caused the brain to shut down and for a while, she could forget that there was currently no one beside her when she went to bed every night. Kanaya pulled one of the stoppers out with her teeth and spat it out on the metallic floor. She threw back one of the teal's tasting the bluish contents and hoping that it would help her clear her mind of Rose and ignorant Calliope. She got to the bottom in one go and took a long deep breath afterword, whipping the blood off on the back of her hand and then licking that off too. There was a little relief, but for the clarity she wanted she would have to drink from Terezi again. The Seer of Mind’s blood had worked wonders on that occasion and had heightened her senses on where she need to be and what she needed to do. But alas this was not Pyrope a la carte but merely from some troll that had donated some of their lifeblood to do a good turn for some sick teal-blooded troll out there who had lost one pint too many. Trolls had a lot of blood but not infinite.
And in a manner of speaking that Good Samaritan had been right. The blood flowed down into Kanaya's system, changing the contents into some needed nutrients and some of the right neutrons fired in her brains because she did not reach for any of the other vials. Instead she simply put them in various pockets on her person and like the tidy troll she was, put the empty tube in the little shoot where it zipped off to another part of the ship. Probably to be alchemized with some more blood and then placed back into the bank from whence it came. Say what you wanted about Jake English but he did not skimp when it came to the issues of comfort and convenience. Kanaya also took the time to bend down and pick up the cork she spat out and drop it in a nearby bin. She stood up a little straighter and calmly reached out her hand for Calliope's which the cherub too with relief.
KANAYA: I Believe That She Said To Not Drink To Excess
KANAYA: I Do Still Require Some For Sustenance
CALLIOPE: yoU’re with Us at meal times and yoU pUt it away jUst as mUch as the rest of Us do!
CALLIOPE: ~don't tell me that yoU mUst consUme the blood of morals or yoU shall cease to exist on this mortal plain!~
KANAYA: No Darling Calliope I Do Not Need It
KANAYA: I Can Quit Anytime I Liked
KANAYA: I Could Live Off Of Nothing But Normal Cooking For The Rest Of My Immortal Life
KANAYA: But I Do Get Urges Every Now And Then
KANAYA: Plus There Is The Side Benefits
CALLIOPE: yes! the legendary powers of the rainbow drinker!
CALLIOPE: kanaya, woUld i be bothering yoU if i asked some qUestions about yoUr experiences with being a rainbow drinker??
CALLIOPE: many of the soUrces i consUlted were rather lacking details.
KANAYA: Later Calliope
She laughed, enthralled by Calliope's enthusiasm for the subject. It remained her of Rose and her endless thirst for knowledge. Rose and her obscuring that knowledge with the damn devils drink. Rose getting sicker and her degrading health. She had been working on a project that Kanaya had known nothing about. Unwilling or unable to go asleep. Doctors prescribing pills. Rose taking narcotic’s by the handful. Rose knowing about how people saw things.
Had she...faked it all too get at those drugs? Had she lied about all of that just to feed her addiction? To stop Kanaya from slapping away those too?? Had this been all her fault??? Kanaya pulled a cork of one of a burgundy and was preparing to swig it back just as she had the previous one, when a hand gently pushed down on the container forcing the sylph to break lip contact with the liquid. She glanced over at Calliope, the cherub had a determined look in their eyes that Kanaya had not seen on them before.
The gesture caused her a bit of déjà vu as it reminded her of one particular time where she had relived Rose of her human slooper during a party. Rose held two glasses full to the brim and was sloping them as she walked. Her cheeks were tinted pink and her eyes still sparkled in that way that still had her facilities intact and not dulled by one too many shots.
Kanaya had snatched the drinks and tossed them down some nearby stairs. Instead of shattering on impact, the glasses spun and spilt their contents all over the crowd below. They hit every step on the way down, making chimes like a church bells in the dead of night. Before finally shattering on the very last step, spaying the closest party goers with shards of glass along with the rain of booze from above. There was mass chaos as some of the patrons tried to avoid the spray of alcohol only to be hit by the glass, while others tried to get under the drink and catch some. It was a very chaotic seen.
Kanaya had her hands over her mouth and her eyes were as wide as the damage she had caused, widespread. She was so embarrassed that she vowed to leave the festivities right there and then. But Rose laughed at the mess with such gusto that the rainbow drinker had stared dumbfounded at her. Rose grabbed Kanaya around the waist and spun her around, somehow moving her so that she performed a little pirouette.
ROSE: Oh thank you Kanaya! For keeping me one the straight and narrow.
ROSE: But not too straight of course!
ROSE: What on Earth did I do to deserve you?
Rose pulled her wife in close, catching her hips and then lacing their fingers together as she led them around an imaginary dance floor. There had been a band that had stopped playing when the commotion occurred but now picked up again with a waltz. Kanaya tried to follow Rose but she looked as though she didn't know what she was doing either as there was a lot of missteps and jerking her around that seemed to be counter to what was the most comfortable things to do. Then Rose stepped off the balcony, pulling Kanaya along as she did.
The light player was standing on midair, shoes placed down exactly as she if she were standing on solid ground. She was holding Kanaya up, keeping her close as she slowly twirled Kanaya through the air, holding her up by the waist so that she didn't fall. Kanaya breathed heavily as Rose pulled her close, her breath met the colder air up here and fogged up. Kanaya breathed in the cloud coming off of Rose. It smelled of oranges, lye, and booze. It smelt like her from that time she had known from their sweep together aboard the meteor.
ROSE: Why aren't you flying Kanaya?
The light player asked her matesprit. She threw her into the air as she did making Kanaya gasp. She thought that her fall would last all the way to the ground but it was only a second before she was safely caught by Rose again.
ROSE: Where are you legendary vampire abilities?
KANAYA: Not Existent As I Am Not A Vampire
ROSE: Oh sure, rainbow drinker then.
ROSE: I assume they are not known for their flight capabilities.
KANAYA: Not That I Know Of
KANAYA: There Are No Legends About Any Flying Rainbow Drinkers
KANAYA: I Wish There Was Right About Now
Rose pulled her closer, supporting her so it felt more that Kanaya was turning with her instead of holding on for dear unlife. They drifted further away from the party, the sounds of the band that Roses feet had pretended to move too, were slowly being drowned out by the soft breeze that blew around them. Rose nuzzled Kanaya's neck and playfully nipped at it. Not to draw blood as the only time Rose had attempted that feat had led to several hours over a toilet bowl evacuating all the green liquid from her body with Kanaya there making sure her hair stayed out of it. But she did so to show how much she wished that she could take her blood and turn it into her life source. To feed off of each other, two lives becoming one. That was a really fucking hot for Kanaya.
ROSE: We should alchemize you some rocket shoes.
She said into Kanaya's neck, rubbing herself against the troll.
ROSE: Then we could dance among the stars together.
Kanaya had heard Rose say many a pretty phrase before, had read everything that Rose had ever written in this timeline or otherwise, and had even had long debates with her just to hear her talk about anything at all. Her words were like her own personal addiction for the rainbow drinker and there was no remedy for it, only to continue to hear her wife talk even more. Surrounded in a never ending cycle of syllables. It was wonderful being in the center of all her words. Despite all that, this phrase still left an impression on Kanaya.
KANAYA: I May Not Understand Everything About Human Sexuality And Why Some Things Get Connected With Those Gender Orientations
KANAYA: But I Can Say With No Human Sarcasm Whatsoever
KANAYA: That Was The Gayest Thing You Have Ever Said
Rose kissed her, the moonlight mixed in with Kanaya's reflective skin. Kanaya was equally dazed as she pulled back from her and looked into her warm violet eyes and thought she blended so well with the heavenly body behind her. Both felt like they had kissed the face of the moon, and by goodness wouldn't you know it? The moon was, in fact, very gay.
ROSE: What if I told you my feelings for you eclipsed how I feel about wizards, books, and the color purple?
KANAYA: That Would Be The Second Gayest
KANAYA: But Only Because I Know How Much You Really Love That Color
ROSE: I've found that green as gone up the list of appreciated hues.
ROSE: Maybe I'll see some more of it tonight from this sexy goddess that I have hanging on my shoulder. She's bound to find something embarrassing in my words tonight.
Rose threw into the air once more, but this time, Kanaya was ready for it. She let her matesprit catch by the waist and then laid a hand on her shoulder, smiling as she did for such a smooth maneuver. What she didn't expect was the dip that came afterword causing a slight squeak from the troll as Rose held her by the small of her back and the crook of one leg. Kanaya held on with her hands on one shoulder and the other on Rose's waist. Their faces were inches apart, eyes, mouth possibly closer. The kiss went on longer than Kanaya thought should be possible. It was full of tongue and brimming with fear and the thrill of being still alive. That fear lingered, that if she wasn't careful Rose would drop her. But she did not. The fall never came and the kiss ended. The two fit perfectly in the light of the crescent moon. Rose in the reflected sunlight of the moons rays, Kanaya in the shadow caused by the quirks of space. The light and the space player breathed each other in.
So beautiful they the few whiteness that saw the pair, took to poetry and storytelling. Thus creating an Earth C fable on why the moon seemed to dance in the heavens. First becoming bright and then dark again. It said that the two lovers caused the very heavens to move with them with joy.
ROSE: Did that excite you?
KANAYA: My Heart I Pounding So Hard That It Will Burst Out Of My Chest If We Do Not Touch Down Soon
Rose pulled her out of the dip and held her in close once again. She no longer danced but simply squeezed her tight as they drifted down to the ground.
ROSE: I loved what you did for me Kanaya.
It was a small whisper barely heard above the wind whipping by as they descended.
ROSE: They was an attendant going around with drinks. They put one in my hand before I could say no.
ROSE: I wanted to put it down so badly! I was so relieved when I heard the clink of the glass on the table. I thought that I thought I had had done it.
ROSE: Then I realized the damn thing was already empty.
KANAYA: You Do Not Have To Apologize To Me Rose
ROSE: Yes I do.
There was moister in those purple eyes. Kanaya felt her grip tighter and Rose pressing full against her body. She could feel her every breath she took, every tiny shake she tried to hide, her sweet sweat in her hair, her breasts squeezing against hers, her hard nipples telling her that she was turned on as an electric light show on twelfth perigee eve, her tears falling on her chest as Rose sobbed into her shoulder. Kanaya felt the gentle press of the grass under her shoes, telling her they were finally back on planet earth.
ROSE: I don't want anything bad to happen to you Kanaya.
ROSE: I don't want you to die and disappear from my life forever!
ROSE: I want to be the best version of myself for YOU!!
ROSE: I-I-I don't want to fuck up again and loose someone I care about!
ROSE: I don't want you to leave because I couldn't keep my shit together.
ROSE: That I did something so horrible to you that you would believe that I stopped caring about you!!
ROSE: I would be...so lost without...oh god...Kanaya!!
KANAYA: There There
Kanaya was crying herself now, her own fears voiced allowed by Rose, the most amazing woman in paradox space as far as Kanaya knew or cared.
ROSE: (I don't deserve you.)
Rose had whispered it as though she was revealing the secrets of life. As though by speaking the cursed words aloud made it true.
ROSE: (I don't deserve all the happiness I've gotten.)
ROSE: (My life has been so much the better for you! I-I-I can't express all of my gratitude and lo-lo-lo...)
She choked on the last words, it being a word to hard and complicated to express with a single syllable phrase. But too easily bandied about by others who thought nothing of it. Despite that, Rose did something that a doomed dying Rose had regretted never doing. Something that she had been too much of a chicken shit not to say. Thinking that maybe it was beneath her or tied up in those awful fairy tales that reflected so much of her land. But even so, Rose Lalonde said the words.
ROSE: (love for you.)
ROSE: (I love you.)
ROSE: (I love you to pieces Kanaya oh god.)
ROSE: (I don't have any words left to give you but those.)
ROSE: (There are the last of my storm of syllables can dish out.)
ROSE: (You have conquered all of my words, heart, and mind. I can't think of another thing to say.)
Rose stopped talking. Kanaya's realm of words that were all of hers stopped moving. All the letters descended into that statement, forming a goddamned heart on her spirit and it would not leave her no matter what other words were spoken. She had known for a while, Rose had known that she knew, and Kanaya knew that she knew that she knew, and so on. They both knew deep down. Even after they were married, even after their first kiss, even after the first conversation they had between a young girl on her thirteenth birthday and another young girl who had at that time been denied the privilege of becoming a god; they had not spoken the words allowed. Some things didn't need to be said. But now that she had, Kanaya felt her heart swell all the more.
The troll leaned and whispered something unintelligible for us to hear but the light player laughed and laughed wiping the tears from her eyes. They talked quietly for hour’s not saying anything of substance. But conveying feelings through looks, gestures, and touch, and the way Roses hand kept sliding onto Kanaya's hip.
They were outside Rose's home now, staring at it like burglars scoping the joint. They were both imagining it covered in snow with a girl in purple building tentacled snowlusis and a cat snowlusis soon after. And then going inside to talk to a persistent troll talking to her over an impossible distance of time and space, telling her of the time to come.
Somewhere in the reimagining, the troll was there, bundled in an overly large green coat that she probably had made herself. They would look at each other with distrust for several long moments. Maybe a snowball would be thrown, maybe the Flighty Broads and their snarky horseshitometer just exploded the second they made eye contact and neither knew that it would matter. But the minute the two girls looked into each other’s eyes, they saw something there. Then they would start building more snowman, quietly and not saying much.
The two woman looked at the snowless house and drew closer. They would both work hard to build the future, together.
I had to split this chapter in half. I'll have more to say next time.
Hey you like vampires?? Try The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant, it is sooooo good!! I am currently 'speedruning' the series right now because a new book is coming out within the week! Check it out, please!! There's lesbian vampires in it, OK she doesn't show up until the third book but dammit it's a feature!
Also!! As of this chapter the word count has officially hit the length that is qualified to win a nebula! That's right this puppy is book length now. I am extremely proud of that. You can add it to your books read this years list, I give you my permission to so.
Also also: ever do fan art of your own fan fiction and then put it back into it?? Cause I have done that now...
Chapter 13: Candy for Terezi: Chapter 9-5: Space Between Void
In which soulmates are discussed and Kanaya becomes down right peeved actually, you know, just a teensy bit miffed.
Kanaya blinked at the ring on Calliope's finger that was just above her own. She slowly lowered the glass and put the stopper back on, swallowing the mouthful she had gotten as she did. It tasted a touch sour.
KANAYA: Thank You Calliope
CALLIOPE: jUst helping oUt a friend!
KANAYA: I Think We Can Go Back To The Observatory Now
KANAYA: We Will Chat With Roxy
KANAYA: And Then I Will Go Lay Down For A While
CALLIOPE: i think that woUld be wonderfUl! ^u^
They walked in silence on the way back, Calliope glancing at Kanaya every so often and she would nod, letting her know she was OK. Kanaya wasn't too sure what had happened between her and Calliope when she went for the second bottle. Had it just been their ring that had triggered all those memories? Or was it something more to do with their mysterious muse class? She had felt like she had been back at that party with Rose in her arms, so she didn't think that had JUST been her remembering that night. It had felt like reliving it, almost like being inside a play of her whole life that she could reenact the scenes again and while never able to deviate from the script, she could appreciate them from new angles. Calliope looked back and caught Kanaya staring at them. They smiled again.
CALLIOPE: i am a mUse kanaya, not a healer or a fighter.
CALLIOPE: i inspire people bUt i am not the caUse of introspection, jUst the grease to keep the wheels moving.
CALLIOPE: any revelations yoU might be experiencing are yoUrs and yoUrs alone!
Before Kanaya had time to digest that statement, there were back with Roxy looking up at them from some video game console Kanaya couldn't recognize. She always found the lack of bugs, grubs, and bee's from any serious human electronics to be weird and very low tech. From the rambling conversations she could recall from Sollux, this setup would have annoyed the programmer to no end.
ROXY: hey there u r
ROXY: COME HERE!
Roxy hugged the little cherub in a tight squeeze that delighted them no end.
ROXY: what took ya! got bored without u and set up like a hundred of these
KANAYA: You Are Supposed To Be On Lookout
ROXY: there is only so long one can look at empty space before one gets bored counting all the twinkly herberts zooming by
KANAYA: Twinkle Herbert
ROXY: little old lightning bug that used to hang with the mayor
ROXY: hes prob gone now
ROXY: dont imagine fireflies live that long anyhow
Roxy sighed as he booted up one of the pink game boxes. Kanaya wondered if they had always been pink or if the void player had simply made them appear that way. She remembered that this was a Lalonde she was talking about, of course he had changed it to his color. Kanaya smiled at the thought.
ROXY: so kk, what u wanna play
KANAYA: I Do Not Generally Play Video Games
KANAYA: I Think The Last One I Tried Ended Up Destroying Me Civilization
KANAYA: I Suppose That I Do Not Associate Them With Good Things In My Life
ROXY: u for realzies havent played anythin before sburb
KANAYA: Books Were More Of My Hobby
KANAYA: I Suppose There Was One Game Guide I Read Almost Religiously But I Doubt That Will Count
ROXY: what was the guide for
KANAYA: Just The Ever Popular Sgrub Modified By A Friend Of Mine
KANAYA: Very Exclusive
KANAYA: Only Twelve People Ever Played It
KANAYA: Am I Hip With The Kids Now
ROXY: kk you were already very cool with me
ROXY: idk if that means anything tho as your kind of my daughter-in-law
KANAYA: That Particular Relationship Still Alludes My Comprehension
ROXY: it means u invite me to turkey day and i send u inedible fruit cake
KANAYA: I Quite Enjoyed The Fruit Cake You Sent Before
KANAYA: I Would Be Rather Doing You A Disservice By Calling It Inedible
ROXY: ok, i have a confession to make to you about that...
KANAYA: You Did Not Bake The Fruit Cake
KANAYA: I Suppose You Just Repackage The One Jane Sends You
ROXY: alright first
ROXY: this is supposed to be my confession time
ROXY: not you laying bare what an awful person i am for not eating my friends pastry and just sending it 2 you 2 cause i get a bit stressed out during holidays
ROXY: wow you know me too well
KANAYA: I Saw Janes Kitchen You Demolished Three Years Ago During Your Human "Turkey Day"
KANAYA: It Was A Safe Assumption
ROXY: it had it coming
ROXY: who stores five different kinds of cheese graters??
ROXY: no one needs that many cheese graters!!!
ROXY: i would like my cheese extra minced today
ROXY: yeah surie bob comin right up
Kanaya reached over and pushed down on Roxy's glasses, exposing his pink peepers to the world.
ROXY: got something on my face?
KANAYA: Just Checking That You Are You
KANAYA: That Was A Classic Strider Rant In The Making
ROXY: damn striders their biting into my style now
KANAYA: I Thought You Were Cribbing Theirs
ROXY: but who wore it better
ROXY: thats the real question
CALLIOPE: i think yoU look lovely no matter what yoU're wearing roxy!
Roxy picked Calliope up and swung them around kissing various parts of their face as he did so.
ROXY: you r the cutest fucking girlfriend that a person can have!
CALLIOPE: roxy! oh stop!! ~^u^~
Roxy set them down gently but not without kissing them one last time on the forehead.
ROXY: i have got to think of a better nickname for you
CALLIOPE: i like being called yoUr girlfriend! even if that description is inaccUrate since i'm not a girl.
CALLIOPE: i like bestie, why don't yoU Use that?
ROXY: doesnt have the same ring to it
ROXY: we need to really distinguish us somehow as genuine gaming girl girlfriends
CALLIOPE: are we gamers now?
ROXY: got the spirit their callie but introducing you to people as my "gamer" is just going to lead to confusion
CALLIOPE: oh yoU know what i meant!
ROXY: i did shooosh
CALLIOPE: oh what do yoU suggest then oh gamer?
ROXY: hmm i got a few ideas
ROXY: "thems friends"
ROXY: "queer consultants" (oh i like that one actually)
ROXY: "queer ... compadres"?? (nah)
Kanaya felt for Roxy, she really did. It must be hard to passive aggressively hit on your significant other when the usual cute suggestive nicknames no longer applied.
KANAYA: How About Non Binary Pals
ROXY: hmm!! i likey
ROXY: how bout it callie
ROXY: we will be just a couple of nice non-binary gals being the best of pals
CALLIOPE: oh i love it! ^u^
CALLIOPE: i love being your pal roxy!
The cherub gave their "pal" a hug. Roxy glanced over at Kanaya and smiled a tough...sad? No, wanly? Kanaya couldn't think of the word. It sat somewhere in the land of wanderlust. Of feelings expressed but not understood. Her heart went out to the rogue and she gave a smile of understanding back to him. Roxy pulled out of their embrace looking into their non-binary pal's eyes and a question on their lips.
ROXY: so do you want to pick a game
ROXY: kanaya is being a wet blanket about it
CALLIOPE: trUth be told i am rather fond of the book option myself.
ROXY: maaaaaaannnn really??
CALLIOPE: shh! calm yoUr tiddies roxy i was teasing you.
Roxy looked at them with shock causing Calliope to look embarrassed.
CALLIOPE: oh i'm sorry! was that wrong?
CALLIOPE: i tried to image what you woUld say in this sitUaltion!
ROXY: no need for sorry :D
ROXY: i was surprised it all
ROXY: f-ing lol!!
ROXY: oh man you r so adorbs when u try to speak lingo like me
CALLIOPE: i won't do it again if yoU think...
ROXY: oh no u dont!!
ROXY: go on do it again
CALLIOPE: oh dear! yoU pUt me on the spot now!
CALLIOPE: i'm not sUre what to say. :U
ROXY: aw dont worry about it
ROXY: it was funny
ROXY: dont you go apologizing for things like that alright
ROXY: you find us a good game while i talk to kk ok?
CALLIOPE: alright! ^u^
Roxy tenderly kissed their cheek. Kanaya wondered why he didn't throw caution to the winds and just smack them one on the lips. But considering her own past romances perhaps she really wasn't one to talk. Roxy walked over while Calliope started digging through the rows and rows of games that were in the cabinet next to the consoles. There was a button on all four edges of the front of the cabinet so that if you pushed one, the shelves would move in that direction, revealing more games than there was physical space for all of them. Calliope held one for twenty seconds watching the never ending sequence of games scroll by at breakneck speed. Both Kanaya and Roxy sat down and observed the Cherub for a while.
KANAYA: Why Do You Not Just Tell Them
Roxy didn't bother asking who or what she meant.
ROXY: i have
ROXY: many times
ROXY: they just dont believe me
Kanaya looked over at Calliope again but the muse seemed thoroughly engrossed in their task. A shame really.
KANAYA: How Can They Not Believe That You Love Them!
KANAYA: Unconditionally I Might Add!
KANAYA: They Can Not Be So Ignorant As To Think That You Staring At Them For Hours At A Time Is Just You Being Friendly!
KANAYA: My Goodness I Am Getting So Angry About This I Am Using Shout Poles Again
Roxy laughed and leaned in next to the rainbow drinker conspiratorially. The laugh and the familiar gesture, made the trolls poor gay heart ache for her missing wife.
ROXY: sometime i get so jealous of rose
ROXY: u r funny kk u kno that
ROXY: if she didnt scoop u up i would have taken u like *that*
ROXY: maybe u r just irresistible lalonde bait
KANAYA: Roxy I Appreciate The Statement But I Am Married
ROXY: shh i kno
ROXY: didnt mean it like that
ROXY: do u ever wonder about fate
ROXY: like there is this whole cosmic entity that governs the universe
KANAYA: I Thought That Was Supposed To Be Us
KANAYA: We Are Not Doing A Very Good Job Of It
ROXY: u see fate doesnt care if ur a mortal or god or immortal vampire
ROXY: fate sees the destiny of everyone ya see
ROXY: i just wonder about like if someone was like fucking destined to be with another
ROXY: like some divine being that writes all of causality was like "yup, those two should be a thing"
ROXY: and then they just...are
ROXY: its hella romantic to think about sometimes
ROXY: but idk
ROXY: would it really matter if the person u liked was always meant 4 u?
ROXY: why cant everybody just like, met and match and figure out who the best candidate is
ROXY: hell, some might think that maybe they shouldnt be getting involved in romantic entanglements at all!
ROXY: im just...a fool in love with someone who doesnt get that
ROXY: i dont think i was like spiritually created with the sole purpose of boning down of my skeleton girlfriend
ROXY: like damn they werent really a girl to begin with
ROXY: but what were the odds we would ever find each other and end up like we did ya kno
ROXY: there has got to be like a million or so universes where i didnt find them
ROXY: and i...cant imagine a one of them
ROXY: it would be too empty without them
ROXY: i do want to be more to them than just a pal
ROXY: i want to be their stars and moon and sun and the entire fucking blue sky!!!
ROXY: theyve just lived so long without...well love
ROXY: dirk n me had it pretty bad out in the future with nobody around
ROXY: (except with me and the chess guys never forget dem)
ROXY: jade n jake probably had it worse on their islands being alone all that time with like dead guardians to bury showing how much worse off they were
ROXY: but callie?
ROXY: being a different species on top of all that aloneness with her bro being a shithead to her day in and day out
ROXY: i get it i really do
ROXY: i mean fuck
ROXY: cherubs supposedly only have black romance in their repitware
ROXY: im grateful just to *be* her friend
ROXY: although i cant imagine callie hate romancing anyone can you
KANAYA: Not Even A Little Bit
ROXY: yeah me neither
ROXY: and i sure as hell cant do that
KANAYA: Humans Have Been Shown To Be Adept At That Odd Black Flirtation
ROXY: idk if we have a grand total of one counts as an absolute guarantee
ROXY: and johns kinda weird anyway
ROXY: sides you really think john wont flip to red if he hangs with tz enough
KANAYA: He Does Seem The Type
ROXY: feelings are hard to describe at the best of times
ROXY: id bet even you have had a few ashen thoughts about rose
KANAYA: We Are Matesprits
KANAYA: I Love Rose Why Would I Try To Mix In Kissmissitude In There As Well
ROXY: kk you can feel more than one thing about a person
ROXY: that is allowed you know
ROXY: take for example: me
ROXY: i fucking love calliope to distraction
ROXY: but at the same time i get really upset that they dont understand my feelings
ROXY: and i love the concept of platonic lovers you guys got going with diamonds
ROXY: so i probably feel a bunch of that with callie too!
ROXY: come on
ROXY: youve had some arguments with rose a few times right
ROXY: times that she makes you so mad that you pin her against the wall and have a jolly good time till you both calm down ;)
ROXY: times when she has felt like your best friend in the world where you cant think about any sexy thoughts about her at all because you are too damn busy thinking about how smart or cute or funny or charming they are and the thought about getting into her pants doesnt even cross your mind
ROXY: and all the booze you make her throw down
ROXY: nice job btw
ROXY: way to be proactive *thumbs up*
ROXY: its you being all clubs against her and the hooch right?
ROXY: so that all four quadrants worth of feeling there
ROXY: so dont brush of all this bull honkey about being “just matesprits"
ROXY: humans got a word of that: soulmates
ROXY: i maybe wasnt fated to be with calliope but it sure as shit feels like you two were fucking made for each other right down to your dna
ROXY: who knows?
ROXY: maybe egbert knew what he was doing at that console after all
ROXY: i can imagine his goofy face pushing all the damn buttons like its nobodies business "hmm wonder what this cosmically attracted to aliens button does??? oh well!"
ROXY: and then every one of the four ends up with an alien
ROXY: thats totes what happened btw
KANAYA: It Was A Cat Actually
Kanaya had been staring back in time at all the incidents in question as Roxy had guessed them. What on alternia did she think she had been doing with Rose! She had wanted her in every quadrant! Wanted her to be her lover, enemy, friend, and mentor and the damnedest thing of all was that she had let her! It was only with Roxy laying it out pointing at the "normal" sections of romance that Kanaya realized that he had been right! She did think of Rose as more than a matesprit. "Wife" had been a term that Rose had loved using and Kanaya felt somehow that it was closer to the truth then her troll vocabulary was capable of.
KANAYA: The Button That Made Rose And Their Group
KANAYA: It Was Pushed By A Cat With Four Eyes
Roxy stared at her with eyes that were now bigger then the shades could cover. Slowly, as if he was about to find some truth about himself he had always known but could never pin point, he reached into his sylladex. He had changed it from the old wine rack, it didn't suit him anymore. He withdrew a pink card that after a second, turned into a bluish box of Plexiglas. Inside the glass was a preserved kitten with four eyes.
ROXY: never did give this poor guy a name
ROXY: but i guess now is as good a time as any
ROXY: friglish jr??
ROXY: used that one a few many times
ROXY: got it
ROXY: zazzerpan the great wizard that rules over all the others
ROXY: hows bout zazzy for short?
The cat did not reply.
ROXY: glad u like it
ROXY: so i guess i just wanted to say...thanks
ROXY: thanks for having a paw with creating some of my friends
ROXY: without you there is no dave or jade or john or
Roxy looked at Kanaya.
ROXY: rose my daughter
ROXY: will get her back kk as sure as i fuckin love wizards
Kanaya reached out and touched the encased cat. She had seen the little critter on the screens briefly when she had flipped through the timelines of the beta kids but it hadn't seemed important. Right up until John had pushed a few buttons.
KANAYA: On Alternia Back In My Old Universe
KANAYA: There Was A Story Of A Martyr
KANAYA: The Telling Would Take Too Long To Tell Now But He Was Famous For Saying Fuck
Roxy laughed hysterically, Zazerpan tipping from side to side as Roxy tried to get the giggles under control.
KANAYA: I Bring Him Up Because Of His Matesprit
KANAYA: She Was Called The Disciple And Their Love For Each Other If The Legends Are To Be Believed
KANAYA: Transcended Quadrants
KANAYA: I Always Dismissed It As Artistic Licensing
KANAYA: But What You Described Sounds So Much Like It That It May Be One And The Same
ROXY: so what you really saying is that you have big gay feelings for rose
Kanaya sighed. She supposed the serious feelings jam was over.
KANAYA: Yes Roxy That Is Me Exactly Right
KANAYA: Big Huge Gay Feelings For Rose Right Enough
ROXY: aw ur completely in lesbians with her
ROXY: thats good
Roxy laughed at her own joke then looked long and hard at Calliope who was having a very hard time in the "B" section. He tore his eyes away only to glance out the viewing window and freeze.
ROXY: hey kk
ROXY: i think ur gigantic gay feelings are too damn powerful
Kanaya looked out the window and her mouth dropped open. Speeding to them was the ship they had been after, the one that they had been too far behind to even see yet. It was there and it was coming closer. Roxy hit the intercom button with force and blasted out over the ship.
ROXY: all hands on deck!!!!
ROXY: we have dirks kidnappin vanship in sight
ROXY: dirks getaway ride twelve o'clock
Roxy released the button and looked to Kanaya with apprehension
ROXY: u ready
Kanaya had taken out her lipstick without even noticing she was doing so and then to apply the green make up slowly and carefully letting the moment draw out. She finished and puckered her lips to make sure that it was evenly spread. Cap back on and turn. The chainsaw roared out causing everyone on the bridge and everywhere else on the whole ship to take a step back from the noise.
The rainbow drinkers eyes burned with a righteous fire as every inch of her skin glowed with a neon florescence that need to feel the touch of one particular individuals light to feel whole again. Her teeth grew longer as she licked her lips still tasting that last drop of burgundy and hoping that it would not be the last orange thing that would be between her teeth that day. A pity the prince’s blood was candy red. She would change outfits to suit the occasion but this was her work outfit after all, everything else would just get stained.
Kanaya Maryam, Sylph Of Space, Mother Of The Troll Race, A God Of Earth C, Drinker Of Every Drop Of Blood That Had Been Split In Her Battle To Help Create This Universe, Damn Near Unkillable Fighter, Trimmer Of Guardians, And Lesbian Was Pissed The Hell Off And Ready To Kill That Sick Son Of A Bitch And She Was Going To Get Her God Damn Wife Back Or So Help Myself I Will Find The Very Man Of Fate Himself And Cut Him Down Until He Pleads For Mercy
I Will Show Him None
She growled as she kicked the outgoing message button, hailing the oncoming ship. It connected and an automated voice told them their communications would go through. Kanaya belted out an oath that made the very stars tremble had their mistresses terrible furry and the cherub and the human hid behind the games cabinet staring awe and fear and in the case of Roxy Lalonde something akin to love.
KANAYA: DIRK STRIDER!
KANAYA: IF I AM NOT KISSING ROSE WITHIN THE HOUR YOU WILL BE FUCKING WATCHING YOUR OWN INSIDES SPATTER AGAINST YOUR OVERSIZE GLASSES!
Then she lowered her voice back to her usual tone that only made the two hiding cower more.
KANAYA: Do Not Fuck With Me
KANAYA: Do Not Try Anything
KANAYA: I Will Bath In Your Blood As I Drain You Dry
KANAYA: And If Rose Is Dead Then
She smiled. There was not an ounce of humor, comfort, or mercy in that smile.
KANAYA: You Should Dress Warm Daughter Fucker
KANAYA: Because I Will Bring You To The Gates Of Hell To Get Her Back
KANAYA: Rose If You Can Hear Me
KANAYA: I Never Told You
KANAYA: That Night We Danced Among The Stars
KANAYA: I Love You Too
Roxy had his mouth wide open, shock and awe evident on his face. He elbowed Calliope excitement radiating off his face.
ROXY: holy shit!!!
ROXY: that was so fucking gay!!!!!
Wow Kanaya. Dirk you better watch out! Oh wait he is already dead.
Evenly Kanaya had enough of sad Terezi and was impatient for me to get to the rest of the story instead of pussyfooting about in an irrelevant timeline. She became so angry that she possessed the narrative! Seriously, her spirit possessed me as I was writing these past few chapters and it told me to tell everyone that Kanaya is FUCKING GAY!!
Look, I know Homestuck is theoretically gay, there are enough f/f and m/m parings out there but this fic really proved it to me. I wanted to write stuff about Kanaya other than Rose but the damn girl was just like
Oh Rose Went Off To Be Evil I See
Better Imagine A Dream Scene Where Were Happy Together.
(side note: no! Now I made it so that it was Rose's feelings about not being good enough for Kanaya is the reason she went off to find her ultimate self in the first place I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!)
Ah I See We Are Drinking Blood Today
Better Make It A Parallel To Rose And Her Drinking Problems
Oh Flashback? That Is Alright Then
Make It As Gay As Possible And Make It An Earth C Parable About Why The Mood As Phases Because Of Rose And Me Dancing Through Space
Not Gay Enough
Add Depression Anxiety Crying And Kissing In There
Oh And Possible Sex Because Nothing Screams I Love You Than Talking About How Horny Rose Is For Her Wife All The Time
Also Small Au Where Young Me And Rose Meet When We First Talk To One Another
Also I Get To Be Totally Badass For No Reason
I Love My Wife
There Now It Is Gay
But Sufficiently So
Chapter 14: Candy for Terezi: Chapter 9-6: Light Intertwined With Space
In which strategy occurs, love ones are already are lost, and a reunion.
Everyone on the ship had gathered around the exit hatch. The two ships had docked together with no protest from Dirk's ship, which they had not heard a single word from. It seemed that their quarry was entirely on automatic. Not even a cool robotic voice to ask pointed questions that could hint at the (theorized) grizzly demise of the crew. The three on the bridge had legged it after Kanaya's declaration of war. Dave, Karkat, and Jane had changed course with the overhead announcement and Jake had pelted out of his bedroom at a sprint. No one had been sure what he had been doing, but Calliope thought that the page might still be recovering from when Dirk had mentally bitch slapped him six ways to Sunday. He was the last one to arrive and his usual cheerful smile was fixed on his face.
JAKE: well here we are! ready to charge in and give them all billio and the up and downer right!!
JAKE: i daresay i thought that dirk was going to lead us on a far merry dance all around the universe before we caught up with him.
ROXY: yeah i have thought that dirk had this grand plan that he was caring out like the entire fate of existence was on his shoulders like usual
ROXY: but either that fell through or this is like a trap or somethin
KANAYA: What Kind Of Trap
KANAYA: He Knows We Are Coming Correct
DAVE: dirks always seems like hes five ginormous steps in front of everyone
DAVE: and then turns out that he has no idea what the fuck hes doing either
DAVE: could be that he absconded with the seers and john only for us to come after him as some elaborate esoteric scheme
DAVE: but there is a point where pointlessly elaborate grand death plans could be accomplished by much simpler means
KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS YOU OVERLY WORDY RAP LOVING, OBAMA WORSHIPING, IGNORAMUS??
DAVE: all translate for you
DAVE: dirk smart
DAVE: has big complicated plan
DAVE: easier to kill or recruit us on back on earth instead of waiting in the middle of bumfuck nowhere space
JADE: why would he want to kill us?? :o
JADE: did alternate calliope step on his black gay feelings without realizing it or something while i was out??????
JAKE: i might have.
KARKAT: WOW YOU DON'T SAY!
KARKAT: JAKE JUST ADMITTED THAT HE MIGHT *MIGHT* HAVE DAMAGED STRIDERS EGO WITH THE WAY HE HANDLED HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
KARKAT: IT IS A MOTHER FUCKING MIRACLE THAT HE CAN EVEN GRASP THAT! I WOULD THANK THE MIRTHFUL MASAHISA’S IF I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEY WERE FULL OF SHIT TOO!!
JADE: karkat, and i say this with the utmost love and appreciation for your ability to be the biggest hypocrite in a room
JADE: but shut the fuck up
CALLIOPE: i hate to paUse all yoUr chitchat bUt what is oUr plan?
Everyone looked at them and the cherub colored a deeper emerald despite already being that hue.
CALLIOPE: oh terribly sorry! i jUst thoUght that yoU shoUld have a strategy in place before giving them what for!
ROXY: calliope you dont have to be sorry for trying to keep us on track so we stay alive
ROXY: and ur right!
Roxy picked up the cherub once more squeezing them in a hug and spun them around once before putting them down again. He followed that up with a big pecker right on their lips, probably just in case.
ROXY: i think you should stay here callie
ROXY: i kno u came with us all this way for emotional support and u aint much of a fighter
ROXY: and i dont want to see you die again
ROXY: that would make me really unhappy if you vanished on me
CALLIOPE: don't worry roxy! that was going to be my sUggestion as well.
DAVE: i think you should stay too karkat
KARKAT: WHAT?? AND LET YOU GO OFF IN SOME HEROIC BATTLE THAT WILL KILL YOU BECAUSE THAT IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT CAN STILL RESULT IN YOUR DEATH??!!
KARKAT: AND YOU JUST WANT ME TO SIT ON MY HANDS AND DO JACK SHIT???
DAVE: plus your shit at fighting
KARKAT: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!
KARKAT: JOHN, ROSE, AND TEREZI ARE MY FRIENDS TOO YOU KNOW!!
KARKAT: I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THAT JADE WAS COMPLETELY OFF HER ROCKER AND THAT THEY ARE ALL SAFE AND STILL ALIVE!!
JADE: only johns dead!!!!
JADE: and he was already like that before he died...er became irrelevant!!
ROXY: johns dead????
JADE: no!! well yes???
JADE: oh screw it, i don't know!! i only suspect somethings!!!!
ROXY: well that is one hell of a suspicion alright
ROXY: so we agreed? kk and cp are keeping their coochies planted where they are
ROXY: rest of us go in and split up until we find tz dirk rosie or john boy
ROXY: we call for backup in case we find one
ROXY: any other q's?
KANAYA: Does Anyone Care If The Prince Losses A Few Inches Of Tallness
KANAYA: And Are We Done I Have A Kidnapper That Needs Trimming
Roxy looked at Kanaya with apprehension. She had not put away her chainsaw during the discussion and it had been making on ominous rumbling noise the entire time.
ROXY: uh yeah i think everyones cool w that
ROXY: unless anyones got any objections to kanayas half off sale
ROXY: or we good with letting her halving the rat bastered who took her better half
ROXY: shes going to fucking slice him to ribbons is what im saying is anyone going to get mad about that?????!!!!!
DAVE: no i think he deserves it
JADE: he was causing untold damage to our very narrative existence, so yeah!!!
JADE: kill the fucker kanaya!! <3
KARKAT: HE'S AN ASSHOLE AND DESERVES FAR WORSE.
CALLIOPE: well...he may be able to be rehabilitated to be able to come back to earth c! that is always possible.
JAKE: i'm sorry to put a rain on your parade their calliope but i think the other have it right.
Everyone looked at him with shock. Even Kanaya looked away from the door that would lead her to her missing wife to gawk at the player who was supposed to be a bastion of hope. Jake had a look in his eyes that Roxy could not remember him making. Resolve? Sadness? A steely glint of...Englishness???
JAKE: listen calliope, being one of the people who got the full blast of whatever it was dirk did, no one should do that to any person.
JAKE: and i jolly well think that he should get his just deserts for it! (even if i might have had it coming.....i think......)
CALLIOPE: yoU love him thoUgh!!
JAKE: well yes!
JAKE: wait no?? no i don't...??
JAKE: maybe i just only sort of did and not...?...?
KARKAT: DO YOU WANT TO STAY TOO ENGLISH?? CAN'T FACE YOUR BOYFRIEND WHEN KANAYA BRINGS HIM CLOSER TO THE FINAL RESTING PLACE KNOWN AS THE FLOOR!
JAKE: no! no!
JAKE: i'm going to dang gum make sure that he gets his just deserts!
DAVE: glad you are on board
DAVE: hey karkat
Dave leaned in hand behind Karkat’s head and kissed the troll gently before he could object.
DAVE: keep your ass safe ok
DAVE: we will be back before you know it
KARKAT: KICK HIS ASS FOR ME.
JADE: we will!! do i get a kiss too??
JADE: shhhhhh, just relax you turd
Jade pulled Karkat over to her. Karkat's eyes were wide with terror waiting for the inevitable. Jade calmly moved in and kissed him lightly on the forehead with affection.
JADE: there! was that so bad?
KARKAT: WHY DIDN'T YOU...?
JADE: you really want me to go for the lips right now??
KARKAT: THANK YOU JADE, YOU ARE A MERCIFUL GOD THAT GRANTS SMALL BOONS ONTO MORTAL LIKE MYSELF!
JADE: love you vantas! <3
KANAYA: Everyone Done
Everyone was done.
She opened the door her skirt flapping in the release of air. They looked into the interior of the other ship.
KANAYA: I Have An Appointment To Keep With Royalty
KANAYA: I Have Left Her Waiting Too Long Already
She bounded off, saw blazing out in front of her. Dave, Jade, Roxy, and Jake a few steps behind. Dave's sword came out, along with everyone else’s guns. They gave Dave a strange look.
JADE: hey dave! where is your incredibly deadly gun??
DAVE: i have a sword
DAVE: its kind of my thing to wave around absolute pieces of shit like this
ROXY: you look silly being the only one with one i gotta say
DAVE: kanaya didnt have one
DAVE: why arent you picking on her
JAKE: shes scary. and with her vampire fastness, having a gun doesn’t matter one cricket!!
DAVE: i can flash step just as well
JADE: yeah but it still dosent have the same *oomph* as a one of our "dudly firearms"!!!
DAVE: hey trying to appease me with my humor wont work
JADE: really??? usually youre a sucker for it!
JAKE: i have double pistols, i can lend you one if you want! ;)
DAVE: are you hitting on me right now
DAVE: in the middle of a fight even
JAKE: what?? no!!
JAKE: i wasn't trying to insinuate...oh dear. i really stuck my jumper in the grease fire there didn't i?
JADE: sorry hes taken jake
JADE: karkat and i cant let you have him!!
JADE: there is a one strider limit you have to adhere too!!!
JAKE: phooey! bother the limits!!!
JAKE: there should be an unlimited amount of striders for availability!!
ROXY: man if only
DAVE: we talking like infinite me or dirk here
DAVE: with all those splinters my bro has there is already a high count of strider there
DAVE: and if you want i can just go back in time so everyone can get enough sunglass wearing coolness to go around
DAVE: except you mom
DAVE: wait dad
DAVE: i meant dad
ROXY: still cool w whatever name you give me dave
ROXY: i feel we should have run into someone by now
JADE: youre right!! where is everybody???
The four of them stopped and looked around for any sign of their friends/potential enemies. Jade noticed someone was missing.
JADE: and everyone includes kanaya!! where did she get off too???
Directly to their right Kanaya was standing in the doorway. She seemed, disappointed, somehow. Roxy realized that she had put her trusty chainsaw back into the depths of her sylladex.
KANAYA: I Found Dirk
KANAYA: He Is Dead
She said it as though she was telling them that they might want to put on a light jacket because it was drizzling a smidge outside. Like she was telling the weather. It was a flat voice that lacked usual emotion for the situation they were in is what I mean!
...Sorry, didn’t mean to go on a tangent there. She sounded off.
JADE: wait already??!! did you ...???
KANAYA: Come See
Dirk was still on the floor where Terezi had left him. His blood had congealed into brown patches on the floor. His purple prince pantaloons were stained with the same color.
JAKE: well shit if he is not a corpse right enough!!
DAVE: thanks jake you have a death grip on the english language
DAVE: fits right there in your name how fitting
Dave sheathed his sword and pulled out his phone, dialing a number as he did.
DAVE: hey dirks dead
KARKAT: WOW THAT WAS FAST!! KANAYA MUST HAVE FUT THE ENTIRE PLACE APART WITH YOU YAHOO’S SPEEDRUNING DIRK MURDER!
DAVE: he was already toast before we got here
KARKAT: OH SHIT!
KARKAT: SORRY I GUESS??
DAVE: its cool dude
KARKAT: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER SO YOU CAN HAVE A SHOULDER TO CRY ON?
DAVE: dirk turned into a huge ass
DAVE: its still my bro you know
KARKAT: KANAYA HANDLING NO REVENGE OK?
DAVE: she just seems sort of miffed
DAVE: aaaannndddd there she goes off again
DAVE: guess we still need to find rose huh
KARKAT: YOU THINK!! I DON'T WANT HER TO SEE HER THAT PISSED OFF AGAIN!!
KARKAT: SHE COULD CUT HOLES IN SPACE WITH HER ANGER!!
DAVE: better bring calliope with you too
DAVE: nothing really dangerous happening now
KARKAT: ALREADY WITH ME. SEE YOU IN LIKE THIRTY SECONDS. I THINK I CAN ALREADY SEE YOUR STUPID RED CAPE STICKING OUT OF THAT DOOR UP THERE.
Kanaya had known that Dirk was dead the moment she entered the room and had been for a while. Never the less, she had sniffed at him anyway and concluded that his blood was not in any condition to be sampled. Human blood kept a hundred times worse than troll blood. You could use the stuff for paint and the color would never fade in the slightest, as well as freshness.
While she was snooping around she found a blue note next to the cadaver of her prey. It said "SH3 1S TH1S W4Y >:]" and had pointed to another door out form the body of the prince. She had dashed out the door at a brisk pace, ignoring the others as the crowed around the lifeless god. She spotted another note and then another. She kept up a brisk pace, moving from one note to the next. "OV3R H3R3" and "JUST 4 B1T MOR3 K4N4Y4" and then "1N H3R3!!" was on the last door as she entered it.
Inside was a cozy respiteblock. In one corner a table with a thermos on it, a recuperacoon that appeared to be occupied in another, and a closet with what looked like an assortment of dresses designed around the light player aesthetic. As in, they were yellow and bright. Rose would hate them...maybe.
Before she investigated the submerged figure in the green liquid, she cast a look at the container on the nightstand. Another note was taped to it reading: S4V3D YOU SOM3! YOUR3 W3LCOM3 >;]. Kanaya opened the metal canister slowly. Inside was a red liquid that was unmistakably blood. His blood. She sniffed it. It smelled just like any other human plasma she had sampled. No special aura here. The rainbow drinker almost took a sip when she thought better of it. Maybe in a few years or maybe decades from now, she could look back on this day and sip thoughtfully on the lifeblood of Dirk, happy that his death meant that her wife was alive. But she needed to check first. The lid was screwed back on and put away with the other bottles in her various pockets. She turned to the green pod and, with trembling legs, began to walk to it.
Rose was dreaming about being in bed. Her bed. And Kanaya's bed. She had asked her about why the trolls didn't sleep in recuperacoon’s anymore. Kanaya had replied that beds were just far more comfortable and as a bonus didn't get slime that dirtied ones clothing. Kanaya had asked her if she wanted to try sleeping in one with her of course for moral support. Her saucy question was interrupted by the sound of her own voice calling Rose’s name.
KANAYA: Are You Alive?!
Rose woke up in green. For a wild second she thought she was still dreaming with Kanaya looking down on her as she tried out the troll sleeping method for the first time. Then she remembered.
ROSE: I...am as it turns out. That is nice to know.
Kanaya already had her arms in the slime when she shook the light player, so they did not have far to go when they embraced her.
KANAYA: Oh Rose!
KANAYA: I WAS VERY VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!
ROSE: I'm fine babe.
Rose pulled away from the space player. It was only after they pulled apart that Rose realized something about herself.
ROSE: I don't have the clearest memories on what I have been up too for the past few days, for the past few weeks really. I think I was a robot at some point but that can't be right. So if this query sounds strange please forgive me.
ROSE: Why am I naked?
KANAYA: I Presume Terezi Stripped You Down So As Not To Befoul Your Clothes While You Recovered
ROSE: I did need to rejuvenate myself after all that went down.
KANAYA: All Though The Fabric Of Your God Tier Outfit Is Robust Enough That It Would Have Been Cleaned In Seconds Once You Left The Recuperacoon
ROSE: Ah, so Terezi is just a massive pervert. That explains a lot.
KANAYA: No I Think It Was To Let All Parts Of Your Body Heal With Nothing To Get In The Way
KANAYA: Plus I Am Sure It Is Something That Terezi Considers A Joke
ROSE: I see. I fail to see the humor in waking up naked in front of a beautiful woman desperately wanting to see me.
ROSE: That describes most of my best fantasies I've had over the years. Strange, it always had the same woman in it too.
KANAYA: What Did This Woman Look Like
ROSE: Damnedest thing, she always appears to look the same in my head.
ROSE: She has skin the color of concrete, lips green as grass, and two horns that don't make her moan when I touch them.
KANAYA: They Do Not Possess Nerve Endings
KANAYA: Why Would They Be Erogenous Zones
ROSE: Because all weird appendages on alien's on contact make the recipient tremble in pleasure. Such a pity.
ROSE: Oh well, I know other places where that effect can be achieved.
KANAYA: I Am Very Glad That You Are Alright Rose You Have No Idea
KANAYA: I Thought I Would Never Hear Your Human Sarcasm Again
KANAYA: And Your Attempts To Get Me To Drop My Drawers As The Saying Goes
ROSE: Oh wow have I missed you too dear.
ROSE: "Drop your drawers" though?
KANAYA: Jake Calliope And Roxy Have Quite The Stock Of Expressions Between Them
KANAYA: By The Way
KANAYA: How Are The Headaches
KANAYA: Has Your Misadventure Freed Them From Their Prison
Rose was about to give another snarky reply when the question registered and gave her pause. She did feel...great, fantastic even! There was no push on the brain from other possible futures, no blinding light to torment her with knowledge of unknowable power, she just saw Kanaya and she realized that was all that mattered to her.
ROSE: Yes, I think they are gone!
ROSE: Oh Kanaya!! I fell so....wonderful!
ROSE: I think we are going to be....fine!!!
Rose felt herself being lifted up somehow, a weight lifted from her soul. She also physically floated up from the slime, breaking the surface, breasts becoming exposed to the open air. She looked dead on at Kanaya and held out her hand beckoning her to join.
ROSE: Kanaya? Sleep with me tonight.
Kanaya stared at her matesprit, no, her wife, her soulmate. Slime dripped off her skin, Rose seemed to positively glow. Kanaya could see her jugular pulsing as the blood in her veins moved just a bit faster, her heartbeat speeding up. Rose Lalonde was breathing, Rose was alive, and she was happier now than Kanaya remembered her seeing for months if not years.
The dress fell to the floor along with a shirt and undergarments in record time, vampire fastness had some unexpected uses. Rose felt her shoulders being pushed down as she looked into Kanaya's yellow troll eyes that...was that a hint of jade she could see in her pupils?? She had looked into those eyes so often that it was something of a shock to see something new in them. Rose didn't have time to ponder for long as there was a mouth currently occupying her attention and then suddenly she was back under the surface still kissing. She still seemed able to breath in the stuff, made sense if you were to be sleeping in the stuff regularly. They were pressed together; breast to breast, mouth to mouth, and one place that Rose felt the wettest of all despite the slime. They pulled apart breathing deeply and looked at each other under the surface for a long, long time. Rose broke the stillness first.
ROSE: I'm so, so sorry.
KANAYA: I Forgive You
KANAYA: Never Do It Again
Rose laughed, her head sinking into Kanaya's ample chest.
ROSE: I won't.
KANAYA: You Better Not Or Will Do Something Terrible
Kanaya leaned in to whisper sending tingles all through Rose, every last part of her.
KANAYA: Ill Tell Everyone That You Still Sleep With The Light On
ROSE: *Gasp* No.
ROSE: You wouldn't dare.
KANAYA: I Would
ROSE: I need that for when I'm reading!
KANAYA: Sure You Are “Babe”
ROSE: But it's you most of the time!
ROSE: You are my light I use Kanaya!!
KANAYA: I Damn Better Well Be Your Light
ROSE: Did you just...?
Rose opened her mouth and then closed it again. Her cheeks flushed with her blood. Kanaya playfully licked at them playfully, wanting to taste her in all the ways she could. She tasted wonderful.
ROSE: Perhaps I should shut up now.
KANAYA: I Like The Way You Talk While You Get Flustered
ROSE: "Flustered" is not the word I would use to describe what I am feeling right now.
KANAYA: I Sure Hope It Is Not
They proceeded to get very flustered with each other after that. Emotions spilling out as they celebrated just being alive. Alive and happy. Together.
End of Kanaya Intermission
With that out of the way, we will return to your regularly scheduled Terezi angst. We still have a bit to go in this timeline, but I think there are some interesting things in store.
Also: sorry for tricking anyone into reading borderline Rosemary pornography! It just spiraled into it!!
Or maybe you're into that. In which case, I rescind my apology.